A cowboy's wedding!

I have an appointment at 2pm tomorrow, and it is 530m now, so I'm just gonna post up some photos from Cowboy's wedding!

I tell you, I had so much fun at JB! Everything is big, spacious, and cheap! SHIOK.

After driving around in Makanguru's car for like hours (thanks for driving us handsome!), we finally arrived at Austin Hills Resort.

I tell you, (suaku) Singaporeans cannot even start imagine how big the place is! SUPER BIG CAN??!

The ceilings are 5 stories high up, but splattered with bird shit! Haha

The wedding reception area:

Big!

We arrived on Friday night, and the wedding was sat night.

Already decorated for tomorrow!

After this, Sandra and I excitedly went to the rooms... GUESS HOW MUCH THEY COST.

You will never guess it! Freaking 50SGD a night, ok! Amazing isn't it?!

And the room is super room with 2 king sized beds!

I went siao coz the rooms are so big! And there are MANY MANY mirrors! I (major vain) was rooming with Sandra (sibeh vain) and Joel (ok vain), so mirrors were very important.

Squishy cushion! What can we do with it?


Shiok!


Or move it to watch pirated VCDS on the TV! (LOTR)


Me + Sandra


What the hell? Joel doesn't look very willing, Sandra.

Day 2: Church!

Eh, most of the photos compromised the anonymity of many bloggers, so there are only two!

The international man of mystery and his ... aww... wife.


Me was designated bubble blower together with Gracie.

Which is good, coz she is super tall while I'm super short, so our bubbles fill the whole place properly. :D

The Wedding!


Radiating from JB's good food!


The bitches (in a good way) from our table! I love the girls!

Table 8 rules.


Cake!

The background is so vast and lovely.


I'm not sure this picture has a point...

Oh... That I am wearing boots! Wahahha.


Me + Sandra again. I love this photo!


Cowboy's pretty wife and a cute boy!

I snapped a photo of Sandra bitching to Nadia.

Notice the hand and also Nadia's Um-yeah-lo-yeah-I-know face. We know they are bitching!

Which is good. Bitching is good. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

Me and Joel.

HERE COMES THE BRIDE!


Spot! Minishorts! :D

Of course, everyone took the opportunity to spray cowboy's head with confetti!

Notice how every one else anonymous has a common mosaic while cowboy has a mask like Phantom of the Opera? Coz he is Zeus. I am serious. He may not look like it, but he is.

Array of bloggers ... Any takers?


Our table! (w/o Vincent who was taking the photo)


Grace + me

Grace seems decent enough? YOU ARE WRONG!



See, she tried to touch my boobs!

Enough with the barflies! Now tomorrow.sg:

Cowboy makes 7 but he was busy getting drunk! The pose very boring...

Better! T for Tomorrow.

3rd Day: BREAKFAST!

(warning to the hungry: All food)

Mine


Will you look at Sandra's plate (mid)?

IT IS SO FILLED WITH LIOW THAT WE CANNOT SEE THE NOODLES.

Freaking nice.

DINNER!

Some kampong seafood restaurant!



I'm gonna eat you all, muahaha!


Kangkong! I can eat the whole plate by itself man, I love kangkong.


Sotong


Butter crayfish with fried buns!


Fish before the banquet waitress cuts it. (that's me btw)


Fish after!
I know it doesn't look that clean-cut, but hey, I was using a damn spoon and fork!



And the bestest prawn thingy in the world.

I don't know how they did it. I only know it is orgasmic.

All that for only $13SGD each.

*******************************

On a totally irrelevant note, Momo brought a puppy back that day, for staying over at our place in transit for one day, until it is brought to it's real owner.

So cute.

Eh, don't look at it like the size so small... The shit it shits is super smelly. Stupid dog purposedly chose my room to shit in, kannasai.

Read The Full Article

FUCK!

Teban Gardens got murder leh! I damn scared!

Read The Full Article

Hate-site owners and their day jobs

I was half asleep today on my comfy bed (great weather, woot!), and suddenly I wondered about what jobs people who set up hate sites do.

I don't mean the one-off kinda blog entry, I mean people who really do up a new URL, and post up rebuttal entries regularly, solely to insult someone --- especially when the someone did nothing to offend you in real life.

I mean, what the fuck man, do you think my most ardent hater is, I dunno, a zookeeper or something? Damn funny isn't it, if he is bathing some elephant and thinking of ways to generate more lies about me?

LOL... Zookeeper. The thought amuses me.

I was just lolling around, still sleepy but smiling a bit, when a giant mascot of JollyBean came up.

It looks something like this:



Granted, Jollybean has never employed a giant green bean mascot to my knowledge, and I am not even sure their logo looks like this, but that's how the creature appeared in my head.

It was walking around Funan the IT mall, and had to give Jollybean balloons to the little kids.

Then it hit me.

It makes perfect sense, really!!! Hate site owners are all giant walking mascots!

I mean, what else can make a human more grouchy and hateful?

Imagine how it is like to be inside a damn bean costume the whole day? And while you know you are not a bean (you are a human bean, guffaw!), you have to tolerate the idea that some kid somewhere thinks you are really a bean.

In fact, the kid might even wanna grind you for soy milk.

Very sad, right?

Sigh! I mean, that's not even bad enough. You have to parade around in a heavy costume, and as if the backside of the bean does not make you look fat enough, you also have spindly short legs and your hands stick out awkwardly like chicken wings.

AND THEN KIDS TRY TO TOUCH YOU.

They trottle over, thinking they are so damn cute and all that, and gently pat your bean ass, looking up into your fake bean eyes.

Sometimes, the older ones thump you, wanting to know if you are hollow. They then laugh, whether or not you are, because they know that if they study hard enough, they don't have to grow up to be a bean.

AND GUESS WHAT??

You have to pretend like you love them!!

SUCKS.

I've never seen this happen to a real mascot before, but I imagine that if a strong enough kid pushes this bean mascot, it will fall to its side, and roll around infinitely.

We are assuming that someone will come and save the mascot, pushing it the right side up again, but THEY WON'T! Because it is too damn funny.

Oh well, maybe they might, but only to push it over again.

MUAHAHAHHA!

So there the bean rolls around, its spindly limbs unable to do anything, and finally giving up, thinking, "Fuck, not again."

It rolls to a stop, and then what happens?

It hears a voice, and it is the bean's ugly girlfriend (the best mascots can get for their low sex appeal. Don't take my words for it. In the Durex Sex Survey, Models were ranked the sexiest occupation, and mascots, the least).

Sadly enough, the bean had rolled to a stop at his girlfriend's feet.

"XLX," she whispers, mortified. "Is that really you?"

She averts her eyes at strangers, who are still sniggering at the sight of a rolling bean.

In a dramatic move, the ugly girlfriend stomps away, crying her heart out. I know it sounds illogical, but do not ask me to fathom how ugly girls function, I have never been.

So yes, stomps off, you know, in the typical hands-wipe-tears, long-hair-fly kinda move you see in shows, except ugly.

In a horrible twist of fate, the bean's final rolling position is the same direction she is running, and he has to look at her flee in horror, her butt wobbling in embarrassment.

The shittiness of his job finally sets in, and he decides to write even more about a random happy person (I think I'm the happiest blogger around, actually), because HAPPY PEOPLE ARE EXACTLY THOSE WHO MOCKINGLY TAKE PHOTOS WITH MASCOTS!

Me with XLX

I know, right.

We all never knew hate site owners have such a sad life, but they actually do.

Imagine, everytime someone wants to fuck them, they think of the mascot costume (bean or otherwise) and get all flaccid.

I know I won't fuck a Jollybean.

Nor this sad, sad looking pack of onions rings.


Editor's note: Wow, read the comments to see the amount of people without a sense of humour!

Read The Full Article

Off to JB!

This will be my last post before I leave for JB tomorrow, for silly cowboy's wedding!

And I will be staying over at the sibeh cheap resort till Sunday. Happy!

I intend to buy some DVDs back. :D

I've got nothing really interesting to blog about... Except one silly thought that occurred to me a few days ago...

You know how most girls don't really know what a real orgasm is until they are like, late teens or something? I think in this aspect it is so much easier for boys coz well, once you see the white stuff come out it is definitely a big O.

Simple.

But girls... Nah! Sex is good, but it is not a big O, and until you really get one, you can't define a climax!

And unfortunately for us girls most teenage boys will not know how to help you as well. Sad.

So see, the thing is, once you start getting 'em big Os you will possibly help yourself to them all the time, and by all the time I mean like perhaps 3 or 4 times a week, because orgasms are really the most beautiful thing in the world!

Let's imagine now that a girl only realises what an orgasm really is (and learns how to get it) at the age of, say, 20.

Now, presuming kids cannot climax (any doctor would like to clarify this?), and presuming she hits puberty at 12, that's EIGHT YEARS OF BIG Os WASTED!

If she gets 4 Os a week, that would be ...

4 X 52 X 8 =

1,664 ORGASMS!!!

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

What a ridiculously big amount of orgasms wasted! How much will you pay for 1,600 orgasms, you tell me that.

I know the idea of a 12 year of girl having a climax sounds very perverse, but I'm just saying.

Just a stray thought... Damn, 1,664!

Damn.

So anyway, before I come back, here are some photos!

SLUTTY SHENGRONG'S BIRTHDAY!

30/12/2005. Really slow! People all had their 21st birthdays over long ago.

Don't tell Shengrong, but one of the reasons why we like him is because his house always has a lot of super yummy food!

For example, if you dig in his fridge you will realise he has exotic berries like cherries, blueberries, raspberries, etc, and these are all free for stealing, provided you are thick-skinned like me! MUAHAHA!

A box of blueberries cost like $9 or something, and they are always available at Sr's house! :D

SR getting kissed by his dad, haha


Xiaoyu and I


4J rules!

(With the exception of traitor Ian who went to 4K and had the atrocity to like it)

Sr with Bangzhi and family.

Xiaoyu tells me to tell you all to vote for Bangzhi for Project Superhost.

I heard from Peiying that Xiaoyu is really very ridiculous! Apparently Peiying (who is currently in India... Grr... all my friends are gone) was queuing up in Macdonalds to buy a cheeseburger when she accidentally bumped into Xiaoyu, and Xiaoyu went like,

"PEIYING!!! Why you buying cheeseburger! Do you know, that the cost of this burger can vote Bangzhi many times!!! PEIYING!"

Poor Peiying kena terrorized by Xiaoyu.

Save Peiying. Vote Bangzhi.

Shengrong was posing with his sister and brother, when someone whipped this out:

And they had to follow it!



Sigh, what happened to Sr's cuteness?

.................................................

Two pictures of Shuyin, Wanyi and I at Balcony.




Totally irrelevant, I know.

.................................................

NYE at Civic Plaza



There was a minister present!

I was introduced to Mr Lim Swee Say...

Shuyin took a lousy photo. That woman huh. Normally her photo-taking skills are not bad, but when it comes to important photos? BLUR.

Happy New Year!

Foam snow used correctly: Sprayed upwards, not on faces!

I made a faux pas of putting glitter on to my eyebrows! Haha. But it kinda looks festive, right?

Till Sunday guys, tata.

Read The Full Article