OH FUCK IT! I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY 8910 ENTRY!! FUCK FUCK FUCK! God dammit!!! I am so pissed! Anyone saved it or something? Eh, I hardly think so. Oh, I am so angry. Someone find me a watermelon to smash.

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A few days ago when I was actively searching the web for a good deal for my 8910, I came up with some encounters.

I tried to look for a good deal at #nokia in irc, in which I met alot of stupid Ah bengs trying to sell me their hps/hp casings/etc electronic gadgets.

There are many times in life that we meet annoying people of course. Sometimes u just get so infuriated by them. Not to worry, DR Wendy here will teach u how to get outta the situation with a snap.

To counter the dumb who dun think they are dumb, and are at the same time crude, uncivilised and unreasonable: Simple. Irritate the shit out of them by being irrelevant.

[AhBeNG_86]Wat pHoNe YoU LoOk|ng 4?

[Xia`xue] I already stated in the main that I want an 8910.

[AhBeNG_86]T68i U 1, i buy u cheap cheap.

[Xia`xue] You mean sell.

[AhBeNG_86] Kan ni na, haha.. Nvm lorx. ThEn u wan mi fone not?

[Xia`xue] Nah, I have in mind something more classy, thanks anyway.

[AhBeNG_86] CHeeBye! dun wan say dun wan, dun insult my phone. T68i too lousy for u izzit? It is a good hp, got colour somemore okie nabeh!

[Xia`xue] Aiyoh why are u insulting the hp lidat? Say it is lousy and everything. Dun insult urself mah, say until like u got such bad taste to choose the phone. It is actually quite a nice phone lar, u say until like it is worthless.

[AhBeNG_86] lan jiao! You are the one who say it is a lousy fone!

[Xia`xue] Huh but it is quite a good fone what! What u mean it is lousy? The functions not good meh?

[AhBeNG_86] fuck lar, since it is a good fone u buy lorx. i buy u at $250.

[Xia`xue] Nah, I have in mind something more classy, thanks anyway.

[AhBeNG_86] KAN NI NA BU **** C*** B**!!!! YOU FUCKING BITCH!

-Please note that u shld ALWAYS end IRC arguments with this final sentence.

[Xia`xue] Oh shut it. I have just put you on Ignore so whatever u say, I cannot see at all. U can choose to continue shouting like a lunatic.

[AhBeNG_86] Dun bluff, I bet u can see this.

[Xia`xue] Laalaalaalallaalalala

-After a few minutes, when he is unaware-

[Xia`xue] Laalaalaalallaalalala! I still can't see you! Are u still ranting??

This method should work well for Ah bengs. In fact, it shld work well with everyone, but there are exceptions, which are the following two types of people: Horny bastards, and the Super Smart.

Because I tried to go to #nus to advertise for my 8910, which is not allowed in case u dunno about IRC rules, I had to change my nick to prevent embarrassment. I think some people in that channel know me and its totally unglam to be kicked out for advertising.

SO. I changed my nick to `8910, predictably. The nick could have several connotations to it.

1) I would like to purchase an 8910
2) I HAVE an 8910 (Aka I am relatively rich and purposely flaunting it).
3) I just like the 8910 with no intentions of actually buying it.

If u realised, ALL the options are good reasons for sex perverts to talk to me. With the 1st and 3rd reason I get dirty old men asking me whether I can do a blow for them for $200 an hour, and a few blows gets me the phone. (Blow for an hour?? Am I really that lousy, or are they just impotent??!) With the 2nd reason I get whores trying to sell me their bodies thinking I'm some rich fuck.

The only way to outirritate Horny Bastards are to outhorny them.

[7Inchdick] Hi, u want the 8910?

[Xia`xue] yes.

[7Inchdick] I buy for you, want?

-Change your nick to something that sounds melancholy-

[SoLonely] And what must I do for you?

[7Inchdick] I want to lick your pussy.... You wun feel lonely anymore. I will make you feel so wet, so good, so horny. I am masterbating to ur words now, in fact.

[SoLonely] =(

[7Inchdick] Why, darling? Come over to my place now, I got strawberry flavoured condom, sure you like it. I will go in, and out, and in, and out of you. I will make u cum.

[SoLonely] You sure?

[7Inchdick] Yes. Cum over. (pun intended, darling)

[SoLonely] How old are u?

[7Inchdick] 29, and you?

[SoLonely] I'm 56 you see. U wun want to lick my pussy. It is all crumpled after I gave birth to my 3 kids. I am lonely cause they are all still outside now. That Jolene ah, tml got school still go Thailand. And my husband left me after I gave birth to my youngest son 3 years ago. I need some love.

[7Inchdick] Eh, okie. I can dun mind ur age if u look still young and pretty.

[SoLonely] I can only give u my vital stats. 36, 32, 38. Oh man I wan you to lick my breasts. I wan u to lick my toes and my feet and my legs, although I haven shaved like for years. I want you to call me what my hubby used to call me, HoneyLips. It is refering to the other pair of lips of course. =( Now he calls HoneyLips, SaggyDroopyLips. I need love! And sex!

[7Inchdick] Eh, okie....

[SoLonely] Do send me a picture of you! I want a nude picture, so that I can look at it and stuff that hot lava lamp up my vagina!

[7Inchdick] Oh god u can stuff a lava lamp inside your vagina?

[SoLonely] You mean it is not normal???

-After viewing the pic-

[SoLonely] Your dick is so lovely. Can I put it up my arse??

[7InchDick] You are so disgusting!!!

[SoLonely] =( Sorry lar. I go over now k k? I send u my pic.



Have fun as the pervert runs away, totally freaked out. LOLz (to be continued)

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(Continued.)
For the super smart

[MensaNerd] Would you like to acquire my used t68i which is in a startlingly mint semblance indeed, because of my devotion that once was unique to my handphone?

[Xia`xue] Pardon??

[MensaGuy] I have already wrote whatever u did not manage to comprehend, with the incompetent piece of what you call a brain, here in this chatbox. If u did not manage to capture what I mentioned, you can commodiously lift up ur fat fingers and click on scroll up and view it a second time. But no. You say "Pardon", and what do u expect me to do, cut and paste?

-Suddenly realises I am outsmarted. Time to irritate the complacent bastard.-

[Xia`xue] How to do cut and paste?

[MensaGuy] Dun waste my time, I need to research on the trajectory path of missiles for the SAF, PLUS finish my LAW thesis, AND write an article on Slim 10 as I am the head of the Medicine Club in NUS.

[Xia`xue] What waste ur time? You got so many useless things to do, u jealous issit, I am so pretty and smart.

[MensaGuy] I, jealous of you! Looks are only superficial! And I dun think u are smart at all. U sound damn stupid like the rest of the common folks. ALL BENEATH ME!

-Send him my pic with Christy Chung's body photoshopped on it (Aka the picture in the previous entry with the black dress, in case u all didn't realise it had gone thru deep digital surgery)-

[MensaGuy] Your body is fabulous. Okie u may be rather pulchritudinous, but u have not proved urself to be worthy of talking to me, coz u are dense!

-Start to speak in a foreign language starting from now. I suggest Norwegian, Portugese or some weird language just in case the guy knows french or German or Italian. Can be found at http://www.freetranslation.com-

[Xia`xue] Minst taler I et fremmedspr�k, kan De? (Norwegian: At least I can speak a foreign language, can you?)

[MensaGuy] Pardon??

[Xia`xue] I have already wrote whatever u did not manage to comprehend, with the incompetent piece of what you call a brain, here in this chatbox. If u did not manage to capture what I mentioned, you can commodiously lift up ur fat fingers and click on scroll up and view it a second time. But no. You say "Pardon", and what do u expect me to do, cut and paste?

[Xia`xue] That was Norwegian. And I can speak 8 different languages.

[Xia`xue] Mais je ne vous trouve pas digne de me parler(French: But I find you not worthy to talk to me.) Sie sind so dumm wie Schei�e (German: You are as stupid as shit.) Il Fuck via da ed arrivederci. (Italian: Fuck off and goodbye!)

[MensaGuy] ...

[Xia`xue] You have missed out on a pretty and smart girl like me. I also happen to have a nice butt and a prestigious phone (Ok ok enough already.). That will teach u to be rude in future. Anyway, u are on ignore now so dun write anymore, non lo posso vedere (Italian: I cannot see you.)

[MensaGuy] Come back!

[Xia`xue] Laallallallaalaalaalaa!

*****

Wahahhaha... I think I am too Bo liao. Gonna sleep now. Tml I shall make alot of people hate me. I shall tell u all why I am an avid supporter of piracy.

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LOL.. I think I almost laughed my head off when I first saw my own blog today.

For those of you who didn't see the tagboard entries, heres what someone wrote. And since the house above me seems to have taken a fetish to drilling in the mornings and I can't sleep, lets do some insults, shall we?

antixiaxue: i think you are fat. admit it. no wonder we see pictures of your upper body only. when i first saw your pic, thought you were some china shit

To him (him coz I dunno ur gender) I say: hohoho... Too bad only u think I am fat. Oh wait Bernard said I am fat. So did EK, XF, June... Okie alright I am fat. SO??? Big fuck ah? Fat got fault ah? Fat cannot post photos izzit? Hmmmm if 42 kg is considered fat, I wonder what u describe Moses Lim as? If a size 25 Levi's fits me and I am fat, shld I diet till I fit a size 22? Oh wait 24 is the smallest size already, hmmm...

Fucked up people like YOU! They fuck the world up. U and ur vindictive kind make it such that girls who are appropriate sizes go diet like crazy and they get bulimic (did I spell this correct?) and such.

2 years ago I walked into The Body Shop and I decided to believe what the poster said. "Love your body". Yup! I will not let u destroy my confidence. The rest of the world is okie with my body. =)

Heres a picture of my whole body.



I am not fat! I bet u are fatter, no? What do u mean it doesn't look like me? It IS me. Wahahhaha...

LOL its okie to look like China shit coz Zhang Zi Yi looks perfectly fine to me. Oh perhaps u are hinting I look like Gong Li? Faye Wong? I dun mind looking like them.

antixiaxue: whats with the act cute face anyway huh?so whats with that sony camera if you cant take good pictures?editted by photoshop...lame

(Readers beware, the following is not meant for the weak hearted.)

U want act cute? I give u act cute. Heres a series of act cute photos I took just to irritate and traumatize the udders out of you.



Awwww... Why u say I act cute? I am so sad! I want candy! (Yes, I am aware it looks hideous.)



I love my fake dimples! I want candy!

LOL... Those are act cute. My normal photos aren't. Now be glad for that.

Erm, what makes u think I can't take good pictures?

Now heres a good picture!!




(okie this picture is not taken by me.

WOW! No, I didn't photoshop Utt to be beside me!!! Can u believe it I actually saw him yesterday! I'm gushing, I'm so excited! Can u believe he actually hugged me! Gush gush gush.. I like Utt coz I think Utt looks like this guy in my school whom I liked for like a year last year.

Tyron


Yup, he is in SP and he is a Mannequin model, pun not intended.

I am never gonna wash my jacket.

Alright enough digressing.

Edited is spelt with single t, u dumbass.

Erm, just coz it is edited by photoshop doesn't mean it is lame, duh. I bet u can't even use that software. And u think u get all the pretty pictures u get on posters etc without editing? Fat chance. It is a SKILL to know how to use photoshop properly. Lets see u do it.

antixiaxue: see the world thru' my eyes??? see the world thru' your ass bitch...

U wish. My ass is thoroughly nice and only my shit is allowed to see the world through it. Perhaps u would like to be my shit? =) I think you have just slapped urself.

Oh yeah baby. Proud to be the bitch I am, baby.

antixiaxue: anyway i think your dog is screwed. ITS legs are far too close together...makes it hard for IT to mate...hah!

My dog is male, thus even if itz legs are close together it can still mate. Come to think of it, doggie-style is ok for close-together legs what, for both sexes. It is apparent that u have no knowledge about sex at all. Which might be a good thing of course, who knows what perverts like u will do to ur sex partner. Say that he/she is fat?

U think what, dogs do it missionary style?? LOL.. The imagery is killing me.

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(continued) On a last note:

U are very stupid indeed to come and insult on MY blog, coz I can easily *snaps fingers for effect* delete everything u write. In fact, I am gonna write with ur alias at the end of this very entry such that u apologize to me. =) Oh, I love cheap thrills, and the best thing is??

The best thing is?

You cannot do anything about it. Nanny nanny poo poo!

Of course, there are several reasons for ur evilness. Oh heck, it could even be a combination of all the reasons.

1) Ur name is Shui Xiang.
2) U are a city harvest priest/cult member.
3) U are the owner of the Ah lian blog. But then again, (i) I dun think she actually can read. (ii) Where are all the lorx and cums?
4) U are a donkey.
5) U are the owner of a totally unsuccessful blog, possibly ur url is http://nobodyeverreadsme.blogspot.com. Thus u are envious of my blog's success.
6) U are ugly, fat, poor and stupid thus u hate the world in general.
7) U are Jonathon. If u are, go see a doctor about the sperm problem.
8) U are the fellow behind/in front of me when I was watching LOTRs.
9) U are ugly, fat, poor and stupid thus u hate the world in general. I am repeating this coz I think it is the most possible.
10) U are Steve tylor.

For all of u who went "What the?!" at the last reason, it is just there to complete 10 reasons. Looks nicer than 9 reasons.

Oh yeah I just thought of the 11th reason, which is very possible too.

11) U are a true blue fan in disguise. U have actually read my blog since it had its very first virginal entry. U secretly and faithfully read my blog everyday, silently lending me all the support I would ever need. U loved the fact that I didn't know u were there all the time, but u actually are.

And then! And then came the multitude of readers. God dammit. Readers who actually speak up saying they support me. Readers who claim to be a more avid fan than you. U are angry; furious even. You urself know that U are the biggest fan, NOT THEM! WHY DID THEY HAVE TO COME! "Wendy IS MINE, AND MINE ALONE!", you scream in fury.

These readers keep getting my replies. You get zero attention at all! Thats all u get for being a loyal fan for so long! U need the attention from me! If u speak up now as a normal reader, thats what u are, just another normal reader! U need to shout at me, insult me, to get my attention! UUUUUURRRRRGHHHH!!

And then u get so angry, u turn green. U have became The Incredible HULK! And u crash things! Boom! Crash! Kapow! The reason why u took so long to express urself is coz u keep smashing ur computer to bits.

U have the anger of the people who stay at Chinatown, watching their old homes become concrete jungles. You only liked my blog when it still had that lovely pink background with blue words. AND NO FANS! Absolutely NO FANS!

Ah... I aptly described how u feel, didn't I? C'mon, let me give u a hug, u poor thing. Dun worry darling, my blog is still the same as it was before, just that the template is changed.

There. I gave u attention. One whole entry just writing about you. Happy? Now fuck off, u big jumping pistachio nut. Aha, I know u are reading this. U just needed the attention so much.

But if u reply,
1) I will delete it anyway. This will torment u infinitely, being not able to speak up.
2) U will show that u came back to read my blog, which u claimed u hate. Since u are so appalled by my blog, I wonder what u are doing here. So u like it secretly, don't it?

Anyway I would still like to thank you, coz actually I had nothing to blog about today, and u created some topics. =)

And of course to Shawn, John Sim, Jo, Firecow, chicken and Havenized, thanks for defending me. Needed it, lol. Am really touched. *insert sobbing smiley here*

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I think I wrote too much in the past few entries. Can't imagine that one stupid story about Jonathon becomes 3 entries! Gosh. So I shall fill this entry with pictures. U groan and say that it will take a billions years for the page to load!

AHA! But good things got to wait one mah. Just go play minesweeper a bit and when u come back, the page is magically filled with my words.

Alternatively if u are one of those ppl who STILL dunno how the hell minesweeper works, u can go to Kazaa and download porn lor.

Anyway, today's theme will be kinky. It is UNIFORMS.

Ritz's



I look hideous in that pic and I am afraid no amount of photoshop can save me. And I suspect XF and PY wun like me to publish their pics too. Thus that jap girl's head.

Who is that jap gal, so pretty.....? Why, its me and my two twin sisters of course. And oh yeah dammit. I think I am really too much into banqueting. Notice I stood with that polite banquet pose!

New Park hotel



I tried to photoshop XF's pic... Looks a little weird to me... Nvm lar... Anyway the colour looks wrong. It shld be a hideous purple. Strangely, after I photoshopped XF's pic I felt like I am one of those designers hugging their models. Typically the designer is short, ugly and very proud of his work. I think I look like that in the pic.

Many of u asked me how the Tiger Beer uniform looks like. So I took a picture.



Not very sleazy right? Itz to knee length somemore. It may be interesting to note that Angmohs seem to love that uniform alot. Someone (a lady) once requested to buy it from me.

Okie I'm sorry the pictures are not kinky at all. LOL... I just dun feel like blogging.

Oh yeah I managed to kop bernard's extra hp for temporary usage.


I feel very pleased with myself. In fact, I dun feel like returning the hp to him at all. Perhaps I will pretend to quarrel with him and refuse to answer his calls. AND THEN THE HP WILL BE MINE, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

OK I am going mad already.

Lets end this on a light and fluffy note.



Cloudy is absolutely cute, ain't he?

Yes, thats my foot alright.

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Lets start the blog entry with today's events first. Oh no this entry is gonna be super duper long again.

Eddy the efficient engineer is no longer an engineer. He is an army boy all over again... Yup, reservist. I met up with him today for dinner with some of his army pals. Typically, I asked him whether his army friends are cute.

Typically he said yes, very cute.

U just can't expect a decent answer when u ask guys if their buddies are cute. They would surely say yes, and in the end turns out kannasai. U men shld stop deceiving us gals like that. It is very rude when we make a screwed up disgusted face when the said friend arrives. At least say "ok lar...", which is universal language for hideous, to let us have some preparations mah...

I saw Eddy first, and I was like "Hmmmm... first time seeing him in non-office clothes... That thin white tee looks totally gorgeous with the muscles underneath it shouting out that they are well-trained for the precise purpose of wearing thin white tees... Yum..."

And then this other guy in front caught my attention. Ah, buying a cake, quite cute.

Eddy shouted out, "Hey Edmund!"

Cute Edmund turned around and shook my hand. What, all cute guys have their names starting with E nowdays?

Anyway heres a group photo I took. I'm sorry Eddy, for betraying u and posting the picture. Anyway since u love me u will forgive me, right? LOL



Ah, I dun think I need to say who is Edmund. Eddy said he is practising using that forced smile on photos nowdays. The pursed lips look quite bad. I think he just had enough of people calling him a pretty boy, and is trying to make himself look ugly. Or perhaps he doesn't wanna look so gay. When u are fit and cute u tend to look gay. Since he can't minus the fit, minus the cute then.

I would like to say that I had a very bad hair day today. This further proves the theory right that whenever I would have a bad hair day whenever I meet up with people I would want to attract.

Oh wait, since I had a bad hair day BEFORE meeting the people I would like to impress, it could mean that it works the other way. Whenever I have a bad hair day, people I would like to impress would ask me out. That sounds slightly better.

Shld I purposely make myself have bad hair days then? Hmmm...



No wonder Eddy looks so unhappy.

I know no one is looking at the humans in the picture. Everyone is looking at the golden beer. LOL... Oh yeah speaking of Eddy. He said that he had a friend of his who actually called him to tell him that his pic is on the world wide web.

Recently I keep getting startled with the readership of the blog. It is seriously scaring me. Random ppl on irc come to talk to me and say that they have read my blog.

Inspired by the popularity, I did a very narcissic thing. I did a search on the words 'Xiaxue blog'. AHA! Guess what I found!

I am utterly disgusted by her.

She wrote: wah lao..haha.. oh i read the xiaxue blog liao.. she so xian lan..haha..compare herself to ayumi..pls lorx.. wah remind me of sum1 say sum1 in my class look like ayumi..oh my...pls lorx.. ayumi so so chio.how to compare..

1) WTF is XIAN LAN?

2) Since when did I compare myself with Ayumi? Gosh, I merely tried to imitate her. (digital camera pic remember? The one in the background.)

3) Shut up with all ur "lorx, sia, knnccb, cum" etc etc ah lian language, it is irritating the lungs outta me! I have like NO idea why people like to use the word "cum" to replace come. Its just an alphabet extra to write, cmon! Got lazy until lidat meh?? And it immediately changes the meaning to a word so crude. Bleah.

4) I feel like slapping you with Eddy's used facial blotter, which looks like that:


If u thought that ah lians dun blog u are terribly wrong! Please do click on the link to freak urself out. I had no idea my blog's address has got into the realm of Lians and Bengs. Certain types of people just can't appreciate my kinda humour I guess. Post a picture of urself imitating a star, and they say you bu yao lian already lor. I mean, lorx!

-_- how are u supposed to pronouncex everythingx withx anx x behindx itx?

This one is better:
(to havenized I hope u dun mind me copying this out...)

highly recommended blog of the day! --http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com/

ha if u wanna read some haha-blog go to this! This girl is really damn funny.. she manages to make me laugh like mad in every entry.. ok frankly speaking i dunno her.. she's my fren's fren's fren's fren... hmmm... haha.. man i think she's talented! haha if she ever sees this think her ego will burst! haha..

*smilez* Help me my ego is bursting! =)

And then a comment her friend left:

[chong] hahaha. i think she can start collecting money from pple reading her blog oredi... wah she's gonna be famous. soon everyone will be talking abt her in town den the media will crowd her house to interview her n hahaha gawd noes wt'll happen... the guy she likes will come back n beg her to accept him! yah meanwhile let's just continue to let her entertain us.

Thank you, although the compliments are not meant to be heard by me.

I guess some ppl think that compliments will make me pompous and conceited, but I would like to disagree. Generally people are much more stingy with compliments than criticism, so for every encouragement u give me, possibly someone has told me to give up blogging. It strikes a balance, somehow.

Haha once again heres a big *HUG* to all those who gave my encouragements!

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