I was going to blog about rainbows, chendols, epilators and other and delightful happy things, but today everything bad came along and ruined 1/(365*20) of my life.
I stomped out from a business meeting where I was furious with myself for not being as assertive as I vowed to be. There I was, this single insignificant but malicious creature standing along a Singapore road, seething and steaming in anger. Apparently I really suck at business meetings because I tend to keep quiet and let the other party take the lead and go on while I meekly sit in silence, not daring to oppose anything I happen to disagree with.
This is definitely not consistent with my usual behaviour. Maybe it has to do with my age, for I feel it is disrespectful to retort businessmen who are much older and more experienced than me, even if they were obvious bullies.
That is not the point. The point is, having met whoever I met today for a few times already, I've been advised to speak my mind to this fellow (about him actually giving me money for a service instead of just profit sharing) TODAY because I have merely whimpered in his presence for the past few times I met him, completely not saying what I have to, and thus wasting both of our time.
This time, I told myself I must be confident and speak up. To my credit I did, but I sounded like an abused environmentalist with a gag. After he got the gist of what I was stuttering incoherently, he bellowed with laughter and asked in the most incredulous tone he could muster: WHY HE SHOULD PAY ME?!
Why indeed.
Before I could go into the million reasons why he should, he went on about why he SHOULDN'T, while I hung my head down actually feeling pretty ashamed that I should have asked such a thing.
Don't know what came over me. Anyway, after the meeting the cloud of confusion cleared up, and I realised I've been STUPID once again. I also remembered taking a cab to the place, thus wasting $9.70 and also missing lunch.
I then made a phone call. It involved a person I rather liked telling me he would like to fuck a friend of mine and whether I could make the introduction for him.
This made me very very angry indeed.
I called Eileen and started to complain in soft gentle tones, just kidding, really loud tones, until Eileen asked me in a rather hurt voice how come I am hollering like my windpipe just got back from a ski in the alps. (At this point of time I committed my third mistake of the day which is to complain to Eileen when she has been waiting patiently for a call from me to wish her a happy happy 23rd birthday [which I plainly forgot])
As I was shouting at Eileen something ultimately unpleasant happened.
This fellow, who could be best described as having a typical MLM salesman look (and most possibly is), walked towards me. He was in a grey shirt, black trousers, and had most unflattering golden streaks in this black hair which partially obstructed his oily, late-twenties face.
I don't have problems with his appearance. I did, however, have a problem with the thing he was holding. A Sony Erisson handphone I believe, with a camera. He failed majestically to act like he wasn't taking my photo because not only was the lens directed at me, his phone was held far too high/straight to be credible for msging.
Never mind that this oily fellow was taking my photo. That is ok. But no! His phone had to be aiming at my ... cleavage. (My blouse wasn't even that low cut lor, cmon)
At this point of time you may be wondering about the cartoon. Ok, I got the head of the man by searching "pervert" in google image, so yup, don't you think it is just so apt?
Back to the story, since I was speaking with Eileen and the man was walking pretty fast, I let him go off.
Later on, HE DID SOMETHING VERY RIDICULOUS. HE U-TURNED. He caught up with me, and ...
SEMI-TURNED AROUND WHILE STANDING SIDE-BY-SIDE WITH ME, AIMED HIS CAMERA AT MY INNOCENT BOOBS, AND PRETENDED TO BE LOOKING AT SOMETHING OVER MY SHOULDER.
Someone give this man a Subtlety Award please, I can hardly stand it.
He then proceeded to walk really fast ahead, where he stopped at a bus stop.
Eileen and I finished our conversation, and so I was just walking alone now. He also didn't know that I was a particularly furious individual at that point of time.
When I had to inevitably walk pass that fucker at the bus stop, he turned and aimed another shot, just "happening" to be standing at the opposite direction of his fellow commuters (which was facing the road, naturally).
So bloody obvious.
I strangled him.
Ok I didn't. And that is because his face is really oily. That, and I am scared he asks me to buy MLM.
But I did shout at him in a perfectly audible and plenty loud voice, "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!"
The fucker stammered something. I cut him off and continued, "You were trying to take my photos right?"
He said, "No... I... I wasn't," and with shifty movements tried to show me the screen of the phone which he obviously had exited the camera mode.
"THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING BACK AND FORTH?"
"I... I was looking for a sign."
Sign my ARSE. Bloody muthafucker is dishonest AND intensely stupid as well as lecherous.
2 split seconds later I was realised it was my turn to speak and I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I gave him the dirtiest look I could arrange my facial muscles to form and muttered, "JERK." after rolling my eyes in what I hoped was a vehement fashion.
I then stomped off.
As I was chewing on a Pau Dian carrot cake (nicest carrot cake in the universe) much later, I realised I was being too kind. I should have snatched the phone from him (yikes, oily. And I think he masturbates to it), delete my photos, then accuse him of saving them in some obscure folder and thus giving me a reason to toss the phone out into the road where it becomes electronic roadkill.
I should then kick his balls, take a photo of him wincing in pain, and publish it on this site saying that this man is in pain because he just had a belly button transplant. Of course no such thing happened, which will piss him off infinitely because random people would ask him how come he needed to transplant his belly button, did he forget to plug out his umbilical or something *snigger snigger*? where he would go mad eventually and really transplant his belly button just so that he can answer the questions without going mad.
But NO! All I said was "Jerk."
I am still very angry! ARRRgggghh! I hope he gets a million ulcurs on both of his hands and they rapture and/or implode with a vengence. When he wants to wank, which he no doubt will, he realises he cannot use his hands and attempts to use his feet, which unless he is a yoga master he can't (and he isn't a yoga master because he is an MLM salesman). The feet are infected with an unidentified green fungus with yellow secretions and smells so bad it renders his said genitalia flaccid and unable to erect for the rest of his adult life. When he is all senile and have not wanked for 49.2 years, he decides it is time to try with a glass bottle. He valiently goes ahead, not noticing it contains concentrated sulfuric acid.
HMPF!
Ok I am done with complaining. To be fair to the day, it wasn't all that bad lah. I had great fun with Shuyin, Wanyi and Alvin Lam (their schoolmate) at KTV. In the morning a newpaper photojournalist also came to my place to take a shoot.
That's right! The ambassadorship has caught the attention of Edwin Yeo (he is actually a friend of mine) when he glanced through the blog. Edwin is, as most of you already know, a newpaper reporter lah. (Due to an unfortunate miscommunication Turodrique and I both thought we sent the press release to Newpaper where we both thought wrong) So yay, gonna be on papers! =) No idea when though, should be the day after?
We did the interview at Wisma, but Edwin refused to let me take a photo of him, rudely claiming he doesn't want to be on my blog (in a tone like one would exclaim that they don't want to be on an obiturary page).
Therefore, I took a photo of his hand.
Excuse the ciggie.
Anyway, as I was saying, Edwin conducted the interview in Wisma where I got more and more amazed as the interview went on.
This is because he was writing in shorthand.
Everytime someone asks me whether I can write in shorthand, I always say I can, because I have no idea what it is. I thought it just means shortforms like B4 and TMR and what's nots.
But I had no idea it is a foreign language altogether:
It reads: The weather is so nice. The lady in front has a nice cleavage. I am very amazed at the way you write cleavage. And so on.
Amazing right! To think I accused Edwin of horrible handwriting initially.
Ok, sleep time. Nights! It is 5.34 now. AM!
Of course, happy happy (belated) birthday beautiful Eileen! I love you! (Now everyone wish her too ok!!)
Disclaimer: Sorry, realised the shorthand text might be easily mistaken. Edwin told me to say something so that he could write it down. So I said the weather is nice, and that the lady in front had a nice cleavage (a random angmoh woman). It wasn't HIM talking about ME. Obviously he couldn't let me take a picture of the interview details lest people who can read shorthand reads what he says. Anyway, further proof the cleavage lady wasn't me? I was wearing a LocalBrand tee that day which shows no cleavage whatsoever.
I had a #^&@(^$# day!
Come meet me!!
Hello hello ladies, gentlemen and violentmen!
It is my pleasure to announce that the very deep NUS Political Science Society (website at http://www.PSSOC.org) is setting up a stall at a bazaar held at the Forum (which is near the central library co-op and the, erm, Grinning Gecko). Apparently they have approached Turodrique Fuad, who is founder and ahem, designer of LocalBrand, (for which I am ambassador of by the way), to sell his tees there!
HA! Good news doesn't end here ladies and gentlemen! The tees, usually sold at a ridiculously luxurious price of $25 (!), have been drastically reduced to a miniscule amount of $20 - which I heard, is not even enough to feed a duck-billed platypus for 16 days.
Hear hear! Mr Turodrique Fuad, eccentric-designer-cum-moral-vegetarian, has decided to extend this already absurb generosity by - gasp - lowering the price of his tees by another $5 to daring students who muster up enough courage to show proof of a C+ or BELOW on a recent test paper. The end result is of course very disappointed but pleased students with tee shirts so affordable, they wouldn't even know what hit them.
According to Mr Fuad, 32 (coincidentally my bust size), he thinks it is easy enough to reward the hardworking, but hey, let's give the kids a break. No doubt, yours truly thinks Mr Fuad might have gone through some personal trauma as a University student who scored below C+ all the time.
"WHAT HAS ALL THESE GOT TO DO WITH ME?!" you Xiaxue blogders exclaim with a frantic sort of malice. Well, the thing is that I WOULD BE THERE from 12pm to 2pm to, erm, meet whoever wants to see me without any form of photoshop! Ha!
I'd also sign the tees for you if you want me to. *blushes* (A bit paiseh to self-promote.)
Do come ok? Can buy me some food also I reckon, the timing so awkward. I don't eat parsley and Vietnamese.
Time: 12pm to 2pm
Venue: Forum, NUS
See ya all! =) Read The Full Article
What have been keeping me busy
Recently, after Spring cleaning that is, I've been obsessed with making my room neat.
I decided to clean out my wardrobe! For those of you who don't know me, or rather, don't know me well enough to have ever seen my wardrobe, it is a gigantic 3 closet affair (around 1.5 of the usual wardrobe's size that is) and overspilling with clothes.
Around half a year ago I had a wardrobe clean-out, and I gave away two FULL trashbags of clothes (a lot of which once belonged to Eileen).
Recently the fucking cupboard got so messy, it took a full-scale SWAT mission to find a particular piece of clothing. Even Super Sunday's Ah Liang cannot help me, I tell you.
The final straw broke when Eileen asked me to return her her cap, which I knew was in the cupboard, and could not find. No matter now much I flipped the clothes here and there, I couldn't see the deeply buried headgear. Imagine that!
IT IS TIME FOR A CLEAN OUT!
This is only half - bottoms and PJs
And ... Presenting the clothes I decided I do not want anymore:
Shuyin, Wanyi and Eileen, who came treasure hunt through the pile, had a field day I tell you.
Had a count:
49 sleeveless tops
20 tubes
32 sleeved tops
11 long sleeved tops
9 shirts
20 jackets and pullovers
= 141 tops (can wear for 5 months without repeating)
29 skirts
15 pants and jeans
6 beach shorts
= 50 bottoms
25 dresses (Anyone wanna try to beat that? I already gave away 5)
27 PJs
And ... 143 unwanted clothes
Grand total = 386 clothes!
If every piece costed an average of $15, which it definitely wouldn't be (should be more coz of the Levis and dresses), it would be a WHOOPING $5,790 CAN!
How gross is that?!! And you know what? The number is not even correct, because quite some of the clothes are in the wash.
I don't remember having so much money, even though quite a bit of the clothes were given by kindred spirits.
Anyway, found some funny clothes!!
RETRO SIA! The old RV PE tee! Now no longer available in the market because RV changed its PE gear to cheap fugly polo tees during the millenium. When I was still a chao lian I used to tuck it all the way into the waistband very tight so that people can see my bra is black. WTH! *Very ashamed of self*
MY GOD! WILL YOU HAVE A LOOK AT THAT!
It is a fucking SHU NU SKIRT!
Tsk! I don't know when I bought it, but hell is it shu nu! Shu nu stamped all over it man!
I kept it. Shall suddenly wear it when my friends are least expecting it, just to scare them. Ha!
Horror of horrors coming up:
"It is not that bad what," you say. YOU ARE WRONG!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
WOAH!!! FIRE SIA! That Chinese word is my name (Yan from Cheng Yan Yan), AND I DESIGNED THE TEE!!
The t-shirt dates back to 1999 when I was with someone called Patrick, and I designed and made LOVER TEES FOR US! Surrounded with FIRE! The ultimate beng of beng I tell you. His tee wrote "Zhong" (loyalty - and also his Chinese name). *looks ashamed once again* But hey, that stupid tee costs $30 ok!
The end result!
Wah, so neat! And I went mad and labelled the compartments too!
Let's zoom in:
Ok, boys reading this, move away, far far away.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Alright. I don't know if any of you girls have experienced this, but don't you find you always forget your menstruation date? Especially since it would be something pretty close to last month's date and you will get all confused.
I deviced a way to solve that problem. Using a cardboard, I wrote 1-30 on it, and stuck the thing to the place where I store my pads. The top part is not scorchtaped, so I put in a plastic tag which can move, and pasted a small heart on it. This part is where the white arrow is pointing.
So, every month when the annoying thing comes, I'd definitely remember to shift the heart tag to the appropriate date coz that's where I need to take the pads! Quite brilliant eh?! Ok it is not brilliant. Just pretty handy for lazy people like me. =)
Boys can continue reading now.
Sobs. So neat. I am so proud of myself. I even put Jerry into a cleaner place. He is now my bogeyman. Sobs. My mama saw what I was doing, came over to give me a hug and a kiss, and told me I am so guai and she is touched. *BAWLS*
************************
I didn't really want to blog tonight, because I was doing something else ...
Started to doodle ...
First it was just pencil drawings ...
And then ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
NICE NOT!!! A MURAL! I started from 1am and finished at 4am. Took out some white paint which was left over from last time we painted the house and PAINTED MY WALL! I know some parts are missing, but hey, I'm pretty satisfied with the results!
Boy am I talented. *smug*
Here's a view of it with more of the room ...
So pretty! I like it. NO ONE SUPPOSED TO INSULT IT! Or I curse you, may all your eyebrows be singed by a mad arsonist tomorrow.
p/s: I realised I've left out some Abbie pics and added them on. Scroll down!! Very cute! Read The Full Article
Classics
Woot! You'd possibly have noticed the "Classics" box on the right, which I've chosen some of the more prominent blog entries.
I'm only judging by the reaction I've gathered from blogders, and maybe some personal preference. What do you guys think ought to be there, and what should not be? Tell me, and I'd change it accordingly. Cheers!!
Wendy
My newest obsession
Wonder why everyone's looking at me?
"Mmmm bhmmm" (May be my cheeks?)
Her parents just trimmed her eyelashes to enhance its future growth, so it's a pity you didn't see her eyes in full glory. She has double eyelids!
Oh no the thighs! Haha!
Yawn...
Hmmm? (Shuyin's uncle behind)
Heehee! She smiles!
oooh!! She holds my finger~!
Sooooooooooo cute! It's a pity the photos are so grainy and dim, coz baby pics cannot be taken with flash (supposed to be bad for the eyes I think?), and I had to jack up the contrast. Really, the photos don't do her justice -- it is not reflecting her downy curls, her flushed rosy cheeks and most of all a lack of the 3rd dimension which make all that cuteness more realistic. Ha ha... Lousy camera. I have a mind to smash it.
Oops I forgot to introduce her! Her name is Abigail, Shuyin's cousin's baby (which means it is SY's niece). Very adorable right? Around 4 months old. Shuyin kept haolianing her pictures around until I buay tahan and keep pestering her to let me see Abbie. In the end she had to give in (think it was when I was pulling her hair)! Ha!
p/s: I am really apprehensive about allowing comments. Because no matter what, there would be mean people around.
I don't mind mean comments about me, but I hate it when people are rude to my friends. They are innocent parties, and you don't know them, so please think of their feelings ok? Please don't say mean things about Abbie - she is only a baby and never harmed anyone (except being so cute everyone's addicted to her) - nor Shuyin, nor the baby's parents who were kind enough to let me see her (realise it is pretty awkward to just pop by their place like that). It is not nice if they open this page and see mean stuff about their bundle of joy. You wouldn't like anyone saying anything bad about your baby if you had one, would you?
People tell me I shouldn't delete comments, but I will. I will delete anything that hurts my friends' feelings.
Thank you for your time, sorry for the sermons, and do moan about how cute she is now! Wahahhaha.
What celebrity where?!!
*giggles*
Hello everyone! As some of you might have already known, I've recently been appointed (important voice) as LocalBrand's AMBASSADOR! Wah! Zhun boh?
So what's this LocalBrand thingy? LocalBrand is a local brand for t-shirts with some, eh, daringly different messages. =) I like! Its handsome founder, Turodrique Fuad (his forehead here - doesn't look too handsome though.), was apparently around the shop when I was looking at his tees and declared himself a blog reader.
Things got on from there and I am now 3 months pregnant. Ha! Kidding. KIDDING! So anyway, we decided that I'd be the perfect endorsement board, as, according to him, I'm controversial and pretty like his tees. =)
I asked Turodrique (pronounced To-raw-drick) what happens if LocalBrand goes overseas and he said something like it will maintain its name. *shrugs, mumbles, no longer local what ...* Anyway that's not the point! Lookie at the pink wholesome sluts tee on top! That's LocalBrand! If you wanna see more, feel free to look at the site I guess. And if you like them, drop Turodrique an email. He'll squeal in joy! Even better, buy the tees. If you don't like the messages, i.e you have something against all the three teated women or wholesome sluts in the world, YOU CAN ALSO BURN HIS TEES AND DROP HIM A HATEMAIL!! Yay!
Might as well answer some FAQs here:
Is this the first time bloggers are getting paid for endorsement deals ala celebrities?
In Asia at least, I'm pretty sure it is the first. And I am honoured I am part of it. ;)
What do you think this symbolises?
I guess it is interesting to know that it is no longer just the models, actresses, or singers who are actually earning money from their fame. I foresee that more such deals are coming for the bloggers because not only do the bloggers have constant explosure without having to vie for airtime, they also have full editorial control as well as a certain credibility among its readers which the other stars might not have.
Are you gonna become this disgusting money-making bitch who is gonna bombard us with advertisements? Are you not going to be as truthful as you used to be?
No! I've had some other endorsement offers before this which I turned down because the brand is not ME. I'd never endorse anything which is not me. Editorial content will be exactly like before. I wouldn't force you guys to buy anything. If you like it, go ahead. If you don't ... well take it as a normal tee that I'm just wearing!
How much is this Turodrique guy paying you? Who is he anyway? Why is his name like that?
He is paying me 2 peanuts everytime I wear the tees. Ha! Nah... Industrial SECRET. FUCK DO I FEEL HAPPY! I remember the umpteen times I have to ask the stupid stars when I was working for Today how much the companies are paying to endorse them and they give me the smug face and say how sorry they are but they cannot reveal the amount. NOW MY TURN! Ask me again leh!
Ok, how much is he paying you, again?
Eh, I'm sorry but I cannot tell you. I can safely say it is an ambiguous 7 digit figure. Non Sg currency, that is.
And Turodrique ... Well his name is very weird coz he is Indonesian Chinese (*sniggers* their names are all very funny one lar) and all I know is that he quit a high paying design firm (his own, that is) to start the brand. The name is actually Rodrique but his grandpa or dad, cannot remember which, insisted on the Tu in front as that's the surname or something (then what is Fuad? Apparently I wasn't listening). His brother is called Turonny. Like very Tyranny. Heng no brother is called Bao Zi.
Are you exploiting us?!!!
... HOW?
Sheesh, are you gonna keep wearing tee shirts? But I wanna see more boob!
I'd remember to tell Turodrique to cut two holes in the boob area for his next tee.
I suppose you are darn full of yourself right now? *disgusted smirk*
Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to charge. la la la...
Still too hot! I'd try to blog tmr afternoon. Loads and loads to write about. Love ya all!
Comments about the pics!! =) Read The Full Article
Just so you know ...
I just stepped into my room, which has no aircon, from my mum's room, which has aircon.
Immediately, the heat greeted me like a giant punch enveloping every part of my body, its intensity a shocking high.
I tolerated it enough to drag myself into the sweltering room, where I turned on the computer and typed out this much.
I cannot stand it any longer. I am sure I am getting a heat stroke. Dizzyness, visions of leafy mirages, melting necks - aren't all these signs of my condition?
The love for blogging, though reaching a pretty amazing peak these few days due to the rarity of the activity, is not sufficient for me to risk deathhhhh......... *melts*
I am gonna scurry back to the airconditioned room; it is too hot to blog.
