No, I am not whining about my height today.
I feel discriminated for my love of the great purple vegetable, the BRINJAL.
Yes yes, I can almost feel you people giving me the pitying look because I like eggplants. It's almost like I admitted I actually have the fetish of cutting myself with razor blades and you don't know what to say except eye me sympathetically because I am born weird.
At the same time, i can also sense the fellow closet brinjal lovers look at me with something close to worship, because I have courageously admitted that I love brinjals - to open discrimination. It is almost as brave as admitting you are Jewish in Hitler's face.
I have not always been in love with the brinjal. Let me tell you our true story. It is in fact so touching, I expect you to cut the following excerpt and mass forward it by the millions in emails. Add that if they do not pass on the message, their lovers will discriminate them for life.
I've always disliked brinjals as a young child, because it is ugly and purple. People ask me, Wendy, why do you not like purple? Purple is PINK and blue mixed, and I thought you like pink?
We love purple, yeah!
NO! I love pink, but I hate blue.
"Hpmf! What's wrong with blue?!
For some reason, the favourite colour of 80% of Americans (yes, various shades of BLUE) makes me feel quite disgusted. I cannot explain or justify this superficial distaste, just like you cannot explain why you just have this contempt for Cao Qi Tai (we just hate his face don't we all?!!).
The colour I hate the most is the dustbin blue. That common, primary shade of blue. I hate it. It makes me feel like kicking all the blue dustbins.
Why must they all be this shade? It is so hideous, isn't it? If I ruled the world, our skies will be pale pink with rainbows ALL THE TIME. Why are rainbows so goddamn rare anyway? It's so annoying.
So anyway, back to purple.
I dislike, or rather, disrespect, purple, because it is not - like what most people suggest - a mixture of PINK and blue.
IT IS ACTUALLY PINK, The Most Beautiful Of Colours, TAINTED with blue. Therefore, it sucks.
Food should not be ugly. It shouldn't be purple! Nor mushy for that matter.
Digressing, there is a certain type of pasta sauce called the squid ink sauce or something like that, and IT IS BLACK (yes, black). Not lor mee kinda dark brown and clear, but opaque BLACK, with mysterious small specks inside that might have been other colours (maybe garlic pieces - or squid shit, we'll never know).
Together with the pale yellow spaghetti and beige coloured clams, it has a horrid look of good food drenched with the water used to rinse a very, very filthy rag.
A date ate this piece of evil concoction with relish (lips black from the sauce) while I looked on in horror. He told me to try some, and to his credit it tasted merely OK, and looked slightly worse than scary. Not worth it, I'd say.
So yes, I discriminated the brinjal because it looks ugly. I refused to try it.
Then one fine day, I was with Sheng Rong and his family in Hong Kong, having dinner at an expensive Chinese restaurant.
Being non-discriminators of ugly food, Sheng Rong and his sister Goldie loved brinjals. I would say that Sheng Rong would be the exact kinda person who will give the squid ink sauce spaghetti a try too.
Slutty Sheng Rong also looks like Harry Potter so when Eekean (far right) saw a Harry Potter poster, she had a sudden stroke of brilliance and asked Sheng Rong and his sister (third from left) and friend Peiyi to pose in front of it.
Very bo liao, click on the thumbnail.
But also very uncanny. Back to the story at hand, Sheng Rong's sister Goldie, a person who would tolerate no nonsense, force-fed me some of the expensively prepared brinjal (despite me wailing in protest that I do not eat BRINJALS! Nah, I'm kidding, she actually asked me nicely to try some) and Sheng Rong, giving me an utterly evil look, asked me whether it is nice.
His face clearly stated, "Say it is nice, or ELSE!".
Kidding aside, he actually genially asked me if I liked it while Goldie looked on in enthusiasm.
And it actually tasted GOOD!
They laughed and patted me on my back for the courage, and welcomed me to the Adoration for Brinjals club.
From that day onwards, I would have sudden convulsions of craving for brinjals, and my love for it has not dimmed since that significant day in December 2002.
Thus ends the brinjal love story.
*frowns* Some people say I like brinjals just because they are phallic, but that is not true at all.
I did not realise the long-term complications that came with our relationship. Clearly, there are many people who cannot accept my partner for who or what he is.
There was this once when I was out with this newly-known colleague of mine. We had lunch together, and there it went again! I had a sudden craving to consume eggplants.
With him beside me, we ordered for rice with a variety of mixed dishes, and I did my order first.
Expectedly it consisted of brinjals.
I could see him raise an eyebrow - and I felt slightly ashamed that I ordered the object of my colleague's condescension.
When we sat down with our food, he set his face into a look of polite nonchalence and began on his very normal plate of chicken, tofu and the average and socially acceptable veggie: The xiao bai cai.
I looked at him, and meekly asked, "Do you eat brinjals?"
"NO!" he answered quickly, as if offended that I should even doubt that a normal person like himself would consume such bizarre trash.
"Why?" I asked, although I think I know his answer.
"Because it is gross! It is mushy and soft and it is DISGUSTING."
He continued with his food, and I think he does not want to sit beside me.
"Do you discriminate people who like brinjals?" I pressed on.
"YES," he replied, without a grin. "You are disgusting lah," he further informed me.
"Nice what ... " I started, but my voice traced off weakly. "Hey, why not you try a bit?" I chirped as an afterthought.
"Don't want lah, no way!" he said, staring at my plate in horror. "Don't want don't want!"
HOW SAD IS THIS? From that day onwards (the story is 100% true btw), I am quite ashamed to eat my brinjals in public.
To my horror, I have also discovered that I like lady's fingers as well. That is saying a lot, considering I used to think that the only good that came out of this veggie is that it makes nice prints in primary school when teachers ask us to make paint prints from fruits. (Digressing, the head of the xiao bei cai makes a nice "rose" prints when its leaves are severed)
Try telling the average teenage kid that you like lady's fingers, and they will laugh and tell you only aunties like lady's fingers and if you like lady's fingers, you possibly like eating mucus too.
I have no idea what caused my change of taste.
But anyway, lucky for me, Shuyin and Weili both love brinjals and lady's fingers as well, so I can always eat it with them.
As for Peiying, Xiao Feng, Ee Kean and Ghim hui, I think they still discriminate me for liking brinjals. =(
Oh, woe is me!
p/s: On the other end of the spectrum of people who discriminate brinjal lovers, there are people who love brinjals. Click HERE for the evidence.
Site comes complete with a brinjal which is supposed to be hailing something:
Miscellaneous: Don't you just LOVE this lamborghini ad?
And some porn for you. If you click on the third last picture, there is actually cum on the, ah, female's face. (PS: The porn is safe for work)