Why is it that when you have a guy in your life, you have many many guys in your life? (Sentence is not grammatically correct but please ignore it)
Since the guys in question might read this, I shall not elaborate further. That's pretty sad. I shall blog in my private blog. Ha!
IT'S THE PHERAMONES! I SMELL SEXY! YAY BABY I AM SO SHAGADELIC!
Let's talk about my past few days!
1) I got sued!
Wong asked me to be her mock witness (defendant, unfortunately) for a cross examination that she had to do, as you possibly already have read. Ha! So fun! Wong and I have decided that from now on we shall converse cross-examination style. Let me explain ...
This is the conversation we had before Wong told me to convert it to cross-examination format:
Normal Wong: YOU ARE DAMN DISGUSTING TO FLIRT WITH GREYBALLS!
Normal Xiaxue: You said GreyBalls is quite good looking what! Then now I flirt with him you say I gross?
THAT IS WRONG!
This is correct:
Solicitor Xiaxue (in a condescending, mean tone): Miss Wong Ee Kean, I refer you to your AEIC paragraph 40. You mentioned that Mr GreyBalls is, in your own words, "quite good looking", did you not?
Wong the Indignant: Yes I did.
Solicitor Xiaxue: Miss Wong, it is logical for people to flirt with good-looking people. Do you CONCUR?
Wong the Indignant: Yes I do.
Solicitor Xiaxue: Miss Wong, then following your statements, it is then logical, and surely not "damn disgusting", of Miss Xiaxue to flirt with Mr Greyballs - since he is "quite good looking", yes?
*Long pause*
Wong the Indignant: I DISAGREE!
URRRGH!
That made me hop around in anger! How can she disagree?! Slap her!
My solicitor and I! Look at Wong's megawatt cool smile! It spells I-A-M-A-R-I-C-H-L-A-W-Y-E-R! HAHAHAHA Betcha don't have her flair for looking INTIMIDATING AND SMART!
And look at me! I wore all my bling blings so that I look like a rich woman being sued for cheating $100k worth of money! Wow! But come to think of it if I am being sued I shouldn't be so happy.
Ah, I think I should make my Rolex a little more shiny.
Ah there you go:
Wah! Lens flare sia!
They call it the Moot Court!
2) I had a Brazilian wax done!
The million dollar question: Yes, it IS painful, but it is tolerable - and over in a short while. $40 at Strip, Holland Village. Their service is fabulous!
There's how the waxing bed looks like:
Ha! Very dark ah! Look like got ....
GHOST!!!!!! Somebody save me!
Ha ha! Actually that's a Halloween chocolate, cute huh?
I took the photo when the lady left me to get changed. The bed, not the ghost.
Hey girls, if you intend to go get a wax, better listen to this piece of advice!
A friend of mine went, and she wanted to get a triangular patch of pubes.
Pointing DOWNWARDS of course.
More specifically, she wanted an equilateral triangle.
To her horror, she woke up later to realise that what she got was ...
A very narrow isoceles triangle
So narrow, that its base was merely 1 finger thick. No difference from the narrow rectangular strip at all! Tsk tsk. Don't commit that mistake. Now she has to grow the side of the isoceles back to form the equilateral.*comforting pat*
*snigger* OOPS!
HHAHAHA - but it IS quite funny!
Speaking of feminine products/services, lookie!
How many times have we (girls) kanna period and felt very pissed that we have to buy one whole pack of 20 pads for that one day?
Watsons have decided to come up with packs of five, costing $1.99! Cute and compact! How considerate! Now we can just stuff it into our bags. =)
AHHHHHHHHHHH! Wanyi looks like the spiders on the ceiling! Someone bring me the insecticide! (She went for the wax with me)
You, being the judgemental human we all are, will be thinking, "FUCK! This Wanyi girl is
HIDEOUS! (Notice how the
hideous word is in apt mucky green) I will never shag someone with
buck teeth! She is fugly and she looks like spider! Fuck spider also better!"
Ha!
Eat your words!
She is actually ...
Very chio!
With some help of make up and photoshop of mine lah. Hee hee! (If you want photoshop done, email me - I charge around *10 bucks for each picture (*terms and conditions apply!!))
3) To Dbl O with Eileen-Chicken-Pox-Tan.
The horrible Eileen, with her pox infected body, took a $200 needle-shot and surpressed her chicken pox to go out!
She very angry!
You know why? She has the smoothest sexy back in history, but she forgot that she got pox marks (say "pox marks" ten times very fast) all over them!
Ha! Loser! Pox marks still never mind, it looks like ZITS!! MAUAHAHHAHAA
"Not zits ok! I don't have zits on my back!" says the frustrated, misunderstood Eileen.
Her tattoo has become somewhat fuzzier over the years. I remember when she just got it, the outline was so clear that people kept trying to scratch it off, convinced that it is a sticker tattoo.
It got Eileen so angry, she burst into flames.
BUGGER OFF!
STOP TRYING TO SCRATCH MY TATTOO! She would scream in agony. IT IS
REAL!
Nobody believed her and everybody asked her where she got her superglue from.
I kept trying to scratch it at times when she least expected it. Which is like, every five minutes. Hee Hee. Then one day she slapped me with a long, slightly wet, flaccid thing which was skin-coloured. I don't know what it is till this day (or whether it is her body part at all) so I didn't try to scratch her tattoo again.
Eileen wants you to stop discriminating her just because she has chicken pox.
Outside Gallery Hotel in my lucky top**
(**lucky because I get lucky everytime I wear it)
We went to Liquid Room after Dbl O's pageant (Miss Dbl O) was over, and there we met Eileen's boyfriend, whom Eileen got the pox from.
Unlike Eileen who had surpressed pox marks looking like mere zits, her boyfriend looks so spotty Mother Teresa would have run away from him.
This cute American guy wanted to get to know me but saw that my friends were all spotty and disease-ridden and decided that Singaporeans are all filthy and STD infected and turned away in disgust, throwing me a look that clearly said, "You Asians shouldn't be let out in public".
I tried to explain to him but he sprayed pepper spray on my eyes. Very pain. =(
Actually the above didn't happen lah.
But what DID happen is, Eileen's currently spotty boyfriend bought her a HUMONGOUS diamond ring!
Holy Fuckanathan! That thing costs $3,000!!!!
I would like to kindly remind suitors that I am not as greedy. The pair of Levi's I mentioned would do just fine to make my day. =)
**********************
Tinkerbell (Paris Hilton's chihuahua) is a
loser!
Ha ha ha ... It went all squinty-eyed while being in front of Paris Hilton's *AHEM* in a Guess poster! Ha ha ha
I am laughing at it, see?
Ha ha ha ha!
***********************
Remember the
Durex Global Sex Survey I told you guys to take some time ago?
Results are out!
CONGRATULATIONS!! AND CELEBRATIONS!!!
*Runs around the room and throws confetti into the air*
SINGAPORE IS NO LONGER THE LEAST SEXY COUNTRY!
We have passed the baton to JAPAN!
BOO JAPANESE! YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS!
We Singaporeans have more sex than you!
Three cheers for all of us! =)
*more confetti*
And congrats to pretty me!
Lookie!
Durex tells me thank you for my participation ...
And gave me a kickass mousepad!
I AM HAPPY! Happier than you! My life rules! =)
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