2009-08-26

Bleah

I'm lying in bed now, having just woken up.

My poor blog looks so stupid with no updates I've decided to tell you all about my mediocre day yesterday.

First I woke up at 11am and the sun was blazing hot. Then I called my friend and yelled at him, "Omg let's go tanning!!!!"

My friend said ok, but he needs to go to the gym first. I said I'd meet him at his place at 1.30pm then.

Boiled potatoes to make mashed potatoes. Talked to shuyin on msn. Burnt potatoes. Whole house smelt like burnt potatoes. Hahahaha! I'm so descriptive. Ok fine, it smelt rancid.

Cut off the burnt parts. Mashed potatoes with some water (no milk at home), chunks of butter and a dollop of mayo. It's fab. I make fab mashed potatoes.

Mike came home for lunch.

Pumpkin pooped on the shoe rack. Got walloped and time-out-ed in her toilet. (Till later)

Packed potatoes in microwaveable rectangular plastic box and left for friend's place. Took a cab. Had the cleverness to call him before I reached to find out he is still ta pao-ing food at cineleisure.

I stopped the cab there (he stays in orchard, has own swimming pool!!), and he went to buy LJS while I bought the fake jap food from cine's basement.

Meanwhile, went to do do club (just beside food place) with the intentions to buy fake eyelashes, if they got nice ones.


I picked 4.


The price was $19.80!

I jumped and said, "Why so expensive??"

Woman said coz one packet is $4.95.

I said, "Oh you all increased the price, used to be $3.80."

Stupid woman said, "No, it has always been this price."

Retard to the max! I clearly remember it was $3.80 coz I must have bought at least 40 pairs of lashes from there! Always been $4.95 my ass!! Always been that price since she's been working there maybe!!

So I said, "I don't want it anymore."

The semi-evolved human said, "Huh, all of them?"

I answered in the affirmative.

She yelled, "But I already keyed them in!!" And acted like I have to do her a favour and pay up $19.80 just coz she already keyed my lashes in!!! Wtf??

It's not my problem that she keyed it in and I told her as much. Ridiculous.

Walked away. Nobody stopped me, although I'm sure they would be cursing me for the rest of the day.

With food, went to my friend's place, took off clothes (with bikini left of course) and AHHHHhhhhhh! Sun!! We had a decadent time eating at the pool.

Tanned till 5pm. I was a bit burnt.

Wongsie and mike then came over (asked Mike to release Pumpkin from Time-Out) and all 4 of us went to Jumbo seafood to eat.

We had drunken prawns, scallops wrapped in yam, mee goreng, spinach and mushroom tofu, and kang kong! It was not bad.

Then we adjoined to The Daily Scoop for ice cream, which was closed. Went to Udders instead. I had Strawberry Fields and Cempedak icecream!!

And then mike sent everyone home and we went home too.

I started reading My Sister's Keeper. It's promising. Finished to page 15.

Fell asleep till now.

And this is the first blog post written on my berry!!

Read The Full Article
2009-08-22

My life is drama-less and boring

Nothing's happening, so no updates. Boo!

Almost wish someone would piss me off.

No pictures either coz had nothing interesting to take pictures of.

Read The Full Article
2009-08-18

More Rolling, now for men!

Advertorial

Remember my Loreal-Garnier Eye Roll-On advertorial? Now Biotherm came up with a product similar to that, but for guys!!




Tadah!

The Biotherm High Recharge Yeux!


Have no idea what Yeux means but it sure sounds all sciencey and like something that your eyes would love!

Eyebags and dark eye rings are unattractive for BOTH men and women, but the difference is that there are loads of products for women to help them with this problem!

I have like 5 different eye creams myself. -_-

But none for men - till now!

This little tube contains Pure Ginseng and Thermal Plankton among other ingredients to soothe tired eyes! It's an instant solution for men when it comes to erasing eye fatigue!






This little cold metal ball gives easy application... it dispenses a cool, clear gel which perks up and feels good against drowsy eyes.

Instant freshness!



Men are usually lazy when it comes to the maintenance of their appearances, but there are ways to "persuade" them to work harder.


How far would men go doing crazy, slightly gross, and very questionable home remedies on their eyes just because they are asked by a gorgeous girl?


Biotherm did a hilarious campaign just to find this out!

Check out these poor dudes:



I would never have believed it, but these guys allowed Jeanne, the "Eye-Fatigue Therapist", to put DURIANS on their eyes!!

I love durians perhaps more than most people, but I won't allow durians on my eyes lor!

And two whole durians (seeds, not the spiky fruit, duh, that would be so painful)?? So sticky... and worse, the smell will be ON YOUR FACE for the whole day!

Hahahaha...



My second favourite video is SALMON!

Would anyone really believe that putting a slab of really fishy-smelling raw salmon on your eyes would curb fatigue??

These guys try it anyway!!


If you are really sadistic and want to watch more guys getting duped, putting things like bittergourds, cheese and grass jelly on their eyes, CLICK HERE!


But at the end of the day, of course, only Biotherm's HIGH RECHARGE YEUX works.



As Takeshi Kaneshiro endorses with his royal handsomeness.


I put some on Mike...




Poor guy has been sleeping very little due to his heavy workload...


Me to Mike, "It's all yours... Stop being lazy and..."




Men should be trained to be more vain!!


Wooooo! Promotion!

To get a COMPLIMENTARY eye massage, skin consultation and free samples from Biotherm's consultants, all you have to do is:

SMS BIOTHERM [space]

YOUR FIRST NAME [space]

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS to

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Click here to see the list of outlets you may go to go get your freebies!!


It's time to drag your boyfriend down there and get him cuter!








p/s: You know who should really use this? J Lo's husband, Marc Anthony!




His eyebags/dark eye circles really makes him look like a combination of vulture and vampire.












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I often have nightmares about Mike.

The most common recurring one is about him generally just flying back to the USA and being totally uncontactable.

It's always night during those dreams and would involve me bombarding his phone but constantly typing in the wrong number!

When I finally get his number right, I'd either get

- An engaged tone. (WTF giving me hope)

- A message saying the phone number is no longer in use.

- An unhelpful helpdesk sorta person telling me Mike already left the country and his location is not to be revealed to me, which often results in me begging her.

- Mike himself picking up and telling me to stop bothering him, and I can never find him.



It's fucking horrible!!!!!

I presume I get these nightmares coz I'm still traumatized over the few alcoholic occasions when he went drinking with his colleagues and went uncontactable. HATE IT!

Anyway, yesterday I had the worst nightmare regarding Mike EVER.

It was so long and continuous and contained so much details I twittered 7 tweets about it.

Anyway, my followers on Twitter told me to go blog instead so here I am!

It started out with Mike going out with my family members on some trip.

Suddenly he collapsed to the ground. My uncles and cousins all tried to pick him up.

I was obviously damn worried he died so I kept shrieking at people to send him to the goddamn hospital. Everyone told me to relax, which pissed me off greatly.

For some reason we were in Ang Mo Kio and finally an ambulance from Ang Mo Kio hospital came and picked the still unconscious Mike into a green stretcher.

A female doctor in a surgical gown (green too, with green gloves) was operating on Mike as me and my family members looked on anxiously. Well I knew I was anxious, not sure about my dream family.

While on the operating table, there was an LED screen near to Mike and it was flashing red words. These were details about Mike. The words read "Mike, 28, DIVORCEE".

I know technically it should read "Divorced", but please don't correct my grammar in a dream.

Anyway, so it was revealed that Mike was freaking MARRIED before he met me!!!!!!!

Everyone was very shocked by this revelation and my family all gave me pitying looks.

I was like, "WHO IS THIS MIKE GUY? I don't know him at all!" in my mind but I was actually more concerned about his physical state!

Anyway, the doctor was damn curt and said Mike had a heart attack.


I woke up.

And fell back asleep again, continuing the dream.


Mike recovered and suddenly he was cheating on me with this girl called Vivian, who is a friend's friend that I just added on facebook. I haven't even seen Vivian in seriously like 8 years!!! And 8 years ago I maybe saw her like 3 times!!

WTF lor super ridiculous.

So anyway, this Vivian was at our new place and she and Mike were already together!

It was damn awkward.

For some reason Vivian was like watching me as I chose clothes to wear.

And I chose this white top and black skirt... Then I set the black skirt down as I wore the white top, and couldn't find the black skirt. Then I had to settle for a white with black polka dots skirt.

Anyway, the white top was MESH and the skirt was damn ugly so essentially I dressed really hideously in front of Vivian who scoffed at me!

And Mike gave her a loving look which obviously said, "See, she's so ugly, thank god I chose you!"

I then somehow suggested to Mike that I should "get the house" and he can move out, and he actually replied, "That's what you were hoping for, isn't it?"

Which is completely illogical coz the house is a rental.

And then my friends were there to support and comfort me. I didn't realise it during the dream, but I've fought with these friends in real life and are no longer in contact with them. Goddamn it, as if the dream wasn't bad enough already!

I started to actually physically fight him, and woke up at this point.


Sucks balls man.


Poor Mike (the real one) had to suffer 15 mins of my "Were you ever married?" questions.

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2009-08-16

A Useful Study

Wanted to tweet this on Twitter but said website is down at the moment so here I am, blogging a short post!

All sorts of studies are done everyday. Many are thoroughly useless and stupid.

My friend just told me he has to watch over a few hundred hours of sneakily taken Hornbill videos to conclude how many hornbill moms eat their chicks. Or something like that.

He told me that he saw a mummy hornbill kill 3 of her 4 chicks, but honestly, knowing that sort of information does no one any good, except if you are a hornbill male and you wanna fuck but don't want babies.

But of course hornbill males have no idea how to calculate probability so this information is also useless to them.

Anyway, my point is that studies should be a bit more useful!

A very good one I can think of is:

What percentage of forgiven
cheating scumbags cheat again?



And I mean like after you forgive your boyfriend for cheating on you, would he just do it again?

Is it true, once a cheater, always a cheater?

Don't you think that's fucking useful information to know?

Say after polling 100,000 cheating scumbags, statistics prove that 99.99% of them cheat again, whether or not they were found out - will that affect your decision to take back a wayward boyfriend?

Or will you still naively believe that he is the 0.01%?

Other useful studies:

- Percentage of men who abuse women and promise never to do it again but does it again anyway.

- Percentage of men whose penises actually enlarged after using penis-enlargement kits (For you guys to stop having false hopes!)

- Percentage of people who think they are fat who are really fat. If this number is low enough, it would convince me, "Hey, I can't possibly be that 1%, right?

Therefore, I must not be fat." I realise this spirals into a logic blackhole (ie when I don't think I'd fat, I'd be part of the 99% who doesn't think I'm fat but actually is), but fuck off.

- Percentage of bad boys who become family men... eventually.

If this percentage is low enough, women will generally stop fucking bad boys in the hopes they reform, and bad boys will not get sex and then be forced to be good guys. This then ups the statistics so it's a vicious cycle. I'm rambling and I can't stop.

I admit that most of my requested statistics are skewed towards women's advantages, further alienating the already-tiny straight male portion of my blog readers.

Poof. Last 2 straight male readers gone.

It's inevitable they are dwindling. I refuse to place my jugs on the table and take subtle (but obvious, like, OH, ARE THEY SPILLING OUT? I HAD NO IDEA!) photos of them.


Oooooh!!!


REGRET statistics would be useful too:

- Percentage of people who regret going to college, and percentage of people who never went regretting not going.

- Percentage of people who regret having plastic surgery (If I knew this stat I'd be much more placated deciding on whether I should do my nose job.)

-Percentage of people who regret cheating. I really would love to know the answer for this...

Etc... You get the idea!


USEFUL STUDIES RIGHT??? Instead of stupid studies like whether iphone users are smarter and happier!

Regret studies are awesome. Imagine you wanna sign up for facebook.

First, you check the regret statistics for facebook sign-ups, because people who still don't have facebook probably would do something like that.

Say it's really low, at 5%. Everyone else is elated they joined. Would you join?


OMG!!!! I'd do the regret statistics and sell the good ones to advertisers!

All
the companies will have new marketing campaigns!

ie. Coca-cola: "Open Happiness guaranteed at 90%!!***"

Macdonalds: "I'm lovin' it 86%!"

Nike: "91% of people just do it!"


*** According to the very reliable Xiaxue Regret Statistics.


Can't decide if you'd rather go to Bintan or Bali? Check out the cross-reference Regret Statistics.

Wanna tattoo a snowman? Check out how many Snowman-tattooed people are regretting their choice first.

Fancy like taking a risk? Try one of the high Regret Factor actions such as smearing feces on your face.

It's all awesome!


p/s: How many forgiven cheating scumbags cheat again? Let me know your personal experiences on this!

UPDATE: Don't know why I bother asking opinions when I don't believe girls who say their cheater boyfriends changed anyway.

I think they either didn't find out about further cheating, are lying to themselves, or that the boyfriend just HASN'T cheated (again) yet.

Is it very bad to scoff at such girls?

And a lot of you have cheated! Was it worth it, in your opinion? Would do it again if you had the chance to?

And no Mike didn't cheat on me.

Read The Full Article
2009-08-14

VIDEO UPDATES!

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Guide to Weird Stuff!
Ever wondered how edible panties taste like? I try it!



National Day special!
Guide to the horrible Great Singapore Workout!



Guide to ghosts! Interview with a hilarious pontianiak and a pocong.

Not to be mistaken with Potong, the delicious ice cream.


CHICK VS DICK



Is it true you can't eat 6 crackers in under a min?

Watch them try!



National day special! Kaykay and Paul's version of
Don't forget the lyrics, Singapore style!

BORED IN BIKINIS




Sonia and Xuesha hits the gym!



The girls try their hand at newscasting!
Don't think they will be hired soonish.

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2009-08-05

Really ridiculous prices for your Adobe products!

Advertorial

It's no secret that I am in love with Adobe Photoshop. My whole entire internet image is based on Photoshop.

If I am forced to never use Photoshop again, I will never take another photo of my face.

(Fine, I am exaggerating. I know I do not photoshop my Photos of the Moment, but that's coz they are blurry shots and anyway I don't post many photos of myself there!)

I'd say that two of my favourite blog entries are centered around photoshop!

Here's the one where I photoshop various people to look better, and here's the one who where I photoshop the ugliest childhood photos of myself.



My Photoshop Gems!







Transform Plasticzilla into a chio bu without going through all her real life PS.







Made Jack Black look like Ashton Kutcher! Amazing not?!


Anyway, loads of loads of you have asked me where to purchase Photoshop from. Well, this blog entry is gonna tell some of you REALLY good news!

Like it's so awesome that I won't even call this an advertorial. More like just spreading good news to everyone! Well, not everyone... But for all students and educators!


Are you ready?

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When the original price is a whooping $939!




Creative Suite 4 contains:

* Dreamweaver CS4
* Flash CS4 Professional
* Photoshop CS4 Extended
* Illustrator CS4
* Fireworks CS4
* Acrobat 9 Pro
* Soundbooth CS4
* Contribute CS4
* Adobe Bridge CS4
* Adobe Device Central CS4
* Version Cue CS4

Many useful programs other than photoshop - like dreamweaver for building websites and flash for creating beautiful flash banners like my old site's header!


Adobe Acrobat Pro 9 is even cheaper at $39 only! Wow!

Students really do get the best deals, it's so unfair.

If you are interested, here are more details:

To be eligible to purchase the two mentioned products at the
special price, you will have to be either a full time student,
educator or staff in a Primary, Secondary, Independent schools,
International schools, Junior Colleges and NIE only.

Upon purchase, photocopy of the evidence of eligibility will have
to be collected.

That will either be their student pass, school pass
(for international schools or independent schools), Civil Service card
or Public Service card. On top of the evidence of eligibility, a
photocopied IC of authorized personnel (to collect on behalf of
eligible individual) will have to be collected.


Delivery charges are at $8 only! (Honestly what's $8 compared to the $840 bucks you save??) If you order more than 10 copies, the delivery charges are waived!


To purchase, hop on to:




For enquiries call 64386778!!




p/s: I am not using the student pack as I am not a student or a teacher. Just to clarify!

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SG River Festival, A pic with Zoe Tay, and NDP rehearsal parade!

Picture-flooding time!

Attended the Singapore River Festival with other Nuffnang bloggers. It was blistering hot but fun!



Tied my hair in a bow for the night.

If you wanna know how I did it check out this video!

I must say it looks uber cute with blonde hair! Not liking the roots though.



With Pinkpau and Kenny



With Jessica and Boss Ming atop our boat ride! It was so breezy on the boat. Fun!



Merlion


Wongsie's birthday!





At Udders eating lovely ice cream. I had earl grey and durian! Mad love.



Lewis and Eekean stuffing faces



And there's her taking a picture with the courtesy lion.

And the pool noodle I just bought! -_-



Saw a most gorgeous rainbow just outside the old condo. Mike woke me up to see it, saying, "Baby, you'd have to see this!"

Even the LX3's wide-angle lens were not enough to capture the rainbow from end-to-end, so I stitched it up with photoshop. Not a very good job though. Oh well!

It's not often we see such big rainbows in Singapore!



Chio!



Pumpkin before her spaying... So cute!



How adorable is she?

(And in case anyone is wondering, the reason why I didn't use the Juicy doggie bag is because this bag is softer and more comfy for Pumpkin. I reckoned that after her traumatizing operation she'd wanna rest in a more comfortable bag.)

Shuyin and I went to a Jewelry fashion show Dr Lee invited us to. It also coincides with the launch of her skincare products.







Inside the tent



Host Vivian Tan



Dr Lee in super chio shoes



Ultra hot models


Midway through the show Zoe Tay appeared and sat next to Dr Lee, right in front of me!

She kept turning to whisper to Dr Lee so I tried to snap a photo of her but...

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Damn unlucky! All I got were shots of her when she is turned the other way!!

Anyway, I shouldn't have fret coz at the end of the show she was nice enough give photo-opportunities to everyone!

We had to go through a short queue to take a pic with her!



I look madly fugly in this picture.

I already did massive photoshop but I still look like a penguin. Somehow. Penguiny.

Anyhow the first time Zoe Tay said to me was "Hen jiu mei you kan dao ni le hor? Zai mang she me?"

Translate: "Haven't seen you in a long time! What have you been busy doing?"


I blabbered some answer coz I was panicky and starstruck. Zoe Tay leh! Famous since I was like 12!

I told this to Shuyin and Shuyin asked me "So when WAS the last time you saw her?"

I said I don't remember and I don't think the last time I saw Zoe she actually noticed me. (Ie I was in the audience or whatever)

We concluded that our ah jie was just being nice and trying to make me feel special. Whoopie! :D



With Eileen Wee and Paul Twohill. I haven't seen Eileen in super long!





Pumpkin with her bling hair clip.



Her only redeeming factor is that she loves to curl up on my lap. Once she is there, she contentedly adjusts herself into a comfortable position and refuses to leave.

Even if I tip her out she just hops back in. LOVE!



"MAMA GIMME MY TOY!"



Best trick to get good pet photos is to hold their treat/toy just beside your camera and snap!



Lala and I at the premiere of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (I wrote Half Bloody Prince HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! Imagine not full bloody only half bloody HAHAHAHA! Ok stop.).

Wearing GOLD for Gryffindor, and round glasses + green eyes for Harry!

Courage above all!

I thought the movie was ok. That's only coz I have mega low expectations for HP movies as 3,4 and 5 sucked SO BAD.

What the fuck happened to Chris Columbus??

He directed movie 1 and 2 and they were totally FABULOUS! He was the only director who specifically said that he tried his best to stick the movies as closely as possible to the books.

Ok just saw this in wiki:

Chris Columbus had expressed interest in directing the seventh Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows; but David Yates, the director of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince has since retained the position to direct both parts of the film.


BAH HUMBUG. Don't like David Yates.

Also don't like the fact that the cast is all-British as per J K Rowling's insistence. Let's face it... Hollywood actors are usually better!


With Timmy and Mike at The French Stall:





Duck with risotto, foie gras, and creamed spinach as a side order. :D



That's it! I was busy eating and not taking pics. LOL!



Berry lovers! With Huiwen and Dweam at the Cenosis Glass House.


After that went to meet secondary school friends for dinner at Dallas:



Where got people so old already still don't wanna take photos one??



Better.



My crispy roast chicken!

It's very nice lah! The sauce is shitty but the chicken is tender and has really crispy skin!

The beans are HEAVILY buttered (LOVE!!) and the mashed potato is sooooooooo good!



After dinner we went to MindGames (something like settler's cafe) where we played Taboo and my team won! MUAHAHA! I'm super competitive!

Got tickets to go watch NDP rehearsal thanks to Wanyi!!!!!!



My friends think that my handicapped toilet saga is very funny. I have SO MANY PHOTOS of them snapping me as I exit the toilet. -_-

Come out of temporary toilet they also must ambush me!

Anyway I'm posting it coz I look mad skinny here with biggish boobs! MUAHAHA!



Midori (left) and Wanyi excitedly opening the NDP freebies bag.



Sea of RED... It's touching to see all Singaporeans united in making the stadium look so cool.



Best buddy for stifling events like these!



Weili + Ferris wheel in the background



Mr Bean provided our drums and this is the drumstick!



So cute!



Zac Zac also inside the goodie bag! Can something tell me what has High School Musical's official magazine got to do with National Day?



Tattoos!







Can you imagine I took the MRT back home looking like that? Haha!

People must be thinking I'm one of those patriotic freaks.



Little girl sitting in front of us is soooo pretty!

Good at camwhoring too!





We were provided with a butter sugar roll...



The inside is just a slab of butter mixed with grains of sugar. Very kua kua lor... But not bad nonetheless.







Everyone standing up to say the pledge.





Check out this abomination they created! Mad fugly PAPERY figurines of the 4 main races in Singapore. Looks super scary, especially the CHINESE one! Wearing those olden Chinese costume... It fucking looks like a ghost lor!



My favourite National Day song is "We will get there" by Stef Sun. :D



BOOM!





Love the heart-shaped fireworks!











Yay!!

Good thing about it being a rehearsal is that the traffic was not too bad when we were going back!

Oooh! And also I think the funniest part of the day was when they announced that the Prime Minister/President has arrived.

Obviously Mr Lee and Mr Nathan cannot go for each rehearsal right, so they had to get someone dressed in a short-sleeve white shirt and white pants to replace the political figures!

FUCKING FUNNY LAH!

The cameras were all focused on these, for the lack of a better word, nobodies. They had to act damn serious and not laugh even though the whole stadium was laughing at them!

Then they were like waving regally to the crowds and all. HAHAHA! FUNNY NOT??



Anyway, not only word about there being too many adverts!

1) You may wish to skip the adverts if you don't feel like reading them. They don't affect your life in the least. And also, some people DO enjoy reading them!

2) It is only because of the Adobe advert that I'm even writing this post! I just moved into my new place and I'm super duper busy unpacking and packing! But I thought you all might complain so I blogged this too!

3) Need money. Bugger off.

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