2005-11-14

The Land of Smiles (II)

(Super long entry)


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Ok, I cannot take it ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Aren't those bunnies SUPER CUTE???? I think the only sleeping one the right is the cutest thing I HAVE EVER SEEN, and I really don't know why I didn't buy a bunny, because the netherland dwarfs are sold for...


40 freaking Singapore cents at the CHATUCHAK MARKET!!!

That's right! I don't even mind buying a few to put in the hotel room and cuddling them to sleep for 3 nights, and letting them go free when I go back to Singapore man.

Aiyoh they are so cute I just want to put my nose at their bellies and snuggle them... :D

So anyway, the bunny picture is not supposed to be in front, but I just thought it is super cute. Ahem.

Chatuchak Market!

We went there again the second day, because we didn't really see much the last time. After a long period of searching (the place is THAT big), we found the animals at section 16!

The Thai animal vendors at Chatuchak has taught me one thing: Animals do not need to be pampered like how stupid Singaporeans pamper them.

It irks me when I see people mollycoddling their pets, getting angry at you if you dare to as much as scold/insult the pet, which is ridiculous coz obviously the pet doesn't understand what you are saying. Yes loud voices might startle them, but they aren't hurt, just are just having a biological reaction.

As Kelvin will explain in exasperation, it is ludicrous to throw a human being in jail for torturing animals because animals are not capable for self-conscious thoughts. They do not possess the ability to be self-aware, and therefore are not bestowed with the knowledge of their very existance.

It is fairly certain that they cannot feel jealousy, they cannot understand claustrophobia, nor will they get the magnitude of depression a normal human being might get, being in jail.

(I was speaking to him on MSN so I shall just put in the entire conversation, lazy)

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
to punish a human being, with a system devised by our very superiority

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
for the abuse of an 'inferior' species

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
is an irony

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
we r aware of humiliation, and pride, and isolations

The weather is siao says:
lol i shall put that in and sound like i am very cheam

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
tt is the purpose of bein jailed

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
but pls do clarify tt i love animals

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
and i tink ppl who abuse them r sick

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
and should seek help

Kelvin - illuminati - lucifer: morning star, bringer of light says:
i just dont tink tt jailin them is appropriate



Well before I digressed, I was saying that animals do not need to be pampered. I do not proclaim to be a frantic animal lover (only like them if they are cute; animal lovers, do you love cockroaches? Don't gimme bullshit, if you are an "animal lover" then you love all animals, else you are just a CUTE-LOVER), and nor do I have anything against people who are infatuated with animals...

Oh wait I do.

I hate it when people treat animals better than they treat humans! Of course, some high-moral soul will now say that animals are better coz won't backstab you, they will never betray your love, etc etc, let's not eat them.

Yeah right kiddo, he only loves you coz he knows you will give him food. Why not test his love by sending him to your neighbour, who gives him tastier food from now on, and see if he returns? If he does, it is possibly coz your neighbour doesn't masturbate him and you do (out of love, you proclaim). Conditioned responses, all conditioned responses.

And number 2, a tasty jellyfish dish is also incapable of backstabbing you, that kind benign plate of delicacy! So why not you treat the jellyfish dish better than you treat your mom? How about a rusty doorknob? Also will never sleep with your best friend!

Humans are so weird.

As our society progresses and we don't have to bother about our own survival, we start to bother ourselves with other people's survival, like they want it in the first place. Like whales. Or or foie gras.

In the past, which raving caveman will give a flying fornication about saving a wild boar because "it can feel pain too, and it is near extinct"? Fuck it man, he will tear off the boar's skin and wear it for warmth, eat the meat to fill his stomach, and use a bone as a hair accessory.

Of course, now that we have alternatives (cotton, airpork, and hair dye), it is considered disgusting, cruel, and selfish to even scold an dog. WTF?!

Anyway, once again, before I digressed, I was saying that the Thais have made me realise that there is NO NEED WHATSOEVER TO PAMPER ANIMALS.

It is obvious the animals were kept in bad conditions, very bad conditions. The snakes were in mineral water bottles, the squirrels swung around via a string tied to their necks, and the puppies pushed around and allowed to lick every tourists' filthy hand.

The mere sight of the place will kill your average, superficial animal lover. Even Maddox might cringe a little. Or maybe not.

And yes, it is cruel, and I didn't like it too.

But curiously enough, you will realise something.



The animals propogate.


And we all know that animals only give birth in captive breeding when they are comfortable in their environment.

We have all forgotten that animals have survial instincts too, and they don't need us to wipe their anus for them after they shit.

Well that's that, let's go back to Chatuchak!


Chicks! I didn't see coloured ones though. :) So cute, chirping all over.


OMG the baby hedgehogs are the cutest! Besides that bunny.


It is around fist-sized.


Scurry!

Hedgehogs are very shy creatures. Do you know they spasm with loud noises? We realised that when we cough they shake rhythmically! I guess it's a defence machanism so that when they hear an intruder they shake and if you are near you get poked.

You can hold them in your hands, but only if you are an experienced durian seller. I did, coz the Thai guy says you can, and I got pricked (got blood somemore ok!)... Poor me!

When you pick them up, the roll very tightly into a ball! So cute! You cannot even see any part of their soft underbelly nor faces. After some time, they uncurl, and peek into the world, their little noses sniffing around. SO CUTTTTTE!!!

I don't know how mama-hedgehogs give birth though? Either the baby hedgehogs have very soft spikes or she has a very strong byebye.

Oh hedgehogs selling for around 1000 baht ($48 sing), which our tour guide later informed us is expensive.






Puppies!

There were so many cute puppies! Super duper cute man! And guess what? They are sold for like S$160 each!!

You'll save around S$840 if you bought a jack russell here and manage to smuggle it back. Or more, since $160 is way before haggling.


Can you spot the fake bunny?

These rabbits were just left on a shelf, and weirdly enough, they do not jump off!



Sorry, I cannot help putting this pic again, they are really super adorable...



WHAT ARE THESE??!

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Squirrels!

Uber cute but quite dumb to keep them as pets coz they move way too fast.

Last but not least...


A SLOW LORIS!!

I really wanted to buy it back, but they didn't have the miniature kind I wanted, nor do I know how to smuggle it, dammit.

I should have taken a lot more photos, but most of the Thais didn't allow it, so these were mostly taken secretly.

There were many other animals, such as baby ALLIGATORS (!), snakes, scorpians, and I'm sure if you asked for an elephant or a tiger cub somebody will be selling it.

I couldn't take photos of the more "manly" animals, coz photography was very strictly prohibited in that shop.

After Chatuchak we went to watch the infamous Thai Girls show. ($20 per person)



Possibly the only photo ever smuggled out of the place is this. I am so sorry that I am not a good enough blogger, coz most of the time the girls were not wearing anything and I didn't manage to get a shot of that.

Nonetheless, here's a photo that can aid your imagination as I explain. Of course, you shall not forget I risked life and limb (they are pretty lawless in Thailand) to get this damn photo taken. I got caught twice, both times by the dancing girls, who wagged their fingers at me.

SO ANYWAY, the show. There were a few misconceptions I had before I entered the place.

The first was that it is a SEX show. But it is not, it is a freak show. I'm not being rude, it is true! When you go in you will realise that the girls do not set out to arouse but to shock.

The second misconception was that seeing a girl bottomless is a lot more outragous that seeing a girl topless, which is more common. But surprisingly, even when the girls take off their bottoms, I didn't find it... very exposed.

You cannot really see their genitals (clever angles of stage) and all you can really see if a turf of pubes and that's it.

It was quite boring actually, despite it sounding so amazing.

This is what happens: A girl will come up to the stage and dance. She dances for some time, to drag the show on for the 45 minutes it is supposed to last.

Dance dance dance, SIAN! The music is crappy techno, and the girls are old and not pretty!!

Even watching ah kuas are better, coz at least ah kuas are vivacious and made for the stage.

These girls are bored of their routines, and unenthusiastic about their dancing.

We skip to the amazing parts... Where the girls have already took out their bikini bottoms and tied them around their thighs.

(WARNING: SPOILERS)

Stunt 1) The Amazing Coke manufacturer.

(Please take note that the guests were all served coke.)

Girl brings a coke bottle, filled with plain water. She sits down on the stage and stuffs the bottle head into her vagina.

Voila, bottle emptied! She dances for a short while, audience applause.

Girl sticks empty coke into the vagina again.

Liquid fills up coke bottle, and it is COKE COLOURED.


Stunt 2) Happy Birthday To You

Girl comes on to stage with another girl holding a fake birthday cake with real candles, and 2 really big balloons.

Performing girl sits down, and inserts a blowpipe into her vagina. She inserts a dart into the pipe. Meanwhile the other girl lightly hits the balloon so that it is floating around 2 metres in the air.

Performing girl takes aim, and blows. The darts fly, and hit the balloon with a spectacular burst. After second balloon, she proceeds to extinguish all the candles with her superior genital air.


Stunt 3) Would you like that bottle opened for you sir?

Girl shakes coke bottle violently. She puts bottlecap near vagina, and before anyone knows what is happening, has managed to open the bottle.


Stunt 4) The Gigantic pussy storage

Two stunts were almost the same, which is to pull an amazing amount of string out of their vagina. It is truly freaky, the strings are as long as, I don't know, 10 metres?

One string consists of bells, and the other, of UV-sensitive flowers. The girls just dance and loop the strings around the four poles while pulling and pulling endlessly.

Curious thing is how the strings do not get entangled while being stored!


Stunt 5) The addict

Girl walks up on stage, and lights up 2 ciggies.

She inserts them into herself, and puffs, while moving around to show the audience. By the end of 4 puffs or so, the cigarettes are finished, and she didn't burn herself.

As a bonus she blows a tune on a trumpet.


Stunt 6) You cannot harm me.

Girl comes on to the stage dancing around, with no apparent internal injuries, and holding a piece of scrap paper.

She puts a chain of something out of her vagina.

Audience squints for a bit before they realise what it is...

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And they all gasp. I screamed a little.

She pulls and pulls, not slowly mind you, and the blades come tumbling out, until it is as long as the chain of flowers and bells.

When she is done, she takes up random pieces of blades and slices (easily) the scrap piece of paper for us to see.

She smiles nonchalantly and takes her chain of blades down the stage, as if normal people insert such dangerous objects into their most sensitive areas everyday.


Stunt 7) The Lesbian Act

Two girls go on the stage, and they take out everything, including their tops which is usually kept on. They pretend to fuck.


Stunt 8) The Kamasutra

A man and a lady go on the stage. They are in their 30s, and not very good looking. They have a bit of foreplay, then have sex. It is more educational than anything else, with 2 strokes in each position and changing many positions without once taking out the penis. It is a lot more boring than it sounds. And the guy is ugly.



So that's that for the Thai Girls show! We eat.










We got cheated! That damn fish costs 700 baht, which is the price for a KG of fish, and we are sure it wasn't 1 kg. Damn! But for once, it feels good not to eat spicy food.

We move on to Khao San Night Market, where I met Jorraine, who was also in Bangkok with her friends!




It was a fabulous place!! Khao San specialises in selling body modification related things, which means lots of piercing rings, accessories, hair salons, clothes, manicures, etc. :) At quite reasonable prices! Massage S$10 for an hour. :)



We saw a very popular hair salon, which did braiding and dreadlocks.



You choose your hair colour, and they braid it for you!

Look at this girl!



She had shoulder length hair and she paid 800 baht (S$30 plus). Now it's waist length! Cool yes? You can keep the extension for around 2 and a 1/2 months, according to the Thais.

Click here to see how fast they do the braiding!!!!!

Amazing Thailand.


I chose pink of course. :D

I did only 10 strands of hair and it costs me S$10, as compared to MBK's ridiculous quote of 1,000 baht ($48) for the same ten strands. Crazyass MBK idiots. And they refuse to lower the prices you know!


The boys like the shop (and their new tees)


Kelvin is pretty! He looks like a samsui woman lol

TWO HOURS LATER:


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MY NEW IDOL!!! Russell's SO COOL NOW! We told him he cannot smile that goofy smile anymore so he is now trying to act seh. -_- NICE RIGHT THE DREADLOCKS?! :D

We proceed to PATPONG, where all the sleaze is. :P



I don't see where the topless girls are...

Walking along Patpong, Thailand red-light district, is very exciting. As you go, you get a glimpse of the girls dancing inside, and some girls, some trannies, will be standing outside, pulling you in.


Oh, the lights and the glitter!


Some not so subtle.

Patpong does not only have sex shops, but also a night market, though it closes rather early and prices are farang (farang means all foreigners I believe) catered.

Being the great blogger I am, I urged the boys to get into one of the bars, and I managed to take ONE PHOTO:









There you go! Not topless though.

The sad thing is, on these bars the girls actually lose out to the trannies, who tend to look better. These Thai ladyboys are so hot, you just forgot that they were once men, seriously.

The prettiest of them flashed at us, and I nudged Tim excitedly to look. The girl saw me nudging and laughed at me... :( Xiaxue=mountain tortoise.

I also realised that amazingly the transsexuals have CAMEL TOES! Really damn amazing.

Guess how much it costs? 100 baht for a beer, if you don't bring any of the girls home. S$4 for looking at maybe 50 girls dancing for you, and a beer to boot? Deals like these you can only get in Thailand. :)




Patunum market was flooded (as is everywhere else actually), but the accessories there are so cheap. :)




Suan-Lum Night bazaar, great for furniture shopping and more upmarket things! (As you can see I am getting tired of this very long blog entry)

And we go back to Singapore.



Me with braids, Russ with dreadlocks, Kelvin with dyed and cut hair and Tim looks quite the same though he cut his hair coz he can't do anything outrageous; he is in the army. Poor thing!

We are not a couple btw, Tim and I. Couples do not go out with mutual friends all the time, do they? :)


Flying Finnair, the official airline for Santa Claus!



We love you!

Ok I'm out, super late now! I wrote this entry from 3.30pm till now, 7.21 pm! If it is not work I don't know what it is.

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