As you can see, I am a self-proclaimed celebrity. Ahem. From this moment onwards, I will no longer be a self-proclaimed one, because I now have the one thing which all celebrities have:
Their very own biography page/fan site!
How cool is that?
Ok lah, I was damn boh liao so I did it for fun, copying Fann Wong's and Jolin Tsai's formats.
Little did I know I have so much things to write. Go and create your own also, then you will be an instant celebrity!
Have fun. CLICK!
As you can see, I am a self-proclaimed celebrity. Ahem. From this moment onwards, I will no longer be a self-proclaimed one, because I now have the one thing which all celebrities have:
I just got back from Club Momo with Kelvin, Ann and Kel's friends.... Sibeh tired. His friends are very cute, of one them kena engineering for Singapore Sewage for his internship, then his job is literally full of shit! WAHAHAHA! I am very amused.
He say got this big tank, it is 2 metres high and full of "brown colour things lah" ("Huh, can see the shit and all that ah?!" "I don't know lah, I NEVER GO AND SEE!") and he wears a gas mark with a full body suit to work.
Damn funny, where got people take engineering course then really so suay kena this kinda job one?! WHAAHHA...
So anyway, those who know me a little better might be laughing at the CLUB MOMO thing. When I first found out that there was a club called Momo, I kept laughing my head off, coz Momo is what I call my mom!!
Me: MOMO! I am going out! Kelvin say he introduce cute guys to me!!!
Momo: Where are you going? Please don't be so desperate hor!
Me: I am going to Momo!
Momo: Don't be rude.
Me: Really! The club is called Momo!
Momo: Really ah?
Sibeh funny lah! Momo used to be very angry whenever I call her Momo, coz she say that's not her name and she doesn't like it. Now she accepts it, and even gets upset that a club copies her name! =)
I love my Momo.
On a completely irrelevant note, I've learnt how to spin the hoola hoop infinitely, and I think that renders me a very sexy person indeed. However, while I spin I realise that I will be facing a completely opposite direction after 2 minutes. =(
Smelly, who mastered the hoop a few days before I did (Momo bought the hoop in hope of a slimmer waist but never mastered it... kua kua kua), said that I am lousy.
When I asked him why he say that, he proudly proclaimed that he can dance to She Bangs while hoolahooping. WTF? Why my brother so gay? I told him to show me, and I wanted to video tape to show you all, but he saw through my plans and ran inside Momo's room to hide and promptly fell asleep.
Cloudy (my dog) is very stupid. When I was still learning how to spin the hoop, he would come near me, underneath the hoop, to kpo and see what is that shimmery purple thing I am spinning (or attempting to spin).
He would wag his tail and stare up at me enquiringly. Rather cute, actually.
I tried to kick him away, but I know it will make me drop the hoop, so I can only endure his mocking face. I'm sure he thinks that he can spin better.
Being amateur with the hoop then, the hoop constantly drops onto Cloudy, whereby he would yelp in shock that a shimmery purple thing can suddenly fall on him, and go hide underneath the computer table, bullied by the big bad hoola hoop.
Again and again he does this. -_- My friends are right, Cloudy is indeed very stupid.
More blogging tomorrow, complete with ministers' (plural, mind you) photos. I am so tireeeeeeeed!
Who are you to force me to take your advice and tell me how I should blog?
There is no un-arrogant way to go about this, but I have to say it... I've been blogging since April 2003. I am the one winning several blogging awards, not you.
I am not trying to be hao lian, I am only being honest here.
Don't you think, trying to teach me the correct ways of blogging is akin to teaching dumbledore(excellent site for fans!) how to cast a spell?
Not that I am as old, funny or intelligent as he is lah, but I will take Andrew Sullivan's advice on how to blog... I will take Maddox's. I will take Mrbrown's.
But who are you?
Anyone can give advice, yes, and I agree that sometimes ... pang guan zhe qing. I will of course listen to people telling me their opinions, or telling me what kinda of blog entries are generally more well-received and so on. I know that there are many smarter people around me who are concerned and give me their feedback, and I appreciate that a lot. I thank you all for kind reminders...
But what about self-righteous pompous fools?
There are many rude (and apparently stupid) people who try to force blogging advice down my throat, like they know any better.
Let me ask you this question: Who are you to attempt to teach Xiaxue how to blog?
Before you give someone advice, do you not think of whether you are an expert in your field? Do you teach Brad Pitt to act? Do you tell Mariah Carey how to sing properly? Do you demand that Lao Lee should govern the country with your methods?
You can tell these people they are not doing a good job and how they can improve yes, but you are not qualified to teach, demand or instruct them to do anything, for they are have proven themselves to be far better in their various fields than you ever can be.
Well, do you even have a BLOG??
If you are good enough to be advising people at this blogging shit, why are you not the one being recognised for your blog?
One reader once emailed to me, telling me that my style of writing sucks, and I should follow her style of writing.
I told her, "No thank you, if I followed your style my blog will be as disgustingly mediocre as yours."
She also gave dire warnings that should I change, (YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME XIAXUE!) I will soon lose all my readers, blah blah. Alas, I lost all my mails or I can copy her mail here.
I told her - One day, when you become as accomplished as me in the blogosphere, then I will listen to you! But unfortunately when that day comes, I will be like super accomplished, so I guess I still won't listen.
She never replied.
So my point being: Stupid people, please stop teaching me how to blog. Why should I listen to you? You show me that first.
p/s: Stupid people will still take this post as absurd arrogance on my part. Smart people will know that I only mean not to take ill-mannered advice from losers who are in no position to teach anyone anything. So fuck those stupid people, I don't give a shit what they think.
Very happy! But I cannot tell you why. X) See my face? It is the happy-until-constipated look.
WAHAHAHHA!! I am a shalala happy bird! So many good things are happening to me! Many many! Okok... I've also gotten many companies approach me recently and it means I will be RICH WOOHOO $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A LOT OF $$$$$$$$
I also started this private blog a few days ago, and I love writing in it. It is really sad that I have to mask everything here. My English is really lousy on the new blog, I don't give a shit about offending anyone, I can say all the vulgarities I want, and I don't even have to punctuate if I don't want to!
Best is I can insult the world and nobody will scold me, yay!
I read the site, and, having given the address to a few close friends, and they all agreed that it is so much better than my writing here. Sigh. So I shall try to be a bit more natural here. The best way is to actually stop having comments, because reading the comments upset me, especially when people ACCUSE me. BAH!
Hiyah, you don't try to kpo ok? As I said, the new blog is not only password protected, it is also anonymous and all my friends' names are changed. =D
I like it!
I like everything today! It is all good! As I am writing this, the weather outside is rainy! I love rain! But I only love rain because it waters the poor farmers' crops and gives them life. JUST KIDDING! WHO CARES ABOUT FARMERS?! Me like rain coz I don't have a fucking aircon remember?
I wish it would rain whenever I am sleeping, and have super strong sun whenever I feel like sun tanning. Sigh... Tan is fading off... NOT EILEEN TAN LAH YOU STUPID, tan as in opposite of fair! BOM! SUMMON SUN!!!
Recently, I have been using this sentence a lot, on this particular person whom everyone is saying is very pretty and all, but I FIND HER VERY PLAIN INDEED!
So, everytime I hear ... "GirlA is very pretty right?" I take out a sliver of cow liver out of my pocket** and slap the person around a bit with the liver sliver until he chokes. And then I trottle him with a periodic table.
**I put it there just in case I hear that sentence
JUST JOKING LAH. I am not so violent! I am a kind-hearted girl. As I was saying, due to the frequency in which I hear "GirlA is very pretty right?" I came up with a saying to retort that.
I think it is very funny. When I do say it to you, you must laugh ok?
"She is so plain, if she were a waffle people will attempt to put kaya on her!!!"
WAHAHHAHAHAHA! FUNNY NOT? I think it is sibeh FUNNY CAN?? Wah, cannot stand it. I think I am Charlie Chaplin reincarnated, I am so hilarious, only colour version, of course. And no funny mustache.
Ok,I can imagine people like Wong and Wanyi (OMG, WANYI'S SURNAME ALSO WONG!) rolling their eyes coz I kept saying that sentence recently (due to the fact that I think it is very funny).
So anyway, I am very happy today, did I already say that? I DID, I DID! But I am bubububursting with happiness! I imagine, if I were to be a mood, I would be happy! I imagine, if I were to be a colour, I will be sunburst yellow!
If I were to be a carebear, I will be Gloomy bear - JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE THE HAPPY BEAR!
If I were to be a few letters on the keyboard, I will be H A P and Y!
If I were to be a person, I will be me!
My friend told me that he is appalled by TT Durai's pay and he thinks that Durai quitted because he damn paiseh to announce to the world that his pay is so low. My friend also tripled his donations to NKF after the incident, and demanded that they pay T.T more money!
Kinda weird to be blogging this out when I am so happy, since it is actually quite an angry incident.
WAH! I AM SO HAPPY!!! *hugs the whole internet world* I hug Xialanxue and my haters and even my hacker muacks!!! I am a happy girl! Pardon me for a while, I have to jump up and down in joy while squealing all the time!
Shit, my neighbour upstairs threw a soiled diaper into my room. I poke him with a broomstick!
Okok I ask you this - it has been a question I've been thinking about since ages ago:
You have a guy friend (Guy) and you have a female friend (Girl). Guy and Girl are both very close friends to you.
Guy drives, Girl does not.
One day, Guy say that he is interested in Girl, and you arrange for them both to meet up in a group outing with you.
Guy drives you (and you are female) and Girl around, but Guy and Girl are still barely friends right? So of course, you sit in the front seat, Girl sits at the back.
Later on, Guy and Girl get along among themselves, and they start to contact each other and all. Guy likes Girl. He is chasing her.
Herein lies the problem: The next time there is a group outing, who sits at the back seat?
ME!!! KNNBCCB, I always kena pushed to the back seat, why? *mumble grumble* It is not so much so of the front or back seat, it is the relationship it symbolises!
Ok, I cannot blog that out angrily enough because...
I AM VERY HAPPY WHAT!
I hope nothing spoils my mood! I shall go sleep now, and friends, you can check out the private blog to see what happened!
WOOT!!! If I knew how to yodel, I will yodel at the top of my voice!
YODEL LEI YODEL LEI!!!
Repeat title 10 times, complete with a mambo jigg!
Warning: Super long blog entry with a blow-by-blow account of what happened!
A big big thank you HUG FOR EVERYONE WHO TRIED TO HELP ME! I don't care if you skinny or fat, sweaty or clean, female or male! I hug everyone! MUACKS! I am sorry if I was unable to reply some of your kind emails, but I was overwhelmed with all that's happening, and the mails were simply too many to reply.
To the people who say I have this coming, I would like to fart in your face! POOOT! Smelly not? I hope it is. I know it's really childish, but I cannot resist this. Stupid people are all around!
Since what goes around comes around you say...
I must be a really nice person! I HAVE EXTREMELY GOOD KARMA! See what I told you? Buy Good-Karma tissues, it works! Amazing, really, the good luck that I had.. you would think I drank Felix Felicis.
This is a more detailed (and funnier) account of what happened.
At around 430am, my IE wasn't working, so I used Mozilla to log into my Gmail. I clicked on the link and was immediately logged in. To my surprise, I only had 2 emails inside, both unread.
I thought, siao liao, must be this stupid Gmail cock up. I laughed. I really laughed, because my gmail account looks so stupid with only 2 mails in them. I refreshed the page; Gmail logged me out.
Still smiling a bit, I tried to log in, but obviously cannot.
My heart going 'pong pong pong' (just like the sound that SKII girl makes), I clicked on "forgot your password?" and Gmail said they will send a mail to my secondary email, which I have no fucking idea what it is.
Already, I was close to tears because I knew that the 2 emails I saw was because the rest were deleted.
Hyperventilating, I clicked onto Blogger.com, expecting, hoping, that the site will load up.
KNN! Was logged out.
I started to break out in cold sweat, which is no mean feat in the non-airconditioned room that I stay in.
Fingers trembling, I tried once, twice, thrice to log into blogger, and I cannot.
I clicked on Blogger's "forgot your password?" was forced into tears, because blogger sends the password to my gmail account! FUCK!
Next: xiaxue.blogspot.com - When I saw the white background load, a small part of me died. The small part belongs to somewhere along the length of my legs, which explains why I am so short.
And then I broke down completely.
I called Turodrique (with some difficulty mine you, as fingers weren't really working), because he is always so rational... Phone off.
Called Kenny, yes, in Malaysia. Apparently he sleeping.
Called Shuyin... A GOD-INDUCED MIRACLE! She picked up! I blabbled incoherently, while she gave sympathetic notes and asked me questions.
This is the mark of a true friend. Instead of going back to sleep, she stayed awake with me, talking on MSN and helping me check facts and refreshing the hacked site to read the comments for clues, all the way till morning.
Meanwhile, I was feeling more and more helpless by the minute. It all seemed very bleak! I didn't receive any emails from Gmail to my other email accounts, and to get back your email without going through the secondary email you must answer a few questions.
Besides the usual location, name etc, Gmail also asked these very ridiculous questions to verify I am me.
- What's your security question?
- When did u start using Gmail?
- What's the URL on your gmail invite?
LIKE WTF?? I mean seriously, got so many security questions, how I know it's which one? Can be "What is your ugliest pet?" or "Who's your daddy?!" right? Wah rau! And when did I start using gmail?
CAN YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU STARTED USING UR EMAIL ACCOUNT? AND WHAT URL? WHAT RUBBISH ARE THEY ASKING?
Gmail said that if questions are unanswered they might not be able to give me my account back. I was quite horrified at this.
They said that I can try clicking on the 'forgot password' thing after five days, and get back my account by answering my own security question.
HELLO, YOU STUPID OR WHAT, THE HACKER CAN CHANGE THE SECURITY QUESTION RIGHT?!?
In a flurry of blind panic, I emailed both Gmail Support (a machine that doesn't work) and also Blogger Support... As a last resort, I even added BloggerBuzz as well as Biz Stone himself.
If you are interested, this was my email:
Hi you guys,
I am xiaxue, or Wendy Cheng, also known as the author of xiaxue.blogspot.com. My website is the Best Asian Blog 2004 and 2005 (www.bloggies.com). I've been featured on bloggerbuzz once as I am the first blogger to get a t-shirt endorsement deal.
Here's the article: http://buzz.blogger.com/2005/03/ambassador-xiaxue.html
My website, very unfortunately for me, as been hacked. If you care to look into xiaxue.blogspot.com, you can see what happened to it.
Very stupidly of me, my email account, which was firstname.lastname@example.org, has been hacked into as well.
I need to wait for gmail's confirmation to get back my gmail account, as for some reason it didn't send the password to my secondary email address. Therefore, unable to retrieve my blogger password from my email, I cannot log in.
I am pleading for help here. Can blogger help to recover my files, can it return me my password?
If you guys don't believe it is me, can I do anything, anything at all to verify myself? Call me! I'll even show you my id card. Anything! Because I am the real xiaxue! My livelihood is through my blog now, and it is so very very important to me. 2 years of hard work!!! I blogged so much, and it's all gone!
I hope blogger can help me with this. Despite having a readership of 10,000 a day and having many blogging platforms approach me, I stuck to using blogger and many people have followed suit.
If blogger cannot give me the account, then can it at least.... to the very least...make sure no one takes the username xiaxue until I get my account back? Which I most definitely will, once I get my gmail account back!
Biz, I am writing this email to you too, because I know you once left a comment on my blog, saying you like the blog.
I really hope you guys can help me.
Obviously the email was written in a state of hysterics. I cannot even begin to think properly.
The reason why the email to them sounded so arrogant and so eager to prove who I am is because I am scared that they ignore me. Blogger, which is owned by Google, is a really big American company with millions of blogs under their name. I am merely one of those many, I'm sure, who got hacked the day before.
That's why I stressed so much that my blog is an established one, hoping they will at least take notice. It was a last resort that I used.
I emailed myself on my xiaxue gmail account, pleading with the hacker to return me me blog. God, I sounded so pathetic.
He never read these mails...
Time passed, and the tears stopped. I have resigned to the fact that the blog is gone.
I took heart that I have saved my entries till May 2005, and I was determined to do up the site again, even if I had to put into entry by entry and re-uploading all my photos.
It was 730am, and I decided there is nothing more I can do, so I off-ed the computer. Minutes later, I realised my MSN password is the same as my gmail's!
I hastily turned on again, agitated that the hacker is causing me so much trouble.
Out of habit, I clicked on IE, and out of a very lucky habit again, I clicked on Gmail, which was on my favourites.
VOILA! I got in!
I sat there and I couldn't believe my good luck. This time, I didn't gong gong go and refresh the page, but hastily set a new password. With this, I got back my blogger account again, but all the blogs were gone, except for xiaxue.blogspot.com, which was horribly tainted.
REJOICE!!! I have gotten back everything that belongs to me! Well except the blogs and 3,000 emails, all deleted.
Brown cow called me, and gave me grandfatherly advice on choosing passwords properly. Thanks also James, for helping though you were in Japan, and you too Daryl and TT! My fellow Tomorrow editors are SWELL! I never felt so cared for by a team of IT experts!
I couldn't sleep, so I checked my other mails again (to see if anyone responded). I was doubtful that Gmail or Blogger replied, BUT Holy Mayonnaise! Biz Stone himself replied! Within 2 hours!
I couldn't believe my eyes:
I peed in my Pjs in joy, and Cloudy (my cute dog), who was sleeping underneath my chair, looked up quizzically at the sudden wetness.
It was then that I had a clear look at the Cloud...I realised, he didn't look like the usual fair and white Cloudy... He looked:
I wonder what this means. It is clearly symbolic of something!
Never mind, I still hugged the newly dark Cloud and skipped around the room in joy!
I got Biz Stone helping me! NOW WHO CAN BULLY ME, HUH, WHO?!
I got to sleep at 11am, Momo being extra nice to me (she was very worried too), and dream fretfully of shipping ridiculously expensive presents over to the US for Biz and the rest of the Blogger team, like Graham and John P. For the next two days, I didn't off my computer.
Holy shit, I slept for 2 hours and reporters were calling in from Today, ST and Newpaper!! Wah lau.
Rest of the day was spent taking photos for the newspapers and getting interviewed. Kinda felt good coz I can abuse the culprit - the reporters were only too glad too listen! Yay!
Apparently, my ST article was supposed to be on front page. I didn't even know the magnitude of the event! When I arrived at the very big SPH, I saw, at the hotel-like lobby, a serious-looking LED black screen with a scrolling marquee of red words, reciting the headline news of the day.
It was grandly situated above the receptionists' heads, alerting the world of important events unfolding as we read it here first.
What stock is dropping, Bloomberg this, reuters that, terrorists and accidents.
AND THEN I SAW IT:
HACKER DELETES ALL OF XIAXUE'S BLOG ENTRIES
Happily scrolling at the severe LED screen, as if it was worthy. MY NAME LEH (albeit a fake one), among others like Bush and our dear Mr Mah Bow Tan! I AM NOT WORTHY!!
I waited for a while to get the shot, waiting for the headlines to scroll back again, but all was black. The receptionist told me that the one I saw was the last time the headlines rolled for the day - it stops at 545 sharp.
GOT SO SUAY OR NOT YOU TELL ME? THAT I HAPPEN TO SEE IT FOR THE LAST TIME? Nonetheless:
You can ownself imagine lah hor.
Next day, articles:
And... Dare I show it?
Courtesy of ST
I look fucking fat can? We took so many photos, and many were not fat lor! They had to catch me when I was not sucking in, and obviously that stupid pose the tummy will drop to the side right. Chee...ken mcnugget.
Yeah lah, you are saying if I know I am fat then I don't wear like that lah! But hor, Newpaper wanted to do any article on sexy females, then they asked me to wear sexier what! How I know stupid ST also wanted a photoshoot that day?
I took photos in another red dress (very nice one, you will see on Sunday Newpaper!!) but ST HAD to choose this fugly one.
I think ST is out to sabo me. Throughout the article, I don't see the link to my webpage.
I don't know if this is delibrate, but WHAT IS THE POINT OF TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT A SITE IF YOU DON'T LINK THE SITE? A bit stupid right?
A bit of photoshop would have salvaged the photo, but did they bother? NO. Jerks!
Alas. London got bombed, so the article got pushed to page 16 instead of cover. My condolences to those affected, but that's another entry altogether.
The police report:
Smell accompanied me to the local police station to file a report. Him, covering himself with my fat article.
Together we can fight Crime!
Wah, our president looking down upon us, bestowing his infinite wisdom and sense of justice. Criminals see liao also scared.
While I give my report, Smelly (he is not really smelly by the way) reads the article for the first time...
"I look very fat in that photo hor?"
"You have always been fat what, since when you got thin before?"
"Wah lau you."
"Yeah lah, who ask you go wear like that... So fat still dare to wear like that."
And he pinches me on my side tummy and laughed. The policeman kindly lent me his baton and I whacked Smelly's head with it. He cried.
Smelly and I found this postcard, it is very funny!
I like the beng at the right leh! Don't you think his expression is damn realistic? And he really looks beng! So funny! The little boy at the back looks like a xiao gin nah.
(As we were very bored with the cop taking such a long time,) Smell said that the guy in the middle looks like he is very shocked.
I said, No, he looks like he is standing up to want to fight!
I imitated getting out of my chair suddenly with a shout of "NOT HAPPY AH?!" and I scared my friendly neighbourhood police. He stared at me.
Smell had a look at the postcard, and had at look at my article, and he said,
"JIE! Your black face looks like one of them leh!"
I have to say I thoroughly agree.
Later, after a lot of scrutiny at the photo, we also discovered something...
Atas bengs! Hahhahah lousy producer!
Ok now for the real thing! Check out the police report... It is actually damn funny coz the cop's grammar is... Here's a feast for those of you who say mine is bad!
Click to enlarge
Funny not? Hahaha...
Now I'm waiting for blogger and gmail's responses. You die, fucker! I'll get you if it's the last thing I do!
Ok this is a super long blog entry... I've got to go out soon, so i'll write just a bit more...
Analysing what the hacker did, I do not think he really hates me (how can he hate me when he doesnt even know me?) but was in for some fun (though it was malicious and at my expense) and attention.
How do I know? Because he could have done a lot worse if he sincerely disliked me to the core. Well, either that or he is really stupid.
Imagine the harm done should he publish all my private emails? Imagine if he didn't delete the blog, but mimicked a real blog entry that said I am closing down the site (to make me lose readers)?
But no. His actions were symbolic of a frisky teen who managed to get into an account of a famous person (I am famous coz I was on the ST scrolling marquee!), and rubbing his hands in glee.
Without thinking, he did what he thought was the most damaging: Deleting my mails and blogs.
He also, childishly, changed my gmail name to Mr Tan Kok Wan, and urged people to give him attention by allowing comments on my blog - even to the extent of writing such a childish blog entry.
He tried to cause me trauma by losing all my stuff. He tried to kill the online personality Xiaxue...
But what he did achieve in the end:
- That I emerge stronger than before
- He made me realise I have so many readers who care for me, and
- So many real-life friends who will be there for me
- Blogger will always be there for their consumers - me included, so I can rest assured.
- My blog is back, exactly the same before he tainted it
- Publicity from various newspapers, priceless. Readership is up to 15,000 a day now, unique visitors - and some new readers are bound to like me.
- Best of all, he himself being in jeopardy of going to jail for his mischief.
So now, the only thing that happened which is bad, is that my mails are all gone. Which is kinda ok, alot of junk inside anyway. =)
Last bit: There has been a lot of Anti-Xiaxue sentiments going on recently, and it kinda irks me because I feel that a lot of readers, from reading their comments, don't even know what is going on.
They simply jump onto the bandwagon and decide they don't like me, without substantial reasons.
For example, I read somewhere that someone thinks I deserve, and should have expected to be hacked because
1) I don't give up my seat to pregnant ladies
2) I was mean to taxi-snatching girl
3) I was mean to SPG and her fans surely took revenge.
OK let me explain myself once and for all.
1) I do give up seats to everyone who is needy. Please read that old, old article properly before accusing me - I am sick of explaining myself.
2) Cab-girl snatched my cab, and when online to a forum to say mean things about me, and these were FALSE mean things. She started it, geddit? I merely defended myself. What's wrong with that? Don't tell me you will swallow it if people accuse you like that.
3) I am sick sick sick of the SPG thing. I believe people who get themselves agitated over the SPG issue are in actual fact, non-readers of Izzy.
Those who read Izzy's blog, and sincerely appreciate it, I believe, are educated and mature individuals - not the slimeballs that talk so much. How do I know? Because she WRITES most of the time, and not just strip. Her prose is far too... dare I say that word again, cheam, for these stupid empty vessels who have so much to say.
Furthermore, readers of Izzy will realise that she herself is not upset over what I wrote - on both occasions no less.
I will say this in a very big font lest you miss it:
I AM OK WITH IT, SHE IS OK WITH IT, WHO ARE YOU TO TALK SO MUCH?
Well, that's all I have to say regarding my haters. Stop jumping on to the bandwagon like that, and do not assume what you read from other people's blogs (about me) are indeed true. Take some time, read through my archives - if you still find me so loathesome, go ahead and dislike me.
I am not that bad, really. I do think I am a nice girl - just a little more frank and hot-headed than any other girl on the streets - but essentially the same.
AND KENNY AND I ARE STILL GOOD FRIENDS, THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN! We've talked things out, and I believe this has made us understand each other a little better. =)
Last but not least - I'm super late - I'm on Class95's blind dates!
How cool is that? Well, ignore that very arrogant little description of myself, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. =)
If you want to have a fully paid dinner with me (shiok, they will book the whole place!), please write in to join. I am really not that scary in real life, I promise. Just a wee bit bitchier than most girls maybe... But I am definitely interesting and I think, quite funny. Hahaha...
And also, I will not blog about you if you don't allow me to.
Tata! I'm going out for dinner, and I'm in a mighty good mood! I hope you are too!
Bigger, better, and stronger. The full story in a while, and meanwhile, I think the hacked blog deserves a domain name by itself. =)
Thank you everyone, the hundreds who wrote such nice things to me. I love you ALL!!!!!
I don't know, but since when has it become OK to flash parts of your body around? It is right for the teenage girls reading blogs to think that flashing their breasts can bring them instant fame? Should breasts, the life-giving body parts that babies suckle life of out, be taken as a tools for attention whoring, for making lecherous men look at you?
It is one thing for a young, and maybe naive girl to behave as if her body is a cheap attention grabbing tool. Maybe she has not experienced life enough, maybe she has not thought this through.
But it is another for males surrounding the girl to wolf-whistle, to encourage her to take off more clothes!
For what? For YOUR OWN FUCKING PLEASURE. For you want to wank to her breasts, you want that nice feeling when your own selfish penis hardens. So you can imagine her in the dark room of yours, rubbing yourselves against bolsters, thinking of her as a sex object, lips around your member. Did you treat her as a human with feelings, or just an empty vagina for you to plunge your penis into?
You selfish bastards. If she were your younger sister, or your girlfriend, would you do the same and encourage her to keep stripping for free? Tell me in the face YES, and I accept your excuse that it is for "art". Art my ass.
Pigs. Men. I look down on all of you there.
Why do I not see guys saying that her behaviour is something shameless and cheap? I would have respected the solitary guy that told the facts as clearly as the emperor is naked. It is. It is no glorious act to peel off your straps in a room, press your breasts against an attached man, and allow the world to take photos. I do not think it is the right behaviour, but why isn't anyone agreeing with me? What are your breasts, a blonde joke to make everyone's head swivel to your direction?
It isn't art, certainly. It isn't fun. It isn't funny either.
This is just my personal opinion. A body is given by, depending on what you believe in, God or your parents. It is nurtured with love, and it totally up to you what you want to do it.
Do you want to use your flesh for money? Or would you keep it for those who loves you, or you love back? Maybe you like the pleasure it gives you when you indulge in certain activities...
But eventually one thing is clear: If you cheapen your body to that kind of extent, no one will find it valuable anymore. If that is fine with you, so be it. Play it smart I suppose. Many people are sluts, but why announce it to the world?
Being 'comfortable' with your body doesn't mean you can anyhow take off your clothes and shove your breasts into people's chests in glaring public. YOU are comfortable being naked, but that is no reason for peeling off garments, is it? Others around may not be comfortable. There are women, underage teens, and even kids running around.
And yet, people are applauding. The "lucky" man makes use of this golden photo for more publicity, neglecting the fact that this might once again go on newspapers and the young girl's parents are unhappy enough as it is. It is sick to me, just sick.
Nudity is ok in your personal space, you can say people who see the photos came in themselves. Nude photos can PASSABLY be called art. But flashing... That's where I draw my line. I think it is crude, tasteless, and not to mention a cheap stab at getting attention.
Nice try, but not bombastic enough: Why not spread your legs, hold them up tightly behind your ears, and let everyone have a clear look at your genitals? If they want, they also can insert foreign objects inside. And feel free to blog about it!
I am not banking on anything here - and I am not saying what caused me to write this. This is just my two cents worth. I am truly affected and upset by what blogs represent nowadays.
Xiaxue, lighten up! you people exclaim. No I wouldn't. I am appalled. I remember when I was working for a make-up counter, this transvestite with fake D-cup boobs was wearing a sheer silk top that her nipples showed only too clearly.
She squeezed her tits in front of June and I, in public, and announced that they feel itchy. She continued doing some obscene actions with her breasts, to get the attention of this guy she liked, who was looking on nearby.
While it was in jest, I found it pretty insulting that she (by she I mean him) put the female body parts to such use, which don't even belong to her in the first place.
I then told June, only trannies will do that to their 'breasts', because they don't know the humility, modesty and graciousness that only comes with years of protecting and covering a body part that not only feeds your child in future, but has been protected from prying, lewd male eyes for so long.
I think I may be wrong.
I would just like to give my teenage female readers a few words of advice, that is if you girls care about what I say. Flashing your breasts wouldn't make you a unique, or as so many idiots described, BRAVE (I find it so ludicrous I almost cried. In the past, bravery is when you fight dragons. Nowadays, you just flash a boob and you are so FUCKING brave) person. You are just one of the many who tried using that method; you are nothing special. Try something new please.
I don't care if I have contradicted myself N times. I don't care if I also affect kids to write vulgar language from my blog. That is not the issue today. I don't give a shit whether you say I am jealous, which I am not. I don't think I'm being malicious - it is the act of flashing, and more importantly, THE ABSURD APPROVAL SOMETHING AS WRONG AS THAT GETS FROM THE PUBLIC, that I am concerned about.
I shall blog this out and no one can stop me...
For I, for one, would not like to see my future daughter behaving in this manner.
I do not think it is ok, and I will not advocate this behaviour.
I can't blog... The whole magical world is mourning the death of a particular wizard. I cannot stand it. My eyes are swollen. I don't believe he is dead. He isn't. He'll come back, like stupid Gandalf. Rowlings cannot make him die, for her readers all die along with him. For 6 years! 6 years I've known him and ROWLINGS CANNOT JUST KILL HIM LIKE THAT! You'll see! In one year's time. You'll see I'm correct!!
I suppose you please don't read the comments if you don't want spoilers. Meanwhile, I have to say the books is fabulous. Fuck it, I shall blog. No spoilers.
I think book 6 is good, much better than 5! Harry Potter is no longer the moody, irritating prat he was in book 5. Although he is still rude at times, even to Dumbledore (which I totally disapprove of him being), he is not longer arrogant and sprouting irresponsible statements like I am the best because I fought Voldemort XX times! Give him a tight slap.
So anyway, there is this scene inside the book, about violent, poorly educated and poor pure-blood wizards living in a destitute house. The pure-bloods thought themselves superior to muggles, but the daughter of the household liked a muggle-born.
Was found out by angry father, etc.
Reminds you of something? TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD! Totally! Where the white family of Bob or Bruce something (I sincerely forgot his name) had his daugther liking a black man (whom, despite being polite and definitely having more class than the white man, was despised by the latter).
I didn't like the love scenes though. But overall, the book was funny (when Hermione got boxed especially) and exciting, but had abrupt, unexplained bits (like Harry's new true love - like huh, since when he likes her?) and was a bit too lovey dovey.
I would have liked Krum to come back, and Neville to fall down more, but don't have leh. Where are the Drumstrang students?
Bye bye, I shall go read it again, and trying to skip the kissing bits. Yuck!
Added later: Ok you know what? I am like the biggest Harry Potter fan there is OK! I am the BIGGEST! I took quizzes, and I got 'em answers all correct a la Hermione standards!
What is Dumbledore's full name? What's Harry's favourite food? What's Aunt Petunia's maiden name? I KNOW EVERYTHING!
Shuyin was at my place that day, and she was reading book one. She casually asked, "What does the word 'prudent' mean?"
I answered her quite wrongly that he meant for one to be polite, but guess what? I can quote her where that word came from, who said it, and during what situation.
(Which, in case you are even vaguely interested, came from Lucius Malfoy, at Burkins and Borkes or whatever that shop is called, to Draco, telling him something like "I have told you many times Draco, it is not wise to appear [I EVEN TOLD SHUYIN GOT ONE DASH THERE!!! But in actual face it is ..., not dash] - prudent - to Harry Potter, for he is our headmaster's favourite.")
Dawn Lee to me
From: Dawn Lee
Date: Jul 15, 2005 10:04 AM
Subject: REVIEWS ON YOUR MAXIM ARTICLE
I would love to hate you and I hate to love you.
First of all, aren’t you glad that you’ve such a wonderful yet notorious medium to say crappy things that affect people’s life and degrade yourself in a way till a lot of women are beginning to hate you as a stranger? They bite you know. Aren’t you afraid that someone will come to you and wrap you in a gunny sack for a good bashing? You whore!
Degrading other women doesn’t make you look somewhere near to glamorous. You are degrading yourself by degrading other people, in some way or another. Writers should portray writing etiquette but not misuse their rights to feed readers with inane remarks.
Anyway, I am writing to you to show my DISCONTENTMENT on your article about flight stewardesses. You can only write that in Maxim, see, I bet you will never have a chance to write in a female magazine. Pleasing men with your form of entertainment will only make the opposite gender resent, you know. (FYI, I wasn’t reading your article, I heard it from my guy friend)
10 reasons why I think that you are just plain jealous of the job:
1) You are TOO short. (can’t get it, bad mouth it!) Right huh? Prove me wrong, Xiaxue. I challenge you to go for SIA interviews, show me that you can at least pass the basic height requirement. Yoohooo… you know what, never in your life you can, right. Teehee.
2) You are TOO fat and over-photo shopped. You know what, your panda eyes look are totally hideous.
3) You have too much hatred and jealousy in you towards others. What you wore was a FAKE red kebaya, dearie. A FAKE red over-sized kebaya and even the old man at Chinatown was mocking at you because you can never wear an authentic one. Ya?
4) You have no poise or grace AT ALL. Foul mouth bastardress.
5) You have no class AT ALL.
6) You are carrying a fake LV bag. What you are carrying is an imitation of a mini monogram Papillion and by the way, Papillion does not come with a long strap. *roll eyes. Shame on you, Xiaxue. Fancy carrying that, dimwit.
7) You are clouded by arrogance. To you, you young and naïve, people around you are “worshipping” you because of what YOU'VE BECOME not who YOU ARE. I see the day when you fall and tear apart with no one by your side, you noe. You smelly cunt.
8) You will not get to fly all around the world in your whole, entire life, mark my words, you pathetic piece of biatch.
9) You actually wear platforms. Yeah, though you are vertically challenged, platforms is a miss for goodness sake.
10) You describe them as just waitresses. Is being a waitress degrading to you? Hallo? Are you saying that a toilet cleaner is a degrading job as well? Do no eat in cafes ya, because waitresses are not bound to be respected and they should just DIE because Xiaxue thinks that they are degrading. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DROP SUCH HURTFUL REMARKS, MISS XIAXUE?
This list could have go on forever. Just my two cents worth. And know what, I really like the whole idea of the gunny sack thing. :)
Oh! *feigns tiredness*
I am so exhausted from preparing for the bloggercon! Although all I have to do is to prepare a logo page and a speech! But god am I tired!
So therefore, can you can kindly do the arguing for me?
CORRECT FALLACIES AND CONTRADICTIONS! Ready? Set?
I'll do mine tonight.
(DO NOT SAY I AM MEAN FOR PUBLISHING HER EMAIL. It is stated, VERY CLEARLY, on the sidebar that I said I might publish it any email sent to me. Therefore, knowing that and not requesting for me to keep her email private, she is asking for it. If she didn't see it, she's a blind stewardess and I'd love to meet her, I've never seen one!)
That T.T looks like a (un)smiley face that Durai might be making whenever you all talk about him?
Everytime I see people discussing seriously on the topic and someone spells T.T I will laugh out loud.
I know...Very bimbotic right?
But oh well... Lighten up people! Maybe more of my views when I come back from Zouk tonight.
And are you coming to the bloggercon this saturday? I'll be there. It's the first blogger conference ever in Singapore, so everyone who's a blogger or blog reader should come!
Shuyin and I are sick of people saying we are ugly. Once and for all, we do know we are indeed drop-dead gorgeous, but we shall pretend we don't know that and show everyone how ugly we can be.
In order to properly convince you, the mission starts, at my place. (Pictures taken the same day Weili's face got REALLY oily)
Isn't she beautiful? HA! Soon she wouldn't be!!
A pink crayon eyeshadow later...
And the artist adds colour:
Please don't tell her how she looks like...
If you noticed carefully, my nostrils have a black lining, and one eyebrow points up and the other points down.
And the mouth: You wouldn't believe who drew it. Shuyin wanted to give me normal lips, but my mom came into the room, looked at Shuyin drawing my lips, snatched the lipliner over and TOOK OVER!
She happily drew the mouth WAY out of line. -_- Got this kinda of mom or not you tell me?!?!??! Like that sabo her own daughter!
Wait, I see Cloudy...
Meanwhile, Shuyin is not happy...
(Yes I see my girdle at the back. So?)
WE ARE SO UGLY!!!!
6 more days, till I get entwined into Harry's magical world again! I can't wait! =)
Mediacorp ah, mediacorp... I know lah... Many aunties like you the best, especially the Channel 8 hor, but hor, WHY YOU GO CRAZY WITH A RETARDS SPREE AH?
Channel 8, I tell you ah... That day, Shuyin told me about Tong Xin Yuan you know? Felicia Chin has a stupid name called Baobei!
I also want to be called baobei by everyone leh, like very fun right? Anyway, I thought she was just dim-witted and benign, thus causing her to be bullied by her horrible sister and mother.
From what Shuyin told me, I realised that she is not just stupid, she is... I'm not trying to be insensitive here, but I think Channel 8 meant for her to be either mentally slow or a bit crazy.
Because, her mother gave her money to buy food right, then she bought only 2 packets of food for her sister and mother, none for herself. They ate, then someone flipped the table or something.
Felicia Chin proceeded to eat from the scraps. Like a true piteous creature, she slobbered all over. I wrinkled my delicate nose at the sight.
I don't think any normal stupid person would do such a ridiculous thing. Her mom did not stop her from buying 3 packets of food, but she had to purposely buy 2 packets and torment herself in this manner.
I therefore logically conclude, Channel 8, that you guys meant for her to be mentally slow (or crazy, in which she is not as seen from later).
Frankly speaking, I am very sick of your shows. When you are not showing cancer/kidney charity shows with that Caoqibye (courtesy of Wanyi) interrupting everyone before they finish speaking (even the revered Zheng Shao Qiu), you are showing cancer/kidney DRAMAS.
As a last option you show family shows, normally oriented around a food-store, be it Nasi Lemak, Fish and Chips, or fishball factories.
I suggest, Channel 8, that your next drama serial will be on Bak Chor Mee. How interesting would that be? Wow! A bak chor mee store! Let me see... This time, we'll make the male lead fall in love with the female lead, and an evil uncle will stop them by raping the male lead and making him confused with his sexuality!
Herein comes the mee: The mother finds out about uncle - male lead incest, and kills them all with really hot spring onions and 3 kg of pork lard.
They die, and are... NO! You guessed wrong! NOT made into meatballs! They are merely buried! Later, the mother and female lead falls in love, and frolic around Siloso beach, where female lead (lightning strikes) finds out about the murder of her former love! She is very angry but she decides to take revenge by having a split personality.
The uncle and male lead's long lost twins appear, and everyone takes them for the deceased. They live happily ever after, selling bak chor mee, a bit poor, but contented.
See, Channel 8? I thought of that plot in a mere 5 minutes! I didn't HAVE to use a retard did I?
BUT YOU? You MUST put a retard into every show meh? SOMETIMES EVEN TWO!
I find it very insulting, Channel 8, that you do such a thing. I feel that you may not have meant it, but you are trying to use these retard roles to gain sympathy for your otherwise worthless dramas.
Please keep in mind there are really people around with down syndrome, and I hardly think their parents will appreciate your PERFECTLY HEALTHY ACTORS DROOLING AND WEARING HIGH-WAIST PANTS, CLAPPING AND GRINNING MANIACALLY.
No seriously, stop it already.
Seeing that you are not about to, I shall go into the spirit as well. Let's choose, among a wide range of Channel 8 nitwits, which you like best! Of course, not all of them are considered retards. Some are crazy, but definitely, all are portrayed in a way that they are below par, mental prowess-wise.
Are you ready?
The godmother of all stupid TV girls is Mo Jing Jing, sister of fat Nasi Lemak stall owner.
Marries a man who gets crippled and takes it out on her, thus becoming the epitome of the perfect wife for all insecure Singaporean men.
Oh, and his husband is also impotent and she is perfectly fine with it because she doesn't know what sex is. Perfect! I can imitate her very well. I hate Mo Jing Jing. She is the pioneer of all the Channel 8 retards.
Mo Jing Jing wannabe. Daughter of fat fishball seller. Also epitome of the perfect wife for insecure, low-income Singaporean men who feel oh-so-threatened by girls who are even slightly smart. These kinda guys are those who frequent dumbass sammyboy sgforums etc and end up repairing people's cars.
Very ironically, she likes retard number 6, who calls her ... well... a mermaid.
Oscar acting at the very least. Nick goes totally into his role of an autistic brother to deceased Christopher Lee, and is taken care of by his girlfriend Fann Wong. He has fun at playgrounds, wears his jeans real high with a tucked in tee, and acts like a down syndrome victim (in which most autistic kids are not supposed to behave like he does).
I find his acting very disturbing, not only because it is so real (he really has that look, doesn't he?), I feel that it pokes fun at down syndrome victims, albeit unintentionally.
Even worse, Fann Wong gets points for being the perfect girl as she takes care of him, giving him bambi eyes and all. In actual fact, I highly doubt she gives a flying fuck and wouldn't even look up from her nails.
Momo says she likes him. An honest, ditsy man he is.
One more fucking time I hear that "Wo bu shi ben dan, wo shi You Fu!" statement I'm gonna slash my wrists.
Shut up You Fu, you are undeniably a ben dan.
Brother to You Fu, Andrew Seow, after acting as a deaf and mute brother to someone in his last show, is now crazy. He thinks he is a doctor and dresses for the part, apparently.
I only watched that one episode of You Fu (which that big-boobed girl acted as shu nu Xiao Yan) and thankfully enough, Andrew Seow didn't appear.
A few more roles like this Andrew, and people will really call you Andrew Siao.
"Wo yao wo de mei ren yu!"
Someone slap that fucker please. Shut up about your stupid fishball-selling-mermaid! Pierre Png, a handsome married man with a splintered liver in real life, is acting cute, everyone! It is ok if girls act all dumb, because guys have huge egos and like wimpy girls. How about a wimpy guy who cannot take care of a family for nuts, yet want to get married?
I wonder if he is going to teach his kids maths.
Oh and by the way I love the Mandarin-speaking Indian boy. He is damn funny can?
Ok, chosen your favourite Mediacorp blockhead? And nothing. Let's just hope MediaCorp stops showing us the dimwits.
I have this nagging feeling, that they are only showing us these people because we can relate to them and it just means that Singaporeans are all ... well... dumbbells.
p/s: Due to the sensitive nature of this blog entry, I will not allow comments (for people will start accusing me of things I didn't say again). However, if you get outraged or something, please do keep in mind that I have all respects for people who are mentally unsound. I have an autistic relative. My issue here is that Channel 8 is using these dimwitted or retarded people as objects for pity and the occasional dramatic issue. Which I think is wrong. Once in a while it might educate us and let us empathise with people like that, but I feel it is becoming excessive. Cheerios
Hello my dear readers... I've got something serious to talk about now. Let's hope I don't spell something ridiculously wrong (disincriminating!) and
embassass embarrass myself.
Being the disgustingly self-centred person I am, I check out websites which are linked to me, to see what these people are saying.
Everyone now and then I see an article insulting me. (By the way, to people who have this very wrong idea that I receive hatemail all the time, I would like to think that I can safely say more people like me than dislike, for the ratio of fan mail to hate mail is 15:1)
Within the comments of that Xiaxue-bashing article, which will no doubt contain some people who slams everyone on the internet, I will see respective mean comments.
The ones that saddens me the most are those that state: "I used to love Xiaxue, but now I dislike her as she is just this commercialised bitch. "
Wait, how does my earning money through the blog affect YOU? Why do you hate me because of that?
My innate reaction:
Singaporeans are plain selfish, some of them anyway. Whenever we see someone different, someone succeeding, we try to strike them down, and try to force the unique back into the cookie cutter crowd.
A pity, and a really sad thing it is.
It has been five months since I was endorsed by Localbrand. How has my endorsement deal changed me?
No, wait. Unless you have read at least half of my archives, don't even answer. You don't know the blog well enough. I know, because I am the writer, that I write the same way I do since day One. Well, except a little less of the private stuff as it now concerns other people's privacy, but otherwise it is the same old Xiaxue.
Stupid people tell me, "Xiaxue, I think you fame has changed you. You are no longer nice. You are a mean person now."
Bah!!! Excuse me, stupid people, but you are not making sense. I shall make this sentence bold: If I wanted to maintain popularity, all the more I would not write mean stuff, because I want people to like me, read my blog, and therefore let me earn more money.
But no. I maintained that mean streak (although I know it's kinda not good, but it's my blog so I'll write anything I like) and still insulted everything. So shut up about me changing. I'm still the same foul-mouthed bitch, except maybe a little prettier coz I have a better camera. =)
About commercialisation - yes, advertisers have been starting to approach me.
I want to be one of the first few people in the world who are able to answer "I am a Blogger!", when asked what my occupation is.
I believe that blogs are dynamic. The era of blogging have just started, and we are only seeing the tip of the humongous iceberg yet. Blogs are, right now, still an untested platform for marketing, and I believe it has a huge potential to take over some traditional media.
I believe, being a good blogger, I can actually make a career out of this.
It may sound ridiculous to you. You may say I am daydreaming. You may sneer at me, and say, "Xiaxue, you can stop talking cock lah, you will never succeed!"
But at least I am trying. =) I am doing something which is my passion, which is in me. I love expressing myself, I love writing, and I love being able to have my opinions heard. I want to make this passion into something great - something different which nobody has done before, just like how I am Singapore's youngest columnist, or I am the first blogger in the world to get an endorsement deal!
Even if I do fail, at most I go back to a 9-5 job, and I will have no regrets.
Look: Kottke makes his living via donations by his readers, and they really do donate to him. When I jokingly asked readers to get me a new camera, they whine and get really offended over nothing. Singaporeans and selfishness! (ok to be fair some really wanted to donate)
Don't get scared. I will not get readers to pay! Why not get advertisers to pay? Even better, no? All you readers have to do is have a look at the products (or not), if you really like it, buy it. If you don't like it, just scroll down for the next blog entry!
I want to succeed in this. I really do.
I know you blogders have always been behind me, and whenever I look back I feel really fortunate to have you guys.
No, really. I am a very lucky girl, because I am able to get empathy from strangers who don't have to give a shit about whether I die. I remember when you people wished me good luck for my Mensa test, my mediacorp interview, gave me kind words whenever I felt down, or cheered me up with trashy poems to make me laugh.
I urge my readers be with me once more on this. I come from a single-parent family, where money is hard to come by. My mom works really hard, and she has to take care of my younger brother who is only 12. When an advertiser asks me if I can provide an ad space for him, do I say no to the extra income?
That doesn't mean I will be a sell-out. I am not an idiot: I know that people read my blog because I have always been very honest with my readers. Check with people who know me - I've never lied about anything on my blog.
Therefore, I know that editorial integrity is the essense of my blog. Without this precious editorial integrity, I will lose all my readers.
Here is my promise to my blog readers: No matter how commercialised this blog is, its contents will stay true, and honest, and stay the same as before.
I know this is a delicate situation, but I've been procrastinating about writing this since Localbrand endorsed me. I don't want anyone to think I'm a sold-out whore, because I wouldn't be.
As I mentioned before, I will ONLY ENDORSE OR ADVERTISE PRODUCTS WHICH I THINK ARE GOOD.
You wouldn't see me advertising churches, you wouldn't see me endorsing cigarettes (though I think f-ing good money can come from there).
I will also clearly state an advertorial if it is paid. It is only fair to my readers. =) But rest assured that even if it's an advertorial, I will remain blatantly honest. If you find that I lied, you can go flame me on forums.
I am almost alone in doing this. Few have made blogging their career before, and please, stay to accompany me through this journey ok? Hold my hand, I'm scared.
=) 3 cheers to my career, and you being part of it.
Discriminating I mean, Incriminating shots (Damn paiseh to have title spelt wrong, thanks for the note!)
That day, at Ivan's birthday chalet, where his friends...
really rubbed toothpaste, deep heat and etc rubbish on his genitals (I was very traumatized at Daryl's lack of taste by touching Ivan's balls), June, her boyfriend Benjamin (Kee, not Loy) and I were playing this game.
It is not so much so of a proper game, we were just supposed to continue, in turn, to come up with something for whatever category we were talking about.
At first we were damn mean; we were talking about C-list celebrities then all the Caroline Chong, Evelyn Tan, Melody Chen all came out.
Benjamin played cheat. He just listed all of Under One Roof's actors... And to think when he said Vernetta Lopez I was so impressed! Then he went on with Koh Chiang Mun, and even the Malay friend of Moses Lim. Pui! I look you no up!
June said I am D-list, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Then we went on celebrities with no boobs... Sammi Cheng, Stephanie Sun, Nicole Ritchie... And then to celebrities with C cup and above... Pamela Anderson, Angelina Jolie, newly endowed Jolin Tsai... a lot of them... And then Benjamin said Lydia Sum! He is damn disgusting!
And then to places where you can put your pi sai (booger). June very disgusting, she said the handlebar of the bus or something, maybe the lift door. Please remind me never to take a bus or lift with her again. *gives June a disgusted look*
The most fun had to be a list of all the old-school things. There are so many!
Hopscotch, five stones, Zero Point
Mama shop ice tubes (for 10c each!)
The colour pencils that we break the lead off to mix with colour to make "love potions"
Seaweed for 10c in school
Pepsi cola one two three
Catching drain fish
Collecting bus tickets to fold into hearts (I had 1,800 of those I gave to some ex)
Catching grasshoppers and breaking off their jumping legs so they can't hop away (my class' boys are damn cruel)
The crayon tube that is formed by many small crayons stacked on each other
Singlets as underwear for girls
and a lot more!
We were playing happily, then Benjamin very gross, he said, "Anyhow urine."
What a naughty boy he was! Did little boys urinate everywhere? I didn't know that! He also said block shopping (stealing people's shoes!), and stealing people's pencil box. So bad right?!
Erm, I remember not too long ago Peiying and I (with some other people but Peiying just has this tendency to hide people's footwear so I cannot remember who else) went to outside this foreign workers' unit at my block.
They had at least 40 pairs of shoes all lined up outside their door.
We took the shoes and formed footprints, leading up four storeys or so. -Shrugs- We thought it was very funny how the people in the house would react! Quite mean hor, come to think of it. But very funny!
So anyway, after I said collecting saga seeds, Benjamin said "Kick the pong pong fruit."
June and I kept laughing and laughing, he is damn funny lah! I mean, the stupid pong pong fruit is there, lying on the grass peacefully, you go and kick it for what?! Hahaha...
So anyway, since we are at the topic of OLD-SCHOOL, I have decided to take out some embarrassing old photos of mine to share with the world.
Yes yes, most of them are very ugly. But you know what? Nobody can laugh AT you when you are laughing at yourself. At most, they laugh WITH you, see?
Let's start... From 1984:
A picture of me disturbing Momo when she is sleeping! Don't you think Momo looks damn cute here? Wahahha... Look at her hair! Damn old-school, it is small curls!
(In case you are wondering why I call my mom Momo, it is because of that darned children's show MaMeMo, so I started calling her Mamemo (she hates it), then slowly it metamorphosized to just Momo, and sometimes Molly. I call my brother Smelly and he calls me Stinky, but now it is just Smell for short.)
Smelly, before he got irritating and started to not do his homework and play soccer downstairs. DAMN CUTE RIGHT?? SO FAT AIYOH. He'd always do that puckering thing to his mouth last time... Damn, I forgot he was so cute. I want to kiss him now but 1) he is sleeping and 2) don't want lah, got pimples already.
In case some of you are wondering, I AM born without double eyelids. I had the triple lining sort, which makes your eyes look droopy. They (double eyelids) suddenly developed after I graduated from Secondary school, when I put make-up on almost daily.
The double eyelids would miraculously appear whenever I put mascara and crimp my lashes. They would then disappear when I wash off the make-up. I would then use desperate measures, like putting eyelid tape (works), or putting glue (yes real glue), to form that sacred line.
After around 1 year, the line became more or less a staple, but disappears whenever I cry.
Now, it is here to stay! Forever! Yay!
Which explains why my old photos all look so fugly - I had super small eyes. And also because I look horrible in short hair and my pimples were DAMN BAD.
1996... I was in primary six! Xingnan Primary School, that is. Together with Xiao feng and Peiying, still close friends today.
This day, the something of December 1996 (as you can see), must be one of the proudest days of Momo's life. There she is, happily snapping away, for she and I were invited to this ceremony.
No normal ceremony, mind you. It was prize-giving for the nation's top 5% for PSLE!! We all got some monetary award.
Look at that elite boy beside me! Doesn't he look like he is brilliant? Likely, he is a doctor now or... erm, maybe a successful blogger. (If you know him tell me what he is doing now!)
Too bad I totally forgot to sit for the GEP test. Damn!
1998 (secondary 2):
Slowly but surely, I developed into a chao lian.
I know, that photo is gross. So? Cannot issit? Who doesn't have a past? Mine was of pointed combs and platform shoes.
I remember when I was taking this series of photos (photographer was my maid then), my motive was as such:
I took a studio shot of myself then, paid a good $30 to do it. It was so fugly, that I got quite mad.
They fucking put PURPLE lipstick on me! They asked if I wanted to purchase fake lashes then, and I of course said no, it cost $12 ok! So well, they slapped blue eyeshadow on me, and didn't even put mascara!
Lousy pokes! Orh-bi they are closed down now.
So yup, in the next photo I would imitate the pose I had for that awful studio shot (cannot find the studio shot or I will show you).
Tadah! Chio not?
And guess what was under that marble table?
Very disgusting indeed.
Maybe some of your retired lians are thinking... Not really very lian what... Only one Fendi hairband...
YOU ARE SO WRONG.
WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT ME?!
SWEET MARY MOTHER OF JESUS! Da lian of da century ok! My belt (Eileen's actually) is Sonia Rykiel ok! (The younger of you will have no idea what Sonia Rykiel is, but then it was a hot lian-must-have then.)
This photo was taken during Talentime '98, in River Valley.
Eileen, Xiuling (who was from Swiss Cottage Secondary School) and I went together.
I recall quarrelling with Mrs Look, our dumpy discipline mistress, because I technically didn't break any rules, and she didn't allow me in.
It was stated that students were not allowed to have: 1) Hot pants (thanks to stupid Fann Wong wearing the lime green ones to Star Awards) 2) Short skirts 3) Spag straps.
My trenchcoat obeyed the rules like the well-behaved piece of garment it is. Lookie insisted that my skirt was short, and I said it is not, and she said I am not allowed entry.
(Looking back I could see why she didn't allow me in)
She couldn't find anything *technically* wrong with Eileen's tight black blouse and black pants, so Eileen was given access.
But Xiuling, who was supposed to be Eileen's sister coz only immediate families were allowed to enter, got exposed as she had to show her IC (with an obviously different surname).
With only one of our trio managing to go in, we decided to skip the whole thing together and go for Bubbletea instead. The camera with Eileen also took the worst photos of the century.
Mark my words:
URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Fat Eileen! With the Fendi hairband she lent me! Think all my lian-products were from her.
I forgot Eileen used to be so plump. Later I will show you her NOW photo.
1999-2000 (Sec 3/4):
When I showed Kenny this photo, his immediate reaction was, "What's up with this photo? Who is this guy?"
GUY? I AM NOT A GUY! Stupid blind Kenny!
I look damn horrible in short hair! This is what happened. I was in River Valley right, where they did not allow females to have long hair. The max we could grow it to was before it reached the collar.
It was in secondary 4 when I decided that since I am not going to EVER have short hair again after I leave RV and its stupid stifling rules, I am going to snip it very courageously short for once.
There the tresses went. I had a crew cut.
And here is the bad result.
Horrible hair and that horrible light blue blouse I always wore because Larry liked blue and I bought it for his viewing pleasures. (My hatred for blue maintained and possibly increased ten-fold because of Larry. I just had a peek into my wardrobe and realised I have like 7 blue tops among hundred of clothes.)
The little girl on my lap is Larry's younger sister. She is quite irritating. I mean, she can be cute lah (but girls being cute to girls just don't appeal), but most of the time she'd cry, plus I was obligated, as girlfriend, to teach her tuition.
I had to pretend I liked her last time. =( IF YOU ARE READING THIS LARRY, I ACTUALLY DON'T! I am still angry with her coz when we broke up I was devastated and I told her to ask Larry to come back to me or something, and I think she refused. Why?! I was nice to her ok! I bought her sweets and stuff! I remember!
Oh btw, Larry is the particular ex-boyfriend of mine, whose current girlfriend threw away my sec 4 diary and thus made me start blogging. Too bad for that hindsight-less bastard. He could have sold that thing for a lot of money now.
All of Xiaxue's innermost secrets for $100! The book that made her start blogging!
When Larry dumped me, I did not understand. I thought I was pretty good-looking, why did he let me go?
NOW I know. It was coz I looked like a boy.
And not any ol' boy, mind you.
Kenny sent me this:
Thank you very much ah, I don't think I look like him. Stupid Kenny even named the photo Wendytao.jpg.
Since some of you don't believe that I was from NCC in secondary school...
Tadah! In case you cannot recognise me, I am the ugly, pimply girl in the middle of the lower row.
How fugly was I man?! My pimples were at their peak performance then. And then I went tanning, and my scars are now all gone. Wonderful, that sun.
2001-2003 (Poly days):
CHECK OUT FAT SHUYIN AND FAT WEILI!!! All my friends were once fat lah! I don't know what he was trying to do in that picture, like trying to come out with some super power. Quite cool ah the effect!
Finally, photographic evidence. You have read about him (and his, erm, wiggly things) in the archives, but Sony Imagestation saved him by cocking up my archive's photos.
Here he is, my ex-boyfriend Jonathan.
I think he very poor thing. There is a cow sitting on his spindly legs!! Oops! The cow is me! Look at that seventies make up! What was I thinking? Damn I was one fatass.
If I saw myself, I'd have slapped myself senseless and hollered: "Pluck those eyebrows girl!"
I can't believe I wore that shimmery glittery pink top to SP. *gasp*
And finally, to all the detractors who say I am fat....
This is the photo of your dreams. So you can mock me all you want, laugh at the fats surrounding my armpits, and even poke my face in your monitor if it makes you happy:
Living proof that chips make you fat.
And now that Eileen has stopped bingeing on her twinkles, she looks splendid.
With a mosaic-ed Xiuling coz I think she wouldn't like this. Of course, Eileen, due to malnutrition, fell down a well and hurt her shin. Just kidding, she was actually abused by her boyfriend. Nah! She scratch mosquito bite? Hiyah I actually don't know why got one scar there lah!
Skinny now ah!? As is Weili and Shuyin hor?
Oh, and me too. =) Definitely not so fat anymore!