Quite often I get comments like this:

Xiaxue you think you are very pretty meh? Please lar, look at urself in the mirror! What do you see? A PIG! Imagine a world without Revlon, without L`oreal! You will look like shit and you know it! Your pretty face currently is just a facade!

Well, to this I really got to argue it out.

To everyone with this view:

See, I dun deny that I was born ugly.

You dun usually discriminate ugly people because they are ugly, right? You dun look at someone on the streets, and say "FUCK IT! She is freaking ugly! Thats a crime!"

Coz it is plain unfair that you do that. Well, I am relatively ugly without make-up, I admit it.

Then we come to the make-up part.

Please understand. What if you are born ugly, BUT, you are blessed with a skill? A skill so valuable... And together with the skill are tools that are economically priced. With the two, you can make yourself look better in a jiffy. With the two, you can feel more confident of yourself, and make others view you in a better light as well. Miraculously, you can have the opposite sex's attention, without even doing plastic surgery on urself.

You are telling me you wun do it? I dun think so.

Most girls do not put make-up because they find it a hassle. Not only that, they do not have (or have not mastered) the skill to apply make-up properly, such that the end result is a much more beautiful self.

Well, I dun see what is wrong with being pretty only with make up? It is phoney, you exclaim. WRONG. Because you can SEE that I am having make-up on. Who am I cheating?

So according to the stupid logic about "being natural is being beautiful", should I keep my ugly face (when I have the absolute power to make it much better) and just be ugly, not doing anything about it?

Having a choice between being all natural but ugly, and made-up but beautiful, I choose the latter. There is nothing wrong with my decision at all. If you are feeling pissed that some people did not manage to see through the make-up and decided that I am a natural beauty, well, its their stupidity and there is nothing you can do about it.

I'm sure you urself have cheated people about ur looks in some way. Rebonding? Tooth whitening toothpaste? All these products make your looks phoney. You are actually much uglier, right?

I really feel like slapping guys when they say they prefer girls without make-up. IT IS A FREAKING STUPID THING TO SAY.

When is a woman most beautiful? On her wedding day my dears, and it is ALWAYS with make up.

You want your bride without make-up? Fine, let her strut around with that big pimple on her chin. Let other people see your wife looking tired and pale from all the preparations! No make-up! No phoney-ness! All natural!

Here we are, the gals, making an effort to make ourselves look prettier so that you men can bask in glory as you walk around with us holding your arm. And you men are complaining that we put too much make up. You all have the nerve to complain that we shld look beautiful without make-up, and not only look pretty when we have it on. So how if we just cannot manage to look good without make-up? Break with us lor, go find someone who looks good without make-up.

Bet she is with someone else who looks good without hair gel or whatever products you men use to beautify yourself. And he is, unfortunately for you, likely to have a dick size of 8 inches.

I understand, of coz, the dilemma of men. Some women just CMI with make up, coz they apply it wrongly. Perhaps too much, or perhaps it makes them look like they are going for a wayang show. In these situations, the men can complain about make-up, of course. I am not that unreasonable.

I just cannot stand the stupid comment about "natural is beauty". To stand true to your theory, do not brush your teeth from now on. Do not shave, or colour your hair. Do not even delibrately train your muscles. For girls, do not pluck your eyebrows or armpit hair. There you go, all natural, like you just stepped outta blue lagoon. It is my guess, however, that you wun look the least bit like Blooke Shields.

All natural? I wonder if we would still like our celebrities if they looked like this:



Ha!



Well, came as a horrible shock right? Our own Wong lilin... One day, I was in irc chatting with some male friends. I happened to ask them which Singaporean actress is prettiest, and a lot said Wong Lilin. I went to Yahoo to search for her pic, and a stupid fan or hers (I suppose he is deluded) captioned the photos I found as "Very very pretty!".

What can I say? Different people have different tastes. Plastic surgery on the eyelids anyway, in case you men didnt notice.



Alright I am not a celebrity but still...

In conclusion, I am not pretty naturally without make-up. The latter has aided me in my looks. So? I dun deny it, and I am not cheating anyone. And so what if I am ugly??

Theres nothing wrong with being ugly at all, so scold me all you want. You just sound superficial and idiotic.

(In case you are thinking: If you said there is nothing wrong with being ugly, then why are you bothering to put on make-up to look better? Well, my answer is that I feel more confident about myself when I look better, and things go smoother. There is no fault to being ugly, but it is undeniable that there are advantages to being good-looking, which is why everyone is trying to look better, except Tibetian monks.)

-It is not a crime to prance around pretty with make up. It is a crime to let urself remain ugly when u can make yourself look better.-

*****

Speaking of the type of guys who say "Natural is beautiful", we have come to a similar type of guys. Yes, it is the type that says "Simplicity is beauty".

In my opinion, both speakers deserve a good tight slap.

See, I once heard a guy friend of mine tell me: "The kinda girl I like right, is pretty, and look sweet. She must look like she is stupid stupid like that, but actually she is very smart."

I almost exploded. I screamed: WHY MUST SHE LOOK STUPID? WHY CANNOT LOOK CLEVER?

He was dumbfounded.

Men! Seriously. I have no idea why why why on earth they want their gfs to look dumb. There is only one reason of course, which is to feed their own bloody ego. They are scared that the gf looks superior standing next to them. Well, if they cannot accept the fact that their gf has something close to a brain and look like they can recite the alphabet, they can jolly well date a date (the red kind we boil soup with).

It is a fact. Females are equal to males brains-wise, and instead of being ashamed of a gf smarter than they are, guys should learn to feel proud that such smart girls chose to be with them. What century liao, for goodness sake.

Which is, I guess, why shu nus are so damn popular. Because they are dumb.

Someone told me that he thinks that he wouldn't mind having Mo Jing Jing as a gf. For those of you who dun watch Holland Village on Channel 8, Mo Jingjing is a semi retarded girl.

I almost died. She speaks 3 words a minute. The said fren claimed that she is good what, very pure and innocent, unlike many girls in our society now, so slutty and bitchy. (Somehow I suspect this is how paedophiles think too.) The above sentence makes sense as well... But should be girls succumb to these guys expectations and from now on be quiet and unopinionated too?

No.

I won't change myself just to fit these selfish guys. They can jolly well date semi-retards and have the time of their lifes talking about nothing deeper than the weather to these females. I dun mind. I will wait for a truely intelligent guy who can appreciate females with some opinions of their own, and is not threatened by my achievements, but supportive.

There was this other time another guy friend shrieked when he saw Jaime Teo on TV.

He practically worshipped the telly for having flashed her face for 2 seconds.

I frowned, told myself to calm down, and said quietly, "She pretty meh?"

He said, still dreamy-eyed, "Yes, very very pretty. The best of Mediacorp so far."

I was stunned. I couldn't help myself as indignant words came out of my mouth.

"SIAO! She look so normal! So common! NUS girl face, go to NUS can find a few hundred like her face liao, whats so special? Normal eyes, normal nose, normal lips... Nothing what! She look so common and simple!"

He stared at me (giving me the exsperated face so many guys like to give me when I insult Jolin/Wong lilin/etc), and asked slowly,

"Thats where you are wrong, yanyan. The beauty of her, lies in her simplicity."

"Oh really?", I told him.

"Go date an amoeba then. Can't get simplier than that."

-We girls solemnly swear to get rid of stupid MCPs one fine day.-

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Hiyah, dun see the point of writing in my new url when spammers actually bothered to email me to get my address. If you spammers want to spam, please go ahead, I will be ignoring it from now one. Can see just how extremely bo liao some people are; must be a cross between an iguana and a leech.

In case you people are thinking iguanas and leeches are can hardly fit into the description of "bo liao", well, its just a chance to show the immerse amount of animals at my place now.

Alright, my dad is weird, I admit it. Of course, as a kid I have never interacted much with other people's dads (except uncles, none of which I am especially close to) so I thought my dad was normal.

See, the weird thing about him is: HE DOESNT WATCH SOCCER.

He does understand the big deal about it at all. Thats weird isn't it? Ask I grew older I realised MOST guys like football. Even my 80 yr old grandpa watches football while my dad stares uninterested at the TV screen wearing the expression that in his opinion soccer shld last 30 secs. One would find him gazing lovingly at the boring angelfish in the tank five mins later.

Weird. Both fish and soccer joined up makes the most boring thing on earth. Oh wait, I suppose thats either using fish as a soccer ball, or fish playing soccer. Seems to me that combined it is better, hmmm... Soccer is more interesting in the sense that you can at least bet some money on it and win, but fish!

Digressing, I have something against fish. I think they make horrible pets. I have absolutely NO IDEA why some guys my age (peh pehs still understandable) have such a big interest in luo hans.

June's bf, for one, is mesmerised with luo hans. XF's bf too. And the poor dears, coz I heard from June that Benjamin brought her to a luo han exhibition once. Actually, I only have a vague impression he did that, but heck it, I'm sure he is planning one excursion like that soon.

A date to the neighbouring luo han store!

IF ANY GUY DARES TO BRING ME TO A LUO HAN EXHIBITION, I WILL MAKE SURE I SLAP HIM WITH A USED BANQUET STOCKING.

Whats so fun about looking at dumb, greedy and ugly creatures swimming around senselessly? At least get a dog, and he recognises his owners and is nice to hug when you are down. BUT A FISH! What good can it do?

Nowadays I go to people's houses to expecting to see luo hans, and while (usually we will see this scenerio) the father of the place is either cleaning or glazing lovingly at his fish, I feel obligned to go and take look (well the father will give a "Come look at my enormous and colourful luo han" face) and as much as I hate to do it, praise the fish.

There are plenty of people out there more deserving praise than the stupid luo han. I dun feel like giving it to him at all. At least if I told Saddam Hussein (is he still alive?) that he is handsome, maybe he would nod sagely in agreement and stuff 20 rupiahs into my palm. But the luo han! I am sure it is not appreciative of my praise at all.

Idris' (Dun know who? Check character intro please) dad has a nice luo han. In fact, two nice luo hans. Oh wait the last time I heard that fish has laid eggs. So perhaps many many luo hans now. Idris' place is infested with fish.

True, that luo han looks plenty terrific compared to the rest of its species I have seen. Big and colourful. Yet, nobody seems to understand that no matter how colourful and big and convexed its forehead is, it is still a very ugly fish.

I assume that the love for luo hans is because of the media and its bullshit about luo hans having a magical ability to predict 4D numbers. Utter nonsense. I say that if u stared at my middle finger long enough, you would be able to see 4 magic numbers too, but thats because after staring too long you start to hallucinate. Perhaps then, if we hallucinate we will be able to have a glimpse into the future?

I predict that with the economy downfall and everyone's mad scramble to try to strike lottery, we will have the following situations happening:

Husband: *Whistles as he walks into the house*

Wife: Honey, you are home!

Husband: Yes darling, and look what this is!

Wife: Oh. (Tone of voice becomes flat) Another luo han. It is getting ridiculous, George! This is the 67th we have!

Husband, dreamy-eyed: So big, so colourful, the forehead so kok!

Wife: I have to wash the dishes.

-A few hours later, husband still gazing adoringly at new aquisition, now swimming non-chalently in the tank-

Wife: Would you like to have sex?

Husband: Later... I think I see 3 numbers already!

Wife: Oh fuck it, George! Look at me please!

Husband: *Turns and sees wife naked holding handcuffs* Later okie? I really need to see this.

Wife: I... *puts a vicious hand into the tank* HAD... *Grabs the new fish* ENOUGH.....! *Violently takes the fish by the tail and slams it repeatedly on the edge of the dinner table*

Husband: Wooh. So angry for what! Have sex have sex lar. Ok ok? Dun angry! *Starts to take off his boxers*

Wife: YOU MEN! YOU ALL NEVER EVER UNDERSTAND! IT IS NOT SEX I WANT, IT IS ATTENTION!

Husband: Huh then what u want me to do? You say want sex then now I give to you liao you still angry for what!

Wife: Sex? No, I dun think so. FUCK THIS OKIE! *With the end of the sentence, the wife takes the still gasping unfortunate new luo han and puts the husband dick into the luo han's slippery mouth.*

Husband: Oh holy shit! Feels good!

*****

Enough about ornamental fish. Seriously speaking no one gives a shit about them.

Back to my weird dad. He doesnt even like luo hans! He likes nature remember? So he still likes fishes, but only ugly ones (not that luo hans are beautiful of course) he caught in reserviours and stuff.

When I was younger, I recently received phrases like this at home when my dad is watching TV: "Girl, come and see this caterpillar! See the colours! Got fake eyes somemore!"

I had to stop whatever I was doing and see it, and tell my dad politely that it is indeed amazing that the caterpillar has such colours and fake eyes, and then continue doing whatever I was doing before he asked me to go over.

Thank goodness earthvisions have quite stopped showing on normal TV (We dun have cable), and also thank goodness for my younger brother. He is now the official one my dad can share his unique excitement with. I tried, I really did, to suppress sniggers as he has to put down his gameboy impatiently to take a look at flying squirrels or shagging baboons.

Thats not the point of course. The point is the obscene amount of creatures my dad brought back whenever he goes out with my brother. I dislike them more and more nowadays.



Now, iguanas are illegal I think, but this fella is gonna be given to a friend soon (and was given by a friend as well) , so dun even think of trying to get me arrested for this. We have named him Iguana after long thinking. Cloudy (my only "normal" pet, a dog, which was given by my mum's friend) loves Iguana. In fact, Cloudy is a very good natured dog. He loves everything, only when he can eat them.

I dun think Iguana likes Cloudy though, that selfish cold blooded thing. Well, I guess its a little hard for him to appreciate that something 10 times his size is cute, furry and huggable.

Heres a pic of Iguana sleeping. He is sleeping behind me as I blog. Betcha have never seen a sleeping iguana before.



I have no idea where my dad and bro went to recently, for they brought this back:



A real life leech, which, without sucking any blood, has survived almost 2 weeks. Very gross indeed. But I tried and it is quite fun to poke it a bit with a twig you know. It can crawl quite fast.

Among the creatures they brought back recently are caterpillars as well. Very disgusting ugly caterpillars. All 5 of them.

My brother has this habit of taking the bottle containing them around me when I am eating. Very stupid of him. I am not afraid of caterpillars, but I dun like the idea of them close to my food. I would shriek, and my bro will get a few smacks on his arm for being so tactless.

In case you are wondering why I didnt take pictures of the caterpillars: A few weeks after they came in, they turned into pupas and then into ugly black butterflies. My brother was very happy about this; he seems to think that it is his credit for making the caterpillars turn into "beautiful" butterflies.

I told him that it is their nature to do the life cycle thingy and nothing for him to smirk about. If anything, he has, despite the chance given to him to kill off the pests, given the cretins wings. How smart. Now they can attack me while I am in the bathroom again.

Well, my dad, satified that he has given my bro a chance to actually witness what his textbooks showed, put the load of butterflies into Iguana's cage. They seem to have gone by the next day; it is nobody's guess that Iguana is bored with his usual diet of cabbages.

*****

As a post script, I would like to mention that today, I saw a cute guy at Cheers.

He bought some drinks, and queued up. I stood behind him, secretly willing him to take a look at me. Yes, maybe even ask for my number if he had the acquired taste people lack nowadays for appreciating girls like me.

He smiled at the salegirl and she smiled dreamily back.

And he took a pack of Durex Together.

Me and the salesgirl exchanged disgusted looks.

Suddenly, that cute guy has the attractiveness of a used facial blotter.

I was still irritated when I walked out of the shop. At least, I thought to myself, his gf would have to use Together. Together is cheap and well, cheap, in all senses. I personally perfer the Strawberry flavoured, thank you.

-We girls hate Durex Together. Strawberry, ribbed, multi-flavoured, anything is better.-

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I'm really really sick of people telling me how much of a bloody bimbo/slut/whore/ass/bitch I am.

TO ALL THESE PEOPLE:

Fuck you all.

Yeah I am a bimbo, SO? Big fat hairy deal. You dun like it, dun read my blog. No one is holding a knife near ur throat. Perhaps u guys shld reflect a little about how bo liao u are, leaving comments just to tell me "you are disgusting, arrogent blah blah" when obviously u know that I dun give a shit about what u think anyway.

Why am I responding if I dun care? Well, the comments are an eyesore.

I'm totally sick of all these childish people, and you guys are abusing my comments system.

My blog was never meant for u all, and if u only have bad things to say, keep it to urself coz no one else is interested. My blog belongs to me, and I have every right to write anything I want, no matter how "bimbo" or arrogent it is.

My blog is, however, welcome to anyone who wants to read it coz they find it interesting or entertaining.

For the last time I say this: NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ MY BLOG, SO IF U DUN LIKE IT, DUN READ IT. If u feel just like reading something to make urself irritated, there must be something wrong with you. So what if I sound like a bimbo? So what if I am too full of myself? It is none of your business since u do not know me at all.

In my opinion, you all are just jealous. I dun care if u are not jealous. I am just saying it to accuse u anyway. If my blog is such a bad thing, explain the 400 or so readers a day.

Can u write and let so many people want to read what u write?

Is 'bimbotic' writing going to earn me the readers, or are u, the anti-xiaxue person, going to argue that the 400 or so people are all deluded when they read my blog frequently? Are u saying that the rest read it to feel irritated and disgusted, like urself? I think not.

Are the 90% of people giving me praise all wrong about what they think and the 10% correct? I think not too. Unfortunately, these 10% of people are obnoxious and they want to complain. Well, people tend to be more stingy with compliments than praises. The 10% of people are typically like this:

1) Cynical
2) Losers themselves
3) Bitter
4) Needs an outlet for frustration as nobody wants to listen to them in real life
5) Plain jealous
6) Wants to be special. They will dislike everything that alot of people like.

Well. Truth is that lots more people LIKE my blog than DISLIKE it. For every bad comment that u write, I have 10 good comments to counter it. More than enough to prove u are wrong.

For every single time u insult me, 10 people are insulting u behind ur back. They may not be telling u of course, simply because they can't be bothered with u enough to write it down, and also because they are much more civilised people. But trust me, they are doing that.

Well, I had enough of trash like that.

For the next week or so, I shall blog with a different address. Hopefully, this action will aid me in getting rid of the unwanted trash reading my blog.

It is really getting too publisized. Tell a person "Hey, this is quite an interesting blog u know, this girl has a lot of readers" and the person will possibly reply, "NO BIG DEAL WHAT!", after reading.

And then the person will read the comments my readers give and feel pissed that everyone is making a big fuss out of a mediocre website. The truth is, my blog is not as bad as u think it is. It is, afterall, just a mediocre website. And you shld do what u do when u see a mediocure website. Which is to close the page, and continue surfing other websites.

No need to get so angry over me, who is someone who is not in ur life at all.

Oh yeah back to the address. Everyone who wants to continue reading my blog in peace, please send me an email to yycheng84@yahoo.com.sg requesting the new site address. Very sick of these stupid people. Put ur RE as: "Request for site address", and I will definitely reply alright?

I'm sorry for the inconvenience caused to my usual readers. Its not my fault, but those stupid people's. Please curse them.

And oh yeah. You anti-xiaxue bastards dun even think of acting smart and searching yahoo for the address. I will NOT include the word Xiaxue in it.

Good riddence to the assholes.

-See the rest of u all in 2 weeks or so, if u can't be bothered to send me an email-

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Absolutely tired, tml still must go school at 9 am...

Today my manager gave me a chance at serving the VIP table, but it was not in the midst of a busy wedding dinner. Instead, it was a twelve person lunch where there was this cute (as in looks old, and pruny) minster called I.D. Swami (Damn cute ah the name) with eleven other boring old men who talked about Singapore's politics. Not anything interesting, mind you. Just talking about stuff a commoner like me wun understand.

Anyway, I would like to proclaim that lotsa Ritz Carlton's stuff dun like me. I certainly did not delibrately offend them in any way but I guess, ah well... At least the Chinese staff dun like me. The Malays seem to be okie with me.

Must be something wrong with me, recently alot of this kinda "I hate Wendy" things pop up... Am I really that bad?

From today onwards, I shall try to smile and laugh more, talk less, and talk bad about people less. That can't go wrong, can it? Also I shall stop my sexual jokes coz lotsa girls seem to take offence, wtf. Oh yeah. WTF reminds me. No more vulgar language too as some people take offence as well. Yikes, can't please the world.

I worked on Friday, Saturday and today, and the last two days weren't that bad. On Friday PY told me that some people dun like me (they actually stupidly thought PY was on their side and gossiped about me with her there. How atrocious. I have been her friend for 7 years and what makes them think they can bowl her over within a month?!).

On Friday they really treated me quite badly. As in, conversations stopped short when I arrive etc. PY overheard this guy (CK, who is the VIP server), say that he would make things difficult for me on Sunday when I work. He proclaimed that he would show me that being the VIP server is not an easy thing and he is relatively sure I cannot make the cut.

Slap his bloody face. I have been the VIP server at other hotels, what makes him think I cannot do stupid Ritz? On the other hand, he is SUPER nice to XF. Bloody hell.

It is the work of this terrific bitch that everyone loathes me. She happens to be a coursemate of mine, and although I have never even as much as breathed a word to her in school, she seems to have taken this immerse dislike to me and begin to talk bad about me to all the Ritz staff. Can't help it that they believed her though, she worked much longer than me.

On Sat people seemed to have come to their senses. They actually asked me out to supper.

On Sunday, it was pretty obvious at first that CK was trying to make things difficult for me.

He refused to answer me when I asked him where things were kept.

I acted all pure shu nu.

I asked in 0.0025 decibels and waited patiently with big eyes for him to give his reply. You see, nobody bullies shu nus except me. He had no choice but to give in and answer me finally.

I acted as if I dun know anything and as if he is a total expert in banqueting (actually I really dunno alot of stuff, afterall I am quite new to the hotel). Asked him questions and replied, "Oh, yeah hor... Why I never think of it ah..." to his answers.

Wonderful.

Soon he begin to like to attention and "adoration" and became quite nice to me afterall. And thats an achievement; he rarely ever smiles at everyone.

I guess it really pays to be humble and stupid.

Oh yes I know that this entry is stupid and boring but it is just here to remind myself to be less cocky in future.

P/s: No one is allowed to say anything that holds the meaning of "I told you so", or along the lines of "You shld have realised this long ago, arrogent bitch!". Yes I know already. All these kinda msgs will be deleted with NO MERCY!

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June, Shuyin and I were at this Indian lady's shop.

I can't really remember what she sold, but I remembered that she has this comfy couch where the 3 of us were sitting down on. I walked around and saw that the Indian lady sold this authentic Gucci HP strap.

I fell in love with it immediately. To my pleasant surprise, it only costs $20! I grabbed it and took it to show to June and Shuyin who were sitted on the couch.

June took the hp strap and fingered it lovingly. Not surprisingly, she wanted it too.

Before I told her to get her own, Shuyin's uncle and auntie came along.

The pair sat down beside us, and the Uncle asked June what she was holding. June showed it to him, and he took a look.

"You like it?", he asked June.

June nodded vigoriously. "But I dun have money to buy," she said mellowly.

The Uncle nodded. He got the hint alright. He stood up, and before I could say anything, bought the hp strap for June.

I tried to stop him, I did! But he didn't care! He only wanted to buy it for June, not for me!

My tears fell with the jealousy I felt when obviously Shuyin's uncle should have treated me fairly and bought the Gucci strap for me too. But yet, out of politeness, there was no way I could have told him that. I cried, and cried, and cried. I wanted the hp strap so much! It was me who found it first, not June!

But despite my very intense crying, Shuyin and June did not give a shit but continued to smile and chat with the uncle and auntie.

No one cared about me crying. They think that I am crying for nothing, that my tears do not symbolize my trauma but just there for showing people.

Between shortened breaths, I told June that the hp strap is mine, and she should give it back to me.

June looked at me, and said plainly, "No."

I asked the uncle to buy the strap for me too. He said "No", for he thought I was a spoilt brat for wanting what others wanted. He said that it was June who found the strap first, so it is hers and not mine.

June and Shuyin did not correct him with the facts abut instead, behind his back, gave me a big smirk.

With that, June turned her heel and walked away with Shuyin and the Uncle and Auntie, leaving me crying all by myself in the shop.

I told myself I had to be strong, afterall it was just a hp strap costing 20 bucks, and I can easily buy another myself! With that I looked around the shop, trying to find it.

I searched and searched fanatically, but with no avail. There was simply no same model there. The rest of the Gucci straps were ugly and bulky; totally different from the one I fell in love with.

I cried even more. And I discovered what was worse. I realised that the rest of the models, all costed $80 plus, so the one I chose must have been pasted with a wrong price tag. I can't even buy an uglier model for the good price now! And there is no uncle to kindly pay for me!

Out of desperation, I tried to search for the Indian shopowner. She must have new stock coming in! She must help me! Even if I buy the hp strap for $80, at least I still got what I wanted.

She wasn't in the shop, so I looked out of the balcony. The shop is on the second level. To my surprise, the Indian lady was standing at the grass patch below the balcony. On the same grass patch were lotsa kids and other Indian people walking around, chatting happily.

I shouted and asked her if she had new stock coming in. She said no.

For goodness knows what reason, the Indian started to take this "lift" up to the balcony. The "lift" was just a simple metal affair where the Indian lady had to actually pull herself up.

She pulled and pulled while I kept crying about the loss of my hp strap and June's rude betrayal of friendship.

And then the lady fell.

The grass patch was a hilltop. She rolled down.

She fell and seem to have died. But she stirred a little. The people in the grass patch all dropped dead in their activities. They rushed to her, and some shouted out to me that it must have been me who cursed her and caused her misfortune, just because I could not get the thing I wanted. Selfish girl, they silently shouted, as a totally different type of tears fell down my cheeks.

I am innocent, it wasn't me!!! The phrase sounded so loud in my head, but yet, I am unable to say it out to the people, coz I was crying too hard.

The Indian lady was fine and she got up and started to point fingers at me.

That unreasonable bitch, I thought.

With the end of my evil thought, she fell again. She fell into a hard cement drain this time, and obviously broke a leg. The Indian people all crowded around her even more, all splattered with her blood.

It wasn't me!!! I screamed and screamed, but no one was listening. Everyone was staring at me as if I am a monster.

The children all took on vicious grins. They started to climb up the balcony to get me. I started to panic.

The Indian lady tried to get up from the drain. No one was helping her; they were too scared of me.

I was scared of myself.

The Indian lady fell again, and this time, lie there lifeless. She could not move again.

The children were all surrounding me by now....

I woke up, and discovered that my eyes are really swollen. Perhaps yesterday's activities were affecting my unconscious mind, except that June wasnt the one making me so sad. My best friend did not care anymore; but little did she know that that was the simple reason I cried.

I dun mind losing a thousand boyfriends, but I would never want to lose her friendship.

-Dun ask me what happened, I dun wanna be reminded about it.-

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Yesterday in school June, Fiona (coursemate and June's friend) and I were walking to Dover Mrt together after school. In our oily hands were packets of delicious nuggets and chicken wings.

I dunno if u all have a certain way of eating chicken wings, but I follow a standard procedure.

1) Eat skin in front.
2) Eat meat at back.
3) Eat meat in front and use index finger to help push out the flesh from between the bones.

But this procedure does not tally with my usual habit of eating what I like best at the last. You see, thats because my favourite part of the wing is the SKIN.

So i said out loud rather stupidly, "I think chickens should have their skins inside and their flesh outside."

Immediately June and Fiona "Eeeew!"-ed.

But this spurred on more discussions on how we think animals should be genetically modified.

Lets see, nobody likes chicken breast meat, except crippled Enormous Ek. Chicken breast meat is tough, dry and unchewable. If u are a chicken breast meat lover, you fall into the catergories of weird people liking peas, livers, kidneys, ginger, parsley etc. That means u are a minority.

So chickens shld be genetically modified to look like this, despite your protests:


No breast no butt and triple drumsticks.

Ain't that great?

After a while we decided the head is pretty much useless as well.



Hai, if only I am god. I would make chickens look like this. This will save the human race alot of trouble, afterall stupid animals like chickens are born to be eaten. Dun say I am cruel, you vegetarians. Even if we don't eat the chickens the tigers/lions/platypus will. It is no one's but the chicken's whole fault that it is so nice to eat.

Well, I have no idea why scientists are wasting time making square watermelons when there are so much other things to modify.

Eg make some:

1) Shell-less prawns/lobsters/crabs, saves us tons of trouble.

2) Bone-less fish, so that inexperienced banquet waitresses won't spoil your fish no more.

3) Bulls with udders so that milk would not be so expensive.

4) Pandas with both sex organs so that when they masterbate they get pregnant and we dun need to worry so much about whether they get extinct.

5) Cockroachs into a bright pink/electric blue so that the world would be a much quieter place without girls screaming. On the other hand, we will get more of the typical "So cute!" (which is bad), but cockroaches will then be dried and sold as ornaments so in general the economy will get better, and we will have less cockroaches.

6) Humans shld have a tail. I have no idea what for, but I am just jealous animals have it and I dun. I can use it to whack people.

7) Humans to have pointy ears like elves. I like!

Okie I shall stop here coz the list is quite endless.

Anyway, I was just thinking about some of the bimbo events that happened in school last time.

There is this group of vain girls in my course, and they always sit below us (Me June Clara Shuyin) in the lecture hall so we can see clearly what is going on with them.

Once, I was about to fall asleep when Girl A started to scratch the behind of her ears. I was looking dreamily at the said ear when Girl B, sitting beside Girl A, started to look at Girl A too. Girl B saw that A's ears were very red from the scratching. B got rather dramatically worried about the redness.

Actually it did look really red.

Girl B kept saying the ear is very very red. A asked for B to show her.

B took out a mirror.

And she intelligently held up the mirror behind A's ear to show her, something like this:


Sorry if the picture is ugly/unclear, coz I had no choice but to draw it

Obviously A can't see a single thing as the mirror was held behind her ear.

Girl B said, "Woah, see, very red hor?"

Girl A exclaimed, "Where is the mirror?!"

Girl B realised that she had done something really dumb so she started to erupt into laughter. Girl A laughed too, and Girl C and D saw what happened and laughed as well.

Beside me, June was sleeping and Shuyin and Clara were distracted, so they missed out the good show. I almost burst 3 ribs from stopping myself from howling in laughter.

If you thought that was stupid, you are wrong. During the very start of Poly there was a lot of activities for us to sign up etc. Pasted outside this classroom was a notice:

make-up class, 16/7/2001 4:30pm

I actually told June that I feel like going to the make up class so that I can improve my make up skills. Ah well...

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Well, my pic is not currently up here... (Do vote for me, please? I need it!)

Actually I send the pic in coz I was thinking it would be nice to be a VJ for a while, afterall I might get to host with UTT! June said that MTV will partner us up coz we are both short. Great.

Some people left bad comments and ratings. Hey, its like damn funny isn't it, that some people obviously dun have a sense of humour? The description was meant to be funny, and not serious. Ah well... Humans...

Let me counter some of the comments.

nuit blanche Rating : 1/5
Humility is a virtue!!

Well darling, virtues dun really get u to become an MTV VJ. So I am supposed to write my description something like: Hi, my name is Wendy. I pretty much suck big time. I get stage frights and I stagger a little. Sometimes I think I look damn hideous. I know I am not worthy for being a VJ, but I just would like to try. Can u guys give me a chance?

Would u give such a person a chance? Humility my foot. I say Confidence is beauty, don't you?

And anyway please take note that in the whole description I WAS KIDDING. If u dun understand a joke, then u possibly watch CNN instead of MTV, so u wun see me on TV when I become a VJ. Thats good, for both u and me, you think?

fLyHigH Rating : 1/5
U look Like JapaNese...nice but too arrogant by the way you write your profile.
Oh, how fair is this person? "Nice, but hey, since I realise I can judge her by a few words, I give her a 1. This is justified coz she is "arrogant". She may look damn beautiful and she may be funny and perfect for being a VJ, but I refuse to give her a chance coz she is too cocky according to myself, who cannot understand a joke when I see one." Wonderful. Love serious people.

Shuga Rating : 2/5
Pretty but obnoxious...see her blog and u'll know why...sorry but not mtv material!

Fair enough. But darling I am not obnoxious. Most of the time, I was JUST KIDDING. You have got to understand that, baby. Oh well okie okie I am obnoxious.

So?

justpushplay Rating : 1/5
highly overrated

LOL... We have an amoeba here, everybody. This must be going through that single-cell brain when he commented: "Oh dammit! She is pretty! Actually not very pretty but she looks slightly better than some contestants. Well, I think she deserves a 3. But no! I shall not give her a 3! I shall not be fair! Coz everyone else gave her a 5 except some, I shall give her a 1. She does not deserve a 1 actually, but hey, I'm just giving my rating coz I am damn influenced by other people's rating of her.

Not to mention that my friend is another contestant of course."

Well. I hope u die.

B00M Rating : 2/5
Well I'm deluded, your bad. Ure too full of urself. Perhaps it has to do with ur age.

U admitted that u are deluded. What else can I say?

Hey hey whats the age discrimination here? Oh, I think you must be the Eddie Goh contestant, issit? Well news for you. We youngsters discriminate against the old too. We hate people with wrinkles all over. Have fun with your viagra, darling.

Kai Rating : 1/5
No one likes a cocky girl.

It depends on what u mean by "cocky". If u meant girls with a cock, well I guess you are wrong, coz quite alot of people like transvertites (how to spell?)

Who u saying is cocky? *looks around* Oh, ME? YOU MEAN ME? I'm not cocky nia, I am just confident. I know some people who cannot accept that, especially guys who likes girls that keep quiet and nod at every sentence they say, no?

If u are one of those shu nu lovers, well you shld smack yourself awake with a piece of fois gras. Nothing good about diminutive women at all, except for washing clothes and etc stuff u guys bully girls into doing.

Oh yeah your sentence is wrong coz
1) I am not cocky
2) and to prove that, lotsa people like me. =)

fuzzy Rating : 1/5
don't seems to be nice at all..

It depends on your definition of nice, darling. I can be real nice you know. Now it would be nice of you if u would stop judging my niceness like that and sign up with ur second email and give me 5 stars, which I deserve.

Oh yeah, yesterday someone write a long long comment about how I suck. Although I have lotsa stuff to blog about, I shall still counter him painfully, point by point. Once again I stress to everybody who dislikes me.

1) You are plain stupid to try to insult me on my blog coz this is afterall, MY blog and I can choose to erase, or even edit every single sentence u say. For example you say this:

Xiaxue you suck big time. You are not pretty at all, and not to mention fat. You are damn arrogant and think you are the best, don't you? Well, for your info, your fans who worship you are not in the right frame of mind.

Lets see, I can easily make it into this:

Xiaxue you suck big time. You are not pretty at all, and not to mention fat. You are damn arrogant and think you are the best, don't you? Well, for your info, your fans who worship you are not in the right frame of mind.

Wonderful. I had no idea there was a hidden message in the paragraph at all.

2) There is no way you can argue urself after I counter what u said. This is because nobody is interested in what u have to say anyway, and also because even if they are, I will delete it. I will delete your arguements not because I am not good enough to argue with u again, but bacause it will make you infinitely pissed and also because I am not interested in what u have to say as well coz I think crap shld only be given one chance.

And then again there is the usual sentence my readers will say. If you dun like my blog, dun read it! If u really wanna give me a piece of your mind, one comment will do. So if u come back to argue what I countered, you are proving that you actually love my blog and just want some attention from me. Well, little begger, I gave u some, so leave.

3) My warning to you is that u will just realise that I am fabulous afterall, after u get over the initial trauma of seeing my "cockiness", because as such is my sense of humour. U dun wanna be seen to take back your words afterall.

OKIE here is the comment, in bold: (thanks Jo for already countering it so beautifully.)

First and foremost, i am not surprised, u look like a fat ah lian, the type i will not give a second glance on the streets. what makes u feel so proud to be working as a tiger girl?

Why would you be surprised? As in what, u expected to see a fat ah lian and u saw one? How can u be surprised about my looks when it is plastered everywhere so u definitely saw my pic before reading my words? Weirdo.

Define fat. You live in Stickland? I am not fat and I know it, darling. Possibly, you, hiding behind ur dusty computer screen, is.

Oh boohoohoo heres a guy who claims he wun give me a second glance on the streets! I am so upset! Kleenex please!

No, asshole. I DUN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHETHER U GLANCE AT ME OR NOT, ASSHOLE. Crazy. Whoever gave a shit about ur opinions anyway? My blog readers dun, so fuck off.

Me proud to be a Tiger girl? Well, first find proof that I said I am proud to be one. Hey look here, loving my part time (I stress on the part time) job doesnt mean I am proud of it, dumdum. It is just a normal job, which even hired Grouchy Gwenne. Hey, who wants to be on par with her, looks wise?

Oh yeah lets try to see YOU being a Tiger Boy my dear, since u claim it is an easy job to get. LOL... The imagery! Nerd in tiger dress! LOL...

u are but a cheap ah lian looking for some easy money. coming from poly doesn't make u any better either, read my lips: i am an A'level student with a place in the university and a bright future waiting for me. how about u? when will your first million from cheap jobs come in?

This one really made me laugh out loud. Hey read my lips my dear. Two simple words sums it all. "WHO CARES?

You are indeed very weird. U come to my blog to talk about urself? For goodness sake this is MY blog, and my readers do not give a shit about whether u are an A level student or not. So, big fuck if u are going into uni? All of my friends are, no big deal. Oh yeah I forgot I dun give a shit about you.

I'm a cheap ah lian looking for some easy money huh. Yeah okie I am. SO? And yes I chose poly. That doesnt make you superior my dear. I could have got into JC too you know. But seriously, why shld I compare myself to such an idiot? Haha...

And my first million? Well somewhere in the archives is a detailed entry on how I will earn my first million. Go read it, and be so impressed.

i think u are fucking racist as well, what makes u think u are any better than these footballers?

Did I say I am better than them? Oh yeah I did. Whats better about me ah... Hmmm... Let me think a little. Maybe brains? And yeah, as I said those footballers are a mixture of Indian, Malay and Chinese, so who am I racist against, ALL of them?

u all work for fucking Tiger, i dun remember seeing it on Fortune 500's top 50 companies.

1) The footballers dun work for Tiger Beer my dear. Just because Tiger Beer sponsors the game, it doesnt mean the footballers are WORKING for Tiger Beer.

2) Tiger Beer, Heineken and Anchor Beer, Guinness and etc alcohols are Asia Pacific Breweries' products. I bet u dun read that magazine my dear, coz I happened to read that Asia Pacific Breweries is Singapore's 5th richest company, standing only slightly behind SIA. Do your research properly before you write, or APB might come sue you, asshole.

Wake up! have u got no sense of ambition? are u going to rot like all the other ah lians working in the coffeeshops?(contrary to popular belief, not only aunties work at coffeeshops, lots of ah lians do that too)

Erm, its time for YOU to wake up? Coz this is only a PART TIME JOB, my dear. I'm not gonna be working for Tiger Beer all my life! You sound mad, you know, so concerned over whether I have an ambition when you dun know me at all.

Oh yeah I think the "ah lians", whose food you have been eating (we know u eat at coffee shops coz u are so sure about Tiger girls working there), are possibly richer than you would be in future.

Why, you ask. Well, its simple. The streets are full of graduates. But how many people can cook a nice plate of chicken rice?

Say you took a course in Accounting. Its okie if the world hires an accountant less, but hey, everybody needs to eat! The ah lian would inherit her dad's store and earn way more than you, measly graduate! Till then, you better pray that she is so filthy rich she needs an accountant, so u would get a job.

anyway, i know plenty of malay guys who are way smarter than u, at least they know where they stand and move aside when successful people like me come along.

OMG this is so funny. And he said I am racist. I am not even gonna start one this one, just laugh right now.

Oh yeah once again, you come to my blog to talk about urself. I'm sorry darling, but this is not fasttalk hotline, not a place for you to promote urself, coz NOBODY CARES about u...!

u? u can only act big and have nothing to show for it. u got 251 for your PSLE and just managed to scrape thru to RV, afterwhich u go to Poly, what a disgrace. what about me?

I got act big meh? U then act big, and u have even less to show for it.

I got 269 for my PSLE, lets see you try to beat that.

Go Poly very disgraceful meh? I chose to study something which will be USEFUL in my life, and not stuff like F maths which I wastes my brain cells for useless information. I'm still going to uni after poly, and that is nothing to be ashamed of, you asshole.

i followed the Singaporean dream, i went to JC and will now go to the university, in ten years time, u will be nothing but a cheap whore, maybe a SPG even.

LOL... Loser... The Singapore dream can only work for an immigrant country my dear (PY please explain in comments), where everybody starts fair and fresh. You are too dumb to realise that, and followed what our government told you to do. With MNCs monopolising almost every business market, u can only work for others in future. How far can you go?

Well lets, for a split second, imagine that I am what u said I am, which I am not.

Whore? Well, If I am one I would be earning money from desperados like you who are too disgusting to have sex and are very deprived. At least I am earning YOUR MONEY. Can u earn mine? No, I dun think so.

SPG? Well okie... You will be working under my Ang Moh husband in future, and I will order my cute little Eurasian kid to bite u, and there is nothing u can do about it. LOL...

In conclustion, a whore and a SPG is better off than you.

How about me?(Firstly I would like to stress that no one cares about how about you, but never mind, please continue) i will be flying the corporate flag, laughing at u losers.

LOL so I am right, your ambition is to work for others. Who's the loser?

anyway, i hate ah lians,(once again no one cares who you hate.) the only people who like them are ah bengs.

So?

so dun u go round calling people small ah lians, look at the fucking mirror and what do u see? an obese ah lian.

SMALL AH LIANS?? LOL... A level student using a direct translation from Chinese? LOL... Tsk tsk

Who is the mirror fucking?

I dun see the obese ah lian in my fucking mirror leh, did you see it in your fucking mirror instead? hmmm... Obese sia. Talk about exaggeration. Lets see you try to fit into my jeans (levis 25) and we will see if u dun tear the seams. Dun gimme the "you are a girl of course your waist is thinner" shit. Since I am OBESE a normal guy shld be my size, no?

LOL 42 kg obese. I had enough of this "FAT" insult my dear, it is stale and not working anymore. Dun u have something better to say? U sound so fucking stupid coz no one else would agree that I am obese. I may be a little plump, yes, but not obese, asshole.

i'll tell u what,(what? Oh wait I am not interested to hear.) u are the kind of girl that no decent guy will every consider for a spouse, u will end up a spinster with no possible chance of a future of any significance.

LOL I wonder what makes him so sure. Well, I sure there are people out there who would like to marry my kinda girl.

No future of any signifcance? Well, I'm sorry I have to sound a little proud here, but at the tender age of 19, I am already a successful writer (please read the guestbook) and you? You are still NOTHING. I wonder who will end up the loser, really.

Go get a diet, u look horrifically fat, i dun remember knowing any girls who are more fat than u, but then, i would never associate myself with people even remotely like u.

LOL... U have the memory of Dory? Or have you forgotten about ur mum? Ask her if she weighs more than 42 kg. If ur mum weighs less than that, please ask your school teacher. Not knowing anyone fatter (not more fat, take note) than me is ridiculous, unless you live in Africa.

And lastly, the second part of your sentence is irrelevant with the first part, if u noticed, amoeba-brain.

Well thats it. Finished with the insults. Lets go on to everyday life then.

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