A Useful Study

Wanted to tweet this on Twitter but said website is down at the moment so here I am, blogging a short post!

All sorts of studies are done everyday. Many are thoroughly useless and stupid.

My friend just told me he has to watch over a few hundred hours of sneakily taken Hornbill videos to conclude how many hornbill moms eat their chicks. Or something like that.

He told me that he saw a mummy hornbill kill 3 of her 4 chicks, but honestly, knowing that sort of information does no one any good, except if you are a hornbill male and you wanna fuck but don't want babies.

But of course hornbill males have no idea how to calculate probability so this information is also useless to them.

Anyway, my point is that studies should be a bit more useful!

A very good one I can think of is:

What percentage of forgiven
cheating scumbags cheat again?

And I mean like after you forgive your boyfriend for cheating on you, would he just do it again?

Is it true, once a cheater, always a cheater?

Don't you think that's fucking useful information to know?

Say after polling 100,000 cheating scumbags, statistics prove that 99.99% of them cheat again, whether or not they were found out - will that affect your decision to take back a wayward boyfriend?

Or will you still naively believe that he is the 0.01%?

Other useful studies:

- Percentage of men who abuse women and promise never to do it again but does it again anyway.

- Percentage of men whose penises actually enlarged after using penis-enlargement kits (For you guys to stop having false hopes!)

- Percentage of people who think they are fat who are really fat. If this number is low enough, it would convince me, "Hey, I can't possibly be that 1%, right?

Therefore, I must not be fat." I realise this spirals into a logic blackhole (ie when I don't think I'd fat, I'd be part of the 99% who doesn't think I'm fat but actually is), but fuck off.

- Percentage of bad boys who become family men... eventually.

If this percentage is low enough, women will generally stop fucking bad boys in the hopes they reform, and bad boys will not get sex and then be forced to be good guys. This then ups the statistics so it's a vicious cycle. I'm rambling and I can't stop.

I admit that most of my requested statistics are skewed towards women's advantages, further alienating the already-tiny straight male portion of my blog readers.

Poof. Last 2 straight male readers gone.

It's inevitable they are dwindling. I refuse to place my jugs on the table and take subtle (but obvious, like, OH, ARE THEY SPILLING OUT? I HAD NO IDEA!) photos of them.


REGRET statistics would be useful too:

- Percentage of people who regret going to college, and percentage of people who never went regretting not going.

- Percentage of people who regret having plastic surgery (If I knew this stat I'd be much more placated deciding on whether I should do my nose job.)

-Percentage of people who regret cheating. I really would love to know the answer for this...

Etc... You get the idea!

USEFUL STUDIES RIGHT??? Instead of stupid studies like whether iphone users are smarter and happier!

Regret studies are awesome. Imagine you wanna sign up for facebook.

First, you check the regret statistics for facebook sign-ups, because people who still don't have facebook probably would do something like that.

Say it's really low, at 5%. Everyone else is elated they joined. Would you join?

OMG!!!! I'd do the regret statistics and sell the good ones to advertisers!

the companies will have new marketing campaigns!

ie. Coca-cola: "Open Happiness guaranteed at 90%!!***"

Macdonalds: "I'm lovin' it 86%!"

Nike: "91% of people just do it!"

*** According to the very reliable Xiaxue Regret Statistics.

Can't decide if you'd rather go to Bintan or Bali? Check out the cross-reference Regret Statistics.

Wanna tattoo a snowman? Check out how many Snowman-tattooed people are regretting their choice first.

Fancy like taking a risk? Try one of the high Regret Factor actions such as smearing feces on your face.

It's all awesome!

p/s: How many forgiven cheating scumbags cheat again? Let me know your personal experiences on this!

UPDATE: Don't know why I bother asking opinions when I don't believe girls who say their cheater boyfriends changed anyway.

I think they either didn't find out about further cheating, are lying to themselves, or that the boyfriend just HASN'T cheated (again) yet.

Is it very bad to scoff at such girls?

And a lot of you have cheated! Was it worth it, in your opinion? Would do it again if you had the chance to?

And no Mike didn't cheat on me.

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