Chinese New Year spring-cleaning

Means clearing the house of newspapers...

Means clearing the laundry basket...

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Beans beans the magical fruit

The more you eat, the more you toot!

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MY GAAAAAAwwwd!

I am up for a Bloggie!!! Please do vote for me k? Got prize one leh! I wanna win! More blogging tonight.

Luv,
XX

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Happy Bdae AH CHEW and XIAOYU!!

I was still dreamily leading my life as usual and then it suddenly hit me that I am gonna be freaking 21 this year!

MY GOD AM I OLD OR WHAT?! No offence to older people reading this, but ...

As I was saying, this is a damned milestone in my life! I am now officially an ADULT! Nobody will graciously forgive me anymore, sprouting, "She is just a child/still young." No one. I am R21 now. I cannot slander people carelessly on my blog anymore, stating my tender age as an excuse for my ignorance. If I commit a crime now, I'd go to jail instead of the Girls' Home!

If someone rapes me it is no longer statuary rape (since a long time ago actually)! I was able to drive since 3 years ago! I can now operate complicated machinery, and apply for telephone lines! ERS!

Some people my age already have grandchildren. *sniffs*

The news that I'd turn 21 this year hit me like a tsunami a few days ago because I was caught with a tirade of 21st birthday parties to attend to.

(Left: PY gets scared by the sheer number of 21st birthdays she'd have to attend and presents she'd have to purchase, despite it being her grand day.)

My word, this will be one sad, sad year. My friends are all gonna turn 21 sooner or later, and damned if I don't buy presents or risk being an outcast by boycotting parties.

The good news: The guy friends are all either finishing NS, or the poly ones would be having Army social nights. What has either got to do with me, you ask. Ahhhhh... Not only will I have my male friends back without Army Talk *arms open for embrace*, I'd also be invited to free dinners with my lonely army mates!

Androaaron and Ben have both asked me. I think it is because I look like the sort of girl who can and will bother to 1) actually apply make up 2) wear a dress without having to purchase one. Goooood. Anymore more army guys wish to ask me? I love free dinners.

The parties that will be going on will definitely cause one more problem. This is what happened on the 24th of Jan, 2 days before Xiao Yu's birthday. Xiao Yu is my secondary school friend.

Wong da Lawyer and I, at Macdonalds:

Me, "I'm bored, lets hop over to Shengrong's place."

Wong, "Ok, call him."

*ring ring*

Me, "Yo Shengrong .. Yadda yadda."

SR, "Cannot lah, I need to sleep early. Are you going to Xiao Yu's party on the 26th?"

Me, "What party?!"

SR, "Oh no... oh no..."

Wong, in background, "Ohhh Shengrong you die."

Me, "WHAT PARTY?! She didn't invite me?! BUT WHY??"

Wong, "Hiyah, maybe she forgot."

Me, "WHAT!? U also got invited?! And she didn't invite me?!"

Wong, "You and her very close meh? Anyway, why you wanna go? Must buy present one leh. Siao."

Me, "CLOSE OK!! We, eh... We were in art class together!"

At this point of time, I was beginning to hyperventilate in shock and Sheng rong was forgotten. How, how could Xiaoyu not invite me? I thought hysterically, randomly grabbing passers-by and strangling them around the neck.

I did not cool down until Wong threatened to pour Iced Lemon Tea down my head.

"Call Xiao Feng." I said in a dangerously calm voice.

"For what? What if she is not invited then she will get sensitive," replied Wong.

"Then how? Why she never invite me?!!!!!!"

I begin to break down in tears.

"Call Xiaoyu for me and ask her why leh ... I just want to know why that's all. Don't tell her I am with you."

"Ok."

*ring ring*

"Hello Xiaoyu, the party the day after ... Did you invite Yan yan?"

I was grabbing the edge of my Macdonalds seat so hard it shattered into smithereens.

Wong continued, "Oh.... You did?"

I had an orgasm.

Wong turned to me.

"You speak to her yourself la!" and disgustedly passed the phone to me. (Now, Wong is acting oh-so-cool about being invited just because she IS invited. If she were left out, I'm sure she'd kick up a bigger fuss and mope around for days.)

"Xiaoyu... You didn't invite me! I am very sad!"

Xiaoyu, "What nonsense! I did! You were one of the first people I sent the message to leh!"

"I never receive!!"

Xiaoyu, "Got got... Don't be silly! You and Xiao Feng and Ek are one of the first few that I sent to lor, confirm got send."

Me, "Ok ..."

Xiaoyu, "So you coming not? Must come ah!"

Me, "Ok ..."

Xiaoyu, "Hey why you say you never received? I sent to your singtel number lor! Must be you delete my message right? Bo xim leh you! You delete my message because you don't wanna come!"

Me, "I didn't!!"

Xiaoyu, "I am very sad lor you delete my message!"

Now, this is what I call an expert. Xiaoyu not only presented a very credible argument even if she did forget to invite me, she also managed to turn the tables, using advanced reverse psychology, such that I WAS THE GUILTY ONE!

How cool is that?

I think I shall take a leaf outta Xiao Yu's book and do the exact same thing should such a scenario happen during my birthday. Hmmm... No idea what to do yet though... Party? Party.

Pictures!

Peiying's first! Celebrated at Crystal Jade:



Peiying looks like she is saying, "Eh, every single day I turn 21 and I am so bored but all the standard procedures and common celebrations!"

Ah dong, totally oblivious to Ah Chew's -_- face, sings the world's most sang song happily, complete with enthusiastic clapping.



Chew PY with Junyi, Liping and Yvonne.
Peiying was so grouchy she blew the candles twice wrongly before even singing the accursed birthday song.



A group shot.
Wah rao.... MY FRINGE!
Cut damn fucking short lah. Damn those Kimage people.



And she blows the cake. No wait. Blows the candles on the cake.



"Yes! Finally! We get to eat the damn cake!" says Peiying.
Eekean (not so) secretly agrees.



Hmmm. Love photos of Eekean stuffing her face.
Isn't she so cute??
Awwww.
Meanwhile, Ghimz and Junyi (behind) tucks in with chopsticks kindly provided by Crystal Jade.

Next up! Xiaoyu's birthday party held at Chervons!



So cute! Xiaoyu collect some plastic balls and placed confetti and sweets inside!

I took the confetti out and threw them on Seokhui (RV classmate), much to her displeasure.
*throws confetti in air* Yay!



My gosh, the FOOD!! Got sting ray, butter prawns, curry and much more! Eat until damn fat.



Xiaoyu (middle) instructed us to puff our cheeks as the pic was taken.

Seok smartly disobeyed while I look like a highly unphotogenic chipmunk with herpes. Ok, maybe not herpes, but still! Damn ugly.



Seok, sitting gleefully the wrong way on a random beach bench, spreads her arms to show us just exactly how beautiful Chervons is.



Ripple and I. Love her damn shiny hair lah! *pouts*

Also got some random photos to show:



This photo is quite ugly, but check out THAT BEAUTIFUL NECKLACE!! Damn chio right? It is GOLD ok! I ordered it from an obscure shop in Clementi for $300, inclusive of chain. Notice also that the font is like the one on the main pic! Ooooh! Love it.



The pretty Eileen putting make up!



Was walking along Orchard when I saw some Burger King mascots prancing around. To my astonishment, not only were the Whooper and Fries around but also a ridiculous packet of ONION RINGS! Also notice that his eyes are not exactly aligned ... What is he so happy about anyway?



Me, Clara and Androaaron during a class gathering.

And ... lastly ...


I just love this picture. =)

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Lewd.

Shuyin and I were walking pass Calvin Klein's boutique in Takashimaya.

Ok ... Nice shop and all ...



Mannequins on display on a faux fur thingy... Saleman rushing around with fushsia dress.............



WAHAHAHHAHAHA! Shuyin is laughing at her! And look! The male mannequin has a bulging crotch! Gotta be the sexy pose that allured him, despite the headlessness. Oh wait. He is headless too.

p/s: Sent the picture to Shuyin and was chatting with her via Hello since MSN was down last night. She was v irritated by the picture because she said the mannequin was in a very kang kor (awkward) position. Looks like she is suffering a neck cramp, ay?

WHAT WAS THE DISPLAY PERSON THINKING??!

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The list is out!

Some time ago Eileen (Tan) told me about this imaginary list that men might have for women they have shagged. The list would consist of different types of women with different criteria - ie: Shagged twins (Both). CHECK! Shagged a virgin. CHECK! Shagged SG girl. CHECK! In da plane! CHECK! Shagged a pixie. CHECK!

This list in its totality after they have reached impotency would be THE list of their life. It doesn't matter how many degrees they have, or how big their fortunes are. God meant for men to spread their seed when they came (pun unintended) to Earth, and the list would show how accomplished they are!

And then yesterday she bombarded me again with a sexual fantasy of hers. I'd have to ask her permission before revealing it to the world. Ahem.

I want also!! Me me me! Here's my list of date-able/shaggable men! Since it sounds very slutty to say I wanna screw so many people, I shall write that I wanna only date them. Dating is defined as meeting up alone with him, whether or not he notices my existance - (ie being in lonely cinema with a solioquy of Brad Pitt showing also counted as date)

(Disclaimer below)

Please take note of the time. It is 10 freaking am. I woke up to pass something to someone, and I got this silly idea in my head and I cannot go back to sleep without blogging it out. Speaking of blogging woes, Eileen The-Alcoholic Tan was having a furious and noisy MSN debate with herself (and also a not-reading me) on whether she should drink now, or drink later. I told her, since I am not a drinker I am thankful I don't have that sort of dilemmas.

KNN she told me that she is at least better than me, everyday wake up must decide whether want to close the blog, or don't close the blog. Sarcasm? YOU BET.

So anyway, BACK TO THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF MY LIFE!!

1)Pilot. Speaking of air-crew, a friend of mine told me that he shagged an air stewardess ON THE PLANE ITSELF. If you also did, he said, you are welcome to join the Mile High Club, all puns on the "high" intended. Now, how is that possible? you ask. Apparently the airplane, at its very end, has a little compartment for the stuff to take a rest and work shifts if they are flying long flights.

He managed to convince a stewardess to bring him over to the room where they had a quickie on her bed, since it was empty in the day and the all other girls were working. The bed was described as "cramped, small and double-tiered". Hmmm. Except for the mini fact that only missionary is possible, IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME!

Hmmm. If Howard Hughes were still alive, I'd love to meet him at his cockpit.

Alright. Should date pilot. And perferably join the Mile High Club as a result.

Army pilot counted? Okie lah, whatever.

2) Actor/singer who is famous because of looks (whether or not he admits it).

3) Mannequin model. Who has a trail of sexy stomach hair leading to the ... erm. *blushes*

4) Doctor. Perferably with a specialty.

5) Guy with a convertible car.

6) Guy whose parents or himself owns a yacht and actually can operate it! Although it would possibly be nauseating to do anything on board ...

7) Fellow Mensan (must be good-looking).

8) Cute JC guy. Oh my gosh! I want either ACJC or RJC. Ha!

9) Lawyer. A young one I guess.

10) Is from exotic country: France, Italy, Timbuktoo. Hmmm... Spanish.

11) Famous blogger. (MR BROWN IS MARRIED WITH KIDS YOU PERVES don't even try going there. I am thinking Andrew Sullivan. Married too? Alright. MADDOX!!!) Tucker Max not counted because he is a whore.

12) Is a porn star by profession and is not Japanese or Hentai character.

13) I wanted to say firemen, but there is a fire station/civil defense thingy near Shuyin's place and the firemen (I think they are firemen) there are just plain gross. Scrap it.

13) Nuclear scientist.

14) BLONDE. A real one. With blue eyes. Tucker Max still not counted.

15) Twins.

16) Is a pirate by profession.

17) Is an elf by profession. Failing which, has extremely pointy ears, is squeaky clean and smell of flowers.

18) Owns/parents own at least five country club memberships. We can club-hop and have hot sex on golf courses!

19) Is not only a model but a nude model. Underwear model counted.

20) Enemy's boyfriend.

21) Reigning beauty king/Singapore Idol/Star Search winner.

22) Current Prestige/Singapore Tattler cover man, whichever issue it may be. (Meaning when I date him he must be on that cover)

23) Come to think of it the current Giordano model too.

24) Royalty!

25) NSA personnel.

26) A ballerina! But cannot be faggoty.

27) In Team Singapore for whatever reasons. I don't really like athletes because I can never be one, but well ... they are nicely sculpted, most anyway.

28) CEOs of listed companies. Or maybe their sons.

I can't think of anymore. I shall go sleep. Shall add to the list later I think. Or delete it.

(Disclaimer: This list is a joke. Kidding. Get it?)

p/s: I know Andrew Sullivan is gay. -_-

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Yawn.

Hello hello! *Waves in a mad friendly manner* Yes indeed, I'm here again! As some of you have smartly predicted, I would not be gone. Oh no ... Yes, too much effort has been put into this blog. And hey, the blog earns me money! The threat to close down was simply a sarcastic mock on Fiona Xie's childish one. -_-

I'm sorry if I scared some of you. Not happy? Erm sorry, but please go away and don't come back, will ya? *smiles indulgently*

Now yesterday night I fell asleep thinking a little about the comments, and this morning I woke up STILL thinking about the stupid comments. This literally means that I have thought about the comments for a whole damn night!

I woke up with a jolt (don't ask how I can wake up with a jolt since I was thinking before I woke up. Ok fine, I just wanted to use a cliche, can or not? Can't someone use a cliche nowadays, huh?!) and a ridiculous urge to scold the world in general - so that's what my blog is for isn't it?

And here I am!

It REALLY pisses me off to see how stupid some people are. Really. Sometimes, the point is there, solidly there, complete with embossing, shadowing and all, in font size 72 no less - but people still miss it.

Is my writing that bad?

Ok first off:

1) Why do you write about Fiona? She never did anything to you.

Let's go beyond the petty issue of her having bigger tits and a wispier voice then me. The issue here is not "Why?", but "Why not?".

Why do writers write? To express an opinion. "Oh," but you exclaim. "When your opinion might hurt others, you should think twice Xiaxue!"

Bullshit. Let me repeat that in a larger font: BULLSHIT. First off, as I mentioned, writing anything can hurt anyone. For example when I said "I wouldn't hurt a flea!", a flea mutant who has evolved to know how to read might think to himself, "Damn, these humans think they are so much better than we fleas!" and decide to commit suicide after that.

My fault?

I don't think so. With this logic of "not harming" others in writing, no one can be objective in their writings anymore.

Have you ever trashed a movie? Ever thought of the director's feelings if he hears you? What if .. oh no! ... he decides to close down his blog after what you said about his movie and never direct again?

Can I roll my eyes now in a completely rude manner? I think I shall. *roll eyes*

It is not about Fiona Xie never doing anything to me. It's about her doing something I disagree with. So I comment. If she didn't want anyone to comment, then don't write anything in the blogosphere! You have a right to love her literary works; and I have a right not to. Simple as that.

Some of you also blamed me for my readers spamming her tagboard. Is it my fault? Could I have stopped them? And as you people have said, how would I know my information about her is correct? I don't for sure - nobody can know for sure 100% - but I believe in it. If I didn't remember wrongly, I said I am withholding information which I cannot authenticate, and it is up to readers' own discretion to believe me or not.

It is not a sin for celebrities to BLOG. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE FIONA/STUPID PEOPLE STOP HAVING YOU HEAD IN YOUR ASS SINCE WHEN DID I SAY IT IS A SIN TO BLOG, NOR DO ANYTHING ELSE?! I don't even believe in sinning. I said I am fine with fucking around, didn't I? Just don't pretend not to. Duh. Fiona: "But I don't! I neber!" Me: *whistles*

Since when did I become an ambassador for truth? I never did. But I just had an opinion to share. =)

Why only Fiona? Because only she blogs.

2) Xiaxue I used to love your blogs. Now it is just sadly (just) like a tabloid, because of two mere articles you wrote which was 'anti-christ' and 'celebrity gossip'.

Now this one pisses me off so much, that I am strangling my dog right now. Oh! WHAT AM I DOING?! Sorry Cloudo. As I was saying, I am very pissed off.

To the people who said that, screw you. Since when was that article "ANTI-CHRIST"? I wrote really loudly that I am talking about the behaviour of only certain types of Christians who taint Christianity, and my personal qualms about having a family member turn into a different religion from the rest of my family. Not my fault if you didn't hear correctly.

Excuse me, but since when did Atheists get banned from expressing their opinions, or face accusations of being Anti-Christ? I am, and never was, "ANTI" Christ for Christ's sake. If pesky Christians (only the pesky ones) don't bother me, I'd be politely indifferent to the religion. Since they do, I am Anti-peskyChristians. Not Anti the whole damn religion.

And meanwhile, Dimwit, tabloids do not even write ANTI-CHRIST articles.

Second point: THE FUCKING FIONA XIE ARTICLE IS NOT ABOUT CELEBRITY GOSSIP. It is about hypocrisy. If it were any other normal girl writing that same blog I'd diss it all the same if I knew of elements of hypocrisy in it. OK maybe I wouldn't. The mere fact that propelled me to write it is that stupid fans are DUPED, and I don't like it when people are DUPED by some obvious two-facedness.

Fiona Xie has a right to act like whatever she wants to be and it is not my business? Not your business what I am writing about it then, huh?

"Just a tabloid"? Ooooooh. Never mind the little articles about my life that I wrote recently. Never mind those. Let's just focus on this article and the belated Christmas one and say her whole blog is a tabloid.

Xiaxue go back to you old writing style of Jeremy/Eddy sagas! I love reading them and not all these supposedly controversial issues because ... it scares me that you have such horrid thoughts! *chews fingernails in wide-eyed terror*

Any smarter being would have realised by now that I cannot write about who I like anymore, else he would be totally freaked out because he would read it. Isn't it OBVIOUS? I still write about my friends though. But if one day, the guy I like knows I like him, and tells me, "Hey Wendy, if you write about me on your blog I would not ever be scared that you put a picture of me with the caption 'Small penis man' at the bottom with sheer vindictiveness!", I'd be sure to inform you, don't worry.

I also remember very clearly that I do write supposedly controversial stuff in the past, but did you read it? If you happened to miss out that very early and very "anti-christ" (note for the slow: It is not really anti-christ) entry, then I suggest you go read it before hollering around that I am all demure and cutesy in my previous entries.

Coz Xiaxue.blogspot.com is like that, and it is not about to change.

Now bugger off. Also, shall put back previous entry coz some people have not read it and also, if Fiona Xie is so damn weak, then she should just drop dead and stop trying to show how ke lian (piteous) she is to the world. The last I heard, she is not like that.

I spit uncivilisedly. Pui!

I'm also going to Velvet tonight. If I see drunken stars, I'd be sure to take photos and show you yeah? If you hate me, I suggest you pay a couple of tens to go inside and slap me. Careful though, I might burn your hair with a flaming lamborghini!

Love,
Wendy

p/s: Now that I've blogged all that out I am not angry anymore! More demure and cutesy entries, in full edited photo glory, later.

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