Can't sleep.... I've got my advanced driving test today at 1130am, but my mind is so filled with buzzing thoughts I can't really absorb all that shit. Why is it that when you are in a higher gear your engine uses less power?? I don't geddit??
So. Yesterday night I got incredibly vexed.
I wonder if it is true that when you gain friends you will also lose friends, such that your amount of friends will more or less be always equal?
BFF auditions have ended, and I'm down to my final 2 picks, which I have not chosen yet. I like them both a lot, and of course, these are the two new friends I gained.
As for the 2 that I lost... Well, it's a long story. Why not? I'll tell it to you.
I've known Guy X for 4 years, and we've always been close. And then, about 1 year ago, I got to know Girl X. I like her a lot, and the first time I actually met her, I brought Guy X along with me.
They got introduced to each other, hit it off, and started a relationship.
During the course of their year-long relationship, I was very close to the two of them.
One day, Guy X was found cheating on Girl X. Cheating... Had the intention to cheat. Semantics. To me, whether caught in the act or not does not make a difference.
Girl X was devastated.
Time passed after this break up. More drama ensued, as a close friend, let's call him T, told Girl X, with her heavy coaxing, some more dirty secrets of Guy X.
This close friend T was in love with Girl X, and has been for the longest time.
Of course, Guy X is furious with T for betraying his trust, and vowed to seek revenge on him.
Initially after the break up, Girl X told everyone that she will never get back together with Guy X.
Guy X, however, persisted in winning her back as he claims he loves her a lot. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep... He was at her beck and call, and Girl X is pretty good at mind-fucking him. He was in a horrible state.
I kept my silence for 1 month.
I had found out that Girl X has been telling others that she was merely playing Guy X - manipulating his feelings.
She has moved on to liking other guys, and she made out with that above-mentioned close friend T.
Initially, I gave her the benefit of doubt.
I thought she was in a self-destructive phase because she was so hurt and so sad.
But time passed and nothing changed. Girl X was still flirting with other guys happily. At least, that was my impression. Meanwhile, Guy X knew nothing of what's happening. I wondered if I should tell him.
Well... Guy X managed to coax me to tell him.
Although Girl X was also my friend, I told him what I knew, because he told me he was suffering and he NEEDED a reason to walk away.
He told me he lost 8kg. I felt so sorry for him because when I met him, he was really a bag of bones.
I told him he didn't need to walk away forever.
Just calm down, give the relationship a short break for like 2 weeks. When you two are no longer clouded by emotions, then make the decision whether to get back like adults.
And I told Guy X... I said... If I tell you the information I know, you must SWEAR not to tell Girl X ANYTHING that I said, because it will jeopardise my friendship with her, and not only that, it will also drag my informant into big trouble.
He said he promise.
I made him swear UPON MY LIFE.
He said OK.
After hearing all those reasons why he should walk away, Guy X was still hankering after Girl X. They were meeting every night. They still had relations going on. And yes... All this while as I said, Girl X has moved on with someone else; had relations with someone else. Guy X didn't mind. He chose to forgive.
I don't give a shit about that.
I do give a shit about this:
He not only blabbed, he sold me out, as well as the poor innocent person who told me the info. He not only confronted Girl X with the facts that I told him, he also conveniently told her EVERY single thing I said about her, including my opinion that I think Girl X is scary.
I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF I AM SHAKING AS I WRITE THIS.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THE NERVE OF GUY X.
There he was, sitting on his high horse, BERATING HIS CLOSE FRIEND T FOR SELLING HIM OUT......... SAYING HE WOULD NEVER DO THE SAME TO HIS FRIENDS.....
Why was T wrong? Because T was in love with Girl X and he thought that Girl X was the victim??
BECAUSE GIRL X SAID THE EXACT SAME THING AS HIM, that she needed a reason to walk away??
He turns right around and backstabbed me... Why?
Because he wants to gain Girl X's trust?
No... Scratch that. I fucking have NO IDEA why he would go and tell her.
If he chose to forgive her actions, then why didn't he just keep his silence and keep going with her?
If he chose NOT to forgive, then just walk away! Didn't have to give any justifications!
I WAS HIS FRIEND FOR FUCKING FOUR YEARS OK!
YOU GO FUCKING THINK ABOUT EVERY-SINGLE-FUCKING-THING I'VE DONE FOR YOU.
The final glorious thing I did for you...
Before you kicked me off to the Land of Negligible Sworn Lives...
Because I thought that she was stronger than you.
AND YOU USED MY LIFE AS YOUR CASUAL SWEARING TOKEN.... AS A FLIMSY EXCHANGE FOR WHAT?
When you wanted to go to KL to go for a girl, who went with you? When you said you are upset and needed to meet, who without fail went to meet you?
When everyone was despising you for cheating on Girl X, WHO FUCKING STOOD BY YOUR SIDE, HEARD YOUR STORY AND TRIED TO CONVINCE HER TO GIVE U A SECOND CHANCE?
WHENEVER YOU ASKED ME TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, HAVE I EVER SAID NO?
IS THIS HOW YOU REPAY ME?
If I die tomorrow, can you answer to my mother? Can you tell her in her face that it's because of your freaking LOVE for Girl X? HUH? Can you?
I don't think you feel guilty over this. Nope... I don't think so. Why? Because the only people who matter to you are those you "love". Family... And your current love interest, whomever it may be.
Friends... What are friends?
It's ok to fuck them over, because with your superb talking skills, you can convince them to not be angry later on.
Go ask yourself how many times you have done shit to me and I have forgiven you.
When you did shit to my girlfriends... Multiple times... When you promised to help Mike in his job search and never delivered...
No need for excuses. I am done listening. You have the gift of the gab, I give you that. You can sell milk to a cow easily.
But I'm done.
I don't need friends who will casually fuck me over for vagina... and yes, even for your stupid fuck-shit dogs that I don't give a flying fuck about. I'll give it another kick down the stairs now if I could.
What's the big deal? It's just a stupid dog leh...
Life of a fellow human you also can casually throw around like it's NOTHING to you... meaning my life is worth less than your dogs?
I know where I stand with you now. If you wish to do harmful things to me like what you wish to do to T, all I can say is, go ahead and do it.
Think about all the things I can also do to you. All the things you said to me in private about others I could tell them.... A mention of your name, or your photo on this blog....
BUT I WON'T, OK?
You know why? Because friendship is not meant as a revenge tool like that. When you confided in me, it is because you trusted me. I won't use it against you just because I am mad at you.
I remember the numerous good things you have done for me, and I forgive. Yes, I am angry now, but I forgive you. I just won't talk to you ever again.
And I'll die knowing that I did you no wrong, and when I tried to help you, you kicked me in the face.
Right. I shall calm down. Back to the story.
So now, Girl X is very angry, hurt, and disappointed with me. She told our mutual friend that she has told Guy X the truth about her actions the past month. She broke things off cleanly with her new guy.
Now, she says, Guy X wants her back, and Girl X wants him back. So they are back together!
What an awesome reunion.
They truly deserve each other. I am saying this is a matter-of-fact way.
In this world, there are some people who respect relationships and commitment.
These are the people that will never cheat, because fucking 2 people at the same time is just plain disgusting, not to say hurtful to the other party you love.
And then there are Cheaters. Unfortunately, the world is filled with unions of Cheaters and Non-Cheaters, such that the Non-Cheater will of course, eventually get hurt.
Thus, Cheaters should always date fellow Cheaters. This way, fewer honest people will get hurt in their quests for endless attention, correct?
I am SUPERBLY angry with myself. In my effort to help a relationship, all I did was to kick myself in the nutsack, metaphorically speaking.
that I WILL NEVER, EVER GIVE OUT
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE AGAIN.
Because people in bad relationships LOVE it.
They love the drama, the mind games, the breaking and patching, the abuse, the shouting matches, the suicide attempts.
It's true! They love every moment of it!!
What's the point of advising Carrie to drop Big and go for Aidan?
No point, because when destructive people like that are faced with honest, good types, they get bored and they start unleashing abuse on the these honest, good people.
So don't be stupid like me, ok? If your friend is one of these, don't bother telling to say shit about his/her partner in an effort to make him/her leave the relationship.
What will just happen is that your friend will conveniently tell his/her partner every-single-fucking-thing you said, and the next time you see them together, things will be immensely awkward.
Yup. I have been really, really dumb.
Regarding Girl X. I've nothing against her. She did nothing to me, and her personal choices that don't affect me are not my business. As I mentioned at the start, I like her very much, because she is very bubbly, funny, and she's a very loyal friend. She has been nothing but nice to me, and I've been nothing but that to her too, except for the way I handled this incident.
I sent her an email apologizing for letting Guy X know the truth without consulting her first, and yes, I am sincerely sorry for that.
I should have spoken to you, but you were right... I was being a coward because I didn't know how to face you. All I can say is that I am sorry.
I don't wish be involved in all these sagas anymore.
I just want to write my script properly and be happy with undramatic, peaceful friends... and my undramatic, peaceful Mike.