2004-07-25

whowantstodrivemetozouk.com

That day, I was waiting outside Zouk for Eileen to come, and was standing like a whore along that lane beside the bus stop. Except without the sexy clothes and horny looks and what's not.

Of course, normal people standing along roads do not feel that they are whores, but I did, because of the glittery people all walking past me, and not to mention the stupid guys in groups of three and fours in their oh-boring! shirts staring, not wanting to miss checking out every young chick they see. Tsk. YOU try standing along that lane to see if you feel like a whore.

The flashy cars drove past in a hao lian manner, no doubt wanting to valet their powerful machines as slowly as possible so that all the girls can take their time to memorise their car plates so that later the girls can pick up the drivers by saying, "Hi! Are you that guy with the Ferrari then?"

"I am, but there are two Ferraris here tonight, my love."

"You are the owner of SCX 101 C then?"

"Yes, let's screw in my car now!!!!"

Maybe that wouldn't happen.

But I was just looking at the flashy cards frisking their way into the Zouk carpark, and noticing that most of them do not have companions with them.

When my friends came, I voiced out to Eileen's boyfriend that there are so many guys driving here, WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE A BUS?! AND THEN WALK??!!!!

He said, "Maybe they are thinking, 'There are so many cute girls here and I am driving a BMW! Why am I alone?!'"

THUS, I CAME UP WITH A BRILLIANT IDEA.

Ala the concept of the popular wholivesnearyou.com, girls can now search for drivers in their vicinity with http://whowantstodrivemetozouk.com in a shameless manner.




Drivers will be given ratings ala Ebay on cleaniness of car, touchiness, body odour, cuteness, recklessness, Zouk membership etc, while girls will be rated on cuteness, boob size, spit or swallow, body odour, constantly-menstruating-so-no-sex or not, too-talkative or not, glamour factor when brought into Zouk, and etc.

It will be a totally superficial and disgusting website with shameless whoring but it will increase the birth count in Singapore (although half the babies will be abandoned at door steps) so the Govt will be really pleased with me.

Men without cars will thus be really upset but they will learn to convince themselves that such girls are "not worth it".

I will then act as if I am very angry with the owner of whowantstodrivemetozouk.com and come up with a counter site called whowantstowalkromanticallytozoukwithmealthoughidonothaveacar
butiamnice.com

I will, of course, be a member of the latter because I am not superficial and I am nice and cars are not important in a relationship at all.

Both sites will further widen the gap between the rich and poor but it will increase birth rates, so the Govt will still be pleased with me.

With any chance at all, I will soon get a nobel prize.

p/s: Because I am also expecting idiots who don't know that I am joking to post comments or send hate mail telling me I am a shameless slut, I shall post this strip by Scott Adams.




I will be adopting this method from now on.

"Xiaxue you are so mean, you upset me when I read your words."

"Bah."

Tonight I shall include a picture of me doing the bah! action and it will be the most annoying picture you have ever seen. And that's saying a lot considering some of you saw Pixieposh's act chio photos too.

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