A Xiaxue Timeline

There you go.

This is possibly the most beautiful blog in the WORLD.

Isn't the graphic fantastic? Aren't the gently quivering wings just lovely? Doesn't my head emit the most exquisite of snowflakes?

Credits, of course to my designer Alan, of shearnation.

Speaking of him ah, I owe him like a thousand meals, because he is supposed to just do the flash and graphics, but he ended up doing half the layout for me. :)

I've not seen a designer so dedicated to perfecting his work before. Even for just the graphic itself (the full size I will show u guys in a bit), he changed like 3 or 4 versions until he was satisfied. At one point he even added in a raccoon. -_- ("Why you go put the raccoon?" "Make it look more nature mah...")

Have you seen my raccoon?!

The raccoon looks like it doesn't know why it is behind my head.

So anyway, I must mention Oonteng also, who did the nice menu buttons for me, and Chester, who helped me a lot when I was pulling my hair out, doing up the layout for the site.

Thanks so much you guys!!!!!

Here's a timeline of what xiaxue.blogspot.com looked like through the years.

In April 2003, when the blog just started, it was the default blue blogger design (which obviously is not available now).

I learnt a bit of html, and changed the background to a bright, terrible pink that could eat your eyes whole.

And then I decided....




That's right. This blog used to have that photo as a background, so... get this: My nude-looking photo will be there, permanently in the bottom right corner, as you read my blog. The tables moved. The background didn't.

And yes, it was blue. Can't find a damn pink snowflake, can I?

And then I decided I might as well put my face on top.

I download my first blogskin from blogskins.com, and starting playing around with it.

The site was then changed to red:



According to the way-back machine, this was how the site looked like, then.

Don't ask me about that freaking photo. I've forgotten that it exists! Wah lau, it's really trying hard to act sexy! I had a good hair day that day.



The photo was then changed to this one, where my legs are ridiculously skinny and I look like you ate my dog up.

This layout also sparked the first ever flame war my blog had, because someone (he is insignificant now) commented on how much the red background looks like menstrual blood.

Eh, I don't know about his menstrual blood, but my menstrual blood is a baby pink colour, tinged with light gold glitter. Glows iridescent in the toilet light sometimes! :D

Do not, at any point in time, forget how superior I am. You emit dandruff off your head. When my head wants to emit things, it emits snowflakes.

In february 2004, I had enough of the "stumpy arms" tease and changed the layout again. This time, it was pink.



By June, I got sick of that shu nu picture, and changed to this slightly cross-eyed photo:



Half a year later, my newly-previous template is formed:


Goodbye...

That will be the past. Behold the newer, better, Xiaxue. :)

I slept at like 8am for the past 5 days or so, doing up the sidebar and stuff. You like it? I love the words at the top right corner, haha... :D

Spread the joy! I did four new link buttons, so feel free to use them on your website. My hosting plan has unlimited bandwidth now!










Here's the wallpaper, if you want to download it, and let me know which is your favourite part of the site, and also if some browsers screw it up!

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Fina-freaking-lly!!!

You have to come back tomorrow. All that's left of the new template is that my designer adds in his own credits.

And it is so beautiful, it will blow your mind off.

That's right, it's 740am now, and I have JUST FINISHED DOING IT.

It is perfect. You'll love it. I DO!!! :D

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If I were a guy

I would make the whole point of my life just shagging as many girls as possible.

Isn't that why we are born in the first place? To copulate, and make sure our race goes on?

I guess then I have no choice by to follow my innate nudgings, which is to have as much p***y as possible.

When people ask me why I am so swallow, I'll just look at them, frown, then cum on their faces in answer. They will be startled, not by the wetness, but by the massive size of my manhood. I think if I were a guy I'll be a respectable size, because I heard penises match egos. I will then proceed to fondle my chest hair and smirk while swaggering away in my G-star jeans.

Nice men don't realise this, or refuse to acknowledge it, but it is the bad guys who get laid all the time. The bad guys receive more TLC, the bad guys get blowjobs where the girls even swallow.

Crap about how the girls play around with the bad guys, but finally the nice guys get the chick to marry him? Sure, but that's because bad guys don't want to get married.

Who needs all that shit about bills and having to remember anniversaries? You get sexually satisfied, she even pays for her own phone bills, and she doesn't even attempt to ask you to stay faithful because you stated from the start you can't. (and in the usual case where the chick is hot, it is actually alright to stay faithful, but who cares, just make her feel more insecure)

Like Tucker Max. Hell, if I ever went to Chicago, I'll screw him. Ok maybe not *cough aids cough*... But you know, because he has screwed like a gazillion girls, and if he says I am good, then I AM GOOD.

About the age-old theory of why girls like bad boys.

Because everyone wants to feel that they are special. And superior.

I like jerks. I love them. Magically drawn to them like Cloudy to food. Plenty of nice guys like me... But I just want to be friends with them. Because I presume that they will still be around waiting in the case where I change my mind.

Let me tell you about this guy I used to like.

In the beginning, I didn't like him (not in that sense anyway), because he was not very good-looking anyway... But he was very confident of himself, and he is constantly talking about how many girls like him, and well, I was a teen then, he sang really well, and things like that mattered. *Shrugs*

So yes. My interest was baited, because I wanted him to like me. Not because I liked him, but because so many girls like him (or so he claimed), and I want to score better than any of them.

He is not a jerk per se, but he most certainly was not very nice. Whenever I am with him, he keeps a delicate balance of things. He occasionally, manipulatively, throws in actions or words to show that he is interested in me. BUT NOT ENOUGH.

Not enough to start a relationship with me. But sure, he does like me. But he is not sure how much, yadda yadda.

Therein lies the magical formula. Pulling, and letting go. At the correct times.

The cheapest of tricks, but women ALWAYS fall for it: Talk about this ONE SPECIAL EX YOU HAD.

If you have already succeeded, in the start, to bait the girl's interest, she will want to hear about your ex, because she wants to learn what kind of girls interest you.

Go on, in a slightly misty voice, about how this girl was so special - how well you guys clicked, how much you loved her, and most of all, HOW NICE SHE WAS TO YOU.

He continued by saying that unless he meets someone that special, he won't go into another relationship.

Guaranteed results. By 2 weeks or so, I was doing homework for him, cooking cutesy food, etc etc working hard to be the special girl in his life - ALL WHILE PAYING FOR MY OWN MOVIES!!!

And the thing is, he is not even good looking, rich, or whatever criteria makes guys popular!!!

Amazing or not?

Why I reacted that way? Because I thought I was the person who can change a bad boy. I thought I can make him stay faithful, and I wanted to be the special person that he acknowledges.

But girls don't realise... It is impossible to change a jerk, because the only reason why he scored you is because he is a jerk (that you, and the rest of the female population, think you can change), and he... well... likes the scoring.

Of course, I lost interest in like 4 months or so, but hell, 4 months of a girl who adores you is better than 4 months of a girlfriend, where you have to send her home, lose to her mother in mahjong, blah blah...

Now years have gone by, and of course, I have moved on and saw through this fellow's tactics. He recently broke up with his gf, and messages me very often now, while sounding all forlorn and stuff, coz well, he liked his gf a lot and blah blah ENOUGH, NONE OF MY BUSINESS I DON'T NEED TO KNOW!!! Get over it already!!

So the essential change is this: He is now needy.

I am totally turned off by him now. I cannot see why I used to be attracted to this dump, who, without his gf, became so ... loserish.

MEN MEN MEN!!! If I were a guy, even if I were hurting inside, I will still pretend to indifferent. Because chick digs jerks, and jerks don't get upset over stupid things like chicks!

So yes. If I were male, I'll be a terrible, terrible jerk. I'll be arrogant to the point of extreme cockiness. I'll be self-centred and self-important. Sure, I don't lead a very meaningful existence, but I'll have my beer, my TV remote and best of all, my orgasms.

Don't even start on how there are some chicks who dig SNAGs. Sure there are, but these chicks are just not confident enough of scoring a popular guy. It means they are ugly, so no thanks, why would I want to screw them?

Excuse me while I burp loudly. What, your ears are not handles? Sorry, I push your head if I want to, bitch, and if you don't like it, you can get out of my house now, I have other females waiting in line.

- Sigh... Sometimes I think I am a guy inside, but why am I so short? -

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Gadgeit.com

Advertorial

The boys at Gadgeit.com invited me to review some of their products... I know lar, it looks like gadget spelt wrongly, and they do sell gadgets. Very weak pun right, haha!

So anyway, before we begin on testing their products, Gadgeit.com is Singapore's first gadget and novelty gift shop. Boys should go have a look at the website because they sell the things boys like (I suppose), and girls should visit the website because... (trust me, I'm a girl)

1) The five founders are young, good-looking chaps. *blush*
2) You can buy stuff for your male friends for their birthdays. Very irritating how difficult it is to buy stuff for guys, isn't it? Sports gear, cologne, books... SIAN! Buy gadgets. :D
2) They sell a USB "massager". More about that later. HAHA!!

Let's start with the drinking gadgets they have! I don't drink (I will just slump on the toilet bowl after a cup of Vodka ribena), but I've been to enough parties to get very bored with the same old drinking games... Five ten. Five ten again...

The Strip Shooter!

This is a combination of strip poker and drinking - which means the ladies are in the disadvantage any way it goes, unless you are a raging alcoholic/nymphomaniac. You spin, you either do the punishment (usually taking off a piece, baby!) or drink, in which you will get so drunk you'll strip anyway!!

But good for boys if you can get girls to play!! If not, I suppose you pray your friend choose to drink, else you have to endure the sight of his danglies.


Remove something from the waist down?

My toe-ring can?

Drinking Chess



MAI SIAO SIAO! Atas drinking game ok? Watch the chess game get more and more difficult as you get more drunk!! Hahaha... I was quite surprised at the quality of the glasses. One side's printed in black while the other, white. It is then placed on a square glass piece.

Not only does it function pretty neat, it looks nice too as a coffee table display!

Eh, the placing is not I do one ok, so if it is wrong, it is not me who is uncivilised. *ahem*

The Partyshooter


The thing we are selling here is the blue tube-like object, not the baby grand piano behind.

If you are the siao house-parties sort (like Eileen-the-alcoholic-Tan), this thing is quite perfect! I still do not understand how it works (like I don't know how the TV works, but when people ask me, I pretend and mumble intellectually about the cathode ray gun and it shooting electrons); it apparently is made out of an exterior tubing which you attach to a beer bottle, and a long inner tubing.

When fixed properly, it will tip the entire contents of the bottle into your throat within 20 seconds, and you won't even feel a thing!

Cheers!



Haha!!! Practice makes perfect Arya!

Camera lighter



Quite cool right? Now phone perverts can go up some levels by trying to shoot girls on the MRT with a "lighter" instead of their stupid mobile phones, which is like so freaking obvious when it is done!

Only problem is MRT personnel think that they are trying to set fire to the train, then they get caught MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA ORH BI GOOD I HATE PHONE PERVERTS!!!!

Eh. Sorry for the digression, I mean, the rest of us normal people can use it as a web cam too. :)



Introducing their USB products, for geeks! I'm a geek too coz I don't even watch TV anymore, I watch computer. :(

USB Cafe Pad



One great product for office people! You bring your piping hot coffee into the office and it becomes ice-blended in a bit? Now you can just put it on the cafe pad, plug the USB into your computer, and voila, hot drinks!

And apparently it IS a little too hot to touch.



It worked on my noodles too!! :D

USB Massage Pad

I don't know if the Gadgeit guys are being funny or something, but the massager is put under "Just for girls".

Speaking of massagers, people who have watched Sex in the City would possibly understand the link here. Those who haven't, you can post a comment asking what I am talking about and maybe a kind soul will explain it. Haha!



I mean, can't it be in another shape?



I personally touched it and it vibrates. Really. Well. WHAHAHHAHAHA. Perfect for watching porn with. Did I say that out loud?! I mean, erm, perfect for us who are, you know, all stressed out with work, and, erm, need a massage or something.

Speaking of orgasmic feelings...

The Kama Sutra

I suggest the boys buy this:



Because guys are so boring when it comes to positions. I don't know for sure of course, I'm just saying so that you guys buy it.

So anyway, the "oracle" (or so it terms itself!!) will be good for boring couples! Or bored couples. Give this to your partner for a hint if he is only digging the missionary.

OMG I just realised the 8 o'clock position is very scary-looking.

Last but no least, the Free Talker!!

One of my favourite of gadgeit's imports, this is!

Free talker is a pair of walkie-talkie watches. They are pretty loud and clear, and ranges across 1km or something like that.

Isn't it so cool? When was the last time you lost a friend in Hongkong and had to pay roaming charges while you called like 25 times until you found each other at one of the 17 entrances to Mongkok station? For me was like 8 months ago.

If only I had the free talker then!! Also good for people travelling in separate vehicles, or people who wanna pretend they are detectives.

This is how you can use it...







There! Isn't it so cool? I wanted to buy one for Eekean because she is constantly going missing when we go shopping, and the irritating thing about her is that she doesn't pick up her calls!!! Grrr... Then I remember that she is in Rotterdam. Sigh.

Okok, I'm off to sleep now. You go surf their site ok?

Because I sort of, erm, delayed writing this entry a bit, then I feel very paiseh. You go tell them they are very handsome lar, and maybe they will give you the massager... Massage is good ... ZZZZZzzzzzzzz.. ... .. ..... . ..

p/s: In case stupid people really thought Mark was watching porn, he wasn't lar, it was my idea, and just part of the storyline. :D

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PAISEH!!!

Sorry lar, I have been very very super super busy, there was my cousin Frankie's wedding, then Abbie's birthday chalet (which involved painting a bigass banner which took one whole day), then now it's Howard's birthday I have to attend to...

And most importantly of all, I just formatted my computer, and somehow, the computer can't read my photoshop cd so I can't edit my pictures.

Oh, that, and I have been using excess time to do up my new website, of course. Some of you already know it's uploaded somewhere, the template... You sneaky poppets! (I learnt this word from a rewatch of Pirates of the Caribbean) I'm not saying yet, and if you know, please keep it to yourself, ok? I want you people to see it only when it is perfect! :D

Since so many people asking me to blog, I shall just show some photos of my cousin Frankie's wedding. There few pictures are only from the night before and the afternoon.

The wedding dinner itself will come later. Truckloads of pictures!













Sorry lar, I know it is very little... Machiam let you smell KFC but cannot eat. I promise, promise, upon my divine perfection, to blog more tonight. If I can get the photoshop CD.

:)

Kua kua, I wasn't hacked into la... People just have times when they are overwhelmed with stuff, you know.

God I have SO MANY THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT. Tata!! :D

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Sorry for the lack in updates...

Being very busy lately... I've got someone special to meet up with now, and so many other things to do, including being the emcee for my cousin Frankie's wedding tomorrow.

We cousins are staying over tonight and tomorrow we all doll up together! So fun! I'm gonna bring my cousins over to Voxy in a bit to do our nails!

Speaking of endorsements, and Momo, I've decided to stop using *so much* vulgarities from now on, because it is not lady-like. *giggles* Momo doesn't like it, and although I also don't like her to read my blog, I also cannot stop her from reading it since the whole world is, and she said something along the lines of kicking me out of the house if I don't "stop using those hokkien vulgarities".

You don't see her like so auntie like that, her legs are very strong ok! I want my ass intact because I wearing gown tomorrow mah!

But I shall assume she is still ok with the F word.

So yup. I shall try to blog tonight if I can. Meanwhile, I'm gonna meet my designers for hopefully the freaking last time... Sigh, my female previous designer dua-ed me coz she had so much work to do at her own company! So work on the site is delayed.

Also - two announcements. For those of you who read my friends' blogs, Weili's blog has been hacked into, and Eileen's blog has been deleted by herself.

Weili also doesn't know what happened, but it was his laptop that was hacked into, not his blog. Some people are just so malicious. I really saddens me to know that there are such cretins around!!!! URGH!

I curse you, may your asshole grow a thousand little white ulcurs after you had a particularly heavy dinner, you sick bastard!

As for Eileen-thealcoholic-Tan, she said, I quote her, "I don't even update often and I find it pretty pointless so I delete it lor..."

Some fast bugger saw it deleted and was like, Damn, it is linked to XIAXUE'S BLOG!! I shall quickly take that blog address!

And drawing his hand out of his pants he did - now the address officially says "Amateur Webcam Girls.

WTF. And I don't even see amateur (why nobody likes the experts leh?) webcam girls around! I only see some faggot story about the author's grandma and his 16 year old cat. DUH! I don't wanna read about some porn star's gramps!

Don't worry or have fat hopes, Eileen didn't turn into a porn star overnight. I wish she did though... *wrings hands* OMG DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?! I, erm, don't mean it...

Anyway I am blogging and I cannot stop again! I'm super late!

Kelvin says that cherubs are actually arch-angels... meaning they are the highest-ranking angels around. What rubbish! (Edit: Kelvin says he said that cherubs are actually CLOSER TO GOD than arch angels are, so he is vastly misquoted.)

Then may I know who is the crazy-assed person who keeps drawing them as fat babies peeing?

Cherubs are obviously pudgy children shooting arrows at people and playing the mini-harp!

I told Kel that fat babies cannot be archangels coz no one will respect them, and he was very angry with me so he started flapping his arms around while his BM steered dangerously on its own accord. He bellowed that "They do not look like fat babies ok? NOBODY KNOWS HOW THEY LOOK LIKE!!!"

It was fun to irritate him so I was like, "If nobody knows how they look like, then how can you be sure they don't look like fat babies?"

"I don't know for sure!" he grunted begrudgingly. "They MAY, for all you know."

Then we went into some pointless argument about lucifer being a cherub (pity, I thought he was tall, lean, and handsome. Oh and blonde. With grey eyes.) and angels being created to sing praises for god... Which I obviously will lose out in since I have only read like 15 pages of the bible.

LOL...

What a pointless blog entry.

And you there! You really should stop gurgling your own vomit. It is a really disgusting habit. Yes, I know you enjoy the bubbling sound and all, but well... what? You particularly like green vomit? Oh, you are sick.

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Fucking unfair

Which is the fucking JC which did this?

Childish. I look down on you, you fucking loser school. Get a freaking life, wimp. Wooo you cannot insult me! You say I fat! I cry! I commit suicide!

Abusing your fucking power, isn't it? Oh, I speak some opinion about you, you go suspend me. Just because you have the fucking power to. What kind of reasoning is that?

Zhang shi qi ren. Petty.

Teachers can say students are stupid - they do it all the time. Hell, my primary school teachers even SLAPPED students.

And students cannot say their teacher is a bitch? (one student did, and she got suspended, according to my reader)

Get this: Back in RV, Mrs Look even warned my classmates not to get close to me, because she told them I was a bad influence. Wow, targetting my friends and my social circle in school? Under the fucking white RV school belt, that is. If you want to get me to change, you don't threaten me with my friends, ok? (In case you are interested my friends hack-cared her)

If she did that, I cannot write on my blog what she did? Sue me for defamation? Go ahead... I have my witnesses, and it was a fair comment.

Hell, I even have the event recorded in my old school diary:


Click to enlarge, and Shui Xiang was my ex-bf.

Why, scared people find out the truth about your actions is it?

Wanna fight back? You fucking fight like a man, and go set up your own blog and defend yourself.

What is with this "suspending" and commanding people to close down their blogs? What gives you the rights to threaten people like that? It is clearly an abuse of the power you have.

I've gotten many mails from my teenage readers, telling me what their schools did to them when they wrote some stuff about school on their blogs.

One got suspended (yes, it has been happening since a long time ago)... Another wrote something about her getting depressed (about just ONE event), and the school forced her to close down her blog. The principal printed out her entries, made her do corrective work order, and even sent her for counselling. WTF! Siao ah?

Don't you crazy-ass people know that the fucking studying environment is very stifling?

You close down this little outlet of venting for our teens, and may they, because they didn't siphon out their pains in the form of writing a harmless blog entry, burn your fucking school down in a fit of anger. Ha. How worth it.

It is one thing to stop bloggers from writing irresponsible remarks about race and trying to generate hatred in the society. The law is supposed to protect the weak.

But what about when you are clearly in the superior position?

You are a principal. You are older, wiser, more mature, and more rational then your feather-brained students. Why abuse your power to attack these kids? Lowering yourself to their positions, isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be just a tad more magnanimous?

If you don't like what they wrote, you bloody go confront them, and clear things up - like what normal people do.

Don't fucking abuse your position and power.

It gets me so angry when people do that!!!

Sure, students shouldn't write defamatory (by defamatory I mean untrue) things about schools. That surely is wrong. It is a civil case, so go sue the student! Why are you ruining his whole education by taking away his chance to study? He paid for your fucking teachers to fucking teach him, ok? If he fails his As because he missed that few weeks of lessons, who is going to compensate him, and his future? Who?

Yeah companies fire people who blog about them. Sure they can do that - they are paying the employee, and it is stupid to keep feeding an employee who is disloyal to the company. What excuse do schools have? What, I pay to study in your school, and I cannot complain about it?

But never mind that. Now we all know what bullies Singapore schools are. Sure, whatever. Students will keep their mouths shut from now on. Nobody can say anything bad about you. Only you can do whatever you want. Fucking bullies.

Though I must say, silencing students is not that easy nowadays... Don't you know that students are very rebellious? I foresee many more anonymous blogs mushrooming up, just because you decided to stifle our youths. Don't let me write, I write even more. Good luck dealing with that. :)

(Just a tip to students. When your school ask you to close your blog, you set up another blog account [with a new, anonymous email of course], and you copy the entire contents inside. Email the blog link to the school's biggest gossiper. When the school asks you why your blog is still around, you say bua bodoh and say, I dunno leh, I delete already, someone copied the contents and put it in that website, and I cannot remove it coz I am not the author mah!)

Just one more thing I am pondering about ah... ST says that teachers can sue, as long as it affects their "livelihood"... And that some fucking Union will back them up...

So if I say a teacher is a slut who fucks students... She gets fired (because she did fuck students, and somemore it is the chess club president!!! LOSER!) and thus it affects her livelihood... Then she is no longer a teacher what, why should the Union help her leh? If she doesn't get fired (since schools apparently sympathise with their stuff over students), then theoretically no "damages" are done - you sue lan jiao?

I don't wonder why our kids are all aiming for an overseas education. Can you imagine Harvard threatening to sue a student because he said "Frustrated old spinster. Can't stand to see attractive girls"?

I don't know about you, but I cannot... It just doesn't seem like the juvenile way Harvard works. I don't know for sure though, the professors there can be prudes sometimes!

p/s: What have your school done to students who blogged bad stuff about them? Say it loudly here, because we all want to know. Though, please do not mention school names - I also don't wanna get sued, for something I cannot even verify.

Postnote: It annoys me that people don't get my point all of the freaking time! About this blog entry, it is not about whether students should, or should not blog about their schools. That's their freedom of choice, and it has also been discussed to DEATH. My point is simply that schools should not ABUSE their position of authority to punish students for something personal. ABUSE OF POWER. THAT IS NOT FAIR PLAY. Geddit?

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