I was just thinking about Phobias we all have.
When I was a cute little baby (please note that I was born a winner. 1984 baby queen. I was on the News, which has much less important things to report then, without Sars and Wars, thus they reported on baby competitions)... Ok ok not exactly a baby. I just brought up the baby thing to talk about my winning of the competition. Lets start again...
When I was a little girl, my daddy brought me out to this field to play. He was carrying me and then he released his hands from beneath my armpits and sat me on on the grass. Very unfortunately, he sat me down on an ant hill. And it belonged to BIG RED ANTS.
Big red ants do not read the newspaper as far as I know, so although what was sitting on them was a Baby Queen's ass, they were not flattered. They are grouchy man-hating insects because we all know that during Lantern Festivals we keep burning them with cheap candles for hearing that cute 'pop' sound they make when they explode. Ahhh... fond memories. But the point is that they dunch like humans. So they bite whenever they have the chance.
I cried and cried and my dad carried me to one of those machines where u sit on it and it plays music and moves when u put in 20 cents. My tears finally dried up and and I was rocking happily on the horse, to my dad's immerse relief, when I felt something itchy on my scalp. I scratched and it was another big red ant IN MY HAIR!! The crying started all over again. Oh my poor dad...
From then on, I have this phobia for big red ants, not to mention having anyone trying to sit me down on weird fields, though the latter does not happen anymore.
When I was a little girl, once again, my mum helps me cut my toenails. She cut into the flesh of the fourth toe. From then on, I have a phobia of cutting the nail on the fourth toe.
When I cut the toenails for a dog I used to have (not cloudy, another one), I accidentally cut into the flesh as well. The poor thing yapped painfully and (this is quite funny actually) hopped around on 3 legs for a few circles. It stayed angry with me for 3 days, that petty thing. From then onwards I have a phobia for cutting all sorts of toenails.
Thats about all the phobias I have. I'm not afraid of the usual like heights and such (bungee jumped b4), but there is one last phobia that is recently acquired.
I am scared of the MRT gantries closing on me.
Lets go into a different topic altogether. Basically, it is called Cheating On the LTA. (*ahem in case any LTA ppl read this and wants to sue me, the experiences are all written by a friend of mine. *ahem*)
You see, I just refuse to pay my bus/mrt fares properly. They are too freaking expensive!
Before the Ezlink was invented, there were several ways to cheat.
Bus
Over use your bus stamp. I know alot of ppl do this and it is highly use-able coz I over-used my bus stamp for 7 months (jan till July)before my mum bought the August one for me herself.
Throughout this 7 months, I got caught 2 times only.
Theres a way to do it. When u get up the bus, pretend to be digging in ur bag for ur bus pass. The bus driver will wait a few seconds for u to show him before he decides he muz start the bus moving already. Then, when he decides to do this, his eyes will be on the road as he drives out. Precisely at this moment u show him ur bus pass and he cant be bothered to look anymore coz he muz concentrate on the road.
Complete the process with "Paiseh hor Uncle!" and he will smile kindly at you.
Once when I got caught it was coz I stupidly sat on the first seat directly behind the bus driver. When he reached the next stop he asked me to show him my bus pass again. So point is, sit far far behind.
What happens when the bus conductor comes? Tell him u paid by coins and say that ur ticket is lost. Complete this with a gasp and say that u are really sorry and pass him some coins.
MRT
Just use child farecard lor. When u get caught, break down, cry, and say that there is some family money problems at home and u seriously didnt mean to cheat.
Now with Ezlink, it is more difficult to cheat. Nonetheless, it still can be done.
Bus
- If there are alot of ppl going on board, just dun beep. Remove ur Ezlink from your wallet and tap ur empty wallet AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS ANOTHER PAYING CUSTOMER. The bus driver will be confused as to which one of u actually paid. He wun be bothered to ask. If the paying customer glares at you, glare back at him/her and act as if u were the one who paid, that despicable scumbag!
- If you just graduated from JC and thus had ur EZlink suddenly turned to Adult fare by itself, flash ur Ezlink and pay 55 cents by coins. Can save alot this way.
- Buy a parrot and train him to make that *beep!* sound the card makes. Bring him on board everytime and dun pay, but tap a wallet void of any EZlinks inside. Although the bus driver knows that it was the parrot who made that sound, he wun stop you cause he will think u are bloody cute.
- If u are too hum to cheat and yet dun have money to pay adult fare, just go be a bus driver and u can have free rides.
MRT
My new-found phobia is caused by my cheating on MRTs.
There is only one way to cheat on the MRT, besides using ur sibling's child farecard, and that is to rush in with the person before you. The gates take a relatively long time to close, so if the person before you moves at a normal rate, u should be able to go in with him/her. Similarly u get out by following another person.
This method requires both courage and MRT stations with a lot of ppl. It is sickeningly scary coz it can be quite obviously seen by the MRT ppl. But then again it is worth it coz MRT rides are so bloody expensive.
So far I did this for a month and I didnt get caught before.
There was once I stupidly followed this ah mah out and she walked super slow and I was almost unsuccessful.
Another time I followed this fellow, who was following the fellow in front of him, thus the gantries closed on me. That kind of coincidence happening means that alot of ppl are using this method to cheat.
And alot of ppl cheating means the govt will know.
So the govt made the gantries close immediately after the person goes in.
And the trial station happens to be Jurong East. (also my MRT station)
So one day, I followed this lady in and the gantries closed before I could enter. My stomach hit the red flaps and it was quite embarrassing. I waited for a while and tried again. This time, I got hit again.
I resigned to fate and paid cold hard coins for that ride.
Thus the story ends on a sad note, which is that there is absolutely no way to cheat on MRTs, except to steal ur sibling's child EZlink, which I did. It depends though coz June still does this sometimes and she says that Pasir Ris does not have the Close-faster-than-your-fat-ass-can-get-in gantries like unfortunate Jurong East.
And from that day onwards, I have a phobia of MRT gantries closing on me even though I honestly paid for my trip. =(
Okie I am feeling slightly better after all the ranting... So I shall now write about what I was writing last night, which are basically outdated by now.
American Idol 2!!
If u guys read the comments thingy on the side, you all must be thinking "what the hell is june talking about?"
It is like this. We both agreed that Clay Aiken looks like Adryan, whom I think looks like the mad magazine guy, and also looks like George Bush.
Ridiculous, u say?
Here:
Look like right. Aha! Actually it is all about the ears.
Alright. Yesterday I was at PY's place so I used her scanner to scan the KTV picture June Ek and I took.
Here it is:
Remember I said I looked like a mistress in that pic? Just to prove my point and my photoshop skills...
Yikes!! I am glad in real life I am not touching uncles like these. Yucks.
Anyway, I scanned in some of the photos taken at my last year's bdae. I just realised that every bdae I get food (am I that much of a glutton?!). Year 2002 they disguised the "bdae present" groceries better though, in the form of a hamper. I look like a siao kia carrying it around.
Oh yeah, look! straight hair!! Black too!!! Nicer?
Please note that Ah dong is the odd one out in the picture coz she is so bloody tall! We all dunch like her... Sheesh.. Despise tall ppl...
Seems like last year my fav foods included green Pringles (is that how to spell it?) and Pokka green tea. This year my taste has changed to Vanilla coke and Yellow Lays. Hmmmm...
If anyone is interested to know where we got that very sexy backdrop from, it is from Jurong Point's Esprit. Quite nice huh.. =)
I'm very very very very very pissed now. Yesterday night, my mom was using the computer so I cant use it. I waited from 12 am till 3 am doing nothing except watching a movie which i had watched before already and when she finished using at 3, she REFUSED to let me use the computer, saying it is too late.
And then we got into another fight.
I insisted on using the com.
She insisted on standing right beside to look at me use it.
Can u imagine how irritating that is? She told me to use it tml morning or else she will stand there.
I AM SO PISSED!!!
Then i woke up specially at 12 pm (THATS FUCKING EARLY BTW) and there she was, using the com again.
And I was forced to watch Fei Chang Nan Nu, which I dun enjoy at all, while I waited. Although she used the bloody com for her work, I'm still fucking pissed coz of the bloody waiting. I wanted to write about alot of stuff but now I dun feel like it already.
If last night she would just let me use it at 3am, I wun be so pissed right now and there will be alot of interesting pictures and a whole new funny entry. BUT NO. I'm too pissed except to rant.
So yeah. If u are a fan patiently awaiting my entry, blame my mom.
Otherwise, put some cash into my bank account 175-22104-2 and I will buy a new laptop.
Enormous Eekean is very ridiculous.
She asked me to take away the picture of her in my character intro to replace with this.
For new readers, please scroll down to see how she actually looks like without being photo-shopped.
Ridiculous. Trying to act stylo. I told her no, and that that picture does not look like her in the least bit. And it does not suit the theme of the webbie. If i put her pic, i muz make everybody's face red too.
She said I tried to make all of them look like a part of the cast for a wacky sitcom.
All laughing like crazy, some got apple on head, some hugging ronald macdonald, some getting their hair pulled.
Actually, she sent me her picture thru irc and I didnt open it straightaway. Later on when I went to my mIRC download folder to see the pics, I realised I cant find it, coz I didnt know the name of the files she sent me. I slowly scrolled down painfully thru my mIRC download folder, opening every file and shuddering at some really hideous pictures some ah bengs who chatted me up b4 sent me.
Then i saw the two pics she sent me. I thought for a second "Who is this freak?" and passed it to my recycle bin (together with all the ah bengs pics) to handle, mumbling under my breath that my irc got virus liao, receive funny pictures by itself.
I told her I didnt get her pictures and then she told me something more ridiculous. "The files muz be in some other folder", she said. "Maybe some temporary folder". I told her that irc downloads are always in the mIRC download folder, dun be stupid.
She said "Oh. Okie send to u thru email."
Just when I thot she cant get any more ridiculous, she called me up again sounding really excited.
Amidst her fast-paced breathing I thought I heard her say "I know liao, dun need so ma fan, you can just go to the web to search for my pictures lar! The file name is 'dead'!!"
I thought that cant possibly come out from an RJ student (may I mention, with 4 As for her As too).
I asked her to repeat herself and she said the exact same thing.
I tried to be patient.
"Ee Kean, do u realise how many pictures there are on the world wide web with the filename 'dead'? How many corpses do you want me to see b4 i find yours?"
[Digessing a little, i suspect she did not even upload it anywhere so even if i searched for the rest of my life I wouldnt be able to find it. I suspect too that Miss Enormous thinks that her C drive is linked to the internet.]
"Oh yeah hor!" She chuckled and put down the phone as if she didnt make the most ridiculous statement in the decade. Century. Millennium. Whatever.
Today's KTV did not only involve June and I. When I was happily eating Mud pie with James, Enormous Eekean called me and admitted that she was a closet avid reader of my blog.
OOPS, I DISCLOSED IT TO THE WORLD!
The very same person told me, when I first told her I had a blog, that blogs are disgusting. Blogs only include stuff like "I have a crush on XX, I ate XX today, My pet is XX". Blogs are stupid. Blogs are boring. She doesnt understand why anyone would want to read anyone elses blog.
I told her, when I thought Eddy was going to read the blog, that my blog was gaining publicity, somehow.
She shook her head and refused to read it.
I told her that my blog had her picture.
She immediately went to read it.
And she loved it. LOLz!!! ADMIT IT EEKEAN!!!
Ok point is, thru being an ardent reader, she found out that I was gonna KTV with June and she wanted to join us. Aiyoh, buay paiseh, wahahhahahahaha! But good lar no EK, who to sing the guy parts in duets? Or be Ella in S.H.E songs?
We had great fun. I really must talk about it. Every Weds is ladies' night in Kbox hougang, and no room charge, only pay for drinks and the tidbits. It is from 7pm onwards till 2 am (can leave earlier if u want) and the sound system is damn good. Sounds like you are singing in the toilet, minus your siblings asking u to shut up and when you dun, turning off the lights leaving you to make a tough decision between bathing in the dark or in silence.
We took a little polariod picture and I really really look like a mistress there. I will scan it soon. June is the rich businessman coz she was hugging me.
About the cockroach.
When i woke up I excitedly asked my bro whether he saw the cockroach. He said no, he checked and it wasnt there.
Bloody hell! That means when I took it outta the microwave it wasn't dead lar! I poked it with a toothpick somemore and it didnt move. PRETEND TO DIE!!! Cockroaches nowadays really getting smarter. They will take over the world soon. Anyway I wonder if a male cockroach will think that a female cockroach is sexy? How to when both are so ugly? Gosh.
I told someone this and the someone said that maybe cockroaches find humans revolting too. Hmmmm... I just cant picture that.
There was once I was on my toilet bowl preparing to bathe. Apparently I was naked then. I saw this big lizard on the ceiling. I decided to spray some water on it with the shower thing. It was shocked with the sudden wetness and lost control of itz suction muscles and fell on my lab.
He (I somehow cannot imagine lizards being 'she's) decided to jump off my lap and crawled out of sight.
After recovering from the shock I decided perhaps I was rather insulted.
If you are a guy lizard, and u managed to fall on a naked woman's lap, what would you do? Climb towards the breasts? Stay put for the fun of making her scream? Drop your tail on her?
But NO! The lizard chose to run away (not that i would have perferred it to do any of the above).
There are 4 possibilities.
1) The lizard is a female.
2) The lizard really thinks that humans are not attractive. Also proving the Someone's theory correct.
3) The lizard finds me too fat to stay on.
4) Lizards are generally scared of humans.
OK at this point of time u realise that obviously no. 4 is true. So all this while I have been talking crap. TOOK YOU SO LONG TO REALISE???
I cant believe this just happened.
I turned off my computer and decided that I needed a bite. Ravenous. So I opened my fridge, staring hopefully into the contents.
I saw a plate of fried chicken wings, 3 of them.
Exhilarated, and totally ecstatic.
I took the small plate to the microwave oven and put it in.
Bored, i looked thru the microwave door while the chicken wings were barbecue-ed again and i heard the popping sounds of itz oil seething.
Suddenly i sensed motion within the wings. This black spot (I assumed it was a burnt part of the chicken wing) was moving rather rapidly. I realised it has feelers. It has wings.
Its is a freaking cockroach!!!
Weirdly, my emotions of seeing it was more on "Shucks, I cant eat my wings now!" rather than "UUUUUURGHHH!!! A freaking cockroach!!". Actually i semi-considered the idea of eating the other two wings when I decided I wasnt that desperate. Yesh, indeed, my level of tolerance for disgust is very high. I will agree to lick your used facial blotter for a mere 10 bucks. Just 1 lick though.
I was just wondering how the FUCK the cockroach got there. It cant be in the microwave b4 the chicken coz i didnt see go to the plate. It must have been in the fridge then. And how much of my food did it spoil already?? And how the hell did it get into my bloody fridge without my maid noticing???!!!
I decided it sneaked into the fridge underneath the wings coz it too felt the phreaking hot weather and Buay tahan already. Think about it, the cockroach is black leh. It possibly feels hotter than us.
While I pondered my silly thoughts the cockroach was being fried in its own juices. Despite the tempting curiosity, I didnt go and smell the fried cockroach so I cant tell you how a fried cockroach smells like. Possibly like chicken I guess.
Anyway I was just thinking the last few hours of itz life was in extreme cold and then extreme (EXTREME) heat. And it died, amongst 3 chicken wings.
I feel v v pissed that I cant eat the wings (5 of them in total actually) coz it smells totally saliva-inducing when it was taken out of the microwave.
I didnt throw the cockroach away. Instead, I left it on the table with a cover for my brother to see tml. Wahhahaha freak him out. I wrote on a piece of paper,
Di di, I microwaved a cockroach to death!
Read The Full Article
After reading the former post, Peiying claimed that we didnt sacrifice Hui Fen's friendship coz of EK but coz nobody likes Hui Fen.
[merrique_] anyway for ur info.... no whole gang of us sacrifice hui fen for ee kean
[merrique_] hui fen was never there in the 1st place!!!
[merrique_] hullo!
She is mean.
[Xia`xue] thats too mean to write down.
[merrique_] nobody like hui fen lah
[merrique_] she was never part of the gang lor
LOLz.
Anyway, i would like to say that when i left my seat, Hui fen took over.
She won back my 6 bucks for me (10 cent 20 cent) and so i shall not say bad things about her. *cross fingers*
Anyway, while I was playing with them I was thinking that my luck was like super bad. I then decided i shall sing auspicious songs to bring luck to myself.
Gong xi gong xi gong xi wo ah, gong xi gong xi gong xi wo!~!~
After realising that I dunch know the lyrics I proceeded to Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.
Subsequently I won a 4 tai. After like taking my 5th tile? Gosh it works.
Ahhhhhh.. I know now. That must have been the reason why the A (see previous blog) doesnt like me lar! So petty a bit of singing oso cannot stand. Read The Full Article
Hui Juan is Hui Fen's younger sister. Hui fen is my RV classmate, but we are no longer close coz of Enormous Eekean's dislike for her. And i mean SERIOUS dislike. Got Hui Fen= No Ee kean. So yeah the whole gang of us sacrificed Hui fen for Ek. But I still keep in contact with Hui Juan sometimes coz of the close proximity of our houses and the love for MAHJONG.
Oh yeah here I am.
And i left the kitchen (where the mahjong table is), coz i'm feeling quite pissed.
Hui Fen, who was not supposed to be playing mahjong with us actually, brought her bf and bf's fren here. (coincidence).
The supposed players included Hui Juan, her bf Bryant, and Bryant's guy friend.
Digessing a little, lets talk about Bryant. Bryant, formerly known as Bryan, was actually my ex bf. Ahhhh... I see the look of confusion. It was just a mere coincidence that 3 years after we broke up, Bryant got to know Hui Juan and they got together. Imagine my shock when i discovered they are together! *gasp*
At first when Hui Juan told me she got a new bf, I asked her for his name. She said Bryant. I said i had an ex called Bryan as well. She "haha"ed and said skarly its the same person. I told her itz possible and told her, after some head scratching, Bryant's full name. She looked flabbergasted.
Ah well... My exs are everywhere actually coz when i was much younger, I was an Ah lian. Ah lians collect bfs.
Wahahhahhahahahhahahahahah! The memories are really laughable. Hey i was an qualified Ah lian k! I actually joined some silly gang called Ba Hai Tong but (some find this very funny) a week after i joined, the gang fell through. This was because the older Ah lians all got caught and went to girls' home. I tried to question the decision to close down the girl's section of the gang totally since i felt that when all the senior members got caught, the junior ones should be the leader! Wahahhahahah! But I didnt and decided to concentrate on Bf collecting instead.
Yeah ok dun ask me how many I got coz the answer will shock you. Some of the exs were not really considered bfs coz they only like on the fone "hey, wo ke yi jio ni ma?", and they are so called 'phone steads'. Bryant wasnt a phone stead though.
Stop looking so disgusted! Everyone has got a past! Anyway now obviously I am out of all these already and it has like been a year since the last bf. Bleah. If Bfs came in a little bottle in life too and the perfect one was inside, i think i exhausted my supply. I think perhaps I missed out the perfect guy too.
But i hardly think any of the silly ah bengs i dated could have been The One. But then again perhaps they grew up too and they are perhaps thinking that I was a silly ah lian too! Hmmmm....
Anyway, back to the story, Bryant's friend had to leave early so we let Hui Fen's bf take over and Hui fen and the BF's friend sat nearby.
I'm pissed with Hui Fen coz she is so chummy with her new bf and so fucking protective of him. We were just kidding about him a little and she got all agitated. The BF's friend keep cracking cynical jokes about me (I have no idea why, think he just doesnt like short girls) and Hui Fen and the Bf would chuckle together while Hui Juan and Bryant found it not funny at all.
An example was like this:
Hui Fen, to her bf's friend (lets call him A): "A, you hot or not?"
NOT IN THE SEXUAL SENSE YOU COK! As in, weather very hot lar! Ok i shall stop digessing.
A: "Xin jing zi ran liang."
Me: (i always say this when ppl say that sentence) "Hahaha i put you into a microwave see if you say the same thing."
A: "You find microwave so big first then say lor. Haha where got microwave so big one?" *guffaws towards Hui Fen and Hui fen's bf*
Apparently he was being irrelevant but i decided that i cant be bothered to tell him that.
Me: "Hahhaha got.. Maybe breadtalk's one lor. Hahhahah.."
A: "Breadtalk not oven one meh? Microwave sia!!!"
They seem to find my blunder very funny and they acted as if it was some conquest over me and Hi fi-ed each other.
I mean, yes, it was a mistake on my part. Yes, it is quite a funny mistake to add, but they way they laughed was obviously laughing at ME, not the mistake. I dun understand why they acted as if they all hated me when I didnt do anything!
I told Hui fen she was a bloody bitch coz I knew her for 6 years and here she is laughing at me with some people she just knew. She said i kept teasing her bf too. WTF? Its a totally different kind of joking lor. Apparently our teasing of her bf was totally just for fun and theirs (HF, her bf and bf's friend) was like so malicious.
Hui Juan started to quarrel with Hui Fen and said that her sister always Zhong se qing you one, and told me not to let Hui fen play (mahjong) with us next time. She said this in front of Hui fen.
This is when i decided to get out of the whole thing and use their PC instead. I am so pissed.
I just felt like complaining. Plus most importantly, I lost money. I think ard 6 bucks?
NVM... Tml I am meeting June for KTV at Kbox, Hougang. They have this cute promotion of 'Weds is ladies' night' and only charge is for drinks. HURRAY!
