2005-05-18

Wherefore art thou cute?



Hui Fen told me the other day about her ex and how they got to know each other.

Apparently, he put a cigarette packet on each shoulder, marched up to her, and said, "I heard you like broad shoulders!"

That is just spectacularly cute!! I think it can make almost every girl laugh, and the pick-up line is almost guaranteed to work if the guy is not ugly. (Men thinking of using this, I'd just like to warn you that a lot of girls read my blog and if you copy, you are a loser.)

This got me thinking ... There are some things, that when a guy does, are almost guaranteed to make a girl go, "So cute!" Or "So sweet!" whatever, and drop down on their knees, immediately becoming slaves to the men.

I have one more example from Hui Fen, where her guy friend says "What's up, (a kind of food)" in a groggy (read: sexy) voice to her whenever she gives him a morning call, but she says this is private and would like to keep it that way.

So yes, very cute.

Like when Adrian gives his lost puppy look, which is in the previous post's pictures, little doves drop down from the sky, dolphins leap in joy, the blind see again, and girls coming from as far as North Dakota run here, telling him that they would cut their clits off for him, if that makes him happy.

He knows, and he utilises this power well. To extort massages, for example.

I ALSO WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are the things can girls can do to act cute? I MUST MASTER THE SKILLS! Then I can manipulate men like putty! Wahahhaa! SCRUB MY BACK! LICK MY TOES, NO, BETWEEN THEM! Muahahahha!!

I KNOW!

Step one: Acquire doe-eyed look.



For some reason, all the "cute" girls have eyebrows that are shaped like the Chinese eight. That is, if they joined together they will form an 'up' arrow. The furrowed, oh-I-am-mellow, look is DAMN GOOD OK!

It makes the girl look very sad, so when she laughs, it will be double cute!

AN ACT!

From now on, I shall pluck my ample unibrow to have that perpetually surprised expression.



WAH! Fucking ugly! But hor, achieve the effect right? Coz got that damn sad look. I downturned my lips and eyes and brows and also added industrial sized eyebags. Weak girls must ALWAYS have eyebags because they cannot sleep well; they all have insommia thinking of the monsters under the bed and molesters under the block. Therefore, men should ALWAYS send them home and cook them nice food.

Fucking crafty girls. Sick of men not sending me home. *mumble mumble*

2) Sa(3) jiao(1) (I have no fucking idea how to say sa jiao in English. I think its something only the scheming Chinese do.)

The "cute" girls always teh teh a bit, then can get exactly what they want. When I do that, guys say I disgusting. WHY LIKE THAT! Is it my arched brows?

I must, must, master the art of sa jiao-ing! Mmmm... *holds and shakes guy's sleeve* dear dear, buy me that bag please? *Doe-eyed look*

3) Laugh at everything the guys say. Feeds their egos = cute. Also, remember to still have doe-eyed look while laughing.

Superb! From now I shall act cute! I know, right? I also hate act cute girls. BUT! I had enough! I had enough of being the girl that guys don't send home! Why some girls guys will drive them home to boon lay, but some girls (I.e MOI!) guy don't drive them, saying, JURONG SO FAR!!

NOT FAIR! Why do men only help certain girls carry bags! I also want them to help me carry! Not that I find my bags remotely heavy lah, but it is a nice gesture what! See see? I am very weak one, I got, erm, low blood count and my lipstick is too heavy for me!

Back to how girls will all hate me when I successfully master how to act cute and make all the guys love me. Hey babes... I know it is unscrupulous and under-hand, but don't blame me! Blame the other girls who started it!

How to compete with them and win? Have to act cute also lor. Why don't we all try it? It's a fair world.

MEN! Tell me what to do to act cute leh! I want to meet a bunch of guys, leave (early coz filial girls are cute) and have 3 out of 5 of the guys liking me, and them saying, "Woah, she is so cute. Did you see when she laughed she had dimples*?"

Gimme examples of cute-ness you have witnessed from girls. I wanna learn! Quick quick!

*Of course I don't have dimples, but I am thinking surgery.

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