I had this dream.
I dreamt that there were two Indian mamashop owners who were cannibals. They wanted to eat up my RV friends (who are, since RV is a Chinese school, all Chinese).
Somehow, we ended up in a desert, and they ate somebody up. I was damn scared I was to be next. However, they seemed to be full with one RV student, and were quite friendly to the rest of us after that.
We sat down in a circle (with like 7 or 8 other students) and the two cannibals started to demand that we all say 
[that's Chinese proverbs, or idioms, I don't know], one by one. Although they wouldn't understand, it would be entertaining to hear.
One by one my RV schoolmates came up with ridiculously difficult proverbs/idioms that I cannot recite for my life. But I knew the idioms were correct because I've heard them before la, but you know, you cannot just recall all at one time like that.
We got through like 6 idioms, and everybody applauded when someone said something difficult. I was amazed at their Chinese standards. It was spectacular the amount of proverbs they can come up with, though I cannot remember them now.
When it got to my turn, I said 
. They all exclaimed I was wrong, because it is a 
and not a . (In which, I now checked and realised it is a )
I was very sad, because I thought my proverb was very cheam and impressive. I think, if I am not failing my primary school (higher chinese) teacher, that the stork got into a fight with a clam or something, while they fought the fisherman go catch them and he tan dio from the fight. It is used to ask people not to fight or others will benefit from it.
I woke up.
When I woke up, I realised there was no need to be so impressed with all my schoolmates, BECAUSE ALL THE PROVERBS WERE IN MY HEAD! Amazing right? I cannot say them if my life depended on it, and yet in the dream?
Wah! I am actually a Chinese expert if I can get all the stuff into my conscious self! Next time, I must try to do differentiation in my dreams! Maybe, maybe, I can even calculate the trajectory paths of warheads! I am a sub-conscious genius, and Mensa concurs!
Speaking of stupidity, my friend, let's call him Lindt (fuck their chocolate is nice, I'm eating now), had a friend of his exclaim to him on day: "I can't believe you are that stupid Xiaxue's friend!"
Apparently that friend saw Lindt's photo on my blog and felt Lindt was lowering himself to be associated with a empty vessel like myself. Lindt says that his friend is not that smart either.
I AM VERY ANGRY! Who are these fucking people who are judging my intellect? Fucking DUMBASS BITCH is not even smart herself! USE MY MENSA CERT TO SLAP HER BLOODY FACE. If she is a genius, I concede defeat. I am stupid compared to her. But I am not!
Where do people conclude that I am dumb? Where? By just reading the blog? Jokes, people, jokes. I think it is funny to pretend to be a complete bimbo... sometimes anyway. Just because I write in a casual manner here doesn't mean I am incapable of writing serious stuff.
Or is it because I am vain and I place too much emphasis on my looks?
Yes I know, throughout history the geniuses rarely looked good and Einstein never bothered with his hair, but don't people realise that Vanity and intellect are not mutually exclusive? They are not! Just because I am vain doesn't mean I am dumb.
Oh well. Now the gstring tanline and blonde hair would make things worse. Forget it, I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Who cares about jealous losers. Lindt is my friend and as long as HE doesnt think I am dumb, the world is good.
A bobble. Felling trees. Oh, nothing, just cute words I suddenly thought of.
I am a Chinese genius at heart
Wherefore art thou cute?
Hui Fen told me the other day about her ex and how they got to know each other.
Apparently, he put a cigarette packet on each shoulder, marched up to her, and said, "I heard you like broad shoulders!"
That is just spectacularly cute!! I think it can make almost every girl laugh, and the pick-up line is almost guaranteed to work if the guy is not ugly. (Men thinking of using this, I'd just like to warn you that a lot of girls read my blog and if you copy, you are a loser.)
This got me thinking ... There are some things, that when a guy does, are almost guaranteed to make a girl go, "So cute!" Or "So sweet!" whatever, and drop down on their knees, immediately becoming slaves to the men.
I have one more example from Hui Fen, where her guy friend says "What's up, (a kind of food)" in a groggy (read: sexy) voice to her whenever she gives him a morning call, but she says this is private and would like to keep it that way.
So yes, very cute.
Like when Adrian gives his lost puppy look, which is in the previous post's pictures, little doves drop down from the sky, dolphins leap in joy, the blind see again, and girls coming from as far as North Dakota run here, telling him that they would cut their clits off for him, if that makes him happy.
He knows, and he utilises this power well. To extort massages, for example.
I ALSO WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!
What are the things can girls can do to act cute? I MUST MASTER THE SKILLS! Then I can manipulate men like putty! Wahahhaa! SCRUB MY BACK! LICK MY TOES, NO, BETWEEN THEM! Muahahahha!!
I KNOW!
Step one: Acquire doe-eyed look.
For some reason, all the "cute" girls have eyebrows that are shaped like the Chinese eight. That is, if they joined together they will form an 'up' arrow. The furrowed, oh-I-am-mellow, look is DAMN GOOD OK!
It makes the girl look very sad, so when she laughs, it will be double cute!
AN ACT!
From now on, I shall pluck my ample unibrow to have that perpetually surprised expression.
WAH! Fucking ugly! But hor, achieve the effect right? Coz got that damn sad look. I downturned my lips and eyes and brows and also added industrial sized eyebags. Weak girls must ALWAYS have eyebags because they cannot sleep well; they all have insommia thinking of the monsters under the bed and molesters under the block. Therefore, men should ALWAYS send them home and cook them nice food.
Fucking crafty girls. Sick of men not sending me home. *mumble mumble*
2) Sa(3) jiao(1) (I have no fucking idea how to say sa jiao in English. I think its something only the scheming Chinese do.)
The "cute" girls always teh teh a bit, then can get exactly what they want. When I do that, guys say I disgusting. WHY LIKE THAT! Is it my arched brows?
I must, must, master the art of sa jiao-ing! Mmmm... *holds and shakes guy's sleeve* dear dear, buy me that bag please? *Doe-eyed look*
3) Laugh at everything the guys say. Feeds their egos = cute. Also, remember to still have doe-eyed look while laughing.
Superb! From now I shall act cute! I know, right? I also hate act cute girls. BUT! I had enough! I had enough of being the girl that guys don't send home! Why some girls guys will drive them home to boon lay, but some girls (I.e MOI!) guy don't drive them, saying, JURONG SO FAR!!
NOT FAIR! Why do men only help certain girls carry bags! I also want them to help me carry! Not that I find my bags remotely heavy lah, but it is a nice gesture what! See see? I am very weak one, I got, erm, low blood count and my lipstick is too heavy for me!
Back to how girls will all hate me when I successfully master how to act cute and make all the guys love me. Hey babes... I know it is unscrupulous and under-hand, but don't blame me! Blame the other girls who started it!
How to compete with them and win? Have to act cute also lor. Why don't we all try it? It's a fair world.
MEN! Tell me what to do to act cute leh! I want to meet a bunch of guys, leave (early coz filial girls are cute) and have 3 out of 5 of the guys liking me, and them saying, "Woah, she is so cute. Did you see when she laughed she had dimples*?"
Gimme examples of cute-ness you have witnessed from girls. I wanna learn! Quick quick!
*Of course I don't have dimples, but I am thinking surgery.
shTruckload of Photos!
Just pics, lots and lots of my pics, to celebrate my new-found camera!!
The LAST...
Of my fair-skinned and long-eyelashed photos...
My lashes are REAL! Stop accusing me.
Nice right my Ikea lights?
Look like thoughts coming out of my head!
I love my M.A.C lipstick and Prescriptives lipgloss!
Nice? Hui Fen helped me buy from US!
I LOVE IT!
Suddenly, I decided I am very sick of how I look and decided to go for drastic changes! First, a hair dye.
Yikes, the black! Still, a good hair day. =)
Kimage - $26 by students.
Tadah!
Still look very boring ...
I SHALL GO TAN!!! And highlight my hair blonde! Unfortunately, I also went to perm my eyelashes, and it got depressingly frayed at the ends, so I cut them off. =(
Yay!!! I look different!
Blogder Ginger bought me a birthday present to be collected from the M.A.C counter!
Shuyin holds it for me.
Bronzer! So nice of herrrrrrrrrrrr!!
And this is how much tanner I have gotten.
In case you are thinking why there is a line above the gstring tanline, I was tanning with a rather high-waist normal bikini bottom at first.
*sobs* Such a gorgeous tan, and it belongs to me!!! And it is almost free!
Just in time ...
For my CNA interview with Melvin Yong on 360 Degrees! It was live, and I didn't know, so I didn't ask you guys to watch ...
Adrian says he would like to clarify that the following photos are edited by me, and he is not approving (but I forced him anyway)to have them up here and he is not a model (per se).
After twirling his hair I forced him to take a photo of a smoldering spoof shot of how vapid male models always look.
Too funny to let go.
NO MORE CELERY!
Went out with Kelvin, Colin, Adrian and Hui Fen...
Wah lau, Shuyin's book... And I look weird here, somehow.
The fellow who put the book there:
Pretend only.
KM8's sentosa party! With Eileen Wee and Tan, and Adrian and some others...
I swear I will never be willingly fair again.
Ginny and Eileen (Tan)
In the middle of the VIP tentage, they set up a small pool.
The gorgeous Angmohs inside are almost too good to be true!
BUT... The water is damn murky.
Sex? You bet.
If you get impregnated inside, you wouldn't even know who it belongs to.
Pity the picture turned out blur. After sharpening it looks grainy.
My two favourite Eileens!
For Shuyin's birthday we (that is Weili, Wanyi and I) bought her this:
Just as I was walking out of Guess in Taka, I saw ... and decided ...
To bluff her!
We bought her a disgusting default Perlini's pendant with a little heart or something as disgusting...
And also!
Cheap $1.90 stars from Popular!
I tell you, when she open the gross present she confirm will cry! It is too gross to be true! But in the end I think she managed to guess that we are bluffing her. Pui. Don't know how to act is it.
This is what she saw when she turned to the back of the card ...
Haha! We are actually very nice to her!
I bought a shitload of retro-coloured papers (she likes all the bright colours) to make her card, and printed out her name in a nice, computer font.
Wah lan, the S very difficult to write. And no, I didn't trace that (such thick paper, trace my ass), and it IS written free-hand.
Add colour!
Fill it up and add glitter!
Happy birthday mei nu!! Although this is very, very, very late. =) Read The Full Article
Hello, erm, people.
This is taking me some courage to say, well, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry because... my mom found the camera. It was entangled, apparently, in between the pile of unfolded clothes.
Honestly, I don't see why there are so many nasty comments in the previous entry, though I believe people who leave such comments don't usually really feel that deep a hatred for the subject they abuse.
These people are just writing because maybe they are losers, or jealous, or maybe they just have really small penises or really huge, ulcured flans.
Now some of you might be raising your eyebrows at this point and thinking, hey Wendy, isn't flan a French dessert of a tasty, custard nature?
Yes Ms/Mr Quick-Thinking, it is!
But at the same time, didn't you notice something amazing? The word "flan" - is remarkably sexual-sounding, isn't it? Read it out loud after me:
"Can I lick your flan?"
OR
"Such a smooth, juicy flan you have there..."
OR
"If you say that one more time you naughty thing, I am gonna smack your flan so hard, it would wobble in fright!"
OR
"KanninabuchaoFLAN!"
HOR HOR HOR?! Really sound very sexual right! From now on, to be a more cultured individual, I shall put the word flan into my vulgarities because French vulgarities are less vulgar than Singaporean ones. In case you are still an indignant French exclaiming that "flan" is a national dish and not a vulgar word, may I gently correct you?
As you have seen from the examples given above, I think we have established that "flan" is indeed as sexual as a word can get. Even the simplest "I love eating flan" ... is sexual.
Before I digressed. I shall now use the famous dessert/sexual word as a replacement of my vulgarities. Ie, I shall say, FLAN YOU! from now on. When I want to say a man is a soft faggot, I go like, You flaccid flanner!
Where was I before flan?!
Oh yeah, insulting my spammers, which gives me quite a lot of pleasure. Of course, many things give me pleasure as well, and I would put insulting my spammers in between "a fairly good pedicure" and "killing a pair of madly romping cockroaches".
Usually, the anonymous people who leave insulting comments are hoping against hope that by agitating others, these others would be miserable and lead a life like theirs.
Of course, if they do it sufficiently and rapidly enough, the whole world would became miserable, and with no happy people to lift the Joy-benchmark these miserable people who be average-happiness people again!
But hey, it is impossible, because as they are usually very ugly, people tend to ignore them and start to do other unpleasant, but yet less unpleasant, things instead, such as picking their dog's fleas.
Other spammers has small wieners. Of course, speaking of indignant men with small penises, THEY SUCK (exception of those who are nice to me)! STOP EMAILING ME TELLING ME IT IS SKILL/DURATION WHICH MATTERS AND NOT SIZE! FLANNING MEN KEEP MAILING ME TELLING ME TO TEST THEIR FINGERS/TONGUES NO I WOULDN'T! My criteria for men is simple: One or more of the below
1) The Extremely Smart
2) The Extremely Good-looking
3) The Extremely Funny
4) The Extremely Rich (and arrogant to go with it. Wooh!)
I am not saying I deserve such men. I am just saying these men ATTRACT me. If you are not one or more of the four above, go away and weep darling.
Again, once and for ALL, SIZE MATTERS. There is NO NEED TO ARGUE. So what if skill and duration matters? It does. BUT - What makes you think big-dong man doesn't have skill or duration? It is not mutually exclusive ok, and however you calculate it, you are still a loser.
Even if big-dong man doesnt have skill or duration, he can learn to cultivate skill in time to come (he'd get some practice alright), and maybe duration can be trained. Size? Penis-enlargement pills? Shivel you up then you know!
Anyway, even if duration/skill is more important (and ie size is not important - and let's PRESUME that all long-membered males are lacking in skill and duration), WOULD YOU LIKE A PIN POKING YOU FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME, IN A SKILLFUL MANNER?
Note: I am not even talking about oral sex or foreplay here. Just plain, normal sex. And once again, Big-dong Man can be taught fingers - your tiny penis cannot engorge itself.
*roll eyes*
So before I digressed yet again, these spammers sometimes have small wieners. They start to wonder why the world is so unfair! They don't need a third little finger! This is where they all start to go mad. They seek out forums like hardwarezone or sammyboy, to find like-minded individuals with weeny wieners.
To their surprise, it is like one big small-penised family in there, and they make friends in no time, like MLM salesmen. They post pictures of the pretty girls they will never get to flan, and sometimes criticise the girls as if the girls 1) are free enough to take a break from humping droolsome male models to care and 2) are within reach and are actually not good enough for them! When they laugh their tiny members quiver as they are not big enough to oscillate.
Tsk. But do the females they insult care? Oh dear, of course not. Because these guys are LOSERS and we all laugh at them. =)
And then we reach jealousy. I shall get a bit more serious here.
Turodrique once told me, that although I don't believe in the bible, it was said, a prophet can never be accepted in his own town. He laughed and said that, dammit, that stupid boy live next door, and go to the mamashop together and play marbles, then suddenly he grow up to be God's son? Siao then will believe him right?
So yup. (The analogy does not in any case mean I think I am as good as a prophet - it is an analogy.)
And thus the bitter feelings towards me. I am just this normal, normal girl. If you ask me, I don't know what is so special about my weblog as well, except I like my writing because it is my writing what, of course it is an ease to read since I understand myself best.
There is no use telling me you don't think I deserve to be the most popular or best Asian blogger - because I didn't crown myself. My readers did.
But people who do not concur feel it is absurd that such a common weblog, maybe even deemed (by themselves) inferior to their own, can make it so big. Columnist, commercial deals, a dozen press clippings. Why?
WHO IS THIS GIRL? It is but this nose-digging, short, typical, non-celebrity Singaporean girl, and I cannot accept that she becomes famous!
So they throw insults and try to get me down - back to where they think I belong: the cookie cutter crowd where everyone is common.
But I wouldn't, because I am not. Nothing from you stupid spammers can get me down. I have my family, and wonderful friends who'd do anything for me, and you people are just virtual beings with electronic opinions. Who are you to advise me on what to do, and why should I listen? You don't even have a big dick. =)
I can ask for a camera if I want to, even though I was joking. I don't find it shameless, because my readers do want to view photos.
I know that there are readers who are willing to give back to me, and not just take and take all the time, like the selfish bastards so many others are.
I know that I have readers that go back as far as two years ago who have always been quietly supporting me, and they would pay $16.90 for a bestseller - and definitely $1 to their old-time blogger who have been writing (though also for my own) for them for 24 long months in a 500-entried weblog.
$1 is nothing, but yet that $1 would play an essential part in filling up this weblog with lively colours once more.
Once again, thank you my readers for defending me. I appreciate it a lot, but don't bother with the stupids, for it is wiser to just laugh at them. BAH them!
And to the people who have actually offered me a camera (MADNESS!) for free or have actually searched for my account number and transfered money to me, a big thank you.
Thank you for believing in me, despite all my foul-mouth-ness and my short, unreasonable tempers which showed up in my mean blogs. Thank you for being sensible enough not to judge a blogger merely by her entries, and thank you for not immediately thinking I am a slut when I talk about sex.
I will transfer the money back to donors, and once again, a big thank you and I really, really appreciate it. Oh, you cheeky flans you.
:')
Fucking shitty day
I lost my camera...
The one I have been using since the start of this blog ...
That one pink camera that has brought me all these pictures and the memories. The camera I used for the pictures I took during my birthdays, my friends' birthdays, the photos I took for Today newspaper, and even for Maxim... And now it is gone.
I don't know how I lost it. It was still with me when I last took photos for my CNA interview on Tuesday, and I remember putting it into my bag when I left. Then when I looked back into the bag, it is gone.
I can't find it anywhere.
I sat down to think, and a single tear fell down my face. That camera has been through so much with me, and I loved it so much. Never ever will I find another camera that small and in that perfect shade of pink again. :( And it is still working fine, with NO SCRATCHES on it at all. That's how much I took care of it.
Now it is time for a new camera, and I don't have the money to buy one. I am thinking of getting an Ixus i5, which, at it's cheapest, is $350. I don't have that kind of money!
You guys wouldn't see any photos till I get my new camera I guess. Which is a real pity, because I went to the KM8 (this new club at Sentosa - KM8 PR people you reading this? Send me a VIP card!) party at Sentosa with Eileen (Wee) and Adrian, and I took a secret shot of Eileen's perky butt! In a bikini bottom! But alas. Gone. The camera is gone with my almost new 128mb sony memory stick (which I bought seperately - for $90).
ALRIGHT. Shuyin suggested I do this. Anyone works in a camera company? Sony? Canon? Konica-minota? Anything! I want a digital camera, and I would gladly take a sponsored one. Please, gimme one! Trust me, an infinite amount of people ask me what camera I use, and the advertising is surely worth more money than a measly 300 bucks or so.
CAMERA COMPANY PEOPLE!! U reading this! Me! Want! Camera~!
Haiz.
Or maybe, if only 350 of you 8,000 people each throw me $1, I will be able to get a new cam! I desperately need one. Suddenly, the world is filled with beautiful and interesting things for me to take photos of. =(
Speaking of clubbing, just now I went out for supper at Orchard Hotel with Eileen (wee) and Abigail, and we spoke about that night at km8.
