I really got nothing better to do. I just gave stupid testimonials to all of my friends in my real life account. And I mean stupid testimonials.
My favourite is the one I left for secondary school friend Jing Wei:
"JINGle bells JINGle bells, JINGle all the WEI!"
-_-||
So anyway. I got nothing much to blog about today, so I shall just post some photos.
To celebrate that I am celebrating Christmas for YET another year being single, I bought a christmas gift for me.
Its SUPPOSED to be a Dior bag (and its pink too!) but I got it cheap at Yahoo! Auctions because the letter R is missing. Who cares about a stupid R. I got a nice DIO bag! All I want for Christmas is a pink Dio bag!
I was packing my room, and I found several miscellaneous items.
MY GRANDPA'S PHOTO.
My grandpa is close to eighty currently. He is a mighty nice guy, and he was showing me old photos when I saw this one and snatched it away. I used to keep it in my wallet coz I think he looks really really suave in this pic. That was years ago... Hmmm... But I still think he is cute. I don't mind marrying my grandfather if I were my grandmother. Ha ha...
I found some old love-letters that i wrote, and this one was particularly long. 4 foolscap pages. Attached is this picture that u are seeing, a mickey and minnie pic, from a jigsaw puzzle that I gave an ex. No, its not traced. It is meant to be given to him but I forgot what happened and it didn't get sent.
I saw the picture and decided that I am very talented indeed *ahem*. I cannot imagine how I managed to paint that. But my artistic talents seem to stop at the drawing cartoons stage and dwindled ever since. Damn. Anyway, the little digimon is my fav digimon! But I don't know what its called. I just draw it based on a digimon card my bro has. Its so cute!
Speaking of cartoons....
I found this envelop that has Jeremy's drawings on it... He drew it on a seat at orchard the night we watched Pirates of Caribbean. Now he is possibly drawing his gf nude. Dammit. I hope she has cellulite.
I was out with June yesterday for some shopping. I suddenly recalled that the guy I liked for so many months is attached. I wailed, "JUNEEEEEEEEEEEEE....... DO YOU KNOW THAT JEREMY IS ATTACHED??!"
June: "Yeah. Read your blog."
Me: "He is fucking someone else!"
June: "I was about to say 'Then you go fuck someone else too lor' but I realise he doesn't care. Haha!"
Me: "..."
June: "Ah I know! You go find someone else to fuck his girlfriend!"
Me: "I dunno who his gf is."
June: "Not in friendster meh?"
Me: "No testimonial yet."
Its a good idea. I wait till she writes something. And then I will get the winner of the toyboy audition to seduce her and Jeremy will be heart-broken and I will take him into my arms to nurse his wounds.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
On second thoughts. I decided to get a new boyfriend. Who cares about Jeremy? I wanna get an Elite model as a bf. He shall act in Lightyears. He will be really cute. And he will be an entertainer. He will even write that he is in a open marriage with me in Friendsters, although the term "open marriage" in itself is oxymoronic.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
MY NEWLY ACQUIRED BOYFRIEND:
Are we a happy couple or what?
LOL.
I am sitting alone at home, surrounded by the white walls of my home. Hmmm... I finished checking my email. I finished checking friendster mail. I finished re-reading my entries for grammar mistakes, but not bothering to edit them anyway.
What shall I do?
Ah... I shall check on people on friendster...
The walls fall in. Everything turns grey. Thunder clouds form outside the house. Lightning hits a cat and it shrieks. An earthquake, famine, flood and forest fire starts all at the same time. My knees are giving way, even though I am not using them. There is a big pressure, and then Saddam Hussien gets caught. He is ugly. But never mind that.
The day has come. It is inevitable anyway.
I AM SO FUCKING SAD............!!
People, look: =(((
WHY WHY WHY??? Why must this happen??
He is attached already!! All the months of pining... All the efforts made. Everything is just GONE.
Shawn, you can marry me now.
Its okie girl! I'm a big big girl in a big big world its not a big big thing if he leaves me to be with someone else who is no doubt suckier than me. Oh, who am I kidding. I am short and fat. Irritating and loud. Bad hair. A big pimple on the top of my lips (currently). Ugly nose. Not smart enough. Thick ankles. Not rich. Big tummy. Totally in love with Jeremy.
Its okie girl! Its time to grow up anyway. If there is no chemistry, there isn't. Face it, he is fucking someone else. Someone else is fucking him. He is also kissing someone else, hugging someone else. Oh! I am so traumatized!
*Slaps self*
Here are the self-deceiving reasons why Jeremy is so NOT the person for me.
1) He doesn't only not drive. He CAN'T drive.
2) Bankers are too stingy.
3) Bankers make bad lovers.
4) Bankers all bald early.
5) Since he is a banker he will want to always be the banker for monopoly. Thats rude.
6) Banker rhymes with wanker.
7) People who wear yellow tshirts are disgusting.
8) He smokes.
9) What kind of freak has Kit Kat White as their favourite chocolate? (is it even a chocolate?)
10) Jeremy is a motorola promoter. I can imagine this scenerio:
-In the case where we get married-
Jem: Ah. Motorola is such a good brand.
Me: No, Samsung is better.
Jem: Motorola phones have 128k colour screen.
Me: So does Samsung. And Samsung is easier to use than Motorola.
Jem: Too bad. I am buying Motorola phones for all our eleven children.
Me: Speaking of the children! You made me give birth to so many children just coz u are so in love with soccer and wanna play soccer everyday! Look at my tummy now! I am so fat!
Jem: Don't blame me. You were already fat when we were together initially.
Me: ....... Ok. But don't buy them Motorola phones. I INSIST ON SAMSUNG!
Jem: Shut up, bitch. Or I will cancel your bank account and transfer all the money to me! Wahahaha!
Me: You fucked up banker!
Jem: Say somemore! I go cancel now.
Me: I wish you got attached to that girl u claimed u liked in 2003.
11) Jeremy does not put a space after his commas. Can't believe he has been doing it wrong all 25 years.
12) Ong Yan yan sounds HORRIBLE.
13) Jeremy stays at East Coast and thats so freaking far.
14) Jeremy has a very tall sister and I will have to climb on her shoulder to talk to her properly.
15) Jeremy is not Cantonese.
16) Bankers are evil.
17) Thus Jeremy is evil.
18) Jeremy likes coffee shops. I like aircons.
19) "Jeremy and Wendy are married" sounds SO CLICHE.
20) If we get married we would have to invite all the Nokia, Panasonic, Sony Ericsson and LG promoters. They would quarrel at our wedding and we will join in and it will be noisy.
21) Jeremy is fucking attached.
22) Jeremy doesn't like me (in that sense).
23) Jeremy's new gf is possibly Australian and he will get herpes soon.
24) Jeremy is just WRONG.
Thats right. I have been deluded all this while. The Mr. Right is somewhere waiting for me.
*runs along the beach with arms wide open and boobs swinging, complete with the translucent white dress*
Let me into your embrace, Mr. Right!
No more Jeremy. I can survive without him.
Next!
Hey, but then again I had this conversation with a friend:
Me: He is attached.
Him: Yeah, but a attached guy is like a goalpost with a goalkeeper. You can still score, just that it is more difficult.
*SLAPS SELF*
NONONONONO! Cannot be jian nu ren!
Ok, who wants to be my toyboy for the moment? Pay is a massage per 5 hours.
Audition 16/12/2003 at Teban Gardens. Dress up either as a fireman or pilot. Prepare self photo and resume. Auditions will include (pole) dancing and stripping. Perferable to look like Jeremy, if not, Orlando Bloom. Leave a comment for audition details.
Ugly people need not apply. It a cruel world.
Readers are encouraged to give Jeremy a smack on the head when seeing him in public. Shout loudly, "I READ XIAXUE'S BLOG AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT TO NOT LIKE HER!"
Readers are also encouraged to tell Jeremy what he is missing out on in the comments box. Just the good stuff. He knows about the bad stuff already, plus I will delete evil comments anyway.
Oh yeah. To make me a wee bit happier, please vote for me here if you haven't already did it?
-There is life besides Jeremy. There is mahjong.-
Alright time to turn up the speakers I uploaded a song for Jeremy and all of you are supposed to SING ALONG!
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby
I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You...
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is You
All I want for Christmas is you baby
I love you, Jeremy!!
*****
Santa, if you don't wanna gimme Jeremy coz he is too sucky, you can get me a burberry pink muffler as a substitute. I don't mind.
Or a pink Dior bag.
Or a new 8910.
Ok I decided I don't only want Jeremy for christmas.
Because all (actually not all, but most) of you are such nice people, I shall give all my readers (including those who hate my site but come here everyday anyway) a nice pleasant surprise.
Its even better than caramel ice-cream. Nicer than Paris Hilton's sex video, which I have not downloaded yet, damn. Even better than a shiny new Ferrari. Nicer than rainbows and waterfalls and butterflies and LV bags.
It is porn.
I have found this link, which leads to absolutely delicious sex videos and nude pictures of many celebrities. The site has absolutely no ads and loads in a very short period of time. It is bound to elate you whatever ur interests are in, may it be gay porn, beastiality, necrophilia or child porn.
This are the steps u need to take to reach the site. I guarantee you it will be worth it.
First, you click on the link I provided. It is disguised as a competition for the best Asian Weblogs, but rest assured it is nothing that bo liao. It is just a facade.
And then u will see the link "Xiaxue" on there right? Yup, thats the page to get porn. However, before you click on that link, you must "pretend" to vote for the best Singapore site first. Choose my site (and no one else's or it will take you to websites which shows butchers cutting up pigs, which are actually quite interesting but nothing beats the porn anyway.) and enter your email address and click on "vote".
Funny isn't it, how the disguise to be a voting page is so complete? Not to worry, porn will come soon.
CLICK HERE to get there.
The site will say "Your vote has been counted". It may not look like porn at first, since it seems to be all words.
Let me tell u the secret. It is actually an optical illusion. If u look at the site for 70 mins or so without blinking much and concentrating on the words, you will see all the porn. I personally saw Fann Wong nude (OMG her body is what I imagine Michael Jackson's to look like.), as well as other celebrities such as Jeremy and Jeremy. He is absolutely delicious. It is totally wonderful.
Oh fuck the bullshit.
Just freaking vote for me coz I hate the mattageysius (I dunno how to spell it so I typed randomly) guy (mentioned in the last post my dears) and I wanna win him. I know I already won him, but winning is not enough. I wanna win by a big big margin. That will teach him to be so bloody yaya!
Alright I get 1000 readers a day, so if only a mere 10% of you vote, I will get 100 votes already. If you think you shall be the 90%, well, STOP BEING SO LAZY AND JUST VOTE LA!
Bleah. I can't believe I am into this thing.
When I first started out my blog, I had never intended it to be a thing for the mass public to read. I have never intended for it to be competitive.
I simply wrote what was on my mind. It may be little silly thoughts I have... imaginations, or ideas, or simple ranting about things I am not happy with which I would have to keep quiet about in real life.
And then the site gets more popular. I don't know the reason for this. Some tell me I am entertaining, most claim I am funny. But there are also people who tell me they come to the site just to see how stupid I can get tomorrow. Or how "bimbotic".
Nah... I don't give a shit. This is my blog. Here, I write in a language that is most comfortable to me. And of course my blog is centred around me. I don't see what is wrong with that. I am writing for myself, not for an audience. I stress again. I am writing about MY life for MYSELF to read. Everyone else is welcome to read it if they want. But if you are not interested to read about me, why come here? The main purpose for the existence of my blog is for me to record my life and my thoughts. If you like it and it makes you laugh, good. If not, don't read it.
I write in short form for certain words, because it is faster and easier. Like "tml". I don't use abbreviations for just acting cute. Can someone tell me WHY I should write in a serious, formal language when this site is only meant for me to read? Do I not know that "tml" actually means "tomorrow" when I read it myself?
Someone asked me whether I sensationalise my blog to get more readership.
The answer is NO. No, I would not like to have more readers. Sure, I love to read the comments people have about my opinions. I love it when I get compliments even.
But no, I do not like it that I have less freedom to write what I want. I do not like it when I mention names and the mentioned person gets to read my blog. I do not like to get flamed when I write about sensitive issues. My blog used to be limited to close friends, who will not get offended with my writing coz they know me well enough.
Then do I like the "celeb blogger" feeling? I do not deny that there was a rush of excitement when my blog started to get popular and people come to me on the streets to tell me they love my blog. That was months ago. Now, with all the above-mentioned factors in mind, I am feeling stressed and bound.
Suddenly, someone organises some silly competition about the best weblogs. Read this fellow, my readers.
People who are nominated start to criticize other websites. For example, I read that I am a semi-camwhore, just because I write blatantly about my thoughts and because I put up pictures of myself. Because I don't use big words. Because my grammar is sometimes wrong.
There is a point I would like to make.
Blogs are not meant for an audience.
There is absolutely no need for me to have good grammar. I put up pictures of myself because pictures speak of details that words cannot. The pictures bring back memories of the day's events when the mind's eye cannot.
I even admit I am guilty of narcissism. (Did I spell that correct? Can't be bothered to check the dictionary) Yes, I like to see pictures of myself. I think it would be interesting to see my pictures after a few years and see how I have changed.
Just because I write flippantly and casually here does not mean I am not capable of writing proper English when it matters.
Some of the nominees seem to have forgotten the purpose of a blog. A blog is an online diary. It is not a website with a distinct purpose for a defined target audience. Some of the nominees write in perfect English, their entries are more people-centred rather than self-centred, obviously aiming to be recognised as a "intellectual" site rather than a site which sole purpose is for the author's keeping.
Sure, that would make a good website.
But not a good blog. In my opinion, a good weblog is one which can attract many people to view it despite it remaining in its raw form without any sensationalism. The site should be of blatant opinions and real life accounts. That makes it a blog, not a forum for serious discussions (whose's main participant is the author).
Anne Frank's diary remains the most famous diary ever. You think the little girl wrote in perfect English with bombastic words? You think her diary gives the intellectual simulation other books may? No. But people still read her life stories with relish. And the best thing? She didn't even MEAN for it to be read by an audience when she wrote. That, is success for writers.
The Diary of Adrian Mole are full of stupid thoughts of a young boy wanting to masterbate everyday. Why do people still read the book? Because it is REAL. It is something people can relate to.
I am not saying that people who actually bother to do up their sites to relate to the highly intelligent crowd are wrong of course. If they want to make their blog a public thing for a defined audience, it is their business. If they want to discuss serious events (like politics?), it is of course their choice.
It is just my opinion that a simple and beautiful thing like a personal weblog should not be spoilt with such serious issues. The entries should be light-hearted and with vivid descriptions of the author's life and views, isn't that a blog is supposed to be?
I can write every entry of mine in the manner this entry is written, but why should I? I don't wanna fall asleep when I read it months later.
My usual readers are already falling asleep with this entry, yes? LOL.... (Yes I used an IRC abbrevation, duh.) You guys perfer to go thru' (oops, abbrevation again!) my life with me with all the usual laughter and tears right? (I think only one entry up to date is a truly sad one. Thanks for all the support then, although the stupid comments link got erased.)
If you agree with what I said, do vote for me and prove the assholes wrong.
There you go. I got nominated twice, so vote for the "Xiaxue" instead of the "See the World thru' my Eyes" yeah?
I am also nominated for the Funniest blog.
Thank you darlings. Remember that I love you all. Muacks! And I am not begging here. If you can't be bothered to click on the link, don't.
And thank you, Tingz, for the nomination? =D Its really sweet of you...
-Semi-camwhore? Nah. My boobs aren't big enough.
And if you don't realise that I was joking from most of the statements you quoted, perhaps you are not as smart as you try to portray youself to be. What the fuck is a metastasis anyway? Whats the point of writing that word there when almost no one can understand it?
Just some random stillframes....
Look what a cute bunny apple I cut!! =D I got the idea from Shin-Chan. Recently been watching too much la pi xiao xin. I am beginning to talk like him.
Greetings! Merry X'mas! Yes, I am aware the arms are too thin and the boobs are crooked. Just a silly 5 minute sketch I drew while talking on the phone.
The dragon behind is what my bro drew. Compare what a girl draws and what a boy draws! Ok it seems I am a bit pervertic coz it should have been the boys drawing the bikini babes. I should have drawn flowers? Hearts? Rainbows? Oh, cut the crap. Gimme the bikini babes!
The Cult uniform. I know the Gucci cap looks extra, but pardon me, I had a bad hair day.
If you looking carefully enough at my bro's artwork (he is 10 btw, thus the childish drawings), you will realised there is a "mini" in my family. Thats my maid. Tml, Mini will be flying back to Indonesia!
I am very very traumatized. I have had maids for 10 freaking years (since my bro was born) till now, and I have no idea how I am going to survive without one. I have to clean my room! Cook my own food! Iron my clothes!
I am so horrified. I know I should stop being a fucking spoilt kid. But... It is just so hard...
Bad news for readers though. Might need to spend more time tidying stuff up, so might have less time to blog.
One thing good. I have my own room finally!! Yaay!
Thats it. I had enough of models. The next time I heard someone vaguely mention something about model-fucking-ling, I will slap the person across the face with a large trout, ala IRC style. In which case I would have to bring a large trout with me everywhere I go, and it will be heavy and I will stink, but it will be worth it.
When I went for the job audition for the Cult thingy, there was this girl who came into the room. She is one brain cell more to becoming a retard. The next time she smokes or take some drugs (no doubt.), the one last brain cell which is preventing her from becoming a true blue idiot will get fried and there, you get yet ANOTHER idiot model. Congratulations! And celebrations! The world needs more idiot models!
Here's what she said.
Interviewer: "Hi, your name?"
"PurpleBalls."
"So PurpleBalls, you know what our product is about right? You are to encourage people to try our new drink... There will be a night and day shift, the night for clubs and the day for 7/11 and shell stations."
"Ah huh."
"So PurpleBalls, do you have any past experience for promoting?"
"Oh, I'm with Mark Chow (a modelling agency in case you don't know)"
"Uh... But do you have any past promoting experience?"
"Oh! No."
"Okie... We are looking for people who can work both the night and day shift lor.. Are u ok with the day shift?"
"Huh? Ah... (think for 3 seconds)... I would prefer night la..."
"Yeah but are u ok with day as well?"
"I prefer night lor..."
*****
-_-||
-__-|||
Someone kill me. Firstly, nobody asked her if she is a freaking model. Why the hell must she announce it? Is it something to be proud of? Please, ANY FREAKING PERSON CAN BE A MODEL. I mean it. The agencies take shit people in. It is NOTHING to be proud of at all!
And why is she so dumb! Urgh!
But thats not all.
There was this second girl, when asked what she is doing currently, she said she is a part-time model. I don't know about how the others feel, but immediately I took a look at her and went, "YOU? A MODEL? No wonder you need to come to this job interview. Ain't getting chosen during auditions huh? Oh, isn't $7 an hour too miserly for poor little itsy bitsy model here? Oh you poor thing... Lucky Cult, they got a MODEL for a promoter! What a deal!"
She isn't even slightly CLOSE to being pretty. I mean, true, she is really a part-time model currently (which really means she is just plain jobless) but I really see no point in letting people sneer at u this way. Maybe, if there were men in the room they would go like, "Wow, model leh!".
But no. The whole room was filled with girls and no one gives a shit whether she is a model or not. All we know is that she is damn hao lian. Whats the point?
This is the worst incident: There was this girl who worked at banquet at New Park with me. I don't give a shit about whether she might read my blog. Her name is Seraphina.
So anyway, a little background info about Miss Sera. She is an old staff of New Park, which is why my manager knows her and asked her to come back to work. She is also tall, and is a MODEL. She is not very pretty though, but I would say she is pleasant looking.
I noticed Seraphina eating with my manager and sat down with them. My manager told me that she is an old staff but it has been years since she came back to work, and thus she doesn't know anyone yet. My manager also stressed (with a very proud tone indeed), that Seraphina is a freaking model.
I thought in my heart: "Why does she have to tell the whole world she is a model? Gross."
But being the kind and benevolent person I am, I tried to be friendly to her as I know how it feels like to be new. The New Park staff all knew each other for a long time already and thus she might feel a little left out.
Me: "Wow, I like your hair colour! Ash brown! Where did u dye it?"
TheFreakingModel: "Oh. Hair show."
Me: "Yeah but where??"
TheFreakingModel: "Hair show lor."
Me: "Yeah la hair show but also got place right?"
TheFreakingModel: "The place? Hair show lor."
Someone, raising voice: "Yeah la but the salon no name meh?"
FreakingModel: "Oh, some jap brand, I don't know."
*
Throughout my conversation, she gave such dull and unwilling answers, as if she can't be bothered to talk to me. Fine. Maybe she is just a bit shy, I thought.
Boy am I wrong! After I shut my gap, the guys started to talk to her. Suddenly, you can see the glow come back to her face. The eyelashes are batting. The cute blush on the cheeks. The energized answers.
KNN!!! I was so pissed, that I almost wanted to stuff the brinjal I was eating into her flat nose, except for one thing: I wasn't having brinjals. I was forgot what I ate, but whatever it is, I want to slap her with it.
She thinks she is a fucking model, so she can only talk to guys huh? And the banquet guys aren't even CUTE! So, why can't she speak to me? Coz I ain't a freaking model like her?
*Snot*
AS IF I wanna talk to her in the first place. I was just trying to be kind.
Remarkably, at the end of 6 working hours, ALL the girls in New Park hated her guts. She plain refuses to speak to girls. And also, she has the arrogence of standing at the kitchen waiting for food before the VIP server (yours truly) took the food. You see, in banqueting, the bridal table has to get the food first. By coming into the kitchen before the VIP server, you are telling everyone that u are freaking efficient and the VIP server is wasting your time coz she is so damn slow.
Hello?! I don't mind if she does that if she is really so damn fast (coz the other staff has to serve two tables so if she is faster than me she is double my speed). But she is not. According to my colleague, her tables are not even finished with the last dish and she went in to collect the next. This means only one thing: she is trying to impress my manager.
And she succeeded. I heard that the next time she worked, my manager let her be the second VIP server (I was busy so I did not work). Guess what? The guests COMPLAINED very angrily to my manager that her model hair was all over the place. True enough. She plain refused to tie up her hair during work.
Is this ridiculous or what?! A waitress refusing to tie up her hair? (My manager told her to tidy it and she came back with exactly the same hairstyle) She has this two cockroach tails covering the side of the face, which no doubt will drop into the sharks' fin soup when she is serving it. Oh boy I am sorry to tell you this, Seraphina, but I do not think they would think that ash brown dye would taste like vinegar complimenting the soup, darling. Oh what? You say you are a model? Yeah well, but guess what?
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
Tell me, Seraphina, if you are so bloody successful as a freaking model, why are u working for lousy crumpled New Park Hotel for the hard-earned cash of $5 per hour? Isn't it a little too hard on your fragile model body? What if you break your model nails? Oh god, what if your modelling agent SAW you do this kinda crude and mandane tasks! *tsk tsk* Don't you earn much more (and easily as well) doing hairshows, catwalks and photoshoots? Why wait upon grumpy old guests who don't appreciate those lovely locks all over their soup?
I hate these people. The real models (those who are in Elite or Mannequin for example) don't go around telling the world they are models. People KNOW, coz they are famous. Those who hao lian are from sucky agencies like Jeffery Chung or Linsey or Quest.
All you need to do is to look human to get into these agencies, perferably with a pair of boobs. Actually its ok if u don't look human. You just need the boobs. You can walk around with 3 eyes and a snout and you can still be a model, as long as you have the boobs. And then u get sucky jobs like selling bubble tea wearing bikinis. Or sleazy car shows being race queens.
*snot*
I really cannot stand them.
Today, June and I went for an audition for some nonsense hairshow. Pay is a hundred, not bad. In the toilet where I met June was this group of chao ah lians.
They were speaking very loudly, and poor June was standing in between of them, so they were shouting across her face. The toilet is small.
"Kan ni na. Wo heng zhao ju xiang GAN ta liao leh. Chao Cheebye...." The rest are too explicit, and repeated anyway. In short, they were thinking of beating up this guy who likes "lok kuays" (slutty prostitutes).
June and I exchanged raised eyebrows and went upstairs for the audition. They were there too. Turns out they are from some modelling agency.
There. You have it. Models. Models= chao ah lians. Baby blue eyeshadow around the whole eye. Mascara like cockroach legs. Skinny body with weird posture (apparently case of bad genes here). Blusher like wayang. This kinda standards can be models.
"Excuse me, are you a model?"
"Yeah, how did you tell?"
"Coz you look too dumb to be anything else."
*****
Anyway, I have thought about it already. Remember the post about talent scouts who always approach June to ask her to be a freaking model when I am talking to June and thus making me forget what I was saying?
I have thought of what I would do to them already. Instead of lynching them and slapping every multiple of five such scouts across the face, I would do this:
Me: "Usual yadda yadda"
June: "Grunt grunt. Grunt."
Me: "Yadda yayayayayayayyaddadaadadddadada! Yadda! Yadda yaddda!"
June: "grunt." *nods*
Me: "Yaada! ya yayadda! yaddad-"
*interrupted*
Scout: "Hi Miss you are very beautiful!"
Me: "Thank you."
Scout: "Uh I was speaking to her."
Me: "Why not me?"
Scout: "Sorry.. But I think she is more suitable."
Me: "Ok then, speak to her."
Scout: "Sorry ah Miss. So Miss (addressing June), would u like to join our agency called ShittyShitShit Models? We have a large modelling base of 1,2847 models to date as we recruit even chimpanzees. We are actually trying to cheat your money, but we guarantee you lots of jobs"
June: "Ah-"
Me: "I am sorry, but she can't."
Scout: "Why? And it is none of your business."
Me: "HAHA! IDIOT! Don't you recognise her?! She is the supermodel June Longlegs! She is on this month's Cleo, and on her way to cutting her 3rd album in HK."
Scout: "So?"
Me: "I am her manager, and she is not interested to join your shitty company as she is already with Elite Models, my dear."
Scout: "Well mdm (addressing June), you can still join our company for more job opportunities."
Me: "Why the fuck would she wanna join your company when she is already with Elite?!"
Scout: "Well, can always have more chances mah."
Me, shouting so that everyone can hear me: "I ALREADY SAID I AM NOT INTERESTED TO JOIN YOUR COMPANY AS A FREAKING MODEL, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FORCE ME??!!"
Scout: "I didn't!"
Me: "I SAID QUIT IT ALREADY!"
Scout, shouting too: "I DIDN'T SAY I WANT YOU TO JOIN!"
Me: "OH, USING THIS TRICK NOW AREN'T YOU! EVERYONE DON'T GET TRICKED BY HER! MONEY CHEATER! I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MAGIC STONE THAT CAN CURE CANCER AS WELL!"
-Everyone gasps.-
Scout: "I didn't! I didn't sell u a stone!"
Me: "BIG FAT CHEATER! COME, LETS GO, JUNE!"
Scout: "..."
****
-Good. Less models, less annoyance.-
