BYE nightie!
HELLO new pic!
Nicer? Or do you prefer the old picture? Tired. REALLY long blog tomorrow to replenish the drought, I promise. =D
The eyes look a little weird you think? P/s: I enlarged my boobs a little too! Ha ha!
UPDATED 3rd JUNE 2004, 12:53PM
Little news flash here: Got nominated here for yet another weblog award.
I am sick and tired of hearing criticism about blogging for winning awards, so I'm not even going to try to win this.
So what's my point in telling you guys about the awards? Well, I just wanna say...
If I organised a blog award thingy, I WILL:
-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH SONG LYRICS AS A BLOG ENTRY. SCREW YOU for wasting 0.05 seconds of my life reading the lyrics! When you go to other people's blogs, do you read their lyrics too? Huh?!
-DISQUALIFY... Come to think of it, anyone with songs on their blogs too. They scare my dog.
-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WHO TYPES IN PARAGRAPHS OF MORE THAN 7 SENTENCES. Weblogging is not Secondary school English compo, people have no interest to scour through chunky paragraphs. That's not the way!
-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH BAD, BLUR photos. Learn photoshop before putting up traumatic shots!
-DISQUALIFY ALL SILLY GIRLY BLOGS WITH star star cursors and flashing cutsy (not) gifs.
-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WHO STARTS BLOG ENTRY WITH "DEAR DIARY". Stop acting like your stupid paper diary is the only thing reading you oh-so-secret blog!
-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH TOO SMALL FONT SIZES. Singaporeans are myopic enough as it is. Especially if this one is in conjuntion with the 3rd point, I will personally kill the nominee.
-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH "I AM FEELING ____" SMILEYS. I just don't like it.
Blame me will you? I'm the Simon Cowell of blogging. And don't come hounding on me if (very likely) your blog contains one or more of the above elements. Those are just MY opinions. :)
In the end, I hope something looking decent and chic will win. And of course, with good content too. =)
*Waves to owner of cynics.info if you are looking at this*
AND YES. I know the owner spelt my name as XieXue or something. It's not funny. Don't laugh. -_-
Yes yes, I know I'm DARN lucky to get (not one but two!) Gmail accounts. It seems that they are giving it to only a very small portion of active bloggers - some people with a year of blogs did not even get any.
And lookie what people are doing!
I'm amazed. Selling Gmail. What next? And oh yeah I don't have any invites, quite bugging me!
More blogs later. I'm in the ghost town of Raffles Place right now coz I stupidly went to work without checking my roster - which states I should be off today.
How frustrating!
Meanwhile, I'm excited coz I'm gonna see her on Friday. =D
Hows the new template?
Changed the format of the spoof site and changed the FAQs site as well, can go have a look!!!
Meanwhile, precisely because I was so darn busy uploading my archives' pictures (for your viewing pleasure, mind you), I did not have time to blog, although I got loads to blog about.
Uploaded around 170 pictures, thus increasing my "average post per week" statistics to a gasping NINE entries a week. Can you imagine?!
I love my blog. It's so darn pretty now. *smiles in a self-satisfied manner*
Since you get nothing to read, I shall put in a nice photo for you to see, taken a long time ago:
Muahahaha. That's me and Eileen btw.
Love,
Xiaxue
It's 4.06am, and I need a boyfriend. =(
I have a confession to make.
I met this guy at a party last Saturday.
He is smart, he is not-bad looking, and he is obsessed with me.
I kinda like him too.
The only problem is... He is 42 - and fucking rich (not that that is a problem). He has this yacht which costs $2.2 million, and his bungalow at Sixth Ave is four storeys high.
In his Jag, I told him it is impossible this relationship works out. He is as old as my father!
He pressed a wad of $100 bills into my hands, looked deep into my eyes, and said that he would do anything to be together with me. He wants me to be happy.
I relented. I am so ashamed of myself. We had sex. And it was good.
He said he would give me time to think. The next day, he presented me with a cyan box. THAT TRADEMARK CYAN BOX that every woman wants.
Look what he bought me! It is just so beautiful....
JUST KIDDING!
Did you, for a moment thought the bracelet was REAL??? Like, true blue Tiffany & Co??
Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Fooled you didn't I??!
I'm a cheapo la! I bought the bracelet at an, ahem, pasar malam store today at a freaking low price of $14.50. Well at least it was SUPPOSED to be $14.50. At such a horrendous price, I still managed to lower it to $12!!! Can you believe it??! So cheap.
Isn't it so nice?!
Hey if you see me on the streets, don't go tell your friend that my bracelet is fake ok? *winks*
Hiyah I know you will anyway. Go ahead. At least I am honest. For half a blog entry. =D
On a side note, has anyone noticed that the MSN photos are very funny?
Besides the ostrich, I think this one looks damn funny too!
Ha ha! Look at his yellow eyes (one big one small) and refined cheekbones! Where got skull blue colour one??! And if you squint a little, you will even notice that he has a... RIDICULOUS GREEN TONGUE!!! =D
Xiaxue, out. (speaking of Idol, I think Fantasia looks... really ugly. So does the other girl anyway, so I shall shut up.)
I have been getting a lot of emails like this:
Xiaxue xiaxue! Your hair is nice, how did you do it? Teach me how to make it all curly wurly!!
How do I do it indeed. Whenever I receive mails like this, I feel like asking the girls to go read the archives and quit bothering me (I mentioned how I curl them before) but I realised that MY FUCKING PHOTOS ARE ALL DELETED BY BLOODY IMAGESTATION so I have to explain myself all over.
Which is pissing because it is not text-explainable.
So I always ignore these emails.
Speaking of ignoring emails, that day I was about to click this mail away (being the big bad bitch I am) but the final sentence said something like this: "Xiaxue ____(insert praise) and Posh can go to hell!"
Now that's one SMART blogder reader. I replied immediately to that mail with renewed relish.
Here's one email I received:
hello. i emailed you once before regarding uh, hair curls. i finally figured out how to use a hair curler, but my hair ends up looking like dried grass, plus it doesn't hold. i was wondering if you could recommend a good brand of
hairspray? i don't know anyone that uses a hair curler, so i'm asking you since you seem to have curly hair on some days and straight on others. help!
uh, and don't copy and paste my email onto your blog can? im very scared. i just want to have curly hair thats all, i don't want to be embarrassed.
thank you=)
Ok.
MUA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HA HHA HA HA HHA HA HA HHA HA HA HA HA!!! This email is so fucking funny!!! Why on earth would I publish that email and try to embarrass a good-natured blog reader?? I am not THAT evil lor! (Yes I just contradicted myself, shut up)
I copied this out anonymously, so I don't think its mean right?
I'm still laughing. Ha ha. Scared of good old me.
In any case, I shall be mean no longer and share with you girls how I manage to get such beautiful curls!
You are so gonna LOOOVE me. It works wonders!
Pre-requisite: Your hair must not be too limp or smooth, or it wouldn't work.
Shock factor for you if you have not been reading my blog since it's humble beginnings: MY HAIR IS REBONDED.
Here goes:
1) Wash hair. Wait for it to thoroughly dry, then separate it into half as shown.
2) Twirl hair and twist it into a bun. Circling the ends around the bun, put a scrunchie over it.
Like this:
And yes, your scrunchies do not need to be of matching colours.
3) Sleep with the buns. It may feel a tad uncomfortable, but you will get used to it.
4) Apply olive oil on hair to make it shine!
*****
The end results
Let me prance around showing how nice my hair is!!
(Note: The photos are VERY photoshopped! Shuyin, after seeing the original photos, said that I qi pian quan shi jie (lied to the whole world) ha ha.)
I look like a slut.
Tadah!!!
Great hair - all yours, courtesy of Xiaxue.
Tell me if it works.
*****
"Xiaxue xiaxue, your PSLE is so high! How did you do it?"
I slept with my teacher. Kidding. Pure intelligence.
"Who cares about PSLE??!"
Can YOU get four A*??! Huh? Eh eh? Can you?
*****
"Oh fuck. Twice a day. He is coming over again. I have the worst job in the world!" lamented the toothbrush.
"Shut up," said the toilet paper.
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I told you my photoshop is good, I didn't say how good.
Let's look at one of the most awful photos I ever took.
Photographer: EK Wong (The initals to sound cool)
Location: Ghim Hui's house
Camera: Kodak non-professional 2.0 megapixel
Lighting: Sunshine + flash
Make-up/hair: Wendy C.
Clothes: Models' own.
Erm, Models: Feng (it's Xiao Feng but an asian sounding model name sounds modelish), Wendy C. (it's Wendy Cheng but C. sounds like I am Eurasian - Wendy Charlize or something)
Here is how Feng and Wendy C looks like:
Very normal-looking girls.
Now, before you say,"OK WHAT..", let me tell you that Wendy C.'s face has already been photoshopped, although to a minimum. That is because she has an amazingly big nose and a big pimple under that amazingly big nose at the point of time the photo was taken.
In fact, she airbrushed half of that pimple away so you can still see a little bit of it.
The picture is made smaller so that you would not have nightmares too.
Feng looks fine though - she is naturally beautiful.
Now the target: Let's make the models look like they are, say, Oil of Olay Models. Is that possible?
Ah. I see your skeptical look.
Gimme some time, will ya?
The stupid tag is in the middle coz I have this feeling some people might use the picture for friendster user pics or something. Do it! Crop us! XF (aka you!) will have no neck!
What do you think? Let's add some text.
Ha ha ha ha I am damn bo liao.
Click here to see the original picture.
I am damn good at photoshop. Got more blogs coming along tonight for you, check back again!
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