Urgh!

Wah lau! Such a fucking embarrassment.

Seriously, isn't this a super ugly photo?



I mean, compared to this?



Paraguay. Absolutely gorgeous.

Even Xiaofeng looks prettier than Sandy Chua lor, please.

How to even compete? Not a chance man!

Come to think of it, China's worse.



Will you just look at how empty that bikini top is??! MY GOODNESS.

AND THE BAD MAKE UP!!! She needs a professional's help.

With so many million people, is that the best they can come up with?? Atrocious.

Singapore can take heart though... It's not that bad...

At least our neighbour's delegate is.. I would say... much fatter.





Look at that tummy! I think someone has been eating too much Penang laksa (she's from there).

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Harry Potter and... Xiaxue's blog entry about him

I know it�s a tad late for this blog entry to come about, but since I took (and edited!) so many photos I may as well put them up.

Ok, first, I want to imagine my face now. It�s SMIRKING. I have this I-have-got-something-you-don�t Face which you�ll possibly feel like smacking. And then kicking. But I will still be smirking. *smirks*

This is because, MONDAY, which was eons ago, I had this:



�BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL!� I hear you scream.

It�s just a flimsy Harry Potter postcard.

WRONG.

Let�s open it up.



OH MY GOODNESS IT�S FREE MOVIE PASSES!

Still, so?

Maybe you didn�t look carefully enough. Here�s a closer look.



It�s the prestigious GALA premiere ok! I am damn hao lian because I�ve waited for Harry Potter 3 for so DARN long and I�m one of the first to watch it!! Yaaay!!



Watched with Wong the lawyer, who kindly posed for a photo beside the Knight bus outside Cine. It�s so cute! They had ang moh kids running inside the bus in black robes. And we watched the movie with the kids too!
So anyway, let�s talk about the movie.

I am very disappointed with Sirius Black. =(



Have you seen this wizard indeed! Of course not, he's definitely no Brad Pitt! Look, in Order of The Phoenix, Sirius was described as being a total hunk in school.

He was in fact, so hunky, that Lily Potter tried to seduce him by engorgio-ing her breasts, but failed because there were too many girls using the same trick, and stuck to James Potter instead.

Just kidding.

But he WAS described as being really droolable. Think there was this one scene where he was sitting down on a chair somewhere with his long legs up on some table and thinking he is goddamn handsome when� I forgot. And I�m not about to flip that thick book to find it.

Anyway, the point is that the actor they found was such a disappointment! I expected someone at least Tom Cruise standards (but taller).

To add, many of the cast was changed as well, such as Neville (he is no longer dark-blonde and pudgy but skinny with a horse-face now!) and strangely, there were many more black kids as well.

Think some of the previous white classmates turned themselves black over the long holiday.

Dumbledore was changed as well. =( But boh pian la, the original actor is dead.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention:

I will be flying to the great Britain to cast for Cho Chang. I�m perfect ok! Xiaxue = Cho Chang. The next time u read the book, Cho Chang�s face is mine.

Another interesting thing to note (and which all the newspapers have been harping on as well), is that the child cast has grown up!!!

Now girls, it�s almost legal to fantasize about Daniel Radcliff (how to spell?) now!!! He is so DARN CUTE!

Lookie!



Oh man� Wong had to continuously remind me that this is PG.

I mean seriously. Can Playboy pay him to strip or something?

Digressing a little, let�s talk about Hermione (Emma Watson). You will notice, of course, that I don�t give a shit about Ron (coz he is not, quite, sexy enough to be talked about).



That�s Hermione, THEN.

Let�s compare her to the other child star SLUTS.

EG:



OOPS!

WRONG PICTURE. Of course the Olsen Twins are not sluts.

THEN.



Now they are. And I so wanna bitchslap them. What�s the fetish about twins! Isn�t it gross to think of two sisters playing with each other�s breasts?

Or could it be that there is a good thing. And then there�s double of that good thing? Ok this makes a little sense.

But still, SLUTS.

And then here�s her.



Whatever happened to the innocence? And where did those giant boobs come from suddenly?



Not to forget Hilary Duff and some others, but MY POINT IS.

Isn�t Hermione so nice compared to them?

Watching Mean Girls with Lohan flashing her titties was pretty enjoyable � until I watched Harry Potter and realized how saturated the teenage sex market is. Hermione is smart (�You are indeed the smartest witch of your times!� ~ Sirius Black), and nonchalant about her looks, and she is even complete with a sense of justice.

How cool is that?

Emma will never be like the blonde sluts!


* VOICE BOOMING FROM ABOVE *

�YOU ARE WRONG, XIAXUE!!�

What?

�LOOK!�



Oh no no no� Hermione with make up!!

�HA HA HA! AND HERE�S ONE MORE!�



OMG I am so jealous!!! I possibly should mention there's this other scene where Hermione fall down, chest-first, into Harry's lying body... Oh somebody shut me up.

And will someone remind Emma Watson not to turn into a child slut please! I�d gladly take that place in Potter�s arms. =)

WHICH I WILL! Because I will be cast as Cho Chang remember? He will kiss me below the mistletoe. =)

So anyway, back to Potter.

Am I the only person who thinks that Potter looks like Bill Gates?

Here�s a picture of Harry Potter growing old:



isn�t it just UNCANNY??

Speaking of Gates, am I also the only one who think he is quite cute?

I mean, I don�t mind marrying him. But then again, who would mind?



Not bad looking what.



Ok, people have their ugly moments.



Ok now I�m convinced.

But anyway, look!



Bill reads my blog too!!!

*waves to Bill

(*author�s note: Have some more to blog about, but I think I�m going KTV, will continue soon.)

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The Spa

30th May 2004

OMG I went to a massage cum spa (Sanctuary Spa or something, and $30) with Eileen and it was so cheap and good! Since this was supposed to be blogged out so long ago I have forgotten how exhilarated I was.

It�s just photos for you then.

Anyway, it�s the both of us without make-up!!!



Eileen looking very excited about getting a back massage later!



Look, the flowers are smiling at us! Muahahaha. The place is so nice, even the orchids smell nicer. Smooth wooden flooring, lots of fountains, and yes! LOTS of fluffy white towels, and Japanese slippers!





We quickly slipped into the red satin bathrobes and immediately felt like royalty. In fact, I contemplated asking one of the masseuse to feed me grapes to complete the experience but I am scared she might drown me in essential oil.

Anyway, yes, I look pretty unglam in raw form.



Aha! What could this cozy section be??



OUR SPA!!! I know it has a lack of petals and what�s-not but pardon us will you? We only paid $30 and the spa was complimentary!

Speaking of spas, I think spas are pretty stupid because all u do is to lie in there like a piece of char siew. However, the violent bubbling seems to slap my fats around a bit, so I think I might have got thinner after the spa.

In fact, I think I might have lost 1 kg. Yes, that must be it. In fact, I think I lost 2kg.



There was this weird room with a weird bathtub in it� I barged into the room when one woman was happily relaxing inside.

She gave me an offended look. The I�m-naked,-you-rude-bitch! look.

I hastily closed the door.

Eileen joined me then, and asked, �What�s inside?� and proceeded to barge in again.

The woman gave a scathing look.

�Oei, why you never tell me got people inside?!� demanded Eileen.

I laughed.

After the spa we proceeded to the BACK massage.

It was supposed to be one of those 30 min back only massage, but guess what? Somehow the masseuse had the idea that it was a FULL BODY MASSAGE!

I didn�t stop her. I am going straight to hell.

So anyway, it�s the first time I�m experiencing a high-class massage like this! It was all fluffy white sheets on the bed which looks like the one they cut corpses on.

And then they really have the hole for your face! Ha ha ha!!!

I was thinking of asking the lady if I could have a �special� and see what her reaction would be ha ha ha ha!! But I didn�t. Afterall, she�s handling my naked body and she must rub me with acid or something.

Overall, it was very orgasmic.

We ended up very happy customers, because they served us this nice ginger tea as well, complimentary of course.



Even people�s toilets are nicer.

*More coming up. And when I say more, I mean like, MORE.

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Ok I'm sorry. The long post will have to be another day, because I've got 4 assignments at hand now and I'm damn stressed up.

Ex American Idol finalist will be calling me (9.30am! *gasp*), and then there is Jay Chou's girlfriend, and then 13 Shaolin monks, and one more phoner with two Chinese singers. I am going to die.

SO NO BLOGGING.

OH FUCK IT! I can't stand it, here's a short one:

I was on my way home on bus 51 after watching The Punisher (3 stars coz there was a boob scene and the male lead can't seem to keep his shirt on), and it was late, like 11 plus.

The upper deck had only me and this uncle - sitted like this:



As shown, the uncle is the blue spot, while I'm the (make a wild guess!) pink spot.

So, THIS UNCLE STARTED TO TALK TO HIMSELF LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!

Except...







He doesn't look like he's talking to himself. He was gesturing, and nodding his head in agreement sometimes, and even laughed.

He looked exactly like he was chatting animatedly with a person sitting on the grey-red spot. And that someone must be an excellent conversationalist too.




Except there was nobody there.


Of course, I passed off his mumblings as him being a siao hallucinater. Middle aged uncles often go crazy and talk to themselves, right? It is normal to talk to yourself, right?

So, he continued spouting Hokkien (which I don't understand) for another 10 minutes, and then he suddenly stopped.

"Thank god," I thought.


He looked up, and started turning his head clockwise slowly.

Towards me.

OMFG. I almost jumped out of my skin. Outside was pitch darkness, and it was only me and him on the bus...


He stopped short of looking directly at me, and his line of vision rested at.. yes, you guessed correctly, at the seat directly in front of me, where the grey spot is.






And he started talking to that empty spot again!!!!!!!!!!!! Was there something there that he could see and I couldn't?


I fled. That must have been one of the scariest moments of my life. *shivers*

This is so fucked up. Now I'm scared to off the lights.

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BYE nightie!

HELLO new pic!

Nicer? Or do you prefer the old picture? Tired. REALLY long blog tomorrow to replenish the drought, I promise. =D

The eyes look a little weird you think? P/s: I enlarged my boobs a little too! Ha ha!

UPDATED 3rd JUNE 2004, 12:53PM

Little news flash here: Got nominated here for yet another weblog award.

I am sick and tired of hearing criticism about blogging for winning awards, so I'm not even going to try to win this.

So what's my point in telling you guys about the awards? Well, I just wanna say...

If I organised a blog award thingy, I WILL:

-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH SONG LYRICS AS A BLOG ENTRY. SCREW YOU for wasting 0.05 seconds of my life reading the lyrics! When you go to other people's blogs, do you read their lyrics too? Huh?!

-DISQUALIFY... Come to think of it, anyone with songs on their blogs too. They scare my dog.

-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WHO TYPES IN PARAGRAPHS OF MORE THAN 7 SENTENCES. Weblogging is not Secondary school English compo, people have no interest to scour through chunky paragraphs. That's not the way!

-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH BAD, BLUR photos. Learn photoshop before putting up traumatic shots!

-DISQUALIFY ALL SILLY GIRLY BLOGS WITH star star cursors and flashing cutsy (not) gifs.

-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WHO STARTS BLOG ENTRY WITH "DEAR DIARY". Stop acting like your stupid paper diary is the only thing reading you oh-so-secret blog!

-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH TOO SMALL FONT SIZES. Singaporeans are myopic enough as it is. Especially if this one is in conjuntion with the 3rd point, I will personally kill the nominee.

-DISQUALIFY ANYONE WITH "I AM FEELING ____" SMILEYS. I just don't like it.

Blame me will you? I'm the Simon Cowell of blogging. And don't come hounding on me if (very likely) your blog contains one or more of the above elements. Those are just MY opinions. :)

In the end, I hope something looking decent and chic will win. And of course, with good content too. =)

*Waves to owner of cynics.info if you are looking at this*

AND YES. I know the owner spelt my name as XieXue or something. It's not funny. Don't laugh. -_-

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Yes yes, I know I'm DARN lucky to get (not one but two!) Gmail accounts. It seems that they are giving it to only a very small portion of active bloggers - some people with a year of blogs did not even get any.

And lookie what people are doing!

I'm amazed. Selling Gmail. What next? And oh yeah I don't have any invites, quite bugging me!

More blogs later. I'm in the ghost town of Raffles Place right now coz I stupidly went to work without checking my roster - which states I should be off today.

How frustrating!

Meanwhile, I'm excited coz I'm gonna see her on Friday. =D

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Hows the new template?

Changed the format of the spoof site and changed the FAQs site as well, can go have a look!!!

Meanwhile, precisely because I was so darn busy uploading my archives' pictures (for your viewing pleasure, mind you), I did not have time to blog, although I got loads to blog about.

Uploaded around 170 pictures, thus increasing my "average post per week" statistics to a gasping NINE entries a week. Can you imagine?!

I love my blog. It's so darn pretty now. *smiles in a self-satisfied manner*

Since you get nothing to read, I shall put in a nice photo for you to see, taken a long time ago:


Muahahaha. That's me and Eileen btw.

Love,
Xiaxue

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