R21?

Warning: This part is for older blogders (blog readers), so if you came in from the Sunday Times, skip the following part (till the red dotted lines) and read the more exciting bits.

And oh, I had a good hair day today too.

So yeah.

Yes, yes, I DO know that I am featured on the Straits Times, and I am duly elated by that.




I look at this picture and I feel thankful I do not have cavities


However, I remember the smaller mention in the first article saying I'm an anonymous scribbler? I blogged about how happy I was to be on the papers? I heard feedback saying that I am damn hao lian about that, so in order to refrain stupid people from making such assumptions, I kept quiet about the 2nd article regarding the Singaporean rebels.

Now, because I chose to keep quiet about the second article, I also heard feedback that people think I am too proud and a silly Straits Times article is beneath me. Utter bollocks.

STUPID PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE, trying to impose their incorrect and unimportant views on everyone else, and making assumptions with their minute brains. BAH!

So I shall just be honest.

I am very, very touched (and happy) that my blog has come so far, despite all the "intelligent" people thinking I'm just another bimbo.

It doesn't matter to me. THEY didn't get mentioned in the papers did they? Did they get a writing job? Are they being PAID to write?

So what if these people think that I am superficial and dumb? The Straits Time's editor thinks I am funny, and I think he is a better judge of writing than most of these serious bloggers ("I can't believe she is the best Singaporean blogger, she is so crude and her English is not perfect and she doesn't even talk about policics!" --> I do too, see the Dr. Tony Tan post?). These people do not have a sense of humour (or maybe just a different kind, I don't know) and they will never understand that not everyone appreciates writings with their deep intellectual thoughts, flowery English, and technical jargons. Not all the time anyway.

I am not better or worse than these "intelligent" people. I am just different. Why can't they accept that?

Just because I write in a frivolous manner here doesn't mean I can't do serious writing when I WANT to.

Wong the Lawyer says I should stop writing in a defensive tone, so I shall stop here.


*****************************************

Hello everyone!

Got a few emails asking me how come I manage to watch RA shows although I am only 20.

Psssh, come nearer:

I've been watching them since I was 18! Ha!

Here are a few tricks you can learn:

"My IC is in my car, damn it!"

For girls, put on your deepest red lipstick. If you do not have lipstick, you can substitute with other red substances like chilli or blood.

For boys, comb your hair backwards like the Shanghai-tan manner, and pretend that you have broke your voice.

If you look like you have aged ten years, and you are all ready!

Approach the ticketing auntie with a sunny smile barely fifteen minutes before showtime. "Two tickets for Whore please?"

"IC please, it's an RA show."

"Oh dear, I left my bag in my boyfriend's car! And he went downstairs to buy drinks leh. How ah, the queue is so long and the movie going to start already ..." (Bite your lips in a traumatized manner)

"Sorry, no IC cannot buy."

"Ok I tell you what. You gimme the tickets first, and I will ask him to bring my bag up later. When they collect the tickets later they will check my IC right? Auntie, I not so stupid to waste my money if I cannot go in later right? I will ask my boyfriend to bring it up ok? Aiyoh, auntie, I am very happy leh, I look young meh? I am already 22, old already lah."

"22 where got old? You have a long way to go lah, young lady! I then old lah ..."

"Huh you where got old, you look younger than my mother, and she is just around 40!"

"Ok la, here's your tickets, make sure they check later ah!" (she will grin happily)

"No problem Auntie! I wouldn't bluff you one lah!"

Be sure you are at a certain cinema whose's toilets cost 20 cents to enter. They have old men there who do not give a shit if u don't look a day older than twelve.

To play it safe, enter the cinema like this:

Engage your friend in a deep conversation about work. Be really loud as you explode about how your fucked up boss decided to promote that ugly retard instead of you.

Me: "DAMN FUCKED UP CAN! HOW CAN HE DO THAT?!"

Eileen, who is now 22 years of age: "Yeah lor." *nods in a sympathetic manner*

Me: "HE IS THE WORST BOSS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO ANGRY NOW, THAT IF ANYONE FUCKS AROUND WITH ME, I SWEAR I WILL KILL THE PERSON."

With this melodramatic demeanour, continue the conversation shouting words like MURDER or KNIFE IN BAG in a particularly loud fashion while emphasizing that you just want to watch a movie now to calm your violent intentions.

When it is your turn to pass the tickets to the collector, continue the conversation in rapid chatter while casually shoving the tickets into the collector's stomach without even looking at him.

Chances are, he would not want to talk to you at all.

I did this trick with Eileen, and you know what? The fellow stopped Eileen and asked her to show her IC (she is 1 year older than the legal age) while totally avoiding all eye contact with me.

I stood there with arms folded and underaged, looking mutinous. Such mundane procedures (such as checking ages) only serve to waste my precious time and I should bomb the cinema since I am so frustrated!

How cool is that?

However, if you still encounter difficulties at the second gantry, try the two following methods. They work.

Scold the manager

Here's a REVISED version of what June and I did:

We were at PS (particularly anal movie ticketers).

Allow me a digression!!! I saw this thing in the PS FEMALE toilet!


The thing for washing butts?? In the common area of the toilet??

After buying the tickets with no problems, we were stopped by an anal retentive auntie who, no doubt, was in a foul mood as she didn't get enough.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?

Deprived auntie: "IC."

June and I: "Huh? Left it in the car." (Didn't expect to be stopped so the answer wasn't that appropriate. You can think of a better one)

DA: "No IC cannot go in."

I sensed trouble. She didn't look like the kindly sort. "Hey look," I said in perfect, arrogant English. "I do not understand why you are wasting our time here. We bought the tickets just now, and they have checked our ICs then. It is so ridiculous to be checked twice."

DA: "Company policy, sorry." She looked extremely smug, and I felt like slapping her.

Me: "This is so ridiculous! Do we even look younger than 21 freaking years?"

DA: "Sorry." She then proceeded to show us the way out.

Me: "I want to see your manager, right now."

DA: "Fine." *walkie talkie* "Mr X? Two girls don't have IC want to go in."

Behind us, another young couple walked in. The same deprived Auntie demanded for IC, and the guy was of age, but the girl, who was 20 like June and I, stupidly showed her her IC. They were also stopped.

Manager arrives.

DA: "Sir, these two (me and June) don't have IC and this girl not enough age, I checked. The boy ok."

Me, to manager: "Hi, good evening - (I looked at his name tag) - Kelvin. My friend and I here just bought tickets to Kill Bill, and we produced our ICs just now when we brought tickets. We left our ICs in our car for safety, and now we are not allowed to go in? What kind of logic is that?"

Manager: "Sorry miss, it's our company's policy."

Me: "I have watched so many shows in my life, and I was never stopped TWICE. What's the point of doing that?"

Manager: "Sorry, we always do that here."

Me: "I didn't know that. It's not like that in Lido. So what do you expect me to do now?"

Manager: "Maybe you can go retrieve your IC?"

Me: "Ha. That's really witty of you. It is now - (I stopped to look at my Rolex) - seven thirty and the show started 15 minutes ago. Can you tell me the point of watching a movie when you miss the first half an hour?"

Manager: "Maybe the next time you will bring your IC up here with you."

The couple, seeing that the manager and I were in conversation, tried to sneak into the cinemas.


Manager, to them: "Hey stop there! Sorry, you (boy) can go in, but she cannot."

Me, to manager: "So you want me to go down to the carpark? If I go, I will not come back. I don't see the point of watching this movie with this kind of unpleasant incidents happening. I came here to enjoy myself. Perhaps I should never come to PS again?"

Manager: "I think you misunderstood me miss. I meant to say that next time, please bring along your ICs with you."

Me: "Right. Thank you, Kelvin."

It was pure torture on June's and my part to not whoop in laughter as we walked into the cinema while the couple proceeded, heads drooping, in the opposite direction.


Just an extra purple note
This is Ghim Hui's friend's idea.

If you were stopped at the cinema with four-letters, gently retrieve back your movie tickets, and slip a $2 note underneath it to give to the old man.

Very likely, he will accept it.

Some people call it bribery, but I call it kindness to the elderly, really.




On a side note, I hope no cinema owners read my blog.

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Got Bone Marrow?

I received the following email, and I have confirmed that they are presently in need of a donor. The needy patient is merely 14 - and that's too young for her to leave this world.

If you are willing to take a blood test and is not a carrier of infectious diseases, the blood tests can be conducted eitherduring 8-9 am or 4-5 pm from monday to friday. The place to conduct the test is SGH Block 7 Level 2 Haemaeology Centre.

Call Enkai at 90120203.

*****

Dear Wendy, I saw your blog being featured in newspaper recently and it boasts that you have over 4000 viewers daily.

A friend of mine has a young cousin who is suffering from leukemia. It is in a critical stage and the only way to save her is through a relatively harmless bone marrow transplant. Even though the national bone marrow institute hasfound a suitable donor for her, the person isstationed overseas and doesn't want to come back. Sadly, such injustice is rampant in our world today.

The reason why I'm writing to you is the hope that you can illuminate the plight of my friend's cousin. She is only 14 this year and if her life is taken from her, she'll never have the chance to experience what life has to offer. She'll never be able to hold her bf's hand or to perhaps even marry one that she loves. The worst is that her parents would lose their child to someone who turn his/her blindeye to her tragedy.

The letter that my friend emailed me is as follows...

Dear all,
My cousin, a lovely young girl who is only 14 years old, has been diagnosed to be in the critical stages of leukemia(blood cancer). Her situation has taken a turn for the worse and she has been down with fever ever since last wednesday, due to a severly weakened immune system which is unable to cope with any viruses or illness.

Previously we had managed to find asuitable donor. However the donor, who is stationed overseas at this present moment, has repeatedly turned down the pleas to return. Hence i would like to appealto all of you to save a young life. Chances of finding a suitable bone marrow donor is very slim but we are not taking any chances.

Its not a lot of hassle really; we just need donors to undergo a simple blood test at NUH or SGH.

Interested donors do contact me at 90120203or reply to my email. Time is really running short. To my friends and others, do help me to spread this mail around as soon as possible. Thanks and i really really appreciate it!

Enkai

Therefore, I beseech you to help by posting his letter in your blog and urge your viewers to spread the news among their friends too. The gift of life is perhaps the most endearing and precious to give to a fellow human being.

Yours Sincerely,
Andrew Yang

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Of concerts and horrid taxi drivers

I know I have not been updating very regularly, and that's because of two reasons:

1) I am working (I'm doing a book project and that's all I'll be revealing, my dears. My pay is relatively good for a poly grad too, and yes, I love this job. It's confidential lah, if not I'll tell u guys, really. You will know in December) and hence I am almost always tired.

2) I am hooked on Solitaire Showdown in MSN so I am always playing that with Shuyin till the wee hours of the night. She always thrashes me and that gets me pissed. When I am pissed, I hate the world and I don't blog.

BUT! I am nice! So despite being very pissed with the tremendous amount of stupid people who misunderstood my National Day blog entries (the hate mail, I tell you.) , I shall try to churn out more blogs for the smarter and more open-minded people who read me.

Before I continue, here's to stupid people:

Alrighty.

TODAY (yes, the 2nd highest circulating English newspaper in SG) had me to cover the COOLPLAY concert by Wilber Pan and Zhang Shan Wei, so I went.

Some time ago, they also bestowed upon lucky me tickets to watch the Gen Y concert (as you avid readers know).

On both occasions, I got abused.

And since I do not have time to write much, I shall just complain about the stupid obnoxious girls who watch concerts instead of full reviews.

Gen Y concert

I brought Birdy with me.

I got very excited when I saw the media pass that went with the pair of tickets (stapled with a new press release, mind you, saying UsUsUaL cordially invites Elisa Chia (who gave the tics to me)).

In my naive head, I thought this means that I can go backstage to interview the stars you see. But actually, it means that I would be able to just stand in front of the stage, where all the photographers are, to watch the concert standing up, but in a magnificently close view.

Since Birdy/Shuyin did not have a pass, I decided to forgo that, and sit with her. Afterall, our seats are the SEVENTH row from the front, which is not bad at all. It is also dead centre.

Too soon, the concert started, and Van Fan came to sing. Being the nice blogger I am, I decided to go to the front of the railings to take a photo or two (for you guys!), so I squeezed pass some seats, and went to the front.

I was stopped by an usher but he shut his gap when he saw the pass.

Later on, I moved back to my seat, thinking I would not take another photo, since it's a little troublesome.

The edge of my row of girls was this middle-aged lady, who shouted at me when I passed her.

"GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT!" she shouted in a condescending manner as if I am some young juvenile fan. "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WALK TO THE FRONT YOU KNOW! GO BACK NOW."

And she actually used her filthy paws to push me on my waist.

Everyone stared and I boiled. There was a time when people said that Singa OOPS I mean, there was a time when I would have taken her bullshit quietly and went back to my seat, BUT NOW I AM A FEROCIOUS GROWN WOMAN WHO KNOWS I SHOULD TAKE NO BULLSHIT. NONE AT ALL.

I slapped her a bit with my media pass, and I said, "Excuse me, I'm a reporter, and I can go to the front as often as I want, OK?!" (which is not exactly ethical, but she wasn't being nice so I shouldn't be either)

"I don't care what reporter," she shouted, her saggy eyelids begging for some
extreme makeover (so old already still acting like a delinquent watching a
concert. Yay! F4! look at auntie, auntie like you all!). "I am audience, so I
can ask you to go back. AND GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT NOW!"

She pushed me, hard.

I stayed put, and said, "I CAN COME OUT AS OFTEN AS I WANT AND YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Too bad you are sitting in the same row as me. GO AWAY LOR! AND DON'T TOUCH ME WITH YOUR DIRTY HANDS!"

She then pretended to treat me like a thick pillar obstructing her view and folded her arms while looking beyond my waist at the singing Van.

I thus left to go to my seat again, feeling quite murderous, and you KNOW WHAT THAT BITCH DID??

SHE KICKED ME ON MY SHIN!

WHAT THE FUCK!

It wasn't a strong kick, so I just left it at that (plus I don't think my build is made for fighting, really) and went back to Shuyin sprouting vulgarities and something along the lines of her getting rectum cancer.

So. I do admit I was slightly at fault, BUT THE BITCH KICKED ME CAN! I should have slapped her across the face with my cheap VNC heels I tell you, those are lethal.

URGH!!!

Ok, moving swiftly on to the Cool Play concert.

The people sitting in front of June and I were this mother (or auntie - don't you just HATE aunties who watch teeny concerts??!) and her two girls, one apparently 17 or so and the other around 14.

This was where I was seated.

Click to enlarge

So. See that railing in front of me? Just before the concert started, I was telling June, in my normal talking volume, that if anyone ran to stand at the railing later, I will personally kill the traitors because they would obstruct my view.

The auntie turned to her daughter, who was seated in front of me, and said in a loud voice dripping with sarcasm,

"WOAH ... SHE PURPOSEDLY SAY SO LOUD SO THAT WE CAN HEAR YOU KNOW! Very scared."

WAH LAU. Vindictive bitch. I wasn't even talking about her lor!

I contemplated for a while, and tapping on her shoulder, said in a gentle voice, "Sorry hor xiao jie (miss), I wasn't speaking about you just now, I was talking about other people lah. It's a misunderstanding, sorry."

She avoided my gaze, and staring determindedly in front, said, "Yeah, but so what. People standing in front wouldn't block you what."

WHAT THE? What she said is relatively true, because the stage is adjacent to me, but so what? inconsiderate people who move to the railings will block others right? I just don't like such people!

See? I don't understand why I even tried to be nice. Some people are just so fucked up! What's wrong with her?

Later on, the singers announced that they were going to shake hands with people at the sides (that's us!), so naturally, everyone RUSHED, including me, although I am not mesmerised with the duo.

I was on the fifth row, so it is quite difficult to get a spot just right behind the railing.

And because i was penning down notes for this final product, I was holding a pilot v5 in blue, with it's tip menacingly exposed.

Naturally, when I did my super rush to the front, I had to by pass Auntie and her daughters - and I managed to go zoom pass her, no doubt leaving her NOT BEING ABLE TO TOUCH WILBER UNLIKE ME (ha ha! Cheap thrill), and also hating me for life.

As if she didn't hate me enough for taking her rightful spot at the railing in my amazingly high VNC (i love the brand) heels ...

I also accidentally (maybe not so accidentally) poked her with my V5.

Well ok. It wasn't really a poke. It was more a scratch. A long scratch across her sweater. I pretended I didn't notice. (but actually, I have to admit I feel pretty gleeful thinking about it. But do not let my cheerfulness deceive you. I am really feeling very guilty deep down.)

Later on, when we were walking out of the concert hall, I did it again. Verbal vomit. I said to June, "The concert is not bad huh! Except for the stupid people in front, so annoying."

June just laughed.

"Uh huh," I said. "I did it again right. They are right behind us right?"

June turned back, looked, and gave the affirmative.

This ALWAYS happens to me.

The family of unhappy concert viewers shoved pass me and June, with the young girl tossing me AN EVIL EYE while she turned back to look at me. I raised my eyebrows and downturned my lips in what I thought was an innocent expression... But I don't think she took it. She looked so evil, that I have nightmares of her everytime I sleep till this very day.

Looked a little like GimLi here:

Oh gosh.

*****

EVIL TAXI DRIVER

After the concert, which ended at 1130pm, June and I tried to walk outta the place to Kallang MRT, and couldn't find our way.

Soon, it was 12am, and we were forced to take taxis.

I was only willing to spend $15 on my cab fare home (Aljunied to Teban Gardens), so I told this uncle, "Uncle, for $15 can send me to Jurong East?"

He grumbled a little, and said it is ok, for it will be slightly more than that amount. I asked him if he was sure it is ok with him, for I only had that amount of money with me (an outright lie).

He said ok.

Later on, I was yakking on my cell phone with a friend while on the cab, and of course, I mentioned that I came from the concert.

When we were approaching Jurong, I realised Jurong East is not quite the same as Teban Gardens, so I told the cab driver that I am supposed to be going to Teban - which is a 2 min drive from Jurong East Mrt.

He blew himself into a rage.

"WHAT!" he said in Mandarin. "Jurong East is not the same with Teban ok! At least $3 more ok!"

"Uncle, it is only a few cents more la. Ok, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you, you can stop me at Jurong East and I will walk."

With this, he started to shout at me. "Next time bring more money with you! Huh? Go out until so late never bring money?"

"Uncle, I already told you I had $15, and you AGREED to drive me what."

"I agreed to drive till Jurong East ok! No Teban ok! Different hor!"

Clearly another stupid middle-aged old man.

"I ALREADY SAID CAN DROP ME AT JURONG AND I WILL WALK HOME RIGHT?"

The uncle sniggered. "Can ... Of course I will drop you there."

He started to mumble to himself loudly, "Youngsters nowadays. Just now, you talk on the phone so long, already so expensive, then now try to say no money to pay. I think your phone bill also more expensive than this cab fare ..."

"Excuse me uncle, my phone is starhub so it's free," I retorted.

"YEAH!" he screamed hysterically, "That's what you say now lah, of course. Free ... Ha ha ... I believe you! Where got such thing as free in this world. We taxi drivers not charity ok!"

"It IS free what!" - but of course, it's no use arguing with retards because they will never understand logic.

Realising he lost on the mobile phone topic, the uncle changed his tactics in the speed of light.

"No money no money," he mumbled audibly. "Can go watch concert, concert so expensive, no money ... Take me as a 3-yr-old kid."

"My tickets are free ok!" I said, although he has no rights to question my finance, because he agreed on the $15 ride to JURONG EAST (I said he can drop me there so I did no wrong). What's with people like that! Tell me!! Why do I always meet such people?!

URGHH!!!!!! JUST KILL ME LAH.

Very luckily, the cab was reaching Jurong East Library, and I told him to stop me there.

The bastard did.

And you know what? He sped off, in the only possible direction: My house. What the fuck. In the end, he is still going to Teban Gardens despite all his bloody ramblings about his petrol (what petrol? Isn't it diesel?) being expensive.

In the quiet of the night, I gave him my $15, and shouted after his cab: "GEI NI QUAN JIA REN QU KAN YI SHENG LAH!" and it felt really good (despite it being quite mean, but forgive me, I was very angry).

Urgh.

Always meet horrid people (and they me).

oh yeah. Took me a good 45 mins to walk home - in my cheap VNC heels. I wish I had Heelys.

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I WANT!

NDP tickets!! Is anyone kind enough to pass me some?! XIE XIE XIE XIE!

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Mail from a foreigner in Singapore

Dear Wendy,

I had great respect for you. Your hilarious blog entries never fail to leave me in stitches - until I saw your Singapore entry. I'm not a "kantang" as you put it. I'm not even Singaporean. I'm not even Asian. I'm a New Yorker. A 16 year old teen who was forced to live on this little island with my father.

I grew up in Manhattan. And in case you're wondering, I have done Marijuana. And pot. And I regret that. Drugs are baned effectively here, somethingwhich I support. BUT, in terms of culture and lifestyle, Singapore is boring and restrictive. Back in nyc, almost once a week, you can see groups of people marching down 32nd street waving banners proclaiming their supportfor Aids funding or shouting out their views about the cuban missle crisis. Here, it's so quiet.

The first day I arrived here and chewed gum I got stopped by the police. I knew such a law existed, but I wanted to find out just how keen eyed the yare to spot people chewing gum. I wasn't fined (thank god for that) but Iwas ordered to throw it away anyway.

Maybe you are not widely travelled, I don't know. But I suggest you drop by nyc, when you can. THAT will open your eyes to what sort of place singaporeis.

regards,
Chelsea

btw, the dvd of kill bill vol 1 is banned while its sold at every videostore in Bangkok. Says a lot doesn't it?

ps, in case you're wondering, yes I wanna get out of this hell hole as soon as I can.

My Reply

Right Chelsea,

If you are not a local, then I do not blame you for not liking Singapore of course. What I would like to say is this - you are not aSingaporean, and you did not grow up here, absorbing in its unique(albeit boring) culture, and surrounded by all your neighbours and friends, while celebrating the past 20 (for me) National days with ur
loved ones; cheering as your country grew from a cheap labour land to
the successful country we are now, cry as crises befall upon us.

I can understand if u do not like Singapore, for you do not truely belong here.

But pardon me - I will not say anything bad about my country, because it gave so much to me. You will never understand, and thus, I must also say you have no rights to judge whether we Singaporeans should love our country or not. Love - it is not based on whether we have the new DVD of Kill Bill and whether gum is banned. It's this land's soil that we have grew up with, and I love it with all my heart, and I will lay my life down to protect it. It's not about how the Government rules us either. It is about everything familiar to me here, and every laugh I had on this tiny island, or every tear I shed that formed our humid Singapore air.

While people can criticize my country, I do wish they will not do it in front of me - rather like you will not like me to insult your father, even if it were factual criticism.

I wish you best of luck to get out of Singapore, for I am sure she would not want you to suffer on her as well (and yet she can't change herself to accomodate your likings, nor everyone else's).

Love,
Xiaxue

*****

I hate everyone Singaporean who hates Singapore. MEI LIANG XIN! Yuck! GO DROWN YOURSELVES LA, UNGRATEFUL PRATS!

p/s: I am not THAT widely travelled, but I've been to Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Thailand, Taipei and of course the usual Indonesia and Malaysia. I still love Singapore the best. Cheers.

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Updates soon.

I'm sorry for the lack of proper blogs recently, people! (one really long one below though written in a mean tone because I keep having imaginary people slamming me as I write)

I've been busy recently!

And these ...

could only mean one thing. =D

I'm stepping into a new phrase of my life. It was 13 years of studying halted finally.

I shall climb the corporate ladder with my cheap VNC heels, and I know I can do it because I have a supportive family, the best friends in the world, and you, my readers, always there for me. You guys will keep being here, right?

Thank you, my blogders, the appreciation I have for you guys is unexpress-able. =)

SHANG NI MEN YI GE HEI BAI ZHAO!

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Don't like Singapore? Fuck off - and we wouldn't miss you.

I wanted to blog the following out for a very long time now, but I wanted to wait till National Day gambols around in it's flamboyant sequins to do it with the full impact.

Of course, National Day is not here till four days later, but I can't wait anymore.

Let's see.

I wanted to merely say that I love Singapore, but I also realized that I hate some of the people in here, who mars our beautiful garden city.

These are the JIAK KAN TANG (eat potato) people who meet so often.

I don't often meet such people nowadays (thank goodness!) but I know they exist. I HATE SUCH PEOPLE. Wait, hate is not enough, let's make it CURSE THEM ALL TO ETERNAL HELL.

Most of these people would be

1) Speaking with a stupid American/any other "superior English" accent

2) Coming from English-speaking girl and boy schools like ACS or MGS

3) Constantly whining about a lack of freedom and space in SG.

4) Saying Singapore sucks and they would fly away at their youngest age possible.

5) Have freckles

Well, here's my views about some common kantang phrases:

I wish I were born in XXX country/ I want to migrate to XXX country.

Well, I am speaking to you if you are one of those irritating people who hates Singapore down to our last Vanda Miss Joaquim.

Kantang: "I am so unlucky. If I were luckier, I would have been born in American
instead of Singapore, where we can eat chewing gum and the Government does not
treat us like babies."

Me: "Well, that's bullshit. It's like saying ...
My mum sucks and I wish I was born out of another woman. Not possible at all."

Kantang: "No
... That's not true. Singapore sucks."

DUH! YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHERE YOU ARE BORN! And also, your life in Singapore has nurtured you to become YOU and whatever BULLSHIT and unimportant opinions that you have, so if you were American, you might really want to be a Singaporean, you would never know.

Thinking of migrating? I have a message for you: I don't think your dream country welcomes you.

Let's take this situation into consideration. Let's use the world's best country, which is Switzerland, because it has very accurate clocks and nice chocolate.

If all the ungrateful kantangs (possibly ugly too) all flock to Switzerland, it will have its finest chocolate all gobbled up, and its clocks all not so accurate anymore because non-Swits are not accustomed nor patient enough to wind pocket clocks to supreme accurancy.

Thus, not only will all the Swits hate the Singaporean Kantangs (I hope they realize that the non-kantangs are nicer people), and hence making Switzerland not so pleasant, the mere reasons why it is so nice in the first place would be obsolete.

You may think I am stretching it, and actually I am. But please spoil me and allow me to give you another fine example. The second best country to be born in would be Venezuela, because all the girls there look like beauty queens with blonde hair rippling to their waist and they have nice chocolate.

- If you are a male kantang there, you will be able to fuck beautiful girls.

- If you are a female kantang there, it is likely that people will generalize and claim that you are beautiful just because you are Venezuelan. You will get fucked often.

The above two hypothetical dream situations will not happen.

Because you are possibly ugly like shit.

And when you go to Venezuela to live, the only people you would be able to shag would be other jaded (and possibly cobweb-covered-around-the-genitals) Singaporean Kantangs.

You will thus spawn, and after years of spawning, Venezuela would no longer be a place full of blonde beauty queens - but instead will be half filled with wannabe-Singaporean-Venezuelans.

It will be no longer a dream country, and it is YOU who ruined it.



Comparison to other "superior" countries

Says the enraged kantang:


"Singapore sucks! Look at how developed Japan is! Why can't we have cutesy lunchboxes too? Why can't our food be as nice as Hongkong's? Why does France have such cheap wine?"

SHUT THE FUCK UP LAH. SLAP YOU. Singapore is pretty fine as it is. Very torturous to stay here is it? Is it really that bad?

The worst argument I have heard is this:

"Singapore nannies its citizens. For example, in Holland, people are allowed to smoke cannabis freely. Why can't Singapore do the same? Let its people choose! That's what democracy is about!"

I forgot who I argued this with, but I would like to say this now - slowly and clearly. The reason why cannabis, or any other drug, is not allowed in Singapore and majority of other countries is because there are STUPID AND IMMATURE PEOPLE AROUND.

By stupid I mean stupid - people who indulge in artificial highs just because it makes them feel physically good, and abandoning all the downside risks (doesn't it OCCUR to them that artificial highs can't be anything good?????) .

These are also the same people persist on ejaculating into their unwedded sex partners (or allow it for that matter) because it "feels good" and ignoring the fact that babies could form. WHO CARES ABOUT BABIES! I WANT TO SHOOT INSIDE COZ IT FEELS SO GOOD! These are also the same stupid people who keep ejaculating into their sex partners even after getting abortions, five times.

By immature, I mean young people who are not capable of making correct and logical decisions for themselves, thus falling back on the same theory - anything that makes your body feel good should be good.

Because there are these two types of people around, the Government need to restrict the distribution of drugs.

Logically speaking, if Marijuana is allowed in SG, then we can also predict that these stupid people would keep going to Zouk to swallow pill after pill (why, marijuana cannot be in pills meh?), because it "feels good".

They will eventually die, or became retarded, because they are incapable of restraining themselves.

Logically speaking, these stupid people are of no loss to Singapore, but imagine who will pack our burgers? Would it be the bangalas? Zouk will also not like corpses to be lying around in their premises after every mambo night.

Thus, the Government, being kind and caring for its citizens, decides that it is for the best that no one uses these harmful drugs to create artificial highs, unfortunately also including the responsible people who might think a small dose of cannabis a month is tolerable.

Otherwise, how's the Government going to sieve the sensible people from the non-sensible people to sell drugs to?

If you were a sensible person with a stupid drug-loving younger brother who cant restrain himself, would you wish for the law to be such that anyone can smoke cannabis? But then again, maybe.

Speaking of artificial highs, I find it disgusting to get "high" (I hate that word, it's so gross) in public. To me, it's like masturbating in public with a stupid cum-face. No one wants to look at your cum-face. Just wrong.

The person I argued with said that cannabis is less harmful than smoking, and in Holland a meagre amount of people (four or so) have died after the ban on said drug was lifted. (I take it the four people that could otherwise have been living still are of no importance.)

Good for Holland, I say. They practice self-control. Not Singaporeans - look at the way we go on the MRT. Also, this fellow's argument is now on the types of drugs the Government shld allow, and not about the crux of our discussion anymore. And just because an experiment on free-rein cannabis went well, it doesn't mean we should push our luck and allow heroin, right?

As for the immature people, it is a pretty obvious case. WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR 13 YR OLD KID TO SMOKE CANNABIS?

Possibly not, I reckon, unless u are one of those said stupid people who ejaculate into your partner (not spouse) and your kid smokes heroin with you.

Age limit for drugs? If drugs are available, you think that kids can't get their hands on it?

We have a Government that cares for us, thank you very much and shut up.


Of course, there would be people now demanding that I explain why the Government should allow smoking - also a type of drug, strictly speaking, and harmful too.

I personally think they should ban it (oh no don't you fucking smokers groan, your life was perfectly fine before you smoked, and you would be richer and healthier too), but I can understand why they didn't.

Because the Government does need to give us some free space too. So, of all the drugs, they chose the least harmful one, to allow citizens to use it. Just one.

I had an argument with someone recently. The Texas brand cigarette package now come complete with a 65K colour laser print picture of a cut bleeding brain on it. Or maybe black lungs too.

It is DISGUSTING and ugly.

This friend said that our Government is hypocritical because it wants to earn money by selling the cigarettes, yet wants to pretend like it is very caring and doesn't want its citizens to smoke.

That's really stretched, isn't it? From my point of view, our Government allows 18 yr olds and above to smoke because we are supposed to be adults who can think for ourselves. They do not want to take away from us the liberty to have whatever little pleasure smoking gives, because they do not have enough reasons to - as smoking is not immediately extremely harmful.

However, what they could do, is to dissuade us from smoking.

They can only hope that years and years of education would not be wasted on us, and we would be sensible enough to CHOOSE not to smoke ourselves. Thus the messages on the cigarette boxes. However, if a stupid person decides to ignore the message, the Government can only say they have done their best, and it's the stupid person's choice.

What a long blog entry.

Last point:

Comparison to other "lousier" countries

By this point of time in my blog entry, I believe almost everyone would be disagreed with me, and I am about to blow off what's left of people who agreed with me. It's kinda sad, but it's alright.

These people who are still agreeing with me are possibly the kindly souls who say, "Yeah lor, SG is good what, at least we have food and water here."

And also because I have said that I do not like people who compare SG with other "better" countries, I must not condone comparisons with "lousier" countries ( Africa always kanna ) too.

What's the point of being in a good country if you don't abuse that privilege? Yes I am lucky to be born in Singapore where I can blog my thoughts without drowning like the people in Venice. So? I shall take it for granted! It's not like I would be banished to Elbonia if I don't thank God everyday for putting me here in Singapore.

I hate people who tell me, "Why didn't you finish your food? Why don't you eat your onions? Do you know how fortunate you are? People in Africa pray for onions!"

My reply would be this: "Whether I force myself to eat the onions or throw them sparingly away, the Africans would still be famished. I shall choose the latter."

Totally no connection. Stupid people.

Disagree with what I am saying? You hate Singapore? Go away then. But XX country possibly doesn't want you. Come to think of it, either does Singapore. Go stick your skull into a fast rotating fan then, bye!

Oh yeah of course:




Happy Birthday my dear Singapore!! One more year till you hit the forties! It is YOU who nurtured me into what I am, and you who is providing a firm ground for me and all my loved ones to stand on, and fine weather for us to grow and strive in. I'll stay loyal to you even if Malaysia buys us up.

Your faithful citizen,
Wendy

Updated: Ha! So many angry comments because of the ACS/MGS/freckles thing. I WAS JOKING, and go get yourself a sense of humour. Meanwhile, I said kantangs usually come from English speaking schools (MGS and ACS being EXAMPLES), not that ALL MGS/ACS people are kantangs. Cheers, and Bah.

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