When I was younger, someone posted this question to me.

She asked, "Wendy, what do you think is the most beautiful thing on Earth?"

At that point of time, I realised that I cannot give her my answer because there are so many different beautiful things, such as the sea, such as the rainbow, etc. I can't make up my mind.

I asked many people this question, and the most common answers are invariably the sea and the sky.

WHY! Blue stuff are ugly. I hate blue.

I asked my mum and she said its diamonds.

One guy gave me a sweet answer: "Women."

June said its herself.

I'm kidding.

But anyway, as I get older, I realised what my answer would be.

It is an orgasm.

An orgasm is so beautiful because of so many reasons. It is the most powerful (or maybe sensational) form of love, it is also mostly rare for women (Bloody selfish men!), and it is one thing that has almost no bad side effects! Most of the time it is free too.

Orgasms fill people with endorphins. Endorphins make people happy.

See, when you are happy, you make everybody around you happier too, except your enemies, but of course seeing your enemies seething that u are happy will makes you happy as well, so you get even happier and ur enemies get angrier and the nice cycle goes on.

When you are happy you laugh alot and suddenly everything seems more beautiful. The world is disease-free! Dolphins are playing, the grass is green on every side, and daffodils are blossoming everywhere! What a wonderful world!

When you are filled with endorphins, people of the opposite sex are attracted to you because of the scent you emit. This is scientifically proven. So when people of the opposite sex are attracted to you, you get praises. Praises make you more confident. When you are confident you can attract more people.

An orgasm also helps you lose some fats. Now thats cool too because you will look better, unless you don't have any fats to minus from, but I don't talk to skinny people so thats their business.

Orgasms are also a form of exercise. Exercise makes you radiant and healthy. Healthy and radiant people get more suiters. Orgasms also prevent cancer and acne. Yeah right. No it doesn't.

But then... you have a truckload of people to choose from, and you pick the best, in which hopefully you can get more (and more and more! and better! longer-lasting!) orgasms from.

The "best" chosen person continues to be attracted, and he also feels that u are terrific because there are so many other people attracted to you so he must be so lucky. He doesn't know its because of him that so many people like you of course.

Lets see on the other hand how things will be without orgasms.

People can smell desperate-ness from a mile away. When u portray yourself to be desperate, you don't get sex. No sex=no orgasms. Then you become more desperate. Then it can be smelt from 2 miles away. Desperation=no sex. Then you get frantic. = no sex. Then you finally die. Life is not worth living.

In conclusion, an orgasm in the most beautiful thing on earth.

You may disagree, but thats your business. You need more orgasms to prove me correct.

Speaking of changing other people's opinion, today I worked with this really smart girl at Tiger Beer called Qingwen. We were speaking of some conflict between me and Bobby (never you mind!) and she gave me this little piece of advice, which I found was really good. She said,

"Bobby is very egoistic. Whenever you disagree with him, its like telling him in the face "YOU ARE WRONG". And whether its wrong or not, is almost always a matter of opinions.

And opinions. There are 1001 opinions everywhere. You have yours and I have mine, and what you do stand to gain to make me change my opinion to become yours? Nothing right? So just leave him as he is, even if you know he is wrong."

I shall learn to do that.

So anyway, back to orgasms.

If only I could bottle and sell orgasms, I would make millions!! How much will an average person pay for a mind-blowing thigh-throbbing spasm-inducing Endorphin Rush? $50? Depends on how long it lasts?

Imagine this! In the future, at the bus stop no one smokes anymore. They all do Wendy's big Os. Wendy's Big Os has no evil side effects while smoking causes lung cancer. Smoking makes your teeth yellow. Wendy's make you look beautiful and attractive.

People mix Wendy's with some other chemicals and it becomes an Orgasm so strong its made illegal. Thats known as drugs. No one takes heroin anymore.

Most unfortunately no one will have sex anymore, but the world is facing doomsday soon isn't it? Or maybe I can sell the Big Os in Small Os form, so people still have sex for the real thing.

Now the problem is how do I manufacture orgasms?

Yawnz. I have got to do my project.

Laters, people.

Meanwhile, I would like to say that I am on a roll. I will tell u all when I'm all prepared. =D

Good day!

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Oh no the spoof has been updated!! Please don't read it!! Eddy is EVIL!!! The spoof! Oh it ruins my life! Some people hate me!!!

BTW there are some pretty smart spammers writing on the tagboard, so anything that sounds ridiculous is not by me. I'm keeping the taggie there in case blogger fucks up on me again and thats the only way I can edit the site.

(Oh yeah to those dumbos who still don't get it, the SPOOF IS WRITTEN ENTIRELY BY ME. Yes, gasp all you want. I think its pretty well done. I laugh everytime I read it myself.)

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For those who have been checking back these few days, I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. I understand how that feels, coz being the Maddox addict I am, I often check out to his site to find its still the exact same post, and I feel like whacking him.

But of course I can't do that coz he has giant balls and he might hit me with them. I am scared.

But thats not the point of course. The point is why I can't update these few days.

This is because

1) Everyone else reading blogs will be reading about other people's chinese new year shit and I don't want to bore you more but telling you what a smashing new year I had, besides losing $30 to the Jie (pronounced as G) family yesterday and very stupidly shaking their hands at the end of the day saying,

"Gong xi fa cai!! Zu ni feng du bi ying!", which roughly translates to me wishing they will win everytime they gamble. The only problem is that most of the time they gamble with me.

Huifen gave a little grimace when I said that. She possibly thinks "Can't say the same for you!", but never mind.

2) All the bullshit aside, the real reason why I didn't blog is because my uncle formatted my computer. Its rude and mean to speak badly of people, but I shall do it anyway because you guys don't know my uncle and if you were me you will boil too.

See, some time a few weeks ago my computer had no less than 79 viruses. Yes, its a freaky amount. I was totally appalled and told my mum about it, and being the typical auntie she is, she freaked out too. I told her I would get a com expert friend to come to our place to help sort it out, but I don't think she believed in an average pimply teenager to handle the 79 formidable viruses.

One fine day, I awoke to my uncle sitting at the com desk. In replacement of the typical look of the computer was the big shiny blue buttons of windows XP instead of our old 98.

I got totally freaked out, and asked him, "YOU FORMATTED THE COMPUTER AH??!"

He said he didn't, and he was merely changing the OS, coz my mum complained to him that there are a lot of viruses.

Now thats fucking stupid.

He changed the OS coz he wanted to uninstall all the programs, so that whatever virus is there will be uninstalled as well. The obvious error is that the viruses files will still be in the computer! They will come back no matter what OS we have! DUH!

I have no idea why middle aged men have to act like they are damn good at computers when they are obviously NOT. It really really pisses me off.

Another uncle, for example, is just another average joe who can operate Word ok. He thinks he is damn good at computers. My mum trusts him more than she trusts me, just cos he is older, and he is a guy.

But he is really deluded. He used to tell my mum that our computer kanna virus because I have a wallpaper.

WHAT THE *TOOT*?!!

A fucking .jpg file can cause a freaking virus??! Thats the first time I heard such things. Its pure, untreated, organic bullshit. With that my mum forbade wallpapers on my computer, which was the start to a lot of quarrels.

Mum "Wallpaper again! How many times must I tell you??!"

Me: "Please lor its just a picture file! No virus one la! How can a picture coming out from my digicam have a virus??! You please don't listen to uncle's nonsense la! He thinks he is damn good but he doesn't know anything lor!"

Mum: "You don't put it will die is it?"

Me: "Thats not the point mah!"

Mum: "Yeah maybe it doesnt cause the virus, but cannot just play safe and don't put it meh? Just to make me happy can or not?"

Me: "Then put the stupid clouds can, put my pictures cannot?"

Mum: "That one is already in the computer what!"

Me: "My picture also already in the computer what!"

Mum: "Just take it off."

See? Stupid uncle's fault.

He also thinks that by having irc in the computer, you will automatically get viruses. And of course he told that to my mum as well. He doesnt know that in irc you will not get files unless you accept them, and of course I wouldn't be so dumb as to accept mysterious files.

The previous times my com got viruses, he used to come and give it a cure, by using his norton antivirus disk.

-_-||

He will make it a big deal, like its really troubling him, and can I please stop putting wallpapers because it keeps causing viruses, and stop using IRC.

It really pisses me off. Operate a fucked up norton disk?? I can do that too! Duh! It not that difficult, why must he act as if he just went to the moon and he is the only rare expert that can do that?

And because he is perpetually grouchy, my mum gets very nervous whenever our computer has some problems, because she would have to face him again.

So anyway, this time she got another uncle to come. This uncle is slightly better. At least he doesn't think that wallpapers causes viruses.

But he thinks that changing the OS can curb viruses from ever coming back.

So anyway, he changed the OS and said that he is not free to complete the thing today, coz he only created one user, which is for my mum.

I was still very traumatized because I realised that all my programs are gone, and I don't have any idea where all my installer discs are.

At that point of time I told him to come format the com for me, coz its really too full of rubbish. After I copy all my files of course.

After this, I discovered www.trendmicro.com coz a friend told me about it. The free virus scan helped me delete all the viruses, so now there is no need to format it already. I met the uncle during my grandpa's birthday and I told him that there is no need now to format my com for me.

But he didn't give any credit to what a little teenage girl says of course.

I saw him sitted at the com around a week ago, when I just woke up. My mum was doing her stuff.

I asked him gleefully whether he is creating another user for me?

He said he formatted the com. All the fucking files are GONE!!!!

MY god! My hundred over pictures! My word documents! My blog templates! ALL FREAKING GONE!!!

I immediately looked at my mum and asked her why she asked my uncle to come and do this when she didn't even TELL ME? She is always like this lor! She didn't give a shit about my opinions just coz I am a kid to her! She will think, "What important things can Wendy have in her com? Its just the normal nonsense la... Nothing important that will affect her life."

My mum said that she didn't know about my uncle coming to format it.

I found that impossible. Then who opened the door for him, huh? I proceeded (rather loudly I might add) to remind her of all the things that I have lost; all my pictures, my school work, my links etc. All these cannot ever be retrieved back you know?!

With this I stormed into my room and slammed the door, and proceeded to cry my heart out. All my pictures!!

Outside, pandemonium was happening. My uncle shouted at my poor mom too. He is a fucked up asshole.

He said, "How can you allow her to speak to you like this? She is very rude you know?! Wah, I come here to help her (I already said I don't need your freaking help, bastard. Thanks but no thanks!), and i still cause my sister to get shouted at like that ah! (Yeah you are right I should have shouted at you and kicked your balls.) I can do anything for you you know, cause you are my sister, but I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING FOR HER!"

With that he dramatically slammed my door and stormed out.

WHAT THE FUCK??!

Why is he shouting at my mum like that??!

And surely it is all his fault?! How can he just come to people's house and format people's computer without prior asking?? Its totally rude! The computer is not his, not his to delete anything he likes! And now I am upset about all my pictures gone. Do I not have the rights to be? And if I were a little bit ruder, I would have scolded him too, but I didn't do it.

He deserves a prod in the ass with a bloody pussy willow. Against the grain. Again. And prodded again! Again! Repeat! Burn the pussy willow and prod it once more. Ok enough.

My mum came into the room to find me sobbing with my face in my hands. She softly said she is sorry, coz she went to the market after my uncle came, and she did not know that I have not saved my files yet as I have told her before that I wanted to format the thing.

I told her never mind la, what is done is done lor...

So the point is, after the very long digression, that I have not yet found the installer disk for my camera, so I cannot upload all the 48 photos that I wanna show you all. Thats really sucky.

And without the photos, I refuse to blog.

Soon. I promise. When I am less lazy I would get my ass off the couch and go find it. I think its in the box.. Haha...

Alright. Hope you all have a happy new year!

*****

June, to Gwenne: "Yadda yadda Tampines yadda yadda."

Me: "Huh?? Whose penis?"

June: "Not everything is about sex you know?!"

Oh she needs an orgasm. LOL

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Why people are so stupid to think that I should be insulted by the spoof, when its entirely written by myself in the name of a fictitious character, really baffles me.

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Oh my holy shit I am so freaking dead.

I have COMPLETELY forgotten that today is the 24th of January 2004, which is also the test date for my SATs.

I only knew around 10 minutes ago in Alvin's car when I was complaining that my SAT is coming up, and when he asked when, I said 24th, which somehow, in some delusion, I thought would be in another say.. TWO WEEKS or so?

But no. Its today. I have not studied, I have no idea what the hell an SAT paper looks like, and I don't even have 2B pencils. Oh wait, think I stole a few from Ritz (Bloody cheapo yes). But heck, I paid $80, and I must take a chance.

Wish me luck people. I would really love to blog on, but I am too busy biting my nails off and typing with one hand is really difficult.

-Pray for me, I need it.-

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Have been busy the past few days, thus no blogging, and suddenly, its CNY again!!

I swear I will smash the next TV which goes "Chun lian hong! Chun lian hong!". But actually I wouldn't coz I secretly like that song.

But thats not the point.

The point is, I got lots and lots to blog about, and I will do it on my clie tml, while other people are busy attacking food and chatting with useless small talk...

I hope everyone has a happy happy new year, and collect much more angpow money than Adryan, who is by far the person I know with most, averagely 700 bucks. Lucky git.

If you are a parent then I hope you have very normal looking ang pow packets so that even when you give very little money no one will remember its you.

=D

Ba kua here I come!!

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Just won $6 in mahjong. Yaaay!

Me: "I hate people who patronise me. I hate it when people are too lazy to answer so they just say 'I don't know.'"

Alvin: "Why?"

Me: "I don't know la. Just don't like."

Alvin: -__-||

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