2004-05-30

It's 4.06am, and I need a boyfriend. =(

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2004-05-29

I have a confession to make.

I met this guy at a party last Saturday.

He is smart, he is not-bad looking, and he is obsessed with me.

I kinda like him too.

The only problem is... He is 42 - and fucking rich (not that that is a problem). He has this yacht which costs $2.2 million, and his bungalow at Sixth Ave is four storeys high.

In his Jag, I told him it is impossible this relationship works out. He is as old as my father!

He pressed a wad of $100 bills into my hands, looked deep into my eyes, and said that he would do anything to be together with me. He wants me to be happy.

I relented. I am so ashamed of myself. We had sex. And it was good.

He said he would give me time to think. The next day, he presented me with a cyan box. THAT TRADEMARK CYAN BOX that every woman wants.

Look what he bought me! It is just so beautiful....











JUST KIDDING!

Did you, for a moment thought the bracelet was REAL??? Like, true blue Tiffany & Co??
Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Fooled you didn't I??!

I'm a cheapo la! I bought the bracelet at an, ahem, pasar malam store today at a freaking low price of $14.50. Well at least it was SUPPOSED to be $14.50. At such a horrendous price, I still managed to lower it to $12!!! Can you believe it??! So cheap.

Isn't it so nice?!

Hey if you see me on the streets, don't go tell your friend that my bracelet is fake ok? *winks*

Hiyah I know you will anyway. Go ahead. At least I am honest. For half a blog entry. =D

On a side note, has anyone noticed that the MSN photos are very funny?

Besides the ostrich, I think this one looks damn funny too!



Ha ha! Look at his yellow eyes (one big one small) and refined cheekbones! Where got skull blue colour one??! And if you squint a little, you will even notice that he has a... RIDICULOUS GREEN TONGUE!!! =D

Xiaxue, out. (speaking of Idol, I think Fantasia looks... really ugly. So does the other girl anyway, so I shall shut up.)

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2004-05-28

I have been getting a lot of emails like this:

Xiaxue xiaxue! Your hair is nice, how did you do it? Teach me how to make it all curly wurly!!

How do I do it indeed. Whenever I receive mails like this, I feel like asking the girls to go read the archives and quit bothering me (I mentioned how I curl them before) but I realised that MY FUCKING PHOTOS ARE ALL DELETED BY BLOODY IMAGESTATION so I have to explain myself all over.

Which is pissing because it is not text-explainable.

So I always ignore these emails.

Speaking of ignoring emails, that day I was about to click this mail away (being the big bad bitch I am) but the final sentence said something like this: "Xiaxue ____(insert praise) and Posh can go to hell!"

Now that's one SMART blogder reader. I replied immediately to that mail with renewed relish.

Here's one email I received:

hello. i emailed you once before regarding uh, hair curls. i finally figured out how to use a hair curler, but my hair ends up looking like dried grass, plus it doesn't hold. i was wondering if you could recommend a good brand of
hairspray? i don't know anyone that uses a hair curler, so i'm asking you since you seem to have curly hair on some days and straight on others. help!

uh, and don't copy and paste my email onto your blog can? im very scared. i just want to have curly hair thats all, i don't want to be embarrassed.

thank you=)


Ok.









MUA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HA HHA HA HA HHA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HA!!! This email is so fucking funny!!! Why on earth would I publish that email and try to embarrass a good-natured blog reader?? I am not THAT evil lor! (Yes I just contradicted myself, shut up)

I copied this out anonymously, so I don't think its mean right?

I'm still laughing. Ha ha. Scared of good old me.

In any case, I shall be mean no longer and share with you girls how I manage to get such beautiful curls!

You are so gonna LOOOVE me. It works wonders!

Pre-requisite: Your hair must not be too limp or smooth, or it wouldn't work.

Shock factor for you if you have not been reading my blog since it's humble beginnings: MY HAIR IS REBONDED.

Here goes:



1) Wash hair. Wait for it to thoroughly dry, then separate it into half as shown.

2) Twirl hair and twist it into a bun. Circling the ends around the bun, put a scrunchie over it.

Like this:


And yes, your scrunchies do not need to be of matching colours.

3) Sleep with the buns. It may feel a tad uncomfortable, but you will get used to it.

4) Apply olive oil on hair to make it shine!

*****

The end results

Let me prance around showing how nice my hair is!!

(Note: The photos are VERY photoshopped! Shuyin, after seeing the original photos, said that I qi pian quan shi jie (lied to the whole world) ha ha.)



I look like a slut.







Tadah!!!




Great hair - all yours, courtesy of Xiaxue.

Tell me if it works.


*****

"Xiaxue xiaxue, your PSLE is so high! How did you do it?"

I slept with my teacher. Kidding. Pure intelligence.

"Who cares about PSLE??!"

Can YOU get four A*??! Huh? Eh eh? Can you?

*****

"Oh fuck. Twice a day. He is coming over again. I have the worst job in the world!" lamented the toothbrush.

"Shut up," said the toilet paper.



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2004-05-27

I told you my photoshop is good, I didn't say how good.

Let's look at one of the most awful photos I ever took.

Photographer: EK Wong (The initals to sound cool)

Location: Ghim Hui's house

Camera: Kodak non-professional 2.0 megapixel

Lighting: Sunshine + flash

Make-up/hair: Wendy C.

Clothes: Models' own.

Erm, Models: Feng (it's Xiao Feng but an asian sounding model name sounds modelish), Wendy C. (it's Wendy Cheng but C. sounds like I am Eurasian - Wendy Charlize or something)


Here is how Feng and Wendy C looks like:



Very normal-looking girls.

Now, before you say,"OK WHAT..", let me tell you that Wendy C.'s face has already been photoshopped, although to a minimum. That is because she has an amazingly big nose and a big pimple under that amazingly big nose at the point of time the photo was taken.

In fact, she airbrushed half of that pimple away so you can still see a little bit of it.

The picture is made smaller so that you would not have nightmares too.

Feng looks fine though - she is naturally beautiful.










Now the target: Let's make the models look like they are, say, Oil of Olay Models. Is that possible?










Ah. I see your skeptical look.












Gimme some time, will ya?





























The stupid tag is in the middle coz I have this feeling some people might use the picture for friendster user pics or something. Do it! Crop us! XF (aka you!) will have no neck!




What do you think? Let's add some text.














Ha ha ha ha I am damn bo liao.

Click here to see the original picture.

I am damn good at photoshop. Got more blogs coming along tonight for you, check back again!

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Are you lucky cretins or what??! Double post today! Read till you shiok shiok sia!

Here are some photos. *smiles*

*****

Went to my school's post internship seminar.

Having strategically placed our internship at the end of our graduating term, our school hopes to see the students being employed after the attachment. (Quit asking, TODAY is not hiring. Either that or I smell a 'degree' problem.)

Anyways, it also means that the seminar will be the absolute last time I see my lecturers and schoolmates all in a lecture hall with me.

Three years of the same faces. I know by heart almost everyone's back view (I sit near the top row), and I feel a sharp pain knowing that I will never see that sight again.

My classmates. Without school as an inescapable reason, it is near impossible to get everyone to put in effort to meet up (huh don't want la, so far, etc) again.

I miss River Valley. Now I have to miss SP too. And very soon afterwards, I will miss TODAY. I hate it!! It's the big bad world after this!! Will you guys still be here with me through the journey?

I shall stop indulging in self-pity.

=(

My law lecturer.



Isn't she so cute!! I already say I dig lawyers, ha ha. In any case, I asked her who the copyrights of this particular picture belongs to, and she said the commissioner of the photo = me. Ha ha!! You can't stop me from putting it up, Miss Peter!!

If you REALLY want it off, email me.



This view is so familiar to me. For a good year, these two lovebirds have been sitting beside me. Now I will never see them in the bloody lecture hall again!! Oh boohoohoo~!

And don't you think that Shuyin's bracelet looks like the Reversi/Othello(can't spell) checkers??! HA HA HA HA HA!!

(Just in case you are asking, Idris' name IS purposedly placed on top of his messy hair. In my very artistic opinion, it looks like "Idris" is happily nesting. Which looks artistic.)



I love this photo!!! Although Shuyin's nostrils look a tad too big (I already tried to photoshop them smaller), I think we look extremely happy. Or at least I do. Shuyin looks astonished-happy.



Scrolling down, who is Diana Neo who said that quote, you ask? She is above - my fellow coursemate and intern at Today. I miss her and Miki already!

I saw a Mudd today who traumatized me.



Wah lau. I have that Gucci bag in black!! Why must he carry it!! Young punks have no business with classy bags!! It's NOT their correct image! Now that bag has absolutely no class and I am going to burn it.

BRB.

*****

back.

Girls, don't say I don't tell you good bargains.

Went to six at City Link Mall today, and I found super cheap necklaces!!



I know it can't be seen properly BUT it's this plain diamante choker, which is quite nice.

Make a guess.

THREE BUCKS. Go get it! There are some left.

And I don't know if you noticed. If you haven't, look at the photo again!! I discovered some new trick in Photoshop that can make you look like a face mask model. Mua ha ha ha ha!

*****

I bought an anklet as well ($12.50)!! MY goodness it's so nice I can't stop looking at my feet and I knocked into walls thrice today. My forehead is bleeding, but who cares, I have a nice anklet!



Awwwww.... Isn't it so pretty?? oh yes baby you are so pretty and glittery baby...

One more.



Oh will you just look at that sparkle!!!

The anklet is so nice, that I am worried. I am worried that no one ever looks at my face anymore! Or boobs for that matter!

They see me, and then they go like, "FUCK, THAT'S THE NICEST FUCKING ANKLET I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN!!!"

And then they get orgasms looking at my anklet, and then they all bug me... "WHERE DID YOU BUY THAT GORGEOUS BABY?!" they ask in great urgency. "I WANT IT TOO!"

"Oh no you don't," I would smirk. "I only tell my blog readers!"

At this point of time, they would have salivated so much, that the anklet is wet.

My gosh, do I have the nicest anklet on Earth or what? Who cares if my ankles are thick and fat? No one even looks at them.

My anklet rules. It rules so much, that I have decided to celebrate it's ONE DAY BIRTHDAY but decorate its home (which is my feet) with flowers.



Happy Birthday, my dear anklet!

(should you ever come to my place, may I gently remind you not to touch those purple flowers.)

*****

Been getting lots of interesting assignments recently. I love my Andrew Seow article!

Click here to view it.

That guy is so f-funny!! I think he should be a comedian, seriously.

Can you imagine, the first thing he come in, he say, "I take photo very ugly leh, how ah?"

"Eh eh," he nudged. "Can draw caricature instead or not."

If you don't find that funny, think of how Andrew Seow's big head caricature will look like. -_- Where got celebrity want to be drawn like Neil Humphreys (Today's own famous humour columnist)??!

Speaking of Neil (what, my colleague what, cannot call him Neil meh. Ah ah! It's Mr Humphreys to you!), he graced the side of my desk today, no doubt increasing the price of that particular desk three-fold.

When he walked pass (to the pantry), he honoured the dustbin at the side of my table by throwing something in it.

*SMASH!!!* went the garbage.

MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! HOW COME HIS GARBAGE IS SO BLOODY LOUD?!

I thought. I pondered. I wondered aloud. I was confused. I was lost. AND THEN I REALIZED!!!!

It is because he is damn tall that's why it traveled a long way to the bin and thus it is so bloody loud.

I am terribly pleased with my intelligence.

BACK TO ANDREW:

Damn cock lor. He keep gushing about Jacelyn Tay too. Doh!!!

I like him. I think he's better than Jack Neo any day.

"Imagine ah, all the apples on the trees right, and then Jacelyn is one of the apples there. She will be this Jacelyn-quality apple! If I ask you to choose one of the apples, then of course you will choose the Jacelyn-quality apple right?!" ~Andrew Seow

Seow is siao!! Ha ha ha.

*****

Watched Shrek 2. It is funny. Not really as funny as the first, but lots more details.

If you watched Shrek (1), do you remember this particular scene?

Shrek was having dinner by himself at his house. Donkey was locked outside, as it was the start of the show.

Shrek felt something was missing. He looked around, and then you can almost see the lightbulb form above his head.

He dug deep into his ear, and pulled out some gross stuff.

He set it into a candlestand, and lit it up. It burned merrily.

At this point of time, YOU COULD HEAR THE WHOLE CINEMA ECHO TOGETHER: "EAR WAX". Yours truly included. And with my description, you almost said Ear Wax too, didn't you?

Everyone thinks they are damn smart to catch it, but actually they are not damn smart because everyone already knows.

BUT, there is still this weird pleasure derived from thinking that you managed to catch a small detail.

Shrek 2 built on that pleasure a lot.

Lots and lots of spoofs, some tumbling over the other without letting you first take a breath. Princess Fiona donning on a hot fiery ring (top view), and then Shrek hanging upside down from above when Fiona kissed him (not with a wet tee, thank goodness) and it goes on and on.

It made me feel smart. It would make u too.

Antonio Banderas (is this how to spell his name?) did a fantastic job as well as pussy. His Spanish voice is just so darn sexy.

Watched Mean Girls as well.

Pretty good chick flick. The second lead actress is extremely beautiful - just as how we remembered her in The Hot Chick (one of my all-time favourites)

Want a full review? Get your copy of TODAY then. We Set You Thinking. ;)

And yes, anyone who wants to hire me or wants me to get hired by their company please email me? Pretty please?

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2004-05-26

I was on the bus, on my way home.

Feeling very drained. It's late and after a day's work. The night's gloomy and dank.

Boarding 176, the two-tiered kinda bus, I sourced for a seat, but seemingly with no avail.

'What the fuck is wrong with these people,' I spoke in a whisper to myself. 'Is there a new disease that hits the ass of whoever moves to the inside of the seat?!'

Indeed, everyone was happily sitting on the aisle seat. Did anyone care that a stupid tired intern doesn't want to go pass their knees to get a decent seat? No, of course not.

I walked on. After all, it's a long journey till the end of the bus, and there must be hope�

AHA! A SEAT! Can you believe it?! This scrawny uncle was sitting on the� inside!!! I moved in thankfully.

Not wanting to disturb his serene demeanour (he had this I-am-going-to-achieve-nirvana-do-not-speak-one-word look), I sat with my knees facing out.

Just as I was about to sink into the comfort of my 80c ride, I heard a snigger.

And more sniggers. From the seat behind. High pitched ones.

WHO COULD IT BE SNIGGERING SO EVILLY!! Could it be� Dr Evil?

I wanted to turn around and poke the person which my Loreal mascara wand, but because of society's norms and freedom (no mental institute for me), I decided to let it go. Let it go, let it go.

And she sniggered again.

I listened hard. Oh oh!! She started to speak.

"Mommy mommy�" the sniggerer said in an amazingly auntie voice for someone who says 'mommy mommy'. "Look at her!" she said in Mandarin.

I imagine, if I had a face behind my head, her fat fingers must be pointing directly in between my eyes.

BITCH. What about me, speak!

And she did.

"She sitting with daddy," she chirped very matter-of-factly, as if her mother must be blind, her dad is has never sat with anyone else on the bus, and I chose, of all the NUMEROUS empty seats, to sit with her nirvana dad. Oh yeah little girl, I don't think I had a bloody choice! That was the only seat!

Dad did not stir.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a sinister finger advancing towards me!!!!!!

POKE!




Everyone on the bus gasped!! She reached for her father's shoulder, and in one poke of hers, broke the enlightenment he was trying to achieve.

"Yes?" the dad said gently, apparently in mock patience. I believe, he is deeply regretting having sex that fruitful 6 years or so ago. "WHY!!! WHY DID I EJACULATE!" he must be thinking.

For that shrieky voice is more than anyone can bear.

She poked him again. And again.

"She choose to sit with you leh Daddy!" she exclaimed, not unlike a 70s matchmaker woman.

"Hmmm..." said the ever-patient father.

She didn't let it go at that. She repeated herself around 2,383 times. I blushed. My hand reached into my bag for that mascara wand... No!! I told myself. She is but a young girl! I must, forgive!

The birth-giver spoke.

"Yeah lor, pretty girl sitting with daddy leh! This one is a mei nu you know?" (mei nu=beauty)

Ahhh, I smiled. This is better! ALTHOUGH! I didn't CHOOSE to sit beside scrawny uncle. There were no more seats!

Just as I was grinning in self-delight, the mother asked the little girl : "She pretty or not?"

I listened.

I listened hard.

No response. I can imagine her shaking her stupid head like it's really cute and everyone loves her.

SCREW YOU LA! I am a mei nu ok!! Maybe, just maybe, she didn't find the back of my head very captivating. If so, I forgive her young ignorance.

Like mother, like daughter. The mother is not as nice as I assumed!

"Pretty what," she said loudly enough for the bus to hear (and also confirming that the girl said I am not pretty). "I ask you ah girl, mummy pretty or she pretty?"


I vomited blood. Nirvana Uncle hid his face under this armpit.
"YOU PRETTIER!" came the swift reply.


(Author�s note: This part onwards is fiction)

I could STAND IT NO LONGER! I stood up, turned around, and got even more furious! For the mum is fugly!

I took out my light sabre!!!!



Swish swosh!!!!! I waved it around in a maniacal manner. SHE MADE ME ANGRY!!!

In one swift movement, I chopped down her silly head. Blood stained the Hello Kitty T-shirt she was wearing! YOU THINK YOU ARE CUTE? NOW YOU ARE BLOODY DEAD CUTE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The mum looked on in horror, while her husband, head still under armpit, was oblivious that my light sabre �

Let me reillustrate it�s powers


- got rid of a house pest for him! What is he doing hiding there? He should be thanking the lords that I chose to (wait, I didn't CHOOSE to) sit beside him on the fucking bus!

I laughed deeply as the bus of people all looked at my pink light sabre as if it must be the ultimate destructive weapon! They are right! It is capable of slaying a thousand dragons!

TV Mobile played Gotcha! for the millionth time, the wiping bird shit episode. I got so pissed with Rui En's face, I used the gentlest of pokes on the TV and it burst into magnificent flames.

THAT WILL TEACH TV MOBILE TO KEEP PLAYING GOTCHA!, the suckiest show on earth!

Back to the mother. She got so pissed scared, she just stood there trembling. THUS IS THE POWER OF THE PINK LIGHT SABRE!!!

I waved it around a bit and skillfully shaved her eyebrows off.

"Oh please!" she said, kneeling down. "Don�t kill me, mei nu!!"

"OH NOW YOU KNOW WHO's THE MEI NU huh??!" I shouted at her so thunderously, her hair blew backwards.

I told the bus driver to stop, and I used my sabre to crash open the fucking doors.

I threw the severed body out of the bus. For fun, I severed it even more first. She squirmed.
"That will teach you," I said vehemently. "To never allow your children to lie again."


I walked out of the bus like a real hero and took a second, less bloody 176 home.

Read The Full Article
2004-05-25

Quote Of The Day Week Year Infinite period of time:


Slam all you want. You will still be here tomorrow, reading my blog like it's the fucking bible.


~Diana Neo

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2004-05-24

Pradhana Vizha and others

Hello everybody!

Oh this is shitty, I got absolutely nothing interesting to blog about! This is a very dangerous situation, because the last time this happened I decided to blog about how much I hate Michelle Saram, thus resulting in me having to do nauseating research on her.

How very unsettling on the stomach.

Meanwhile, just some normal mundune updates. Bear with the boring stuff first. If someone makes me angry (actually someone has, but she reads this blog and I am not one to shit where I eat), I would have more interesting posts. I think. Or maybe if I meet some new guy...

****

I covered Pradhana Vizha 2004 (Indian Star Awards). That alone is the toughest article I have ever encountered!

Sitting there like a dingbat for 2 and a half hours, I never wished I understood Tamil more in my life. More than I wanted to know how to speak Japanese so that I can sound like a porn star. More than I wanna know French so I can sound rich. I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE INDIANS ARE YAKKING ABOUT!

Something very cute I realised. Indians speak very fast because it seems to take a lot of syllabus to say a single word!

EG:

Some actor: Hahdsiuasyhdansdai dsaduasdsa daysdiuhasdihsadyasdiuyas ahsdiuasduhaiuhdsa, aywqeihdkacnaoduf9, asdhsade rieaduad, ahdausdsakncoeiure, a8ydasdjhndyafeflanc, asjdoijasdsakd;ld9saduadnc., adshiuhsadaksnd. Ushduhawdascc.

Me, to Indian colleague Rina: What did he just say?

Rina: He said he is very happy.

Mua ha ha ha ha ha! Either my observation is correct, or my colleague is patronising me.


Very coincidentally, I attended Pradhana Vizha 2003 as well.

AS A RITZ CARLTON WAITRESS.

This year, I get to sit down comfortably to watch the show - with a totally different status.

Alright this brings me to another topic.

Am I all high and mighty now that I'm working?

In the past, I hated teens who refuse to work as waiters/waitress just because they think they are better than that.

I'm not like that. Part-time job only what.

That day, Potty Py was telling me that Larry, an ex of mine, was scared he would see me at Ritz Carlton during his prom (we have some grievances).

My immediate response?

"Siao ah he. Ask him to flip open a copy of TODAY and wake up his idea. I don't have time to work at Ritz Carlton lor!"

OMG WHAT AN ARROGANT BITCH I AM!!! *slaps self* I shall learn to eat some humble pie. I am only an intern, not a real journalist!!!!

However, I really don't think I would work for Tiger or Ritz anymore. It can't be blamed right? What if I see my boss/newsmaker/colleagues there? It would be... a bit paiseh.

Oh yeah I got something else to bitch about.

*****

FUCK ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID "SHE IS JUST AN INTERN"!!!

Yes, I am just an intern.

Haven't YOU been an intern before? What makes you think this intern would not be your boss in future?

WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!

It was an intern who fucked the president of the United States!


Actually that is nothing to be proud of, but thats not the point! The point is, WAIT TILL YOU TASTE THE POWER OF THE INTERN!!! I am a super-intern! Yaaay!!

My subeditor (photo deleted because he says he looks like a greaseball in it) says that he hereby promotes me as Executive Associate Senior Chief Intern.

*gives a ya-ya look*



My 'desk'. Ain't it so lovely?

*****

Back to Pradhana! My god what a big digression.

Shianux said that I would never understand how it feels like to be part of a minority race, because in Singapore the Chinese have the biggest population.





I understand now.

*****

Kumar and me!!!



He looked extremely tall beside me so I tried to pull myself up, thus smudging the background in the process.

*****

Some pictures of myself...





I think that the second photo looks weird. But in any case, isn't my photoshop skills damn good!!? I think it may not be that good a thing. The more my skills improve, the less the pictures looks like me. =P

*****



Went out with Ghimz, EK, PY and XF. Very happy. I miss them so much.

*****

On a last note:



Isn't this the most hideous thing you have ever seen?!

MY EYES!!! URGGGH!

I don't understand why anyone would make their mercs a pistachio green colour. Don't they get it? *snaps fingers twice* Hello? Green not good with mercs! Mercs, don't go with GREEN!! Which part of that is difficult to understand?!

Read The Full Article
2004-05-23

I saw a shooting star last night! =D Happy!!

Going to Pradhana Vizha (Indian Star Awards) now. I feel pretty traumatized.

1) I don't know the language and although I'm going with an Indian colleague I feel uncertain that I can churn out a satisfactory article. *determined look* I'm sure I can do it if I try.

2) I'm pretty sure a certain virginal Indian with rebonded hair and an ugly tattoo will be there, considering the size of the Indian entertainment community in Singapore.

Thankfully, it's this year's Miss Vasantham Shobana (and not the third runner up mua ha ha ha ha) who will be hosting. Can you imagine if she is hosting, she will say something like this?

"OMG! is the hole in the ozone jaz above my head??!!!
wtf! its so friggin hot, till i almost melted!
im sweatin like a pig, hmmm actually do pigs sweat? dunno neva lived wif them.. hohoho
anywayz yeah like j lo has a sweat perfume i wonder how my bottled liquid from my pores will sell?! *yucks* gross... *gags*


Gross indeed. That coming from the winner of MyDreamD8. Such atrocious writing, the hairs on my arms all stood up and ran away. A good thing too, considering that I don't need to epilate for a long time.

Read The Full Article
2004-05-22

My RSI interviews some time ago:

Wanna hear them? I was on MediaCorp Radio Capital 95.8FM!

Here:

http://www.rsi.com.sg/chinese/youth/view/20040316173600/1/gb/.html


http://www.rsi.com.sg/chinese/youth/view/20040323135400/1/gb/.html


It's broadcast on two different days thus the two links. It's in Chinese though. If your browser can't view Chinese, simply click on the headphones icon. =D

The interview is conducted in chinese as well. I told you I am effectively bilingual.

BTW: Someone told me he is surprised my voice is not the sweet high-pitched kind. What?! Do I look like a shu nu to you?!

Read The Full Article
2004-05-20

I�ve been having nightmares recently.

My fellow intern-colleagues, Diana, Miki and Elise, whose company I really enjoy, would be leaving MediaCorp Press tomorrow officially.

I asked my editor, and he said I could stay on for one more month.

As much as I am very grateful about this, I am feeling a little paranoid about lunch partners (thus the nightmares about me pitifully eating alone in a dank corner).

I�ll be pretty much alone in the company after this. There�ll be no Diana for me to bitch to, and no Miki for me to visit the pantry with. =(

After this, I would be facing the company with the full-time staff and my goodness � other interns from other schools. They would be together, and I don�t think it�s nice if I impose myself on them. As for my colleagues� Nobody ever asks me to lunch, so I shouldn�t be thick-skinned!

It�s not that bad. Benjamin, who works nearby, is a possible lunch partner. Except that he is sometimes not free, and maybe does not want to be saturated in my company.

Eileen�s somewhere near lau pa sat area. If I�m really that desperate, I can always join her and her colleagues I guess.

*depressed *

Speaking of Ben, he is staying on for two more months, and guess what?! HE GETS TO ** HIS PAY! My goodness. I don�t think he would like me to reveal how much, but it�s definitely lucrative. On the other hand, I think I�ll be getting the same old $480. Today is not so generous. Not when they have no lack of interns anyway. Haiz.

Alright. The reasons why I am choosing to stay:

- To build up my portfolio a little more
- Because I really enjoy working here
- Till I find another job anyway. On this topic, some of my coursemates have been asked to stay by their companies! How freaking lucky! =(

Enough about stupid work stuff.

*****

Lookie what I found!



I realized that I have a back up copy of my photos!

If you are a new blogder trying to view the archive and realized with horror that all my photos look the same (i.e. the fucking imagestation pics), you will be disappointed.

Trusting imagestation.com (a total mistake), I did not save a back-up copy of my blog photos in my com. Thus, the pictures that I found are merely those with people in them (and scrolling down - that�s the Eddy that I worshipped during April � June or something [archives]). BLEAH!

When I am free-er, I will go upload them.

Yaaay!

*****
Speaking of photos

Blogger rules!

Nothing is more of a godsend than BLOGGER. I don�t understand why people do xanga, livejournal, or diaryland.

Not only is the blogger address nicer, look what blogger has evolved into!!! MY GOODNESS!

We have comments. Ok so do the livejournals and xangas.

Anyway, I don�t think the blogger comments link is good, think I�ll stick to haloscan if I ever wanna get my comments links back.

We have gmail (some of us anyway).

Now who can fight that?! A FUCKING GIG OF SPACE FOR EMAILS!!! That�s more than 100 times your yahoo account! And we are the absolute first, which means that we get to choose remarkably cool names!

I managed to get xiaxue@gmail.com, AND wendycheng@gmail.com (because wendy@gmail.com is too short).

How amazing is that!

When Gmail is official, every single and attached one of you will fight to get good names, and all the Wendy Chengs in the world would be so envious of me! Too bad babes, you just gotta stick to wendy1_cheng_2004@gmail.com or something instead, mua ha ha ha ha!

Just as an interesting point, Shianux went to get bigdick@gmail.com, because he said nobody would snatch shianux from him. * shrugs *

We have a cool logo

Blogger, after being bought over by Google,

Oooooh let me digress. My favourite billionares:



Back to the topic of Blogger, which is newly owned by Google.

We have a new slogan. It is called �I Power Blogger�

Now, is that cool or cool? Blogger says I power them! Wow! I feel important!

You may argue that Xanga can beat that (what�s xanga�s slogan? Is it even owned by billionaires?), but Xanga sure can�t beat this:

BLOGGER PROVIDES UNLIMITED FREE PICTURE HOSTING

This new feature is fantastic. It�s idiot-proof to use, and it�s biggest file size is 1024 X 768. Compared to the giam imagestation.com and camblog.com, blogger is fucking magnanimous.

The new feature is supported by this program called Hello, in which bloggers can all chat with each other ala MSN messenger! (But I�m not interested to chat with all of you, so just go #xiaxue in irc la)

What can I say? Delete xanga from your links, and move. It�s just like people choosing to use Motorola just coz too many people use Nokia, although they know that Motorola is possibly not that good (trying to act special right?!).

Blogger didn�t use to be that good, but now it is.

No Blogger, no Xiaxue. I know how to yin shui si yuan. I love you, Blogger.

*****

Let me share a few photos with you guys.

Because I wrote the article for the Ten Tenors, I got a pair of tickets to watch their show!

IT WAS DAMN GOOD.

Now, the last concert I went to was F4�s.

Yes yes. I know you are puking there. F4�s concert wasn�t all that bad you know. The audience was so wild that it�s difficult not to get infected.

But Ten Tenors was goooooood. Because I only interviewed the, erm, * takes a deep breath * ugliest member David (I am not mean I am not mean), I thought the tenors were all not so good-looking but talented.

But I was wrong! Eileen and I had fourth row seats (that�s a hundred bucks for you. Sorry, make it 200 bucks since got two free tics), we saw that they actually look pretty cute!

And man is their singing good. Looks, PLUS talent. Who gives a shit about Jerry Yan now?



That�s Eileen and I at the esplanade concert hall. It�s so big! It�s my first time in there.



Yes, I understand that the photo is very dark. That�s the best photoshop can do. Cameras are not allowed, so I can�t on the flash.



That�s me with my fav tenor, Craig Hendry. He�s really tall and had to bend down quite a bit, the poor dear. Most unfortunately, I forgot to on my flash after the concert, and after I took the photo with him there were many ladies trying to hit on him so I didn�t have another chance.



And then here�s Eileen with her fav tenor (Isn�t it so fun to choose one out of ten men??). Although he doesn�t look that good-looking, Eileen thinks he has style.

*****

Before going to Centro on Wednesday night, Eileen and I (been meeting her a lot recently because she works very near me) had time to kill.

We went to Fullerton hotel, because I had a craving for Cr�me Brulee�





It was so freaking nice. =D

*****

I think that when I get angry, I�m a very scary person. I am capable of deep cruelty. If you hurt me, I will, stopping at no expense, make sure you suffer the same trauma � or more.

After I get rid of my anger, I will be thoroughly regretful and go all-nice again. In other words, I have very fluctuating mood swings.

I must get rid of my vindictive and spiteful nature!!!

When people did me wrong, I SHALL CONSIDER THE GOOD THEY DID FOR ME AND FORGIVE THEM

I.e.: Mum makes me very angry. I feel like scolding mum. Think: Mum had to use her mouth to suck out my mucus for me when I had flu when I was a baby. Yuck gross. So Wendy shall forgive mum.

I shall, I shall, I shall.

Now, propaganda is a very dangerous tool.

It takes A LOT OF SELF-CONTROL not to abuse it, believe me. Whenever I am angry with a person, I just feel like humiliating him/her on my blog.

THAT IS NOT RIGHT! Media power is not meant to be abused this way. I�m an ethical journalist. I am an ethical journalist.

I believe, if I try hard enough, I can surely do it. I can curb my anger.

I couldn�t play Nokia�s snake at first, and now I can complete the game. I did badly for my photoshop module, and now my lecturer can kiss my ass. I couldn�t whistle, I couldn�t cycle, I couldn�t write well etc etc.

If I try hard enough, I can do ANYTHING. Except a few things, eg growing taller.

She does not deserve me hurting her. She is merely insecure. I am magnanimous. I shall be nice, even if she isn�t. I don�t think she is more beautiful or intelligent. It�s only herself who thinks so. Why bother?

Meanwhile, I shall improve my tenses. Do I really get them wrong all the time? How come microsoft word doesn�t tell me?!

Read The Full Article


This is a test! OMG YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT BLOGGER HAS GIVEN US FREE UNLIMITED PHOTO HOSTING I TOLD YOU BLOGGER IS THE BEST THE PEOPLE WHO ASKED ME TO USE LIVEJOURNAL AND XANGA ARE ALL DELUDED.

It's mad. Its so easy to use. It's mad, mad, mad. I am almost delirious with happiness

Read The Full Article

I promise a blog entry tomorrow. With loads of pictures. Really need sleep now.

Anyway, do you think people like Gisele Bundchen gets piles?

I can't resist. I wanna blogggggg....... get my fingers away from the keyboard... oh no no no they are typing like crazy now. I can't stop them!!!!~!~!! Stop, fingers! I need to rest. Oh shit they can't stop now!!!! type type type type tkasdjnads nfa hdancsadnhdlxa sajhdds

*slaps self*

Are you a virgin? Are you depressed and ugly? Do you feel like life's not worth living anymore? Do you wanna make it worse, although it possibly CANNOT go any worse since you can't get laid?

Here's someone who would mock you. He will poke fun at you, although its not your fault you are a virgin! Of COURSE its not your fault. What's so good about having sex ANYWAY.

The Durex Global Sex Survey 2004(Singaporeans read it as Dulex Global Sax Sulvey)is back!!! Go take part in it! When they ask, "How many times do you have sex per week?" please answer >20, so that Singapore would not be ranked as the least sexy country AGAIN.


Here's proof durex mocks virgins.













And then one more redundant question for virgins.
















p/s: Some of the words there are fabricated by me.


Read The Full Article
2004-05-18

It's a tad too late to blog. Shall give you something else to read/

Two nice sites for you to go to:

Mark Ryden.

Recommended by Diana (my fellow intern), this is some artist who paints damn good. Check out the "blood" catergory by clicking on "Paintings", then "blood".

It's so morbid that I felt like life's totally not worth living after looking at all his works. It really has that effect. Morbid, morbid. So pretty, but so morbid. How does he do it?

Smokers are all stupid.

I'm sorry my smoking friends, but I agree with him. Sometimes, on a hot day, I feel like throwing all the smokers into Antartica so that they would not so inconsiderately make Singapore even hotter and dustier.

Urgh. Why smoke? Don't email me, I'm sure it's bullshit. I'm not interested to listen, coz you are just succumbing to social pressure. Did you not live well before you started smoking? Then why start? And burn your health, money, and white teeth away?

I hope Singapore would ban smoking soon.

May I add, Louis is a cutie. =D But he's attached, so that makes him an average-looking-non-smoking-attached guy. I hope he's not attached to a shu nu. Yuck.

To the smokers who are planning to send me hatemail: Don't, because I am not planning to impose my opinions on you. You don't need to agree with me. I repeat: You don't need to agree with me. I'm fine with smokers (even as boyfriends) - I just wish they would stop puffing coz it stinks.

p/s: How's Fei Yu-Ching you ask? I'm sorry, you would just have to get your copy of TODAY to know! We Set You Thinking anyway. =D

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2004-05-17

You won't believe it.

I'm going to the press conference of one of the top 15 shaggable men in my top 15 shaggable men list.





















It's not Beckham.



























It's not Legolas.
It's not Peter Pan.





















It's Fei Yu-Ching.




I can't contain my pheromones, they are going wild. (Yes I know a scent can't really go wild but who cares?)

Can't wait. BLEAH. (BTW, I do not REALLY think he is shaggable. It's a joke, get it?)

Read The Full Article
2004-05-16

Yes people, don't worry. I am fine, I am fine. *grouchs* PMS la.

On a side note, I hate it when people post up those stupid trashy forwarded mails on their blogs, ie of Words of an abortioned baby (Utter fucking trash) or When God created woman he breathed life in her... (STFU)

I feel extremely disgusted with those long usually mushy passages and I take a fine load of pleasure sniggering to myself while I click DELETE (yaaay!) before I even finish reading it (to the part where they say you must forward it or ur love life will suck FOREVER).

Now that those words are on the blogs, I CAN'T DELETE IT! I can click away the page, but it doesn't feel as good!!! Urrrgh.

*****

On another side note, I was talking to Eileen.

Me: Hey, the only words which has B and J in them are blowjob and brinjal, right? Got others not?

Eileen: Benjamin!

Me: Oh yeah ah!!!

Eileen: Bo jio! Ha ha ha (Continues to churn out more irrelevant Hokkien words while laughing hysterically)

Me: Shut up.

*****

On the last side note: Stop asking me what shu nu means. Go check out xiaxue-dictionary.blogspot.com. I have not done it up properly yet and there are many words missing, but it will do for the moment. AND NO! "Shu nus" (plural of shu nu) does not have anything to do with a certain local university.

*****

Note to self: Use the word "dingbat" to describe stupid people in future.

Read The Full Article
2004-05-15

I was supposed to go to a massage cum spa thing with Eileen today. It's ridiculously cheap coz it's on some offer - $30 for a 30 minutes massage and 20 mins spa (and you can use their sauna and bathrooms as well, complete with fluffy white towels).

Not bad huh? Too bad it's fully-booked. Knn.

So, I stayed at home the whole day. Which is not really so bad since I slept till 4pm. Yikes.

I re-watched Shrek (in preparation for Shrek 2) and re-watched My Best Friend's Wedding.

I realised that My Best Friend's Wedding has possibly the BEST script in the entire world (Troy's not bad as well, may I add. Priam's speech had me in tears). The movie has so many fabulous quotes that I don't know where to start from.

For those who have watched the movie, there's one memorable one where Julia Roberts (Julianne) was talking to Dermot Mulroney (Michael) on a boat and he said that if you love someone, you say it.

Or, the moment just... passes you by.

And so coincidentally we see Julianne with a pained expression as she so wants to say she loves Michael but the moment passes her by, symbolised by a shadow over them as the boat goes under a bridge.

And then there's the other one I like to tell myself all the time, whenever I am in deep shit:

"This too, shall pass."

Correct! How many times have you thought you are in some fucking shit and in the end it just blows over anyway?

Watching it the second time struck me with one new revelation.

Cameron Diaz (the love rival): "You are not up for anything conventional, or anything that's assumed to be a female priority. Including marriage, romance, or even..."

Julia Roberts: "Love?"

Cameron Diaz:

*nod* "I thought I was like you, and PROUD to be.

Until I met rumpled, smelly, old Michael.

Then I found out I was just a sentimential schmuck like those flighty nitwits I've always pitied."


*****

Alright.

I can totally understand what she's talking about.

Yes, I know I'm this foul-mouthed, loud obnoxious bitch - on this website.

But, I'm not like that all the time (some of the time is bad enough actually)! I know I sound contradicting because I often mention that I'm the true me here. But but... being in a relationship would mellow me down I guess.

No no, not like change me totally. But I do have my feminine side as well? I know, I know. It's quite yikes to see me perhaps write something like this:
yay dar agreed to bring me to Sentosa after my attachment! i wanna explore the island all over again! and i wanna go to the zoo and see the polar bears and penguins! i can't wait! whee~!

i have an inner child of a 6-year-old.

Quoted from Xiangru's blog with no offence whatsoever ok? =)

But, but. I'm not so bad, really! I erm, I can be all sweet and nice too! Stop thinking that I'll speak like "FUCK THE FUCKERS" whenever I open my mouth coz I don't! I'd remember anniversaries too! I can bake cookies as well! I do give back massages! What's wrong, why do I always portray the image that I am only capable of slaying people?

I just want a boyfriend whom I can cuddle while watching TV. too. just like all the other girls. =(

Haiz. I'm suddenly feeling pretty upset. I think I'll never be able to get a man who loves me and vice versa. Because everyone thinks I'm a bitch. Because everyone thinks I'd never be marriage, or even girlfriend, material.

Why do so many guys tell me things like: "If I'm with you I'm scared you write on ur website that I have a puny dick".

I AM NOT SO LOW-BLOW OK??! I'm not like that! I would not write such stuff! URGGH!

I shall do a character revamp.

Because you know what? Gentle, sweet, irritatingly perfect "creme brulee" Cameron Diaz got the man instead of arrogent, confident "jell-o" Julia Roberts. And no matter what Roberts says about how her character is unique, distinct and true, she can jolly well fuck herself because the guy making love to Diaz (thats right, its the flighty nitwits), not her.

If I remain like this, I would be like Roberts: Attending my love's wedding - as the best friend.

*****

From now on I shall stop acting like a bitch. I shall smile more, talk less and stop being so ****ing confident. "WHATS WITH THE ASTERISKS!" you exclaim. That's right, I shall stop using vulgarities as well.

Janice shall be my role model. I mean seriously. If I were a guy, I'd choose her over me! It's a simple logic, ok?

BTW: I have realised that guys like girls who are nursing their wounds from an old relationship with a horrible ex-bf, so I shall act like that as well.

*****

Dear Diary,

I just wish that Shaun would come back. I wake up thinking of him, and I sleep dreaming of him. Every single minute pains me, as I feel his existence in my room, my soul, my every orifice. I wish he would just impale me again. To think that he is kissing another is just so hurting.

It has been 3 weeks and 14 days now. That would make it 5 weeks. (Author's note: Shit, I can't even write this without mocking it. *slaps self* NO SAYING SHIT.)

I need someone to hug and love. I so wish to be in his embrace again, even if it's for one minute.

Could I ever accept anyone else? I don't think so. Shaun is the love of my life. I shall delibrately not pick myself up from this sweet sorrow till he comes back, although I know I'm being stupid by torturing myself and thinking he would change. I mean, some necrophiles might stop being necrophiles, otherwise, the saying would be "A necrophile would never change its spots", no?

Everything besides leopards will change its spots.

*****

WHY DOES EVERY FUCKER IN THE WORLD LIKE SHU NUS, WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!!!!!!!!




I

AM

SO

TRAUMATIZED!!!!!!!!!!

Nobody loves me!!!!!! =(

*****

Leave me alone while I wallow in self-pity. Stop telling me that some guy would like me some day, I'll just have to wait. YOU BIG FAT LIAR YOU ARE EITHER A SHU NU IN LOVE OR A SHU NU LOVER LOVING A SHU NU SO STFU COZ YOU ARE SO IN LOVE OF COURSE YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHETHER I AM LOVED OR NOT! May I add that I'm gonna be jobless soon too.

I don't need pity! I just need a job. Get me a job.

And then I will hire a toyboy who will be commanded to say "I love you because you are not like the rest of the flighty nitwits" every morning when I wake up, and shower me with kisses and hugs while I ruffle his hair and tell him that I love him too.

Signing off,
Xiaxue (who can be all sweet and gentle too, if you rub me the right way)

Updated (2 mins after posting this up):

Just as I was getting very emotional about this post (because I spoke to a certain someone on MSN), look what awaited me on irc?

[WaveS] hey
[WaveS] jackson here
[WaveS] i need a favour of u
[Xiaxue] what
[WaveS] aiyah
[WaveS] help me post something on ur blog
[WaveS] for my girlfriend can
[WaveS] she reads it
[WaveS] juz wnna do something sweet for her.
[WaveS] i lost all ur numbers le. then cannt find u.
[WaveS] i'll buy u a pair of jeans lah can
[Xiaxue] FUCK YOU
[Xiaxue] no
[Xiaxue] do I look like a fucking matchmaker to you?
[WaveS] u look like a nice bullettin
[WaveS] she loves ur blog though i seldom read it.
[WaveS] itz juz meant as a surprise for her
[WaveS] would u help pls?
[Xiaxue] no. FUCK OFF


That made me burst into tears. Why does nobody do such nice stuff for me? WHY IS IT ALWAYS FOR THE OTHER GIRLS? And on my fucking website now? FUCK OFF. Idiot. Not that i would ever like this WaveS person of course, but that's not the point. URGH.

Yeah yeah blame me for being rude when I am feeling so pissed, will you? Send me hate mail, and make me feel worse. Maybe I would just go commit suicide and stop bothering you because this website must have made your life much worse.

Read The Full Article
2004-05-14

I was bored. I updated mydreamd8.

In any case, if you are too lazy to click there, here's what I wrote.

AND did you ever think I was totally bullshitting when I said that my photoshop is FUCKING GOOD? I mean it. I'm a total goddess. Still sceptical? Don't be. Scroll down.

*****

Out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to help Singtel save some face by enhancing the photos of our dear deserving winners.

For christ's sake, Posh. Stop using your bloody webcam to take photos when you have a $1,000 camera.

There you go, Posh and Ed.



And then, tadah!



Reduced a bit of yellow, and made the crown look a little less cheapskate. Some blogder told me that Singtel put the crown on them. I ALMOST LAUGHED MY LIVER ROTTEN. How can Singtel do such shoddy work! Why, M1 not enough market share ah??!

Anyways, I tried to reduce the downturned faggoty smile, but failed. Did some botox as well. I couldn't resist.

NOW FOR POSH



You will not believe it. My photoshop skills are like DARN GOOD. I can't believe I made her so chio in 5 minutes.



Alrighty here's what I did. Jack up the brightness, reduced yellow.

Made the eyes a little less scary, and added a bit of pink to the cheeks. Reduced the dark-brownish lip colour with more red tones.

I tried to remove the, erm, moustache like patch but only semi-succeeded.

Made the nose smaller and jawline smaller as well.

I can't believe it. Am I good or what? I think they should use my photos man!

Anything to say about this? Or you got a photoshop job for me? Email me: xiaxue@gmail.com.

*****

I thought about it. I should write freelance and go into photo enhancing. Heard from Ben enhancing a advertisement photo would cost around $800. That's a bloody lot of money!

ANYWAYS. If you have a photo you want me to enhance it, plus take away all your flaws, pay me $30 (those big big makeover photos la, not like Posh's) and I will do it for you. Ha ha ha. Small pics $10. Come, lelong lelong...!

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