I'm feeling self-centred tonight. Lets just talk about me. Everyone wants to know more about me right? (If no, stop reading here and go to CNN.com to know more about the rest of the world.)
I am weird.
I am weird because when I visit the library to borrow books, I only like to borrow the green books. Green books just look nicer to read. Actually, the first novel I borrowed, without knowing the author, was a green book and I liked it a lot and thus I always borrow green books since then.
I am extremely irritated when people take photos with the camera tilted. I don't understand whats the POINT. Its ok for a real life camera (although its still pointless unless u happen to want to capture something far at the top corner) because you can always tilt a photograph back to see it properly after you develop it.
But for DIGITAL photos??! WTF? (I'm getting angry again). You cannot tilt you PC/lappie, can you??! CAN YOU?? If u wanna see the fellow clearly, u can only rotate the pic, and if u do that in photoshop u will get white corners around the bloody pic, spoiling the whole picture! I HATE PEOPLE WHO TAKE PHOTOS TILTED. I smack everyone who DARES to tilt my cybershot.
I absolutely ABHOR people who are attached and claim that they are "married" in friendster. If u are one such person, let me remind u... YOU ARE STILL CONSIDERED A SINGLE IN THE EYES OF LAW. You may argue its none of my business, but let me tell you, it is none your business whether I make the issue my business or not.
Anyway, back to my cynical point. If you are a person guilty of doing that, please change ur status back to "in a relationship". You do not know for a sure thing whether your partner if even WILLING to marry you or not, how can you say u are married? Your partner may say he/she is willing now, but when it boils down to the real facts, like fucking only u for the rest of his miserable life, he will most possibly change his mind and say he is not ready for such commitment.
He might even be fucking behind your back, and here u are, stupidly telling everyone u and him are "married" (while his mistress sniggers away reading). When he ditches you, I WILL LAUGH THE LOUDEST WHEN YOU CHANGE THE STATUS TO "SINGLE" (What, not "divorced"? So fast break ah, I thought u guys stable until gonna get married??).
I cannot stand people who give mushy testimonials to their partners in friendster. No one is asking me to read, I know... But I get goosebumps when I accidentally read one before realising what I am doing. Ok, I admit I am jealous... JUST A LITTLE BIT. But not for the previous point.
I love cheap thrills.
Nothing beats smacking a mosquito to death.
And then I like filling up my facial blotter to the max and using it to scare people.
I am an artist, but I do not enjoy drawing at all. I just like the praises that come after I finish artwork.
No one can beat me at Bejeweled! My highest score is 128,000 and no living human can beat that. If you can, you don't have a life.
Suddenly, I decided I am lazy to continue the list, although there is much more to write, coz I just wrote a long email trying to convince a guy to break off with his gf who is studying in Australia.
I shall copy it here for the benefit of the people here who have partners studying in Australia.
Here it is:
"Haha... Australia is TERRIBLE! In my very blatant opinion, it is time to ditch Andrea... Let me explain.
Aussies have nothing to do after 9pm so they have sex. And then Andrea has nothing to do after 9pm, and then calling u is expensive, so she might start to feel a wee bit lonely.
And then her friends would convince her that she should try fcuking an Angmoh because supposedly they have huge dicks.
"Oh C'mon Andrea! Its just ONE! (*Insert angmoh name*) is so CUTE! And he is Soooo into you! Just ask him over to your room tonight! I heard he is REAL good!"
And then Andrea, despite feeling terribly guilty, decided to try just... one... angmoh. After all she has satisfied all her craving for jappie takeshi look-alikes (My guy looks a little like the said actor)and its time for a change.
Nope, I'm not saying u shld ditch Andrea because she had sex with an angmoh. I'm getting to my point.
ONE IN THREE AUSTRALIANS HAVE HERPES.
And being the selfish twits Australians are (look how expensive kangaroo skin is, despite them being quite plentiful), they want to spread herpes to the rest of the world so that they would not alone be exterminated. The condom Andrea and (*insert angmoh name*) use, will have a hole in it.
1 out of 3, you are thinking... So its a 66.6% chance that you should not break with her, you calculate. WRONG. Don't take chances coz HERPES CANNOT BE CURED. Its a lifetime disease.
Still not convinced? Heres another theory. Look, if you are about to fuck only ONE angmoh in your life, you would make damn sure it is gonna be a smashing experience. A smashing experience, is only gonna come true with good looking people.
Good looking people get a lot of sex. Lets call them category "A" people.
And then lets take 3 average groups of people. "A" is the good-looking sex people. "B" would be your average nerd. "C" are old people.
Now, which group, out of the 3, is likely to the ones having herpes?
You are getting my point, amidst slowly.
My point is Andrea is possibly on her way to see a doctor about her condition now.
I see you are not panicking yet. You are thinking, even if this really happens, you and her relationship is not one of only physical satisfaction. Afterall she has been your soulmate for 5 long years.
You can do without sex with her, until she gets a sex check up.
Now the problem is she will not go get a sex check up just like that. People just DO NOT go for check ups like everyday.
If you ask her to go for a check up, there could be two possiblities.
1) She breaks down, cries, and tells you she has herpes and will you please forgive her for her infidelity while you twitch in horror of her paws on you.
2) She did not fuck any angmoh (actually she did but did not get herpes coz she was the one bringing the condom), and gets very very insulted that you do not trust her after the 5 years of the relationship, and breaks with you anyway.
You are traumatizied already.
You are thinking u would just abstrain from sex with her.
Whats the point of the relationship then?!
In conclusion, break with Andrea after her exams."
Names have been changed to protect the Herpes-infected.
Here are the pictures for the Zouk Halloween party as I promised!
Leave comments please? :D
I got a poll that I want everyone to do properly. Its the same as the one on the guestbook and I am really interested to know the poll results (so do all of you) and so please please do it correctly?
I thought of the question (and answers) myself. Although it sounds a bit pervertic, but I think it is quite interesting coz the answers are really varied.
Ok here is goes:
Imagine this situation. YOU ARE A MALE.
Saddam Hussein appears one day in your life and abducted the person you love the most in the whole wide world. (This person cannot be a supreme being please.)
He calls you up, and with the voice of your loved one in the background, asks you to go to this warehouse.
When you appear, you see him holding your loved one at gunpoint. As a very sick joke, he asks you to choose one of the following to fuck. Remember u are a male, not a female.
He says, if you do not choose, he would shoot the brains out of your loved one, right before you eyes.
Please rank the following alternates to fuck, with 1 being the first choice and 6 being the last choice. RANK, not choose one, k?
1) A 5 year old girl. You do not know her. She is quite pretty.
2) A female donkey of relative cleanliness.
3) Your father's best friend. He is male, aged 55 and is not good looking and quite balding.
4) Gisele Bundchen. Or any supermodel of your choice. Very very beautiful, a peeeerfect body with nice boobs. There's a catch. She died 10 minutes ago of a heart attack.
5) A 75 year old granny. Not related to you. Relatively smelly. Too wrinkled to see whether she was once pretty or not, definite is not now.
6) Your own elder sister, who is 2 years older than you.
In case you are wondering,
- No, you are not allowed to use a condom.
- Yes, you do know your father's best friend.
- No, you are NOT allowed to close your eyes while shagging.
- Yes, you can choose to fuck the donkey at its vagina or anus.
- Yes, I know the question only requires you to choose one but I want you to rank anyway.
Ok I'll start off with my answers first. Please do it properly! =)