Donkey has 5 new friends already! Yaay! Popular donkey!
Bye everyone. Gotta work tiger beer again... Paya Lebar air base. Anyone in there? I hope I meet some cute pilots. I will choose the most eligible two and cordially invite them to role play with me the Pearl Harbour story!! Wahahahha!
(warning: explicit.)
Tom: Oh Wendy!
Me: Oh Tom!
Together: We are so in love! Lets get married!
*Tom and Dick goes to war. They are handsome pilots*
Years later:
Me: Oh Dick! Thanks for looking after me when Tom is dead! I think I am falling in love with you...
Dick: Oh Wendy! Me too! I have loved you since the day you had those boobs implants.
Me: Oh Dick!
Dick: Oh Wendy!
Together: We are so in love! Lets get married!
*Tom appears at the door*
Tom: KNN the fucking plane crashed and I survived 3 years at a stupid island. Got computer there no phone, so I tried to email you, my dear Wendy, but you did not reply! OH WAIT. IS THAT DICK YOU ARE SHAGGING? Oops I am sorry for the pun. MY BEST FRIEND DICK?!!! HOW COULD YOU?! Without a condom too! At least I used a condom with June!
Dick and I: Oh we are so sorry Tom! We know we have hurt you! But these three years, our friendship has blossomed into something deeper. Now we have lust. Care to join us?
Tom: NO!
Dick: Oh come on! Wendy was just telling me how u like to act as a TIGER *snigger snigger*! Care to try that now?
Tom: NO!
Me: Hey wait. Dick. YOU WERE DELETING TOM'S EMAILS TO ME?!! YOU DESPICABLE CRETIN! You KNEW all along that he's alive!
Tom: Grrrrr! Grrr! (translate: I am a fierce tiger!)
Dick: Errr.
Me: Whatever. You gave me years of orgasms no money can buy. Come on Tom....
Tom: Grrrrrrrrrrrr! (translate: NO!)
Me: Show dick how ANGRY you are!
Tom: Gr, gr grr grgr. (Oh, oh well ok.)
Together: Oh we are so in love! Lets write we are all married to each other in friendster!
I know I know! I shall set up a friendster account.
It shall be an account for an ugly donkey.
I will suggest a match between the donkey and people who have "open marriage" as their status when they are obviously just "in a relationship" and not freaking married.
I will also suggest matchs between the donkey and desperate guys who msg me in friendster to "make friends". Yeah, give me one good reason why I should "make friends" with them. Do I not have enough friends as it is? Doh. Fucking waste my time to read their msgs. Some of the messages are really really hilarous and stupid. Should I be mean enough to post them up inclusive of pictures? Drop me a comment. (p/s: I am really really tempted.)
I will msg the desperate guys and ask them cheesy questions like "Are you REALLY single? How cum no girlfriend? You look so sweet... Can we be friends? I love fishing, wood-working and packing my wardrobe, you?"
It would be really nice to see the look on their faces when they see that someone thinks they will be compatible with a donkey.
For example:
I decided that using Jeremy as an example for the victim seems to be quite evil, so I decided to choose June instead. However, by some accident this turned out:
IT LOOKS DAMN WRONG. Very very wrong.
*shudders*
Shall go write the donkey's profile now. If wanna add the donkey as your friend to matchmake to other irritating friends of yours you can add the donkey at yycheng84@yahoo.com.sg.
Nights everyone. I shall go write the donkey's profile now.
I just finished doing up the photos site too. Finally too. It was spoilt for like 4 months. Enjoy.
If you think you will not enjoy it, don't go. Simple as that.
For the rest of you...
I am really thankful for the votes. Even with just the nomination, I am a winner. I don't need to win the contest as long as I have the support from all my loyal blog readers. You guys really make my day when I am down. Thanks!
Oh yeah I added a logo thingy for my site, coz it has been requested by many people.
You can use the html provided to link to my site, if you want to! =D If you could, please give me an email to tell me that u linked it.
Replace the square tags with the sharp tags.
[a href="http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com"][img src="img src="http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid93/
p64e9991b2701a8d18d06286b3285c7ae/fa47edff.jpg"][/a]
There u get it. I will try to put it into the site tomorrow.
Yes. Its time to sleep. Its officially morning already.
I really got nothing better to do. I just gave stupid testimonials to all of my friends in my real life account. And I mean stupid testimonials.
My favourite is the one I left for secondary school friend Jing Wei:
"JINGle bells JINGle bells, JINGle all the WEI!"
-_-||
So anyway. I got nothing much to blog about today, so I shall just post some photos.
To celebrate that I am celebrating Christmas for YET another year being single, I bought a christmas gift for me.
Its SUPPOSED to be a Dior bag (and its pink too!) but I got it cheap at Yahoo! Auctions because the letter R is missing. Who cares about a stupid R. I got a nice DIO bag! All I want for Christmas is a pink Dio bag!
I was packing my room, and I found several miscellaneous items.
MY GRANDPA'S PHOTO.
My grandpa is close to eighty currently. He is a mighty nice guy, and he was showing me old photos when I saw this one and snatched it away. I used to keep it in my wallet coz I think he looks really really suave in this pic. That was years ago... Hmmm... But I still think he is cute. I don't mind marrying my grandfather if I were my grandmother. Ha ha...
I found some old love-letters that i wrote, and this one was particularly long. 4 foolscap pages. Attached is this picture that u are seeing, a mickey and minnie pic, from a jigsaw puzzle that I gave an ex. No, its not traced. It is meant to be given to him but I forgot what happened and it didn't get sent.
I saw the picture and decided that I am very talented indeed *ahem*. I cannot imagine how I managed to paint that. But my artistic talents seem to stop at the drawing cartoons stage and dwindled ever since. Damn. Anyway, the little digimon is my fav digimon! But I don't know what its called. I just draw it based on a digimon card my bro has. Its so cute!
Speaking of cartoons....
I found this envelop that has Jeremy's drawings on it... He drew it on a seat at orchard the night we watched Pirates of Caribbean. Now he is possibly drawing his gf nude. Dammit. I hope she has cellulite.
I was out with June yesterday for some shopping. I suddenly recalled that the guy I liked for so many months is attached. I wailed, "JUNEEEEEEEEEEEEE....... DO YOU KNOW THAT JEREMY IS ATTACHED??!"
June: "Yeah. Read your blog."
Me: "He is fucking someone else!"
June: "I was about to say 'Then you go fuck someone else too lor' but I realise he doesn't care. Haha!"
Me: "..."
June: "Ah I know! You go find someone else to fuck his girlfriend!"
Me: "I dunno who his gf is."
June: "Not in friendster meh?"
Me: "No testimonial yet."
Its a good idea. I wait till she writes something. And then I will get the winner of the toyboy audition to seduce her and Jeremy will be heart-broken and I will take him into my arms to nurse his wounds.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
On second thoughts. I decided to get a new boyfriend. Who cares about Jeremy? I wanna get an Elite model as a bf. He shall act in Lightyears. He will be really cute. And he will be an entertainer. He will even write that he is in a open marriage with me in Friendsters, although the term "open marriage" in itself is oxymoronic.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
MY NEWLY ACQUIRED BOYFRIEND:
Are we a happy couple or what?
LOL.
I am sitting alone at home, surrounded by the white walls of my home. Hmmm... I finished checking my email. I finished checking friendster mail. I finished re-reading my entries for grammar mistakes, but not bothering to edit them anyway.
What shall I do?
Ah... I shall check on people on friendster...
The walls fall in. Everything turns grey. Thunder clouds form outside the house. Lightning hits a cat and it shrieks. An earthquake, famine, flood and forest fire starts all at the same time. My knees are giving way, even though I am not using them. There is a big pressure, and then Saddam Hussien gets caught. He is ugly. But never mind that.
The day has come. It is inevitable anyway.
I AM SO FUCKING SAD............!!
People, look: =(((
WHY WHY WHY??? Why must this happen??
He is attached already!! All the months of pining... All the efforts made. Everything is just GONE.
Shawn, you can marry me now.
Its okie girl! I'm a big big girl in a big big world its not a big big thing if he leaves me to be with someone else who is no doubt suckier than me. Oh, who am I kidding. I am short and fat. Irritating and loud. Bad hair. A big pimple on the top of my lips (currently). Ugly nose. Not smart enough. Thick ankles. Not rich. Big tummy. Totally in love with Jeremy.
Its okie girl! Its time to grow up anyway. If there is no chemistry, there isn't. Face it, he is fucking someone else. Someone else is fucking him. He is also kissing someone else, hugging someone else. Oh! I am so traumatized!
*Slaps self*
Here are the self-deceiving reasons why Jeremy is so NOT the person for me.
1) He doesn't only not drive. He CAN'T drive.
2) Bankers are too stingy.
3) Bankers make bad lovers.
4) Bankers all bald early.
5) Since he is a banker he will want to always be the banker for monopoly. Thats rude.
6) Banker rhymes with wanker.
7) People who wear yellow tshirts are disgusting.
8) He smokes.
9) What kind of freak has Kit Kat White as their favourite chocolate? (is it even a chocolate?)
10) Jeremy is a motorola promoter. I can imagine this scenerio:
-In the case where we get married-
Jem: Ah. Motorola is such a good brand.
Me: No, Samsung is better.
Jem: Motorola phones have 128k colour screen.
Me: So does Samsung. And Samsung is easier to use than Motorola.
Jem: Too bad. I am buying Motorola phones for all our eleven children.
Me: Speaking of the children! You made me give birth to so many children just coz u are so in love with soccer and wanna play soccer everyday! Look at my tummy now! I am so fat!
Jem: Don't blame me. You were already fat when we were together initially.
Me: ....... Ok. But don't buy them Motorola phones. I INSIST ON SAMSUNG!
Jem: Shut up, bitch. Or I will cancel your bank account and transfer all the money to me! Wahahaha!
Me: You fucked up banker!
Jem: Say somemore! I go cancel now.
Me: I wish you got attached to that girl u claimed u liked in 2003.
11) Jeremy does not put a space after his commas. Can't believe he has been doing it wrong all 25 years.
12) Ong Yan yan sounds HORRIBLE.
13) Jeremy stays at East Coast and thats so freaking far.
14) Jeremy has a very tall sister and I will have to climb on her shoulder to talk to her properly.
15) Jeremy is not Cantonese.
16) Bankers are evil.
17) Thus Jeremy is evil.
18) Jeremy likes coffee shops. I like aircons.
19) "Jeremy and Wendy are married" sounds SO CLICHE.
20) If we get married we would have to invite all the Nokia, Panasonic, Sony Ericsson and LG promoters. They would quarrel at our wedding and we will join in and it will be noisy.
21) Jeremy is fucking attached.
22) Jeremy doesn't like me (in that sense).
23) Jeremy's new gf is possibly Australian and he will get herpes soon.
24) Jeremy is just WRONG.
Thats right. I have been deluded all this while. The Mr. Right is somewhere waiting for me.
*runs along the beach with arms wide open and boobs swinging, complete with the translucent white dress*
Let me into your embrace, Mr. Right!
No more Jeremy. I can survive without him.
Next!
Hey, but then again I had this conversation with a friend:
Me: He is attached.
Him: Yeah, but a attached guy is like a goalpost with a goalkeeper. You can still score, just that it is more difficult.
*SLAPS SELF*
NONONONONO! Cannot be jian nu ren!
Ok, who wants to be my toyboy for the moment? Pay is a massage per 5 hours.
Audition 16/12/2003 at Teban Gardens. Dress up either as a fireman or pilot. Prepare self photo and resume. Auditions will include (pole) dancing and stripping. Perferable to look like Jeremy, if not, Orlando Bloom. Leave a comment for audition details.
Ugly people need not apply. It a cruel world.
Readers are encouraged to give Jeremy a smack on the head when seeing him in public. Shout loudly, "I READ XIAXUE'S BLOG AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT TO NOT LIKE HER!"
Readers are also encouraged to tell Jeremy what he is missing out on in the comments box. Just the good stuff. He knows about the bad stuff already, plus I will delete evil comments anyway.
Oh yeah. To make me a wee bit happier, please vote for me here if you haven't already did it?
-There is life besides Jeremy. There is mahjong.-
Alright time to turn up the speakers I uploaded a song for Jeremy and all of you are supposed to SING ALONG!
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby
I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You...
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is You
All I want for Christmas is you baby
I love you, Jeremy!!
*****
Santa, if you don't wanna gimme Jeremy coz he is too sucky, you can get me a burberry pink muffler as a substitute. I don't mind.
Or a pink Dior bag.
Or a new 8910.
Ok I decided I don't only want Jeremy for christmas.
