Warning: SUPER LONG BLOG ENTRY. It's so long, it can be seen on the moon.
Warning: LOADS of photos (may I repeat, hosting courtesy of the generous and talented Mr Chester Tan), please wait for them to load.
Birthday celebration with Poly friends yesterday
Went to Marina South for Steamboat with June, Clara, Ivan (Clara's bf since sec 2 or something, gross!), Eric (who had the misfortune of sitting beside me so no photos of him), Ben (aka quikquiksilver if you haven't noticed), AND... TADAH! Androgenous Aaron~ Now don't you all miss him. her. HIM.
Clara cooking while June be the glutton. Look at Clara's face. She is disgusted to see you.
June and Ivan coincidentally wearing the same colour, pink. I suspect, this is because they know I'm gonna take photos so they might as well blend into my website's background.
WTF are those little black specks man!!!
COULD IT BE?? FLYING ANTS?!
Fucking things kept attacking Ivan (who happens to be closer to them since he is taller). So anyway, one of its members fell into my plate and died a happy fly after feasting on some eggs and seaweed (seaweed is Idris' favourite food).
Ben: Hiyah eat la who cares about the flies.
Androaaron: I have never seen smoke in my life! I'm shocked!
Ben's got with him a LIVE PRAWN hanging onto dear life by a mere whisker!!! AND IT IS GOING TO....
die. (Btw I think Ben looks very cute in this photo, ha ha)
The end of the steamboat. We proceed to.......
KTV!!!
Oh shit Ben caught me taking a photo of the guys... He is walking over....
"Don't take la!!!"
At the KTV. Alright, June look a little weird in this photo and if I post it up she will scold me so I shall cover her with a half-transparent pink strip. Tell me if you want it taken off, June.
It was a good day... Until....
*****
How fucking suay one can get.
First off. The KTV bill was supposed to be $58++, but it turned out to be $128, after adding the fucking fruits and wet tissues. So we all paid like $20 each?!
I got out of the KTV at 2330, intending to take the last bus home, which is at 2342. See, we were at cuppage, and I was walking to the 143 bus stop, so I passed by the MRT right?
Just a few steps away from the bus stop, I saw 143 cruise past.
HAPPILY.
I wanted to stop it, but I was seperated from the road by some bushes. I swear I would kill the bushes another day. Fucked up bushes!
Guess who I saw hiding inside the bushes?
(Just kidding didn't see them in the bushes)
So anyway I told them: "Hey you guys like a boyband!"
And they said, "We do? Then lets take a photo!"
Back to our story of how much bad luck I had yesterday.
I checked my watch, and realsied its only 2337, which means there COULD be another bus. I checked my hp, and realised... that its 2348 and my watch is slow. DAMMIT!
After this, I brisk-walked (which is difficult considering the height of my heels) to the MRT station, to realise that the last train has gone, and I have no money to take a cab because the last buck I have on me is spent at the KTV.
How cool is that?!
After this, Eileen, who was supposed to be at Zouk, gave me a tinker and announced she is at... CINELEISURE! WATCHING A MOVIE! WITH A FRIEND AND SOME GUY WHO WOULD SEND ME HOME!
Naturally I joined her.
The movie, already chosen by the group, is SUICIDE CLUB.
And Its the suckiest movie I have EVER seen. Thats saying a lot , considering I survived halfway through the chiong Finding Nemo II I bought from Malaysia.
Now, I'm gonna tell you all about the movie. It contains spoilers, but I bet I can't spoil the movie anymore than it is.
The movie starts of dramatic. 54 school girls, chatting away at a train platform, suddenly stood in a neat row. They held hands, spoke in a cute Jap schoolgirl voice (ok what else can they speak in ha ha ha ha), and in unison, rocked their hands back n fro, and when they bullet train approached, JUMPED.
Blood splattered everywhere. Meat flew. The only thing left on the platform, is a sports bag, very fila-like.
The bag contains a roll of human skins (rectangular shaped) from different people sewn together.
It is unrealistic how the train did not get derailed after going over so many bodies.
Now the fucked up story begins. 2 Policemen, one old and one average, are all out to investigate the suicides.
Next scene flash: Schoolkids in school. They were talking about the suicides and suddenly, one girl says, "WATCH ME DIE!!" in a boasting manner. The rest followed her up the roof top and stood before the latch, and held hands, rocked, and shouted 1,2,3, and really jumped to their death.
BLOODY UNREALISTIC. Fucking hell. There was no explanation why the cheerful teens would die like that.
The police found, as given by this anonymous caller called THE BAT, a website which has dots representing the death victims.
The Bat gets kidnapped by a siao guy called Genesis who claims to have killed the people, but its actually not him, thus wasting our time watching the whole Genesis-torturing-The Bat scene. (A whole 20 mins of my life!)
Songs by this girl-band called Dessert kept playing over and over again. Average age of girls in Dessert? 12.5.
200 more people kill themselves, some with stupid methods, such as putting the head into the oven. If people can die by putting their head into ovens, WHY CAN'T THEY JUST HOLD THEIR BREATH, HUH??! Huh??! STUPID.
Old policemen's children die (btw the people who die are all kids and teens) and he kills himself as well, after hearing this mysterious phone call which spouted utter nonsense:
"If you kill yourself you connection with the world still exists, so why live? And how are you connect to yourself?"
WTF? The fellow shot himself in the head.
In the end, its Desserts' songs which has a secret code when says "suicide". The phone will ring ala The Ring and you go to this backstage where your skin will get grafted off to form the human chain of skin. After that, you commit suicide.
WTF??! There's no explanation whatsoever to why the people would kill themselves. Look, the schoolkids didn't hear Dessert before they died?!
I WANNA KILL SOMEONE. I WASTED $8.50 on this fucked up show! AND MY LIFE! MY TIME!! WAH LAU!
The stupid show is unrealistic, has absolutely no meaning, no sex or boobs, no intelligence, no humour and worst of all, encourages suicide! I don't understand why it is even approved! I don't understand!! Why??! Why is such a movie here in Singapore?! My eyes!! AHhhh!
So please don't watch it. Boycott it. SPREAD THE WORD!!!
(BTW the lousy movie concludes my suay-ness)
*****
The guy who drove Eileen and I home
Yesterday, I watched the movie with Eileen, her best friend Xiuling, and another two of Xiuling's friends.
Now, I was pretty fine with Xiuling's friend, Jeremy, until the point of time when he was sending Eileen and I home, since he drove.
Ok, the thing is, he doesn't not wanna send me home. He promised XL to send Eileen home, but he expressed unwillingness to send me when I joined the group. Now, my home is a 5 min drive from Eileen's.
Seriously speaking, I understand that since he doesn't know me, he has NO OBLIGATIONS at all to send me home. I am no one to him. Whether I get raped or robbed is perhaps of no concern to him. But at 4am, you want a girl to go home by herself when its just a 5 min extra drive for you to ensure her safety?
Later on when we were going to his car, he told XL that he and Xiuling would go to Beauty World to eat, and Eileen and I can jolly well take a cab from there.
Ok i can understand that.
But since Eileen and I are ultimately broke, Eileen actually requested that he send both of us, can or not?
He said ok, so we went to Eileen's place, and Eileen has once saw a flasher below her block, so she is scared of walking alone. Thus, she told him to turn into the carpark.
When Jeremy reached Eileen's block and Eileen is gone, he remarked out loud, "Wah, she very lazy ah she..."
WTH?! WHAT A TOTAL JERK! WHO IS LAZY? You have a bloody car, and you don't wanna drive another 30 seconds, and you want her to walk all alone in the dark? Hello?
Later on, when he reached my place, I told him to stop outside the carpark (in case he grumble again). He actually said, "See, she better, she not so lazy."
WELL, FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU, JEREMY. If I get raped on the long walk (its long, around 7 minutes, VERY secluded) back, ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT.
I am so pissed, I hope his car gets burned tomorrow. People like that don't deserve to drive. Oh btw. Its a Honda Civic.
URGH. I am so angry.
*****
Pictures pictures!!
My goodness recently I keep having good hair days!!
I bought these sunglasses from This Fashion at a ridiculous price of $3.20. Yes, I'm a bloody cheapo.
*****
Hate mail
Now, usually I don't get much hate mail, but recently two has been pissing me off. They piss me off not because they are hatemail, but because there are such disgusting and uncivilised people on Earth.
Even if I get hate mail, usually I don't post them up because I respect the privacy of the people who give me feedback, even if its bad. BUT THESE TWO HAD IT COMING.
Hate mail 1
BY: Eric Goh, email: gohtzaniee@mac.com
Subject: XiaoXue? who da F*** is dat?
I think u r one hell of a bitch dat got absolutely nuthing better to do
in life. So u resort in spending ur time n writing shits like this.
Sorry this is my first time here and it will be my last. The only thing
good about ur site is ur pretty looking face that to me seems so
f**kable. The rest is history..
my 2 cents,
chill.
My reply:
I'm gonna publish this. =)
It might not be the last time since u might want to see it.
Thanks for sending me hate mail. Been long since I got one.
Eric Goh:
attention seeking SL*T like u sld be taught a lesson. How bot some s*x
education with me? Ill make u a happy bitc*.
My reply:
Oh yeah Eric? Or should I call you Egg? I wonder what your friends are going to be thinking about your behaviour? Bet they had no idea you were this disgusting huh?
And look at yourself, seriously.
I don't think I wanna fuck you. No thanks. YOU ALL TOO UGLY FOR ME.
And please, grow up. This is not mydreamd8.com. You can scold vulgarities if you want to, don't need to star star them like some kid, you are already 26.
Heres what his friend Rena said about him:
"He's also a very talented graphic designer,very creative and extremely interested in creating special effects on his own pics,haha! U shld know wat i mean?? Gals outta! Watch out for this S.N.A.G!"
S.N.A.Gs don't go to the internet to ask people to fuck him for making themselves happy bitches you know, Rena??
*****
Hatemail 2
BY: (Tribunary) Ben Tan, slk320sg@hotmail.com
Subject: YOU ARE JUST LIKE HER
u know wat.... alll those cotradicting remarks u made.... makes u so very gemini till the extend tat i seriously and strongly feels tat u r juz like her....
Original picture sent to me was with the penis and nipples of course.
i'm not saying similar physically but ur image projected to me upon comparison,juz like her physique...... haha
hope u get wat i fuking mean...
sorry to disturb and thanks if u do spend the last few seconds to read up my opinion.
kan bei
My reply
LOL... That was very funny. =D
Don't you realise your girlfriend looks a little like the transversite? Hahahaha. Thats a praise BTW.
I was thinking if I should post your picture up. Should I? Complete with your email and name? Or should I just leave Soyoung a message in friendster telling her your fucked-up behaviour?
Hey Ben, next time before you send hatemail, smarten up.
And last thing. You are fucking childish. Sending hatemail to silly internet bloggers who are totally not in your life at all. Nothing better to do?
You should know better, you are already 83.
Cheers,
Wendy
Ben Tan
oh no......... i guess u spent the few secs of ur life reading my mail and misunderstanding it........ by no imeans is my mail a hate mail.... i kinda like ur blog and i'm juz voicing my views and i guess i can't express well.....sorry
apologies
My reply
Note: I am very pissed coz I HATE PEOPLE PATRONISING ME
Ha ha very funny Mr Tribunary Tan. It wasn't too nice when I saw the picture. So you send females pictures like those huh? I think I WILL post it up (ur mail AND my reply). Ever heard of the saying "kill one and warn 100"? Yeah. Think I shall do that. =)
If you can't express well, DON'T EVEN WRITE. Kinda like my blog? You make me laugh you know.
Apology NOT accept. You are not sincere. You are just piss-scared.
And I'm not being mean here. If you apologize and say that you are sorry for being rude, because in essence I did not do any harm to you and I do not deserve the insults, I would have forgiven you in a jiffy.
BUT, where you went wrong, Mr Tan, is when you tell me you "kinda like my blog".
LIAR. I hate people patronising me. I hate people telling me such obvious lies and expecting me to believe them. What do you take me for, a moron? I may be a bitch, Benjamin, but I am not stupid.
Prepare to see yourself up in my blog in a few days.
(oh yeah. If you did not mean it that way, I'm sure the readers can tell, so worry not.)
*****
That sums up my blog entry for the day! (I think I wrote this for like 3 hours or something (with pic editing which took some time), my god.)
Here's some eye candy for you because you read so much.
I was reading July's archives.
Three entries down, and I think to myself:
I have grown so much.
Cheers. =) I no longer write the childish way I used to (to hate mail that is).
Heres a little preview for blog content tomorrow:
1) The KTV session.
2) How suay I was.
3) The suckiest movie in the world
4) Fucked up guy who drove me home.
5) Fire disaster at Cineleisure (complete with pictures, mind you, like the professional journalist I am)
6) One stupid fucker who sent me hate mail then pissed in his pants. (I will tell you why)
7) One more fucker who sent me hate mail (but actually added me as friend in friendster). Did I once reject his advances or something? *tsk tsk*
8) More, and more and more (self) picture galore!!!!!!!!!! Naked! *kidding*
Fucking gross day btw. I'll got to wake up for working tomorrow @ 545am, which means I am gonna sleep for 40 mins now. End work at 2pm, so I shall come home, take a good nap, and blog to my heart's content!
Newsflash: Somebody entered my site by typing spongebob squarepants + naked in google. SERIOUSLY. Necrophile is ridiculous enough, I can't believe we have a spongephile.
Shianux: I can't believe you have a "happy blogger" scrolling around.
Xiaxue: Yeah man it looks ridiculous, ha ha ha!
Shianux: I know.
*****
I am a happy blogger! Gotta celebrate my birthday tomorrow with my poly friends. Happy. =) (although my bdae is not till 28th)
As for my evil RV friends...
EK is becoming mad after her stressful law exams and she has been doing what she has NOT (apparently it shows in her tummy) been doing in a million years: JOG. Mad. Sports people are mad. I don't understand. EK used to walk leisurely beside me during 2.4. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?! LAW EXAMS MAKE PEOPLE GO MAD! SOMEBODY SAVE HER!
XF is having exams. PY is having exams and shopping for epilators.
Ghimz the Giam is screwing the tiger girls in his army camp, no doubt.
They are all not free for the happy (birthday) blogger. =(
Never mind, I can wait. =D
Hi World.
David Ngiau wants me to introduce to
everyone Chao Peh, whom he claims
is the best-looking dude in the
newsroom, as acclaimed by one gay
subeditor.
In case you readers are getting the frowny look coz you don't understand, my editor commanded me to write that. Private joke. Editors are weird people. *frowny look* Ignore this post please.
Alrighty!!!
*Clashes cymbals in an uncivilised manner*
Kachang kachang kachang!!
LIKE THE NEW DESIGN??!
Good news people. I have got a new image host from Mr. Chester Tan (domain under the same name). THANK YOU! And he doesn't even want a blowjob! Ha ha ha
So anyway, I was messing around with the HTML a little.
Yes yes I know... The sparkly marquee looks... erm.. a bit gay. But never mind la, I somehow can't make a space for my pic to be seen if the marquee is absent. My HTML not that great la huh.
If you were here since the last century or so, you would have realised that fucked up imagestation deleted my scrolling marquee of photos.
THUS, I REPLACED THEM WITH THE STUPID COUNTERS!
It looks so lethargic and funny. Stupid counter! Ha ha ha ha.... I think I might just leave it there if I'm any lazier.
One more thing: KILL BILL 2 ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY RULES!!! More about that later. Just go watch it. Its DAMN good.
May I repeat. DAMN GOOD.
(To those who went like, "Got change meh, first time I am here", I really wanna ask you... WHAT WERE YOU DOING EARLIER IN YOUR LIFE??! But congrats, you found me now. =D)
Dustbins and Loos
Ok before I forget, here�s a little piece of information I would like to share. In any case if you managed to swallow the 2850 words I wrote in my last last blog entry, you would realise that you terribly miss the colour of pictures in this plain website.
Well, for an infinite period of time, THERE WOULD BE NO PICTURES! Why? It's because, I realised with rude shock, that my stupid com does NOT HAVE A �D� or �E� drive!!!
WTF???
Since this is the case (no doubt the works of a mysterious hacker who hacked into my com to remove the drive out of spite), I cannot have pictures.
Now, the smart you would be wondering. What has having no CD drive got to do with pictures?
The thing now is, my Adobe Photoshop CS has expired after a blissful 30-day trial, so I plan to uninstall it and install it again, this time checking out the serial key first. HOWEVER, THERE IS NO D DRIVE! No photoshop=no photos. And I am too lazy to go to download.com.
As you guys would possibly have realised, imagestation screwed up on me. I found this burnt CD of mine, which contains all my photos! How lucky! BUT THERE IS NO D DRIVE!
So this website will remain screwed FOREVER until the mysterious hacker puts my D drive back in back, and hopefully as a bonus, throw in a DVD writer as well.
Anyway Camblog seems to be screwing up on me as well. I welcome suggestions to where I can host an infinite amount of photos without it ever screwing up. Please email me!
Ok back to our topic at hand, dustbins.
The one thing, which must have pissed everyone off when they are taking the above transport nowadays, would be dustbins, or the fucking lack of them.
Seriously speaking. If you have a piece of garbage you wanna throw, you would realise that there is no bin (AT ALL) for you to dispose of it. If you can find a dustbin in an MRT station, good for you. Please treasure it and sell it for a million bucks, for that must be the only dustbin in all the MRT stations. You would have to resort to burning garbage, and they would fine you.
WHY? Why has SMRT decided to remove all their precious dustbins from its loyal patrons like you and me?
Is it because:
a) Dustbins are smelly;
b) They are thinking of gathering all the dustbins and selling them at a high price to Sri Lanka by telling the locals that the dustbins are magic stones which can make rain and make crabs get caught easily;
c) They love people littering so that travel guides would stop saying Singapore�s MRT stations are like hospitals;
d) They just did it coz they hate us;
e) They just did it coz they hate us as no one is buying the products advertised on the MRT board which is MEANT to show us arrival time (like the good old days) but keeps flashing gastric products;
f) They have decided to retrench dustbin-emptying staff without realising that they would have to hire more people to pick up litter;
g) They suspect that people might put the dustbin over their head and pretend to be walking dustbins and thus refuse to pay MRT fares;
OR
h) They think that bo liao people might put bombs into the dustbins to blow up the mass amount of patrons in MRT stations. No doubt the *oooh! am I scared! * interchanges like JURONG EAST and Raffles place is in the most danger.
It�s a tough question which the majority of us would have difficulty answering. All the options seems feasible and logical.
The answer is H.
Yesterday, I was eating some Mos Burger while waiting for a friend to arrive. Just when I bought the burger, he called to saying he is two stations away, and I rushed to force the burger down, as being the good citizen I am, I will NEVER eat on the MRT. It is very rude indeed.
It turns out the two unfortunate mix of events caused me to finish the burger on the dot just before I entered the gantries.
Logically speaking, I used my index and thumb to hold on to the sticky piece of shitty wrapper while waiting for the train. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW STUPID THAT LOOKS?
I looked around frantically for a dustbin, but with no avail. In the end, I got so pissed with the sticky wrapper, that I left it on a deserving fire extinguisher. Why, I am a litterbug. SO? BLAME ME WILL YOU?
I can so imagine the fuddled old board of directors going into a meeting:
D1: Recently there have been reports of bomb scares in MRT stations. While the reports are bogus and harmless in essence, it is not good to have our corporate image tarnished. WE WILL NOT BE KNOWN AS A TRANSPORT SYSTEM FOR FEEDING BOMBS! We are here to provide transport for Singaporeans, amidst it being too fucking expensive, BUT SAFE AT LEAST!
D2: Yesterday you said you want the world to die, best if it happens at Ang Mo Kio coz that�s the hottest MRT station in Singapore. Actually I think its Clementi.
D3: No la, confirm Bedok, siao bo.
D1: ENOUGH! You guys are not listening! We have a crisis here! WHAT CAN WE DO TO PREVENT THE BOMBING FUCKS?!
D2 and D3: Wah lau you damn dramatic leh.
D1: *rolls eyes* The thing is, we cannot prevent the terrorists from taking MRTs.
D2: Can. Increase price lor. Terrorist very poor one.
D3: Yeah what makes you think so?? Osama very rich what!
D1: QUIET!
D4 ~ D15: * nods *
D2 & D3: Sorry lor.
D1: I think, since we cannot prevent them from taking MRT� ANYWAY SMRT MUST BE KNOWN AS A STATION WHICH IS NON-DISCRIMINATING! That�s why the xiaxue girl�s suggestion that we ban stinky ah pehs will NOT be accepted! Despite me agreeing that it is unfair to the durians. Back to my point. We must prevent them from putting bombs. I welcome suggestions.
D2: Can. Increase price of bombs lor, terrorist very poor one.
D3: Wah lau already tell you they rich liao!
D1: SHUT UP!
D4, meekly: How big are the bombs?
D2: Pamela Anderson�s ones too big to hold in one hand wa ha ha ha ha!
-D1 kills D2-
D4: Wow. Ok, as I was saying. They can bring the bomb in, but they must not have places to hide the bombs.
D1: Why? Bombs, even out in the open, can kill.
D4: If the terrorist holds the bomb in the open, he would have people trying to stop him. Even if they don�t, he has to sacrifice his life to have the bomb explode and kill the maximum amount of people.
D1: So we should get rid of dustbins.
D4: Why???
D1: They can put bombs in dustbins.
D3: It will be a stink bomb wa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
D4: They can still put the bombs in other places, like under the seats.
D1: Yeah but an exploding dustbin is far less glamourous than an exploding seat! Look, I can imagine headlines alright? �EXPLODING DUSTBIN IN MRT STATION KILLS TRILLIONS�. How gross is that for our corporate image?
D3: How about people who eat Mos burgers and have no place to throw their wrappers?
D1: Well, screw them. They can always leave it on top of the fire extinguishers.
-Applause�
We Singaporeans await, gloomily, the day when the dustbins will come back.
Loos
No, the toilets are still around, but I am talking about Beckham�s latest news that he has been fucking a Loo.
By the way, I think fuckaloo sounds damn funny. Maybe they should use this word for people who fuck outside marriages.
�So you think your husband is damn faithful? You are wrong! He is the biggest fuckaloo I know!�
So anyway, I am happy.
I am very gleeful when people in my top 15 shaggable list have problems with their girlfriends/boyfriends/wives.
After all, Beckham is 7th or something right?
Since Beckham has been proven to be attracted to less than posh boobs, I�m sure I stand a higher chance shagging him. Well, it IS a step closer! If Posh divorces him (which she most definitely would not unless David-I-am-freaking-rich-Beckham has a small dick but since Loo said she had the time of the life or something, Beckham surely has a respectable member), I would stand a higher chance of making Beckham fall in love with me.
I mean, look at loo! (wa ha ha ha ha look at loo) She is fugly! And old! WHAT WAS BECKHAM THINKING??
So anyway, here�s what I plan to do to Beckham the next time he is here in Singapore (which hopefully is in 1 month�s time so that I can tag along with the sports team to meet him). It is a very detailed plan of how I can manage to get him to *ahem *:
�Hi Becks!�
�Hi Wendo!�
�Its Wendy. But nvm. As I was saying, would you like to have sex, and then do the interview?�
�Oh sure!�
Erm.
Tadah!
Read The Full Article
*pssh* Updated Singtel Blog. For those who are not interested or have not kept up with the contest, you can skip it. =D
As for the blogging here? I will get it up and running in a while, maybe by midnight or something. Halfway done.
Love ya all!
*Updated* I will not be blogging tonight, just wrote a super long email to Singtel pleading them to do something.
