Don't like Singapore? Fuck off - and we wouldn't miss you.

I wanted to blog the following out for a very long time now, but I wanted to wait till National Day gambols around in it's flamboyant sequins to do it with the full impact.

Of course, National Day is not here till four days later, but I can't wait anymore.

Let's see.

I wanted to merely say that I love Singapore, but I also realized that I hate some of the people in here, who mars our beautiful garden city.

These are the JIAK KAN TANG (eat potato) people who meet so often.

I don't often meet such people nowadays (thank goodness!) but I know they exist. I HATE SUCH PEOPLE. Wait, hate is not enough, let's make it CURSE THEM ALL TO ETERNAL HELL.

Most of these people would be

1) Speaking with a stupid American/any other "superior English" accent

2) Coming from English-speaking girl and boy schools like ACS or MGS

3) Constantly whining about a lack of freedom and space in SG.

4) Saying Singapore sucks and they would fly away at their youngest age possible.

5) Have freckles

Well, here's my views about some common kantang phrases:

I wish I were born in XXX country/ I want to migrate to XXX country.

Well, I am speaking to you if you are one of those irritating people who hates Singapore down to our last Vanda Miss Joaquim.

Kantang: "I am so unlucky. If I were luckier, I would have been born in American
instead of Singapore, where we can eat chewing gum and the Government does not
treat us like babies."

Me: "Well, that's bullshit. It's like saying ...
My mum sucks and I wish I was born out of another woman. Not possible at all."

Kantang: "No
... That's not true. Singapore sucks."

DUH! YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHERE YOU ARE BORN! And also, your life in Singapore has nurtured you to become YOU and whatever BULLSHIT and unimportant opinions that you have, so if you were American, you might really want to be a Singaporean, you would never know.

Thinking of migrating? I have a message for you: I don't think your dream country welcomes you.

Let's take this situation into consideration. Let's use the world's best country, which is Switzerland, because it has very accurate clocks and nice chocolate.

If all the ungrateful kantangs (possibly ugly too) all flock to Switzerland, it will have its finest chocolate all gobbled up, and its clocks all not so accurate anymore because non-Swits are not accustomed nor patient enough to wind pocket clocks to supreme accurancy.

Thus, not only will all the Swits hate the Singaporean Kantangs (I hope they realize that the non-kantangs are nicer people), and hence making Switzerland not so pleasant, the mere reasons why it is so nice in the first place would be obsolete.

You may think I am stretching it, and actually I am. But please spoil me and allow me to give you another fine example. The second best country to be born in would be Venezuela, because all the girls there look like beauty queens with blonde hair rippling to their waist and they have nice chocolate.

- If you are a male kantang there, you will be able to fuck beautiful girls.

- If you are a female kantang there, it is likely that people will generalize and claim that you are beautiful just because you are Venezuelan. You will get fucked often.

The above two hypothetical dream situations will not happen.

Because you are possibly ugly like shit.

And when you go to Venezuela to live, the only people you would be able to shag would be other jaded (and possibly cobweb-covered-around-the-genitals) Singaporean Kantangs.

You will thus spawn, and after years of spawning, Venezuela would no longer be a place full of blonde beauty queens - but instead will be half filled with wannabe-Singaporean-Venezuelans.

It will be no longer a dream country, and it is YOU who ruined it.

Comparison to other "superior" countries

Says the enraged kantang:

"Singapore sucks! Look at how developed Japan is! Why can't we have cutesy lunchboxes too? Why can't our food be as nice as Hongkong's? Why does France have such cheap wine?"

SHUT THE FUCK UP LAH. SLAP YOU. Singapore is pretty fine as it is. Very torturous to stay here is it? Is it really that bad?

The worst argument I have heard is this:

"Singapore nannies its citizens. For example, in Holland, people are allowed to smoke cannabis freely. Why can't Singapore do the same? Let its people choose! That's what democracy is about!"

I forgot who I argued this with, but I would like to say this now - slowly and clearly. The reason why cannabis, or any other drug, is not allowed in Singapore and majority of other countries is because there are STUPID AND IMMATURE PEOPLE AROUND.

By stupid I mean stupid - people who indulge in artificial highs just because it makes them feel physically good, and abandoning all the downside risks (doesn't it OCCUR to them that artificial highs can't be anything good?????) .

These are also the same people persist on ejaculating into their unwedded sex partners (or allow it for that matter) because it "feels good" and ignoring the fact that babies could form. WHO CARES ABOUT BABIES! I WANT TO SHOOT INSIDE COZ IT FEELS SO GOOD! These are also the same stupid people who keep ejaculating into their sex partners even after getting abortions, five times.

By immature, I mean young people who are not capable of making correct and logical decisions for themselves, thus falling back on the same theory - anything that makes your body feel good should be good.

Because there are these two types of people around, the Government need to restrict the distribution of drugs.

Logically speaking, if Marijuana is allowed in SG, then we can also predict that these stupid people would keep going to Zouk to swallow pill after pill (why, marijuana cannot be in pills meh?), because it "feels good".

They will eventually die, or became retarded, because they are incapable of restraining themselves.

Logically speaking, these stupid people are of no loss to Singapore, but imagine who will pack our burgers? Would it be the bangalas? Zouk will also not like corpses to be lying around in their premises after every mambo night.

Thus, the Government, being kind and caring for its citizens, decides that it is for the best that no one uses these harmful drugs to create artificial highs, unfortunately also including the responsible people who might think a small dose of cannabis a month is tolerable.

Otherwise, how's the Government going to sieve the sensible people from the non-sensible people to sell drugs to?

If you were a sensible person with a stupid drug-loving younger brother who cant restrain himself, would you wish for the law to be such that anyone can smoke cannabis? But then again, maybe.

Speaking of artificial highs, I find it disgusting to get "high" (I hate that word, it's so gross) in public. To me, it's like masturbating in public with a stupid cum-face. No one wants to look at your cum-face. Just wrong.

The person I argued with said that cannabis is less harmful than smoking, and in Holland a meagre amount of people (four or so) have died after the ban on said drug was lifted. (I take it the four people that could otherwise have been living still are of no importance.)

Good for Holland, I say. They practice self-control. Not Singaporeans - look at the way we go on the MRT. Also, this fellow's argument is now on the types of drugs the Government shld allow, and not about the crux of our discussion anymore. And just because an experiment on free-rein cannabis went well, it doesn't mean we should push our luck and allow heroin, right?

As for the immature people, it is a pretty obvious case. WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR 13 YR OLD KID TO SMOKE CANNABIS?

Possibly not, I reckon, unless u are one of those said stupid people who ejaculate into your partner (not spouse) and your kid smokes heroin with you.

Age limit for drugs? If drugs are available, you think that kids can't get their hands on it?

We have a Government that cares for us, thank you very much and shut up.

Of course, there would be people now demanding that I explain why the Government should allow smoking - also a type of drug, strictly speaking, and harmful too.

I personally think they should ban it (oh no don't you fucking smokers groan, your life was perfectly fine before you smoked, and you would be richer and healthier too), but I can understand why they didn't.

Because the Government does need to give us some free space too. So, of all the drugs, they chose the least harmful one, to allow citizens to use it. Just one.

I had an argument with someone recently. The Texas brand cigarette package now come complete with a 65K colour laser print picture of a cut bleeding brain on it. Or maybe black lungs too.

It is DISGUSTING and ugly.

This friend said that our Government is hypocritical because it wants to earn money by selling the cigarettes, yet wants to pretend like it is very caring and doesn't want its citizens to smoke.

That's really stretched, isn't it? From my point of view, our Government allows 18 yr olds and above to smoke because we are supposed to be adults who can think for ourselves. They do not want to take away from us the liberty to have whatever little pleasure smoking gives, because they do not have enough reasons to - as smoking is not immediately extremely harmful.

However, what they could do, is to dissuade us from smoking.

They can only hope that years and years of education would not be wasted on us, and we would be sensible enough to CHOOSE not to smoke ourselves. Thus the messages on the cigarette boxes. However, if a stupid person decides to ignore the message, the Government can only say they have done their best, and it's the stupid person's choice.

What a long blog entry.

Last point:

Comparison to other "lousier" countries

By this point of time in my blog entry, I believe almost everyone would be disagreed with me, and I am about to blow off what's left of people who agreed with me. It's kinda sad, but it's alright.

These people who are still agreeing with me are possibly the kindly souls who say, "Yeah lor, SG is good what, at least we have food and water here."

And also because I have said that I do not like people who compare SG with other "better" countries, I must not condone comparisons with "lousier" countries ( Africa always kanna ) too.

What's the point of being in a good country if you don't abuse that privilege? Yes I am lucky to be born in Singapore where I can blog my thoughts without drowning like the people in Venice. So? I shall take it for granted! It's not like I would be banished to Elbonia if I don't thank God everyday for putting me here in Singapore.

I hate people who tell me, "Why didn't you finish your food? Why don't you eat your onions? Do you know how fortunate you are? People in Africa pray for onions!"

My reply would be this: "Whether I force myself to eat the onions or throw them sparingly away, the Africans would still be famished. I shall choose the latter."

Totally no connection. Stupid people.

Disagree with what I am saying? You hate Singapore? Go away then. But XX country possibly doesn't want you. Come to think of it, either does Singapore. Go stick your skull into a fast rotating fan then, bye!

Oh yeah of course:

Happy Birthday my dear Singapore!! One more year till you hit the forties! It is YOU who nurtured me into what I am, and you who is providing a firm ground for me and all my loved ones to stand on, and fine weather for us to grow and strive in. I'll stay loyal to you even if Malaysia buys us up.

Your faithful citizen,

Updated: Ha! So many angry comments because of the ACS/MGS/freckles thing. I WAS JOKING, and go get yourself a sense of humour. Meanwhile, I said kantangs usually come from English speaking schools (MGS and ACS being EXAMPLES), not that ALL MGS/ACS people are kantangs. Cheers, and Bah.

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