2009-07-21

How many times do I have to say it? I DON'T FUCKING WANT AN IPHONE!

THIS SHITTY ARTICLE I accidentally had the misfortune to read that day pissed me off really bad.

According to them,

"iPhone users are happier.

Their phones are smarter.

And BlackBerry users have a serious (not minor, mind you) case of iPhone envy."



I'm sorry to say this, but no.


ALL the blackberry users I've ever met are exceedingly happy with their berries, with the exception of one lone guy who said he'd rather have an iPhone because he is forced to use a berry by his company. Some are even iPhone converts.

I don't give a shit about the fucking iPhone and whether it trumps the Berry, but iRetards putting words in our (by our I mean Berry users) mouths saying we SECRETLY COVET an iPhone just FUCKING PISSES ME OFF!

This article is written by Rebecca Lieb who is CLEARLY an iRetard herself.

I read the survey by Crowd Science which she based her article on, hell, even went to see the graphs and all, and nowhere in the survey shows that iPhony people are happier, or that their phones are smarter (omg so baseless it's making me bristle I'm so pissed off), or that BLACKBERRY USERS HAVE A SERIOUS (mind you, not minor) CASE OF IPHONE ENVY.


1) iPhone Envy

The Blackberry Bold and iPhone 3G BOTH launched in August 2008. A new handset of Bold without a plan is STILL selling for $800++.

How much are iPhones 3G now? I'm sure you know the answer is embarrassing compared to that of the price of a berry. ;)

Oh, is that not fair now, because of 3GS coming out? Therefore iPhone 3G's price went down?

The Javelin Curve 8900 came out AFTER the Blackberry Bold. Smaller, lighter, with a better camera. Both the bold AND curve's prices never dipped. What now, iRetard?

Don't say I didn't provide statistics: BOLD PRICES VS IPHONE PRICES, by Singtel.

Oh wow, with a price plan of about $50 monthly, the Bold is actually more expensive than the iPhone 3GS! No wonder unemployed people and students can all afford it.

I have now proven that Blackberries are generally more expensive than iPhones.

And this is NOT INCLUDING monthly Blackberry data plans which is almost crucial for every Berry user. The unlimited plans are $36, $63 and $63 respectively for Starhub, M1 and Singtel, ON TOP OF normal phone plans.


So tell me: Is it even logical that Blackberry users are secretly craving for an iPhone?


What the hell are we waiting for then? We can actually sell the berry, cancel our data plans, and MAKE A PROFIT... At the same time satisfying our lusty, innate attraction to the mighty iPhone!

But no thanks, that would make us iRetards.

LOGIC FAIL.



2) Stupid surveys are done by stupid people


Firstly, people who do online surveys are retarded, and we know how many iPhone users are JUST THAT RETARDED.

Secondly, the whole Crowd Science survey was CLEARLY iPhone-centered. If you are doing to ask do a survey titled "iPhone vs Other Smartphones Poll", who do you think will answer?

You think Blackberry users will bother to do your stupid shitass survey about iPhones? THINK AGAIN.

And I'm proven right again: Click HERE if you can be bothered to see the details of the survey.

Right there on the last page - It states clearly that they have a puny Blackberry user base. Expectedly so.


3) Boohoo... Blackberry users don't use wifi!


According to Rebecca Lieb, "(iRetards) take advantage of a myriad of iPhone features, particularly online apps and services."

I get it - she's trying to insinuate that people who use smartphones other than iPhones are too dumb to take advantage of the phone's intelligence. Only iRetards are smart enough to use the internet on their phone!

And what's her evidence of this? According to her article, a stupid Wireless network operating in airports report that their users are mostly iRetards.

I don't know what sort of journalist does shoddy research like this, but let me tell you this: Blackberry users DO NOT need wifi at airports because Berry users all have Blackberry data plans.

We don't need to PAY for wifi. Most people with berries have their companies paying for their internet usage.

iRetards.

I fucking had enough of iRetards and their general high opinions of themselves. I believe that Apple evangelists think even higher of their own IQ than, say, Rubik's Cube Enthusiasts.

As I twittered, here's my impression of a grunting mentally subpar raving iFanboy:

"EVERYONE HAS APPLE ENVY AND SECRETLY WANTS AN APPLE!
"

Face it: Sometimes people sincerely like oranges, stop shoving your shit down people's throats!



And since people always like to kao peh about how much better iPhones are than any other phone in the world, I'm gonna give you a list of...


100 REASONS WHY THE BERRY
IS BETTER THAN THE IPHONE



1) iPhone users includes Plasticzilla and jobless Bradley Farless. If you use an iphone, you are in the same league as them.

2) Oh, you guy recently just got Push Email? The Berry has been doing it since 2002. My, that's 7 years ago.

3) You all think you look so cool with all the finger swiping actions. You just look like Tom Cruise in Minority Report: RETARDED.

4) Our phones don't try to BURN us to death.

Evidence 1, 2, 3, 4.

iPhones apparently get so hot they turn red and might actually explode! ALERT ALERT PLASTICZILLA!

Oh it's ok babe I just checked and silicon melts at 1410 degree celsius. Your nose, chin and forehead are safe! :D


5) Our batteries are not only non-explosive, they can also be interchanged when our batteries run out of juice.

6) And speaking of which our battery life is much longer.

7) Windows hates Apple so your MSN sucks and always will. Sorry.

8) The mighty Blackberry Messenger. Comes built-in with Berry. Trumps every chat program on phones, hands down.

Comes with nudges, ability to send files, group chat etc. Tells you if your chat message is unsent, delivered or read. Alerts you when your chat partner comes back to the phone. Ability to send your location. Ability to boardcast message to all contacts. Berry-to-Berry users everywhere in the world chat for free.

9) I'm sorry, can your applications still not do something as simple as running in the background?

How basic and important is this? We Berry users try to load a website, let it load in the background, and go on MSN to chat, or check out our twitter updates. It's never boring waiting with the Berry because every-single-application can be run in the background.

Some applications even update themselves and ding us when we want them to!

10) Berry users don't need stupid iTunes to upload songs or files. Drag and drop.

11) Expandable memory card space.

12) Got a paper cut on your finger pad and had to put a plaster on it? Freezing cold and you are using gloves? You still can use the Berry.

13) Consideration towards girls with long nails and boys with fat fingers.

14) Did I mention this yet? We have QWERTY KEYBOARDS if you want a Berry with one.

15) LED light on the phone has option to flash multiple colours to indicate if you have an email, BBM message, MSN message, FB message, SMS or Missed calls. Why? Because all these functions are in-house RIM (that's Blackberry's company name) programs.

This is important because you don't even need to pick up the phone to know who's contacting you via which method.

16) The iPhone's camera has no flash... Now the 3GS has no flash on BOTH cameras! HAHAHA! That's like having 2 hands with no fingers on them, only slightly better than having 1 hand with no fingers on it. What's that? No zoom too? No wonder your twitpics are always so shitty.

17) Got people you dial often? It only takes ONE press-and-hold of any key you assigned to them to call them - on the Berry.

18) Men who use blackberries have larger penises than men who use iPhones. I gathered my statistics from a respectable survey by BiasedforBlackberries.com. I didn't just make that website up.

19) Ok I'm getting really sleepy now.

20) iPhone users are smellier. Also survey results. I sniffed a pool of iPhone and Berry users to conclude this.

21) iPhones are supposed to be cool? How come all the celebrities are using Berries?

22) iPhone evangelists are twats.

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Are my 100 reasons fab or what?


iPhonies are always licking each others' assholes, saying how they are smarter, more savvy, more fun, richer, better-looking, etc etc...


The only absolutely proven thing about
iPhone users is that they are more buay paiseh.


Geez... Self Praise much??


(Buay paiseh = shameless)


Every comment defending the iPhone will be deleted.

I don't give a shit about your dumbass evangelism and how you are superior just coz you use an iPhone. I hate Apple evangelisers and WILL NOT let you use my blog as your advertising platform.

Go fucking write your shitass opinions on your own, doubtlessly, zen-looking blog containing photos of the third-world country visits you made. Quit bothering me.


p/s: If you are an iPhone user who never evangelized to me or have ever acknowledged that the iPhone also has its flaws, then I'm not talking about you.

p/p/s: Oh and fuck you Rebecca Lieb. Quit spreading lies!

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