Singtel blog competition entry, dated 4 March 2004
Bah humbug!!! (don't you think bah humbug sounds damn funny??!)
I was at the main dreamd8 website just now, and I was greeted with a nice picture of MisirLou urging people to read her blog and a nice quote.
Wow chio sia, I thought. I would definitely have clicked on her. I want my picture up there too!
Later on, I went back to the site and saw BEN LOY! Which is quikquiksilver la. "Yikes monster!" I thought to myself, and then I realise its him and of course, friends shouldn't judge each other's ugly looks.
Ok I'm kidding. If you ask me, Ben's really quite cute. His features are nice, except for a little of the buckteeth which is quite adorable actually, unless you end up kissing that kangkong stuck there for 3 weeks. I was too polite to tell him.
I don't see why stupid Ben always has to say he is not cute. Which is like coming true, because his UGLIEST photo EVER wait let me make that word bold and big EVER is shown to the whole wide world (my world revolves around my life so yeah) BECAUSE the nutcase chose it amongst other putlizer-award-winning ones like the one he has on his blog currently!! (I did the cropping, and I think its really artistic. If you don't see it you are one of those people who are just not *snap finger and screw up face*)
Trust me, he is really quite cute. AND he has a sense of humour, which many many people lack. Those are sad sad people, I tell you. Ben possesses the ability to laugh at himself, a rare gift.
Maybe I am fooled. Maybe when he says stuff like, "I may not have the looks (and he snorts, as if he believes it), but I make do with it.", he is merely trying to get you to say that "no la... you quite cute what...".
That will surely make his day. I can imagine him saying, "Excuse me." in a straight face and then going to the toilet and go "Yes, yes yes! She said I am cute!" while punching his fist in the air until some uncle comes out of the cubicle and say he siao.
Shit. Why the digressing.
Back to the point of Singtel being a big cheatabug.
See MisirLou + Then see ben = Misirlou become Ben. ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGH!!!! EERIE THOUGHT!!! MISIRLOUISH BEN!!!! BENNISH MISIRLOU Hell NOOooooo!
oh. Actually not la. Coz the thing changes with eveyr refresh, right?
So very naturally, I refreshed it to see if its me next man!!!
WTF. Erised. F5. Erised. F5 Erised. F5 MisirLou. F5. Monster. F5. Monster. hey its Ben actually. F5 Erised. F5. Zonda. F5 Zonda. F5 Hell no still Zonda. F5 (guess who??!) ERISED AGAIN!!!
Thus, I continued pressing F5 time and again until the F5 key in my office fell off. I was horrified. I looked at the keyboard, and thought to myself that it is very unlucky of me.
Should I have pressed "a" and "a" dropped off, it would be ok coz a is among other alphabets and nobody notices it being missing. But I spoilt F5 (coz Singtel is a cheatabug) and it is between F4 (WAHAHAHA) and F6 so people can surely see that it is missing! I mean, 4, _ , 6?? Fill in the blank!
So anyway. Amongst the 18326 times I pressed refresh, Erised came up 18965 times and zonda 729 times and Ben 629 times. The rest is quite negligible.
Just when I was about to kill myself I pressed refresh again and the sight that greeted me made me fall backwards off my chair and because I am so fat, I cannot get up. I can't roll over either coz I am so fat, that if I roll over two times, I will end up at Batam (thats not original btw).
I was quite traumatized and I asked my colleagues to help me up. She tried to, but broke her arm in the process. The blood soaked my good hair day up. Another colleague told me to just stay there and try to sleep, but I told her I need to blog that Singtel is a big cheatabug.
So, after an hour or so, they hung the monitor and keyboard to the ceiling so that I can blog while lying down. I am very scared now that the monitor falls and smashes my head. I wonder who will scoop up my brains.
Oh yeah that day I was talking to June and Clara and we were wondering if a motorcyclist gets decapitated in his helmut, who will do the job of digging the head out?
Ok back to why I even fell backwards off my chair. It is a revolving chair, can you imagine how scary the picture is?!
IT IS ME!!! Its damn ugly! They made my head more than twice the size of say, Janice's who has nice white flowers around her!!!
HELLO??!! BIGGER PLEASE?? I AM SHOOTING A NO-MORE-PORES advertisement?!!
Damn ugly la! Cannot stand it. Why can't they put the picture of my boobs? Enlarged and double enlarged?! Doh??!
And why the queer quote of me wanting to slap those girls?! (if you are trying to read it by refreshing you will end up like me and having Erised's face imprinted onto your brains.)
I thought of a consolation for myself.
If say Singtel, by an unlikely chance, is not taking bribes from Erised to have her pic up there 18936 times, then perhaps every contestant has a same number of views, and since I keep seeing Erised, then no one else can see Erised.
Which also means that somebody else may be seeing me, me, me and me! Which is not a good thing coz my quote is gross, and my picture is too big! DUH!
Doesn't matter. In conclusion, I should have done that bj for the Singtel guy when he asked for it. KIDDING KIDDING.
But Singtel is a big cheatabug. Yet, it has the best network coverage in Singapore and the friendliest services and the best deals for phones. I love it down to the core of the orange, i mean, red umbrella!!
Singtel rules! Lee Hsien Yang is my dreamd8!!
Enough crap. Shall get outta my office now. Nights all!!
Singtel blog competition entry, dated 4 March 2004