Are you feeling pissed off totally at stuff that are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS? Does your sense of humour include jokes which actually hurts people's feelings and nobody finds funny? Have you delibrately hurt a friend recently? Do you constantly whine like a pig stuck in a tight pram over minute issues? Ever been nice, and then later turn back and say, "Look, I was nice, see? I was nice!" and thus defeating the purpose of being nice in the first place because you shouldn't just be nice so that people think you are nice and think nicely of you? Should be nice coz you sincerely want someone to be happy you know? Been petty recently about something that the average people wouldn't be unhappy with? HAVE YOU BEEN WHINING 759 times a DAY? Have you reduced a friend to tears just because "I am right" and that warped fucking sense of justice of yours cannot be wavered even if it includes sacrifice on your friend's part? Are you thoroughly self-centred with a capital S-E-L-F-C-E-N-T-R-E-D? Have you been thinking that you are so damn good, and so damn correct, it gives YOU the rights to lecture your friends and tell them what's right and what's wrong, even though you are not their parent or even in Mensa?
Ahh... All these are symptoms of being severely ANAL RETENTIVE.
I have a solution for you. Why not try Preparation H?
"The little life-saver tablet that feels so goooood to the anus!"
Just look at how effective Prep H is, and how it could change your life! It's true!
"With Prep H, I am starting to be less anal retentive! PREP H IS GOOD - I love Prep H!" - Jack Neo, 48, MediaCorp Artiste
"Me and Jason are now happy again, as I am no longer anal retentive, and also, he can take me in the ass again!" - Pamela, 36, administrative clerk
These little tablets could save your life, so go on, give it a try!
Now, don't be shy dear, piles is nothing to be ashamed of, so go get your Prep H today! Peel off the cover, and slowly insert it into your anus. We assure you that it will be all good...
(Note: Advertising characters are totally ficticious. I'm sure Jack Neo doesn't have piles.)