Very annoyed. Mike and I are watching a series called Flashforward, which is a great show (so far) about a global "blackout" which causes people to lose consciousness for 2 mins 17 seconds and during that time they see their own futures about 6 months ahead.
Anyway I need to give a little spoiler to continue my blog post but in any case I don't think it will spoil the show for you if u plan to watch it but haven't.
The female lead is called Olivia and she is married with a kid to male lead Mark.
They are in a perfectly happy marriage but as she blacks out, she sees that in the future 6 months ahead she is sleeping naked on their bed, in their house, with this unknown man whom she knew she had these intense passionate feelings for.
As she cries and divulges this information to Mark, she said time and again she doesn't know who this man is, and would NEVER cheat on Mark and would do anything to "save" their marriage.
Finally this man (Lloyd) turns up in Olivia's life (he is father of a patient in the hospital she works at) and she tries to avoid him.
But as months past by and their paths keep crossing, she, WHILE STILL WITH MARK, deliberately goes look for him (twice so far) and they kissed, held hands etc.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HER PROBLEM?!
If she supposedly feels like she SHOULD be with Lloyd instead of Mark why can't she find the fucking courage to break up with Mark first??
AND WHAT ABOUT THEIR KID!!
Somemore Olivia is a perfectly nice and likeable person in the show, not slutty or anything.
You'd think that KNOWING you will commit a mistake will prevent you from committing that mistake in the first place.
But is cheating THAT hard to prevent?
I fucking HATE it that cheating is so glamourized is TV shows and movies nowadays. Seriously, ALMOST EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SHOW INVOLVES CHEATING!
Everybody is doing it, so why shouldn't you?
It's portrayed as this thing that cannot be helped; is inevitable in all relationships. BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!
Carrie Bradshaw is the character in SATC that most women relate the most to. She believes in The One, passion, romance, and whimsically unrealistic expectations of men. She is also unbelievably self centered when it comes to relationships.
I despise this sort of girls but thankfully, I don't have to date them.
And she cheated. TWICE.
Once on Aidan with Big, repeatedly and with no intentions to stop till she got caught by Big's WIFE. Embarrassing.
Another time while married to Big... with Aidan. I consider kissing cheating too btw. Anything that will hurt your partner is considered***. Just coz she saw him in Abu Dhabi and thinks it *roll eyes* MUST be destiny.
[*** Quoting Mike: "Here's the litmus test - if it will upset the other party when they find out, I think it's considered cheating. So if you have to hide it, you shouldn't do it."]
Oh the irony!
Is this how women behave around decent men** who love them and expect to be forgiven? That love conquers all, so we can all just do according to what our loins tell us and beg later?
(**I am not talking about the horrible men who cheat I'm talking about awesome men like Aidan who loved Carrie despite all her very obvious flaws)
TRUE FUCKING LOVE.
In the reel world, everything is about a love so romantic and passionate and lustful, nothing else matters, including the promise of a lifetime of commitment or the feelings of some other insignificant poor sod who loves you.
IT IS RIDICULOUS.
I understand that maybe, sometimes, people see someone so right for themselves they can't help it.
So it all boils down to COURAGE.
I am a firm subscriber when it comes to having courage in life. And that's what cheaters need, courage.
The courage to tell your partner you don't think they are the one for you and you are settling. That they are not giving you enough blowjobs. Or that you need to fuck a prostitute in Slovakia because you like the chase - accept it or not.
Of course, cheaters often don't see their problem with themselves or with their relationships till after they cheat, and therefore they cannot confront the problem with courage.
The first time someone cheats also involves recklessness and the inability to control one's horniness (you may label it "attraction" or "love" or whatever euphemism you want but it's horniness).
So here's a guide to how you can PREVENT the cheating, and go home, think about why you almost cheated and whether you are still suitable to be in a relationship.
1) FUCKING WALK AWAY
You feel attraction towards a person at a club? He/she is chatting you up and is super funny and cute?
The moment you feel that way, just walk away! It's not fucking hard. Make an excuse. Don't flirt back. You don't even have to be hostile, you just need to send the vibe that you are not interested.
Yeah how do you know this person is not The One for you? Maybe you are missing out on true love by walking away!
If you are idiotic enough to believe in that, then by your own stupid logic you will meet this person again soon enough (when you are single) BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE MEANT TO BE. There, your excuses foiled.
All Carrie had to do was to walk away from the dinner with Aidan when she felt something for him. Idiot woman.
How many times have I heard of flirty sms chats girlfriends found on their boyfriends' phones?
And they are like "Oh that's nothing what we are just friends"
I don't get it. You don't KNOW that a girl/guy is flirting with you? Are you fucking retarded on top of being a stinking liar? An sms that starts with "How's your day?" is nowhere NEAR innocuous and NOT appropriate when it's asked by someone who is not close to you.
It is an INVITATION to start getting to know you better, and if you reply with intention to feel good about yourself from the positive attention from this person, YOU ARE CHEATING.
Have some balls. Don't reply, or reply with the correct vibe, ie, "Not bad, spending the day cuddling with my girlfriend. Life is good. I'm glad I'm not the cheating sort. So wait your turn bitch."
Yeah see? That wasn't hard.
2) CHEATING TAKES MORE EFFORT THAN NOT CHEATING
I can never understand. Which is easier?
A. Chatting up someone. Saving his number to an unsuspicious name. Sneaking out of the house to contact the person. Lie to your partner when they ask where you've been. Book a hotel room. Park/take public transport there. Engage in sexual relationships. More sneaking. Pacify your cheating partner that you are going to break up with your current partner. Spend money pacifying him. Your partner finds out. You are in utter humiliation; lose whatever you had with said person. Your partner leaves with LCD tv you two bought together. Your family and friends all know about this. Your partners' friends spread around that you are a cheating scumbag and give you death threats. Your parents keep lamenting how awesome your ex was and how you are an idiot. You try to win your ex back, spending more money than ever. You may or may not succeed. If you do, there is forever a strain on the relationship.
B. Walking away the instance you sense someone is interested in you.
YOU tell me.
3) USE SOME IMAGINATION
Here. Next time you want to cheat, just imagine your partner crying and jumping off a building in grief.
She/he is saying, "Why did you do this I love you so much... I hate you. I hate you!" and he runs off and there is a brief moment where you freeze, knowing what he's going to do and you can't stop him because he is too far ahead and he looks back at you, with a look of grim satisfaction that you can't hurt him anymore... and he jumps.
His family is behind you and you fall to your knees in devastation and numbness thinking this can't have happened and the next moment his mother is pounding her fists on you for the family tragedy and you do nothing to stop her because anything is better than this regret... His father is looking over the edge, willing time to turn back but it won't. Actions cause irreversible consequences sometimes... And you caused a death, for a moment of lewdness.
Ahem. Graphic enough? If not you can also try to picture the dead body below, brains everywhere, limps in weird angles, blood blossoming on the pavement as screams echo around.
If you can still get an erection/your panties wet after that grisly image, there is something very wrong with you. Please see a psychologist.
4) USE CLOTHES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
So. You got to the point where you are about to have sex with someone other than your partner.
To get to someone's sexual organs, one must peel of various layers of clothing, unless one is having sex with an animal of some sort.
This process normally takes some time and effort. REMEMBER AT ANY POINT YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY!!
Peeling off a belt. NAH. Not gonna do it. Pee on the spot or whatever to gross out your partner (in case they try to rape you), and walk off!!!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!
5) KNOW YOURSELF
Just like paedophiles are attracted to kids, there are some people out there who are attracted to "the chase".
Sure, they are capable of love and maybe they even love one single person more than any other person they want to fuck, but they will NEVER stop cheating.
They are so addicted to the wooing process and the pleasure in finding that someone finds them attractive, they will do whatever it takes to GET that pleasure, even if it involves lying and manipulation.
Such people, of course, should have the courage to admit to themselves that they are unsuitable to be in a committed relationship and to pretend otherwise to their partners is just despicable.
My advice would be to have the COURAGE to admit that your habits will not change, ever, to the person you love and see if they can accept it. If they can, fantastic!
If not, well, too fucking bad. Why bother to prevent the inevitable? These cheaters should date other cheaters and just be in an open relationship! There! No more cheating!
Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I flirted with anyone or anyone flirted with me. And yes I may be missing out on the fun but I come home to Mike's warm loving arms and I know what we have is so so so much more than whatever could have been.
And I suppose that's how true love makes one feel. Like you can never bear to hurt the person you love and would never do anything to risk losing him. :)
So if you cheat, perhaps you ain't got what it's supposed to be.
Have the courage to break it off instead of stringing your partner along!
I may be a lot of things, but I'm never a coward. ;)
p/s: I may be repeating myself a little in this post coz I know I blogged about cheating before. But forgive me as my memory is abysmal recently.