Warning: This entry is about as long as your small intestines which is the length of 4 double decked buses. I am trying to make this the longest blog entry EVER to be written in history (failed - only 2,000 plus words. Hardly astonishing anyone).
Whoop! It's 4am now!
How many bloggers are awake at 4 am blogging, I wonder. I also wonder why a piece of paper cannot be folded (in halves) more than 7 times. Do you know why?
I also wonder ... You know that bubble tea straw? The thick fat one? You know for normal straws right ... You can do this:
and the blue water part in the straw is taken out of the cup with your straw should you keep your thumb pressed on the top of the straw.
If it were the bubble tea straw, apparently pressing your thumb on it is not good enough for the water to be lifted up in a graceful manner.
No matter how upright you keep your straw, the water blubs (I know there is no such word) to the side and splashes back into the cup.
Why? Not enough pressure? If it is a simple matter of pressure vs gravity (ie. the length of air space is not enough to sustain the pull of gravity on the water), then try this:
Using the thin straw, suck up the water, and then quickly cap it with ur thumb again. You will find that even if such a short passage of compressed air, the water CAN stay in the straw.
I also wonder ...
Why some people are so damn shameless.
Can you tell me why someone would write a blog which is basically a copy of what another person wrote?
Apparently it has come to my attention through a thoughtful blogder that a certain Filipino Miss Aina has been using some of my blog entries as her own - and has the atrocity to copy it wholesale and assume as HER THOUGHTS, HER LIFE.
Very funny how you even spoofed my spoof, Miss Aina. How about some creativity for yourself? Inept writer? How about CHANGING YOUR FUCKING COLOUR TO BLUE OR SOMETHING? Leave my orangy pink alone!
There you are. A picture of the culprit. The one with the ridiculous red hair band. I wonder if her friends know that some of her writing are actually *gasp!* copied.
Wow! Slogan even!
I should feel HONOURED, shouldn't I? I shouldn't be selfish! Sure, come, everybody! Wanna plagiarize me? Feel free to do it!
Wow, I even found this little phrase from Miss Aina's archives:
now here's a good- feel message coming from ArtLine:
Hi aina. i love yo' site. ure clever remarks remind me so much of xia who also blog like u. i hope u'll keep it up. u're so funny:)
now now artline, *blush blush* that's so sweet of you. would u mind sending xia's url? haven't seen her site yet. thanks.. u're also the reason why i keep myself posted in this blog thingie..
HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO SHAMELESS? AND WHY IS ARTLINE SO FUCK-STUPID, I wonder. Is it more likely that I know Tagalog and I FUCKING COPIED HER? Or is it more possible that she copied me? Look at the web counter - numbers do not lie. Authentic products are always more popular than rip-offs. Because the rip-offs are inferior.
Fuckanathan. (I have recently decided to reuse this term since I recently realised how relevant it is. Cute huh. You can't go like, Fuckaongtengcheong. Too long.)
Gimme, like, 5 minutes to finish with some fuming.
WHY DO THEY HAUNT ME SO!?!?
WHY? WHY ME?
Moths appear by the truckloads at my house. They especially like to fly into the bathroom to look at my beautiful naked body when I am bathing! Unfortunately for them, they are also quite stupid.
When they fly in, they sometimes catch me shitting. When I am shitting it stinks and the sight of a girl shitting has no sex appeal at all. Good thing? I am immobile and thus unable to attack them.
If the lucky blokes catch me bathing, I WILL SPRAY THEM WITH HOT BOILING WATER! *Flutter flutter choke choke* ... THEY DIE!! MUAHAHHAHAHAA
Yesterday I was surfing around. This kpo moth came into the room. I think it is lonely at 3am coz the other moths are sleeping.
It darted around my lights a little, perhaps thinking why the other moths seem to be avoiding it. Sick of darting around the lights, it decided to dart around another light source - my monitor.
I tried to smack it with my keyboard. It realised I am not a shu nu, and, disgusted with my rude and violent bahaviour, decide to reside on the wall beside my bed.
I heck-cared about it until I realised that I am supposed to sleep with that powdery cretin very near my face.
Since my life is full of predictabilities, I expect it will, sensing weakness, immediately flap its grotesque wings around my face the moment I lie down. If I open my mouth to scream it will even fly in.
I will never be able to sleep in peace.
I stared at the immobile moth and contemplated waking my brother, a courageous gallant man called Clinton, to rid me of the evil monster. But Clinton has to wake up at 8am tomorrow. Not that I am considerate of course, but mama will holler at me for waking him up.
I contemplated setting Cloudy on it,
but Cloudy is fluffy, lazy, and quite incapable of capturing extremely dangerous creatures like said moth.
There was only one thing to do. I must, I will, work up some courage to catch the moth myself!
My, my, its wings must span 3 metres when spread properly. It is definitely no task for the weak-hearted.
With a plastic box I inched forward, arms trembling. Still, the creature remained unmoving. Maybe it is having a nice dream. I SHALL GIVE IT A NICE DREAM!!! MUAHAHAHA
Allow me, to showcase my game?
Check out those poisonous fangs!
Whoop! Don't faint! My word, I am one valiant woman.
EVIL EYES! Don't look, for they are rumoured to kill when you look straight at their eyes!
Since moths are relatively easy to capture I shall be scared of them NO MORE.
Moth = 0 , Xiaxue = 1
When I was 15, I sneaked out of my house at 3am to spend the night at a friend's place.
Very naughty little girl I was. Kids reading this, if you sneak out of your house you will get raped, then have your limbs cut off and sold to Philippines where they will sell you back to Singapore and people will bite of your nipples. So do not sneak out at night.
So anyway, I was out of my house in Queensway (then), at 3am, in my RV school uniform.
I was waiting for a taxi to pick me up, when this man, with a lady at the passenger's seat, stopped his car beside me.
The lady wound her window down and spoke kindly to me:
"Little girl, where are you going so late at night? It's 3am! Are you lost?"
With a startled gasp, I stared at the pretty stranger's face and realised she is an actress - I rather liked too!
"Eh, I am going to my friend's home for studying," I stammered, rather afraid I will be chided for telling the truth.
"Where is it?" She inquired.
"Hougang ... " I replied.
She turned to look at her male driver, spoke to him, and when they reached a consensus, the guy nodded.
"We drive you there lah ... It's very dangerous you know, it is so late at night!" she piped up.
I agreed, thinking about cab fare. Besides, actresses won't rob people right?
So they sent me to Hougang as promised, without even asking difficult questions about what I am doing so damn late.
Several years later, I met this actress when I was working and we because friends. She didn't recognise me but recalled as I reminded her of the incident so many years ago. Turns out that we were neighbours then (she stayed at Queenstown then) and her guy friend was sending her back when they saw me. Which means they went from QW to Hougang and back again that fruitful night!
She is Eileen Wee.
Why do I have this gorgeous pic? Coz lim pei help her do photo-enhancing. Not that there is much that needs to be changed anyway.
So anyway, the above event is enough to prove that Eileen is as sincerely nice as you can get (No, I do not think she helped me when I was 15 so that 5 years later she gets mentioned on this blog).
She is also, besides nice, apparently quite gorgeous. And yes, those boobs are quite real.
What am I getting at?
Perhaps you already know: THIS
A charity auction for a dinner date with Eileen! It's all for a good cause. Presently the bid is $5,300 as I see it. Surely one of you readers here will outbid Mr Henry?
If you win the bid, I know you would have a great time with Eileen ... And guess what? You can talk to her about ME as a starter to the conversation!
Finish this extremely long blog entry and then go bid.
Idoling ('idling''s pun) at Weili's country club
Came back from meeting Weili and Wanyi just now ...
We went to watch Singapore Idol there!
Sadly speaking, I don't have much to say about the singing. But truth be told, I DO want to wring Jerry's neck.
Anyway I support Maia coz Maia is June's sister's ex singing teacher. During my Jeremy era Maia came with June's sis and June to look for me when I was selling Mitsubishi phones. I was whining about how much I like Jem when Maia suggested that I go kiss him when I leave for home later.
I told her that is quite ludicrous as I am so not the kind who kiss people (although the thought of kissing Jeremy was quite enticing although I am not quite tall enough to do that).
Maia persisted that it is possible and that is what she did to the guy she liked too! How feisty!
She finished this cute speech with some singing - and man she is good I tell you. Oh, you possibly already know. LOL.
Back to the day.
Lookie what Wanyi made for us!!!
At the topic of sweetness, I can go into a very long ramble about how guys suck nowadays but since I am quite tired I shall try to cut it short:
See the cookies?
Why is it that no guys will do such stuff nowadays? Or is it just me?
Here's a set of photos:
When I was sec 1 or 2 and looking like a piece of fugly shit, guys were so sweet to me. (no surgery, it's MAKE UP!)
I miss those days when a guy who likes me will bring me to his place ...
Introduce me to his mum ...
Show me his high jump medals ...
Cook some noodles for me to eat ...
Play the piano and sing to David Tao's Ai Hen Jian Dan for me, with me looking away shyly but unable to mask a happy smile ...
Fold paper hearts for me every time we take a bus together ...
Pull out the ring from the can drinks and put it on my finger and ask me to marry him ...
Page me 177155-4 (miss u) with a payphone ...
Surprise me by fetching me from school (to the envious looks of other classmates) and etc etc nostalgic bullshit.
BUT NO! It doesn't happen anymore!
BOYS CHANGE! They become smarter! They realise that there is no longer a need to be all nice to a girl when you are chasing her. It plain doesn't work (yes it does, but rarely). If a girl wants to be with you, she possibly would agree without much cajoling (otherwise known as woo-ing). These little actions are a waste of time, money and efforts. If she doesn't like you, she wouldn't be with you even after you act Mr. Nice Guy to her for 5,000 years.
Here's, according to me, how males behave as I grow older. I stress: THE FOLLOWING IS HOW MALES BEHAVE - The female reactions is how I expect most females to react:
Pri 6, first boyfriend - Sequence of events:
1) Talk on the phone
2) Does sweet things for girl, and vice versa to show interest
3) Ask girl to be his girlfriend
4) 1 month later: Hold hands
5) 1.5 months later: Kiss
16, n boyfriend - Sequence of events:
1) Talk on phone, blah blah. Arrange to meet up.
2) Watch a movie
3) Attempts to hold girl's hand
4) She agrees because she doesn't mind him being her boyfriend.
5) Formally ask if she want to be with him while STILL holding her hand after the show.
6) 1 week later: kiss
18, n boyfriend - Sequence of events:
1) Talk on the phone, blah blah. Arrange to meet up.
2) Watch a movie
3) Attempts to hold girl's hand
4) She agrees because she doesn't mind him being her boyfriend.
5) Attempts to grope her breasts and kiss her.
6) She recoils.
7) She asks him if he wants to be with her. Only if he is prepared to be committed can he touch her.
8) Acts like he is very confused, needs to think about it because he doesn't want to commit and then break up later on. After all, we don't know each other very well. Let's know each other better first ...
9) No contact thereafter.
20, single for goodness knows how long - Sequence of events:
1) Meet, kiss, fondle, fuck.
2) "Hey, you know that was ... not serious, right?"
Alas. That's how males function nowadays. Is any in this era about to ask me to be his girlfriend before attempting to hold my hand? Doubtful.
Or is it something wrong with me?
I used to look like that, and now I look (somewhat) like this:
Sorry, photo taken to announce that my Clie can now play mp3s.
but yet the guys who like me have dwindled down to ZERO currently. Ok maybe 1, or 2 dormant guys.
But you know what? When I was in secondary 1 I was so damn popular! The guys swarmed like bees!
Character change? I don't think so. Then what is the problem?
I shall talk about this in the next blog entry. Let's continue with mundane staff because I am tired!!!
Speaking of the cookies, Wanyi did something very boh liao.
She picked up one of the star-shaped cookies, and did this:
She then looked at us, and said, "Look, shooting star!!!"
Someone smack her.
Not to lose out to Wanyi, Weili baked some cheesecake for us!
It looks like this:
Liquid cheesecake. Melted in the heat!
And can you believe the following?
HE EATS IT!
So appalling! Yes we are all shocked out of our wits!
Someone help Wanyi!
She got so appalled by Weili that she decided to be a porn star. I found a pic of her during her audition ... She looks a little scared, no? The pink thing beside her is her G-string which she took out and decided not to wear back.
Lazing on the couch like we own Serangoon Country Club's Family Room.
OOOH! Scary hair! Mine. You wanted curls right?
It's not that bad after some arranging!
Someone ask Weili to stop acting cute!
Let's interrupt this flow of events with a picture of ME!
Somehow, after photoshop, it doesn't seem to look like me ...
After the show Weili and I visited a pet shop.
(Yes my sentences are one liners now as I am very tired)
I persuaded this little boy to take a photo with the WABBIT! SO cute! He is the owner's son and gave me a pretty thorough run-through of the store, including showing me where some frozen centipedes are kept.
We saw a dead pufferfish.
I told him, "Oh no, dead how?"
He gave me a sad face.
So I said, "Let's give the dead fish to the rabbit to eat!"
He said solemnly, "Rabbit don't even this kind of things ... Give to Luo Han, it is the Luo han's favourite!"
Sure knows his stuff!
Weili wanted to buy the hamsters
Pink tee from Spatick!
Spatick (real name concealed because he doesn't want me to reveal it) bought me a nice pink tee from the UK (where he is taking his law degree now)!!!
Just a normal plain pink tee, you comment placidly.
No it isn't!
Lookie what it says on the back!
Still wanna go out with me, girls?
Let's end this super long entry with photos of me!!!
I realised something!
If I cut my pic off at the nose area, I look pretty! Resplendent, in fact.
HAO MEI AH!
Almost like a mei nu!
I am about to knock out. Good night ya all.