I decided to post pictures!
Yesterday June and I went to Mango to try on some executive clothes.
Hows this? The thing I am holding is a lollipop.
I think I look like a slutty secretary. Who likes to bend over the table a littlllllle too much. Yucks. June meanwhile has the tall lean career woman look. Can't post her pics though, she said it looks ugly.
I like the top! It looks somewhat like the 2 fast 2 furious top that I like so much... But the bloody thing is $75, far far too expensive. Yes, the lollipop spoilt the picture and yes, thats June reflected in the mirror, taking my pic.
Aaron bought it V200 2 days after June did.
So I used it to take own pictures. Narcissic, yes. But who cares... I like it
Thats all. I'm sorry babes, but no more Jeremy photos. Help me think of an excuse to date him out man...
Very pissed lor, yesterday tried to blog but I accidentally kicked the CPU and the whole com restarted, leaving me grimacing in pain, for my day's entry was totally gone. How wondrous.
Anyway, I wanna complain about stupid people.
I came out with one conclusion after working for a few weekends at Singtel shops.
Stupid people use Nokia phones.
I am not saying that Nokia users are stupid. I am saying stupid people use Nokia. So a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square.
Let me tell you what bullshit I got from Nokia users...
Me: "Hi, would you like to take a look at the new Mitsubishi M330?"
Typical Nokia User: "No, I don't like Mitsubishi."
Me, "Erm, you have never tried Mitsubishi phones, how do you know that you dun like them?"
TNU: "Oh, haha. I am a Nokia user"
Why I am not surprised?
Me: "So?"
TNU: "I am used to Nokia la..."
Yeah, stupid. You and the rest of the world. You were used to pagers, why are you using handphones? You are used to typewriters, why use the com now? You were used to having Ong Teng Cheong as president, why not choke Nathan to death?
What bullshit. I say, EMBRACE CHANGE, or you'll never learn anything.
****
Me: "Hi, would you like to take a look at the new Mitsubishi M330?"
TNU: "Ok. I am using a 6610 now, what is the difference?"
Me: "Oh, this phone has 32 chord polyphonic ringtones while Nokia only has 4 chords. It is a very big difference in the quality of the sound, I can let you hear it..."
TNU, after listening and comparing with his 6610 (which the rest of the world is using as well): "I think Nokia ringtones are still the best."
Go back to using monophonic ringtones, you deaf bastard.
Me: "How can that be?"
TNU, playing his miserable 4 chords polyphonic ringtone again for me to hear why I squirm in pain at the horrible sound: "Yes what, isn't it?"
Me: "Indeed."
TNU: *Continues staring dreamily at his phone with unspeakable love*
Me: *pukes*
There is another kind.
TNU: "Miss, can you show me the 7250?"
Me: "There is no sample for it."
TNU: "Oh."
Me: "You wanna buy a camera phone?"
TNU: "Yeah. Your 7250 got black colour?"
Me: "The other colour phones like T610, V200, E365 all got 65,000 colours and are around the same price as 7250. 7250 only got 4,096 colours, the resolution is very bad leh, take the pictures also not clear. The Sony Ericsson on even got bluetooth. Why don't you try them?"
TNU: "Nah, I am a Nokia user."
Thats not a bloody excuse for making a stupid purchase, you cock.
Me, rolls eyes: "Its your choice."
TNU: "What the price for the 7250?"
Me: "Sorry, dunno, I am the Mitsubishi promoter." *Turns and continue giving leaflets to other TNUs walking around the Singtel store, who are feigning interest in the other brands coz they want to compare it to their beloved Nokia and feel damn smug*
I cannot stand stupid people.
***
There was another scenerio that happened at the Singtel shop.
First, a little introduction to the people working there.
Sharon - Panasonic promoter who I got along very well with indeed. Excellent crapper.
UOB promoter A, and UOB promoter B.
A and B's colleague who came into the shop to visit them but is not working at Singtel, called C.
***
Sharon and I were gossiping about Jeremy's butt or something when C walked into our Singtel shop. C had came to look for A and B, who are his friends. A and B asked me and Sharon to go over, to introduce us to C.
C, to me: "Hi, my name is C!"
Me: "Hi, I'm Wendy."
C, to Sharon: "Hi! C."
Sharon: "Hi, Sharon."
C stopped talking to us and turned to talk to A and B, while me and Sharon still stood there.
I decided to be bo liao to Sharon, so I turned to her and said,
"Hi, my name is Sharon, whats yours?"
Sharon was surpressing a giggle, but acted blur and said, "Oh issit! My name is Sharon too!"
I was just whooping with laughter with Sharon, when C turned over to face us again, obviously having eavesdropped.
He said to me:
"Oh, your name is Sharon also? Her name is also Sharon!"
Me and Sharon gave each other very amused looks.
As if he was not being dense enough, he continued, "So whats your surname?"
I answered,
"Au. Sharon Au"
"Oh...", he said. He turned to the real Sharon and asked her for her surname as well.
"Teo", she replied, covering her mouth as mirth threatened to spill out. She should have said "Stone" to see if the guy can get any denser.
"Oh, sharon au and sharon teo..." C mumbled to himself.
Till today, he still thinks that I am called Sharon Au, when I just told him 1 min ago that my name is Wendy.
I met another stupid person when I was out with Eileen. Her friend, some guy, saw her and came to join me and her at a coffee shop table.
Meanwhile, I was very engrossed in conversation with her and could not really be bothered with him. I was telling her about my recent visit to a mosque recently, for a school project.
The fella we interviewed bullshitted his way through... He obviously did not know his stuff at all. I forgot to mention he is another stupid person.
I asked him: "If we don't believe in Allah we go to hell?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Is there such a thing as free will?"
Him: "What is that?"
Me: "That whatever I do, is my own choice. For example I choose to slap the table now, it is my own decision, not Allah making me slap the table. Or is there no free will, so that whatever happens is a result of Allah's planning?"
Him: "There is no such thing as free will." There is.
Me: "So you are saying if I choose not to believe in Allah, thats Allah's choice for making me not believe him, since there is no free will?"
Him, thinking hard: "Yes, I guess so. Allah has already chosen who are his people."
Me: "And Allah wants to put me into hell for me not believing in him when obviously he MADE me not believe in him?!"
Him: "Erm, we cannot question Allah's decisions."
It was total bullshit. Everytime I ask him a question which there is no way for him to answer, he would say that last sentence and claim that Allah is beyond our conprehension.
Anyway, back to Eileen's friend.
He somewhat overheard a little about the conversation, and was looking interestedly at us.
"Are you a Christian?", I asked him.
"Yeah yeah, why?"
"Coz I got some questions to ask you..."
"Shoot away!"
"God is onmipotent right?"
"Whats that?"
"I thought you said you are a pious Christian. Onmipotence means he is all-powerful. Able to accomplish everything."
"Oh, then God is onmipotent."
"So can God create a stone which is too heavy for himself to lift?"
He replied without thinking, "Yes of course."
"If it is a 'yes', it means that the stone is too heavy for God to lift, and if he cannot lift a stone it means he is not onmipotent."
"Hmm. Yeah. Actually, I cannot answer you that question because I am not God."
HOW TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. Nice try dude. How about saying "I can't answer you that question, I am too dumb." instead, because I already know that you are not God? How about telling your physics teacher "I cannot do that calculation, I am not Einstein" too?
The world needs some cleansing.
Today I was talking to June about smart genes.
Taken that smart parents=smart children and dumb parents=dumb children and smart + dumb= average children, I told her that the smart should always marry the smart so that smart people will not die out.
June said she perferred a whole lot of average people, at least there wun be any stupid people around.
Lets see, if the world is full of average people, we still wun have our TVs invented till today. No computers. No ovens even. Actually, despite learning it in physics, I still have no idea how a TV works. It takes a very very smart person to invent such amazing stuff, no?
Can the most intelligent of us even build a normal optical camera without any instructions? I think not. The most we can do, is to follow instructions. Yes, some of us can take out every part of a CPU and put it back, but can any of us (rather normal people) invent a computer from scratch? Up till today, I still dunno how email works.
We cannot do without the dumb people either. The dumb people are the ones letting the smart earn money. If everyone was so smart, everyone would fix up their own tellys and not buy tellys. Nobody will want to do manual jobs because they want to do brainy jobs. Everyone wants to be a CEO and no one wants to be the photostating guy.
But then again we can always make old people or pimply teenagers do the dumb people's jobs, so dumb people are really quite obselete.
How about average people?
The average people is the largest group of people. The average person is generally a supervisor of some sort. They are capable of using non-Nokia phones without almost dying, and can generally operate a fax machine. They also will happen to be not as lazy as intelligent people.
EG:
Average person: Ah, theres a long road to walk. I am almost late! I think I shall hurry up and walk faster.
Intelligent person: Ah, theres a long road to walk. I am almost late! I think I shall invent a machine which can bring me around. I think I shall call it a car if I succeed. Or should I invent a time machine so that I will not be late?
Dumb person: Ah, theres a long road to walk. I am almost late! Hey wait a minute, I forgot how to run!
So. Average people must be there to not only boost the economy, they must be there so that the intelligent will still seem intelligent. Besides, average people don't irritate much by being stupid, but just quietly do their work to earn to look after their average babies.
I suggest, of course, that we kick all the stupid people out of our beautiful planet.
Without stupid people, there would be less accidents.
Nokia would not be able to smugly monopolise the phone market.
No more ah bengs and lians.
No more stupid delifrance sales people (read archives to understand).
No more spammers in my blog.
It is silly, however, to dispose of certain types of dumb people. For example, a person may be very dumb but he may be able to cook the best chicken rice in the world. These people can stay of course.
For the rest of the dumb people, I have a plan. It is copied from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. We ask for the irritating and useless dumb people to gather, and fake them that Earth is gonna explode in 2 days and all of us are supposed to be exported to another planet called the Alfafa Sproutland.
They will go berserk.
In the meanwhile, we choose a country which has the most dumb population and have alot of land. I would say that Pakistan would be a suitable country, or Greenland could be another choice (If Eskimos are smart they would have gotten outta their fucking cold country long ago instead of worrying about catching frozen fish everyday). Using the same method, we get all the country's smart people out, which are few and far between.
We put the dumb people all in a huge airplane which we will convince them it is a spaceship, and dump them in Pakistan. They will notice some natives complaining about how intruders all arrived, but they would be so glad that Alfafa Sproutland has oxygen that they would be too busy rejoicing to notice.
Meanwhile, the dumb people would be very happy among themselves ("Wah lan eh very happy sia, no more uni one ah here! Their england like so powder, I cannot understood ah!"), and the smart happy among the smart ("Now we dun need to make our machines idiot-proof!"), and the average being neutral as usual ("Huh got difference meh? Hiyah, never mind la").
As I mentioned before, the world would be a much better place if I control it.
And in case you are wondering, yes, I go to the smart category, thank you.
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Yesterday night, after a break of 3 days, I gave Jeremy a call... And it was for official business too, coz June got this Sony Ericsson job that I asked him whether he would like to work in.
So. He was working when I called, so he called me back at 11pm.
And we talked till 5:30 am.
Amazing huh, 6 whole hours on the phone.
Now, the problem is, I was supposed to work at Ritz Carlton that day from 6am till 12am. Thats 18 whole hours of standing and pouring semillion sauvigons and chardonneys for guests.
At 530, I had to leave for work.
So I didn't sleep and almost died working that day.
My point is, it is forgiveable that I didnt blog last night.
I'm still in a groggy stage. Just reached home after work for Mitsubishi, and I don't think I can manage to recite the alphabet in the correct order.
I think I would just post pictures, coz a million words says a picture.
I was at the school's photostating place. The auntie in charge of the photostating was binding my project work for me. She finished with it, and gave it to me. I was happily adjusting the binded papers.
When I looked up, she had her head bent, looking at something with utmost concentration. I saw what she was doing. She was cutting away the little threads on my scrunchie. Somehow, I felt the scrunchie needed some trimming and did not stop her. She continued until my current favourite scrunchie was almost bald, and gave it back to me.
I woke up feeling very pissed with the photostating auntie but realised my scrunchie is in perfect condition.
Anyway, speaking of cutting hairy stuff...
I dragged Shuyin and June to have their hair cut at Toni & Guy with me. I think I look much better, but as usual, everyone said there was no difference.
And it was free, coz we did it at the Toni & Guy acadamy!
Buahahaha. Not only is my hair much nicer now, I had half of the hair cut done by the teacher there coz he needs to show the students how it is done. I asked him how much he charges usually, and he said $150 per hair cut. Since he cut half of my hair, I can safely say that I tan dio $75.
Look! Shuyin loves her hairdresser. (Shuyin is left in case u kudos dunno.)
Anyway, I went out with my NCC friends. Yes yes, I was from NCC girls (land) in sec school. I shall post their pics coz... I can't think of a reason, I'm too tired. Erm, yes, just to prove that NCC girls are not the rough, ugly, smelly type you guys thought we are.
Ah well. Pretty right? More blogging tml la. Me in bad mood. I confessed to Jem that I like him and he said it is too early to discuss such stuff and currently he only treats me as a friend.
Well if he talks to friends 6 hours on the phone everyday, he needs to do alot of catching up on sleep. But then again I thought I heard him mention he has insommia. Guess I was doing him a favour.
Should I ask Jeremy to come see the website? Please leave comments to let me know?
p/s: Someone is very into impersonating me on the tagboard so from now on I shall not reply there at all. Any claims of me posting there is bullshit yeah.
How fucking irritating. Blogger decided to fuck up and refuse to publish my entries for days.
On the other hand, I have found out how to do it.
It will be to go to templates, in which your template will be completely gone but thank goodness I have it saved in notepad, and then publish the "new" template.
The posts will be published as well.
Thats like very troublesome everytime I want to post something.
And anyway, I shall not blog till tml night coz tml I would have to hand in 2 school projects *gasp* which I haven even started on doing. So yeah.
Tml night. I promise.
-My readers are diminishing as blogger continues to fuck up-
I have decided that Jeremy doesnt like me. I am so sad. And the weather is too freaking good for me to blog. Plus I am sad, remember?
No blogging tonight. I hate everyone. Absolutely everyone.
I hate Jeremy the most.
I just came back from Zouk and now my hair TOTALLY smells of cigarettes.
If I wash it, it will not have time to dry and allow me to tie my usual buns to sleep, so by tomorrow my hair will be HIDEOUS.
Yet, if I dun wash it, Jeremy might smell the cigarette smell on my hair tomorrow and might get so disgusted.
Feeling very torn, I did something very stupid. I half-washed my hair. This has the effect of not getting ridding of the cigarette smell, and also spoiling whatever curls there are already.
Wonderful. Just when I am meeting the guy of my dreams tomorrow.
Anyway, everyone at Zouk looked so cute. Ya know why? Because, like the Xelibre (I dunno how to spell) ad, everyone there had Jeremy's face. Imagine that. I cannot think of anything but him! Meanwhile, he doesnt seem to give a shit about me. Okie can't say that since he did msg me himself today.
For people who are confused about the God entry... Yeah well it is just a stupid story I suddenly thought of while shitting, so I wrote it down. Since my feeble attempt at fiction is so unfruitful and unliked, I guess I shall not continue the story to bore you guys.
Or perhaps I will, if someone tells me s/he wants me to. =)
Oh I'm quite sad I failed at writing fiction.
-No guy talked to me today except a freaking gay. Goodness knows why.-
If we place a metal pole directly at the top of Bill Gate's house and we extent the metal pole to the far reachs of the clouds, it would hit a particularly grouchy god right on his butt.
This god's name is Sir Barnabas Keanu Fabian Gates, and he was, no doubt, an American.
100 years ago Sir Gates was promoted as a deity, or god, or whatever you people with religion liked to call heavenly beings with big powers.
Let me explain.
In the skies were the heavens. The heavens are not very far up actually, and if you flew on a boeing 747 and decided to keep flying upwards till your machine ran outta petrol, you would have reached it. There, is a land which is remarkably like the land of Mordor.
No, I'm kidding. It is not filled with smelly orcs. In fact, it is totally like whatever you imagined heaven to look like, complete with the chubby angels playing the harp. When you turned a corner, you would see young Japanese girls walking around naked. Thats how heaven looks like too, to some people I know.
When your boeing hits heaven, theres only one problem. Now, boeings are always made to have its tank emptied at the precise point where you hit heaven (the Aircraft God made sure of this). Of course, certain things on planet Earth are meant to be made for certain reasons, but we get to the silly issue of free will once again, and I am not one for quarreling.
Of course, the problem the boeing would face is that it would not have petrol to go down again.
Now, to some people, this is fine by them. They would like to stay put in heaven and play the harp all day long.
Unfortunately, recently the residents of heaven are very much into Warcraft III: Frozen Throne, and when your boeing suddenly hits heaven, you would most possibly interrupt an immersely boring game. Never mind it is immersely boring; the point is that the angels do not like being intruded this way.
In fact, visitors are to fly in from directly above Afghanistan, but no one would bother to fly there, and thus no one ever sees the arrows too.
The angels would take your boeing to throw down to any war area and no one will notice any extra planes anyway. After they are finished with it, they will hold you by your collar, and take you to the Screening God.
The Screening God is one of the most important Gods as he is blessed with the power to see who is worthy of becoming a god, an angel, or thrown back down to earth.
It is everyone's suspect that the Screening God is just a lusty bisexual old fool as the only criteria he uses to choose people is by their looks. The other gods and angels don't really mind, as long as heaven still looks like a setting for Temptation Island.
So, if you look like an barmy old fool, the Screening God will look at you disdainfully while you shiver; drowning in, yet afraid of his immerse beauty and dominance.
He would hold you up, one hand on your collar, the other grasping your pant's bottom, and with 3 heaves, throw you back down to Earth. With this he summons the Lightning and Thunder God (who everyone suspects is the Screening God's lover) and some lightning will shoot you to death, for you cannot reveal the secrets of heaven to anyone.
If you are good looking, the Screening God might make you an angel and you will work for some other god.
There are many many gods up on heaven, and the most recent count is 4,301. They are in charge of many many things that are going on on Earth, and here is Heaven's corporate mission:
"We work together to ensure that Earth is spinning well and that no Earthlings will ever find out about our corporation"
One day, 100 years ago, the Justice God (who is an extremely important God as well since he settles all fights and is blessed with the ability to split himself up to settle up to 739,192,485 fights at one single time) came hand in hand with the Beauty God to look for the Screening God.
When they arrived the Screening God was just looking at a bunch of grapes. Located at the the Lightning and Thunder God's naked belly.
The L&T god hastily replaced his clothes.
"Yes, my fair Justice and Beauty?", boomed the Screening God.
"We are not happy!", squeaked the very very beautiful Goddess of beauty as she pouted her full lips and fluttered her long long eyelashes shut silkily.
"Yes, my lord," Justice piped in. "I personally feel that you should not discriminate against ugly people. I would like to mention that I personally would have approved of Einstein to have been made Science God, and a whole load of good he would have done too. Yet, you kicked him off to get reincarnated as a stray maltese just because you thought his hair looked like one of those earth dogs."
"Yes yes!", came the Screening God's deep laughter. "Funny isn't it? Oh Einstein was a queer fellow alright. Yes, indeed, I disapprove of his wiry hair. That man should get a comb. But isn't Elvis doing fine as a Science God?"
The Justice God frowned. "No. Science have not improved much since. And Presley is so uninterested in his job, he dozes off half the time. The Disease Goddess personally gave him the formula for beating SARS so as to get the silly Earthlings a little more united, yet he forgot about it. And now, SARS is all over the place and everyone on Earth is cursing dear old Marilyn Monroe for conjuring the disease in the first place."
"Hmmm..." The Screening God knitted his brows together.
"And I am so sick of everyone looking just slightly uglier than me! Some even say that Sex God is lovelier than me, I really wonder what she did to deserve that! I am supposed to be the most beautiful here!" The Beauty God burst into hysterical tears.
"Oh alright alright! But my visions were never wrong in choosing..." the Screening God begin.
"Bullshit!" Justice exclaimed. "There ain't no vision. We all know your secret my dear, but we respect you as you have been here for such a long long time."
"I CHOOSE WHOEVER I WANT!" thundered the Screening God. The L&G God smiled approvingly at the thunderous voice.
"Well, then we choose to leave." Justice grabbed the pulchritudinous (but sobbing) Beauty God and turned his heel to leave, his scales ringing angrily after him.
"No! Don't! You know that Earth cannot do without Justice and Beauty!"
"Then hire ugly, but useful people."
"But I cannot just fire people away! They have all signed a lifelong contract! And everyone here is immortal!"
"Alright then for the next God created, hire a useful God and hardworking workers for him."
"But there is no need for another new God. We have got basically everything covered."
Suddenly, this scene was interrupted by a messenger angel from Earth.
"Oh gosh, whats with the pants that looks like trumpets!" the Beauty God shrieked. She is very particular about clothes.
"Erm, my ladyship, it is what I have to wear to look human. Besides, I personally find it very sexy. The humans are all into bellbottomed pants!"
He proceeded to perform a queer dance step which involved him sticking out his index and thumb and pointing his index from his belt, to the air and looking very smug indeed.
"NO MENTIONING SEX TO ME!"
The messenger stopped dancing immediately.
Justice God whispered into the shocked messenger angel's ear that the Beauty God just had a quarrel with the Sex God.
"I'm truly sorry my ladyship," (with a wave of his hands he is wearing white robes again, and the Beauty God smirked), "but I have news my Lord,". He was addressing the Screening God, who was busy playing with L&T God's little toe and shockingly enough, was giggling.
"Ahem!" Justice, Beauty and Messenger said together.
"What!" the Screening God felt intruded.
"The humans have discovered computers!!!"
"How?!"
"I think, please pardon me my lord, that the lightning did not manage to kill a particular human and he told someone else about how we have computers and then he died. The other person started to invent computers from there, and today succeeded in making a machine which cannot even play puzzle bobble yet."
The Screening God shoot a vicious look at the L&T God, who did not look the least bit guilty but instead begin to check out Beauty God's nipples, which could be clearly seen underneath her sheer white robes.
"Thats not too bad," said Justice. "Messenger Tan, you think that they would improve on their designs and make their computers part of their lives?"
"Yes," Tan replied, "But it will not be so soon."
"There will be a need for a Computer God," said Justice wisely.
-TO BE CONTINUED-
