Woah how come the visitors to my blog today seem to be increasing ah... Its at least a 100 today liao.
Anyway, I had a good hair day today!
How great! A happy day always begins with a good hair day. But what good can a good hair day do if no one sees it? Everyone seems to be so busy today. Eddy is busy. June is sleepy. EK is swimming with sis. Xf is lazy to go out. PY is teaching tuition. James has (oh wait, it sounds wrong. James have? James plural? Urghhh...) a dinner date with someone else.
Only one person would be free after selling char siew. Thats coz his bike is under repair, and he would not travel without the bike. Thats right, its Bernard! I refuse to let the day go by without letting anyone see my good hair day. So I paid Bernard a visit.
I had a chance to ride on the bus 42 at Kembangan. I dunno why, but I felt magical when I boarded the bus. For those of u who have read Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, you would know why! 42 is supposed to the magical answer to the question of life. LOLz
I got very amused by Bernard's mum's slippers coz these are the smallest Tat Sing slippers I have ever seen. Have you worn a Tat Sing slipper before? Tat Sing slippers seem to be taken over by trail slippers nowadays. Imagine the future aunties and uncles wearing Trail slippers, crossed coloured, one blue and one pink! OMG! Anyway, I have never knew they made Tat Sing slippers so small. Bernard says I am mad to go around taking pictures of bo liao things. But I really think it looks very cute, hor?
I dun feel like writing liao coz I think I wrote too much on the spoof. Maybe I will blog more tml. Actually I got some stuff I feel like writing.
Anyway why isn't anyone interested to be part of the spoof? Can just use it as a forum lor. Just tell me ur email add will do. See the little bouncy icon to the right? Click on it to email me, ppl!
I have done the spoof page liao!!! Its address is http://wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com
Can go see see!!
Anyone who wants access to it, notify me! U can take part in the spoofing! If u are interested in that, that it.
I'm too busy with it to write my blog, lol. June dua-ed me. She is supposed to go shopping with me but she is still sleeping or something like that. And I thought I was the ultimate pig. Nvm lar, I will go shopping MYSELF! Hmpf!
Later, everyone!
I have decided to spoof myself. I guess that would be fun. For everyone who likes to read my words but think I am hideous, think the page load too long etc etc, can visit the spoof page from now one. I will be working on it after I finish this blog entry, and this blog entry would be short. I think. I can never be sure.
As mentioned, today I was supposed to meet Eddy the Engineer. Eddy is pretty efficient as well. That makes him effectively Eddy the Efficient Engineer. However, Eddy's boss is not as efficient. He made Eddy stay back till 1030pm when Eddy was supposed to end work at 6 plus.
How wonderful. Who knows, maybe Eddy has decided on today, the 17th of June, to ask me to be his gf coz 17th of June only happens once in a year. It is a special day. However, coz of the bloody guy who asked Eddy to stay back, I have decided it is too late to meet and I didn't meet Eddy, thus also losing the chance of Eddy asking me to be his gf. Heck, maybe even wife!
It is all the guy's fault. I hate him. Anyway, at around 10 plus, my mum called to ask us if we wanted to go to JB with her friend and her friend's family.
We were supposed to go there to eat. My dad said it would be seafood. I decided seafood was worth sacrificing meeting Eddy, who is gay anyway. Actually he is not but he did not do anything so far to prove he isn't. I have never even caught him oogling at females before. This could prove 4 things.
1) He is gay.
2) His eyes are all over me.
3) He is far sighted.
4) He is in love with llamas/objects/dead people/flower pots etc instead of humans.
1 cannot be true coz I didn't catch him looking at men either. I dun think he is far sighted. So theres our conclusion. Either he is in love with me, or llamas. I put my bet on the llama. Gosh I feel like a flop.
Anyway, my mum's friend has a 4 yr old daugther called Samantha. She is ABSOLUTELY CUTE! And she keeps laughing and laughing. Me and my bro had a great time making her laugh.
Heres her pic.
Thats my mum at the background.
Anyway, Sam is really damn adorable. We were on the car (her daddy drives a BMW) and everyone was shag so she just kept talking to herself and smiling at everyone. She moved to show her mummy something, and when she moved, she knocked her knee on the thing in between the front seats.
She said, "Its okie, its okie!" chirpily to everyone.
Everyone looked at her. No one actually saw her knock her knee. Her mum started to laugh and said no one asked her if she is okie in the first place. Everyone laughed and suddenly Samantha gave her mummy a big kiss on her face! So absolutely sweet!
Alright. I will try to get Eddy to go out with me tml coz 18th of June only happens once a year too, perhaps tml will be the big day. But then again I asked June out for shopping. Alright, time to spoof!
Oh yeah yeah yeah I suddenly remembered a joke that I heard some time ago. I shall write it out!
A man was wanted to fly to country X. He wanted to bring his pet squirrel with him. However, pets are not allowed on airplanes, and he had no idea what to do with his squirrel. But he really really cannot sleep without his pet squirrel by his side. He can't put it in his suitcase coz they will scan it. So he decided on putting the squirrel in his pants.
He managed to get through to the plane, and felt very happy indeed and his evil plot did not get found out. He happily whistled as the plane flew.
Suddenly, a loud "OOOOOWWW!" filled the aircraft. An air stewardess quickly rushed the man's side and asked if anything was the matter.
The man replied weakly that he was fine and asked the air stewardess to go away.
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" screamed the man again. This time, he asked the air stewardess to leave him alone again.
The third time the man screamed, this time much louder. But the time the air stewardess rushed to his side, he was holding the squirrel by itz tail and slamming it repeatedly against the seat in front. He proceeded to dip the squirrel into boiling hot coffee. He took the squirrel and flushed it into the toilet bowl.
Every passenger was appalled by the man's cruelty. No one stopped him though, coz they were afraid of his fury. The air stewardess whimpered meekly to the man, "Sir, why were u so cruel to that squirrel?"
The man said, "The first time I screamed, Hazel (the squirrel) thought my balls were nuts."
"The second time I screamed, she thought my asshole was a treehole"
"The third time I screamed, she tried to bring the nuts into the treehole."
*****
the end!~ Laugh!
I'm very pissed with my computer. Yesterday, I wrote my blog entry happily. It was a rather long one at that. I took a break when I almost finished, and decided to surf a little. And guess what? Internet explorer hung. Great. All I wrote were lost!
I rewrote the entry a second time. This time, i told myself that blog writing is divine and sacred, the attention cannot be shared with other websites. After I finished writing, I pressed "post". Guess what happened? It showed "the page cannot be displayed". I pressed "back" as my sweat droplets formed on my forehead. This can't be happening again, dammit!
But it did happen. So there goes that previous entry. I am gonna try to rewrite everything now.
Valid for yesterday:
I'm a very happy gal today!
Heck, I'm mostly happy, but today started with a good hair day, and thats the beginning to a happy day! But the hell are u supposed to be happy when u wake up looking like an Afro ken? U may argue that Afro kens look perfectly fine but thats coz they are Afro kens. If the previous sentence doesn't make sense to u, read it 10 times over and it might.
As usual the pic is edited. But it still looks ugly. Anyway, I had a very huge pimple on my chin. If u squint u might see the airbrush marks. But no! My photoshop skills are too good.
U might say it is not a good hair day coz very obviously, one side is much longer, and curlier. I say you dunno my hair's temper. Today is fine. U say that u had enough about bimbo topics like hair. So we move on to other superficial topics.
Like money.
Muahahahahahha! The $200 I cheated has became real money! And I am gonna spend it shopping at the GSS!
Yesterday I went to Bernard's place. Nope, we are not together or anything, just friends. Bernard's dad bought us packet dinners. On Bernard's packet, it wrote: bernard.
On mine:
Wahahhahahaahhaha! I find it very amusing! Bernard has never told his family that I am his gf or anything like that but it seems that they have assumed it as such. I got so amused by being called "nu peng you" that I skipped violently from the kitchen to the room to take a photo while telling Bernard that he is doomed to be stuck with me now.
The dad watched the drama unfold, having no idea that it was his innocent labelling that caused all the pandemonium. I must have looked like a lunatic to him when I hopped into the room with the packet of pork chop rice. Bernard insists that his dad meant to buy the rice for S.H.E. Lame hor?
Anyway Bernard said that I look like Yvonne Lim when he saw the blog's background. Ahh.. Recently alot of ppl say the edited picture look like her. I dun mind. I think she is relatively pretty. Although I know that in real life I dun look like her, I still find it a cheap thrill that my creation looks like her.
In fact, this is Yvonne Lim.
You see the resemblance? Coz I dun. Lets try to photoshop her face a little. My eyes are smaller. I always put blusher. My nose is way flatter. My lips are not perky. yadda yadda.
Still dun look like, u say. I know. But I did put in some efforts to photoshop it, so although I failed miserabley, I shall still post it up. Thats coz there are crazy ppl who might say it really looks like.
The day before, I went to preorder The Order of the Phoenix, which is due to be out on Ek's birthday, 21st of June. She seems to take the coincidence as something to be proud of.
Anyway, EK really got into Law school! Thats great ain't it? Maybe I will set up a law column where u all can ask her questions regarding which laws u all can break. Of course, our lawyer friend will be too busy taking bribes to bother answering silly blog readers' queries.
To not let the law column fall into disarray, plus the fact that I refuse to admit that it is a flop, the answers will all be answered by me. Dun gimme that look that I will land u all in jail. I'm pretty good with Law as well. I got a B. Anyway u all will know when it is me who answer.
Qns: Mdm Enormous Ek the excellent lawyer, I would like to admit that I like Wendy's blog alot. I like all her pictures too. I would like to publish it as a book. I'm sure it would be more popular than Adrian Mole's secret diary. Can I just copy and put it all in? Will she be able to sue me for copyrights?
Ans (authentic): No, sir, I'm afraid u cannot do so without her sueing ur ass off. Copyright is the intellectual property right given to the creator of an original work. There are many forms of work and if u publish whatever she has wrote into a book, u will be copying the following:
-Literary works - Wendy's words.
-Dramatic works - Certain parts of her blog contains script-like elements.
-Artistic works - There are some of her drawings. And then there are her photos as well.
A copyright owner may enforce his rights by seeking an injunction againtst threatened infringement. He may also seek damages (meaning u have to pay) and an account of profit, if the infringer had made profits at his expense.
Answer (mine): Copy your head ah. I, I mean, Wendy, will sue ur backside off. Anyway my, I mean, her archives are fucking not working again. U wanna copy u copy lor. Try to right click and see what happens?!
Yup. Wonderful. Anyway, Ek is going to Melbourne soon, where Herpes are prevalent in one in every six Australians. Huh, you ask me whether the sheeps are safe to shag instead of humans? I dunno man! The best is to shag blow up dolls I guess.
EK asked me to attend her Law camp in place of her. I am frankly excited. I will bring translucent white tees only and make sure it gets all wet during the games! I will then try to seduce all the to-be-lawyers, which are no doubt dream guy material.
There is only one problem. What if all the real to-be-lawyers are all touring the world and they all asked their poly friends to take their place too?
Guy: Hi, I'm Josh!
Me: Hi, I'm Ee Kean!
Guy: I was from Hwa Chong. I was from the Waterpolo team and I am its captain. I take F maths. I am also my school's top student this year. Did I forget to mention that I am Prom King too? I stay at 6th Ave and my family has been lawyers for the 67th generation running. My grandfather is Lee Kwan Yew's cousin.
Me: Eh, I was from RJ. I have 4 As for my As. I play the bassoon for the school band which has won its 346th gold medal this year. I dun stay too far away from u. I stay in West Coast in a big 3 storeyed house!
Guy: Oh wonderful. U are of a high class breeding like me too. I like your Gucci bag. How much did u buy it for?
Me: Eh, $1,800. And thanks for the compliment. I like ur Bentley too.
*****
5 days later when I fell in love with dream guy.
Me: I have something to confess to you. The real Enormous Ee Kean is away in Melbourne. Possibly counting real sheep to fall asleep. I am from SP actually. My intelligence is only average, and I am definitely not of a high class breeding. In fact, I can't even play a musical instrument except the recorder. I dun even stay in a 3 storeyed house. I stay at teban gardens.
Guy: Huh that sounds like a condo to me.
Me: You idiot. It is not. Anyway all these are not important! Please tell me u dun think it is important.
Guy: Okie. All these are not important. Which part of EK is enormous?
Me: Generosity, to let me attend the Law camp.
Guy: I see... Erm, it doesn't matter that u cheated me. Coz Josh is in South Africa playing water polo against North Koreans.
Me: Why am I not surprised? Anyway what are North Koreans doing in South Africa?
Guy: No idea.
Me: Okie. So u from poly as well? This is Josh's yacht?
Guy: Poly? Nah. I dun need to study. This is Josh's yacht alright.
Me: Oh.
Guy: Haha you look disappointed. I dun study coz I am an Arab prince. Josh's yacht is a baby. I mean literally. Mine is over there.
*He points to Star Aquarius*
Guy: "Too crowded though. If not I would have brought you. The bentley's really mine though. Can u marry me baby? Coz I am so in love with you!"
Me, thinking of what Eileen said about Arabs (read 2 entries down): Yes yes please!
Oops why did the story develop into a happy one? Nvm lar. I am meeting Eddy for dinner at Ikea. We will be shopping for furniture for our future home. Yeah right. Just going there for the meatballs, haha...
More blogging tonight.
Muahahahahahha!! Guess what my mum brought back today!! A new MONITOR!! Actually its my uncle's one so it is not new. But heck, I'm really glad.
When I opened the blog's site, I felt exactly like a baby cockroach being hatched out of the egg and realising that I am a hideous cockroach. Not like I was ever a baby cockroach, but all I'm saying is that I got a big shock.
All this while my monitor has been a shade of light blue, and I edited my photos and backgrounds etc making it all a little too red coz on my com it looks just fine. I just realised my lips look too orangy red in the background pic. Yikes.
And all my pictures look a tad too red coz I adjusted its hue in photoshop to what my dumb brain thought was the correct colour. Dammit.
Anyway some ppl asked me why I have only one eye in the background.
-_-
Thats coz your screen resolution is 800 X 600, silly. I think everyone should change the resolution to 1024 X 768. Thats the standard size ain't it? Isn't it troublesome to have to scroll sidewards???
Speaking of com stuff, I think I am a web guru. Thats coz I just added a marquee thing to my site, all by MYSELF!! Ain't I smart? Aha! I betcha can't do it.
Even if u can, I'm equal with u coz I can do it as well. That makes u a web guru too. Ok I praised u already, so dun say anything now, hahhaha.
Wendy the Web Wizard! Hey, it allierates! Wait, it sounds like a very powerful spider.
Anyway, this will be a short blog coz I'm not in the blogging mood. My interest suddenly turned toward HTML tags. How fascinating that all those messy words can just transform into a nice website like mine!!
I watched Ju-on today and IT SUCKED BIG TIME. Typically, the female ghost had a white face, long black hair and crawled around like zhen zi did. Yawnz, how freaking scary! I'm trembling all over in the memory of that horrifying scene!
The plot had not much meaning. The ghosts seem to be going around to just delibrately scare ppl. The highlights of the show was that there were cute Japanese school gals hoping around in their uniforms with those knee high shoes. Exactly the kinda girls u would want in ur porn. Thats for u. I like the Vivian Hsu kind.
I just decided, can everyone write in the comments box which kinda porn is the best? Including the girls. Haha... I have this feeling no one will admit they watch porn though.
I'm gonna sleep now! I will write more tml!
I can see the smile on ur face for the refreshing short blog entry this once, which happens once in a rainbow-coloured moon. (Thats 28 times rarer than a blue moon, btw.)
I am so excited! I feel so happy!! I feel justly rewarded for my loyal support!
See what came along in the mail this morning!
My own Pasta mania VIP membership card!! Actually its not VIP, as in not Very Important Person. It is Very Indulgent Person.
To get the card I must eat a grand total of 36 pastas from Pasta mania since like 4 months ago when they started this thing. Yaaay! I am now a certified Pasta Maniac! I hope that helps me attract more Italian men. Italian are sexy!!!
Speaking of nationalities and men, that day I was telling Eileen when I was with her at Zouk (remember that Zao geng picture?) that she had this friend's friend who looked very cute.
Me: "Hey Eileen, that Nabil guy very cute leh. Weird name though."
She: shouting through the loud music, "Yeah man cute. He is Arab."
Me: "Oh no wonder dun look local. Arab then?"
She: "Arabs got huge dicks."
Me: "WHAT?!"
She: "Arabs got very big dicks!" She proceeded to give me a wink in Nabil's direction. "but he is attached."
I think we both looked at his groin for a second. It looked disappointingly normal.
Me: "Oh fuck. Lucky girlfriend. Can share or not."
Heehee.
Anyway, I'm going out in a while to watch movie with James. My monitor is behaving very horribly. It took a total of around 25 whacks before it regained its colour again. More blogging when I come home.
Tata everyone!
