2004-09-04

ca�lam�i�ty - Dire distress resulting from loss or tragedy.

There is this Chinese saying called huo bu dan xing, which literally means that disasters do not travel alone. That's right! It has a set of buddies it likes to bring along with it to bug you forever till you die of depression.

Recently I've been experiencing this. Within a short while, I quarreled with 3 friends (two of which are fine now), and I feel thoroughly miserable.

Someone up there must feel that that is not enough, I was made even more miserable yesterday.

I've just got my pay, and since I've been feeling very lonesome recently ...


LET ME DIGRESS!!!

****************
After watching an episode of Super Sunday, I was informed by the Taiwanese media that girls like guys who are you(1) yu(4) (depressed and melancholy, not cuttlefish).

The perfect example would be Vic Zhou in Meteor Garden. Ho ho ho! If you are one cheery guy, you can now wallow in self pity - for the truth is out. Girls only like depressed guys.

For some weird reason, girls FEEL for the guys who sits down for hours staring into the stars, moping like nobody's business.





The girls feel that you yu guys are deep and mysterious. Deep + mysterious = great sex.



WOOO! That guy sitting on the swing in the lonesome playground - my word, there must be so much to find out about him! What is making him so melancholy? I just wanna cuddle him between my ... arms to make him feel better! I'm sure morose as he is now, I can be the one girl who will light up his life for him ... I am so intrigued and infatuated. Oh the floppy hair and bambi eyes which shine with tears!










VS:





Yikes siao one that guy so happy and so loud for what. Surely a frivolous being. What a flirt.





Not sexy lah, too happy looking




(On the contrary, a depressed and ragged looking Stephen oozes sex appeal, yeah?)





You see my point.

Although I do prefer happy guys (I'm not rejecting the odd suicidal one as well if he is cute), I shall conversely deduce the same conclusion for females.

Surely guys love depressed females too, I asked myself. The answer is a resounding YES.



Don't cry ...


Surely you wanna take the disconsolate her into your arms while she nuzzles in your chest and you wipe away her tears for her? Meanwhile, her silky straight hair will fall over her face and you will, gently using your fingers, push them away. She looks up at you with her soulful eyes and blinks twice, a silent "thanks" for you being there for her.

Altogether now! "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ..."

Guys totally love that bullshit.

So I have decided! From now on, I shall be a depressed girl. OH WOE IS ME!

To complete your image of me as a absolutely woebegone person, I shall supply a photo of me looking you yu:




Please take note! It comes complete in sepia (a depressed colour-mode if there is one) - and coupled with the meaningful yet hopeless words it is even more sexy than EVER! Don't you just wanna take me into your arms and comfort me, guys?!

However, please pardon the particular green pepper at the side of the picture. *frown* A professional depressed-photo should not have vibrant vegetables in it.

Oh oh oh! Let's have a digression in the middle of this digression!


Don't you think that a lot of fruits/veggies have sexual connotations??! Why is that so I wonder?

Checklist:

Banana
Papaya
WaterMELONs
MELONs
(Pop the) Cherry
Cucumber
Brinjal
Grapes (courtesy of Anne Rice - her cl*t swelled like a small hard grape. Doh!)
Dried raisins (Courtest of Anne Rice - this was supposed to describe nipples. What the?!)


Moving on, it was Peiying who tried to shove the pepper into my mouth as I took the picture. A good thing photographer Ghimz was fast too, for the next moment after I took the pic I was bursting in laughter.

But in actual fact I am a really you yu person.

Please fall helplessly in love with me.

********* End Digression *************

I was saying that since I was very lonesome recently, I'm decided to the one way to get companionship - BUY IT. I shall get famous singers to accompany me on the long journey home by buying a memory stick for my mp3 playing Clie!!

Gleefully, I walked into the spanking new and pure white Sony Gallery at Wisma's 4th floor (topshop there).

I bought the 128mb memory stick at $87.



That was taken before the photographer (yours truly) went into such severe depression Woodbridge is asking her to quit her compulsive blogging syndrome and go to bed (ha, I know it took a long time for this post to come up, but I am depressed, forgive me) now.

In fact, I was so happy I even took a picture of my newly manicured nails! ($8.90 at bugis village)



After which, at 945pm, I gleefully opened up the package and inserted the memory stick into the clie.

WHAT

THE

HELL!


The screen started to flicker ominously with only white and black horizontal lines and on, and it could not be turned off.

"No problem lah," I comforted myself. "Just press reset lor ..."

And I did! But with no avail at all. The screen continued to flicker. I told my clie, "Please don't like that, please?" and it didn't listen! IT IS GOING BERSERK! SOMEBODY HELP ME~!!!!

I tried pressing every single button on the poor Clie and nothing changed.

Finally, I pressed and held the on/off button.

What returned was a nice new screen (yay no more flickering!) which asked me in mock politeness:


"Would you like to erase all data?"


OF COURSE NOT YOU STUPID DUMBASS CLIE!

Since I couldn't heal my Clie, i decided the next best thing to do is to kill its murderer - the salesman. I asked him umpteen times if there were compatible issues and he said no. Clearly then, his product is FAULTY!

I SHALL KILL THE TRAITOR! My clie was my only friend!!!!! I read Harry Potter on it! I cannot live without it! How could he do this to me, I hate him!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? Basically, I paid $87 to screw myself! Oh congratuations! At least I get to keep the memory stick! FOR FUCK WHEN MY PALMTOP IS GONE??! What is this, promotional gimmick? Buy a memory stick and get an excuse for a brand new Clie? No thanks hor!

Today, I returned to Sony Gallery in the morning when it is opened. The same salesman was there, and he was befuddled as to why the clie is behaving in this childish manner.

He then did the smart thing by delegating the problem-solving to the techicians.

By this time, may I assure you that I am one very pissed being. I am not very nice when I am pissed. I was also from NCC and I did the Baris Sediyak (how to spell?) thingy when I was in school so I can shout pretty loud too.


The fellow gave me a casual "oh, so your clie spoil ah?" look which thoroughly pissed me off. HELLO I AM NOT YOUR NORMAL CUSTOMER WHOSE PRODUCT WENT FAULTY OK IT WAS YOUR MEMORY STICK WHICH CAUSED IT SO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS LOOK PATRONISINGLY APOLOGETIC!

The asshole went on the mention that since my warranty is over (speaking of which, it was over on AUGUST 2004, how suay can I get?), he wants to highlight to me the relevant charges.

I hollered at him.

"WHAT? This is ridiculous! It is YOUR memory stick which spoilt my Clie and now you want me to pay for the repair? Are you crazy? In fact, I think YOU should compensate me for my time wasted here and also for the important data that is in my clie!"

He gave me a relatively shocked look, and all I wanted to do then was to smash his head with his luxurious Sony Vaio's LCD screen.

Of course I got the bloody repairs free.

Bloody ineffective bastards, will take them another five days (ARE THE TECHICIANS ALL RETARDED, OR ARE SONY PRODUCTS CONSTANTLY BREAKING DOWN??! FIVE days! A mosquito would have finished it's lifespan by then, it is THAT long!) to repair the clie.

When they have it back to me, I am going to demand a full refund from them for $87 and buy the light purple ordinary memory stick from Yahoo! Auctions - not another magic-gate is coming anywhere near my clie!

Bloody assholes. "Relevant charges". THE CHEEK!


Moral of the story: Do not randomly insert foreign objects into fitting holes without first checking for defects of foreign object. The results might be deadly.

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