Heh. I dreamt of kittens shagging each other at the back of the car. They look really cute, fluffy and all. (note: cute, not sexy)

But WTF. Paedo-bestiality. I tried to throw them out because my baby walrus didn't like it. *confused look* Now where did the walrus come from?? And why doesn't he like kittens shagging?

URRRRRRGGGH!!! I think if I keep having weird dreams like that I will turn psycho.

More birthday blogging tonight with pics of bdae prezzies!! And tml is a press holiday! How cool is that??!

Updated: Have you been keeping up with mydreamd8? Click here, for I just spoofed PixiePosh. Fun. And easy. =D Go have a look, and leave a comment!

- Are you a 3 plus 2? -

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Hello everybody!!

Its a very important day today!!! Now do the bated breath thing. It is...............

SADDAM HUSSIEN'S BIRTHDAY!!

And mine as well. Can't believe I share the same birthday as that man.

Last year, I remember our class rep Chiat min very enthusiatically blabbered to me, "Yan yan, do you know that Saddam Hussien has the same birthday as you? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" and proceeded to laugh his head off.

Actually its quite funny ha ha ha ha.

*zip*

Birthdays aside, I would like some presents, please email me with your offers. (A job, cash, or a gigolo who looks like Bloom would suit me fine).

OK seriously, birthdays aside.

WTF is this called??!

If you happen to be in Singapore, the extremely clean sunny island with a lack of dustbins, you would possibly have eaten this before:



Now the question is, does anyone have any idea what is it called??!!!

I was talking to Eileen the other day about this picture in a coffee shop:

***

Me: I don't see the spaceship thing in my noodle, the advertisement bluff one.

Eileen: What did you call it??!

Me: Spaceship.

Eileen: What!! Its called a spaceship ah?

Me: I think so, everyone I know calls it that.

Eileen: Is it!! My friend calls it the "er duo" (=ear)!!

Me: *laughs hysterically*

Eileen: Really leh! She (friend) said that she asked alot of people what its called and no one knows, so she just call it the er duo herself.

Me: Its called spaceship la.

Eileen: Sure not, I'm sure there's a name for it.

***

Later on, we asked the coffeeshop guy what its called, and he gave me a name, but... ahem.. I er, can't remember. Ha ha ha...

Have you any idea?

*****

Penises

Now I've got your attention.

Warning: Entry is meant for female blogders strictly and male blogders reading it might be offended if they have a small genitals.


Very often, at least among my female friends, we compare penis sizes. NO, not that we have penises la of course (Frankly speaking if I do I would very much like to try a blowjob and see whats the big deal about it). But rather, our boyfriends'/partners'.

A very common problem would be this:

***
Me: Wah, with Adrian quite long liao ah... Happy not!

Girl A: Yeah. Yesterday we had sex.

Me: WAH SIAO BO!!! Good or not.

Girl A: Not bad lor *giggle*

Me: Wah... How does he measure up?

Girl A: Er... I think around *opens thumb perpendicular to index* this length lor.

Me: Huh... so long/short meh, you sure not...

Girl A: Actually, I don't know leh.. How to gauge lidat. Unless I see it la.. I also never use ruler measure. But he's quite average.

Shuyin: Well my boyfriend's one is fucking long. *kidding*

Idris: Yes its fucking long, 19cm. *not kidding*

Girl A: =(

Me: =(

***

Alright. The problem is not Idris' very elongated member, but this:

Most normal girls DO NOT take a ruler with them everywhere they go, so when they do wanna know/show how well-endowed their boyfriends are, they can only use their eyes to have a mental gauge.

Now, I've found the perfect solution to the problem. If only every women reads my blog, there will be no trouble telling people what size your boyfriend is anymore.

Courtesy of a friend who refused to be named, I call it the....

POWER FINGERS METHOD.

Now, me and this friend was having the exact same conversation as the one I fabricated.

***
Me: How long is Kelvin (name has been changed to protect his penis from being harmed)?

Friend, aka Lucky Bitch: Oh.

Swiftly, LB put out four fingers, and started to do this:







***

Thus solving the problem of her having to remember how long he is.

Now, this method is BRILLIANT. You might not have a ruler with you, but you most certainly have your fingers right?

LB's Kelvin measures a 3 plus 2, short form for 3 hands and 2 fingers, which is super impressive.

BTW, Kelvin is only 1.70m, thus proving my theory that short men are less fortunate wrong. Apparently my theory is still correct, except that I forgot to mention it does not apply to horses.

So anyway, back to the POWER FINGER METHOD.

In casual conversation one can say this: "My hubby is a miserable 2 plus 1."

In essence, I don't really think a 2 plus 1 is very miserable if you have giant knuckles.

Isn't this great, girls?

*To the men who are feeling very upset about this gauging penis thing and are possibly thinking of emailing me saying, "would you like men to judge women by their boobs" etc, well, screw you.

Good sex is possible without big boobs but good sex (I say sex) is impossible without a at-least-decent dick. So its ok if we mind small dicks.

Plus, if you are a 3 plus 2, you are not anywhere near complaining, are you?

Anyway, don't be upset la. This entry is just a joke ok? Penis size is not important to women, compassion/love/kindness is. (Yeah right).*

*****

Clothes

I bought super cheap clothes!!! Wah lau I cannot stand it!! So fucking cheap la!!!!

The following includes... 3 blouses at 3 for $5, courtesy of yen, and a This Fashion skirt @ $14.40.

I was digging thru the bins and found these super buys, not without much effort I would say.



I like this top!! I'm gonna wear this exact combination tomorrow man!


It's not very nice but it's wearable.


Ditto.

Wah so cheap!!! (Btw the yen shop is the one at PS)

*****

My first Bdae present


Cute ah!!! A nice mousepad from Happy House, City Link!!

Thanks, Hui fen!!!!


*****

How did you guys get into my site?



Let me die, just let me die.

Someone with black menstrual blood actually came into my site. MY Goodness.

Let's not go into how stupid people actually type questions into search engines and expect an answer.

And whats with all the porn man!! I'm changing the site name to something else, soon.

Read The Full Article

Its a happy happy day!!! The rain's just over and all's nice and crisp, no? Isn't this world beautiful? It's made more beautiful, but the fact that tomorrow....

I turn 20.

=)

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Warning: SUPER LONG BLOG ENTRY. It's so long, it can be seen on the moon.

Warning: LOADS of photos (may I repeat, hosting courtesy of the generous and talented Mr Chester Tan), please wait for them to load.

Birthday celebration with Poly friends yesterday

Went to Marina South for Steamboat with June, Clara, Ivan (Clara's bf since sec 2 or something, gross!), Eric (who had the misfortune of sitting beside me so no photos of him), Ben (aka quikquiksilver if you haven't noticed), AND... TADAH! Androgenous Aaron~ Now don't you all miss him. her. HIM.



Clara cooking while June be the glutton. Look at Clara's face. She is disgusted to see you.



June and Ivan coincidentally wearing the same colour, pink. I suspect, this is because they know I'm gonna take photos so they might as well blend into my website's background.



WTF are those little black specks man!!!



COULD IT BE?? FLYING ANTS?!

Fucking things kept attacking Ivan (who happens to be closer to them since he is taller). So anyway, one of its members fell into my plate and died a happy fly after feasting on some eggs and seaweed (seaweed is Idris' favourite food).



Ben: Hiyah eat la who cares about the flies.
Androaaron: I have never seen smoke in my life! I'm shocked!



Ben's got with him a LIVE PRAWN hanging onto dear life by a mere whisker!!! AND IT IS GOING TO....



die. (Btw I think Ben looks very cute in this photo, ha ha)



The end of the steamboat. We proceed to.......

KTV!!!






Oh shit Ben caught me taking a photo of the guys... He is walking over....

















"Don't take la!!!"



At the KTV. Alright, June look a little weird in this photo and if I post it up she will scold me so I shall cover her with a half-transparent pink strip. Tell me if you want it taken off, June.

It was a good day... Until....

*****

How fucking suay one can get.

First off. The KTV bill was supposed to be $58++, but it turned out to be $128, after adding the fucking fruits and wet tissues. So we all paid like $20 each?!

I got out of the KTV at 2330, intending to take the last bus home, which is at 2342. See, we were at cuppage, and I was walking to the 143 bus stop, so I passed by the MRT right?

Just a few steps away from the bus stop, I saw 143 cruise past.

HAPPILY.

I wanted to stop it, but I was seperated from the road by some bushes. I swear I would kill the bushes another day. Fucked up bushes!

Guess who I saw hiding inside the bushes?

(Just kidding didn't see them in the bushes)

So anyway I told them: "Hey you guys like a boyband!"

And they said, "We do? Then lets take a photo!"

Back to our story of how much bad luck I had yesterday.

I checked my watch, and realsied its only 2337, which means there COULD be another bus. I checked my hp, and realised... that its 2348 and my watch is slow. DAMMIT!

After this, I brisk-walked (which is difficult considering the height of my heels) to the MRT station, to realise that the last train has gone, and I have no money to take a cab because the last buck I have on me is spent at the KTV.

How cool is that?!

After this, Eileen, who was supposed to be at Zouk, gave me a tinker and announced she is at... CINELEISURE! WATCHING A MOVIE! WITH A FRIEND AND SOME GUY WHO WOULD SEND ME HOME!

Naturally I joined her.

The movie, already chosen by the group, is SUICIDE CLUB.

And Its the suckiest movie I have EVER seen. Thats saying a lot , considering I survived halfway through the chiong Finding Nemo II I bought from Malaysia.

Now, I'm gonna tell you all about the movie. It contains spoilers, but I bet I can't spoil the movie anymore than it is.

The movie starts of dramatic. 54 school girls, chatting away at a train platform, suddenly stood in a neat row. They held hands, spoke in a cute Jap schoolgirl voice (ok what else can they speak in ha ha ha ha), and in unison, rocked their hands back n fro, and when they bullet train approached, JUMPED.

Blood splattered everywhere. Meat flew. The only thing left on the platform, is a sports bag, very fila-like.

The bag contains a roll of human skins (rectangular shaped) from different people sewn together.

It is unrealistic how the train did not get derailed after going over so many bodies.

Now the fucked up story begins. 2 Policemen, one old and one average, are all out to investigate the suicides.

Next scene flash: Schoolkids in school. They were talking about the suicides and suddenly, one girl says, "WATCH ME DIE!!" in a boasting manner. The rest followed her up the roof top and stood before the latch, and held hands, rocked, and shouted 1,2,3, and really jumped to their death.

BLOODY UNREALISTIC. Fucking hell. There was no explanation why the cheerful teens would die like that.

The police found, as given by this anonymous caller called THE BAT, a website which has dots representing the death victims.

The Bat gets kidnapped by a siao guy called Genesis who claims to have killed the people, but its actually not him, thus wasting our time watching the whole Genesis-torturing-The Bat scene. (A whole 20 mins of my life!)

Songs by this girl-band called Dessert kept playing over and over again. Average age of girls in Dessert? 12.5.

200 more people kill themselves, some with stupid methods, such as putting the head into the oven. If people can die by putting their head into ovens, WHY CAN'T THEY JUST HOLD THEIR BREATH, HUH??! Huh??! STUPID.

Old policemen's children die (btw the people who die are all kids and teens) and he kills himself as well, after hearing this mysterious phone call which spouted utter nonsense:

"If you kill yourself you connection with the world still exists, so why live? And how are you connect to yourself?"

WTF? The fellow shot himself in the head.

In the end, its Desserts' songs which has a secret code when says "suicide". The phone will ring ala The Ring and you go to this backstage where your skin will get grafted off to form the human chain of skin. After that, you commit suicide.

WTF??! There's no explanation whatsoever to why the people would kill themselves. Look, the schoolkids didn't hear Dessert before they died?!

I WANNA KILL SOMEONE. I WASTED $8.50 on this fucked up show! AND MY LIFE! MY TIME!! WAH LAU!

The stupid show is unrealistic, has absolutely no meaning, no sex or boobs, no intelligence, no humour and worst of all, encourages suicide! I don't understand why it is even approved! I don't understand!! Why??! Why is such a movie here in Singapore?! My eyes!! AHhhh!

So please don't watch it. Boycott it. SPREAD THE WORD!!!

(BTW the lousy movie concludes my suay-ness)

*****

The guy who drove Eileen and I home

Yesterday, I watched the movie with Eileen, her best friend Xiuling, and another two of Xiuling's friends.

Now, I was pretty fine with Xiuling's friend, Jeremy, until the point of time when he was sending Eileen and I home, since he drove.

Ok, the thing is, he doesn't not wanna send me home. He promised XL to send Eileen home, but he expressed unwillingness to send me when I joined the group. Now, my home is a 5 min drive from Eileen's.

Seriously speaking, I understand that since he doesn't know me, he has NO OBLIGATIONS at all to send me home. I am no one to him. Whether I get raped or robbed is perhaps of no concern to him. But at 4am, you want a girl to go home by herself when its just a 5 min extra drive for you to ensure her safety?

Later on when we were going to his car, he told XL that he and Xiuling would go to Beauty World to eat, and Eileen and I can jolly well take a cab from there.

Ok i can understand that.

But since Eileen and I are ultimately broke, Eileen actually requested that he send both of us, can or not?

He said ok, so we went to Eileen's place, and Eileen has once saw a flasher below her block, so she is scared of walking alone. Thus, she told him to turn into the carpark.

When Jeremy reached Eileen's block and Eileen is gone, he remarked out loud, "Wah, she very lazy ah she..."

WTH?! WHAT A TOTAL JERK! WHO IS LAZY? You have a bloody car, and you don't wanna drive another 30 seconds, and you want her to walk all alone in the dark? Hello?

Later on, when he reached my place, I told him to stop outside the carpark (in case he grumble again). He actually said, "See, she better, she not so lazy."

WELL, FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU, JEREMY. If I get raped on the long walk (its long, around 7 minutes, VERY secluded) back, ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

I am so pissed, I hope his car gets burned tomorrow. People like that don't deserve to drive. Oh btw. Its a Honda Civic.

URGH. I am so angry.

*****

Pictures pictures!!



My goodness recently I keep having good hair days!!



I bought these sunglasses from This Fashion at a ridiculous price of $3.20. Yes, I'm a bloody cheapo.

*****

Hate mail

Now, usually I don't get much hate mail, but recently two has been pissing me off. They piss me off not because they are hatemail, but because there are such disgusting and uncivilised people on Earth.

Even if I get hate mail, usually I don't post them up because I respect the privacy of the people who give me feedback, even if its bad. BUT THESE TWO HAD IT COMING.


Hate mail 1

BY: Eric Goh, email: gohtzaniee@mac.com

Subject: XiaoXue? who da F*** is dat?

I think u r one hell of a bitch dat got absolutely nuthing better to do
in life. So u resort in spending ur time n writing shits like this.
Sorry this is my first time here and it will be my last. The only thing
good about ur site is ur pretty looking face that to me seems so
f**kable. The rest is history..

my 2 cents,
chill.

My reply:

I'm gonna publish this. =)

It might not be the last time since u might want to see it.

Thanks for sending me hate mail. Been long since I got one.

Eric Goh:

attention seeking SL*T like u sld be taught a lesson. How bot some s*x
education with me? Ill make u a happy bitc*.

My reply:

Oh yeah Eric? Or should I call you Egg? I wonder what your friends are going to be thinking about your behaviour? Bet they had no idea you were this disgusting huh?

And look at yourself, seriously.



I don't think I wanna fuck you. No thanks. YOU ALL TOO UGLY FOR ME.

And please, grow up. This is not mydreamd8.com. You can scold vulgarities if you want to, don't need to star star them like some kid, you are already 26.

Heres what his friend Rena said about him:

"He's also a very talented graphic designer,very creative and extremely interested in creating special effects on his own pics,haha! U shld know wat i mean?? Gals outta! Watch out for this S.N.A.G!"

S.N.A.Gs don't go to the internet to ask people to fuck him for making themselves happy bitches you know, Rena??


*****


Hatemail 2

BY: (Tribunary) Ben Tan, slk320sg@hotmail.com
Subject: YOU ARE JUST LIKE HER

u know wat.... alll those cotradicting remarks u made.... makes u so very gemini till the extend tat i seriously and strongly feels tat u r juz like her....


Original picture sent to me was with the penis and nipples of course.

i'm not saying similar physically but ur image projected to me upon comparison,juz like her physique...... haha
hope u get wat i fuking mean...

sorry to disturb and thanks if u do spend the last few seconds to read up my opinion.

kan bei

My reply

LOL... That was very funny. =D



Don't you realise your girlfriend looks a little like the transversite? Hahahaha. Thats a praise BTW.

I was thinking if I should post your picture up. Should I? Complete with your email and name? Or should I just leave Soyoung a message in friendster telling her your fucked-up behaviour?

Hey Ben, next time before you send hatemail, smarten up.

And last thing. You are fucking childish. Sending hatemail to silly internet bloggers who are totally not in your life at all. Nothing better to do?

You should know better, you are already 83.

Cheers,
Wendy

Ben Tan

oh no......... i guess u spent the few secs of ur life reading my mail and misunderstanding it........ by no imeans is my mail a hate mail.... i kinda like ur blog and i'm juz voicing my views and i guess i can't express well.....sorry

apologies

My reply
Note: I am very pissed coz I HATE PEOPLE PATRONISING ME

Ha ha very funny Mr Tribunary Tan. It wasn't too nice when I saw the picture. So you send females pictures like those huh? I think I WILL post it up (ur mail AND my reply). Ever heard of the saying "kill one and warn 100"? Yeah. Think I shall do that. =)

If you can't express well, DON'T EVEN WRITE. Kinda like my blog? You make me laugh you know.

Apology NOT accept. You are not sincere. You are just piss-scared.

And I'm not being mean here. If you apologize and say that you are sorry for being rude, because in essence I did not do any harm to you and I do not deserve the insults, I would have forgiven you in a jiffy.

BUT, where you went wrong, Mr Tan, is when you tell me you "kinda like my blog".

LIAR. I hate people patronising me. I hate people telling me such obvious lies and expecting me to believe them. What do you take me for, a moron? I may be a bitch, Benjamin, but I am not stupid.

Prepare to see yourself up in my blog in a few days.

(oh yeah. If you did not mean it that way, I'm sure the readers can tell, so worry not.)

*****

That sums up my blog entry for the day! (I think I wrote this for like 3 hours or something (with pic editing which took some time), my god.)

Here's some eye candy for you because you read so much.

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I was reading July's archives.

Three entries down, and I think to myself:

I have grown so much.

Cheers. =) I no longer write the childish way I used to (to hate mail that is).


Heres a little preview for blog content tomorrow:

1) The KTV session.
2) How suay I was.
3) The suckiest movie in the world
4) Fucked up guy who drove me home.
5) Fire disaster at Cineleisure (complete with pictures, mind you, like the professional journalist I am)
6) One stupid fucker who sent me hate mail then pissed in his pants. (I will tell you why)
7) One more fucker who sent me hate mail (but actually added me as friend in friendster). Did I once reject his advances or something? *tsk tsk*
8) More, and more and more (self) picture galore!!!!!!!!!! Naked! *kidding*

Fucking gross day btw. I'll got to wake up for working tomorrow @ 545am, which means I am gonna sleep for 40 mins now. End work at 2pm, so I shall come home, take a good nap, and blog to my heart's content!

Newsflash: Somebody entered my site by typing spongebob squarepants + naked in google. SERIOUSLY. Necrophile is ridiculous enough, I can't believe we have a spongephile.

Read The Full Article

Shianux: I can't believe you have a "happy blogger" scrolling around.

Xiaxue: Yeah man it looks ridiculous, ha ha ha!

Shianux: I know.

*****

I am a happy blogger! Gotta celebrate my birthday tomorrow with my poly friends. Happy. =) (although my bdae is not till 28th)

As for my evil RV friends...

EK is becoming mad after her stressful law exams and she has been doing what she has NOT (apparently it shows in her tummy) been doing in a million years: JOG. Mad. Sports people are mad. I don't understand. EK used to walk leisurely beside me during 2.4. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?! LAW EXAMS MAKE PEOPLE GO MAD! SOMEBODY SAVE HER!

XF is having exams. PY is having exams and shopping for epilators.

Ghimz the Giam is screwing the tiger girls in his army camp, no doubt.

They are all not free for the happy (birthday) blogger. =(

Never mind, I can wait. =D

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Hi World.

David Ngiau wants me to introduce to

everyone Chao Peh, whom he claims

is the best-looking dude in the

newsroom, as acclaimed by one gay

subeditor.

In case you readers are getting the frowny look coz you don't understand, my editor commanded me to write that. Private joke. Editors are weird people. *frowny look* Ignore this post please.

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