Bernard is Ah dong's bf(Leonard)'s secondary school friend.
Ah dong and Leonard tried to set us up coz:
1) It somewhat feels fun to see their good friends meet each other.
2) They claimed that Bernard and I are both very crappy people. (thus compatible)
At first, Bernard seemed like an Ah Beng, complete with a bike, lousy English and the norm.
Before he first called me, there was another friend who kept calling me with a pte line and not identifying himself immediately. That friend is boring, so I always tell him I am busy with he calls. And usually I am really busy lar. Really.
Then Bernard called with a pte line and did not identify himself. I thought he was that said friend and for 3 days in a row I told him I am not free. On the 3rd day of rejection I decided I shall make small talk coz I very paiseh that I keep rejecting his calls.
So I told him that he sounds weird today.
He asked me whether I know who he is.
I realised that I dunch know. And things got a little better from there (a least we spoke!).
Yesterday he fetched me from New Park Hotel after work and Lo and Behold!!!! Not only was he there but Ah dong and Leonard appeared from nowhere too. And they acted as if it all was a big coincidence. *dry laugh*
We went to Geylang.
And we biked around to look at the pros. There was this transversite (is this how to spell it?) who was so atrocious! He, with breasts, or maybe she, purposely touched his/her breasts to show Leonard and Bernard (weak pun not intended) when she crossed the road with us waiting for her to cross before we can move.
She is atrocious coz me and Ah Dong are sitted on the back seats of the bike and we are definitely within her sight and yet she trys to seduce our guys. That gal/guy needs to learn some manners!!!
After Geylang we (me and Bernard) left Ah dong and Leonard.
It was my first time on a bike. Yeah lar pretty lousy but the worse part of being on a bike, in my opinion, is that the speed feels like 120 km/h when it is only 60 km/h. Some may say thats a good thing. I say I dunch like the feeling of death flashing before my eyes.
You see, some time ago mum went to see a fortune teller who told her that I will get handicapped in a bike accident. *gasp* Pray for me or that means no more blogs for you! *double gasp*
Anyway I didnt die and I think I like another Ah beng!! How??
Bernard can really make me laugh. And he is cute. And I dunch think he is stupid. U cant really be very stupid if u are funny, in my opinion.
But Bernard is so NOT the dream guy that I have always wanted. Besides the humourous and cute part, I want my guy to be those very executive kind. Prolly highly educated and perferably a lawyer, professor or doctor (so that I can save on legal fees and so that I can term my husband Dr XX (sounds prestigious! Hahaha) respectively)
Dream guy should speak in fluent English so that he can bring me to French fine dining restaurants. Hey wait, thats wrong. I demand that he speaks French as well. In fact, I dunch even mind if he IS french, gosh. Dream guy will bring me on his yacht (which is pure white) and we will cruise around dressed in a white bikini for me and white berms for him. He will loosely hug me across the butt.
Hey wait that sounds like the credit card ad. But thats precisely the total image!! The one in credit card ads!! EDDY!! Ahhhhh! Except I dun look like the girl counterpart. I dunch FEEL like her. I dunch even SMELL like her.
It is all impossible with Dream guy coz precisely when he loosely hugs me across the butt, he will possibly say
1) "Bloody hell you have a lot of fats across your tummy."
*stares at my tummy while i try, unsuccessfully, to convince him that thats coz I am pregnant and he should propose, RIGHT NOW* He knows I am not pregnant coz since he is a doctor he actually knows the menstrual cycle and knows I should not get pregnant or something. If he is a executive he has fucked his secretary too and we both are pregnant so he doesnt know who to marry. If he is a professor... Hmmm somehow I am thinking along the lines of pederasty.
"Wendy, you should try to look like the lady in the credit cards ads coz I look like the guy in the credit card ads!"
"But the yacht is mine."
"Oh yesh dearie. I forgot u are earning millions coz everyone is paying to read ur blog nowadays. God, get me a laptop. I need to read it NOW! I am like SO addicted."
*slaps him* "Say I do not have a fat tummy or I shall tell the world about ur puny penis despite the credit-card-guy look."
"You have an June's and Xf's tummy combined, my dear fiancee" (please note he pronounces finacee in the authentic French way.)
Ok something is wrong with the above scenerio.
2) "I have a mistress outside coz u dunch actually own a blog which ppl pay to read", *pauses to roll eyes for effect*. "despite ur own vivid imagination and you do not complete the credit-card-gal image coz u are too fat, too short and DO not," *pauses to roll eyes again* "have the tummy of June and Xf combined, despite ur own imagination again. I am gonna divorce you and marry my mistress who is Xf and June combined. You cannot imagine her LEGS!!!
He shows me her picture.
"Oh Yikes!! Looks horrible! How come the combination is so yucky!"
"Oh! You are just jealous!"
He den proceeds to sue the shit outta me coz he is a lawyer.
(june I take it into ur good humour that u dun get pissed over the pic. Just a joke! If u are, sms me. Will take it off... Actually u look quite nice with XF's nose. Hahhaha.)
3) "I am not a credit-card-guy. Congratulations! U are the winner of a reality TV show and I'm actually a construction worker."
He proceeds to build a nice complicated Lego house, while i watch, wondering bitterly why I nv noticed that Dr XX can build such good lego houses.
"In fact, I'm the construction worker who flashed at you some time ago." He nods. "I read your blog." He hangs his head low. "I'm sorry if I freaked u out, in more ways than one."
Ok so u guys got the idea about the Dream guy thingy. I digressed too much. And Bernard is not dream guy material. But I somehow like him!!! Dammit.
Bernard stopped studying when after his Os coz (i presume) he doesnt really need to study so much. His dad owns some coffee shop in Geylang and sells relatively successful char siew noodles. I think it is totally unfortunate that his dad does not sell pasta instead. I will be with his son in a jiffy if he sold pasta.
But thats not the point. The point is whether I should be with him despite him not being Dream guy material. Will he be another Ah beng boyfriend? Hmmm... Perhaps I will decide tonight. He is coming to fetch me from work. =)
Meanwhile, I am like FREAKING LATE FOR WORK NOW. More blogging later, ppl. Tata!
Oh yeah, for Eddy, I think I will write some confession letter to tell him i like him and see what happens from there. And yesh, if u wan to read it, I will copy the contents of my letter here as well.
Yeah yeah yeah!
Bernard is Ah dong's bf(Leonard)'s secondary school friend.