Singtel Blog Competition, dated 23 March 2004
Sometimes I feel like I'm spoiling you all.

Now the time is 1:46 as I am writing this, and tomorrow I've got to wake up at 10am to accompany Benjamin to go to an Australian study fair. At first I thought going to the fair would be an aid to me, but I decided to work for the red cross society at scakoslovkia instead of going to uni, whatever that country's spelt.

I think countries with unspellable words ought to be sunken deep into the ocean, never to see light again.

Back to my point of spoiling you all. Why am I blogging at this vampiric hour?!

Because you guys asked me to. And also because I love reading comments of course. Fresh comments anyway. The BC issue is getting stale, isn't it?
Lets bring the topic back to ME.

Lets talk about how, unlike you all, I've got the best job in the world. Nope, I'm not Posh Spice (ie best job=fcuking beckham everyday), but I really lllove being a journalist!

For those of you who managed to get your hands on a copy of TODAY (Get your copy today! Its free!), you perhaps would have seen this:


Yeah, wtf is that?

AHA!


Written by yours truly, though that byline photo is fugly.

And whats ironic is that Mr Brown, whom I narrowly won in the Best Asian Weblogs contest is 3 pages in front of me, with the humour column he writes for TODAY.

So techically speaking, TODAY has recruited the two best bloggers in Singapore to work for them, although of course I can't compare myself to Mr Brown who is a really seasoned writer. he's very funny, you guys should read his website.

*****

I was assigned to attend the press conference of Marie France Bodyline, where they flew Christy Chung and Rosamund Kwan (Guan Zhi Lin) into sunny Singapore.

I can't say that the stars are not nice (they are, especially Christy, she's really cute and spontaneous), but I sincerely felt there was something wrong at the press conference.

The repeated harping on the weight issue made me cringe in my seat, and yes, as you had read, regret eating that custard puff. What was left out from my article was this conclusion I drew:

Rosamund keep repeating how she looks like a pig when she was fat, and how upset she felt etc. True enough, she was a little on the plump side, but if she's a pig, then surely everyone else is too.
I'm not sure how fat reporters in the room felt. I feel like slapping her and exclaiming, "Fcuk you there's nothing wrong with a bit of spare tyre!" but hey! I just realised that I don't need to account to her at all! Why is she making me so indignant about being fat? (I know tons of people are going to say I'm not fat, but looking at Rosamund's bamboo arms I can hardly believe that. I would look like a fat smelly hobbit standing next to her.)

Which is why I chose to stand next to Christy instead.



Damn that digression. And guys??! EYES HERE HELLO, not on Christy's boobies.

Alrighty are you ready?!

I think that slimming centres are taking away females' confidence with their stupid made-believe-to-be-perfect bodied models and then when we are all traumatized... sell it back to us again.

How cool is that? Its a damn smart idea! Snatch something away, and then ask you to pay to get it back, when the thing belongs to you in the first place.
Perhaps it can be argued that without slimming centres fat females possibly felt insecure anyway, but I'm sure the numerous slimming advertisements on TV enforces pretty strongly that slim is good.

There is something very wrong with the system isn't it? Never mind that.

What if someone takes away our oxygen one day, bottles it up, and told us that if we buy 5 we get 1 free?

Alright I said never mind already. More photos:



OMG Allan Wu's _expression is so fcuking funny that I cannot get the picture out of my mind!! Wa ha ha ha ha look at his photo. Now close your eyes (although if you close ur eyes u can't read this). Can still see him there right? Haha he will traumatize you for life!!



If you ask me, I think they look positively in love.

*****



I went to the Cleo's 50 eligible bachelor party. It was quite okie, except for one thing.

I don't like the female model in the poster.



















Yay way better.

*****

You guys are so gonna KILL me because I went for the Fan Meeting Session for BAE YONG JUN and guess what? I forgot to bring my camera. How cool is that?

Here's a photo anyway, just because I'm new in my job and I'm damn hao lian.


*****

As if the above are not enough proof to show that my job really rules, here's more:


Freebies!!!

*****

Do you wanna hear my *low and sexy (see me, myself and I)* voice? You do?

Check this out!

Do you understand Mandarin? Even if you don't, it doesn't matter. Just tune in to hear anyway. I'm being interviewed on radio!

Which radio station?



RSI Singapore, and it will be boardcast on 23rd March at 8:30 pm on 95.8 FM. How cool is that?!

I'm sorry I failed to inform u guys about the 1st episode coz I myself forgot about it so its over now. Too late.

*****

To the people who:

Once commented that my writing sucks;
that I'm technically not a writer;
and especially to Metastasis whom very much thinks that he should win the blogging contest because his writing is supposedly better than mine, but in the end lost miserably anyway,

I say:

S*** MY C***.

Let me slap you all with this:



Ha. ha. ha. ha. ha.

Similarly, to all the blogders who were with me all the while, I say, thank you for your support (even if you just read and did nothing, for the worst to happen to a writer would be the lack of an audience, supportive or not.). I can't do anything much to repay you guys, but I would continue blogging and not let anything get me down, ok? Promise.

I'm done with today's blog entry peeps.

Tell me what you think. =D

(Just in case anyone thinks I'm boosting I'm not. I'm just an intern. But no matter what, I got chosen to go there because of my writing, so to me, I'm really elated anyway. ;D And of course, whatever I write here is independent of my company's stand and would not affect my professionalism in news reporting. )

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Spicy Saga Part III, read I and II first

Apparently, I heard news... Guess what I found:

From Kirin's chatlogs:

06:31:38 Kirin � Babycin
no probs. love your take on xiaxue. quite true

06:37:31 Babycin
Hmmm i wasn too harsh on e comment hor? Hee!

06:38:32 Kirin � Babycin
too lax !! hahaha

06:39:10 Kirin � Babycin
she's just herself lah. A red hot chilli padi....hmm..yeah..perhaps i'm too harsh also

Yeah great Kirin. So you wished that she scolded me more? You loved it when people criticise and hurt me? You seem to be fine with me on the surface, and I thought of you as a real friend.

And from Aesvalone:

21:52:09 Aesvalone
i agree on ur take too!

I'm really disappointed Shaun. I seriously thought we were ok, during the mahjong times and everything.

Apparently some people are not what they appear to be yeah?

*****

Anyway, back to my main point.

Why am I always the slut/bitch?

Seriously, I think its just my style. I look like an evil person. In fact, I look like I kick little furry dogs for fun, and epilate people's leg hair when they are not noticing. If you stick a moustache (how do u spell this?) on me I'll be an exact clone of Saddam. Except shorter.

In contrast, other people seem all nice and innocent, which gives them the benefit of looking like the nice guy in every argument.

Its not fair, but its alright, life's unfair.

See in this situation, because I spoke what I thought (honestly), people think I'm mean.

The thing to consider is this: Who started it?

Is it wrong to defend yourself? Did I even comment anything thing bad about her at first? No right?! I merely defended myself, afterall it is not fair she judges me from a stupid blog (alright Kirin judged me in real life and he thinks I suck, but lets neglect that for a moment.).

Alright, lets be fair here and weigh the amounts of insults. I say insults, meaning personal attacks on one another. Adjectives, or obvious connotations of them. Stating facts do not count, eg: "you use wor in your writing!".

Round 1, fight!

BABYCIN:
1) You are nasty.
2) You should do some self-examination.
3) You are ugly because you are over confident.
4) You have got a bad attitude and you wouldn't go far in life.

XIAXUE:
1) You are serious and serious people irk me!
2) You blabber.
3) Your thoughts are not in logical points.
4) You are too old to be called a freaking baby.
5) You traumatize people with bad grammar.

Things Xiaxue did to deserve it: 0

Round 2, fight!

BABYCIN:
1) You are NOT HOT.
2) You blabber but did not get your point across despite the long ramblings.
3) You are obstinate.
4) Your voice is piercing
5) Your writing is pollution to me.
6) Your head is so big that the balloon is gonna pop! (*xiaxue gives a ??? look*)

XIAXUE:
1) You are incoherent.
2) You are siao.

Things Xiaxue did to deserve this: Round 1's five reasons.

Round 3, fight!

BABYCIN:
1) You and your readers are dogs barking.
2) Your thoughts are not organised.
3) You got nothing better to do than complain about everything around you.
4) You don't accept people's opinions.
5) You (bunch) got nothing better to do.
6) You are childish
7) You are a hypocrite
8) You don't know the alphabet.
9) You are too noisy.

XIAXUE:
-

Things Xiaxue did to deserve this: Round 2's two reasons.

Round 4, fight!

BABYCIN:
[Quoted from my comments link]
AGAIN! you ppl think its cool to have Xiaxue's bitchy, self conceited, big ocean hole slut attitude, why dont you try addopt it and see what the people around you think?

Yeah there are people in the cyber world that have such poor sence of humour and enjoy it (you bunch of loosers), but trust me, you wont get far.
I never said that its not right to stay quiet about the things you dont like, YOU LOT BLOODY MISSED THE POINT. HAHAHA RIDICULOUS! Didnt know such ppl actually existed! BUT no.. doesnt matter whats said now, you all are just to THICK to realise how immature you all are.

If I said its wrong to be opinionated.. would I be game enough to share mine in the first place? If you ask me, I'm more game than you, knowing you would get your crusty panties in a knot, I STILL SAID IT! XIAXUE HAS GOT A BALLOON HEAD!
Cinnamon Wright | 03.16.04 - 11:10 pm | #

****

1) You are a bitch
2) You are self-conceited
3) You have a vagina the size of an ocean
4) You are a slut
5) You are a looser (she means loser I suppose)
6) You are (to??) thick. A little fat around the waist I take it as.
7) You are immature
8) You have a crusty panty
9) You have a balloon head. (sounds quite cute actually I like it)

XIAXUE:
This is what I wrote in reply:
stupid BabyCin?? I have to use that adjective I'm sorry. No wait I'm not sorry. Nobody was even speaking about you, so shut up. I wrote this article (Taxi Drivers) long before I read ur blog entry. And, learn to speak English first yeah?

Plus one more thing, I couldn't be bothered to correct you on this. But I shall or u will keep yakking and yakking.

I didn't say I didn't like you speaking your opinions. I like the fact that you said that you felt, although its weaved with false goodwill. What I did, was merely to counter your arguments. See? The two are not mutually exclusive? *snaps fingers*

I hardly think you get what I'm saying, but never mind.

And my goodness. What atrocious English.

*****

1) You are stupid.
2) Your English sucks.

Things Xiaxue did to deserve it: 0

It is pretty obvious. But people still side her (i'm talking about the dreamdate people), coz I have many supporters and it seems like a big bully over her.

Well, its not my fault that she doesn't have her own comments link for her readers to support her. Its not my fault that my readers support me. Yes, my blogders may have said some mean things about her but thats their opinion, not mine. They are entitled to what they want to think, I can't stop them.

The obvious smart thing to do now would be to apologize, but that will prove Babycin right that I'm a hypocrite. I don't like Babycin much, and I don't see the need to force myself to make friends. Its condesending for both of us.

But I wanna stop this, coz its no longer funny if this affects my friendship with the rest of the contestants.

*peace*
If we see each other on the cruise, then you can laugh at my height. As for me, I'll just eat my lobsters. I hope there's lobsters. Oh gosh I love lobsters.

*****

Any other contestant not happy with me? You guys can trash it out you know. I thought we were fine. I did try to maintain a good relationship with you all.

If there's anything anyone wants to say, please leave a comment.

Cheers,
Wendy

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Singtel Blog Competition, dated 16 March 2004

- Spicy Saga Part II, read part I first -

Here is Baby (what baby?) Cinnamon's incoherent reply. I don't understand a thing, do you? :

Whos NOT HOT?! 16/03/04 07:45

Yah yah yah!!!! GO on.... shoot out a thousand bullets from your rose thorned mouth! YOu know you your self say so much and worse still at the end of it all... havent got your point across.... keep it simple gal!

??????? Yes Xia xue, nothing to you is valid, only your piercing voice is valid to you. Juz reading the things you write is pollution to my ears n my eyes!

I"m not speaking for me self either gal.... HAHAHAHA! You really got some attitude.....

I never said you were NOT NICE...(she did say I am nasty) I said YOU GOT AN ATTITUDE!
Clear enuff?

Whats it to do wid my preposal? Your a perfect example...
Its good to have confidence! Yes it is..but not to let their heads get too big for em......
Sheesh think the balloons gotta pop soon!! (She still thinks I'm really confident! *laughs*)

Lastly, if I were talking behind ur back...it wouldn be in my blog for everyone, INCLUDING u to see! and I would have concealed your name! DUH! (Nobody was talking about you talking behind my back. Don't understand English?!)

*****
Lets have a moment of silence people.

All I can say is:























SIAO.

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Singtel Blog Competition, dated 14 March 2004

Spicy Saga Part I

See I don't understand.

Why there are serious people on earth? Serious people IRK me.

But of course. Can you imagine if there are no serious people, the BBC would turn into a channel with the newcasters dressed like chickens to amuse. Which would be nice actually, but thats not my point.

I have wrote this time and again in my original blog (Have you seen it yet? No? Then don't, coz its down at the moment) about people who take me seriously when I am so obviously kidding.

Eg when I say: "I RULE" I don't really mean it. Alrightly just a little bit. But since this entry is for serious people I shall not kid.

When I say "I rule" I don't mean it. It is meant to be funny. I can't help you if you don't get it.

People say I am nasty. Well thats bullshitty. My friends know I'm a nice girl! I am filial to my parents. I don't beat people up. I give up seats to the elderly. I you were blind I would help you cross the road. I am polite and friendly should you ever get the chance to speak to me.

In the cyberworld I write in a manner which I deem is interesting. True enough, I'm about the frank-est person you would ever meet but so? Can't you take the truth? Would you rather I be patronising you? DUH? I may hurt some people sometimes but guess what? I'll rather do that than talk behind people's backs of course.

See Maddox. He may seem like a freaking bastard, let me change that, freaking funny bastard, but guess what? maybe he is nursing his baby dog back to health or smooching his roses as he lovingly sprinkles fertiliser. My point is, don't take the internet seriously. Everyone can bullshit here.

Yes Miss Baby Cinnamon, this entry is meant for you.

Sure took me long enough to read your blog.

And here are my responses, in bold. I'm not really sorry if it offends you, coz I just speak my mind. You should too, instead of dodging here and there. I don't get what you mean at the best of times.

*****
(Quoted)
3. Whats going thru some of these peoples head? Ok... this is nothing really but just kinda weird to me. Dont think she would ever read this...but maybe some one could pass the message, as it comes in peace ;)

TO sum up all my proposals....I believe some one has got what it takes, after reading her blog.

Yeah thanks but what has my blog got to do with your proposals?

If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that to learn to love someone, and I mean to really love someone, you have to love your self first.

Uh huh...

Now...whats this got to do with this particular girl?

I'm wondering too.

Well yes, she seems to have the right ingredients.... but... do you have to be so nasty? ( if you read this)

Right ingredients for what? Your proposals?

Give me valid examples to show that I am nasty, babe. Don't just blabber. In fact I think I'm quite nice. I gave a piece of my nice fish fillet to my brother.

Yes your a good writer, yes you are pretty too....and to top it all of, you sure got confidence in your self. Thats all good, but dont you ever sit back and look at yourself?

Why do people say cliches like "sit back and look at yourself"? Why not just look at myself? I'm not far sighted why must I sit back? But thats not the point. The point is, I looked at myself already. What do I do next?

Well I donno what others think....everyone has they're own way of thinking, or are people to afraid to say out what they think?

What has this got to do with me? Are you saying that people don't like me but they are afraid to say it? They must be so scared I beat them up then. With my incredibly long legs.

> Or is it like in school where sometimes its just easier to sit with the popular kids than the nerds?

What are you talking about? Quit mumbling and organise your thoughts into logical points. In case this is what I think you are saying, in my secondary school everyone is a nerd so yeah I do sit with the nerds. I love nerds. Actually, to be exact I just have this thing for computer hackers. WTF is wrong with me?!

As I said, Its good to be confident, but really, it starts to get ugly when that streak of confidence gets a lil too confident!

If you can't tell I'm kidding most of the time I shall let you continue being deluded.

Really girl, I like many others think you can get far.... dunno...maybe writing, or acting??

You don't have to say nice things to go with your complains so it seems you are a nice girl you know. If you have an opinion, be proud of it and say it.

I donno you...but I know you got some talent.... anyways, as i was saying....i too believe you can go far....but how far can you get with an attitude like that?

There is nothing wrong with my attitude. Once again, give me valid examples.

About me getting far... Hmmm... Not too bad currently. Check out my friendster page (its in Very Interesting Links (THEY RULE!)) to see what others think.

If you ask me how far I would go, I would shamelessly tell you this: Much further than people who have "nice" attitudes.

*****

There you go, peeps. I have said this many times, and I shall say it again. When you have people loving you, there would be people who hate you. When you die, its better to be hatefully remembered by some, than forgotten by all.

Thats why I shall the way I am. I'm being frank and truthful, but if people view it as a bad attitude, then I can say this: Fcuk off. Which actually proves them right that I have a bad attitude, but do I care?

Say this in a delighted voice after me: NOooooooo

I like the way I am now. I don't see whats wrong with my attitude, and thats not because I am being obstinate. People who try to put me down do not give me logical and valid arguments to why I should change. I would listen, if they manage to convince me with good reason.

Meanwhile, for Cinnamon Baby, I would like to say that you don't have to be so polite speaking to me, because I am not the kind who would patronise and be nice back if I got nothing nice to say...

Hmmm and I don't understand what my attitude's got to do with you. Don't even get me started on the Duh-when-you-are-twenty-you-are-no-longer-a-freaking-baby
-so-stop-kidding-yourself-and-acting-cute thing. I didn't do that, coz whatever you write in you blog is your business. Until you wrote about me of course. Dah. Wrong move.

I know you don't wanna be seen as a bad girl (oh no no, anything but that, no!), but I hope we can clear the air on this. Just speak your mind. I don't care. And I am not petty.

If you think I suck, just tell me. Doesn't matter, I still think I rule.

KIDDING.

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Singtel blog competition, dated 14 March 2004

This taxi driver pissed me off.

Me: Uncle can you go faster please I need to reach school in five minutes for my exam, if not I will miss it then jia lat already!

Uncle: You teenagers. Always like that. Irresponsible. You know got exam, still sleep until so late for what, huh? Then if you miss the exam don't blame people ok! Faster faster... I how fast also cannot reach in 5 mins.

Me: (thinks) Just shut the fcuk up and drive, fcuker.
(says) Well its because got exam thats why sleep late to study and then wake up late lor.

Uncle: Yeah then should start studying earlier and sleep early what?! So irresponsible! In the end miss the exam serve them right.

Me: Uncle you siao is it? Without people being late you think you got money to earn is it?!

Uncle: You say until like that I got nothing to say lor.

Me: True what.

Uncle: *stunned silence*

He continued the drive with a really black face.

*****

Stupid middle-aged uncles. They think they rule the world. Which they actually do but thats just a realy small handful.

Its not their fault. Its the stupid girls in Singapore's fault. Females have been taught to keep quiet about injustice, tolerate and admit its their fault when people scold them, etc.

It is one thing to be taught to behave this way, and another to actually listen to it. It is stupidity to blindly believe.

Everyone should stand up for what is fair and just, correct?

I used to behave in this matter. I used to think tolerance would solve matters, and people should all be kind and nice.

Oh grow up. The world doesn't work that way. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will.

I got molested one time too many, and decided that I will let no one intimidate me ever again. Bloody Bangalas. If they dare to touch me again, they will see what will happen to them. I will make sure they will never set foot in Singapore to touch our country's girls again. And their dciks will get severed in an industrial "accident".

Let me give you examples of why you should ALWAYS stand up for yourself.

1) That day I was at MacDonalds (I did not see Ronald Macdonald there, in case you are wondering. Refer to last entry) at Boat Quay.

I was in a hurry, and ordered some McNuggets to be taken away. $3 for 6 pieces.

It was horrible.

The exterior crust is supposed to be crispy and golden brown, but this one tastes like cardboard. It was hard and burnt. Gross.

The flesh is supposed to be juicy and somewhat crunchy... This one tastes like overcooked dry breast meat. The meat is supposed to stick to the crust of the nugget correct? But in this case, the meat was so dry that it somehow managed to be separated from the skin, like the embroyo of an egg, with a space in between.

I was traumatized. I have left Macs and I am very hungry!! I ate a piece and was comtemplating going back for an exchange. At this point of time, Eileen arrived.

"Oei the nugget taste like shit."

"Is it? Let me try."

With this, Eileen took a bite out of the nugget, mumbled something like "Its a bit hard lar" and finished one whole piece anyway.

So now I'm left with 4 pieces.

I decided to go back for an exchange. Shall not waste my 3 bucks on cardboard chicken.

Me, to counter girl: "Hey, your nuggets suck."

Cashier: "I'll change it for you."

Manager: "Whats the matter?"

Me: "Oh nothing important, just that the nuggets tasted really dry."

Manager: "Is it? I'm so sorry mam... We'll change it for you... Why don't you get your drink first?"

Me: "I didn't order a drink, I was in a hurry."

Manager: "Oh no no, its on the house don't worry!"

Me: "Oh you shouldn't have!"

Manager: "Its alright! We'll send your nuggets to you in a short while! Why don't you take a seat first?"

And I did. After a while, I was served the best nuggets in the world (all six pieces of them), accompanied by my free coke.

2) Ardent blog readers might already know this. My maid, while being in the lift with my brother, was molested by a bangala (what else can they do? Huh? Filthy hands built our houses). The bangala grabbed her hand, and tried to get fresh.

My brother, filled with angst (he was actually crying!), told me what happened and wanted to beat the bangala up.

My maid tried to pacify him and told him to let the matter go.

YEAH RIGHT LET THE MATTER GO AND LET HIM MOLEST MORE PEOPLE?! The next time it would be rape can?!

If the fcuking bangala thinks he can get away with it he is wrong. Coz he molested the wrong maid. Da gou ye yao kan zhu ren remember?

After a hurried changed of clothes and a visit to the police station, the molester was arrested. You can applause right now if you wanna.

He was sobbing in the handcuffs and begged me to let him off. The police just sneered at him. I gave him the "Why don't you suck my c*** instead" look.

His manager was called to the station and he was reprimanded in front of everyone. How cool is that?!

There are more examples of why we should stand up for ourselves (and others if they cannot do it themselves) besides free cokes and crying molesters, but I shall not bore you.

I digress.

Anyway, because of the way SG's females behave (besides ah lians of course, else the uncle surely kanna poked by a pointed comb), stupid middle-aged uncles think we can be bullied.

YEAH BULLY ME WILL YOU? YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET!



I don't care if he is elder. I respect him, but I AM STILL THE CUSTOMER HELLO! I'm paying to be driven to my destination, not to listen to him talk nonsense. Doh.

The day ended with me failing the exam despite me reaching there on time. How saddening.

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Singtel blog competition, dated 14 March 2004

Working as a reporter has its perks.

I saw Ronald Macdonalds a few days ago at an event.

I mean, the real thing, not ur neighbourhood one sitting on the chair looking stoned.

The fellow is really funny, and I swear it has nothing to do with the striped socks.

WAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH STRIPED SOCKS!!

Alright just a little to do with the striped socks.

There you are, the exclusive interview:

[Just kidding, its a casual talk with him (in case he sues)]

RM: HI! I'm Ronald! How are you?!

Me: Hahaha... Yeah I know you are Ronald!

RM: *smiles*

Me: Are you the real thing, or just another teenager getting paid for being a mascot?!

RM: I am Ronald Macdonalds!

Me: No seriously!! How many Ronald Macdonalds are there?

RM: Its only me!

Me: Yeah? I thought the last Ronald passed away or something. So you are new?

RM: *Startled and offended look* Rubbish! Passed away! I am here!

Me: WAAHAHAA... Alrighty. Trade secrets huh. How much are you getting paid? Must be not bad huh?

RM: *Polite smile*

Me: Ronald, did you perm your hair? How come it is so curly??!

RM: I am born like that!

Me: You kid me not! How come your hair is so big?! Why is it so red? Did you dye it?! How come the colour never comes off?

RM: I am born like that!

Me: Wahahaha.. Your shoes are so big!

RM: *Polite smile*

Me: So cool. Don't you get lotsa stares everywhere? Are you Singaporean Ronald? How old are you?!

RM: Oh.. I forgot.. Can't seem to remember... Oh dear...

ME: Stop patronising me I am not a kid!!!

RM: *Polite smile*

Me: So you must be Singaporean Ronald. Where do you stay? Ang Mo Kio or something??!

RM: *polite smile*

Me: Are you married? Do you intend to have kids?

RM: *polite smile*

Me: So do you like KFC?

RM: *Appalled look* (although it is difficult to look appalled through that thick white paint.)

Me: Wa ha ha ha ha Just kidding! So have you met Colonel Sanders before?!

RM: Well I met Chicky before! *Smiles*

Me: Oh cool! You spoke to a chicken! Hahaa... Well you know Ronald.. About what you said about there being only one for you around... I keep seeing lots of other Ronalds. Weird, they all seem to look very shiny and sit around on wooden seats. The one around my house seems to be there all the time! I tried to speak to him but he didn't answer me, so that can't be you, you are so friendly!

RM: Oh! Those are my cousins!!!

Me: Oh are they! They look like you, don't they?! How come that purple thing didn't come today?! Whatshisname?

RM: You mean Grimace?

Me: Yeah yeah and ah that bird.

RM: They are my friends! They couldn't make it today!

At this point of time Ronald had enough of my irritating questions and took out red balls and tried to pacify me with magic tricks.

RM: See now you see one red ball in my left hand! And tadah, it is gone!

- The press conference starts, end of conversation -

*****

Later on, I saw Ronald at the buffet table, piling fruits into his plate.

ME: HEY YOU ARE NOT EATING MACDONALDS!

RM: Yeah haha...

*****
There should have been a few more questions I should have asked him la, but there wasn't time.

eg:
1) Are you still a virgin, Ronald?
2) Whats your occupation?
3) Do you go clubbing?
4) If you had a pick up line, I bet it would be:
"If you were a burger at Macdonalds, I would call you.. McBeautiful." Wa ha ha ha ha ha ha
5) Do you take the bus? If not, how do you drive with those shoes?
6) If you don't drive and don't take the bus, how do you manage to flag a cab when all the cabbies think that you are a waving statue?
7) What do you do when you have a sudden carving to eat KFC?
8) Ha you look like a clown!

But anyway, Ronald gave me fantastic answers for my question.
Is that the best Ronald you can get, or what?



Ladies and Gentlemen, Ronald Macdonald.

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Singtel blog competition, dated 10 March 2004

Recently a lot of things have been pissing me off. I need to complain. So here goes.

I hate the rain. It has been raining for the past 11 years or so. Non-stop. My jeans are soaked, my clothes are soaked, and I have to get onto the bus which subsequently freezed the little water droplets on me to become ice. When I get frozen (and a little blue even) and I can't move, the bus driver goes "eh, eh, never pay money ah?!" and I feel like slapping him, except I can't, because I am all brittle and frozen remember? Can't he see that I am frozen?! DUH??!

Just coz he is dry and cozy in his bus doesn't mean that I am too ok?! DUH?!

When I manage to get my hardened limbs onto a seat, I start to think I am very lucky because afterall I am not in Pakistan having female circumcision. BUT I AM WRONG! BOY AM I WRONG!

I am haunted by stupid animations on TV Mobile!!!

Apparently the amateur animations done by the NYP students are being boardcast OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And again. And again. Its okie if it looks like it is done by baboons. Afterall they are just students (as if thats even a valid excuse).

But WHY? Why must they use stupid themes for their animations??!

For example, I saw this one which has this little girl sitting on a swing. She carries a brown teddy bear, and looks all rainbows and cotton candy. I expected pink bunny slippers but I suppose thats difficult to animate. I mean, should the ears flow with the swing, or against? Tough.

So anyway, this little girl's swinging happily, and suddenly, a giant hand whips out of nowhere. The music is so sucky that I fell asleep at this point of time, so I shall just bullshit that I saw what happens next.

The giant hand turned from a giant hand to a gay blue amoeba and called itself Qoo. It has a little phallic blue thing on its head as well, wonder what it is used for. Qoo started to push the little girl on the swing.. The little girl giggled happily.

Qoo smiled. Qoo smiled MORE. He started to get violent and push the girl so hard that her back broke. Qoo laughed wickedly and suddenly (from this point I woke up so the following is true) the little girl is missing and (make a wild guess!) the swing was left swinging alone with the fluffy teddy bear, looking rather forlorn.

I was thinking what this crap could be about... Could it be.. Selling swings which makes irritating kids disappear? That would be good.. Or teddy bears who eat up children and hallucinate that giant hands did it?

Well, the text came up at this point of time:

- STOP CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE -

DUH. Seriously. Whats the point?!!!

When the students came up with such a dumb theme, did they think:

"Oh.. I think I shall ask people to stop child sexual abuse. Perverts who molest their kids would go on the bus, see my animation, and decide that it is wrong to molest children, because oh look..! they will lose their childhood innocence and not play with swings anymore!"

Duh. If child rapists would stop raping, it is definitely not because they saw a sucky animation. These people are CRAZY (referring to the rapists). If logic and reason could get into them, surely they would not have started child sexual abuse.

If the producers were thinking that through the animation maybe a little sympathy could seep into the rapists' hearts, then surely the child's screams and blood would have done that long ago.

Alright then here is my lame attempt to stop child sexual abuse too:

To all the rapists and molesters out there, do you know you are traumatizing the kids and making them scarred for the rest of their miserable lives so can you please stop it.

There. Done.

I saw another animation of car etiquette. While it is pretty entertaining, it is nothing original. I saw another version of it done by someone else before. Doh.

Oh I got to get back to work, dammit. Gotta write up an article on why Disney On Ice is the best family entertainment ever. Will blog more tonight...

One last time. I discovered another thing that pisses me off. When I tell people I work for TODAY, guess whats their reply?!

"I work for yesterday."

Yeah right, I get that f*cking answer fifty times a day, can't you come up with something even more cliched?! Eh? Eh?!

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