I've never gotten this much praise from my own friends before as they all rush in to say I did a good job and they are proud of me. *beams*
I might sound a bit pompous as I say this but there are not many causes I fight for... Stopping men from demeaning and insulting the modesty of women online is one of them.
And god knows that in Singapore, this issue has been around for a very long time now (I addressed it HERE before).
Just whining about it did not help the matter, so I am happy I went the hard way. I hope the prominence of Faces of Haters will serve as a warning to these men (not just those I highlighted but every single one of these misogynistic assholes out there).
Even if it's just 1 less dude who went "Hmm I want to call her a whore but what if Xiaxue somehow finds out and tells my wife? I better just shut up."... even if it's just ONE less dude... I'm happy. At least I made a difference.
Before we go on to the aftermath and how the Honourable Men (I shall call them that as a collective, it is delightfully ironic) reacted, I'd like to first address a few issues. 95% of the response has been very positive, except for a few, and this is what they were harping on:
1) If you can't tolerate criticism why be a blogger?
Ridiculous. This makes me so fuming mad.
Female bloggers should be called whores and celebrities deserve paparazzi spinning lies of them and snapping their upskirt photos by placing cameras under their skirts, is that it? Thus is the price of fame?
You think that if Emma Watson sees a paparazzi place his DSLR under her skirt, she should just stand still and let him do it? No. She should deliver a kick to his face!
Do not mistaken fighting for your rights with the inability to withstand adversity. The two are not the same.
If you catch me whimpering and whining all day long and being sad because haters are criticizing me, then fine, tell me to stop being in the public eye.
But is that what I'm doing? NO. I AM SOLVING MY OWN PROBLEMS. Just as Emma Watson should kick a pervert photographer in the face, I am delivering comeuppance to my detractors.
Let me give you another analogy of how ridiculous your statement sounds.
You have an itch. You scratch it. Some fucker comes along and says "If you cannot stand itches why are you alive? All humans itch."
Why tolerate when I can fight? Unless you somehow believe the thing I'm fighting against is justifiable and right? If you think so, then your mother is a whore. SEE? Now you find it something worth fighting against.
1) You should have been the bigger person/
an eye for an eye makes the world go blind/
Why couldn't you have just ignored them?
Bigger person... You guys throw that word around like you even know what "size" I am.
To you I may seem incredibly petty because I lash out at detractors from time to time... How many of such blog entries have you seen over the course of a 10 year blogging career? What, maybe 10? 15?
This means that on average, I decide to go all out once a year.
I will let you in on a secret.
I get insults ALMOST EVERY DAY, most of the time many in a day. Don't get me wrong... Out of 50 praises and affection from readers 1 is a criticism or insult, which is really a worthy exchange. But of these maybe - 500? I'm low-balling it - insults I get in a year, I fight back at ONE.
IS THAT BEING A 'BIGGER PERSON' ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Have you been in my shoes, faced with everything I have?
If you haven't, you have no right to ask me let it go, just as I won't look upon someone giving birth and say "Why are you yelling so much? Can't you just ignore the pain? You chose to get pregnant."... Because I don't know how it feels like.
Every single day I am faced with the choice of whether I should use my influence to give the assholes who give me a hard time the hardest time of all.
Most of the time I CHOOSE NOT TO. I go all Spiderman-movie-quote. I tell myself "I'd give him a second chance, he didn't know better." Most of my blog entries about individuals are those who have provoked me MANY MANY times.
In this case maybe these men didn't know any better but I blogged about them because as I said, it is a cause I feel very passionate about.
You may say that other famous people are way more graceful than me. I don't give two hoots. I don't need your approval. You think celebrites wouldn't love to embarrass their haters too if their image allowed them to? I've seen even the most unlikely celebs do it to their twitter followers when they lose it. The only exception is Paris Hilton, who has never lashed out at anyone or tweeted anything mean before. I don't know how she does it, she must be incredibly zen.
I digressed. My point is... You can be a doormat, an aggressive power-abusing asshole, or anything in between. Neither ends of the spectrum are good, and I chose my position on the scale.
It may be too close to the power-abusing end for some people's comfort, but perfect for others, who cheer me on for being brave. The fact is that I made my choice, I'm sticking by it and with it. Everybody knows my no holds barred attitude so if they still wish to provoke me, then too fucking bad.
Besides, WHY should I stand idlly by and let bullies get away?
It is precisely because of "bigger" people that bullies get so empowered and believe they can get away with anything.
NO NO NO. I refuse. Fuck off.
What a dumb attitude. Next time your loved one gets attacked online, remember that that bully exists only because people like YOU judge others who want to teach them a lesson.
3) Why did you include their family's pictures?
Wow, I cannot BELIEVE the amount of people harping on this, despite me writing a longass disclaimer. I'd try to make it simpler for you.
A) If it's alright for 10,000 it is alright for 100,000.
This I really don't understand... These men find it absolutely ok to post their family information on Temasek Review's fanpage where they know 10,000 and more people will view it.
With just ONE step people can click on their profile from their comments and see the exact same thing I saw and copied here.
EVEN IF I didn't post their photos, did you not think that people who read the entry will click on the dudes' facebook profiles and see the family photos anyway? I had to link their profiles because it is evidence I am not making them up.
THEY made the choice to involve and tag their family with the nasty statements they made. NOT ME.
If they find it ok for 10,000 people to see, why not 100,000? I really don't get it, I don't.
Why get ashamed and angry now? Being a man means being responsible for your own actions. Don't do shameful things and even if you have 3 generations of family portraits on your facebook, nobody can do anything about it.
Yes, but the wives and kids didn't make their husbands' statements and do not deserve to be "shamed". Which brings me to my next point:
B) People are reasonable.
I don't get you people, really. There are so many of you saying that I am being cruel for posting the wives and kids photos.
Other than knowing that their husbands/fathers post unsavoury comments on the internet and feeling pity for them, how else do you feel about the wives and kids?
If you feel sorry for them and all sorts of nice feelings, why do you think others will think less of them??
People are reasonable.
Out of 1,000 comments NONE were mean comments about the wives and kids at all. When you look at Osama's family portrait do you assume that all his family must be terrorists too? No, you think some of them must be nice and they are just so unlucky to be associated with him.
You ASSUME people will somehow tease them and insult them? Why? Who will go up to a toddler and say "Your dad seems to like prostitutes a lot". Nobody! Even if they do, the kids can't even understand! When they grow up enough to understand, this issue would have blown over and they won't even be recognisable.
As for the wives, see point D.
C) I did not insult the wives or children at all.
Throughout my blog entry I did not say anything bad about the wives or kids at all. In fact I even said Soon Chwee's kids are cute. I do not understand why I am being mean. It is the association with a sleazy man that they are guilty of, but everybody understands that perhaps they didn't know or cannot control the behaviour of their men. So... What's the problem?
D) The wives should know.
Yes I concede that the wives MIGHT get a hard time from their friends and family.
And although ANY of these friends and family could have seen Temasek Review's fanpage and questioned them about the exact same thing, I agree that it is magnified tenfold by me.
BUT. I still think it's better that they get harassed by a few of their friends and alerted of their husbands' behaviour then be kept in the dark. If one day Mike exhibits the same behaviour, I want to find out early.
Perhaps it shouldn't be up to me to decide for them. Perhaps they would rather not know. But I had a choice and I made it.
How would I feel if this happened to me? I will feel angry with my husband. Not the blogger.
E) Did they show consideration for MY innocent loved ones?
Or theirs for that matter?
Most of the comments are about all 3 of us - Sophie, Qiu and me. As I've mentioned, I've stated clearly on my blog when posting up those rally photos that Sophie does not even support the PAP.
Not that just because Qiu and I do (support PAP) we deserve to get attacked like that, but at least they have a reason for disliking us so much. What did poor Sophie do?
I was the one who said I wanted to go to the rally. I asked Qiu to go with me. I suggested painting our faces. Perhaps if I didn't do all that, Qiu wouldn't be called a prostitute.
Other than making me embarrassed towards Sophie and Qiu for partially causing this to happen to them, the guys on TR also insulted Mike (for being a foreigner, they hate those. And for his shit taste in liking me), insulted my mother by insulting my upbringing... Fuck them.
If you don't show consideration towards MY loved ones, why should I show consideration for yours?
I shouldn't be vengeful I know, but if I were sitting on the fence balancing all these reasons I've stated above and benevolence, YOU SURE DIDN'T HELP BY BULLYING PEOPLE I LOVE.
Besides, did these people show consideration for their family when posting up such comments in the open?
Some of them even have their wives' photo on their freaking thumbnails. If they don't show consideration themselves, how can they demand others do? I cannot protect your wife and kids for you if you don't think they deserve to be protected.
F) I already tried to be nice.
You only see what I choose to publish and you call me cruel. Nobody gives me any credit for what I chose NOT to publish.
I'd tell you what I chose NOT to publish.
- Everybody's wife's name and details.
- Aaron and Soon Chwee's phone number and contact details. I knew that Aaron was a realtor and he depends a lot on his phone. If I published his number if he will get a lot of prank calls and if he terminates his line he loses a lot of business clients.
- Tom Louis Ho's two kids' names or pictures. His son and daughter are teenagers (or a bit older) and I knew that their peers read my blog and they will get teased like mad. So no mention of them.
- Completely eliminated a dude from the list of Honourable Men who wrote "吓跑" with regards to my photo. His profile was completely open and he is quite ugly so I felt quite irritated that he dared to say I scared him with my looks. But I think his statement wasn't that mean so I didn't post his photo and name up.
- Did not post Clement's girlfriend's picture and name.
See, I'm not a complete bitch. I let them have plenty of leeway already.
G) Focus on the issue at hand -
they don't need your sympathy.
Instead of focusing on this national crisis (ok maybe a bit exaggerated) of how Singaporean men act so irresponsibly online, spreading misogyny and hate, you choose to focus on their "poor wives and kids".
It's like if the headlines read "XXX race man rapes little girl and eats her alive" you choose to focus on "WHY DID YOU MENTION THE RACE ARE YOU RACIST?!"
Hello someone got raped and eaten alive... Show sympathy for the right person who deserves it! Don't be a fucking politically correct asswipes who harps on dumb irrelevant shit!
THESE PEOPLE ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DESERVE YOUR SYMPATHY.
Why? They are completely unrepentant and think they did nothing wrong.
Here's Hong Xing's excerpt from the Straits Times article when they interviewed him:
"The engineer admitted that he had insinuated that Xiaxue was an underage prostitute, but said he preferred women in more conservative clothes.
"Look at what she is wearing. When she bends down, you can see her breasts," he said, adding that he has seen prostitutes in Geylang who dress this way.
He added that he might not have posted the comment if he had known she would see it, but that she should not have posted photographs of his family online."
Can you believe he is still finding excuses for his behaviour?? He does NOT prefer women in conservative clothes. On his facebook page you can see that he has over 1,000 friends and a lot of them are teenage girls who are, well, not completely covered up. And what am I wearing?! I was in a tank top!
I'd love for him to show me which prostitute in Geylang wears tank tops. And how can he judge how I will look like when I bend down in PHOTOS? And is that the only part of the pic he is looking at?! YUCK!
A taken from Hong Xing's facebook page 1 day after the previous post.
Segmented so I can comment:
Wtf man... Dude you think you Zac Efron?
God is unfair
You think that I will boh dai boh chee go your facebook to "steal" your photos to post here to attract readers?!
Note how he conveniently skipped on how he called me a prostitute. And I didn't know that going to your facebook page to save your photo is consider the dirtiest trick. I am so cunning and clever!! I should specialize in professional espionage, that should earn me some side income.
That photo was public because he set it as his cover picture.
Anyway why is he whimpering about fb privacy? How about you DON'T post shameful things so you don't have anything to hide? Some people are so obtuse!!
Ok he doesn't find what he posted shameful because he is the victim now. Right, being the victim totally negates what you did previously which is to call me a prostitute.
NOW you know I'm not simple minded huh? Bit too late.
I find it so highly amusing that so many of these men's supporters tell them that they should take action against me. More about that later.
Oh do you spot Isaac Ice? That's because Hong Xing went to add the group of them as friends!! So funny!!
I suppose they are gonna form the support group of "Men who have been victimized by Xiaxue". They must add Peter Coffin and Bradley Farless too!!
It will be so funny!! (All resemblances are purely coincidental.)
I imagine they all have a therapy session and the therapist goes like "Today, let's talk about how Xiaxue made you feel."
Peter Coffin: "My girlfriend isn't fake she is right beside me! Xiaxue's a lying bitch!"
Isaac Ice: "Dude your excessively glorious nature daft. Ain't nobody beside you bro."
Bradley Farless: "I had to leave Singapore because everyone stares at me and my baldness."
Simon Mohd: "Geylang chicken! Geylang chicken!"
Isaac Ice: "Is that all you say bro?"
Simon Mohd: "Geylang chicken!"
Hong Xing: "We are all victims! How much is her damage? Hehe only insider will know. Want to go geylang? I prefer conservative girls."
Stephen Lee: "Do you guys shave your armpits? It's normal, right?"
Sometimes people make me lose faith in humanity. I clicked on this Cheryl's profile and she seems like a nice lady, married with a newborn baby and all. How can she condone Hong Xing's behaviour? And why is she even friends with such a person? I don't get it.
Soon Chwee thanks me for boosting his blog for him. Hi Soon Chwee! You are welcome! I'm sure a lot of mommies will bring their daughters to go for lessons with you.
Yes I have family too. How observant of you. Here is a photo of my lovely mother, brother, father and husband:
Unlike you, I have nothing to hide.
My family stands by me and are proud of me.
So, we are even now yeah? I posted a photo of my family too!
Tom you are hilarious. Since you added Hong Xing and tried to report my blog I shall also assume you are not sorry for what you did.
I also love how Hong Xing is determined that I am against him because I am a PAP supporter, even though I mentioned NOTHING about supporting PAP this time round. Dude, I blogged about you because you called me a prostitute, simple as that. Ridiculous. I don't do personal attacks on people just because of their political inclinations.
See? Why get so concerned over the wives and kids? Soon Chwee's wife actually found this issue funny!!
Straits times actually called him for an interview and here is his quote:
One of the victims of Xiaxue's revenge, swim coach Lim Soon Chwee, 34, told The Straits Times last night that his comment, "Pretty and sexy girls, which part of Geylang they work?" was incomplete.
"I didn't mean that at all," he said, adding that he was actually trying to defend her.
"She's a public figure and she's probably just trying to increase the number of eyeballs on her blog."
When he told his wife about Xiaxue's post, she just laughed, he said.
SOON CHWEE Y U NO COMPLETE YOUR COMMENT? I'd love to see how you were trying to defend me!
Stephen Lee still has his facebook page totally public and his wife posted the following:
She calls me a cyberbully. ME.
Why people can get so obtuse and illogical I do not know. Her husband cyberbullied ME AND MY FRIENDS first. Even if I got even with him and bullied him back, he is still a bully towards SOPHIE AND QIUQIU, no?
It is so funny actually. Maybe she is the new Shakespeare of our era and wrote both statuses with heavy theatrical irony.
Still feeling sorry for the wives?
Let me ask you one thing...
If these men are proper, decent men... I will leave it up to you to judge if they are... but if they reflected upon their behaviour and woke up a little... What would they have done?
Any REAL man will email me and tell me he is sorry for what he wrote...
That he regrets his behaviour towards me and that he did it in a fit of anger without thinking. That he knows I'm not a slut or a prostitute. That his wife is upset... "Xiaxue can you please please mosaic her face and my kids' face. I will never do this again."
THEY SHOULD RIGHT?
If they did I will totally would have mosaiced their wives and kids' faces but NOBODY DID.
All the married ones are still very proud of what they have done!!
Not a single one of them apologized for what they wrote at all.
Not only that, they continue to try to provoke me and still left nasty comments about me on TR or on their facebook pages!
So I can only presume the wives and kids are dealing with this FINE. You people do not need to be concerned for them.
There is ONE thing I'd like to apologize about. Stephen Lee wrote this longass incoherent chunk on this facebook page:
Hong xing, Y U SO IRRELEVANT
WTF... I cannot understand what he was saying at all. After consulting with my friends, nobody had an answer except the bff who somehow managed to conclude that perhaps the boy in the picture is not his kid. She went to check and found out that Stephen and his wife got married in 2008 so their kid can't be so old. I just assumed it's their son because their facebook has so many photos of the boy. This is my mistake and I apologize.
Turns out that kid is the wife's cousin's son and the couple's "godson". His relations to Stephen should not be relevant as I did not utter a word about him and in fact didn't even say that he is Stephen's son, just that Stephen is married with kid/s.
However, I have considered that he appears to be at an age his peers might tease him, so I've made the choice to mosaic his face - although I guess his easy response to his peers could be that "That dude is not even my father!".
I hope this decision pleases Your Highnesses. Less pleasingly, the rest of the wives and kids are here to stay.
Hi DAVE GOH and PACINO LOH from above!!
I am glad to see that you two are, ironically, asking your friends to sue me. I'd love to see Stephen and Hong Xing in court.
I doubt any of you really know the law, but here you go... I present to you Penal Code S509:
Word or gesture intended to insult the modesty of a woman
509. Whoever, intending to insult the modesty of any woman, utters any word, makes any sound or gesture, or exhibits any object, intending that such word or sound shall be heard, or that such gesture or object shall be seen by such woman, or intrudes upon the privacy of such woman, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year, or with fine, or with both.
[Indian PC 1860, s. 509]
Even if you are anonymous, you think you are safe?
If the woman you insulted is determined enough, she can hire a lawyer to force facebook to reveal your email address and IP address. Once your IP is known, a lawyer's letter can be written to your provider to make them reveal your identity. If you hit a 509 it's even simpler - no need for a lawyer... The police will do everything.
You think you can get away with the crap you write online but you can't.
You attack 100 women and 99 of them might just brush it aside, but one astute one will realise she not only can fight back, she can make you sorry.
The men posting on TR are still calling me a whore. Please... Do continue.
p/s: Isaac Ice's friend emailed me to mosaic his face, saying he is no longer Isaac's friend and does not agree with his opinions, so I did.
p/p/s: Temasek Review is not the same as Temasek Review Emeritus, which used to be called Temasek Review until they changed editors or something. TR used to be a fansite of TRE and now it's just complete trash, written by the lowest of society. They are anonymous, so I will not fight this fight with them. But I believe that any time soon they will get thrown into jail for sedition. :)
p/p/p/s: The comments are fucked because Blogger suddenly decided to change the url of this blog to whatever the country location is so now Singaporeans see blogspot.sg. Working on fixing this... Will probably just migrate to wordpress or tumblr.