2008-06-25

Pretty nails = Sure sign of a slut

I'm sure some of you have seen THIS article.

It sort of picked up on my iPhone review and the issue of how people with long nails can't use the iphone, and and... it was featured on the front page of Yahoo.com today!

I was even quoted! Madness. Now I HAVE to buy the t-shirt with my awesome quote on it.

I didn't know I am such a genius at creating quotable quotes!

When I die, I'd be like Woody Allen with tons of websites just there for the sole purpose of passing on my nuggets of wisdom.

I'm trying to think up one good quote right now but I can't think of any!

Hmmm... How about, "People who die doing dangerous activities (such as attempting to climb Mount Everest as a double amputee/motorbike through 5 fire hoops) totally deserve it." Nope... Too long, too obvious. Maybe next time!

I know! How about, "Females with long fingernails are whores"?

That's like catchy, and totally true, isn't it?

It has got to be, because I read through like 400 of the 3,000 comments (and counting! I'm startled) and I NEVER HAD ANY IDEA SO MANY PEOPLE HATED LONG FINGERNAILS!

You would think girls who spend up to $250 doing up their long acrylic nails have been going around scratching people on their eyeballs and murdering little puppies all the time, just by reading how intense these people are in their united hatred for long nails.

Almost all of the comments were stating the same, retarded points, stated by mostly angry men:


1) CHOP OFF YOUR DAMN NAILS IF YOU WANNA USE THE IPHONE! NODODY IS FORCING YOU TO USE OUR LOVELY HOLY PHONE!


Well, it just so happens that maybe, for some unfathomable reason, girls who have longer nails also want to use the iphone?

They made laptops smaller and lighter for us, and they made pink ipods for us. I don't see why it's not a legitimate complain, or a legitimate expectation for Apple to come up with a product to suit this market, no?

The logic of "If you don't like it you either change to suit the product, or don't buy the product" is completely and utterly RETARDED, not to mention flawed.

Going by that logic, no product would ever have been invented.

Don't like walking long distances? Well, either get healthier or don't walk! Please!! DO NOT INVENT CARS!

It is APPLE that has to improve to fit its consumers, not the other way round.

How many nail palours are there and how many Apple shops are there? You do the math and let me know if this is a good enough market for them.

Just so you know, people who spend money on doing nails also have quite a bit of disposable income. Surely this is a better crowd to target than filthy self-righteous hippies?


2) Girls with long fingernails are high maintenance filthy (and don't forget stupid) whores.


Really?



3) Yes. And nobody likes whores.


You know, it amazes me everytime people hate sluts. I call these girls, including myself, a slut, for the lack of a better word.


WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE HATE SLUTS? I have a good theory about this, but it involves a long explanation.


Really, this is a very simple logic:

Girls who put effort in maintaining their looks are prettier, right? And therefore, since they are prettier and attract more attention, they get more suitors.

When they get more suitors, they fall for more boys (it's proportion and math) than say, AN UGLY GIRL WHO DOESN'T SHAVE HER ARMPITS.


In a typical situation,

Pretty girl - 100 suitors - likes 10% and sleeps with 10.

Ugly girl - 0 suitors - likes people who don't sleep with her.


Therefore, in contrast, who's the slut?

That's not to say that the ugly chick is definitely a Madonna - who's to say she won't have slept with the 100 suitors of the pretty chick if the men wanted to sleep with her?!

Why do people keep saying Paris Hilton is a slut? Besides the fact she wears slutty clothes, has a sex tape and flashes her vagina (I say this is attention-seeking and certainly unabashed, but it is not strictly "slutty" as it has nothing to do with her actually having sex), she only dates pretty ok-looking guys who are like shipping heirs (or singers, whatever). (Source from tabloids)

Would YOU have sex with a good-looking filthy rich shipping heir/rock god? I would (if I were single), and I am not ashamed to say it!

Women find power in men attractive, and if I have my pick of shipping heirs, I think I'd be certainly inclined to sleep with at least some of them!

Ok, maybe my example of Paris is not really appropriate, but what I'm saying is, Would Paris Hilton sleep with a different dirty trucker daily?

Most probably not.

She (I'm guessing) sleeps with eligible cute models often, because they want her! And who can resist cute model-types?


Honestly


My point is, it's much more easy for a pretty girl to be inclined to have sex than an ugly girl, because the pretty girl's choices are way more attractive!!!!!!

Logical what!

Therefore pretty girls can either be prudes or sluts! There's no in between!

And can or should pretty girls be blamed and crucified for fucking attractive men? I SAY NO! WE (yes, included myself) ARE MERELY ACTING ON OUR INSTINCT TO POPULATE THE WORLD WITH GOOD-LOOKING HUMANS!

Can ugly people even begin to UNDERSTAND how difficult it is to resist potential very good-looking sex partners?

Since it is irrefutable that most of them don't know how that feels like, then they have NO RIGHTS to call ANYONE a slut in a derogatory manner.

So now that we have defined what a slut is (ie all girls who put effort into their appearance and have an active sex life), we can further discuss why people hate sluts.

And by discuss I mean I tell you, because I am wise beyond my years.

This is of course with the exception of home-wrecking/boyfriend-stealing/cheating sluts, who are a different breed altogether.


Everyone should love a slut, because sluts are supposed to be easy to get to bed with.


Men are most certainly more than happy to do that, and I don't hear them complaining about the nails especially if they happen to grow on a gorgeous girl's hands and are scratching his back in a toe-curling orgasm.

So the slutty girls don't hate sluts, and the men don't hate sluts. Then who hates sluts?

1) Ineligible men.
The rest of the men whom even the sluts don't wanna sleep with. Bitter, and utterly jealous, they learn to relate things this way:

Chick with elaborate nails -> probably outgoing, gonna have suitors -> Not going to sleep with me -> Remembers past humiliation of being rejected by such girls -> HATE HER! -> I don't want her anyway, she's a dirty whore (lie).



2) Lazy women. I say lazy women because at this time and age, being ugly for females is no longer a birthright. You wanna have babies, you better pluck your hairs and squeeze your blackheads!

With a little bit of determination, money and plastic surgery, ugliness can surely be eliminated!

I'm talking about physical beauty btw. People who refer to inner beauty are retarded because that's truly subjective.

I, for one, find people who do charity and keep asking others to do the same (ie Angelina Jolie. Self-righteous HOMEWRECKING SLUT! But I digress) to not have inner beauty, although most people would say she's saintly. Hilter approves of jew-hating people... Bin Laden approves of self-sacrificing bombers... etc!

God I'd love to see Jolie get leposy. Since she is so goddamn unselfish she can suffer together with poor people... Haha! OMG did I say that out loud? I don't mean it.

So yup, lazy women hate sluts, because these vain girls "spoil the market" for them. They are suddenly made to look even more unattractive than they already are!

PARDON ME FOR LIKING TO LOOK MY BEST!

Not to mention they aren't getting any so it makes them practically hate everyone.


3) The slut's parents.



Yup, so that's the end of my slut rant. I guess it can be summarized into one awesome quote:

"People call us sluts because, being ugly, they have no idea how difficult it is to resist fucking good-looking people."


(Btw I know I am not ultra gorgeous or anything, but for controversy's sake let's pretend I do think I am.)


Pictures to further drive the point home:





Without flash


Close-up.
A glittery pink base with purple and pink crystals!


Chio? These are my own nails - not acrylic! I know it doesn't look very nice on pictures but in real life they are ultra bling!

For the first time I did my own bling nail art! All these years of having crystals lying around and not doing it!

I never bothered because I thought without acrylic, the crystals will fall off very easily, but Shuyin taught me a secret!

I'm passing it on to you: The secret is to diligently put a new coat of clear polish on EVERYDAY.

So far, after 5 days, only 3 large purple ones dropped out. I promptly replaced them!

In total I spent about 1 hour doing this set. Obviously took a little longer for the right hand...

In case most of you don't know, a set of nails like this would cost about $200 at a nail parlour!

Nail salons mostly charge $1 for 1 crystal. That is, obviously, LUDICROUS.

I'd NEVER spend $200 on nails. NEVER! The most I spent was $135 and that's because the woman refused to tell me the charge from the start and I was duped into it. Never again!

Guess what? I calculated, and this is how much it cost to DIY:


150 crystals on nails: Roughly $12

Bus + MRT ride to Arab street to buy the crystals: $3?

Bottle of OPI nail polish: $10 (if you buy from Transdesign.com, including shipping)

Your willingness to give $250 to manicurists: Priceless



Girl with long (assumed fake) nails: High maintenance whore


Since some of you asked to see my hair and piercing, I shall oblige!



Bling on my chio hair!



New extensions!
Blonde mixed with my own colour, and tinsel strands




About 100 gold and pink (Yes, I am damn hardcore. Most people put like 5 glitter strands.

How pretty are they?! They remind me of My Little Pony's tail. :D

These strands are crazily amazing ok!! Not only do they never fall off (mixed into the extensions), they can withstand washing, blow-drying, and best of all, TONGING!! They do not melt!



The awesome girls at City Plaza added crystals on my hair for me! I think Swarovski endorse me lor, I got so many of their products on myself daily...

It's really simple... They just use the clip they use for clipping extensions, and they stick a gem on it! Clever hor? It's been around 3 weeks and none dropped (anyway I got all these colours so I can stick them back on if they did, HAHAHA!! Hardcore!)



Girls with tongue piercings = Sluts who will give a blowjob to random people at the drop of a hat

Gotta love stereotypes


Totally swollen

Just pierced my helix!

It is PAINFUL LIKE HELL.

I've got a high tolerance of pain, and I have got to say that piercing the Helix is the worst of all!

I've pierced it before, but I couldn't stand sleeping on one side anymore so I let it close.

Anyway, as I was saying... Painful!

I had it pierced at 77 Street for $5 bucks... The piercing itself is not painful, but the healing process is agony!

Later on, sick of having the sharp end of the earring tangling my hair and poking me, I decided to put a standard ring on it instead.

Needless to say this CANNOT be done at home and you need a professional to help you do it.

So I chose my ring from Primitive Art at Queensway ($35! Gold with pink gem) and the nice girl there helped me put it through.

The piercing is straight and the ring is curved (and thick), so it took nearly 15 minutes to poke it through!! The process was almost intolerably painful and I took a glimpse at the mirror to see my ear bleeding like crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it's chio! Anyway, helix piercings are really common, but now I have new-found respect for the people who didn't let it close. It's much easier to maintain with a ring (or barbell) though, so if you wanna do it I suggest using needle instead of gun!

I think my favourite piercing is still my tongue! Tongue piercings are really comfortable after maybe 4 days of annoying pain. After that it totally won't bother you anymore and you can change a stud everyday to match your clothes!

I just spent USD$80 at bodycandy.com on many, many multi-coloured tongue studs. Hahaha!

Change topic!



That day I sat on a most amazing cab!!

Got shitloads of stuff on it! See if you can spot them.


On the rearview:

- Goggles (Uncle: I use that to swim every morning)

- V strong flashlight

- Exercise hand muscle squeezing thing... I don't know what it's called (Uncle: I drive 16 hours so I squeeze that to keep me awake)

- Some sort of perfume?!

- A baton!? To hit non-paying customers with, I presume


On the steering:

- Calculator
- Phone
- Two balled up lumps of cloth which I notice he grasps to drive?!

On the top flaps:

- Back scratcher (I suppose even Cabbies get itchy sometimes)

- Paintbrush (???)

- About 300 talismans and clips

- Biggest signboard saying "Pasir Ris" and "City" I've ever seen



I had a lot of fun looking at his stuff. :D I wanna have a car so I put shitloads of gadgets on it too!

Ok, this blog post shall end abruptly here.

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