"Boyfriend"

Eh, you guys must be wondering where the cruise entry is and whether I have really been blogging for the past 16 hours or so.

Well, the entry is currently being read through by the agencies, in case I write wrong information and stuff like that, you know.

So anyway, sorry for the lack in updates! Well, my boyfriend (I haven't used to word for like 4 fucking years and I still squeal a little when I say the word, haha) came over to Singapore for the past week, and I was busy bringing him around. :D

In case you are wondering, he is from the States.

Speaking of the word "boyfriend", the last few guys I dated were total jerks and commitment phobes, so I never had the chance to get into a real relationship.

Dare I mention the word "boyfriend", they will all twitch in horror, feign death, and attempt to riccochet out of Singapore on the nearest trampoline.

I started to get more and more bitter and inside me grew a Wendy who was secretly an ugly old hag wanting to be loved. ------->

I hated the girls who would force their little happy relationship stories on me, and I think inside their shivelled little pink hearts they all were having great fun mocking me and seeing me convulse and pulsate vomit while I feigned interest in their love lives.

Boohoohoo!

Oh, THOSE EVIL BITCHES!

(In case you are one of those evil bitches constantly telling me how great your boyfriend is, you should by now realise why I am constantly offline on msn.) (You bitch)

Bah, way too tough to feel happy for our people when you are miserable!! You can't expect a begger to go like, "Wow, I am happy for you that you have food and lodgings!", right?

Precisely my point.

I know I mentioned a long time ago I only liked jerks, which is kinda ironic to my constant whining, because I obviously brought my misery upon myself. (which doesn't deprive me of the rights to still whine about it)

I think, somewhere in the middle of my 21st year, I actually turned into a terrible thing: A modelizer!

GOOD GRACIOUS ME, HOW I DESPISE THAT PHONY TERM!

But anyway, I think Kelvin asked me how come I only like guys with such high profiles. These guys, he said, score a 10 in their eligibility, but only give me their 70% to 80%.

I should, he nodded in his infinite wisdom, get a man who is a 7 or 8, but gives me his 100%. :)

I realised then that being famous has affected my choices in men.

I no longer wanted to date a normal guy in Singapore, because I don't want to hide our relationship, and I don't think the pressure from the blog would be very pleasant for him.

Seriously man! I had my fair share of guys I dated who told me time and again never to mention him on my blog, and I am sick and tired of such insecure men with these petty issues.

Dating a guy who is already famous, or at least semi-famous would totally solve this problem. (Alternately, I can also date a guy who is not from Singapore - which is what I am doing! Brilliant!)

Then there is also the pressure from what my blog readers would say. I don't want to date someone who is, for example, ugly, because I know he will be criticised to death by blog readers, and I don't think that would feel very good for him.


This kinda explains why I like jerks. Coz their egos are so big they can take anything in their stride. *weak smile*


As I said I hated sappy girls who constantly go on and on about how perfect their sick little lives are, so I shall not inflict that kinda harm on you pathetic single people.

MUAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING! Oh, you know your mom still loves you!

I was about to be mean and rub it into everyone's faces that I am in love, but one by one my closest friends all came to me and told me how sincerely happy they are for me to see me finally in love.

In fact, Junne sounded like she was almost crying.

Everyone enthusiastically and caringly asked what happened (none of the feign interest bullshit I always did), and ....

I FELT LIKE I WAS THE MEANEST THING EVER.

I mean, when my girlfriends get attached all I can think about is, "Shit, she's not gonna have much time left for me".

*averts eyes*

I do feel happy for them OF COURSE, but it is just that other more unpleasant thoughts cloud my mind first, and I cannot help it that I am so selfish!

[Cmon, aren't there self-centered single people like myself who did not feel happy for the happily attached? AREN'T THERE?!]

Well, I guess part of the reason why they are happy for me is because they are also pretty happy themselves, but that is not the point.

THE POINT IS, FROM NOW ON I SHALL BE A BETTER PERSON AND LEARN TO BE HAPPY FOR OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!1111

Even when I become a begger, I shall be a superior magnanimous begger who feel happy for people who have loads of money and pretty cars.

Back to the boyfriend *squeal* part before I got distracted.

It appears it is not really true that I only like jerks and good guys do score too.

We knew each other for a really long time and all this while he liked me while I was oblivious (I mean I knew but I kinda ignored it) to that and even told him about me and other guys (sorry baby!).

But now we are together! No more jerks. I deserve better. The nice guy wins finally. :)

That's that. And I like him LOTS! :D

Hmmm.

Ask me. If enough people ask me, I might post up his photo. Ha!



Eekean: Welcome to the world of LDR. May your phone bill explode.
Me: Thanks.

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A patronising blog entry

You all are gorgeous.



















p/s: I'm freaking blogging right now as you whine like a stuck whore, so quit complaining.

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SORRRRRRRRRRRY!

Sorry people! I have been super busy recently, thus the lack of entries.

I know i'm oweing u guys, as well as the star cruise people (sorry sorry!!!!), the nautical entry, but I'm really tied for time and there are 571 photos to edit...

The Thailand entries had around 100 photos and it took me 5 hours to sort them out, so this cruise one, I'm gonna take some more time.

When it's out it will be SO good though. :D

Meanwhile, if you are like bored, go fall in love or something. :) It's a pretty nice feeling.

Heehee

Wendy

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We brave the terror that's Yangtze

That day I got onto a cab and told my cabbie, "Uncle, Yangtze cinema!" and he looked at me quizzically.

I blushed immediately and jumped into self-defense mode, saying, "I'm just going there to watch a movie with my friends!"

Eh, apparently the uncle just didn't know his way... -_-

Anyway, to those of you who are unfamiliar with Yangtze cinemas, it just about happens to be like the last of the olden cinemas, where movie posters are painted instead of printed, and flooring is wooden instead of carpeted.

You'll possibly notice it if you go to Chinatown.

The majority of young people nowadays can't be bothered about Yangtze (called YT for short from now on) coz it only screens bloody RA shows with damn cheesy names and only lao ti kos (dirty old men) watch those movies.

My lecturer told me last time that these old men always bring umbrellas into the theatre. Most of us couldn't understand why, so we badgered her to tell us, but she just flush crimson and refused to say more...

Actually, up till today I still don't know... Is it coz they masturbate into the umbrella? Or they open up the umbrella to shield themselves?

Whatever.

So anyway, Wanyi and I have been talking about going to Yangtze to watch a show for a gazillion years, but Shuyin usually rejects us in her usual high pitched voice, saying it is "so er xin!" that the uncles wank into on the chairs, etc.

Which is true lar, but still, it's an experience of a lifetime man! I mean, I think YT will really close down soon, and we must catch it before it does!

That's me on the cab there... Sorry, I realy couldn't resist the urge to do major photoshop on the photo coz it looks so tak glam to take pictures in cabs. Haha!

We decided it's not really safe so we go Zhengchang and Alvin to go with us.

Shuyin saw a movie title on the papers and we decided to watch that...

GUESS WHAT IT'S CALLED??

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WOMB RAIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking funny! Be careful, or I will raid your womb! Muahaha!

Had to don on a jacket, Alvin Lam says I look like a prostitute and will get approached by old men. Bleah!

Actually, my reaction to that was that it would be great! Then I can put on a fake China accent and charge them $10,000 for squeezing a boob of mine. Haha... See, I'm so addicted to blogging. I think getting approached by old men would be great blogging material.

We follow the dirty old men into the ticketing area... Water bottle? Teeheehee

Wanyi is very traumatized, but as you can see, Shuyin is very excited. She is lecherous. She is very excited about watching womb raiding, because she loves wombs.

BUAHAHA

Wah, raunchy!


Is that.... your uncle?!



Screwed looks promising for old wankers... like you.

Heeheehee... It was so exciting...! Exactly like how you imagined it, there were only middle aged uncles milling around.

Shuyin's grabbing her jacket coz she is scared a random uncle would go up to her and OPEN HER JACKET, shout, "GREAT TITS!" and then fondle them a bit while wanking happily. Heeheehee

We then shove the guys to go buy tickets...

while, as you can imagine, we giggled in the corner, laughing at the old men.

I told Zhengchang to pretend to be my photo subject, but actually, all I was shooting was the guys behind... :D

Alvin, buying tickets, "Can we not have anyone sit beside us please?"

Wow, look at the tickets!

Old school huh?!

We had to choose another movie coz Womb Raider was unavailable...

It is called "Er nai de qing ren"!!! LOL! Loosely translated, it means "the lover of the mistress". WTF!

In tagalog, it is called AngKABIT! Angkabit! So funny.

With this we go into the cinemas, the girls not wanting to touch anything...

You just kinda start wondering what all the yellowish stains are...

The theatre is really not as bad as we thought it might be! The seats are velvet and quite cleanish looking, and the theatre is just small, dark and dingy.

Oh yeah, the movie costs $8.50.

Story plot! This is damn funny.

The movie starts with this girl (great tits) fantasizing about fucking on the beach, and then we have this landlord guy, who owns like a big piece of land in Philippines.

He is wheelchair bound, and his wife is the fantasizing one, but he also has a nurse, who has to do physio-therapy on his legs, to get him to walk again.

The wife, being bored and all, begin exploring her husband's land, and found herself this stud who fucks her like in all her fantasies.

I don't know about people living in 3rd world countries, but MY sexual fantasies all involves high-tech rooms in pure white colours and various shiny brushed metal machines. Beautiful people would be milling around naked... except... heehee... they are all ROBOTS! We would be in this gigantic spaceship travelling at the speed of light...**

She, on the other hand, fantasizes about being screwed in a hay field, flower field, open sea, etc. You know, the old-school, cheap fantasies. (Mine are all over million $$ to produce)

HAY FIELD?? Bugs. I hate bugs. What if they crawl into your...

Ahem. As I was saying, so both of them screw other people, and this drags on for the longest time, and involves certain really dumb scenes such as the landlord actually shitting on his bed and the nurse cleaning him up...

On the white bed was an actual turd and a pool of brownish water around it. -_- That's about the most unsexual thing i've ever seen in my life.

I don't know about other girls, but if I see a man shit his pants I don't think I'd proceed to blow him. *roll eyes*

She's a great nurse.

There was this one scene, where the nurse bent over to mess with the bed sheets, and the landlord, man boobs in wheelchair and all, pinched her... erm, on the genitals. WHAHAHAAHAHA I TELL YOU HER EXPRESSION WAS CLASSIC.

It was half pain half agony...! The man looked on in perverted glee, and asked her, "WHO'S YOUR MASTER!?"

I believe she looked at his penis and answered him in a totally predictable answer.

Oh oh oh!!

WE SAW A GUY WANKING!

I mean, we didn't SEE him wank per se, but he was sitting in the row in front of us, and his head was bobbing up and down, his chin tilted up, and his mouth slightly agape.

If that's not wanking I don't know what is.

Oh and after a while, while we all were laughing at him, he erm, climaxed. It was so disgusting!!!

All around us we heard plastic bags tinkling and zips being unzipped. Worse of all, there was ACTUAL LOUD MOANING!!

Can you believe it?! I mean, moaning?! HELLO!? How much more indiscreet can you get?

And I tell you, the uncles there are EXPERTS. When the last sex scene ended, they exited the cinema, coz they knew the rest of the show would just waste their time.

Which is true. In case you are interested to know the ending of the show, there is this crazy looking half blind teen in the show, and his name is Nelson.

Nelson was a spy for both sides... Naturally the landlord was very unhappy when he found that his wife is cheating on him, so the wife told (and paid) Nelson to tell the landlord that she and her lover would elope at a certain time and place.

The landlord took his shotgun and went to the place, and shot who he thought would be the lover, but obviously... make a guess!... it was Nelson he shot dead.

Duh. Why would Nelson go to that place?!

So anyway, the wife met her lover at another place, the most irritating of all, the man refused to leave with her!

WTF! He wanted to stay on being a farmer or something!!

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE HE STAYS ON WHEN THE LANDLORD WOULD KILL HIM!? And after all that trouble he wants to stay!

It's crazy.

So well, the wife escapes by herself, and the landlord gets convicted... Flash to scene of the wife in the city, and whilst in an urban crowd, she once again fantasizes about fucking on a beach.

END OF STORY.

(Check out the high-waisted pants uncle. We saw him pull up his pants at the end of the show.)

**I was kidding about the fantasy part

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Candy Floss Retro

This is a rather pointless entry except for a deluge of photos.

Anyway, I just dyed my hair at Kimage and it looks GREAT! I love the new shade, haha... It looks like Lindsay Lohan's colour.

I went with friends to the I'm Gorgeous party at MoS... Obviously coz I'm gorgeous, darling.

I'm bored of the usual photo-whoring, so I decided I might as well try something more artistic this time... Hover mouse over the photos to see them in their usual state. :)

I just extended my eyelashes too (Cherlyn, $60, 68849924, quit pestering me already), so I was feeling pretty!

And since I was feeling pretty, I took pictures while on the cab. It's normal. Not self-absorbed.

Isn't it weird how you can put on so much make up on your eyelids and still it looks like it's not that much when it's opened? So pointless.

Anyway I put fake lashes at the edge of my eyes... :D More dramatic, and for the retro effect.

BOMBSHELL!

It was Candy floss retro! Isn't the name so cute? Anyway, CFR is the same genre of music as mambo. I am embarrassed to say I totally dig it.

This photo is very pointless but I'm putting it up coz it is so funny that there's Adrian Mah in the background looking forlorn. HAHA! I didn't know he was there.

Or maybe not.

Kelvin looks like he is sick of my photo-whoring antics.

Wore my white satin pants. :)



My "curry-pok" hair got flattened. By Kelvin, I think.



Looks artistic eh, eh??



Vyasa + me



Called Candy Floss Retro for a reason!



They actually serve Candy Floss! In pink too!

I hate my tanline.

But I love my hair! Yippee!

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The Chengs love crab

This is so funny.

That day, Momo was in a good mood and she asked my didi (Yes, Clinton Cheng is my brother, not my cousin) and I whether we wanted to eat crabs.

When she came back from the market she kept laughing, and waving the bag of crabs around.

She said that she is very happy coz she tan dio one crab.

It so happened that the store she went to to buy the crab was beside the road, and when she finished buying her 3 big crabs, she and didi saw one crab on the road.

Yes, one crab, just lying there, for goodness knows what reason.

The loser crab was frantically attempting to flip himself over but couldn't.

WHAHAHAHA!

So right, my mom told my brother to faster go and pick up the crab!

I have no idea how the crab managed to escape the store, but yet flipped itself over. It must be fucking stupid, whahahaha! Let's laugh at it. LOSER CRAB!

My brother didn't want to pick up the crab coz he thought it's very dirty to eat things from the ground, but Momo put her foot down and insisted we take the free crab anyway, coz it is so alive and moving, and if we didn't pick him up someone would too!

("If I had only one crab then I can't do anything to the crab but I have 3 what, why can't I pick it up?" and etc excuses for being a opportunistic kiasu auntie)

(Anyway I am still laughing at the crab... I always laugh at creatures who can't flip themselves over coz I think it's damn stupid of them... Like tortoises and starfish. SO LOSER!)

Momo is really very happy that she got us all a free crab, and claims that this incident alone, amongst other unhappy events that happened to her, shows that "her luck is coming back". Aunties.

...

So anyway, she did what any typical auntie would do:

Take out the weighing scale to see how much money she picked up. Look at how happy Momo is.

SIX BUCKS! We are all very happy. :D

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HAHAHA! Loser crab.

I don't know where Momo learnt such things like chopping crabs but I think I would be a very poor wife indeed coz I am really unwilling to touch dead meat, let alone kill live animals.

The process is SO GROSS.

First Momo took up a pair of scissors, and nonchalantly clipped the crab's lower legs away while talking to me. It's like so sian lor, if you are the crab.

Can you imagine that someone is hovering a pair of deadly kitchen scissors above your head, talking about cooking you in chilli or other superficial conversation topics, and then in between breaks in the conversation process to snip off your legs like it's nothing?

Damn sick.

The crab was still moving around like the lower legs are nothing much. One crab, in the process of escaping, also lost a leg. HAHAHA! I mean, legs to crabs seem like nothing.

They go like, "OK, I'm escaping! Hey, where's leg four? Ah, fuck it." and continue whatever they are doing.

After cutting legs can cut off strings coz even if they escaped they can't run nowhere! :D

Momo proceeds to use a chopper and some stone thingy to chop the middle part of the crab up.

And once again, the crab is still moving around after being chopped right in the torso. Aw.

After that, while still chatting animatedly to me, Momo, in one swift movement, pulls the sides of the crab out such that only the top shell is left.

SO FUCKING GROSS. There's like black liquid, and plenty of crab guts left in the shell.

As you can see, Momo is playing with the crab guts in the photo. As I was taking the picture, she actually commented, "You know hor girl, some people eat these you know?".

While the guts were still PULSATING, she pulled at a random orangey thing and wondered aloud, "I think these might be eggs... Maybe we can eat them."

I puked and I think she took that to mean no.

Speaking of the pulsating. I actually took a video of it, coz I didn't believe that an organism can be pulled apart to such a stage, and yet still be alive.

It seems to inconcievable to me.

Yet, there's this brain-like grey thing in the crab, that clearly pulsated for the longest time. It still has life running through it. In fact, it pulsated for so long that I even lost interest in looking at it and proceeded to file my nails.

Amazing.

Momo said those were not brains but the heart of the crab. I knew it. Crabs weren't that smart to have brains around a 50 cent coin size. (I know you idiots are gonna pick on the fact that bigger brains do not mean smarter, but just get a life and let it go dude, let it go.)

Tadah! Lovely crab meat.

Momo also cooked dou miao and steamed eggs, so we had a fab dinner! :D

There are supposed to be more photos, but Kelvin lent me two cams, and the one which took these photos was real lousy, so the rest of the photos with the cooked crabs turned out blur.

(Thanks Kelvin! All girls go kiss him when you see him k!)

I'm now using his Canon Ixus though, coz I lost my Sony L1 on the cruise. :(

I think I left it on the damn Tuktuk in Phuket.

Sigh, that lucky Thai tuktuk driver.

So yes, this marks the end of this boh liao blog entry, and can I please get a sponsor for a camera? PLEASE???

You PR people reading this?? OEI!

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About the name Xiaxue

Wendy.

Wendy's a fairly common name I guess, though I have not met anyone recently who is called Wendy.

But throughout primary and secondary school, I'd always end up with classmates called Wendy, and these Wendys are always persistent about being called Wendy instead of their Chinese names, which are possibly stupid sounding.

I didn't like the silly name anyway (Clinton's got the worse deal though I must say) so I just let the rest of the Wendys use that name and I use my Chinese, more unique one.


Which kinda explains why my closers friends all call me Yanyan.


As I grew older more people called me Wendy because it is way easier to remember than Yanyan, and guess what? Now I have a third name: Xiaxue.

As I have patiently explained over and over again, Xiaxue is an internet nickname I used in IRC a long time ago.

It is act chio and stupid, but I used it coz if there is a mei nu in IRC, I'm sure as hell she would be called a sentimental weather condition.

Not many people know this, but nice as Xiaxue sounds (I still think it sounds like I am this gently beautiful and quiet girl - ha, the irony!), it is actually not original.

Ok fine, I was a cheating, stealing bitch. I used to go to #NCC coz I was from NCC, and inside the channel was this girl called Jacqueline who used the nickname xIa^xUe.

I thought, damn, that nickname sounds nice! However, Jacqueline, bless her soul, was very active in IRC, so whenever she was online I couldn't use her nickname as she registered it.

I was then still murking around for a nickname but couldn't think of one, so I settled on another weather element: Xia Yu.

WHAT THE FUCK. I think I was crazy.

People starting teasing me and asking if it means blind fish, prawn fish, etc, which got me quite pissed off.

After a few months, it seems like Jacqueline didn't go online anymore!

So I started using her nickname. Heehee.

I know she is called Jacqueline coz people kept popping out of nowhere and asking me if I were her, and that pissed me off coz I refused to be overshadowed.

I hoped to myself that one day my Xiaxue will be even more well known than her xIa^xUe, and ironically enough, that happened and it happened major. -_-

I dunno lah, but if I were Jacqueline I would be fucking pissed. Stupid imposter stole my nickname and got famous by it.

So anyway, there came the day when I started registering for a blog.

Initially I wanted to use wendy.blogspot.com, but that was not available. So I thought, hell, maybe I would just use xiaxue since blogs are supposed to be about your internet self too.

How the fuck would I know that in years to come, I would become famous by that name?

I mean, the blog was meant to be for friends to read initially, and for all I know I would have chosen labia.blogspot.com and gotten famous by it. Then I will be known as Labia the blogger.

People would make Labia jokes all the time and whatever I blog, the imagery of a labia would just pop up. When I talk serious stuff, people would just snigger.

Playboy would pay me millions to flash my labia so that people can unleash the mystery that is my labia.

Nowadays, conversations go like this:

(On phone)
Me: "Hey Mike, this is Wendy."
Person: "Which Wendy?"
Me: "Erm, Xiaxue."
Person: "Oh! Hi!"

Can you imagine if you have to replace Xiaxue with Labia? It would be damn sick.

As it is, I cringe everytime I have to call myself Xiaxue, coz it is an act cute name, and not one I am born with. I don't WANT to be called Xiaxue!

Bah.

I mean, if given a choice, I think I'd rather not get famous by that name.

I think I would choose... DA BOMBSHELL.

Teeheehee...

"Wendy who?"
"Wendy da BOMBSHELL!"

That would be great.

Anyway, I am posting another like 3 blog entries tonight. That would make the grand total four blog entries in one day!

You are a lucky bitch. I told you it is good for you to stick around da bombshell (which is me).

p/s: Howard commented that this entry is very boring and I should delete it. HMPH! That man thinks just coz he is some Dude of The Year he can get away with rudeness and murder.

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