2006-02-24

Beautiful eyes

See, I am so nice.

After contemplating for a long time, I decided to share with you all a secret. That's 30% because I am starting to get irritated by girls asking me how to get my eye make up, and 70% because I am just nice in that way.

Speaking of irritating girls, I really dislike girls who ask me this and that on beauty tips, and when I teach them or try it on them, they go all like, Erm, this is too drag queen/artificial/heavy...

WHATEVER. In the first place, don't waste my time to ask me if you are not willing to experiment.

Type 2 girls keep going like, "Wow, your eyelashes are so nice, how do you do it?"

I say they are fake lashes, and usually, girls will reply, "That's great! I wanna do it too, but I don't know how to put it."

What do you mean by you don't know how to put it?! You think I am born with the talent to glue things to my eyelids meh? I also trial and error before I master it what!

Gah... To sum it up: I don't like it when people are unlearning or lazy. Girls, buck up! It is not easy to look your best, and efforts must be put in.

Or don't. That's great, because only with sloppy girls around can girls who make an effort shine, right?

:)

So anyway, because you girls have been asking how I do my eye make up, here it is...

Now don't give me your stupid comments on how you think I did it wrong. I'm not here claiming to be the expert. I'm just answering queries on how I do MY make up. I know my face best so I don't need big mouths teaching me, thank you very much.

If you wanna learn from me, go ahead. If you think it doesn't look good, too bad, I like it. :)

I know I already have a make up entry quite some time ago, but my style of make up have changed quite a bit, so I thought I might do a different one, focusing on eyes. :D

****************************************

Fake lashes.

As time goes by, certain things in fashion change, sometimes caused by certain icons.

Eons ago, small mouths were considered pretty by the Chinese. Zoe Tay changed that.

Flat noses were considered ugly. Fann Wong changed that.

Fake lashes were considered, well, fake, and I suppose the "cheating" element in these synthetic fibres caused girls to feel uncomfortable using them.

What's the difference between mascara-ed like crazy lashes and fake lashes? As long as it is obvious enough it is not natural-born then it's fine, I think. :D

And yes, fake lashes being unsuitable for daily usage. But nowadays, eyelash extensions are so common, and they are so expensive! I don't see how fake lashes are any less unacceptable than eyelash extensions.

I use them (fake lashes) EVERYTIME I go out.

Each lash only costs me $3.90 and they last quite damn long if you take good care of them. I think I saved a hell lot on mascara.

You don't have to curl like crazy, or coat and coat mascara on your poor lashes. The fake lashes are so long, so thick, and immediately add so much depth to your eyes! Shiok!

Here goes!



I found a photo of my original eyes... Quite normal eyes, of course. I think I was laughing madly thus the slanted look. Ha!

But yet, I get compliments from strangers all the time that I have beautiful eyes!

To which I always say, "Oh, they are a lot of effort put in" and smile. Amazing right? Read on.



First step to take will be to put on contact lenses. I prefer coloured ones myself, coz they look more mesmerising, but if you like black you can always use the big-eyed effect ones.

Look how much bigger my eyes look already!

NO, it will NOT be the same if you don't use lens, or use the ordinary transparent ones. Trust me. If you wanna look pretty, might as well go all the way, don't half-fuck around.



Second step draw brows, after putting foundation.



Step 3, put a highlighter colour all over eyelid. Notice how small light-coloured eyeshadow made my eyes look?

That's why I always say, girls who just put one light shade of blue or something over their eyelids are being silly.

Digressing, HAVE YOU SEEN THE STANDARDS OF MAKE UP IN SINGAPORE?

God, it is SO bad.

I mean, most girls just put a bit of pressed powder, slap on an excuse of a light eyeshadow, apply transparent lip gloss, and call it a day, exhausted.

The whole POINT of make up is to make you look prettier, not to bloody add colour to your face. Well ok, that's considered make up too...... for a clown. Unless you are already VERY pretty, there is no point in putting such "light" make up.

Yes, moving on.



Choosing a slightly darker colour, blend into brow bone area.

(As you can see, my normal eyelashes are already quite long and full, but they don't curl much, so I can't be bothered with them, I just use fake lashes)

Yes, I know still looks very ugly... Wait lar!



What a wonderful colour, brown is. Using a dark shade of brown shadow (I recommend you only buy good brands like mac, bobbi brown or anna sui, for the lousy brands like body shop gives no colour whatsoever) and apply like the picture - top and bottom.



Next, crimp lashes! :D If you don't, they will be downturned while your fake lashes are upturned, causing this two pronged look - which is very ugly.



Eyeliner! I use liquid ones myself, and the one in the picture is black. It is important to use liner because the lash line will be black too, and if you don't apply liner your stuck-on lashes will look way obvious.

My fake lashes!


Man, I have SO MANY OF THEM. I think to date I have like 15 pairs, and most of them are from a Korean shop called Dodo club at the basement of Cine. Their lashes are fantastic!

Only $3.90, and it comes in so many styles and a fabulous glue.

I like the criss crossed ones the best! I also have two with silver glitter on the lashes... :D For clubbing!



For our blog entry today I decided to use my shu uemura brown lashes, which are new... As you can see it's not very well trimmed, which kinda explains why the eyes look a bit unbalanced. Grrr



Apply the glue on the back of the lash 'bone' like I did, and carefully stick the lashes to the lash line directly on top of your real lashes.

No, it will not cause your real lashes to drop off if you are careful, and no, if your glue is good it should not drop off during dinner either.

One word of advice though. Try not to stick your lashes too close to the inner parts of your eyes, because it will, for sure, irritate your eyes and make you tear.

If you feel uncomfortable, just peel off the lashes and reapply it again.

The end result:



Now compare that to this:



Pretty good huh? Now apply the rest of your make up and you are all ready to go out. :D




Wanyi: "Wow, you are so good at this make up thing! You should do it full time!"
Me: "Ha! Da cai xiao yong."
Wanyi: "..."


******************************************

Advertorial


Well this post is gonna be all about eyes - and to make them pretty I guess who also need them to not be severely infected. Duh.

I think the idea of ever becoming blind is one of the scariest things that can ever happen to me, and I think most people agree that vision is possibly the most important of the five senses, but yet, eyes, being so fragile, are ironically abused the most.

Never mind if you have ruined your eyes watching TV as a kid; it is now still essential you wash your lens regularly and don't let infections happen!

I was given a sample of AMO's Complete MoisturePLUS a week ago for trying, and I am still surprised.

I have perfect eyesight but I wear coloured lens, and I have always only rinsed my monthlies in saline and nothing else. No washing, no nothing! (Which is why I am surprised: I didn't know there were cleaning stuff to do)

Momo wears lens and she uses this strong soap thing to wash her lens, and I once put the soapy len into my eye and jumped like 3 metres. IT WAS SO PAINFUL CAN?! From then on I decided washing lens was not really worth it.

Bah! I told my friends this, they all started scolding me and saying how dirty contact lens can be, especially when you wear make up, etc. June was even spotting a swollen eye to make her point.

So now I got free cleaning solution to use! It's so easy, the multi-purpose solution cleans, stores, and disinfects! Shiok!

Well, I'm sure contact lens users know about the recent recall on Bausch & Lomb's multipurpose solution.

I suppose it is a timely reminder to get people to clean their lens regularly, and take care of the only pair of eyes you have.

Besides fungal eye infections (which is what happened to the 22 people), apparently, as I have read on the press release, there is also something called cytotoxicity in disinfecting solutions.

I know the "toto" part of the word sounds funny but it is not something to laugh about, ok! These excessive disinfecting properties of solutions often contain a high level of cytotoxicity - and that is very dangerous to the cells of your eyes.

Complete MoisturePLUS comes with the least cytotoxicity as compared to all the other solutions in the market.

Which is cool! And it also has taurine, which helps to ... ok, I don't really know what taurine does but everyone knows it's good. Makes your contact lens more comfortable to wear, I suppose.

It is slightly more expensive than the cheapo brands, at around $20 for a twin pack, but you know, spending a few dollars more a month on a safe product for your eyes... priceless.

Remember to wash your lenses properly ah!

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EXTERMINATE THE EVIL THAT IS PARSLEY

As it is I am already a person who gets irritated easily.

Lots of things irritate me: the weather being too hot or too cold, flies, ants, various smells, and ingrown hairs, among many many others.

I don't like to be irritated but I can't help it. I mean, I can put on a false front and pretend I am not irritated, but that irritates me too, so it's kinda pointless.

My friends have to put up with my endless grumbles and I think one of the things they cannot stand is when I complain endlessly about food.

I want to be nice to them and end it once and for all.

I don't know what's wrong with Asians, but we cook great food, and then always decide to grind some grass and sprinkle it generously on top of everything.

We put it on mee sotos, we put it in fishball noodles, we put it on top of steamed fish, we PUT IT FUCKING EVERYWHERE.

IT IS AS IF PARSLEY (OR CORIANDER OR SHIT-GRASS, CALL IT WHATEVER YOU WANT) IS FREE AND IF YOU DON'T EAT IT IT WILL OVER POPULATE THE WORLD.

I know Western foods have parsley too, but at least it is in one big piece and you can just throw it back at the chef's face. That's kinda mean and unreasonable though, because guess what? THE ANGMOHS KNOW PARSLEYS ARE FOR DECORATION NOT EATING.

I also know I have complained about this before, but seriously, I had ENOUGH.

I cannot count the amount of times I have picked through my noodles' soup to get the fucking parsley out of it, and I cannot UNDERSTAND why they have to put it in.

THEY SIAO IS IT?? A survey I have done with many people showed an amazing statistic: AROUND 50% OF THE POPULATION HATES PARSLEY.

Yet, it is striving! In fact, I bet parsley farmers, those SOBs, are earning like trillions daily from plucking awful grass and poisoning otherwise delicious food. Parsley farmers can fly private jets but they all die of bulimia soon enough; parsley is that smelly.

I HATE PARSLEY. I hate it SO MUCH, I actually vomit when I accidentally bite into one.

AND YET, IT LOOKS LIKE A NORMAL VEGGIE. It constantly ambushes me when I least expect it, pretending to an innocent xiao bai cai or something, and delibrately ruining my social life when I start to regurgitate all my food out like a barf machine.

I have all reasons to hate parsley. If it tastes so awful, the least it could do is to differentiate itself from normal veggies. I think a blue-ish brown colour would be perfect for it.

I also hate the people who refuse to understand how much I dislike parsley. Why is it so difficult to understand that different people have different taste buds?

YOU may say things like, "It's ok what, it doesn't have much taste..." in a nonchalant manner and think that I am making a big fuss...

BUT THAT'S YOUR TASTEBUDS RIGHT?

How about this little analogy... Would you like me to put shit into your food? The smell of parsley makes me barf, so does the smell of shit. I have never tasted shit, but I'm sure parsley is worse.

You may also argue that shit is dirty and parsley is not. WHO CARES?! Same shit, different elements.

Ok fine, no shit-in-food analogy.

HOW ABOUT DURIANS NOW? Would you durian haters like bits of durians ground into the food you ordered? WOULD YOU? Would you like to spend 15 minutes fishing out the durian bits before eating? HUH HUH?

WTF.

FUCK PARSLEYS.

You fucking parsleys ruin my life!

I am acting like a drama queen again? And I can ask food sellers not to put parsley into my food?

Scenario 1) How The Fuck Would I Know What Food Comes With Parsley And What Does Not

That day, during a family gathering, the adults ordered zhu chao, and for the kids who did not eat spicy food they ordered prawn fritters.

To my horror, the otherwise yummy fritter DOUGH WAS HALF GREEN IN COLOUR.

The fucking parsley was grounded and MIXED into the DOUGH!

Prawn fritters? Are these sellers CRAZY??

There was no way we could get the parsley out, and all the kids hated parsley, so the dish was left UNTOUCHED.

I should have taken a handmade catapult and pelted the shitballs of ruined prawns onto the chef until he cowers for help and whimpers, "Never again will I ruin food by putting parsley in it, Wendy, never! Oh, not my balls, anywhere but my balls!!" (Me: "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU")

Scenario 2) The Obstinate Auntie

That day I asked this prawn noodle auntie not to fucking put parsley in my noodles. I told her once, and she feinted ignorance.

I repeated myself AGAIN, because I'd rather be sodomised than PAY for a service and a product I hate. (It's not about it being $3; it's principles)

This time she nodded and said ok.

I hovered around for a bit and decided to let her deliver the noodles to my table. I politely requested again I didn't want the green bits near my food. She nodded again.

When the noodles arrived, it was full of parsley in it.

FUCK THE AUNTIE.

I KNEW IT. I know her type. Everytime pretend to hear, and in the end sell you the same damn default product.

Excuse me if you think that my $3 is too difficult to earn by remembering not to put shit-grass into it, then please let me know, and don't waste the both of our time. I can always look for people who are willing to not put parsley in my food.

I saw the noodles, and seriously, I understand that she can manage to forget my order, because my friends also ordered from her and she was busy. See, I am a nice girl.

However, I did say softly when I saw the noodles, "I thought I said I don't want parsley..." to June, and guess what?

The auntie said loudly,

"HUH? Must put this one then nice to eat, you don't know how to eat prawn noodles!"


OH, SO SHE DELIBRATELY PUT PARSLEY IN IS IT??! Unforgivable!

EXCUSE ME FUCK YOU OK SINCE WHEN IS IT UP TO YOU TO DECIDE WHAT FOOD IS GOOD TO EAT??!

I got SO angry with her stupid, irrelevant, self-righteous statement that I immediately started to flare up, and if I weren't well-controlled enough to wait till I reach home to rant about her online I would have slapped her greasy face there and then.

If I liked parsley I would not have asked 3 times not to put it in ok!?

Fuck man, these aunties are so fucking stupid!



That's it. There's one simple solution. People who hate parsley cannot eat it, but the crazy people who like it can do without it. In future, all food stores should have parsley in a little side petri dish (or not) which is air-tight, and people who like parsley can take their fill from the dish.

This way, nobody accidentally pukes.


- I hate parsley so much, if I had a choice between getting rid of aids and getting rid of parsley, I chose the STD to stay. -


UPDATE: It is bloody parsley and not spring onions. Stop arguing, I know what spring onions look and smell like. It's just that its wet therefore it's all rolled up, and the little light green stems are parsley stems.

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2006-02-22

Disappearing blog entries

I don't know what happened, but I remember damn well I blogged a blog entry at Kelvin's place before I left for my cruise trip. But the entry DISAPPEARED.

I was at his place blogging coz my computer refused to be turned on, and I was responsible enough (to my blogders) to go all the way to Thomson so that I could tell you guys I'm not gonna be here for four days.

ALAS!

The entry disappeared!!!

I don't know why!!

And now, Momo inserted the formatting disc into my CPU, and it is working well again.

Wtf? (Which is a wtf in a kinda good way)

So anyway, apologies, people, if you have been visiting regularly but keep seeing the same damn entry! I'm so sorry!

Now, I'm kinda still feeling like my room is waving about.-_- There are so many things to be done, so I don't think I'll blog tonight.

I will be though, very soon!

You guys saw that blog entry right??! The one where I said I am going on Superstar Virgo and that I said my computer was down, and I ended off by saying I am blogging in a Scottish accent?

This is so weird.

YOU SAW THAT ENTRY DIDNT YOU? WHY IS IT DELETED??

p/s: Oh, so this is the reason.

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2006-02-17

Don't offend women

Sandralicious says:
IT IS CNET EDITORS' CHOICE LOR

Sandralicious says:
I LOVE MY PHONE

XX says:
hahahha

XX says:
good lorrrr

XX says:
what's the good function

Sandralicious says:
THE MOST BO LIAO FUNCTION IS

Sandralicious says:
IN THE DARK

Sandralicious says:
WHEN U PRESS THE BUTTONS

Sandralicious says:
THE KEYPAD WILL LIGHT UP

Sandralicious says:
BUT IN LIGHTED ENVIRONMENT

Sandralicious says:
THE KEYPAD WILL NOT

Sandralicious says:
IT IS OF NOT MUCH USE

Sandralicious says:
BUT MY KEYPAD HAS SENSOR!!

XX says:
lol

XX says:
skarly in the end

XX says:
tbe sensor waste as much battery as the lights

XX says:
whahahahahaha

XX says:
then is utterly pointless liao

Sandralicious says:
whahahha

Sandralicious says:
the point is

Sandralicious says:
GOT SENSOR LEH

Sandralicious says:
i is stupid and shallow.

Sandralicious says:
i like sensors

XX says:
heehee

XX says:
me too

Sandralicious says:
its just a v nice phone la, 2.0 megapixels cam, can do video call

XX says:
the electric kind they use to scan u in airports

XX says:
makes me horny

XX says:
SPREAD UR LEGS

XX says:
YES SIR

XX says:
been a naughty girl huh?

XX says:
WHATS THIS??

XX says:
DRUGS!

XX says:
NO SIRE ITS JUST POWDER CANDY

Sandralicious says:
i called my fren who was buying food at mac. and asked him to show the counter guy the live video thing

XX says:
Oh no u are gonna get it from me young lady

XX says:
No, please!

XX says:
YES!

XX says:
*beep beep beep bleeeeeeeeeeep*

Sandralicious says:
and i screamed MAC SUCKS! THEY CAN GO SUCK COCK AND DIE

XX says:
wah u totally ignored my little play

Sandralicious says:
whaha i typing halfway ma

XX says:
hahhahaha

Sandralicious says:
kinky lor that one

Sandralicious says:
i prefer more violent one

XX says:
lol

Sandralicious says:
electric collar

Sandralicious says:
or baton

XX says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sandralicious says:
whahaha

XX says:
wahhahahahhaha

Sandralicious says:
tie the collar around his neck

Sandralicious says:
and cock

You cannot send a Nudge to your contact because he or she is using a version of Messenger that does not support this feature.

XX says:
SANDRA!

XX says:
lol

Sandralicious says:
let him watch porn. if he get a hard on just press the button and dian4 his cock

XX says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sandralicious says:
do that continuously for 3 days

XX says:
whhahahahhahahhaha

Sandralicious says:
or better yet attach a rope to his cock. middle of the rope is a lever and the other end is a knife

Sandralicious says:
then tie him to the chair

Sandralicious says:
and let him watch porn

XX says:
SANDRA

Sandralicious says:
if he gets a hard on the knife will poke into his chest

Sandralicious says:
its like SAW 2 leh

XX says:
u are really terrible lar!!!

XX says:
far worse than me

XX says:
i give up

Sandralicious says:
whhaa

Sandralicious says:
don't pretend

Sandralicious says:
i know u secretly like it lor

XX says:
no lah

XX says:
not the knife poking into chest!

Sandralicious says:
hmm

Sandralicious says:
ok

Sandralicious says:
if he get hard on

Sandralicious says:
the other end if [censored: It's a blogger]'s labia

Sandralicious says:
if he get hard on

Sandralicious says:
the labia will inch closer and closer to him

Sandralicious says:
then he will have to smell leh

XX says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sibeh gross leh you!

p/s: I don't like disclaimers but this has to be put up because there are people without a sense of humour around. Sandra and I were JUST JOKING.

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2006-02-16

I so wanna laugh



I found a photo taken during Singtel's moblogging competition a few years ago... I must say, I look quite different now huh? Anyway, that single contest must have held the most hypocritical people that can squeeze into a contest, ever.

Anyway, I was laughing at the photo, one of the girls in the photo claims she is a "full-time model". Except, of course, she has the face of a pimpled cow and the tits of a 12 year old child.

Her face is a canvas for the vivid imaginations - and brings to mind the dry landscape of an abandoned minefield. A geographer would say it reminds him of potholes; a cynic would say in indignance, "It's just the many severe scars of a great many pimples".

This quality makes her look like she aged 20 years... Not that it bothers her - her lovely smile more than accentuates her looks! That killer smile turns most on... the thin downturned pout of her lips symbolizes a stinginess most men would desire in the best housewives.

Combined with the weird non-existance of a chin, which slopes down to a neck too long and then drooped shoulders, her beauty is now almost complete.

Except it is not really complete, not without a mention of her lumpy pear-shaped body with the patchy looking yellow skin.

They say eyes are the windows to the soul. Cloudy malicious souls perhaps lead to small, lifeless eyes then, whose darty, ratty, little movements signifies the things the person is up to... Backstabbing, sucking up to famous people, doing anything to gain for herself a little piece of fame... You name it.

I so wanna laugh.

She is a full-time model? Allow me to jump for joy - for only in Singapore can such atrocity happen! But then again, this full-time model must not have been very famous, for we have all not seen her photoshoots anywhere.

LOL.... Full-time model yes... So are the rest of the hobos in the world.

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2006-02-15

Strange

Today I swear I saw a squirrel cat. I mean, I thought it was just a kitten, so I stopped to look at it (feeling particularly attracted to cute things recently due to this website), and it scurried away, scared.

It stopped at an opening of a drain (the semi-circle sort along road kerbs) and then I saw its tail!

Totally like a squirrel's! Bushy and everything. BUT THE BODY OF A KITTEN!

I don't know what's wrong with me, but immediately when I saw that, I thought of a male squirrel with a female cat (cats are always female), and there, their spawn.

The idea of it is quite sick.

I wonder if animals really cross screw like that? I mean, I know horses screw donkeys and everything, and the results are called mules. THERE IS ACTUALLY A BABY! Inconceivable! Speaking of inconveivable, the offspring of these mixed breeds can't actually produce any offsprings of their own.

OMG SEE ZEBRA + DONKEY. It's the cutest thing, looks like it is wearing leggings.

Any of you ever feel the urge to like, screw chimps or something?

Ok, I'm writing rubbish. I'm so tired! I'm gonna sleep.

GOOD NIGHT ALL! :D

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2006-02-14

GAH!

I didn't even realise it is Valentine's day today until Kenny asked me if I had a date for later and I found it very weird that he's asking.

Well, screw stupid cupid.

I don't like V day.

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2006-02-10

Men and their stupid weirdness

Just now I was reading another, sorta private blog of mine, and I so enjoyed the entries in there.

As it is, I'm not a private sort of person, but there are some things which I just can't share with such a big public, because of the consequences I get.

I love reading my old, private blog entries, but I know these entries are the real me, and the real entries that got so many people loving my blog in the first place.

I read this particular entry written in October and felt sad knowing how careful and censored I am on this blog.

I would never have published this same article here on this blog, because if the guy I used to date read this, I am guessing he would be rather pissed - although I did keep him anonymous.

But hell guys, this is really too good to pass over. I KNOW! I totally love my "real" writing too. It's damn funny so you would love it.

I'm gonna risk it, and go ahead with posting the entry, since it's so long ago anyway. Fuck those people I will get into trouble with.


Here you go:

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What's up with MEN?!

For christ's sake. Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller with the nanny. Sienna = hot, nanny = fugly.

Beckham cheated on Victoria with Rebecca Loo. Posh may not be too hot yes, but seriously, that Loo woman is the armpit of womanhood. Man, she's got one truck-hit face.

I'm sure there are more statistics to show that men are just crazy-assed bitches. When you have your pick of the hottest women around, what the HELL do you still want to screw someone ugly?!?!?!

I cannot get it. I know, excitement of screwing someone new and all that, but can't you at least screw someone better looking? What is the POINT of screwing some ugly chick when you are DAVID-FREAKING-BECKHAM!?!?! Isn't the challenge to screw someone better looking than Posh?

Hao ma bu chi hui tou cao!!!

For me, I find I cannot go down on quality, once I get the best. I cannot!!!

I mean, I've dated this really cute guy, and I wonder how the hell I'm supposed to ever date, or have sex with, someone uglier without imagining it's him.

Sigh .... What if he, while dating me, also imagined me to be the hottest chick he ever dated? I'll be damned - but hey, that can't happen coz I am like THE hottest. Ever. Argue and I'll track your ip address, infiltrate the Starhub/Singtel system, take a SMRT (SMRT coz their calling rates are cheapest) cab to your ghetto of a HDB flat, and kill you with a sniper ray gun before you can celebrate Halloween at Zouk this year.

I know, it's a lot of trouble for just denying I am hot --- but hey, they don't call me The Badass Bitch for nothing.

So anyway, back to the topic at hand.

So this cute guy right... all hot and everything... was dating ME. (Get this, Me = the hottest)

Whilst we were dating, he was being blog-stalked by this mediocre, teensy chick. The chick apparently adored him coz well, he was hot and everything. She was only 17; him, in his twenties.

Apparently he told me about her, and I wasn't affected coz I'm like, fuck man, these internet stalker chicks are bound to be ugly anyway. She kept messaging him on his phone coz he was from moblog, and moblogs allow users to "sms" each other - via some weirdass system, which costs like 20c an sms of course.

So this girl would be like, "What are you doing now?" "I'm bored, can you come online?" "My school was boring today." "How big is your penis and would you like to shove it into me?"

Of course not the last sentence, but the rest are the gist of what she would sms.

At this point of time of course, most of us will be like "URGH, WHAT A DISGUSTING DESPERADO!"

BUT NO~!

My ex-date, who was perfectly hot and whatever, actually responded to her with zeal and excitement!

He even called her "little puppy" at some point of time! I mean, alright ok, I didn't check his phone or anything, but it was all open on his moblog - as in you can see who has chatted with him recently, and what they chatted about. I did check that. Coz I was bored.

He has, of course, looked through her very mediocre photos. According to him, "it is just fun to flirt with someone from the internet."

So get this: While he was cuddling me (lest you forget, me=hot), and after he was perfectly happy, he was REPLYING HER MESSAGES AND FLIRTING WITH HER!!

I cannot understand. I can understand if she is pretty or intelligent or interesting - but no, she is just this teeny bopper whom I won't even speak to, because hell yeah, being seen speaking to her would be social suicide. Her face --- average at best? Her body? Never shown in her photos - which possibly means it is quite bad.

So anyway, in a month or so me and said date "broke up", though there was never really a relationship to begin with.

Fast forward a few weeks.

Today, I checked back on his moblog, and found smses from the chick, with him promising to go on MSN TO FUCKING CHAT WITH HER!!! OMG!!!


I almost puked blood. Is she worth it?!

They possibly have exchanged numbers by now. Hell, maybe even fucked. Oh, my tainted reputation!!! How can I date someone who dates teeny boppers?!?! Hush, please keep this to yourself.

Later on, being the busybody I am, I checked on HER blog, and realised one blog entry she wrote:

It said: "I'm sorry, but I would like to say that I no longer have a crush (you know who you are). It is yadda yadda not worth my time yadda yadda."

OMG!! LOSER!! My loser of an ex date! UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUMPED BY HIS INTERNET STALKER CAN?! WAHAHAHAHA

Laugh until I almost die.

This little girl - mediocre looks, intellect of a tissue prata, possibly not even menstruating yet - having the cheek, and indeed, rights, to say that she no longer digs this perfectly hot male model.

Just like how Rebecca Loo says she is over Beckham.

The world works in funny, funny ways sometimes. I suspect it likes to turn around and bite your backside just when you think it's safe to bend down and pick a bar of soap.

Ok fine, the bar of soap thing is irrelevant, but I just love that phrase.

And well, girls reading this: Remember - always play hard to get. Doesn't matter if you are mediocre or not. You bait the guy's interest, then you turn the tables and say you are no longer interested. How's that for coolness?

I give this mediocre chick 100%. You go girl.

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2006-02-08

Went to Mos with Eileen (Wee) and her friends... met Adrian there too! After that, supper at Breko's with Kelvin and co.

Just a hell lot of photos:









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Advertorial

Feeling panicky because Valentine's day is so near?

Well, if you are not as lucky as me to be female or single, then I guess you have got to buy some gifts for your loved ones.

I hate stupid men who go like, "Eh, you know I love you, and flowers are just flowers, they can't prove how much I love you anyway!" and conveniently don't buy their girlfriends any flowers.

Well here's a piece of information for you my dear boys...

It's a secret...

Girls do not actually like flowers.

I KNOW RIGHT?! You gasp, but it's true! I mean yes, flowers are pretty and they smell nice, but they are but some dead plants.

So why do girls still want flowers on V day?

BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING IT. And not getting flowers means your boyfriend treats you inferior to how the other boyfriends are treating their girlfriends.

And that sucks - because every girl wants to feel special. :)

So, if you want to make your girlfriend feel like she is the most loved among all the other girls (make her happy and you might get some V-day sex - or not), you just HAVE to get her flowers.

The bigger it is, the more "face" she has. :D

Sadly enough, all the flowers are sold at exorbitant prices during V day!

That's why I say, it's a good thing you read my blog, haha!

At www.i-GV.com, the guys are giving everyone a mega discount for flowers... and guess what? It even comes with gift vouchers!!!!

That's totally a steal.


I want this

For example, a bouquet of 99 roses (almost guaranteed you won't be lonely that night) costs only $198!

At other florists, it costs up to $300, and guess what? that $198 spent is inclusive of $100 worth of gift vouchers by Charles and Keith, Anderson's Ice Cream, and Le Salon!

Not bad right?

Now see, girls are very tough to please. If you spend like an idiot, she'll say she'd rather you give her the money to spend than to spend $400 on roses.

If you don't give her any flowers, you can expect to see a black face.

So how? Getting reasonable deals is the way to go! :)

You can stop fretting now, and click here to make your girlfriend happy.

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2006-02-07

Or Rather, the Lack Of

Short post today... I've got to wake up early tomorrow... :)

I can't remember the time school taught us about heat and its properties.

As a young child, things were taken in their extremities, like there's hot, and then there is cold.

I was damn shocked when my teacher told me that there is no such thing as coldness... As a noun, it does not exist. There is only heat, and the lack of heat.

Kinda opens up a whole new way of seeing things, no?

I was just wondering today, how many things are like that too?

Maybe there is no skinniness... There is only the lack of fats...

No darkness, only lack of light.
No dryness, only lack of moisture.
No dullness, only lack of colour.
No stupidity, only lack of intellect.
No ugliness, only lack of beauty.
No silence, only lack of sound.
No poverty, only lack of wealth.

So many things there are... which we regard as the polar opposite of certain attributes, but we don't realise they are actually not fit to be, because they are not...

It all gets very confusing...

And then what's hate?

Hate is the opposite of love, because a lack of love is, like what Kelvin told me the other day, indifference, isn't it?

Anyone bother to explain more to me?

I hate bothersome thoughts like these.

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2006-02-05

I don't like the guys I like to be gay

Today I was excitedly telling Shuyin and June that I found this old song of Aniki Jin (Jin Cheng Wu? Takeshi Kaneshiro?) and I am very happy about it.

And I started skipping around and saying how handsome he is... *blush*

I mean, he used to be like the cutest ever when I was a mere teen, but as he aged he started to have this funny quality about his eyes, like they are a bit too sharp at the edges... Ok, fine, I don't know what I am talking about.

But it remains true than he used to be like so fricking cute in the 1990s!

SEE:



OMG I HAVE TO DIGRESS!

I suddenly realised why I no longer think Aniki Jin is as cute as before! Look at his brows!!!

It's the BA ZHI MEI!!!



Now come to think of it I realised I totally have a weakness for guys with eyebrows shaped like the chinese 8! I KNOW, RIGHT??! It gives them the puppy-eyed look, and I totally melt, I tell you.

Oh shit I just realised my favourite ex had ba zhi mei too, and so does the last guy I liked for a good six months.

OH GREAT. A great revelation discovered when I am blogging nonsense. All this while I thought what's so special about these guys that make me like them so much, and actually it was all in the damn eyebrows.

It is that simple and that superficial.

I am beginning not to be able to stand myself.

Back to Aniki Jin.

As I was saying, his eyebrows are no longer in that wonderful shape.



YES.

Totally.

But of course, he's still suave and everything, but just no longer that adorable, you know? But then again if he is so old and still cute it will be quite frightening.


I should just be happy he is still in showbiz... I used to like this singer called Adam Rickitt coz (GUESS WHAT?? I'm SO predictable) he also had the puppy-eyed look... and coz he is so blonde.

But no one knows what the hell Adam is doing nowadays.

For all I know he may be a lumberjack.

All I know about him in like 1999 was when Eileen asked me to watch this MTV called I Breathe Again where Adam Rickitt was posing nude (he was an alien of some sort I think!) and I started hyperventilating.

But he is gone! I think not too many girls share my love for ba zhi meis. Sad.




So Aniki Jin...

Just after I skipped around saying how handsome Aniki Jin is, Shuyin just said, "Too bad lor, he is gay."

"WHAT?! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

I jumped onto Shuyin and attempted to throttle her to death for sprouting rubbish. IT CAN'T BE!

Breathlessly, Shuyin pushed the blame to June and said it was June who said so.

June shrugged nonchalantly and said that she had a friend who dunno what dunno what met Aniki and "had the vibes" and "can see" that he was gay.

I was like, "Duh, that's totally not reason enough for you to think he's gay right?!"

Once again she shrugged and Shuyin said, "Well, all these years he's in showbiz, he had not had any scandals with girls!"

I silently thought, But neither with guys! but I kept quiet.


................


Just now, I was about to go to sleep when I thinking about nonsense as usual... This time I thought about if I had the chance to have sex with ANYONE in this world, who will it be?

And then my thoughts wondered to Aniki Jin...



Heehee... I'll make him sing to me first before sex, act out a scene in Chungking Express, then during, I'll make him sprout Japanese and make those grunting noises that Japanese men like to make... oh yes the wet look is not bad too... heeheehee OOPS did I just write those out loud?

Just as I smiling to myself, there and then I FELT THIS IMMENSE, IMMENSE SADNESS OVERWHELMING ME!!!!!!!!!

He is gay and he will never like me!

It is crazy to be so sad over such a stupid thing!

I know I'll possibly never ever really get to shag him, but I'd love to still at least have a bit of hope about it, right?

I mean, I want to, as I put on my make up, think to myself, "Wow girl, today you look great! Maybe today you will see Aniki Jin and he would want to have sex with you."

I would hate to think that thought to myself, and think continue with the thought, "Yeah right, as if he would look at you even if you flashed your pussy. He likes dick."

MAN, THATS ONE SHITTY THOUGHT.

It is so shitty it makes the world around me so damn sad.

I look at the willowing Pandan Reservior trees and think of them as freaks of nature with lots of fungus and diseased bark and worms on it. I look at a bar of Calbury chocolate, and see only fats. You get me?

THAT'S HOW SAD IT IS TO HAVE A GUY YOU LIKE BE GAY!

I mean, if he is a mass murderer you can tell him, "Hey, cut it out dude. Stop the mass murdering shit... I wanna love you."

And he might change for you.

If he is an awful singer you can just ask him to stop singing. BUT GAY!

That's just sad coz he won't even care what you think!

I don't like the guys I like to be gay. :(

p/s: Blogger is down at the moment! Gah! Also, see this link! Very cool ad. :)

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Blogging is great! :D

Sometimes this blogging thing gets so overwhelming, that I forget the simple pleasures I get from this blog.

One of the reasons I blog is before it is so damn cool to be able to look back at how you looked like and thought like in the past!

A few weeks back, Weili baked some soft (by soft I mean it can't really stand up straight) cheesecake, and I told him he had improvement already; the one he baked in 2004 melted so bad, it was considered to be a liquid state.

Weili denied that he had ever baked such an atrocity before, and I rolled my eyes at him and confidently said, "YES YOU DID, I EVEN BLOGGED ABOUT IT!!!" while pulling out a bit of hair.

With this he went, "Really meh?" in a meek voice and I said to him that I will prove it to him tonight. Which I did - by searching my archives!

Cool huh?

I started the blog in April 2003.... It is almost 3 years now! It is really kinda sweet to know that I have friends whom I have been blogging about throughout all these years. :)

I was feeling bored that day, so I decided to do a growth chart for Shuyin and me... since August 2003 - which is the earliest pictures the blog has.

I present....

Miss Teo Shuyin:



She used to have such chubby cheeks! I think she looks a lot nicer now...

And of course... Myself:




Look very different huh??

Think it's the tan and lighter coloured hair. Hahaha... You know what the funny thing is? At every point of time in my life I've always thought I looked the best I ever could.

For example in 2003, I used foundation, mascara, curlers, blushers, dark eyeshadows, lipsticks and eyeliners. I thought that was all the make up you can ever put on ur face, and so my face was the best looking it could be. (Clearly, as you can see, is not true)

And I also had curly long hair which was dyed a shitty shade of brown, but I thought, that must be good enough.

But as I grew older I discovered more and more things...

I realised there are hair dye colours which suit you more...

There's something called tanning.

And plain mascara is not enough - there is also the sort with white fibres in them to make lashes even longer.

And then that sort of mascara is not enough too! Eyelash extensions are even better.

And nowadays, I don't even do extensions or mascara - I just put fake lashes.

Eye colour? Never thought in 2003 that coloured lens can make my eyes look even more captivating!

Even if I wanted black eyes, I'd also go for the Big Eye lens. :)

So in conclusion, I think there quite no limits for beauty. I often wonder why girls sometimes don't bother to doll themselves up.

I mean, it is not even an issue of vanity for me anymore! I just have seen myself prettier, and I cannot drop my standards and allow myself to be uglier than I know I can look.

Just like if you scored 90 for an exam and you take the same exam a second time, you won't allow yourself to score 50, would you? Because you KNOW you are capable of a 90.

(For example that day I didn't bring eyelash glue out and I had to put mascara instead. Although my natural lashes are pretty long as it is, mascara just didn't seem good enough!! I felt so unhappy the whole day. BAH!)

I know this entry is very pointless.

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2006-02-03

No particular title

LONGGGGGGG POST

Had a happy CNY everyone? Mine was pretty good!

Well sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy meeting up with friends and all, and I haven't gotten down to opening my ang pows (red packets with money) yet!

I heard my Uncle Johnny haven't opened his in many years and I have plans to rob his drawer.

Isn't so damn cool to have a custom whereby the happily married are obligated to give the unmarried people money? I don't know how the married people feel, but I think they deserve it for finding true love and yadda yadda. *self satisfied smile*

It's great!

I wish every New Year, people will have customs of giving money to, I don't know, people with no boyfriends, people who are short, people with no "real jobs", people with bad hair, etc.

In exchange for packets of money, these recepients give worthless oranges, and utter some words of praise. HEEHEEHEE :D

Ain't CNY great?!?!?!

Because I was a great model for Localbrand, Turodrique decided to give a tee to my brother. While I met him, he suddenly told me he realised one difference between Maddox and me.

I DIGRESS!

SPEAKING OF MADDOX, I was reading Tucker Max the other day, and his blog stated that he went out for a drink with Maddox (OMG OMG!), and guess WHAT?!

MADDOX'S GIRLFRIEND IS ASIAN!

Well Tucker Max said that she is Asian, hot, and also ate a lot.

Wait wait wait in case you haven't noticed, me = Asian, Hot, and Eat a Lot. I KNOW PEOPLE WHO EAT A LOT TEND NOT TO BE HOT, but whatever man, hotness is subjective and who knows, Maddox might like thunder thighs?

BUT THE POINT IS!

I HAVE A CHANCE!

Please don't hold on to me like that, I'm going now to Salt Lake City, Utah. I KNOW MADDOX WOULD LOVE TO DATE ME!! :D

Some of you may frown and say he isn't too good looking, but hey, who cares, he's just too cool. :) I imagine if I married him and I had to give birth and the baby wouldn't come out, he would just push the surgeon aside, grunt in frustration, and use his bare hands to pull the baby out.

In the case of the baby's head not being severed, my birth would be wonderfully primal! WAHHAHAHA! When my female friends ask me, hey, how was your birth? I will go like, Oh, my husband pulled little Prestige out... Cool, ain't he?

:D

So back to Turodrique, Turodrique was saying that Maddox never ever gives airtime to his detractors, and T reckons I should learn from that.

It is true you know! I am famous (in case you mistakenly read this in an arrogant tone, I'm saying it in a rather sad, but matter-of-fact tone), and naturally, people all want a piece of the action.

Which is why these losers write about me, because they know, even if they claimed they did not want to be associated with me *roll eyes*, that the only way they can get attention is to write about me.

In other words, without me, they are nothing.

Let me eat my words by telling you a little story, which is, of course, 100% fiction.

Now years ago, a girl joined a blogging competition organised by a big Telco company.

Let's call her Henna.

One of the contestants was gay, and it was stated all over his private blog, which, we all know, is not really private.

Gay boy 1 was on pretty good terms with Henna. He also had a best friend, called Gay boy 2, also gay.

Now Henna read Gay Boy 1's blog long before she got closer to him, so she told another contestant that Gay Boy 1 is gay... This piece of news was gossipy, simply because it was a dating/blogging competition they were all in, well, I suppose that means you should be straight.

This other contestant then proceeded to tell the whole world that Gay Boy 1 was gay.

Gay Boy 1 found out the source was Henna, and got very angry, threatening to sue Henna and whatever - which, as Henna pointed out to him, is not going to happen because Gay Boy 1 had written all over his blog himself that he was gay - and he certainly didn't tell Henna not to tell anyone.

Gay Boy 2, as best friend, also got very angry with Henna, and started to write very bad stuff about Henna all over his blog.

Meanwhile, there was another mediocre contestant in the blogging contest, and her name is Gina.

She claims to be a full-time model, but is the sort you will raise your eyebrows at, because you'll go like, "Woah, so ugly also can be full-time model?!".

Gina was on ok terms with Henna, but who knows what people would do for a piece of fame?

Years passed.

Henna read something in the news which made her laugh one day.

Gay Boy 1 and Gay Boy 2 were caught and put to jail for something they wrote in their blogs!

Oh, they hated a certain race of llamas, and wanted that sort of llamas to all be killed. :)

Of course, llamaism is against the law.

Gay Boy 2 got out of jail, and, out of goodness knows what reason (actually we all know why), jumped on the train to accuse Henna of llamaism too, trying to get Henna into trouble for his own prejudice.

In which of course Henna wasn't.

On national papers he claimed that he did not hate that sort of llamas (though he wished them all dead), and also claimed that Henna was the llamaist one.

Out of goodness knows where also popped up Gina, who supported the claim that Henna was llamaist!

Henna read the papers and laughed loudly, shaking her head, wondering how on Earth can some people be so bloody childish and unscrupulous.

Of course, people who read the papers will just presume that Gay Boy 2 and Gina had a just opinion on Henna, but in actual fact, they all held a grudge against her, since a long long time ago.

That long long time ago, they all blogged, and Gina and the gay boys never made it big like Henna did.

Only by hurting her they could get a piece of her online fame - which, obviously, can only last a while, because they were... sadly... still mediocre. :)

End of story.


Interesting not?

So yes, that's that, and - on a separate note that's not related to the story - it is just so difficult to let go of some things without explaining yourself.

But I promise this to myself. From today onwards, I will NOT blog about detractors anymore.

People pay me to blog - why should detractors get free airtime?

Yes, I'm human. But having a famous blog dehumanizes me, because I know I cannot show any weaknesses here. If I show any, people can't wait to grab it, pull a flock over it, and post it all over their blogs shouting the headline: "XX finally succumbs!"

I'm not gonna let that happen!

So, I'm gonna blog about my own stuff and totally ignore what other people are saying. :D

You can search all you want in technorati about my latest scandals, but I'm higher than that! I'm XX! You won't be able to get my attention; you are too trivial! *smirks*

Previously, I was stupid and allowed detractors to spam my comments.

Now, I moderate both blogger's and haloscan's comments, and nobody can get my fame without my permission anymore! Hurray for moderation!

Moving on to good technology, hurray for Mozilla too!

I just downloaded lotsa good extensions on it, and man does IE suck big time. Sorry Howard, but I just can't believe it is taking Microsoft so damn fucking long to come up with the tabs idea! (I can almost hear Howard arguing with me in my head)

So apparently IE's next version will have tabs, I heard.

A BIT TOO LATE! I'm now a mozilla fan!

I downloaded this extension, and whenever Mozilla crashes, it will come back to EXACTLY how it was before it crashed - which means no more deleted blog entries!

THAT CAN ONLY BE GOOD!

CNY photos!

Every CNY we would first go to my paternal grandparents' house to bian nian!

It is particularly nostalgic for me coz I used to be taken care of by my grandma when I was a kid, and most of my childhood consisted of me jumping all over her couch, eating her fried eggs with rice and dark soya sauce, and watching for the thousandth time Sun Wu Kong on tv.



New Year goodies!




Couldn't resist taking photos of myself. =) This year I decided my style will be "BOMBSHELL".

I kept irritating people I am buying clothes with by going like, "OMG, this is totally not bombshall, I won't buy it!".

See the letter B on my tank top? B FOR BOMBSHELL.



My little adorable cousin Vivian.


Wooh, smelly, I like!


My uncles are twins and they are so cute! :D


My grandpa! He used to be so handsome!



I have no idea what this plant is called, but my grandma calls it "chi ku teng" in Cantonese, and that kinda sounds like a dangling penis... And true to its name, my grandma says that the plant would help a pregnant lady give birth to a boy, for the plant kinda looks like the said genital.

She would know, she had four boys. Hahaha!


Everyone looking happy. :)


My cousins


My pretty skirt!

Some time ago I bought this satin-lace pink headband that I intended for the garter look (bombshell, you know) around my thigh but even with all the spring cleaning I couldn't for the life of me find it!

So I replaced it with a plain lace band. =( It's not quite the same thing and I looked like I got bandaged.


I love my grandma so much!

She always cares so much for me, but I can't even make the effort to go visit her more often! I'm such a bad grand daughter.

I didn't know this, but when I reached her place, I saw she framed up my newspaper clippings...





Ok, writing that just made me cry.

I'm gonna visit her A LOT MORE. Once a week. Every Monday.


My grandpa's fishies.



In the kitchen I am so familiar with




These photos have no point except that I used the same spoons to eat the same dessert since I was a child.

After this we move on to my uncle's place! It's at Duku road or something, and my mother NEVER FAILS to get lost every year.

This year I slept throughout and was quite happy she took her time to be lost.


On the sofa before my cousins arrived.

Now 2 days before CNY, I went out with my cousins to get new year clothes, and while we were at Lido's outdoor macdonalds, something happened.

This teenaged guy (macdonald employee), with fried yellow hair and a pervertish face (bespectacled, pimpled sort - you know that kind!), suddenly walked over to our table.

He bend down to me and announced very loudly,

"ARE YOU THE XIAXUE FROM YOU HUA ZHI SHUO?"


In chinese. And in his hand, he was holding the metal thing that pushes the rubbish further into the bins.

-_-

I got the shock of my life, and said yes in a small voice.

"Can I get your number and be friends with you?"


He asked. "BU KE YI! (No you can't!)" I replied in terror, and he walked away calmly.

He came back one more time after like 1 hour, to ask me how I earned money from my blog.

...

My cousins thought it was hilarious, and THEY REFUSED TO LET IT GO.

During CNY, conversations went like this:

Me, "Jo, can you pass me the green tea?"

Jocelyn, "Ok... But excuse me, are you the Xiaxue from You Hua Zhi Shuo?!"


CHAO TURTLE.

Very funny meh?!

Anyway, this year my cousins arrived very late coz there was a severe car accident at Steven's Road! According to Cally, they even saw the corpse wrapped up.

Wah lau, what a terrible, terrible thing to die on CNY! It's even worse than normal days coz the whole family will just have to stop celebrations and from that happy mood, transit an even longer way than usual into grief.

But enough of sad stuff...


Jo, Cally, her hubby, and Momo


My nails - awful

We moved on to my maternal Grandpa's place, where mahjong began. :D


Jo and I shared, and we lost like 30 bucks. Bah!

Chu Er, went to Kelvin's new house to eat steamboat!

I'm trying to persuade him to have a jacuzzi on the third floor. Well, I believe I am right to say that if u have a jacuzzi at house, and it is very good for suntanning, then surely a multitude of pretty girls will flock over dressed in skimpy gold bikinis, right?

I am right, and that's reason enough for a jacuzzi on the 3rd floor.


Look at Kelvin, he used to be so handsome!

Anyway, I'm proven wrong that wealth is measured by whether you have a state-of-the-art fridge...

Look what we found:



Shuyin sneers at Kelvin's fridge


The plasma TV was supposed to be drilled on to the wall


Russell looking a lot better with a tan!

Cafe Cartel!


:)

Oh, as you can see I added rubbish to my Xiaxue necklace.


My new shoes!

Nice huh? Green velvet. :)





Hao peng you!

And lastly, I shall make it a custom to end off blog entries with pretty photos of myself!



Super act-bombshell right? Haha so gross!

Tata!

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