2003-10-27

Quite a long time ago, PY, EK and XF had a discussion about my blog.

I can't remember the full details, but I remember PY said something about me becoming very ya-ya about the high readership (I know its not very high actually but I'm not used to the sudden amount of strangers reading it). Suddenly, due to the amount of attention I am getting from my readers, the blog became a big part of my life.

Every other sentence would be about "my blog."

XF says that I no longer treasure her opinions like before. For example, if she says that a necklace is ugly, I would counter-claim that thats not true because my blog readers say it is nice.

PY said I have became very self-centred.

EK had an even more severe claim. She said that my blog would finally become my downfall.

Those are all friends who are very very important to me. I weighed it out for a moment, and almost stopped blogging totally. I thought, "if my blog affects my friendship with them, I would sacrifice the blog."

Ardent readers would know that i stopped blogging for a long period of time. At that point of time when I needed the most support from my readers to tell me that they want me to continue writing, there were a multitude of spammers. The freaking spammers kept insulting me, adding to my determination to stop this nonsense once and for all. Afterall, who needed extra hurt from silly people from the internet which I don't even know?

Yet I continued blogging, because I am a blabbermouth and when I do not have friends listening to me complain, I NEED AN OUTLET TO BITCH AT. Thats why, my first entry after a long rest, consisted of me complaining about Eddy, Adryan and Bernard all being attached at the same time.

As for my friends, I decided simply to not mention the sore topic of the blog in front of them again. Of course, I would learn to treasure their opinions more (its a bit too late, XF doesnt seem to talk to me alot nowadays), and be more people-centred. The blog is my internet persona, and nothing much to do with real life.

Yet, it does.

Because of the previous entry, I decided that starting a blog is one of the best things that happened to me.

My previous entries all had one common aim. To make people smile. Afterall, there is enough sorrow in the world, who wants to read about despair and death?

Yet when the divorce happened, I felt like talking to no one, and decided that I shall write it down in blogger.

Immediately, I received the 1st 3 comments. I felt much better already after blogging, and felt comforted when I read what my readers gave me as encouragements and feedback.

Besides many people sending me emails and leaving comments, blogger brought me closer to friends as well. Some of them read about what happened, and gave me a call immediately, like June and Peiying. Others sent me smses asking me to stay strong, which I will!

Thanks alot to everyone for the care and concern! I am really touched because you people are not my real-life friends, and are not obligated to do anything for me at all. And to my real life friends to told me that you guys would be there for me when I need you all, I knew you would be there, even without you telling! =)

Enough of the mushy stuff already! Haha... I'm back to my cheery mood and I wanna, as usual... complain.

Friendster

Due to me putting my address on friendster, the blog has reached a scaringly high amount of readers I day. (I dont dare to count). This is not a good thing because:

1) I am not getting paid for the publicity. Ads, anyone?

2) I don't like being recognised everywhere I go.

3) I wrote lotsa bad stuff about real life people and they are discovering it one by one.

See, nowadays, every few days or so I get an email or IRC people coming to tell me that they saw me on the streets. One reader said he saw me on the MRT while I was on my way home. He claimed that I was doing nothing except looking at my clie all the time.

He thinks he knows, but he has no idea.

Its not as simple as looking at my clie. Had he been more curious and tried to see what could be so interesting in my clie, he would realise I am reading a porn novel. Skimming through a page would give you many words like "pulsating wet little cleft", "big pink nipples", "Spanked her pubic lips", "his cock was so hard he was about to explode soon", you get the drift.

There. I don't like having my real life secrets being shown to the internet world. In here, I remain a bitch who just keeps writing. You guys do not know that I look horrid without make-up, I am really short, I eat on the MRT as if I own it, I talk too loudly, I have a fat tummy, etc. In short, I have no sense of shame and my pictures are all edited.

You think you know, but you have no idea. (Thats my fav phrase nowadays)

And about point 3. I started out the blog by telling only 2 people about it. One, June, and two, Elf, who is an internet friend, because he has a blog and I wanted to know more about HTML and how to even start blogging. The point is, I started bad-mouthing people as if its nobody's business, because I thought the victims would never read it anyway.

And then I see the web counter hopping, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world! Oops! I mean, I think to myself, "Aww, so what if XX reads my blog coz XX is in friendster? XX would no bother to open the archives to read everything la!".

So I smugly relax at home not bothering to read up my pass entries to censor off relevant names I mentioned.

Boy am I wrong! Suddenly I get many "I wanna clarify something with you," calls and emails. I'm in deep shit! But heck it. What I wrote were my true feelings AT THAT POINT OF TIME. I might have been angry and frustrated, and now, what I wrote might not stand true anymore, so don't get offended if I wrote something bad about you! Oh fuck it. If you wanna be offended, go ahead. I don't care.

How insincere can I get. Aww but you must forgive me, I am a girl whose parents are getting a divorce! (Haha I think I can use this excuse to act all weak and vulnerable. Maybe I can use it as an excuse not to do projects! I'm kidding.)

I am really embarrassed that many people have read my archives. A coursemate told me she just read thru my archives, and while I speak to her, she lightly mentioned things that I wrote before. Eg I tell her I wanna buy chicken wings, she says, "Make sure there aren't any cockroaches in it!"

I would proceed to give a confused look. I have no idea what she is talking about! Turns out it is about some silly blog entry.

I decided already! As the author, I should be the one who knows all about my blog, and not others! So, I went to re-read my entries and got quite nauseated.

I don't know since when, but I suddenly decided that I shall stop using words like "dun", "wun", "frenz" etc. As I review my writing style of the past, I thought, "What a fucking ah lian."

To think I actually has my emotions written in this form: *Smilez*, *traumatized!*

What the! So gross! Yikes.

Lets abruptly jump into another topic.

My Epilator

I wanna get fairer. I believe that being fairer means I would look richer, and that would help me achieve the image that I want! A few weeks ago, I asked Shuyin whether me, or another girl in my course, is fairer. She said that faces are almost the same, but her arms are fairer than mine.

I looked at my arms accusingly, and saw the culprit.

HAIR.

I am fucking hairy. The hairs on my arm can grow up to 1 cm in length. It is also jet black and dense. Oh alright be disguested all you want, but I take pride that at least those hairs are not curly.

But no. I am not gonna have dark arms anymore. Since my arm hairs covered around 40% of my arms, I assume that if I removed them all I am gonna become 40% fairer? Great.

So I bought a Philips Epilator!



What the fuck is an epilator?

Welcome to the world of pain. I heard people mentioning that women always use torture tools for beauty. When I asked (usually the guys) what kinda torture tools they are talking about, they usually mention eye-lash curlers.

They think they know, but they have no idea.

Eyelash curlers do NOT HURT AT ALL. An epilator is a must-have for all the masochists out there. The technology is to pull out hairs but this spinning device which will clamp the hairs in it. And its not one hair at a time, mind you. Its as many hairs as the epilator's surface can take at one go.

I thought I have a high tolerance of pain, but I have no idea. This machine had me whimpering like Michelle Saram, and to think I actually paid $120 for it! Ah... Men had commented that I am mad to spend money like that.

My reply is that THEY will never know the pain of shaving armpit hair once every two days. Men can only shrug their shoulders. They are the ones complaining if, god forbid, women have armpit hairs.

Lets jump abruptly to my next topic. I am running late for playing LAN with Idris!

Moles

My friend has this colleague who has a mole in her ear.

No big deal, most people have moles on their ears. You think you know, but you have no idea! Her mole looks like this:



I have something against big moles. If you have a big mole, I don't mean to offend you, but you are disgusting and please get it removed? Especially if yours has hairs sticking out of it.

Whever I see her, I feel very tempted to go, "Moley moley moley!" ala Goldmember style. Very tempting, but very rude.

"Hi, nice to mole you!" *Slaps self* Ok enough already.

And I hope that said colleague doesn't EVER read my blog.

Anyway, my point is, the said colleague, lets call her Fizzycola (I'm trying to think of a word that is as far as possible from her name so that if she ever types "Stephanie" and "Mole" in a search engine she would never find my blog. Oh wait, did I just say her name??).

Fizzycola was talking to another colleague's daughter in the shop. My friend was present as well. The colleague's daughter is usually very friendly and talkative, but when Fizzycola was speaking to her, she gave this dazed look and did not look at Fizzycola when Fizzycola yakked on.

I feel quite bad coz Fizzycola is actually quite nice. But this is too funny to let go.

Anyway, the colleague saw what happened and thought her daughter was behaving very rudely. So, she told her daughter off.

"Ah girl, why just now Fizzycola jie jie talk to you you don't answer her? Very rude you know?!"
"I'm sorry mummy... She talking to me meh? I didn't know coz I thought she talking on the handphone. I was thinking why the earpiece don't have wire one..."


My friend almost had liver cancer trying to curb her laughing.

-I wanna say... Dear little girl, earpieces do not have hairs on them.-

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