2007-04-29

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Very sad, this year Saddam Hussein died otherwise he can celebrate his birthday with me! I mean not WITH me per se of course, like in his own little hiding hole but at the same time as me.

Anyway, my life is just full of drama.

On the night of 27th, Kelvin, Qingqing, Mike and I went to JB at like 11pm for some, erm, dvds.

Of course, as it turns out when we reached the dvd shop we didn't buy anything because we had a guilt trip and it dawned on us that piracy is just wrong. WRONG, PEOPLE! Don't steal!

Ahem.

So, we went across the road to have some food.

After gorging, we crossed the road to get back to the car, and Mike told me to run coz there was a car coming.

I was in a bad mood (due to Mike being generally grumpy due to his lack of his sleep) and out of the corner of my eye I saw a slow moving car and didn't speed up at all but instead proceeded to cross the rest of the road in what can be described as a slow lumbering fashion.

As expected, my life flashed before me as the LOUD honk of the Malaysian car sounded.

Actually, I don't know how other people who almost died react, but I was quite tired and when I turned and saw the car was real close to me, all I did was think, "Huh? I thought this car was moving slowly??" With a slightly wide-eyed look.

And it was supposed to!

I mean, it's a small road, not the bloody German highway with no speed limit. Autobahn! I'm so smart.

So anyway, the fucker who almost took my life (23 years ago Momo had a hard time squeezing me out) wound down his window, and shouted at me in Mandarin,

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEE WHEN YOU CROSS THE ROAD IS IT?"

(Actually he didn't almost kill me, he was like 2 feet away)

I don't know why I like to pick fights, but I just shouted back, "FUCK YOU!"

and showed him my finger.

I guess I exploded coz it's really kinda annoying to have almost died and then yet have some shout at you.

I mean, c'mon, fine, it is maybe my fault to cross in a slow stupid manner, but I've already had the fright of my life, and additionally, almost got deafened by your honk, still not enough meh?

THEN STILL SHOUT AT ME!

Somemore the fucker so fucking ugly, like a piece of ugly fuck can. Stupid low-class middle-aged Chinese guy.

So, after I shouted at him, he told me to point my finger at my mother or something rude like that, so I smiled at him and pointed my finger at him once again.

Instead of being honoured since a gorgeous supermodel like myself will never be caught died talking to him under normal circumstances (social suicides, my dears!!), he got down of his car and thundered out of it, shouting various Hokkien vulgarities at me.

His girlfriend tried to restain him but he got down anyway.

And till this day I fantasize about how he would try to get off his car in the middle of the road, and while opening the door to get down, an oncoming tank would knock him senseless, thus ending his life.

I'd then kick his corpse and throw the la la I ta-baoed on his face while his girlfriend weeps. I'd then kick her for bad taste, and throw the extra 10 ringgit I had left over my shoulder as I leave.

But that didn't happened.

So that guy got down of his car, and I was rejoined by Kelvin, QQ and Mike when drama ensued (various scoldings by me and that guy, with Mike trying to stand in between us).


Within a short while, we were joined by a group of other people, Malaysian Ah Bengs, who were good-naturedly asking the fucker what happened.

The fucker shouted at the Ah bengs, "YOU ALL HER FRIENDS IS IT?" and the Ah Bengs replied, "No, we from the DVD shop... They our customers la, got anything can talk mah..."

While the fucker proceeded to scold the super sweet DVD shop guys. So nice of them, honestly! They didn't have to help us!

It's damn funny. I was too boiling mad to remember what happened, but at one point the fucker started shouting at Mike too, asking him,

"SINGAPOREAN IS IT?"

to which Mike replied "Yes." since it is really too troublesome to explain, "Nah, I'm from Dallas, which is in Texas, USA, but I used to be born in... blah blah and I am here working in Singapore, just passed by JB for some la la."

And so the fucker said,

"Singapolean big fuck izzit?" in the broken English I typed it as.

And Mike couldn't understand what the fuck he said, which would have been hilarious if not for the fact that I was so angry.

Stupid uneducated fucker.

I shouted at him,

"NI YAO ZHEN YANG? XIAN ZAI NI YAO DA NV REN SHI MA?!" (What do you want, you want to hit a girl?)

and he replied,

"WO YAO DA NI YOU ZHEN YANG?!" (So what if I hit you?)

The DVD shop boys restained him, and after this we walked away since it really isn't wise to pick a fight in other people's turf.

How gross, for a man to try to pick a fight with a 42kg (fine, 43.5) girl! *roll eyes* Oh yes! Because the girl has a chance to win!

Hope he dies. No, I'm not just saying it. I do hope he dies.

On the way back the girls hypothesized about how to verbally abuse him more, while the guys talked about how they would have beaten the fucker up. (Mike, "I'm a leftie, and people never expect that...")

Sigh.

Such a dramatic birthday.

Wanbao is trying to report the fellowing story, no doubt completely lifting it off to (zero writers' intregrity) fill up their trashy incompetent pages.

Which is STUPID, since... THE FOLLOWING STORY IS COMPLETELY FICTIONAL. Yes. I made it all up.


Speaking of sickening guys, that day Qingqing has a horrible encounter with a Bangala!

She was at City Plaza alone, taking some money out of the ATM, and this bangala asked her for some change, which she said she had none, and walked rapidly outside.

The bangala followed her and when she was outside, he GRABBED HER!

He held on to the back of her arm from behind her, and he said, "You, go Geylang with me."

NABEY!

ANGRY!

HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!


How are we girls not supposed to be wary of bangalas you tell me????!!!!!!!!!!



So QQ turned around and slapped the bangala.


EWWWWWWW SO DIRTY!!! I don't wanna touch him!

And poor QQ, she was just in jeans and a tee or something! Not like she dressed like a whore or what you know, it's just that she got the sort of face that looks like you can bully her.

So the bunch of Ah bengs from the cellphone shop came up and started shouting at the bangala, and the bangala, according to QQ, "ran away super fast".

Haha, bangala running away very fast sounds very funny.

(QQ said to help her thank the Ah bengs on my blog coz she was so traumatized she just ran away without saying her thanks)

From the above two stories we can see that Ah Bengs are very nice people.

So anyway, on the 28th, Shuyin and Wanyi came over to my place to surprise me with a birthday cake, homecooked food (green curry, brinjals, tea eggs, french loaf) and complete with a recorder-blown Happy Birthday song!

Happy or not?!!!

My friends are sooooooo super sweet can.

We gossiped and talked auntie-talk till 5pm, when the girls left and Mike brought me to St Pierre's for a super yummy dinner costing him $155.

I am super lucky I didn't get killed afterall.

Imagine Shuyin and Wanyi come, then actually I died already. Damn stupid.

Ok, pictures soon ok! Very busy.

Love!!!


p/s: No offence to Malaysians since you can be quite sensitive. I'm just talking about that particular guy.

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