2003-09-02

Wow, it has been like so long since the last standard blog entry. As I have a very terrible memory instead, I shall not even try blogging according to dates but about just events which happened.

JEREMY

Since the day I confessed to Jem about me helplessly liking him, I did not contact him for 3 days. After that, I gave him a msg on Friday, simply asking him where he would be working at weekend.

He replied, "Orchard"

Damn, so hostile. I continued my animated conversation with shuyin and did not bother replying.

Subsequently he msged me 3 other msgs consisting of one asking me where I am working, and when I didnt reply, another one asking which number I am using (since I have two numbers), and one more in my starhub line exclaiming, "Oei, msg you dunno how to reply ah."

Wow.

The magic of playing hard to get.

That night, I asked him to call me and we talked for 4 hours, till it was 5 am and we both had to sleep, for the next day, we both have to sell cellphones, no pun intended.

Saturday, I went to visit him to have our breaks together. A half hour break became an atrocious two hour break by the time I reached back to Bugis, but I was all smiles.

The UOB promoter, who I got along very well with, knew I was going to meet the guy of my dreams.

When I arrived back at Bugis in a trance-like state, she looked and me and commented that I was grinning from ear to ear.

I told her its not from ear to ear. My grin, has indeed stretched so far that they went around the back of my skull and the ends touched each other.

Anyway, for Jeremy's rejection, I bought him a gift.



It is a door wedge.

Why a door wedge? Because it is cheap, ugly, and stupid. I even chose the colour he hates most, green. I told him he deserves it for rejecting me. He however claims that he loves it very much. Ah, men. Buy them an expensive tie, and they say it is boring. Buy them perfume, and they say you are so common.

I say, buy door wedges. Buy back-scratchers. Buy them a pepper shaker even. Maybe they would see the humour in it.

Anyway, when I was meeting him for lunch:

Me: "Where are u going after work?"

Him: "Nowhere, should be home. You?"

Me: "I'm coming to look for you."

So I did, and we watched an 1130 movie, laughed at Johnny Depp together, and when we walked outta cineleisure, we saw the most spectacular sight. Spectacular for me, that is.

Jeremy exclaimed: "Oh shit, it is raining!!"

I laughed. Buwahhahaha... I was just feeling miserable I have to leave him already, and the L&T God took pity in me and gave a little H2O to little Singapore, particularly at Orchard Road. Wonderful. I could not have wished for most.

We took a seat in Cine and randomly talked nonsense till someone came to tell us the shopping centre is closing.

Let it still be raining, I prayed.

And it rained harder.

We sat outside the hotel beside Cine talking long after the rain has stopped. Till the unhappy cab driver who came to drive us had to send me home with me paying a normal cab fare.

It may seem that things are going fine, but i think... Jeremy is the kind who takes things EXTREMELY slowly. So, I have no conclusion yet as to whether we would ever get together.

GUYS

Tell me if you people agree on this:

When a guy (if you are a guy its a girl for your case) comes along, ALL OF THEM COME ALONG.

This fact is very irritating.

For example, now I like Jeremy right?

Who should suddenly give me a call but Nigel, my ex boyfriend. Now Nigel is one eligible guy. Let me tell you all what happened before.

Once upon a time (around a year ago), when I was very much single and bored with life and on the verge of going into beastiality to feel less lonely, Eileen's friend Xiuling suggested I go to Dbl O with her.

Thats where her bf is working at as a waiter.

She pointed to another waiter standing some distance away. "Thats Nigel", she told me. "Alvin (her bf)'s friend. He's quite cute, I intro you to him ok."

I thought Nigel looked a little big sized. "Erm...", I said.

But she has already pulled me to him and suddenly I found myself shaking hands and shouting my name over the music.

On a closer look, I realised that he is actually quite cute. Deep-set eyes and sharp nose. Brown hair.

While Xiuling and I sat at a quieter part of the club, Nigel kept coming over to chat with me.

"You are Eurasian?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh! Xiuling didn't tell me! So whats your surname?"

"D`Silva"

"Thats nice!" Yup, I dun think I mind being called Mrs D`Silva. It sounds so classy. I half-comtemplated asking him to marry me.

"So why did you chose to work at Dbl O?"

"Oh, coz I am lazy to find work."

"Thats irrelevant!"

"It is relevant! I am lazy to look for a job, so my mum asked me to work here."

"YOUR MUM ASKED YOU TO WORK AT A CLUB??!"

"Oh, she owns this place you see. Well, sort of." *sheepish smile*

I was stunned. So, Mrs D`Silva is actually the CEO is Emerald Hill Group, which has 7 clubs including its most successful which is Dbl O.

I skip the details. In short, Mr Eligible fell in love with me and we got together for a very short period of time. He suddenly became very cold towards me, and it turns out that his ex-gf, who he broke off with coz she is migrating to Australia, had told his friend that she still loved him.

It seems that Nigel liked her more than he likes me anyway, and within a few days of me finding out about the ex-gf, he flew off to Australia to find her.

We lost contact after that.

Nigel recently called me up again, and he said that he had been trying to contact me for ages, but he lost his hp, and my number was in it. It was not until much later that he managed to see Xiuling again and requested for my number from her.

So sweet. But too bad darling. I am in love with Jeremy.

On Thurday I was out at Topshop with June.

While June was scouring around the clothes, I decided I shall check on my site at topshop's computers. Beautiful the i mac may be, but it was spoilt. The mouse refused to go left when it in on the table, so I picked it up to roll on my palm instead. Surprisingly, this works. Feeling accomplished, I moved the arrow to the address bar and was trying to click on it when I realised someone was standing behind me, looking.

It is a guy in white shirt and pants.

Erm, is that stupid salesman gonna keep standing there?, I thought.

And he really kept standing there.

I felt somewhat intruded, and I dun particularly feel like showing this fellow my site. Furthermore, I realise how stupid I look trying to scroll the mouse on my palm.

I turned to leave, and he smiled at me.

So I smiled back, and still left anyway.

He suddenly stopped me, and mumbled, "Sorry, you think we can be friends?"

I took another look at him. Doesnt look too bad lar. Plus, I dun usually reject guys like this coz I understand the amount of courage it takes to go up to a girl like that. Ok I admit it. Actually I just like the praise that I expect would come from him later when I ask, "Why did you choose to come and know me?"

His name is Eric, and he is a car dealer, and not Topshop's salesman. However, once I heard the job occupation, the image that immediately filled my mind is that of a greasy car machanic. I cannot help it!

His name is Eric, and he is a greasy car machanic.

So sweet, Eric, but I am so in love with Jeremy, sorry.

And Sunday, when I was working at Hello! Bugis, I found out that the Motorola guy at M1, which is opposite Singtel, likes me.

I found out coz I told the UOB promoter that I think the Motorola guy kept flirting with me and she (the UOB promoter) said that the Panasonic girl wokring at M1 had told her that he likes me.

How superficial, he has not spoke to me more than 5 sentences. And guess what?? I can't believe he liked me when I was actually in my FLAT SHOES.

Whats with all the promoters at phone shops man. They keep liking each other.

When I called Jeremy, I told him that the Motorola guy likes me and he asked me which one is it. After a detailed description, he claimed that that fellow has been working at M1 for some time already, and said that I must have seen him before, as he came over to get pamphlets from Jeremy too.

How sad that I have never noticed him before.

Suddenly, when I found out about this, I felt a strong surge of anger. I have no idea what I am angry with, but I am just angry about how terrible the Motorola guy must have felt.

When he came over to get pamphlets from Jeremy, he must have seen me talking to Jeremy too. Frankly speaking, he is not good looking. What kinda chances would he stand of getting the Mitsubishi girl's attention when such a fucking cute guy is working at such close proximity to her?

And thats right too. All the time he liked me, but I was so smitten by Jeremy.

That day at lunch before I found out about him liking him, I was eating lunch with him, the UOB promoter, and two Panasonic promoters. I gushed to the UOB promoter how much I liked Jeremy, and apparently Kester (thats his name) heard me. It was so insensitive of me! Kester asked me who Jeremy is, and he said he knew who I am talking about.

He must be thinking I am a common, superficial bitch who only likes cute guys. But truth is, I like Jeremy because of many other reasons, mainly that he can really make me laugh. But Kester would not know.

I can totally understand how he must have felt.

You see, the problem with humans is this: We like people are are ABOVE our standards.

For example, I would not like someone (without him first liking me, or having any interaction with me) who I deem is uglier than myself, or stupider, or generally just... below my standards. You hear people gushing about how cute their crushes are. Or how smart, how rich, how humourous. Never how normal they are.

So, the person with the lower standards would go about doing the wooing, if they are confident enough.

In Jeremy's case, he is very eligible as he is considered universally cute, smart, funny and has a fabulous body and etc etc. So, in Jeremy's whole life, it has been girls liking him first, before he starts liking the girl, and me being one of those common girls.

I consider myself to be of middle standards because I have guys liking me, and I also have liked guys who do not like me back coz they are possibly looking for girls above my standards.

For example, Adryan (he is in character intro) likes Xiao feng despite me liking him for 4 months.

If sufficient wooing is done, the party with the higher standards might get together with the lower standards person, and I hope thats what will happen to me and Jem.

Thats how people get together, unless, in rare cases both parties fall in love together (so they would be of the same standards).

Well, for Kester, the girl he likes happens to be looking upwards, and would not notice him pining below.

It is very saddening when you like someone and realise that the someone you like is in love with someone else who is so much better than you and there is no way to ever win him, you get what I mean?

Thats exactly how I feel when Adryan said he likes Xiao feng, or guys I am interested in praises June or something. I feel very inconfident of myself, and helpless.

I feel extremely guilty, although I have no clue as to whether Kester likes me enough to feel sad over such an incident, or whether he thought deeply into the matter enough to realised the standards thing, or whether he just brushed off the matter by thinking I am so superficial.

Ah well. It sucks to be ugly (Note: I am not saying I am pretty. I'm average). It really does.

Lets take the conversation I had with the Samsung girl as an example. She works at M1, which is opp Singtel:

Me "I very sian over at Singtel leh"

She: "Why leh?"

Me "The promoters there quite sian. I wish the Motorola guy was here..."

"Who?"

"Oh, this very cute Motorola guy called Jeremy la... He used to work at Singtel. Haha, I like him mah"

"Very cute?? How does he look like?"

"Tall? Black hair... Damn cute"

"Oh, he was working here yesterday isn't it?"

"OMG, how do you know!! Yes yes that him! You working here yesterday meh? I thought you only work on sat and sun."

"Nope, not working! But I passed by here and I noticed him. Wah lau, I tell you ah, his dimples are damn mesmerising la!!!"

I grinned at the thought of Jem's dimples. "Yeah, very mesmerising indeed."

"Yeah lor. Wah lau I tell you ah. I thought I would see him here today, but instead its him *she gestures towards Kester*. I damn sian diao."

"Oh! You very mean leh!"

"True what... haha.. He so cute"

I half-comtemplated telling her to keep her paws to herself and not even think of stealing Jeremy over, but decided against it.

But the point is, she did not even work with Jeremy and she already likes him. Meanwhile, Kester's existence was an eyesore to her, coz he innocently replaced an adonis. He may have a heart of gold, but no one appreciates it. Its a cruel, cruel world.

Anyway, back to the point. Once i decided I like Jeremy, all the other guys start coming along. They distract me and sometimes make me doubt whether putting in the effort with Jeremy is worth it. It is very irritating. If one day Jeremy tells me it is impossible between us, all these other guys would be out of my life already coz I did not have time for them when they were here.

Then I would be lonely again, till one guy comes along again, and many other guys would start contacting me out of the blue at the same time. I wish they would just come one by one to be fair!

Anyway, got more things to blog about, but shall continue tml, I am tired!


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