2004-02-22

Just a few news coz I have a test tomorrow and I've gotta study for it...

1) I'm pregnant, help me think of a name for my baby.

Kidding.

1) Anyone knows where to buy Preparation H?

Kidding.

1) Ok I'm serious now. I'm on the centerfold of the Newpaper if you managed to get your hands on one. More about that when I have the time. But anyway my butt looks fat in that picture (believe me it is alot nicer than what it appears to be ok!) and I look absolutely horrid. I need photoshop. I am dying without photoshop. And a PC for that matter.

2) I got my first interview with RSI, a chinese radio station which runs by Shortwaves, which means it reaches out more to a regional audience rather than merely Singaporean. You can hear my voice (speaking in crisp Mandarin!) if you wanna... This interview is merely for myself, as a blogger, and nothing to do with the Singtel competition. As soon as I know the date I would let you know!

Sincerest (if there is such a word) apologies to non-mandarin speaking blogders though...

3) I got interviewed by Lian He Zhao Bao as well but I can't seem to find the article, so if you see it tell me!!

4) I got into Mediacorp Press for my attachment!! How cool is that!

5) Voting starts on 1st March 2004, for the Dreamd8 thing.. It would be 20 cents per vote, and you can even msg me if you wanna. Click here to see how!

I suggest, however, that you save on that 20 to sms me and send me an email instead, coz I would not reply it as the 3650 that Singtel sponsored is very tough to sms with. If you really wanna show support, do vote instead.

Keep in mind however that the contest would go on for a relatively long time, and each week the votes would get deleted, so if you can only cast one vote then I hope you would do so during the later weeks I guess. IF I managed to stay in the contest long enough.

6) The launch party on Thursday was a big blast, it is really a pity for those who didn't go coz the competition would be so much more exciting should you have seen all the contestants. An interesting bunch, I would say.

Androgenous Aaron won himself a 3660 (an upgrade of 3650) coz he was the most avid supporter!! Coz my classmates bought flowers for me and AndroAaron kneeled down to present the flowers to me!!! And he got a 6 months free subscription! Gwenne got a webcam! How cool is that!

7) I lost weight! This is because my maid is gone and I am too lazy to cook! How cool is that!

Thats it!!! But I'm on a roll!! No one is luckier than me on this Earth! I'm one lucky bitch!!! Yaaaaaay!! Yeehaa!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

On a last note, VOTE FOR ME OR DIE.

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2004-02-18

Its Valentine's Day once again, the stupid day where men spend so much to pay to florists who are sniggering behind their backs.

Juts a thought: If you are a flowery florist, should your date buy flowers from you to give to you? If he does (I am assuming that most florists are females), isn't it irritating that u would have to wrap your own flowers?? If he does not, do you feel betrayed that he is giving business to other people?? Wahahahahaha... LOL

I'm not gonna blog much coz I'm using my friend's laptop and I hate typing on laptops.

So anyway, what did YOU do this V Day for your loved ones?? I excitedly shaved my pubes into a heart shape and dyed it pink merrily, and then realised that no one's looking. So I dejectedly went to a bar to look for other singles so that the dye job doesn't go to waste. Alas... All the bleach corroded my skin and it is now inflamed with little cauliflower-like growths, thus scaring the shit out of the French man (You should be like ze hippo...[see Along Came Polly, f-funny]) I managed to hook up at a bar. He freaked out, smacked me with a Hermes bag, poured some wine onto my head and proceeded to leave for the Eiffel Tower. WTF.

I'm kidding. But I thought it is a pretty cool idea, isn't it?? I mean the dyeing, not the cauliflower like growths.

So anyway, Alvin bought me a big bouquet of Tulips despite me explicitly asking him not to coz I do not think the florists deserve the money (He can jolly well give it to me!), and I think that I would be very tempted to whack love-sick people with the bouquet should they smooch on escalators. It would be very pleasant if they have hay fever.

So, I left the bouquet in the car.

However, as I was walking around Cineleisure, I realised that I should not have left the bouquet there, coz everyone else seems to prancing around with an adoring male and a teeny weeny bouquet of flowers.

The POINT IS THAT MINE IS BIGGER!!!

Now I know how men with big penises feel. You wanna shout to the world! "I HAVE A FUCKING BIG PENIS!!! YOU SHOULD FUCK ME AND HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!" but they can't, coz they can't prove it just like that!! How irritating is that!!

MY BOUQUET IS BIGGER! IT IS BIGGER! IT IS BETTER!! IT HAS MORE OoophMmm!IT HAS MORE FLOWERS! ITS EXPENSIVE TULIPS!! NOT STUPID ROSES!! But I left it in the car!!!

No one is competing with me you say. BULLSHIT! The silly girls with the single rose (or the miserly 3 rose plastic wrapped bunches) are all giving me the "My bf treats me better than yours!" look. Well thats nonsense. Alvin, although boyfriend he is not, just caught me a firefly from camp.

And it really glows!! Its so cute!! Alvin says that to catch it you sort of wait for it to fly around, then smack it. Then it sort of goes dizzy and flutters down to the grass, where you have to immediately whip out a torch and find it. And he presented it to me in a ice mountain water bottle.

But thats not the point!! The point is I wanna slap those girls!! Why are they looking so proud of themselves??! Its just a minute puny bunch of cheapo flowers!!! HELLO! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!! Stop looking so dreamy and love-sick! HE JUST WANTS A BLOWJOB! (If the same theory stands Alvin wants a BIG blowjob. I asked him and he denies it. Bloody liar.)

I thought of ways to counter these idiotic girls.

I shall print t-shirts. T-shirts that I would sell on V-day to girls who don't wanna (or didn't) get flowers.



And if thats not satisfying enough, surely this is:



Wahahahaha.. Did I say I shall not blog much.. Sorry, I eat my words again.

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Terrrrrrrific news people!! MY COM IS DOWN!!!!

*stunned silence*

CONGRATULATIONS!!! AND CELEBRATIONS!!

So no blogging.

If you expect me to apologize for the inconvenience caused, don't. Coz I am dying without a com myself!

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2004-02-15

There will be a launch party for Singtel's my dreamd8's finalists, and it will be on thursday at a club... Free entry and drinks, IF you make banners for me!!!! Lalala!!!

Send me an email asap if you wanna go.. You don't need to even talk to me if you don't wanna, but if you wanna come pump my hand and say you love my blog, I'm more than happy!! Hahahaha!!

Alright, do send me an email if you wanna go!!

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2004-02-13

(The front part where I posted photos of SR's uncle's magnificent house is is deleted because the said uncle didn't like it. Tsk tsk, this popularity thing is freaking irritating me, I can't even post such harmless stuff. Knn. So yeah, if you are an avid reader you would have seen it. If you are not, too bad la. Here's the second part anyway.)

BTW I won $20 in mahjong there. Yaaay!

Speaking of Mahjong!!

I experienced the worst EVER scenerio in mahjong.

Alright, for people who have like no idea how mahjong is played, it is basically like this:

Tiles are split into 4 kinds,

The bamboos,
The numbers,
and the circles. The fourth are the etc tiles, which are pretty much irritating anyway.

In order to win, you must have all your tiles in sequence in sets of threes (eg 5,6,7 circles), or having 3 of the same kind, commonly known as a "PONG" (3,3,3 bamboos), and together with a pair (5, 5 number).

EG:

You have
1,2,3 bamboo. 4, 5 circles. 6,7,8 number. 6,7,8 bamboo. 7,7 bamboo.

So what u are waiting for here could be a 3 or 6 circle correct?

Its really confusing, what I am talking about yeah? Never mind.

The point is, this happened:



You can see from the picture that everyone has 9 tiles of the same kind displayed out. When this happens, it means that if I throw anything that is number, bamboo, or circle, and somebody wins, I would have to pay for everyone else!! Thats real shitty, because I have no "etc" tiles to throw so anything I throw (numbers, bamboos, or circles) could cause me to lose big time!

BUT GUESS WHAT?!!!



WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


I still can't get over it!! I ZI MO!!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!!

1 fan win everyone who have 4 fan!! Cannot stand it.

Anyway if you don't play mahjong, you possibly don't understand, so its ok.

Here are my mahjong kakis!! From left, Alvin (Huifen's boyfriend), Hui Fen (my ex RV classmate), and Hui Juan, HF's sis.


They are so cute ah!

Here are some other miscellaneous photos:



Alvin bought flowers for me. =)))) Been long since I last received such stuff. Hahaha! (We are not together in case you are wondering, but I give him a blowjob once in a while. JOKING JOKING. No really. I'm joking la!!! (Don't bluff!) I never!! You ask Alvin!)



Girls I'm so sorry I didn't write about this earlier. You see, that day I was at Tampines Mall and they were having this Levi's sale, of second quality Levi's jeans which have some defects somewhere so they cant be put into the Levi's stores. SO THEY WERE ON SALE!!!

I bought this beautiful 593 at a freaking $65!!! The usual price is like $120 I believe!! Wahahahah!! Sorry its over by now... And the best thing? I don't see any defects anywhere.

Anyway, can someone explain to me why there are like 20 AndroAarons in the poll? And like so many gay amoebas? Will the real Androgenous Aaron please stand up?! ("Don't disturb me I am sleeping...")

Alright, now the limelight shall me on me! More photos of the supposedly nightie, taken at Clara's house. Its not a nightie btw! Its just a spag strap!






In case you are wondering why the sudden spur for photos, it is because of this:

=)

I got in!!! I'm on of the top ten finalists!!! Please tell me you would support me!!! Only Singtel users can vote though, and voting has not started. Not to worry if you don't have a Singtel phone, just grab your friend's and vote nonetheless. Even better, you can vote multiple times this time round without worrying about money. If your friend asks you what u are doing with his/her phone, just reply that erm, you are practising to sms faster coz there's a competition coming up for extreme sms-ers.

Anyway, if you vote you stand a chance to win a cruise on Star Virgo! With me if I get in!! Yaaay!! Isn't life just so darn wonderful?!

I have another small request here. I would really like to know how many of you would actually support me? And if an sms costs $0.20, how many are you gonna send?! Please email me to tell me!! And at the same time, I will be posting my best past posts there as well, so can you guys tell me which post (if you have read the archives) is you favourite post which I wrote? Thanks so muchie!!

Many many kisses to all my blogders (yes you girls too, don't squirm away!)!!!!! I love ya all! (And thats coz I'm in a terrific mood)

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2004-02-11

So far out of 125 people who read my blog, 16 of them are amoebas and 5 of which are gay amoebas.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

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June sent me this via email... Its a picture of a foreign worker....

Just a thought.. Have you realised that there are no fat bangalas?? This goes to show that with hard work and no money to buy good food, there's a thin bangala inside everyone wanting to climb outta those fats.

Alright, now to the picture of the really cute foreign worker:





Ladies and Gentlemen....









I present to you....







Jian gui le!!!
WELCOME TO THE GUESS SHOW!!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! I almost laughed my placenta out.

If you don't know whats so funny, you should watch more taiwan variety shows, baby...

Oh yeah btw. IS MY NEW TEMPLATE FREAKING NICE, OR WHAT?? I luuuuve it!

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2004-02-05

When I was younger, someone posted this question to me.

She asked, "Wendy, what do you think is the most beautiful thing on Earth?"

At that point of time, I realised that I cannot give her my answer because there are so many different beautiful things, such as the sea, such as the rainbow, etc. I can't make up my mind.

I asked many people this question, and the most common answers are invariably the sea and the sky.

WHY! Blue stuff are ugly. I hate blue.

I asked my mum and she said its diamonds.

One guy gave me a sweet answer: "Women."

June said its herself.

I'm kidding.

But anyway, as I get older, I realised what my answer would be.

It is an orgasm.

An orgasm is so beautiful because of so many reasons. It is the most powerful (or maybe sensational) form of love, it is also mostly rare for women (Bloody selfish men!), and it is one thing that has almost no bad side effects! Most of the time it is free too.

Orgasms fill people with endorphins. Endorphins make people happy.

See, when you are happy, you make everybody around you happier too, except your enemies, but of course seeing your enemies seething that u are happy will makes you happy as well, so you get even happier and ur enemies get angrier and the nice cycle goes on.

When you are happy you laugh alot and suddenly everything seems more beautiful. The world is disease-free! Dolphins are playing, the grass is green on every side, and daffodils are blossoming everywhere! What a wonderful world!

When you are filled with endorphins, people of the opposite sex are attracted to you because of the scent you emit. This is scientifically proven. So when people of the opposite sex are attracted to you, you get praises. Praises make you more confident. When you are confident you can attract more people.

An orgasm also helps you lose some fats. Now thats cool too because you will look better, unless you don't have any fats to minus from, but I don't talk to skinny people so thats their business.

Orgasms are also a form of exercise. Exercise makes you radiant and healthy. Healthy and radiant people get more suiters. Orgasms also prevent cancer and acne. Yeah right. No it doesn't.

But then... you have a truckload of people to choose from, and you pick the best, in which hopefully you can get more (and more and more! and better! longer-lasting!) orgasms from.

The "best" chosen person continues to be attracted, and he also feels that u are terrific because there are so many other people attracted to you so he must be so lucky. He doesn't know its because of him that so many people like you of course.

Lets see on the other hand how things will be without orgasms.

People can smell desperate-ness from a mile away. When u portray yourself to be desperate, you don't get sex. No sex=no orgasms. Then you become more desperate. Then it can be smelt from 2 miles away. Desperation=no sex. Then you get frantic. = no sex. Then you finally die. Life is not worth living.

In conclusion, an orgasm in the most beautiful thing on earth.

You may disagree, but thats your business. You need more orgasms to prove me correct.

Speaking of changing other people's opinion, today I worked with this really smart girl at Tiger Beer called Qingwen. We were speaking of some conflict between me and Bobby (never you mind!) and she gave me this little piece of advice, which I found was really good. She said,

"Bobby is very egoistic. Whenever you disagree with him, its like telling him in the face "YOU ARE WRONG". And whether its wrong or not, is almost always a matter of opinions.

And opinions. There are 1001 opinions everywhere. You have yours and I have mine, and what you do stand to gain to make me change my opinion to become yours? Nothing right? So just leave him as he is, even if you know he is wrong."


I shall learn to do that.

So anyway, back to orgasms.

If only I could bottle and sell orgasms, I would make millions!! How much will an average person pay for a mind-blowing thigh-throbbing spasm-inducing Endorphin Rush? $50? Depends on how long it lasts?

Imagine this! In the future, at the bus stop no one smokes anymore. They all do Wendy's big Os. Wendy's Big Os has no evil side effects while smoking causes lung cancer. Smoking makes your teeth yellow. Wendy's make you look beautiful and attractive.

People mix Wendy's with some other chemicals and it becomes an Orgasm so strong its made illegal. Thats known as drugs. No one takes heroin anymore.

Most unfortunately no one will have sex anymore, but the world is facing doomsday soon isn't it? Or maybe I can sell the Big Os in Small Os form, so people still have sex for the real thing.

Now the problem is how do I manufacture orgasms?

Yawnz. I have got to do my project.

Laters, people.

Meanwhile, I would like to say that I am on a roll. I will tell u all when I'm all prepared. =D

Good day!

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2004-02-02

Oh no the spoof has been updated!! Please don't read it!! Eddy is EVIL!!! The spoof! Oh it ruins my life! Some people hate me!!!

BTW there are some pretty smart spammers writing on the tagboard, so anything that sounds ridiculous is not by me. I'm keeping the taggie there in case blogger fucks up on me again and thats the only way I can edit the site.

(Oh yeah to those dumbos who still don't get it, the SPOOF IS WRITTEN ENTIRELY BY ME. Yes, gasp all you want. I think its pretty well done. I laugh everytime I read it myself.)

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