2005-03-28

I see you, my heart will POM POM TIAO!

Alrighty! This is just a notice yeah? Some of you blogders might already know that my very close friend, Shuyin (aka Birdy) had a website at lalalabom.blogspot.com.

She stopped blogging for some personal reasons, and now that she wants to resume blogging, that particular address is already taken by someone else.

That someone else, I think, read about Shuyin via my site, and therefore chose that nick. Let's face it, how many people will think of an address like "lalalabom"?!

The very traumatized Shuyin is therefore forced to use a very awful variation of her nick, which is lalalaPOM.blogspot.com. Everytime I see that address I have convulsions.

(Let's not go into lalalasom, lalalafom, lalalazom, lalalalom, lalalagom, lalalanom, lalalakom, lalalaoom, lalalarom, lalaladom, lalalahom, lalalavom, lalalacom, lalalatom, lalalawom, and finally, lalalamom jokes. WHAHAHAHAHA!)

I believe Shuyin, during her short-lived stay in the blogosphere, have had quite a fixed identity with her own blogders, who, naturally identify with her nickname.

So, my point is, can the person who is at lalalabom.blogspot.com please give it back to Shuyin?

Pretty please?

P/s: Irrelevant people SHUT THE FUCK UP. It is none of your FUCKING BUSINESS. Please don't bombard the two girls. I am not demanding she gives back the URL. I am merely asking nicely if she could.

Read The Full Article
2005-03-27

Oh no!

Read March 23rd entry first!
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Read The Full Article
2005-03-26

FUCKING, FUCKING STUPID.

If you drop your shoe, for some ludicrous reason, into the MRT track, you DO NOT jump into the track to pick it up.

Understand, children?

IT IS BUT A SHOE.

Even if the train doesn't go bam on you, it is likely walking barefoot on the high voltage tracks will give you a sizzled pancreas, and, if you like that sort of thing, perhaps an afro to go with it.

A friend just lectured me on not seeking to make fun of (nothing funny here though) of the dead, but hey ... leaving behind 4 children and a fiancee who encouraged him to fetch the shoe (!), but is nonetheless pretty grievous, I think he should be pretty much given a good shout by a army general with good lungs for sacrificing his life for a FUCKING shoe. (not to mention the people who were late for work/appointments because of the train delay)

It is not a freak accident, ST.

It is not even an accident.

It is suicide.

(BTW, did the title "Man trying to retrieve shoe hit by train" mean he was trying to retrieve a shoe that was hit by the train? *Guffaws*)

p/s: When I read the article I was irresistably reminded of two movie scenes: 1) The scene in Ice Age where the last do-do birds all dead while jumping over a cliff to get a fallen watermelon and 2) The scene in "Honey I shrunk the kids!" where the kids sat a on giant ant and got it to move by holding a long pole with a biscuit crumb on it and letting the crumb be forever just a short distance from the ant's eyes. I don't know why. The scenes keep flashing.

*Boohoohoo Wendy you are so mean! Tsk! What nonsense. I am trying to educate the public.*

Post-note: Keep in mind I cannot stop people from commenting (actually I can but you people want the comments link there right ...). There will always be unnecessarily mean comments, and I don't have the time to delete them all. I have to state clearly here that the comments do not reflect my thoughts, nor does it mean I approve, or even condone them.

Read The Full Article
2005-03-23

Thank you!

I've started work people, so I'm really drop dead tired as I woke up at 545am yesterday. (NO, I'm not working as a fishmonger)

I'd continue blogging tomorrow, I promise! If I don't, may Cloudy get herpes!! Meanwhile, this cannot wait.



A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE!


Thank you xie xie thank you!

Firstly, a giant hug to Buzz.blogger.com who have mentioned me. This is big, I swear. My site meter before they mentioned me and after the vabbit incident, was hovering around 6,500 unique visitors a day.

QUITE CRAZY!

After Buzz, the visitors shot up to an average of 8,300 a freaking day can?! How cool is that?!

Help me, I am hyperventilating! MY USUAL VIEWERSHIP IS 3,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE BLOGGER GUYS READ MY BLOG! If not regularly, at least once! Very honoured indeed. This is international! =)

Of course, at this point of time I should accredit Blogger for providing unlimited bandwidth for my site. YOU GUYS ROCK! Ok everyone go sign up with Blogger now.

Ahem. Back to less ass-licking stuff.

Mrbrown and Mr Miyagi went mad. Totally bonkers. They poked fun at me!!! Apparently famous US blogger Tony Pierce decided to feature my photo (anonymously and for no reason whatsoever) on his site and the itchy backside Mr Miyagi got extremely tickled by it.

This is the photo:





He and Mrbrown then proceeded to ...


take photos of themselves as a parody of mine and posted the scary photos on their sites.

I almost laughed my head off.

This sparked off a WHOLE TRUNKLOAD of bloggers all jumping in to join the fun, and everyone started to make twirly tongues and up-ward staring eyes.




To see all, click on either brownie, miyagi or here! Haha!


Turodrique (founder, LocalBrand) saw what happened, realised the tee I was wearing was LocalBrand's Blind, and squealed in excitement. He also skipped around a little. He decided to mark this historic meme moment by offering a 20% discount to whoever dares to show that silly face to his sales assistants, no doubt making them all go on strike in fear. Ha! Click here to find out how to do just that!

I can't stand it anymore. I need sleep. However, if you don't, and feel like joining in the fun, why not jump on the bohliao (nothing better to do) bandwagon?

Simple. Copy that look, snap it, and either
1) send the photo to flickr (address below),

2) post it on your blog (and proclaiming that you are too sexy for your blog) and let me or mrbrown know the link,

3) or to send it to my gmail at thegoddess@gmail.com.

I'd put all the pics up the next entry! Nothing too big ok, around 100x100 pixels would be perfect. If you don't know how to adjust the size, just send it over anyway!

To view those early birds, click here! This is so funny.

Alright, good night~!

(As a compensation for the wait for the IQ question answers, here's a nice photo.)






WAH!!!

p/s: Stay tuned k, a lot to blog about for tomorrow. With loads of pictures. And a porno stickmen pic for the fourth IQ question.

Luv,
Very tired XX

Read The Full Article
2005-03-16

Yawn!!!!!!!!!

Very very very tired .... Answers tomorrow k? Sorry for the lag!

Read The Full Article
2005-03-15

IQ tests

Recently I've been asked some nice IQ questions, courtesy of Ivan and Colin, so thought maybe I'd share them!

And then there is the fact that I solved ALL of them and I am feeling quite smart at the moment, which makes me happy, and since I'm happy I shall attempt to be generous with IQ tests.

Here goes!

1) Lightbulbs

There are two rooms side by side. From one room you cannot see what is going on in the other. In room 1, where you are standing right now, are 3 switches. These 3 switches would on 3 lightbulbs in the other room. The connections between switch and bulb are completely random. You are only allowed one trip to the other room to try to find out which switch turns on which bulb. The bulbs are all off at the moment.

How?

2) Across the bridge

There are two islands, and a bridge between the islands. On one island stands four people. They all take a different time to cross the bridge - 10 min, 5 min, 2 min and 1 min.

However, there is only ONE torch amongst these people, and they HAVE to use the torch to get across the dark bridge. The bridge, being rickety and all, can only hold a maximum of 2 people at one time, or it will break.

How long will it take for everyone to get to the other island, and how? (no tossing torch across the waters!)

3) Square pool

I have a swimming pool (alright I don't, but hypothetically speaking) which is in the shape of a square. For fengshui reasons, I have a tree planted at each corner of the pool.

I want to double the surface area of the pool with two criteria: The fengshui trees must remain where they are, and the shape of the final pool must remain a square.

How? (cannot increase depth!)

4) Safe sex

There are 2 guys and 2 girls. The 2 guys want to fuck the 2 girls (ie each guy screws both girls) but there is a problem ... There are only two condoms available. Use the condoms any way you want - reuse, flip it, etc - but you cannot wash it.

No body fluids can be exchanged (even girl-girl or guy-guy exchanges), else the sex would not be considered safe from STDs.

How can the task be done?


Ok! Have fun! I'd reveal the answers tomorrow! In the meantime, those who already heard the questions shut up and don't spoil the fun for others! Questions can be asked in the comments, but guessers might be safer not reading it at all since it is likely someone would have posted his answers there.

Tata!

Nights people! Muacks!!

Read The Full Article
2005-03-14

I am sick and tired of everyone trying to give me advice like they know better.

Read The Full Article
2005-03-13

"oooh... I swear I didn't see her!"

Note: Read previous post first!

One thing I hate doing is to argue with retards. Really. It is disgusting, but quite amusing actually. Shuyin is laughing at some of the stupidity some forumites actually came up with. But let's not pick on Jovanna's finer points of her retorts because it is a waste of everyone's time, being the self -contradictory handful of brain cells she is. That's right, let's not pick on them. Let's laugh at them instead!

OMG! *wild laughter* SHE, WHO MANAGED TO SNATCH THE CAB AND GO OFF WITH IT, IS ACTUALLY ANGRY WITH ME!! And therefore, that was her reason for STARTING to verbal abuse and accuse me. She also said, omg omg this is classic, she is scared that her boyfriend DROPPED OUT OF THE CAB and therefore she was so mad!

Drop out of the cab! Like an ... inflated boyfriend blown into a light ball would gently roll out! Excuse me miss, but I opened that door an inch, and you are scared he bounces out? Eh?!! The cab was moving at a snail's crawl HAHAHAHHAHA

I am so amused by stupidity, I am.

I cannot stand it! I keep laughing! It is ok to be dumb, but please don't ACT SMART. Let me quote you one more classic:


Originally Posted by cookiedough
on a note of fairness, vabbit posted this thread FIRST. thats why xx reacted to it i think

Jovanna: yes. i posted tis to whine first. on the contra, she can choose to ignore it or react to it and she chose the latter =)

OMG ISN'T THIS SO FUNNY!!!?? I am not even talking about the "contra" thing. The whole sentence simply means ... I am not sure but it is surely stupid. She also sent me two emails along the lines of "I don't mind if you delete the post and once you do that I will keep my mouth shut" (OMG OMG) and "I'd apologize if we apologize together".

The two points are so ridiculously absurd that I actually spit ruffles all over my screen. OF COURSE you wouldn't mind if I delete this post (which I wouldn't because you are a blatant liar), and ask me if I give a shit about you not shutting your mouth. Sure, go ahead and say whatever no one is listening to baby!

AND WHY SHOULD I APOLOGIZE WHEN I DID NOTHING WRONG?! I was flamed, accused, and had my cab snatched (whether intentionally or not).

Anyway, from the amount of times Miss Jovanna has posted on the forum, it IS pretty clear that she is enjoying the attention, which I shall not bestow on her any further. In any case, she is too stupid to be worth talking to.

I shall however, go on to prove that is IMPOSSIBLE that both she and her boyfriend did not see me before they hopped on to the cab I waited 25 minutes for.



Now as you can see, this is the now-famous piece of Teban Gardens road which I usually take a cab from. Predictably, I am the stick woman in hot pink (also note I drew myself with antennas and a furious waving action), and the cab snatchers are in lime green and distorted.

Any resident of teban would know that where I am standing at is a place for cab waiting, because everyone stands there waiting for a cab, whether or not he/she is reading a palmtop. (Even if they didn't know, they SHOULD ASK. Bu wen zi qu shi tou!) Also note that there is a lamppost right beside me, and also the tree which provides the kind shadow aforementioned.

Now, besides being remarkably close to me, the snatchers are also positioned at a very evidently guilty, er, position.

I have marked with black arrows the direction in which they could have walked to the spot they eventually stole the cab from.

Using your sense of logic, unless they vaulted over the fence from the back which is highly unlikely, FROM EVERY OF THE 3 PLACES THEY CAME FROM THEY DEFINITELY CAN SEE ME. It was 730pm, the sun has not set (Sy says to help my argument I should mention the sun sets in the west and I stay in the west so it sets later there), and it was certainly BRIGHT ENOUGH TO SEE ME.

Ok, now we have established that she definitely saw me but still stole my cab. Let's move a step backwards to argue with the idiots who still buy her story.

1) If she discovered, after I tried to stop the cab, that in fact she stole my cab, THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE STOP AND LET ME INTO THE CAB WHEN I STOPPED IT? It is MY cab isn't it?

She is at fault.

2) If she discovered, after I tried to stop the cab, that in fact she stole my cab, then she would also know I have all reasons to be angry, THEN WHY DID SHE FLAME ME?

She is at fault.

Makes sense does it?

Her phone number is 15**... Last chance Jovanna. Apologize. ROOOOAAARR!!! You are at fault and there is no doubt about it. I'd love to see you try going to the police for having me reveal your number. I'm sure the police would laugh their batons upside-down. YOU WERE THE ONE STUPID ENOUGH TO WRITE IT ON A FORUM POST. It is no one's fault but your own that the whole world can see it.

Besides, how can you say it is me who gave away your number? *sniggers* Maybe I can just link the post ... Or maybe I can be malicious enough to call your principal?? Whahahaha! Just a passing thought ...

(To blogders: I am not writing about her anymore after this post. I am kidding about the threatening, but sheesh, don't tell her ok?)

Comments please do so on the previous post, thanks! Lots! Flame me too to be fair! I feel like putting it into classics! Lots of comments!!

*rolls eyes*

Read The Full Article
2005-03-12

Ask me

Go on. Please do. Ask me what are the things that piss me off the most. I'd answer you in the most patient manner I can.

Alright, here goes!

I get very pissed off when people accuse me. I also get my blood boiling whenever I encounter cab snatchers, especially when I have waited a good old 25 minutes in hot weather for the cab and along comes some fuckers who cruise off happily in it when I am already running late.

I also dislike being called fat, having my fringe cut too short... Well I can go off into a long ramble along this line, including chefs who put lots of parsley into my pasta and refuse to change it, but hey, let's not even go near those dangerous waters.

Of course, having my cab snatched and being accused (of being fat among other things) would be in the top ten disagreeable things I can think of. I'd rather, for instance, be sneezed on by a llama than have my cab snatched. (As a sidenote, this really happened back when I was in primary school. The llama sneezed on me when I was feeding it some grass. Little bits of saliva-coated green pieces covered me and it smelt thrice as bad as it looks)

Interestingly enough, yesterday two of the abdominable things happened at once, and both done by the same person.

Read this.

Alright, so you have heard Miss, erm, *vabbit's account on what has happened. Let me tell you my version, so you can better entwine yourself in the internet world's gossip.

Since she wanted me to "whine" about the incident on my blog so badly, I think I would give her the attention, shall I not?

Now, today, at around 730pm, when the weather was still sweltering hot and rather sunny, I was waiting for a cab so that I could have dinner with a friend of mine.

I waited for a good 25 minutes. You may ask at this point of time, is it the same spot where I was waiting for a cab in the incredimorons post? Yes indeed, it is the same spot.

So there I waited, my patience slowly becoming impatience. The cabs were all occupied and I was running really late. I also took out my palmtop and begin to read Harry Potter for a bit (book five, reading for the 6th time).

Being immersed in the book, I didn't look up for a minute, but when I did, I saw a young couple unabashedly get into a cab right in front of me.

Maybe I should explain the logistics a little clearer. THEY WERE AROUND 3 METRES IN FRONT OF ME, exactly where the green blob is on the picture I once drew. To say that they didn't see me before they snatched the cab is simply impossible unless they are both blind, in which case they aren't.

(Concerned readers may ask at this point of time: Why do I not just stand where the cab snatchers always do instead of my usual spot? My answer is that not only is it more logical to stand at my usual spot since there is a bus stop space for the cabs to stop at, it also comes along with a tree's shadow which is very welcome in sunny singapore)

This was simply the last straw. I had my cab snatched one time too many, and I AM NOT ABOUT TO DO NOTHING THIS TIME ROUND. Driven by a mad impulse, I strolled up to the road in front of the cab, and stood before it.

Now, the cab, clearly thinking I was about to just flag it down, did not stop.

I stepped out to the middle of the road and just stood there.

It honked pretty loudly, braking just in time to not ram me down. Pretty reckless behaviour yes.

I then proceeded to open the cab's door to give the two thieves a piece of my mind (regarding what I think of cab snatchers, dishonesty and integrity) when the cab, no doubt thinking I am a robber of some sort despite my beautiful curls, drove off.

I think the two thieves experienced the single most exciting cab ride they ever had, slammed the door (which I managed to open) shut, and proceeded to abuse me during the rest of their journey.

Now, clearly, being the winner in this situation (getting the cab; not getting a piece of my mind; slamming the door in my face) is not enough for them. They, ok, she, must also proceed to tell lies about me on that forum.

I don't want to taint my blog with words of random 16 yr olds with N level troubles and a "lao gong", but I have to quote her hilarious proses:

According to her,

"Went to my bf's hse juz now.. den when i was going hm.. mi n my bf was in a cab.. xiaxue rushed into the front.. n RUDELY open the door n give us tt stupid face.. AS IF we offended her.. -.- such a rude person.. zzz..."


Later on, she goes on to say:

"so idiot can? we were in the cab first.. if i've notice her in the first place.. i wouldnt snatch her cab.. PLUS. there's a cab behind our cab.. EMPTY cab somemore.. zzz... STUPID WOMAN"


Excuse me *vabbit, eh, can I please don't use the asterisk? Ok, excuse me, Vabbit, Did you say that if you noticed me you wouldn't have snatched my cab? Clearly you did. Ok, so this is established: YOU DO KNOW THAT YOU STOLE MY CAB.

Did I know that, even if I believed for a moment which I don't because you were 3 metres in front of me, that your stealing wasn't delibrate?

And since I didn't know it isn't delibrate (which it is, actually), HOW CAN YOU NOT OFFEND ME? I have all rights to be offended.

And therefore, am I wrong to show you what you called a "stupid" face? (the correct adjective here is angry, or in Hokkien, damn du lan)

What a dumbass.

Clearly, she knew she was in the wrong because she stole a cab. But she refuses to admit it and commits the one other thing I hate: Hitting on people's looks. Saying I am fat, and while at that, criticise my dress. According to her, it makes me look like a prostitute.

The rather conservative dress in question is on the left as you can see. A tank top plus an above-the-knee skirt combine to form the dressing of ... a prostitute? No... You don't say... It can't be true can it? Oh M)phosis! Why did you guys design something so vulgar?!

She also goes on to exclaim, "OMG.. gimme $10 bucks.. i also dun let my bf fk her =x".

*deep breaths*

Let's for a moment, forget the fact that she just claimed that if someone were to give her 10 bucks, she'd allow her boyfriend to fuck any girl except those of my standards.

Maybe, just maybe, there is some serious sentence structure mistake there. I am assuming that she is trying to say that even if someone pays her bf, he would not want to fuck me.








The boyfriend in question looks like this:


Besides being .. I don't think there is a bad enough adjective, remember he is also a cab snatcher. Wait, is that a pink pin on his hair?

That is not the point. My point is that although vabbit claims he (aiyo, he has a name la. It is Tian xiang) wouldn't fuck me even if someone pays him $10 bucks (I am pretty sure he would do it actually, provided he has reached puberty and is able to get an erection), I would also like to say that I would never touch his dangly genitals with a 10 foot pole, thank you very much.

On the cab he proudly snatched for the 199,736th time Now some of you, the less evil ones anyway, are possibly thinking I am mean to post the cab snatchers pictures up here on my blog.

Here is my argument: Firstly, this Vabbit girl has *almost* requested outright for me to write about her. So I did. And secondly, there she is, criticising my looks just because I do have my photos online. I can do the same, can't I? I wouldn't swoop to her level and call her fat, coz she really isn't (and neither am I). I would post her photo though. She posted her photos online, and therefore I can post them - if she doesn't want people to see it, why place it on the cyberworld?

Let me first congratulate myself on my detective work.

Now, only with her online profile on the forum, I managed to, after 4 hours and some help from a friend, dig up almost everything about her I never needed to know.

I read all 500 of her recent posts. Mind you, all 500 posts are written in teensy language (ie: =/ =X nth dun LMAO etc) and I read through all of them.

I found that her name is Jovanna Li (aka Vabbit, laziebumm, bummy), she plays the flute in Pasir Ris Sec's military band, has been with Tian Xiang since 1.11.2004, has a maximum of 5 pimples on her face at any one point in her life, stays at ponggol, and scored 9 for her N levels, among other things (like the facts that she lies blatantly and is a cab snatcher).

She also thinks she looks like Cecilia Cheung, which I ... beg to differ in what I hope is a gentle manner.



I almost decided not to share her blogsite, but upon managing to google it I discovered that she put in a javascript password for it. I, naturally, did not have access to that password because I forgot to ask her for it this evening when she snatched my cab, so I clicked cancel.

Upon that divine click, her blog led me to cock.com and asked me to go fuck myself or something. That, is the third rudest thing that happened in my life, directly after the llama sneezing and blatant cab-snatching.

Excuse me, but it is definitely not my fault that I don't have your password!

Because she was rude, and also because a javascript password prompt is the stupidest thing ever invented, I suggest you people visit http://d0lliesweet.blogspot.com in mozilla, after going to tools, options, web features, and unchecking "enable javascript".

I love her blog. Every entry is a happy entry.

To her credit she does look pretty in certain angles, which invariably involves her tilting her head downwards and opening her eyes wide to look into the camera in dark lighting, taken with a lousy camera phone which doesn't capture details.

Ok. There. I'm done.

Jovanna, how's this for advice? NEVER, EVER, SNATCH A CAB AGAIN.

Also, I do not forgive easily. I accept that you are angry and you can verbally abuse me. I, however, do not accept that you spin lies about me online when in fact you KNOW that you snatched my cab and made me sound like I am at fault.

Clarify that, and I will delete this post.

Don't, and I swear I will I be vindictive enough to set up a friendster account with many of your pics (which I have saved) and put your phone number there, which you were stupid enough to write on a forum post(8134****).

"Are you threatening me?!" you ask in indignance.

Yes I am, and I am glad you grasped the concept fast enough.

Have a nice day.

(What! What I do? I merely told you guys what happened [which she also did], and her blog address which contains her photos anyway [which she also did]. As far as I know, I am not going anything wrong at all. SHE ACCUSED ME. So what if she is 17? 17 then can anyhow defame people is it? I don't care. I gave her a choice. No comments though. You people will preach.)

Post note: Ho ho ho! Miss Juvenile Delinquent now claims that she didn't see me. That is, simply put, impossible. I will show you why tonight, complete with pictures. AND IT WASN'T DARK YET. In any case, I've a lamp post shining directly above my head. One more thing: My Newpaper article is postponed because SYLVESTER SIM decided to choose yesterday of all days not to wed. Can somebody who know him please shake him by the shoulders in a violent fashion? Oh yeah and I decided to allow comments.

Read The Full Article
2005-03-10

I had a #^&@(^$# day!

I was going to blog about rainbows, chendols, epilators and other and delightful happy things, but today everything bad came along and ruined 1/(365*20) of my life.

I stomped out from a business meeting where I was furious with myself for not being as assertive as I vowed to be. There I was, this single insignificant but malicious creature standing along a Singapore road, seething and steaming in anger. Apparently I really suck at business meetings because I tend to keep quiet and let the other party take the lead and go on while I meekly sit in silence, not daring to oppose anything I happen to disagree with.

This is definitely not consistent with my usual behaviour. Maybe it has to do with my age, for I feel it is disrespectful to retort businessmen who are much older and more experienced than me, even if they were obvious bullies.

That is not the point. The point is, having met whoever I met today for a few times already, I've been advised to speak my mind to this fellow (about him actually giving me money for a service instead of just profit sharing) TODAY because I have merely whimpered in his presence for the past few times I met him, completely not saying what I have to, and thus wasting both of our time.

This time, I told myself I must be confident and speak up. To my credit I did, but I sounded like an abused environmentalist with a gag. After he got the gist of what I was stuttering incoherently, he bellowed with laughter and asked in the most incredulous tone he could muster: WHY HE SHOULD PAY ME?!

Why indeed.

Before I could go into the million reasons why he should, he went on about why he SHOULDN'T, while I hung my head down actually feeling pretty ashamed that I should have asked such a thing.

Don't know what came over me. Anyway, after the meeting the cloud of confusion cleared up, and I realised I've been STUPID once again. I also remembered taking a cab to the place, thus wasting $9.70 and also missing lunch.

I then made a phone call. It involved a person I rather liked telling me he would like to fuck a friend of mine and whether I could make the introduction for him.

This made me very very angry indeed.

I called Eileen and started to complain in soft gentle tones, just kidding, really loud tones, until Eileen asked me in a rather hurt voice how come I am hollering like my windpipe just got back from a ski in the alps. (At this point of time I committed my third mistake of the day which is to complain to Eileen when she has been waiting patiently for a call from me to wish her a happy happy 23rd birthday [which I plainly forgot])

As I was shouting at Eileen something ultimately unpleasant happened.

This fellow, who could be best described as having a typical MLM salesman look (and most possibly is), walked towards me. He was in a grey shirt, black trousers, and had most unflattering golden streaks in this black hair which partially obstructed his oily, late-twenties face.

I don't have problems with his appearance. I did, however, have a problem with the thing he was holding. A Sony Erisson handphone I believe, with a camera. He failed majestically to act like he wasn't taking my photo because not only was the lens directed at me, his phone was held far too high/straight to be credible for msging.

Never mind that this oily fellow was taking my photo. That is ok. But no! His phone had to be aiming at my ... cleavage. (My blouse wasn't even that low cut lor, cmon)

At this point of time you may be wondering about the cartoon. Ok, I got the head of the man by searching "pervert" in google image, so yup, don't you think it is just so apt?

Back to the story, since I was speaking with Eileen and the man was walking pretty fast, I let him go off.

Later on, HE DID SOMETHING VERY RIDICULOUS. HE U-TURNED. He caught up with me, and ...



SEMI-TURNED AROUND WHILE STANDING SIDE-BY-SIDE WITH ME, AIMED HIS CAMERA AT MY INNOCENT BOOBS, AND PRETENDED TO BE LOOKING AT SOMETHING OVER MY SHOULDER.

Someone give this man a Subtlety Award please, I can hardly stand it.

He then proceeded to walk really fast ahead, where he stopped at a bus stop.

Eileen and I finished our conversation, and so I was just walking alone now. He also didn't know that I was a particularly furious individual at that point of time.

When I had to inevitably walk pass that fucker at the bus stop, he turned and aimed another shot, just "happening" to be standing at the opposite direction of his fellow commuters (which was facing the road, naturally).

So bloody obvious.


I strangled him.



Ok I didn't. And that is because his face is really oily. That, and I am scared he asks me to buy MLM.

But I did shout at him in a perfectly audible and plenty loud voice, "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!"

The fucker stammered something. I cut him off and continued, "You were trying to take my photos right?"

He said, "No... I... I wasn't," and with shifty movements tried to show me the screen of the phone which he obviously had exited the camera mode.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING BACK AND FORTH?"

"I... I was looking for a sign."

Sign my ARSE. Bloody muthafucker is dishonest AND intensely stupid as well as lecherous.

2 split seconds later I was realised it was my turn to speak and I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I gave him the dirtiest look I could arrange my facial muscles to form and muttered, "JERK." after rolling my eyes in what I hoped was a vehement fashion.

I then stomped off.

As I was chewing on a Pau Dian carrot cake (nicest carrot cake in the universe) much later, I realised I was being too kind. I should have snatched the phone from him (yikes, oily. And I think he masturbates to it), delete my photos, then accuse him of saving them in some obscure folder and thus giving me a reason to toss the phone out into the road where it becomes electronic roadkill.

I should then kick his balls, take a photo of him wincing in pain, and publish it on this site saying that this man is in pain because he just had a belly button transplant. Of course no such thing happened, which will piss him off infinitely because random people would ask him how come he needed to transplant his belly button, did he forget to plug out his umbilical or something *snigger snigger*? where he would go mad eventually and really transplant his belly button just so that he can answer the questions without going mad.

But NO! All I said was "Jerk."

I am still very angry! ARRRgggghh! I hope he gets a million ulcurs on both of his hands and they rapture and/or implode with a vengence. When he wants to wank, which he no doubt will, he realises he cannot use his hands and attempts to use his feet, which unless he is a yoga master he can't (and he isn't a yoga master because he is an MLM salesman). The feet are infected with an unidentified green fungus with yellow secretions and smells so bad it renders his said genitalia flaccid and unable to erect for the rest of his adult life. When he is all senile and have not wanked for 49.2 years, he decides it is time to try with a glass bottle. He valiently goes ahead, not noticing it contains concentrated sulfuric acid.

HMPF!

Ok I am done with complaining. To be fair to the day, it wasn't all that bad lah. I had great fun with Shuyin, Wanyi and Alvin Lam (their schoolmate) at KTV. In the morning a newpaper photojournalist also came to my place to take a shoot.

That's right! The ambassadorship has caught the attention of Edwin Yeo (he is actually a friend of mine) when he glanced through the blog. Edwin is, as most of you already know, a newpaper reporter lah. (Due to an unfortunate miscommunication Turodrique and I both thought we sent the press release to Newpaper where we both thought wrong) So yay, gonna be on papers! =) No idea when though, should be the day after?

We did the interview at Wisma, but Edwin refused to let me take a photo of him, rudely claiming he doesn't want to be on my blog (in a tone like one would exclaim that they don't want to be on an obiturary page).

Therefore, I took a photo of his hand.



Excuse the ciggie.

Anyway, as I was saying, Edwin conducted the interview in Wisma where I got more and more amazed as the interview went on.

This is because he was writing in shorthand.

Everytime someone asks me whether I can write in shorthand, I always say I can, because I have no idea what it is. I thought it just means shortforms like B4 and TMR and what's nots.

But I had no idea it is a foreign language altogether:


It reads: The weather is so nice. The lady in front has a nice cleavage. I am very amazed at the way you write cleavage. And so on.

Amazing right! To think I accused Edwin of horrible handwriting initially.

Ok, sleep time. Nights! It is 5.34 now. AM!

Of course, happy happy (belated) birthday beautiful Eileen! I love you! (Now everyone wish her too ok!!)

Disclaimer: Sorry, realised the shorthand text might be easily mistaken. Edwin told me to say something so that he could write it down. So I said the weather is nice, and that the lady in front had a nice cleavage (a random angmoh woman). It wasn't HIM talking about ME. Obviously he couldn't let me take a picture of the interview details lest people who can read shorthand reads what he says. Anyway, further proof the cleavage lady wasn't me? I was wearing a LocalBrand tee that day which shows no cleavage whatsoever.

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2005-03-07

Come meet me!!

Hello hello ladies, gentlemen and violentmen!

It is my pleasure to announce that the very deep NUS Political Science Society (website at http://www.PSSOC.org) is setting up a stall at a bazaar held at the Forum (which is near the central library co-op and the, erm, Grinning Gecko). Apparently they have approached Turodrique Fuad, who is founder and ahem, designer of LocalBrand, (for which I am ambassador of by the way), to sell his tees there!

HA! Good news doesn't end here ladies and gentlemen! The tees, usually sold at a ridiculously luxurious price of $25 (!), have been drastically reduced to a miniscule amount of $20 - which I heard, is not even enough to feed a duck-billed platypus for 16 days.

Hear hear! Mr Turodrique Fuad, eccentric-designer-cum-moral-vegetarian, has decided to extend this already absurb generosity by - gasp - lowering the price of his tees by another $5 to daring students who muster up enough courage to show proof of a C+ or BELOW on a recent test paper. The end result is of course very disappointed but pleased students with tee shirts so affordable, they wouldn't even know what hit them.

According to Mr Fuad, 32 (coincidentally my bust size), he thinks it is easy enough to reward the hardworking, but hey, let's give the kids a break. No doubt, yours truly thinks Mr Fuad might have gone through some personal trauma as a University student who scored below C+ all the time.

"WHAT HAS ALL THESE GOT TO DO WITH ME?!" you Xiaxue blogders exclaim with a frantic sort of malice. Well, the thing is that I WOULD BE THERE from 12pm to 2pm to, erm, meet whoever wants to see me without any form of photoshop! Ha!

I'd also sign the tees for you if you want me to. *blushes* (A bit paiseh to self-promote.)

Do come ok? Can buy me some food also I reckon, the timing so awkward. I don't eat parsley and Vietnamese.

Date: Tuesday, March 08, 2004
Time: 12pm to 2pm
Venue: Forum, NUS


See ya all! =)

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2005-03-03

What have been keeping me busy

Recently, after Spring cleaning that is, I've been obsessed with making my room neat.

I decided to clean out my wardrobe! For those of you who don't know me, or rather, don't know me well enough to have ever seen my wardrobe, it is a gigantic 3 closet affair (around 1.5 of the usual wardrobe's size that is) and overspilling with clothes.

Around half a year ago I had a wardrobe clean-out, and I gave away two FULL trashbags of clothes (a lot of which once belonged to Eileen).

Recently the fucking cupboard got so messy, it took a full-scale SWAT mission to find a particular piece of clothing. Even Super Sunday's Ah Liang cannot help me, I tell you.

The final straw broke when Eileen asked me to return her her cap, which I knew was in the cupboard, and could not find. No matter now much I flipped the clothes here and there, I couldn't see the deeply buried headgear. Imagine that!

IT IS TIME FOR A CLEAN OUT!






This is only half - bottoms and PJs


And ... Presenting the clothes I decided I do not want anymore:



Shuyin, Wanyi and Eileen, who came treasure hunt through the pile, had a field day I tell you.

Had a count:

49 sleeveless tops
20 tubes
32 sleeved tops
11 long sleeved tops
9 shirts
20 jackets and pullovers

= 141 tops (can wear for 5 months without repeating)

29 skirts
15 pants and jeans
6 beach shorts

= 50 bottoms

25 dresses (Anyone wanna try to beat that? I already gave away 5)
27 PJs

And ... 143 unwanted clothes

Grand total = 386 clothes!

If every piece costed an average of $15, which it definitely wouldn't be (should be more coz of the Levis and dresses), it would be a WHOOPING $5,790 CAN!

How gross is that?!! And you know what? The number is not even correct, because quite some of the clothes are in the wash.

I don't remember having so much money, even though quite a bit of the clothes were given by kindred spirits.

Anyway, found some funny clothes!!



RETRO SIA! The old RV PE tee! Now no longer available in the market because RV changed its PE gear to cheap fugly polo tees during the millenium. When I was still a chao lian I used to tuck it all the way into the waistband very tight so that people can see my bra is black. WTH! *Very ashamed of self*



MY GOD! WILL YOU HAVE A LOOK AT THAT!

It is a fucking SHU NU SKIRT!

Tsk! I don't know when I bought it, but hell is it shu nu! Shu nu stamped all over it man!

I kept it. Shall suddenly wear it when my friends are least expecting it, just to scare them. Ha!

Horror of horrors coming up:



"It is not that bad what," you say. YOU ARE WRONG!!

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WOAH!!! FIRE SIA! That Chinese word is my name (Yan from Cheng Yan Yan), AND I DESIGNED THE TEE!!

The t-shirt dates back to 1999 when I was with someone called Patrick, and I designed and made LOVER TEES FOR US! Surrounded with FIRE! The ultimate beng of beng I tell you. His tee wrote "Zhong" (loyalty - and also his Chinese name). *looks ashamed once again* But hey, that stupid tee costs $30 ok!

The end result!



Wah, so neat! And I went mad and labelled the compartments too!

Let's zoom in:



Ok, boys reading this, move away, far far away.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Alright. I don't know if any of you girls have experienced this, but don't you find you always forget your menstruation date? Especially since it would be something pretty close to last month's date and you will get all confused.

I deviced a way to solve that problem. Using a cardboard, I wrote 1-30 on it, and stuck the thing to the place where I store my pads. The top part is not scorchtaped, so I put in a plastic tag which can move, and pasted a small heart on it. This part is where the white arrow is pointing.

So, every month when the annoying thing comes, I'd definitely remember to shift the heart tag to the appropriate date coz that's where I need to take the pads! Quite brilliant eh?! Ok it is not brilliant. Just pretty handy for lazy people like me. =)

Boys can continue reading now.





Sobs. So neat. I am so proud of myself. I even put Jerry into a cleaner place. He is now my bogeyman. Sobs. My mama saw what I was doing, came over to give me a hug and a kiss, and told me I am so guai and she is touched. *BAWLS*

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I didn't really want to blog tonight, because I was doing something else ...

Started to doodle ...



First it was just pencil drawings ...

And then ...

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NICE NOT!!! A MURAL! I started from 1am and finished at 4am. Took out some white paint which was left over from last time we painted the house and PAINTED MY WALL! I know some parts are missing, but hey, I'm pretty satisfied with the results!

Boy am I talented. *smug*

Here's a view of it with more of the room ...






So pretty! I like it. NO ONE SUPPOSED TO INSULT IT! Or I curse you, may all your eyebrows be singed by a mad arsonist tomorrow.

p/s: I realised I've left out some Abbie pics and added them on. Scroll down!! Very cute!

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2005-03-01

Classics

Woot! You'd possibly have noticed the "Classics" box on the right, which I've chosen some of the more prominent blog entries.

I'm only judging by the reaction I've gathered from blogders, and maybe some personal preference. What do you guys think ought to be there, and what should not be? Tell me, and I'd change it accordingly. Cheers!!

Wendy

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My newest obsession


Wonder why everyone's looking at me?

"Mmmm bhmmm" (May be my cheeks?)
Yes?

Her parents just trimmed her eyelashes to enhance its future growth, so it's a pity you didn't see her eyes in full glory. She has double eyelids!



Oh no the thighs! Haha!

Yawn...

Hmmm? (Shuyin's uncle behind)

Look at the small hand!

Heehee! She smiles!

oooh!! She holds my finger~!


Sooooooooooo cute! It's a pity the photos are so grainy and dim, coz baby pics cannot be taken with flash (supposed to be bad for the eyes I think?), and I had to jack up the contrast. Really, the photos don't do her justice -- it is not reflecting her downy curls, her flushed rosy cheeks and most of all a lack of the 3rd dimension which make all that cuteness more realistic. Ha ha... Lousy camera. I have a mind to smash it.

Oops I forgot to introduce her! Her name is Abigail, Shuyin's cousin's baby (which means it is SY's niece). Very adorable right? Around 4 months old. Shuyin kept haolianing her pictures around until I buay tahan and keep pestering her to let me see Abbie. In the end she had to give in (think it was when I was pulling her hair)! Ha!

p/s: I am really apprehensive about allowing comments. Because no matter what, there would be mean people around.

I don't mind mean comments about me, but I hate it when people are rude to my friends. They are innocent parties, and you don't know them, so please think of their feelings ok? Please don't say mean things about Abbie - she is only a baby and never harmed anyone (except being so cute everyone's addicted to her) - nor Shuyin, nor the baby's parents who were kind enough to let me see her (realise it is pretty awkward to just pop by their place like that). It is not nice if they open this page and see mean stuff about their bundle of joy. You wouldn't like anyone saying anything bad about your baby if you had one, would you?

People tell me I shouldn't delete comments, but I will. I will delete anything that hurts my friends' feelings.

Thank you for your time, sorry for the sermons, and do moan about how cute she is now! Wahahhaha.

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