2003-12-30

Do some math.

20 people wants Xiaxue to close down her site.
80 people want her to please go on (within just 10 hours). Hundreds more have not got the news yet.

The answer is obvious.

After reading 80 plus encouraging emails, and reading another thread in the stupid hardware forum place, I'm slapping myself for not realising I really shouldn't give a shit about the retards.

Spare the mushiness, you say. So just one sentence. Thank you so much, readers, really. And for one more thing: I realised people who appreciate my kind of humour, are those who are smart. And I am not saying this to boot-lick anyone.

From all the emails, I gather that my readers are all capable of writing well themselves, and this by itself at least proves that they received good education. In conclusion, people who dislike AND FLAME me so much, are either stupid or really narrow-minded people.

WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT DUMB PEOPLE. (not me, do you?)

Of course, the smart (aka myself + readers) shouldn't be bothered arguing with the stupid. Its really no point, isn't it?

Somehow, after I saw through all the insults and stuff, I begin to find it really funny.

Heres one real life example from the retards:

EG:
Ewiser (Responding to the retards): "You guys are really fcuking too much."

I think the "fcuking" is an adjective and not a verb.

Ok the above statement is irrelevant but I just thought it is cute how it has the double meaning. Here's the real thing:

huh?: "Do you guys know what does BLOG means? C'mon, she dare to voice her opinions and thoughts about her life. If you don't like it, don't read it.
It's better then young boys who hide behind their nicks and flame folks.
One who dares to do things against convention is better then those many who will only criticise behind the anonymity of a nick but tremble and pee in their pants when they get challenged in real life."

Vinn: "i going to pee liao."

Retard2 (nick is too long, predictably some car's model): "Then u gonna drink it?"

Vinn: "Ok I am back. Washed hands too."

*****

There you go! A perfect example! LOL... An intelligent being arguing with a retard. He can never win because the retard can't understand reason and logic. No point arguing. I say, just go kick him in the balls. Just in case he has the misfortune of having kids in the future who inherited stupid genes (stupid is a noun not an adjective).

Haha the dumbass forum bengs are so stupid that they thought that the wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com site is someone hating me and they are actually celebrating it, not knowing that it was yours truly who set it up. LOL. PEA BRAIN PEA BRAIN!

Alright enough about spammers.

Lets go on to supporters!

I am so touched

I am. Really. If you are one of those 80 people who emailed me, you are part of the reason why I shall fight till the end and continue to whine and don't give a shit about the spammers.

I am removing the comments links though. Its inevitable. But I would really love to hear comments so feel free to email me. =D

Christmas photos!!! I know its a tad late, people!



Work for Tiger on 23th. Girl beside me is called Cindy. If you know her, please do not tell her I posted her photos. If you really wanna do it, then tell her to save the photo from my site then, coz I am lazy to send it to her.



One of the guys there, called Derrick. No, thats not a halo on his hair. My camera seems to capture a lot of orbs. Orbs are supposed to be ghosts. Ok I'll stop it, girls.



Me, Potty Peiying, Ghim the Giam and Wong the Lawyer went to Coffee Club Express for some drinks. Its really nice and comfortable... Big plush cushions everywhere. However, Ghim's drink tastes like... Oh forget it. Nothing can taste that awful. Its tirumisu heaven or something.

With a sudden urge for some adventure, we set off for a railway bridge at Sunset Way, which Wong brought us to doing secondary school days. However, as a very unpleasant surprise who discovered that plants have grown to overpoplulate the path that we are supposed to walk.



EeKean looks very happy though. I wonder why she is happy. She should be jealous coz I gave Peiying a wonderful christmas present, which is the lime-green vibrator Peiying has stuffed into her pocket. It looks, smells, and works like a candle, but it is actually a vibrator. Isn't it wonderful?

Actually its a candle.

Oh yes we countdown on our way there. Dammit.

See what we found in the secluded park!



Wonder why the hand is grabbing the bird that way? Wonder why the bird looks like it is in esctasy?

It could only mean one thing, conveyed in a very subtle way:

"No masterbating in park."

I went home a happy girl and someone furry and warm greeted me by sitting right outside my elevator's doors.




I took it home as a christmas present to myself but my dad took it by the neck and promptly brought it downstairs again. Damn!

*****

Today is SLUTTY SHENGRONG's BDAE!!

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you slut!
Happy birthday to you!

No point being mushy to Shengrong. You know we all love you, don't you? And we don't even love you because you are bloody loaded and would possible be the capital sponsor to our businesses in future. We love you because you have a big house, and Auntie Betty comes in a package with you.

Good nights all of you! I'm sorry if I shocked some people. Its all true. The site is back, bigger and better.

=D

And a happy happy new year if I have no time to blog tomorrow~!


Read The Full Article
2003-12-28

Wah I really cannot stand stupid people. Someone posted my links on some dumbass forum, and like a million chao ah bengs started to critisize what a fucked up bitch I am, etc etc.

I was vaguely amused by the very heated response I could get, plus the fact that they were actually bo liao enough to copy and post my photos etc. Even those in friendster. Go ahead, dudes. I have nothing to hide. On the other hand, pictures are protected by copyrights, so take it off (just because I don't like my rights being violated), or trust me, I have the money to sue your asses off.

Some people are REALLY dumb huh?

For example, they said that I critisized pregnant ladies in my previous (+3) post.

-_-|| Hello, before you used your pea sized brain to critisize, please read carefully first. The only person I rambled about was the lady with a kid of age 5, and I did not say I would not give the seat to her, I only said that she should be grateful instead of being so demanding.

For another example, they said that I complain about everything. "Insurance agent also wanna complain."

Why indeed?

1) Why can't I complain? Isn't this my PERSONAL website? I do what I like here. No one is forcing you to read it. Don't like the fact that I complain? Then go fuck S.H.E in your dreams and stop coming here. People say I only know how to use this argument, but they don't realise this argument beats them face down. It IS valid.

2) They are not in my shoes. If they get harassed like that every single day too, they will get as pissed.

For another example:

"So many F words. What is she trying to prove?"

Nothing. Because I just write whatever I want. I account to no one and I don't need to. Not happy, sue blogger for giving me this free space. And fucking is a pretty good adjective (not verb). But nah. The bengs don't know the difference bet. verbs and nouns of course.

But why am I wasting my time arguing? its ok of course. No matter now much you explain that the Earth is round, dumb people still believe its square. There is no need to waste time and effort explaining anything. If they wanna think I am a fucked up bitch for gangbanging, go ahead. Guess who will be parking my car in future?

-Like I care about a stupid bunch of guys who likes S.H.E/Ayumi/BOA. God save me.-

Read The Full Article

I feel too lazy to write, so I shall compensate you guys with some additional reads if you want.

If you are an ardent reader like Jo or June its no new thing. Its written very long ago when I first had spammers... Ah... Those were the days.

Its my very own spoof site!

I would suggest you read archives first if you have not, else you wouldn't understand the jokes there... Also, remember to read from the bottom up. Yes, its all written by me, except the last two posts, which were written by Jo.

I welcome everyone to join in the fun! Just gimme your email address and I will add you. Then you will be able to post stuff there too.

There you go.

Its a long forgotten site of mine. Enjoy. =D

Read The Full Article
2003-12-27

Everyone is expecting a happy X'mas post but I am sorry to disappoint. Coz I am so FUCKING pissed, I absolutely need to bitch!

Okie, lets talk about him. (Edited: Friendster links have been removed because I am feeling kind. But you can still search if you want. *wink*)

Alright, Vincent (or Guangliang for that matter) is a guy I knew from PLAB when I was working for Tiger. He is actually cuter in real life.

So, Mr Guangliang stopped me while I was pouring beer, and invited me to be his date for his unit's anniversary dinner. I love dinners coz I love food and I love dressing up, plus he is quite cute, so I said yes.

Later on, I realized that I got work for Tiger on the 30th, which is coincidentally the date for the dinner. Feeling rather reluctant to cancel on an easy 60 bucks, I asked Vincent whether he is very sure that he would really go on the thing with me. He said reassuringly that he would. All his friends are either attached or busy, he claimed.

I went on with him out for dinner, and on my way, I saw Shuyin's friend Wanyi, whom I know as well... Stopping to chat, Vincent asked me to ask her whether she is free to go on that day too, coz his platoonmates need dates as well. I asked Wanyi, and she said it should be ok with her.

Great, I thought. But too good to be true. I told Vincent I somehow have an ominous foreboding that somehow I will not get to go for the anniversary dinner. He asked me not to worry. I said I better not, coz afterall I cancelled my work!

Today, he fucking msged me:

"Wendy, do you mind if I ask someone else to go to my unit's anniversary dinner with me?"

"Yes. Coz I cancelled on my work and plus I already confirmed with you twice and you said you were very sure. And now I would have to cancel on Wanyi as well."

No reply.

"Guess what? Fuck you. I am not interested to go to your fucking anniversary dinner. You can jolly well go with your new date. I hope that she cancels on you last minute so that you have no date to go with you. I hope that your date stains her white dress. I hope you fall flat on your face on the stage." (he is the emcee.)

"I'm really really really sorry. I hope I can make it up to you one day..."

"Yeah if you are really sorry don't go with her la! Make it up to me? Let me see... How about you stab yourself on the balls a million times? That will make me really happy."

"Wendy please don't be so angry."

"Let me consider... hmmm.... How about... NO."

"Hai... I will talk to you again when you simmer down."

"How about NOT?"

No reply.

"Next time, before you ask someone out, use your brain to THINK. But its too late now. I have cursed that you will never secure another date in your life."

No reply.

At time point of time, I was walking towards Jurong East MRT. I was already boiling mad as it is, coz I fucking keep meeting fucked up guys like Vincent, and I was just wishing that every male in Singapore accidentally (or delibrately) gets their penis chopped off, when I met who I meet every fucking single day.

Surveyors. Insurance agents. Credit card people. Every fucking single day. I cannot get pass to Jurong East MRT without being harassed by them every fucking single day. Can you imagine that?! When you are cursing colon cancer on every man in Singapore and then such a sweet sweet thought gets interrupted by a fucking insurance agent.

"Hello miss. Would you like to do a short three minute survey?"

"NO, NO NO! How many times must I tell you all NO! Can't I walk to the MRT in peace? Huh? For goodness sake ask all your colleagues to PLEASE recognise me and don't even TRY their luck. I am not interested in a credit card coz I am not 21 yet. And my mum is not interested too. And I don't wanna win another fucking contest where you let me win some "rare" prize and I must, to redeem my prizes, attend a fucking exhibition. I don't wanna hear your whiny voice calling me when I am working, to waste my time listening to you, and hear the disappointment in your voice when you hear I am not 21. I am not obligated to be 21 for your fucking sales and I don't give a shit whether you are earning enough commission coz you shouldn't be working such a fucked up job anyway."

Actually I didn't say that. I just said the first sentence. But I promise I will say that big chunk the next time I get asked to do a fucking short 3 min survey. Yes, I will do your survey! Sure, waste my time! Cheat my money! I will do it... But there is a catch. Why don't you go fuck a llama first? Then I will do your survey.

Dammit. I don't mind doing a real survey if there was one. I love doing surveys. But hello? I have been living at Jurong all my life. They think they can cheat me? Survey indeed. Survey leads to sales. DUH.

The worst is this really short "shopping" survey. Its only 5 questions or something, and it is an ill-concealed attempt at getting new databases. The totally useless survey (I'm sure you have done one before) asks about your favourite shopping centre, and suddenly 2 days later, you have won a competition.

WOW! Really? I AM a lucky draw winner?!! A swatch watch totally free? And then you know something is wrong when they ask you to come down to collect the prize. You must attend some MLM talk. KNN. Can somebody who most unfortunately went to one of the talks tell me what its about? Do you really get the prizes?

As if I have not met enough fucked up people for the day.

I worked at Marche today with this girl called Xiaowei (Don't even start on the song. Please.). Xiaowei was pleasant enough, and very chatty.

We had a break and were allowed to eat, so I ordered some Rosti, which costs $4.50, but we were given a 10% discount.

She said she would not like to eat coz she is full.

So I ordered my food, and sat down with her to eat. Out of pure politeness, I asked her whether she would like to TRY some.

She started on the Rosti with relish, and I am very very sure she ate the same amount as I did.

At the end of the day, we were queuing up to pay for the food (I ordered mushroom soup as well, which she did not touch), and she was performing the distracted look when I took out notes to pay.

I was already very very broke, and seeing that she did not make any action to pay, I asked, jokingly:

"Oei, not gonna pay for half the Rosti ah?"

"Huh? But I eat so little..."


FUCKING
FUCKING
FUCKING
FUCKING HELL.

Got such buay paiseh people or not ah! So fucking damn buay paiseh! Eat little my fucking foot. She eat EXACTLY HALF LOR! KNN! If she think she eat so little then pay 1 quarter la! People already ASKED, still don't wanna pay.

Its not that I am a miser. If she offered some money, then maybe I would say it is my treat. But I just don't like her buay paiseh attitude. URGHHHHHHHHHH!

Wah I cannot stand it. If I had not been so bloody shocked at her response, I would have scolded her on the spot. She needs to learn some manners. Ok maybe I am not exactly the best manners teacher, but I will definitely, in her shoes, offer to pay lor. Hello? I am not her mother lor, fucking hell, why should I spend my mum's hard-earned money on her fucking meal?!

I am very very very angry.

-Everybody is so fucked up.-

(Christmas blogging later, with pictures, when I feel better. Which feels like never. But at least I have chilli crab to eat.)

Read The Full Article
2003-12-24

Marry X`mas everyone~!! I hope everybody is happy happy happy today!

Read The Full Article
2003-12-21

Damn am I one pissed girl.

Today while on the MRT I was happily playing Bejeweled! on my clie (highest score is 699,900 currently) again and then the elderly uncle beside me stood up to give a seat to a lady with a kid.

She said thank you VERY loudly, and proceeded to announced loudly to no one in particular (in Chinese): "YOUTHS NOWADAYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE UP SEATS." I blushed crimson.

Hello?! I didn't see her, but thats besides the point. It is true that we should give up seats to the more needy, but she should not take it for granted! We pay the exact same fares, WHY SHOULD I GIVE MY SEAT UP TO HER?

Oh yeah, you have a stupid baby with you. Well, guess what? No one on the MRT asked you to give birth to it. If you think it will be a burden to you while you take the MRT, don't give birth. And if it was an accident, you can jolly well leave the baby at home.

You have given birth and you MUST travel? Too bad your husband doesn't drive then. Maybe you shouldn't have married him, poor little thing, sometimes you have gotta stand on the MRT huh?

I am not saying I should not give up the seats. I would do that if I saw her. But its out of pure kindness that people give up seats to her, and she should not speak as if everyone OWED her a seat. The MRT is shared among everyone who paid, and seriously speaking, too bad that she did not manage to grab a seat. Complain to LTA lor.

As if this is not enough. I commerced with playing Bejeweled again. My world consisted of little coloured jewels falling over each other again. Suddenly, her piercing voice was heard, this time in conversation with an old lady.

Old Lady: "No no, don't need to give up the seat to me... You have a kid..."

Bitch, very loudly: "Yeah lor TEENS NOWADAYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE UP SEATS ONE LOR..."

Old lady: "Haha its ok la..."

Bitch: "Are they blind or something?"

I had half a mind to smack her head with my DIO bag but thought she was cranky enough as she is.

I took a look at the old lady, and told myself that if she is not old enough there is no way I would stand up. I would tell the old lady that I wanted to give up the seat but because the bitch is so fucked up, I shall sit all the way to Boon Lay. Too bad she talked to the fucked up bitch.

Alas. The old lady is really old. Plus I understand its the bitch's fault and none of hers. So I stood up (to my utmost displeasure) and with the best imitation of a smile gave the seat to her.

That kept the bitch quiet.

But up till now I am still boiling. I don't want her to think she has taught me a moral lesson and made me a better person. It is totally none of her credit. I would have given up the seat without her telling, provided I die in my game, which I usually don't.

I am not finished yet.

Fucking hell why should we give up seats to people with kids who are like 6 or 7? We give up the seat, and the mother sits down, and guess what? The stupid sweaty kid will run around the mrt squealing like a stuck pig, and spinning around the mrt poles, and making a hell lot of noise. If we don't give the mother the seat, she can at least catch them and give the stinky kids a good spanking. Thats what they deserve. Not my nice seat.

Today on my way to Somerset I also saw this uncle dressed really shabbily and holding a broomstick. The flourescent green and red kind. I think he just happened to buy it today.

So anyway, I didn't see what happened at first, but when I arrived I saw that the uncle was shouting at the top of his voice at someone who offended him, who was not in sight.

This is what he said, "Chao Cheebye! Zhen de shi mei you jiao yu ah ni! Nabeh chao cheebye!"

Which translates to: "*cuss* You really have no education at all. *cuss*"

LOL... It is so ironic, I had to snifle a laugh everytime he repeated that. Eventually I died of choking, coz he repeated himself 1,283 times.

I am dead now, so I shall get Blondy the Bimbo to take over my blog from now on. Please give her a chance and continue to support her.

*****

Yes every1, i m like sooooooo exCitEd c0z it is like. mi first time bloggiNG! AnD f0r so successful site too. 1stly, i would likE t0 say mi name is Bl0ndy. I d0n't tink i m pretty but *giggles* i am working 0n it. bUt thIs is lIke s000OOooo00o cool!

Everyone tinks i sh0uld get bigger b00bs? i tink so. Pe0ple tend to judge mi by mi Hair nowadays. itZ like SOoo00oo! irritating! I wish they would judge mI by something more deep. Like mi b00bies' cleavage. It is deeP! *giggle* Although mi hair is n0t bad t00, juz curlEd it yesterDay! I l0ve it!

*****

Sorry everyone I am alive again and I killed Blondy coz I cannot stand her.

Please don't tell the police I killed Blondy.

Oh yes you people like to say I am a fucking ah lian/bimbo. I used to say "You think I am a bimbo, you haven't seen Blondy yet."

But now you have seen her. But oh no! Like how! She is like dead. And I am like the most bimbo now!

Never mind. Being the bimbo I am, I would take it as a compliment everytime someone says I am a bimbo. As I mentioned before, to be a bimbo you must fulfil 3 criteria.

1) Pretty
2) Big boobs
3) Stupid

So am I still a bimbo? Or do I just have big boobs? (what boobs? lol)

Read The Full Article
2003-12-20

For those of you who are wondering why the last post is gone, it is because the mentioned person might see it. I gave him my email. Sheesh.

Read The Full Article
2003-12-18

Donkey has 5 new friends already! Yaay! Popular donkey!

Bye everyone. Gotta work tiger beer again... Paya Lebar air base. Anyone in there? I hope I meet some cute pilots. I will choose the most eligible two and cordially invite them to role play with me the Pearl Harbour story!! Wahahahha!

(warning: explicit.)

Tom: Oh Wendy!

Me: Oh Tom!

Together: We are so in love! Lets get married!

*Tom and Dick goes to war. They are handsome pilots*

Years later:

Me: Oh Dick! Thanks for looking after me when Tom is dead! I think I am falling in love with you...

Dick: Oh Wendy! Me too! I have loved you since the day you had those boobs implants.

Me: Oh Dick!

Dick: Oh Wendy!

Together: We are so in love! Lets get married!

*Tom appears at the door*

Tom: KNN the fucking plane crashed and I survived 3 years at a stupid island. Got computer there no phone, so I tried to email you, my dear Wendy, but you did not reply! OH WAIT. IS THAT DICK YOU ARE SHAGGING? Oops I am sorry for the pun. MY BEST FRIEND DICK?!!! HOW COULD YOU?! Without a condom too! At least I used a condom with June!

Dick and I: Oh we are so sorry Tom! We know we have hurt you! But these three years, our friendship has blossomed into something deeper. Now we have lust. Care to join us?

Tom: NO!

Dick: Oh come on! Wendy was just telling me how u like to act as a TIGER *snigger snigger*! Care to try that now?

Tom: NO!

Me: Hey wait. Dick. YOU WERE DELETING TOM'S EMAILS TO ME?!! YOU DESPICABLE CRETIN! You KNEW all along that he's alive!

Tom: Grrrrr! Grrr! (translate: I am a fierce tiger!)

Dick: Errr.

Me: Whatever. You gave me years of orgasms no money can buy. Come on Tom....

Tom: Grrrrrrrrrrrr! (translate: NO!)

Me: Show dick how ANGRY you are!

Tom: Gr, gr grr grgr. (Oh, oh well ok.)

Together: Oh we are so in love! Lets write we are all married to each other in friendster!

Read The Full Article

I know I know! I shall set up a friendster account.

It shall be an account for an ugly donkey.

I will suggest a match between the donkey and people who have "open marriage" as their status when they are obviously just "in a relationship" and not freaking married.

I will also suggest matchs between the donkey and desperate guys who msg me in friendster to "make friends". Yeah, give me one good reason why I should "make friends" with them. Do I not have enough friends as it is? Doh. Fucking waste my time to read their msgs. Some of the messages are really really hilarous and stupid. Should I be mean enough to post them up inclusive of pictures? Drop me a comment. (p/s: I am really really tempted.)

I will msg the desperate guys and ask them cheesy questions like "Are you REALLY single? How cum no girlfriend? You look so sweet... Can we be friends? I love fishing, wood-working and packing my wardrobe, you?"

It would be really nice to see the look on their faces when they see that someone thinks they will be compatible with a donkey.

For example:


I decided that using Jeremy as an example for the victim seems to be quite evil, so I decided to choose June instead. However, by some accident this turned out:



IT LOOKS DAMN WRONG. Very very wrong.

*shudders*

Shall go write the donkey's profile now. If wanna add the donkey as your friend to matchmake to other irritating friends of yours you can add the donkey at yycheng84@yahoo.com.sg.

Nights everyone. I shall go write the donkey's profile now.

Read The Full Article
2003-12-17

I just finished doing up the photos site too. Finally too. It was spoilt for like 4 months. Enjoy.

If you think you will not enjoy it, don't go. Simple as that.

For the rest of you...

I am really thankful for the votes. Even with just the nomination, I am a winner. I don't need to win the contest as long as I have the support from all my loyal blog readers. You guys really make my day when I am down. Thanks!

Read The Full Article

Oh yeah I added a logo thingy for my site, coz it has been requested by many people.

You can use the html provided to link to my site, if you want to! =D If you could, please give me an email to tell me that u linked it.

Replace the square tags with the sharp tags.

[a href="http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com"][img src="img src="http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid93/
p64e9991b2701a8d18d06286b3285c7ae/fa47edff.jpg"][/a]

There u get it. I will try to put it into the site tomorrow.

Yes. Its time to sleep. Its officially morning already.

Read The Full Article

I really got nothing better to do. I just gave stupid testimonials to all of my friends in my real life account. And I mean stupid testimonials.

My favourite is the one I left for secondary school friend Jing Wei:

"JINGle bells JINGle bells, JINGle all the WEI!"

-_-||

So anyway. I got nothing much to blog about today, so I shall just post some photos.

To celebrate that I am celebrating Christmas for YET another year being single, I bought a christmas gift for me.



Its SUPPOSED to be a Dior bag (and its pink too!) but I got it cheap at Yahoo! Auctions because the letter R is missing. Who cares about a stupid R. I got a nice DIO bag! All I want for Christmas is a pink Dio bag!

I was packing my room, and I found several miscellaneous items.

MY GRANDPA'S PHOTO.



My grandpa is close to eighty currently. He is a mighty nice guy, and he was showing me old photos when I saw this one and snatched it away. I used to keep it in my wallet coz I think he looks really really suave in this pic. That was years ago... Hmmm... But I still think he is cute. I don't mind marrying my grandfather if I were my grandmother. Ha ha...



I found some old love-letters that i wrote, and this one was particularly long. 4 foolscap pages. Attached is this picture that u are seeing, a mickey and minnie pic, from a jigsaw puzzle that I gave an ex. No, its not traced. It is meant to be given to him but I forgot what happened and it didn't get sent.

I saw the picture and decided that I am very talented indeed *ahem*. I cannot imagine how I managed to paint that. But my artistic talents seem to stop at the drawing cartoons stage and dwindled ever since. Damn. Anyway, the little digimon is my fav digimon! But I don't know what its called. I just draw it based on a digimon card my bro has. Its so cute!

Speaking of cartoons....



I found this envelop that has Jeremy's drawings on it... He drew it on a seat at orchard the night we watched Pirates of Caribbean. Now he is possibly drawing his gf nude. Dammit. I hope she has cellulite.

I was out with June yesterday for some shopping. I suddenly recalled that the guy I liked for so many months is attached. I wailed, "JUNEEEEEEEEEEEEE....... DO YOU KNOW THAT JEREMY IS ATTACHED??!"

June: "Yeah. Read your blog."

Me: "He is fucking someone else!"

June: "I was about to say 'Then you go fuck someone else too lor' but I realise he doesn't care. Haha!"

Me: "..."

June: "Ah I know! You go find someone else to fuck his girlfriend!"

Me: "I dunno who his gf is."

June: "Not in friendster meh?"

Me: "No testimonial yet."

Its a good idea. I wait till she writes something. And then I will get the winner of the toyboy audition to seduce her and Jeremy will be heart-broken and I will take him into my arms to nurse his wounds.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

On second thoughts. I decided to get a new boyfriend. Who cares about Jeremy? I wanna get an Elite model as a bf. He shall act in Lightyears. He will be really cute. And he will be an entertainer. He will even write that he is in a open marriage with me in Friendsters, although the term "open marriage" in itself is oxymoronic.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...








MY NEWLY ACQUIRED BOYFRIEND:









Are we a happy couple or what?

LOL.

Read The Full Article
2003-12-15

I am sitting alone at home, surrounded by the white walls of my home. Hmmm... I finished checking my email. I finished checking friendster mail. I finished re-reading my entries for grammar mistakes, but not bothering to edit them anyway.

What shall I do?

Ah... I shall check on people on friendster...

The walls fall in. Everything turns grey. Thunder clouds form outside the house. Lightning hits a cat and it shrieks. An earthquake, famine, flood and forest fire starts all at the same time. My knees are giving way, even though I am not using them. There is a big pressure, and then Saddam Hussien gets caught. He is ugly. But never mind that.

The day has come. It is inevitable anyway.

I AM SO FUCKING SAD............!!

People, look: =(((

WHY WHY WHY??? Why must this happen??

He is attached already!! All the months of pining... All the efforts made. Everything is just GONE.

Shawn, you can marry me now.

Its okie girl! I'm a big big girl in a big big world its not a big big thing if he leaves me to be with someone else who is no doubt suckier than me. Oh, who am I kidding. I am short and fat. Irritating and loud. Bad hair. A big pimple on the top of my lips (currently). Ugly nose. Not smart enough. Thick ankles. Not rich. Big tummy. Totally in love with Jeremy.

Its okie girl! Its time to grow up anyway. If there is no chemistry, there isn't. Face it, he is fucking someone else. Someone else is fucking him. He is also kissing someone else, hugging someone else. Oh! I am so traumatized!

*Slaps self*

Here are the self-deceiving reasons why Jeremy is so NOT the person for me.

1) He doesn't only not drive. He CAN'T drive.
2) Bankers are too stingy.
3) Bankers make bad lovers.
4) Bankers all bald early.
5) Since he is a banker he will want to always be the banker for monopoly. Thats rude.
6) Banker rhymes with wanker.
7) People who wear yellow tshirts are disgusting.
8) He smokes.
9) What kind of freak has Kit Kat White as their favourite chocolate? (is it even a chocolate?)
10) Jeremy is a motorola promoter. I can imagine this scenerio:

-In the case where we get married-
Jem: Ah. Motorola is such a good brand.
Me: No, Samsung is better.
Jem: Motorola phones have 128k colour screen.
Me: So does Samsung. And Samsung is easier to use than Motorola.
Jem: Too bad. I am buying Motorola phones for all our eleven children.
Me: Speaking of the children! You made me give birth to so many children just coz u are so in love with soccer and wanna play soccer everyday! Look at my tummy now! I am so fat!
Jem: Don't blame me. You were already fat when we were together initially.
Me: ....... Ok. But don't buy them Motorola phones. I INSIST ON SAMSUNG!
Jem: Shut up, bitch. Or I will cancel your bank account and transfer all the money to me! Wahahaha!
Me: You fucked up banker!
Jem: Say somemore! I go cancel now.
Me: I wish you got attached to that girl u claimed u liked in 2003.

11) Jeremy does not put a space after his commas. Can't believe he has been doing it wrong all 25 years.
12) Ong Yan yan sounds HORRIBLE.
13) Jeremy stays at East Coast and thats so freaking far.
14) Jeremy has a very tall sister and I will have to climb on her shoulder to talk to her properly.
15) Jeremy is not Cantonese.
16) Bankers are evil.
17) Thus Jeremy is evil.
18) Jeremy likes coffee shops. I like aircons.
19) "Jeremy and Wendy are married" sounds SO CLICHE.
20) If we get married we would have to invite all the Nokia, Panasonic, Sony Ericsson and LG promoters. They would quarrel at our wedding and we will join in and it will be noisy.
21) Jeremy is fucking attached.
22) Jeremy doesn't like me (in that sense).
23) Jeremy's new gf is possibly Australian and he will get herpes soon.
24) Jeremy is just WRONG.

Thats right. I have been deluded all this while. The Mr. Right is somewhere waiting for me.

*runs along the beach with arms wide open and boobs swinging, complete with the translucent white dress*

Let me into your embrace, Mr. Right!

No more Jeremy. I can survive without him.

Next!

Hey, but then again I had this conversation with a friend:

Me: He is attached.
Him: Yeah, but a attached guy is like a goalpost with a goalkeeper. You can still score, just that it is more difficult.

*SLAPS SELF*

NONONONONO! Cannot be jian nu ren!

Ok, who wants to be my toyboy for the moment? Pay is a massage per 5 hours.

Audition 16/12/2003 at Teban Gardens. Dress up either as a fireman or pilot. Prepare self photo and resume. Auditions will include (pole) dancing and stripping. Perferable to look like Jeremy, if not, Orlando Bloom. Leave a comment for audition details.

Ugly people need not apply. It a cruel world.

Readers are encouraged to give Jeremy a smack on the head when seeing him in public. Shout loudly, "I READ XIAXUE'S BLOG AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT TO NOT LIKE HER!"

Readers are also encouraged to tell Jeremy what he is missing out on in the comments box. Just the good stuff. He knows about the bad stuff already, plus I will delete evil comments anyway.

Oh yeah. To make me a wee bit happier, please vote for me here if you haven't already did it?

-There is life besides Jeremy. There is mahjong.-

Read The Full Article
2003-12-14

Alright time to turn up the speakers I uploaded a song for Jeremy and all of you are supposed to SING ALONG!

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You...

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is You

All I want for Christmas is you baby

I love you, Jeremy!!

*****

Santa, if you don't wanna gimme Jeremy coz he is too sucky, you can get me a burberry pink muffler as a substitute. I don't mind.



Or a pink Dior bag.



Or a new 8910.

Ok I decided I don't only want Jeremy for christmas.

Read The Full Article
2003-12-13

Because all (actually not all, but most) of you are such nice people, I shall give all my readers (including those who hate my site but come here everyday anyway) a nice pleasant surprise.

Its even better than caramel ice-cream. Nicer than Paris Hilton's sex video, which I have not downloaded yet, damn. Even better than a shiny new Ferrari. Nicer than rainbows and waterfalls and butterflies and LV bags.

It is porn.

I have found this link, which leads to absolutely delicious sex videos and nude pictures of many celebrities. The site has absolutely no ads and loads in a very short period of time. It is bound to elate you whatever ur interests are in, may it be gay porn, beastiality, necrophilia or child porn.

This are the steps u need to take to reach the site. I guarantee you it will be worth it.

First, you click on the link I provided. It is disguised as a competition for the best Asian Weblogs, but rest assured it is nothing that bo liao. It is just a facade.

And then u will see the link "Xiaxue" on there right? Yup, thats the page to get porn. However, before you click on that link, you must "pretend" to vote for the best Singapore site first. Choose my site (and no one else's or it will take you to websites which shows butchers cutting up pigs, which are actually quite interesting but nothing beats the porn anyway.) and enter your email address and click on "vote".

Funny isn't it, how the disguise to be a voting page is so complete? Not to worry, porn will come soon.

CLICK HERE to get there.

The site will say "Your vote has been counted". It may not look like porn at first, since it seems to be all words.

Let me tell u the secret. It is actually an optical illusion. If u look at the site for 70 mins or so without blinking much and concentrating on the words, you will see all the porn. I personally saw Fann Wong nude (OMG her body is what I imagine Michael Jackson's to look like.), as well as other celebrities such as Jeremy and Jeremy. He is absolutely delicious. It is totally wonderful.

Oh fuck the bullshit.

Just freaking vote for me coz I hate the mattageysius (I dunno how to spell it so I typed randomly) guy (mentioned in the last post my dears) and I wanna win him. I know I already won him, but winning is not enough. I wanna win by a big big margin. That will teach him to be so bloody yaya!

Alright I get 1000 readers a day, so if only a mere 10% of you vote, I will get 100 votes already. If you think you shall be the 90%, well, STOP BEING SO LAZY AND JUST VOTE LA!

Bleah. I can't believe I am into this thing.

Read The Full Article
2003-12-12

When I first started out my blog, I had never intended it to be a thing for the mass public to read. I have never intended for it to be competitive.

I simply wrote what was on my mind. It may be little silly thoughts I have... imaginations, or ideas, or simple ranting about things I am not happy with which I would have to keep quiet about in real life.

And then the site gets more popular. I don't know the reason for this. Some tell me I am entertaining, most claim I am funny. But there are also people who tell me they come to the site just to see how stupid I can get tomorrow. Or how "bimbotic".

Nah... I don't give a shit. This is my blog. Here, I write in a language that is most comfortable to me. And of course my blog is centred around me. I don't see what is wrong with that. I am writing for myself, not for an audience. I stress again. I am writing about MY life for MYSELF to read. Everyone else is welcome to read it if they want. But if you are not interested to read about me, why come here? The main purpose for the existence of my blog is for me to record my life and my thoughts. If you like it and it makes you laugh, good. If not, don't read it.

I write in short form for certain words, because it is faster and easier. Like "tml". I don't use abbreviations for just acting cute. Can someone tell me WHY I should write in a serious, formal language when this site is only meant for me to read? Do I not know that "tml" actually means "tomorrow" when I read it myself?

Someone asked me whether I sensationalise my blog to get more readership.

The answer is NO. No, I would not like to have more readers. Sure, I love to read the comments people have about my opinions. I love it when I get compliments even.

But no, I do not like it that I have less freedom to write what I want. I do not like it when I mention names and the mentioned person gets to read my blog. I do not like to get flamed when I write about sensitive issues. My blog used to be limited to close friends, who will not get offended with my writing coz they know me well enough.

Then do I like the "celeb blogger" feeling? I do not deny that there was a rush of excitement when my blog started to get popular and people come to me on the streets to tell me they love my blog. That was months ago. Now, with all the above-mentioned factors in mind, I am feeling stressed and bound.

Suddenly, someone organises some silly competition about the best weblogs. Read this fellow, my readers.

People who are nominated start to criticize other websites. For example, I read that I am a semi-camwhore, just because I write blatantly about my thoughts and because I put up pictures of myself. Because I don't use big words. Because my grammar is sometimes wrong.

There is a point I would like to make.

Blogs are not meant for an audience.

There is absolutely no need for me to have good grammar. I put up pictures of myself because pictures speak of details that words cannot. The pictures bring back memories of the day's events when the mind's eye cannot.

I even admit I am guilty of narcissism. (Did I spell that correct? Can't be bothered to check the dictionary) Yes, I like to see pictures of myself. I think it would be interesting to see my pictures after a few years and see how I have changed.

Just because I write flippantly and casually here does not mean I am not capable of writing proper English when it matters.

Some of the nominees seem to have forgotten the purpose of a blog. A blog is an online diary. It is not a website with a distinct purpose for a defined target audience. Some of the nominees write in perfect English, their entries are more people-centred rather than self-centred, obviously aiming to be recognised as a "intellectual" site rather than a site which sole purpose is for the author's keeping.

Sure, that would make a good website.

But not a good blog. In my opinion, a good weblog is one which can attract many people to view it despite it remaining in its raw form without any sensationalism. The site should be of blatant opinions and real life accounts. That makes it a blog, not a forum for serious discussions (whose's main participant is the author).

Anne Frank's diary remains the most famous diary ever. You think the little girl wrote in perfect English with bombastic words? You think her diary gives the intellectual simulation other books may? No. But people still read her life stories with relish. And the best thing? She didn't even MEAN for it to be read by an audience when she wrote. That, is success for writers.

The Diary of Adrian Mole are full of stupid thoughts of a young boy wanting to masterbate everyday. Why do people still read the book? Because it is REAL. It is something people can relate to.

I am not saying that people who actually bother to do up their sites to relate to the highly intelligent crowd are wrong of course. If they want to make their blog a public thing for a defined audience, it is their business. If they want to discuss serious events (like politics?), it is of course their choice.

It is just my opinion that a simple and beautiful thing like a personal weblog should not be spoilt with such serious issues. The entries should be light-hearted and with vivid descriptions of the author's life and views, isn't that a blog is supposed to be?

I can write every entry of mine in the manner this entry is written, but why should I? I don't wanna fall asleep when I read it months later.

My usual readers are already falling asleep with this entry, yes? LOL.... (Yes I used an IRC abbrevation, duh.) You guys perfer to go thru' (oops, abbrevation again!) my life with me with all the usual laughter and tears right? (I think only one entry up to date is a truly sad one. Thanks for all the support then, although the stupid comments link got erased.)

If you agree with what I said, do vote for me and prove the assholes wrong.

There you go. I got nominated twice, so vote for the "Xiaxue" instead of the "See the World thru' my Eyes" yeah?

I am also nominated for the Funniest blog.

Thank you darlings. Remember that I love you all. Muacks! And I am not begging here. If you can't be bothered to click on the link, don't.

And thank you, Tingz, for the nomination? =D Its really sweet of you...

-Semi-camwhore? Nah. My boobs aren't big enough.

And if you don't realise that I was joking from most of the statements you quoted, perhaps you are not as smart as you try to portray youself to be. What the fuck is a metastasis anyway? Whats the point of writing that word there when almost no one can understand it?

Read The Full Article
2003-12-11

Just some random stillframes....



Look what a cute bunny apple I cut!! =D I got the idea from Shin-Chan. Recently been watching too much la pi xiao xin. I am beginning to talk like him.



Greetings! Merry X'mas! Yes, I am aware the arms are too thin and the boobs are crooked. Just a silly 5 minute sketch I drew while talking on the phone.



The dragon behind is what my bro drew. Compare what a girl draws and what a boy draws! Ok it seems I am a bit pervertic coz it should have been the boys drawing the bikini babes. I should have drawn flowers? Hearts? Rainbows? Oh, cut the crap. Gimme the bikini babes!



The Cult uniform. I know the Gucci cap looks extra, but pardon me, I had a bad hair day.

If you looking carefully enough at my bro's artwork (he is 10 btw, thus the childish drawings), you will realised there is a "mini" in my family. Thats my maid. Tml, Mini will be flying back to Indonesia!

I am very very traumatized. I have had maids for 10 freaking years (since my bro was born) till now, and I have no idea how I am going to survive without one. I have to clean my room! Cook my own food! Iron my clothes!

I am so horrified. I know I should stop being a fucking spoilt kid. But... It is just so hard...

Bad news for readers though. Might need to spend more time tidying stuff up, so might have less time to blog.

One thing good. I have my own room finally!! Yaay!

Read The Full Article

Thats it. I had enough of models. The next time I heard someone vaguely mention something about model-fucking-ling, I will slap the person across the face with a large trout, ala IRC style. In which case I would have to bring a large trout with me everywhere I go, and it will be heavy and I will stink, but it will be worth it.

When I went for the job audition for the Cult thingy, there was this girl who came into the room. She is one brain cell more to becoming a retard. The next time she smokes or take some drugs (no doubt.), the one last brain cell which is preventing her from becoming a true blue idiot will get fried and there, you get yet ANOTHER idiot model. Congratulations! And celebrations! The world needs more idiot models!

Here's what she said.

Interviewer: "Hi, your name?"

"PurpleBalls."

"So PurpleBalls, you know what our product is about right? You are to encourage people to try our new drink... There will be a night and day shift, the night for clubs and the day for 7/11 and shell stations."

"Ah huh."

"So PurpleBalls, do you have any past experience for promoting?"

"Oh, I'm with Mark Chow (a modelling agency in case you don't know)"

"Uh... But do you have any past promoting experience?"

"Oh! No."

"Okie... We are looking for people who can work both the night and day shift lor.. Are u ok with the day shift?"

"Huh? Ah... (think for 3 seconds)... I would prefer night la..."

"Yeah but are u ok with day as well?"

"I prefer night lor..."

*****

-_-||

-__-|||

Someone kill me. Firstly, nobody asked her if she is a freaking model. Why the hell must she announce it? Is it something to be proud of? Please, ANY FREAKING PERSON CAN BE A MODEL. I mean it. The agencies take shit people in. It is NOTHING to be proud of at all!

And why is she so dumb! Urgh!

But thats not all.

There was this second girl, when asked what she is doing currently, she said she is a part-time model. I don't know about how the others feel, but immediately I took a look at her and went, "YOU? A MODEL? No wonder you need to come to this job interview. Ain't getting chosen during auditions huh? Oh, isn't $7 an hour too miserly for poor little itsy bitsy model here? Oh you poor thing... Lucky Cult, they got a MODEL for a promoter! What a deal!"

She isn't even slightly CLOSE to being pretty. I mean, true, she is really a part-time model currently (which really means she is just plain jobless) but I really see no point in letting people sneer at u this way. Maybe, if there were men in the room they would go like, "Wow, model leh!".

But no. The whole room was filled with girls and no one gives a shit whether she is a model or not. All we know is that she is damn hao lian. Whats the point?

This is the worst incident: There was this girl who worked at banquet at New Park with me. I don't give a shit about whether she might read my blog. Her name is Seraphina.

So anyway, a little background info about Miss Sera. She is an old staff of New Park, which is why my manager knows her and asked her to come back to work. She is also tall, and is a MODEL. She is not very pretty though, but I would say she is pleasant looking.

I noticed Seraphina eating with my manager and sat down with them. My manager told me that she is an old staff but it has been years since she came back to work, and thus she doesn't know anyone yet. My manager also stressed (with a very proud tone indeed), that Seraphina is a freaking model.

I thought in my heart: "Why does she have to tell the whole world she is a model? Gross."

But being the kind and benevolent person I am, I tried to be friendly to her as I know how it feels like to be new. The New Park staff all knew each other for a long time already and thus she might feel a little left out.

Me: "Wow, I like your hair colour! Ash brown! Where did u dye it?"

TheFreakingModel: "Oh. Hair show."

Me: "Yeah but where??"

TheFreakingModel: "Hair show lor."

Me: "Yeah la hair show but also got place right?"

TheFreakingModel: "The place? Hair show lor."

Someone, raising voice: "Yeah la but the salon no name meh?"

FreakingModel: "Oh, some jap brand, I don't know."

*

Throughout my conversation, she gave such dull and unwilling answers, as if she can't be bothered to talk to me. Fine. Maybe she is just a bit shy, I thought.

Boy am I wrong! After I shut my gap, the guys started to talk to her. Suddenly, you can see the glow come back to her face. The eyelashes are batting. The cute blush on the cheeks. The energized answers.

KNN!!! I was so pissed, that I almost wanted to stuff the brinjal I was eating into her flat nose, except for one thing: I wasn't having brinjals. I was forgot what I ate, but whatever it is, I want to slap her with it.

She thinks she is a fucking model, so she can only talk to guys huh? And the banquet guys aren't even CUTE! So, why can't she speak to me? Coz I ain't a freaking model like her?

*Snot*

AS IF I wanna talk to her in the first place. I was just trying to be kind.

Remarkably, at the end of 6 working hours, ALL the girls in New Park hated her guts. She plain refuses to speak to girls. And also, she has the arrogence of standing at the kitchen waiting for food before the VIP server (yours truly) took the food. You see, in banqueting, the bridal table has to get the food first. By coming into the kitchen before the VIP server, you are telling everyone that u are freaking efficient and the VIP server is wasting your time coz she is so damn slow.

Hello?! I don't mind if she does that if she is really so damn fast (coz the other staff has to serve two tables so if she is faster than me she is double my speed). But she is not. According to my colleague, her tables are not even finished with the last dish and she went in to collect the next. This means only one thing: she is trying to impress my manager.

And she succeeded. I heard that the next time she worked, my manager let her be the second VIP server (I was busy so I did not work). Guess what? The guests COMPLAINED very angrily to my manager that her model hair was all over the place. True enough. She plain refused to tie up her hair during work.

Is this ridiculous or what?! A waitress refusing to tie up her hair? (My manager told her to tidy it and she came back with exactly the same hairstyle) She has this two cockroach tails covering the side of the face, which no doubt will drop into the sharks' fin soup when she is serving it. Oh boy I am sorry to tell you this, Seraphina, but I do not think they would think that ash brown dye would taste like vinegar complimenting the soup, darling. Oh what? You say you are a model? Yeah well, but guess what?

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.

Tell me, Seraphina, if you are so bloody successful as a freaking model, why are u working for lousy crumpled New Park Hotel for the hard-earned cash of $5 per hour? Isn't it a little too hard on your fragile model body? What if you break your model nails? Oh god, what if your modelling agent SAW you do this kinda crude and mandane tasks! *tsk tsk* Don't you earn much more (and easily as well) doing hairshows, catwalks and photoshoots? Why wait upon grumpy old guests who don't appreciate those lovely locks all over their soup?

I hate these people. The real models (those who are in Elite or Mannequin for example) don't go around telling the world they are models. People KNOW, coz they are famous. Those who hao lian are from sucky agencies like Jeffery Chung or Linsey or Quest.

All you need to do is to look human to get into these agencies, perferably with a pair of boobs. Actually its ok if u don't look human. You just need the boobs. You can walk around with 3 eyes and a snout and you can still be a model, as long as you have the boobs. And then u get sucky jobs like selling bubble tea wearing bikinis. Or sleazy car shows being race queens.

*snot*

I really cannot stand them.

Today, June and I went for an audition for some nonsense hairshow. Pay is a hundred, not bad. In the toilet where I met June was this group of chao ah lians.

They were speaking very loudly, and poor June was standing in between of them, so they were shouting across her face. The toilet is small.

"Kan ni na. Wo heng zhao ju xiang GAN ta liao leh. Chao Cheebye...." The rest are too explicit, and repeated anyway. In short, they were thinking of beating up this guy who likes "lok kuays" (slutty prostitutes).

June and I exchanged raised eyebrows and went upstairs for the audition. They were there too. Turns out they are from some modelling agency.

There. You have it. Models. Models= chao ah lians. Baby blue eyeshadow around the whole eye. Mascara like cockroach legs. Skinny body with weird posture (apparently case of bad genes here). Blusher like wayang. This kinda standards can be models.

"Excuse me, are you a model?"

"Yeah, how did you tell?"

"Coz you look too dumb to be anything else."

*****

Anyway, I have thought about it already. Remember the post about talent scouts who always approach June to ask her to be a freaking model when I am talking to June and thus making me forget what I was saying?

I have thought of what I would do to them already. Instead of lynching them and slapping every multiple of five such scouts across the face, I would do this:

Me: "Usual yadda yadda"

June: "Grunt grunt. Grunt."

Me: "Yadda yayayayayayayyaddadaadadddadada! Yadda! Yadda yaddda!"

June: "grunt." *nods*

Me: "Yaada! ya yayadda! yaddad-"

*interrupted*

Scout: "Hi Miss you are very beautiful!"

Me: "Thank you."

Scout: "Uh I was speaking to her."

Me: "Why not me?"

Scout: "Sorry.. But I think she is more suitable."

Me: "Ok then, speak to her."

Scout: "Sorry ah Miss. So Miss (addressing June), would u like to join our agency called ShittyShitShit Models? We have a large modelling base of 1,2847 models to date as we recruit even chimpanzees. We are actually trying to cheat your money, but we guarantee you lots of jobs"

June: "Ah-"

Me: "I am sorry, but she can't."

Scout: "Why? And it is none of your business."

Me: "HAHA! IDIOT! Don't you recognise her?! She is the supermodel June Longlegs! She is on this month's Cleo, and on her way to cutting her 3rd album in HK."

Scout: "So?"

Me: "I am her manager, and she is not interested to join your shitty company as she is already with Elite Models, my dear."

Scout: "Well mdm (addressing June), you can still join our company for more job opportunities."

Me: "Why the fuck would she wanna join your company when she is already with Elite?!"

Scout: "Well, can always have more chances mah."

Me, shouting so that everyone can hear me: "I ALREADY SAID I AM NOT INTERESTED TO JOIN YOUR COMPANY AS A FREAKING MODEL, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FORCE ME??!!"

Scout: "I didn't!"

Me: "I SAID QUIT IT ALREADY!"

Scout, shouting too: "I DIDN'T SAY I WANT YOU TO JOIN!"

Me: "OH, USING THIS TRICK NOW AREN'T YOU! EVERYONE DON'T GET TRICKED BY HER! MONEY CHEATER! I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MAGIC STONE THAT CAN CURE CANCER AS WELL!"

-Everyone gasps.-

Scout: "I didn't! I didn't sell u a stone!"

Me: "BIG FAT CHEATER! COME, LETS GO, JUNE!"

Scout: "..."

****

-Good. Less models, less annoyance.-

Read The Full Article
2003-12-09

I knew it! I already said one black and one white would win! But oh! Chantille is so fucking pretty... But I like Travis too!!! Haiz... Nvm... I'm quite happy with the results.

For those who don't know what I am talking about.. Its ARE YOU HOT, the search for America's Hottest People!

Read The Full Article
2003-12-07

I am very irritated yesterday I blogged out an entry and then I kicked the CPU's wires and then the entry got erased.

So, I patiently blogged it out again.... I felt very delighted as I feel that the second entry was even better than the first. I even put in the links for the pictures. =)

With satisfaction I put my legs on the end of the table and FUCKING HELL I KICKED THE CPU'S WIRES AGAIN AND THE FUCKED UP BLOG ENTRY GOT ERASED KNN ITS THE SECOND TIME WHY AM I SO STUPID....

*puff puff puff* *cool down...*

My point is that this is my third time writing this so as usual I would say that I would cut it short but it would turn out longer than it once was anyway.

I would like to say that I do not know how Singapore Polytechnic functions. For people who are unfamiliar, Poly students get their modules grades usually by having a mixture of tests, participation marks, projects, and most importantly, exams. Now, once I took Media Law right, and I got a 80 for my first test, 83 for the second, and good participation marks. This means the chances are pretty high that I can get a distinction for the module if I did well enough for my exam.

When I finished my exam, I was quite satisfied with it, and I thought I could get at least an 80 from it. However, when the results came out, I did not even get an A! I GOT A FREAKING B!

I'm so damn pissed. It happened for the other modules as well! Stuff I thought would turn out to be worth a B would turn out... D! Its ridiculous! It is flabbergasting! It is nausaeating!

I demanded to see my exam scripts but my lecturer would not agree to it. She said it is a secret. Damn right it is a secret! I think it is what goes on in the marking hall....

*****
Lecturer: Hey, let me read an exam script for once! Oh the stupid students! Study so hard, yet they don't know that we don't read their exam scripts at all! THE MARKS ARE ALL GENERATED FROM THIS STUPID MACHINE!!! AND ITS COMPLETELY RANDOM!

Machine operator guy: I would like to have a Quarter Pounder burger now... I am so hungry...

Lecturer: Hmmm... This Wendy Cheng person actually writes quite well! I think she actually deserves an A... What did the machine give her?

Machine operator guy: Where is the nearest Macdonalds?

Lecturer: *flips to back of script* OH! The silly machine gave her a D! LOL the poor dear... Too bad, this is life...

Machine operator guy: No pickles. I don't understand why they have to put the horrid pickles in. I shall ask for no pickles.

Lecturer: ARE U LISTENING TO ME OR NOT?

Machine operator guy: Anything I could get for you?

Lecturer: *shake the machine guy's shoulders* DO YOU WANNA HAVE SEX WITH ME OR NOT?

Machine operator guy: How much??!

*****

In conclusion, when a SP student gets lousy grades, it simply means he or she has bad luck. The As are not easy to come by you know?

I know... You think that I am bullshitting to cover my lousy results. I AM NOT!

To prove it, here are this semester's grades:



See the module circled in red?? SEE THE FREAKING MODULE!

Read it after me. WRITING...... FOR... THE... FUCKING WEB!

I GOT A "D" FOR WRITING FOR THE WEB!

Tell me, people... DO YOU COME TO THIS WEBSITE FOR SUCKY WRITING?? "D" GRADE WRITING?? KNN! Its not my worth at all! Half a year for a site to get traffic of 700 clicks a day for non-porn material is decent enough for any 19 year old!

Can you imagine? In future when I apply for a job with this Diploma (*ahem, contrary to popular belief I will not remain a Tiger Girl for life), my employer will think, "This lady sure can't write for the web!"

Well, thats totally BULLSHIT.

Enough of angry events. Lets move on to disgusting events.

Heres to all UGLY people:

PLEASE STOP HAVING LOVE BITES.

I don't know about you people, but I personally have a very vivid imagination.

For example, today, I was at Sentosa giving out Cult samples to people to drink. Presently this ugly couple came along. Don't get me wrong. It is ok to be ugly. It can't be helped anyway.

So anyway, the ugly couple took a sample from me. My smile died immediately. On both of their necks were love bites the size of frisbees and the colour of undiluted Ribena.

Immediately, they lost whenever dignity they had with them initially. In my mind's eye, their clothes suddenly flew off, and replaced was an image of them naked, hiding in the bushes and screwing each other vigorously, in a very baboon-like fashion. The guy begin to lick the girl's boobs with pervertic eyes....

OH NO!! STOP IT! STOP THE IMAGE!! IT IS TOO HIDEOUS FOR WORDS!!! UGGGGRHHHHH!!

Please, ugly couples. I beg of you, please don't do this to us. The jocks in school were wrong for laughing at your polka dot clothes years ago. Yes, the cheerleaders are sluts for sniggering at your shoes. I will curse them to eternal hell. But please... NO LOVE BITES!!!

*****

On a happier note...

Guess what my aunt bought for my mum! And guess what I managed to steal from my mum, which was a present from my aunt!



SO CUTE!!

Does Jeremy love me, Herpes? (I have decided to call it Herpes)

*nod nod*

Are my boobs big, Herpes?

*nod nod*

Are u telling the absolute truth, Herpes?

*nod nod*

Good girl!

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2003-12-04

Recently I am laden with TOO MANY part-time jobs! Its very irritating coz being the greedy girl I am, I wanna work for ALL of them coz frankly speaking, the pay for all are quite good.... Except banqueting.

1) Cult.

This is a new drink from Germany. The young boss took it over to Singapore to sell, and its selling quite well! There are promoters for the drink in 7/11 stores and Shell stations. The drink tastes ABSOLUTELY like Red Bull, except that it is all natural and it contains Ginseng and Guarana berries...

The Cult girls are supposed to wear this black Cult tank top, a stupid red cowboy hat, jeans with covered shoes or boots, a stupid lanyard, and an arm band.

The pay may be a measly $7 per hour, but the boss is rich (I take that back. FREAKING RICH.) and he says that at the end of the promotion he would bring all the girls (with his wife too, excuse me.) to Bintan to have a holiday. Cool huh? This kinda generous behaviour is so unlike Singaporean bosses. Also, the best salesperson would get a new hp as a gift or something! Thats so sweet! Just when I lost mine!

2) Samsung.

I'm attending the training tml, so yippee! New Samsung phones, here I come! Jeremy may have looked down on my fat Mitsubishi phone, but now I will show him! I will rotate my phone's screen in his face! Lalala!

This is $8 per hour but as an incentive, I might see Jeremy. Or even better, have a new phone! Lalala!

3) Newsroom.

June and I got jobs there as being barmaids, but we might not get to actually start work coz we are so busy with the other jobs anyway. This is good bucks, for a few hours of work, we get $100...

4) Banquet.

New Park Hotel needs me...

5) Corona promoter.

A friend of mine asked me to work on Fri and Sat as a Corona promoter at a 7/11... No sleazy clothes, its a polo tee or something? $12 per hour. Not bad!

6) Tiger beer.

Though not very often, I get Tiger jobs as well... This Sat I am supposed to work. But the Corona thingy is on Sat as well? Urgh!! I can't work the Corona thing then!

I am so confused. Why do things always have to come at the same time?

Yes, I know this blog entry is absolutely boring.

And don't ask me to intro the jobs.

1) I don't wanna see any blog readers when I am working.
2) It is too troublesome.
3) All the jobs are not available anyway coz the auditions and interviews and trainings are all over. Only banquet is available though.

I shall go sleep now darlings! It is such good weather!

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Eileen walked pass this really really cute guy and I told her, "Bye! I'm going over to shake him on the shoulders and ask him 'SO ARE YOU GONNA HAVE SEX WITH ME OR NOT!'"

I performed the shoulder shaking thingy on Eileen.
Eileen laughed, faked an accent, and said, "Ok ok, how much?!"

We both laughed and then she said, "Hey! You can even earn money out of it!"

Haha... Interesting point of view. ;D

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2003-12-02

On second thoughts, let me blog out this question first.

Would u rather...

1) CHEW (and prove that u chewed by opening ur mouth) on a live FAT GREEN caterpillar which is wriggling around,

or would u rather...

2) Suck on a menstrual pad which is used by this obese, ugly, disgusting, smelly girl who doesn't shave her armpits?

Yes, gross indeed. My topic of discussion with Elf on IRC just now. Just wondering how u people will react.

So? Caterpillar, or pad?

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I am sick and I hate all the monkey fuckers in the world coz they are the ones who brought disease into the world and flu is evolved from Ebola and I love Jeremy and I need some TLC.

If Jeremy is not free, Eddy will do too. If Eddy is fucking someone else, Brad Pitt will do. No wait. I will join Eddy.

If Jeremy is fucking someone else too I will eat more sharks' fins coz Jeremy lives beside East Coast so maybe anti-sharksfin people will make a big din there and interrupt Jeremy's steamy sex session. Jeremy will then storm down to East Coast to give the noisy environmentalists a piece of his mind and I will leap out from behind some bushes and rape Jeremy and at the end of the day poor Jeremy will weep in a corner of the secluded beach, head down, arms shielding him helpless shivering body, while I will talk loudly on my mobile phone to my mates about the latest soccer results and finger my thick gold chain while smoking a cigarette. I will then spit on Jeremy and leave.

Please pardon me if I am not making sense. The fever is frying my brains.

AND PLEASE. I know u are gonna click on the comments link to either ask me to take care, or curse that I die sooner.

For those who want to ask me to take care, please don't. I don't like those two words coz it is symbolic of a break up. Instead, please leave a comment telling me I am pretty and I will feel much better and blog something with sense tml instead of indulging in imageries of Jeremy being abused by me.

Ah... Its getting hot in here....

Wendy, you are absolutely the most beautiful woman.... in your room.

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