=D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

*throws confetti in air*

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Fans my ass

I've been fucking irritated by one cb reader recently, and I don't know much about her, but I do know she's a loser.

I mean, while she was a "fan" she was nice to me, so of course you don't tell people in their face that they should get less obsessed about a stranger's blog and start living their own meaningful lives, but since she is no longer feeling positive about my blog, I might as well say this.

STOP IT ALREADY.

I know you are like 15, but that is no excuse for being practically a stalker.

Let's call her Knob Mushroom. (I'm recently very obsessed with Kingdom Of Loathing!! It's really fun, go try playing it. Woot!)

Now Knob "discovered" my blog around 3 months ago or so, and there she is, singing praises about it and how clever, insightful and pretty I am. She claimed to be my biggest fan, would leave an average of like 3 freaking comments per post, yakking meaningless rubbish about how cool and perfect Xiaxue is.

I'm like... is this person a siao ding dong or what? *frowny expression*

Then came one fine day, where my "biggest fan" read the archives, and read something she didn't like.

*cue civil war music*

It was this post, and she particularly did not like the little snippet of me saying I saw a Mosque worker who apparently knew nothing about his own religion. ("Is there free will?" "What is that?" *explains free will* "Oh, there is no free will.")

She wrote me a long email, claiming to be now my "ex-fan".


When I say long, I mean long.

The gist of her mail consisted of her telling me about how she really believes in her religion and that her God is all sacred - which I'm sure is very interesting and all, but I AM NOT INTERESTED.

Who gives a flying fuck about your life story? NOT ME.

The final little conclusion of her mail? Teaching me how to blog:

If you want to become a successful blogger for many years to come, here's a S U G G E S T I O N: learn to give some space in respecting others religious values.

I love how she wrote like she is the grand master of blogging and is bestowing some fruits of wisdom to me.

No really, fuck off.

I replied her:

If you read carefully enough, I am simply saying that the man I talked to was bullshitting about Islam and what he said was not true.

What the hell are you so angry about?!

Look what she replied:

Knob Mushroom Jan 6
well... I apologize for my part. I guess I misunderstood and mis-interpreted... Well, can u blame me? u shud've stated things more clearly.. aiizz... well it's ok. it's ur blog, im the one reading. i just felt upset ok. im quite religious, i don't like people making insensitive comments regarding Islam ok. its nothing to do with my sense of pride, i just don't like it when people write as if they are turning God's word around.. well, if what you say is true, i apologize for my outburst. maybe that was rude of me too. i was very disappointed though when i got angry. because i really liked reading your blog entries... well....

One word:

SIAO

What the fuck does she mean by "if what you say is true"? Can't she fucking open her fucking eyes and read the fucking blog entry herself?

For goodness sake if you are incapable of understanding simple English, don't act like you can, and attempt to correct others.

Man I hate these fucking religious bigots - as long as you are not in their religion and you mention their God, they get all jumpy and think you are trying to insult their faith.

Fuck off from my face, seriously. Not everything is about you, and nobody was trying to say any fucking thing about your religion, unless, of course, you, like the idiot I spoke to, agree that there is no free will in Islamism?

Well anyway I couldn't be bothered about her, and there we go again - she started being the biggest fan once more.

Suddenly, she is back being the biggest EX fan again, after yesterday's entry.

*roll eyes and snorts*

Stop it - do I give a shit whether you like me or not? YES - because you are quite significant due to my grand total of 5 readers which I cannot afford to lose.

All those muthafucking comments on the last entry saying you are disappointed in me - what is it that you are so fucking disappointed about, may I ask?

Do you know me very well? Am I your son whom you have recently found out has gonorrhea?

Disappointed, disappointed. Disappointed you fucking ass la, why don't you go eat shit instead?

(I wanted to insert a picture of someone eating shit here, but the pictures I found in google are seriously disturbing.)

You don't know me, so there is nothing to be disappointed about - and even if you are, don't tell me to me like it would matter, coz it doesn't.

I mean, it does matter in the sense it pisses me off, but not in the sense it hurts me.

Because you fucking self-proclaimed biggest "fans" are all idiots anyway.

Please tell me how I am supposed to continue blogging, when everything I say someone will be unhappy about it?

Today it's about my lack of compassion and Knob mushroom gets all mad, tomorrow it would be about Kingdom of Loathing and some Neopet fan will be all like,

"Wow Xiaxue, I am so disappointed in you. I thought you would know better than to like KoL over Neopets. That game is violent. I was once an avid reader, and now, I won't read your blog any more."

Yeah yeah fuck off and don't come back.

Or or like, "Xiaxue, I find you increasingly sensationalised. I think this angry post, which you cannot possibly be sincere about, is trying to create controversy once again. I am so disappointed in you, I thought you better."

Or, "Xiaxue, you are so predictable. After a controversial post, you will post a follow-up dissing people who comment meanly, and that is a sure way to get new readers."

To this I say, WHATEVER.

You think advertisers really care if I get 10,000 or 20,000 readers? Let me tell you this: They don't. Because xiaxue.blogspot.com has already established its brand name, and I don't need to create controversy for the sake of increasing my readership.

If I were interested in doing that, I would have blogged about Tammy, or Dawn's surgery, or now, Colin and Kero.

But I am not interested their businesses unless it affects me.

I only want to air out my thoughts.

And newbies here who find this post remarkably gutsy and want to claim you are my biggest fan now, why not you go play with your labia instead (that's for you boys too)?

Don't be a fucking turncoat and act like you know me so well and like me loads, then proclaim how appalled you are 3 months later, like I did something totally out of line.

What's there to be so disappointed about that I am not as compassionate as the average human? It's none of your business unlike I delibrately hurt people - which I don't.

And also, stop saying I contradict myself. I already said I have mixed feelings about my thoughts on natural selection.

Fucking fans. Go idolise someone else.

And Knob Mushroom?

FUCK YOU, STUPID BITCH.

Stop acting like you are so sad that I am now a flawed person and I can no longer be your "blog idol". It's damn disgusting can?

p/s: To the superficial people who only wanna see photos, I am editing now. However, Knob Mushroom's face keeps popping up (looks like a mushroom, of course), and I am feeling angsty so I am drawing black lines all over my friends' faces. They look like they are cursed by The Ring.

p/p/s: One more thing: I never thought the previous post was controversial. I thought most people would think that way. Guess I'm wrong, you hypocritical kind people, who did not donate your life savings to African orphans. Nor your kidneys. I wish you did. Both of them. Muahaha

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Survival of the Fittest

Some time ago Wong sent me this email:

Dear friends,

This is not junk mail. It's my personal reflections. Last night, I watched a documentary on BBC about the plight of Congolese children who are being accused of witchcraft called Kindoki. I felt really strongly and interested about it and forgive me for sounding preachy, but I would like to share my sentiments with all of you.

The history or what I know of it
Recently, in Congo, there is a sudden surge of Revivalist Churches in Kinshasa, capital of Congo. These revivalist churches preach christianity to the Congolese who originally had African tribal traditions and religions consisting of witchcraft and whatnots. I only caught the later bits of the documentary, but basically church workers started accusing young children of having kindoki (i think some form of devil or something).

The rampant abuse of children
Kids who were accused of kindoki had to receive "deliverance", if not they will not be cured. The result, parents started abandoning their very own kids accused of kindoki on the streets. As to the issue of deliverance, I watched some scenes of how rituals were conducted to give deliverance to kids who were 5-8 years old and believe me, it was very very brutal and scary: They rubbed chilli peppers in the eyes and body of the young child and pour salt water in their eyes. I even saw the so called "healer" who is a full bodied 40ish year old African man STOMPED on the body and the stomach of children aged 3-5, claiming that the evil spirit must be stomped.

The psychology of the abused children
What I found even more disturbing was that children were WILLING to be abused by the church workers in the name of Christ. I remember a scene where a little girl was chanting "i wanna be saved by jesus and the holy spirit" while having chilli peppers rubbed into her stomach violently. The children are led to believe they have stupid nonsense shit like kindoki and then how they are so WILLING to let such abuse to be carried out on them, so that they can be loved and accepted by their family and parents. Can u imagine little kids at the age of 3 or 5, putting themselves out like that so they can be accepted by their parents? They also fast their children for weeks, in order to purge the kindoki. Little kids, could be your niece and nephew, made to starve for weeks.

Then there was the story of this girl who was abandoned on the streets. Thing is mostly, it's the uncle or aunt of the family who accused the child of having kindoki, never the parents themselves. Her uncle accused her of having Kindoki and they put her over a fire and if she screamed, then it was verified that she indeed have kindoki. Most ridiculous thing I ever heard. If u put me over a fire, of course, i will scream. Then they proceeded to unleash child abuse on her and abandon her on the streets.

Thousands of young kids are abandoned on the streets because of accusations of Kindoki and I am not sure what I can do to help. But the least I can do is raise awareness of their plight in Congo. For me, I think such stupidity is unacceptable, and I have no idea how Christianity devolved to such forms. The documentary suggests that shutting down Revivalist Church might put a stop to such a massive scale of child abuse, but the thing is they keep springing up, especially in poor and undeveloped Congo.

Well, it's just some food for thought for me. And I think it's nice to share with my friends and if your interested, would be real nice, if you could read up and we can talk more about how to help the children. But do think about it. And thanks for giving 5 minutes of ur time to read me out.

Regards,
Ee Kean.

My reply was this:

Natural selection at work, Eekean. Dumb parents give birth to kids... Their kids die when abandoned. Stops the dumbness from being passed down.

Imagine the willingly abused kid gets saved by you, and he grows up thinking he must also abuse his kid. How many generations of kids are you willing to save, and how much money must working, normal individuals give in taxes to save the dumb?

Innocent as the kids are, that's the way the world functions. It's sad, but true.

Because we can't all be clever.

I don't blame the religion in the least. It is the people who are stupid enough to believe it, and are even willing to hurt their own children for their stupid beliefs.

HOW FUCKING CB-LY STUPID CAN YOU GET?!

I don't know since when, but I certainly didn't consciously realise how my heart seemed to have hardened so much over recent years.

As a young teen of maybe 13, I would have been quite upset reading this mail, and perhaps attempt to save the poor children for maybe 2 days and give up, giving in to my world of pointy combs, dyed hair, and multiple boyfriends.

Wow, I remember I was so goddamn kindly when I was a kid!

I used to refuse to play the game leapfrog (where u jump over a person's back by pressing your two palms on it) coz I thought it would hurt my friends. Therefore I was constantly the person leaped over - which is, needless to say, rather not fun. I believe it might also add to my stunted growth.

But nowadays I see charity shows and only cringe a little at other people's misfortunes.

Instead of feeling so sorry for them and crying, which I used to, I would think in my heart, if you are kinda old, had an operation for 13 times, and lose two limbs and have nobody taking care of you (meaning nobody gets devastated when you die), why don't you end your life instead of living in misery?

I then get stunned at myself for thinking such a terrible thought, and mentally torment myself by solving cube root maths equations till I break out in sweat and think I have suffered enough.

I think this little change in my occurred one precious lesson in secondary school... I know I have related this story a gazillion times, but anyway, here it is again for those who haven't read it...

My class in 2A, River Valley's second year, had only like 9 boys, and in one particular lesson we were divided into groups, where in the class there was a group of only boys (like 4 of them - Joseph, Junhan, Jing Quan you were in it! I think).

We were all presented with a problem, and had to discuss within our groups how to solve it best. Well anyway, it was a stupid scenario, where a group of 6 or so people were trapped in some island, and there was only food for 4 people.

All the girls presented first, and naturally, being a nerdy school where everyone was kindly and good natured, all the girls suggested sharing the food and blah blah.. DOES NOT WORK! Already told you there is not enough food for all the people YOU COCKS!

In the girls' solution either everyone goes hungry, or the strongest man would have to sacrifice his food for the young or old. (Clever - when the strongest man dies, who goes hunting, the baby?)

When it came to the boys' turn to give their solution, they promptly announced, "We will dump the old woman behind."

The teacher, shocked (nerdy school, nerdy school, remember that, everyone in RV is nice), asked why they would do such a thing!

Joseph then smirked and said, "Because only the strongest survive, cher!" and the boys proceeded to whoop among themselves.

There you go, a perfect, realistic solution - because that's the way nature intended it to be.

That one sentence had such a strong effect on me, that from that moment onwards I never stopped thinking of that every time I see a sympathetic situation.

It is not that I don't feel empathy anymore of course, it is just that I tend to not dwell on human tragedy as much or as long, coz I have learned that that is the way of life.

[Digression! Speaking of situations where some people unknowingly do something to make you change your entire life, my Poly coursemate once, in a crowded train, said loudly to me, "Yan yan, your breath stinks!" in front of all my other friends. Since then, I developed a phobia for having stinky breath (and being told of it in front of everyone in a MRT train), and I thus now ALWAYS have sweets with me everywhere I go. If I am not armed with the sweets, I get very anxious and refuse to talk (much, coz I cannot don't talk, I'll die). Stinky breath eh? I'm the person with the nicest breath now!]

Yes. So back to Survival of the fittest.

[Another digression, wiki says that this phrase is a tautology. This means a statement which is true by its own definition - ie "fitness" is defined by survival so the phrase literally means Survival of the survivors. Interesting huh?! I wonder if the phrase "pointless tautology" is tautology too. You stupid buffoon.]

That day I was talking to Mike about socialism and medicine being socialised (when we are not telling each other how cute we are, we talk about difficult philosophical dilemmas).

My stand was that yes, it should be socialised (ie, available to all at no or low fee to the public, coz it is paid for by tax payers), because I was thinking in my mind, if one day my grandparents get ill (CHOY), god forbid I don't have enough money to cure them and they thus don't get saved.

And also, fuck those rich people if they get saved only coz they have filthy money. They don't deserve to live more than my nice gramps who love me a lot!!!!!!! ROAR!

On the other hand, I think of those dumbass teenage girls who attempt suicide so they can be special or can get attention or think they are vampires, and I feel like bashing socialism in its face and hope these people die coz they are wasting our doctors' time.

Of course, these teenage girls might be very rich so this has nothing to do with socialised medicine, but I am just saying.

So anyway, my somewhat rickety stand on socialised medicine is contradictory to my stand on Natural Selection, and I guess in that sense my stand on the latter is somewhat rickety too, coz only when it involves someone dear to me I turn tables and go all compassionate.

Becoming fucking confused.

Anyway, my point is that I'm an unsympathetic, mean, hard-hearted person now - unless I happen to know the sorry person involved.

Don't tell me to feel sorry for, ie, someone I don't know who killed himself by jumping into the MRT tracks to retrieve a shoe. I'd just say, oh, that's natural selection.

Kelvin, while on the causeway and looking at the thousands of blue collar workers edging their way back to JB on their motorbikes: "I feel sorry for them."

Me, "I don't."

Kelvin, "Cmon, not even in the least bit? Looking at them squeeze like that and breathing in all the smoke?!"

Me, "I don't know them, but I know that only with such people around (the lower caste) can we be living comfortably, coz not everyone can be rich."

(I then followed up by singing joyously with a song titled "Communists are pigs")

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Impeding Impending danger

FUCK!

*breaks into hysterics*

Have you heard of those horror stories before, where someone is blessed with a talent for something, and then suddenly it is taken away from him/her?

Truthfully I haven't heard of such stories, but I suppose it does happen on Hollywood movies, you know, to punish the lead to treasure his blessings and whatever, he would learn his lesson and a lightning bolt would hit him and his would be able to act/write/sing again, except now he is all kindly.

I think I am losing the ability to blog!

I mean, I used to be able to just sit here and type rubbish, and the rubbish would turn out to be amazingly funny and interesting. And when I finish, I go like, "wow, that turned out good!" and go to sleep without thinking much about it.

I think I will lose my blogging talent when 28th of April arrives!

Why 28th you ask. COZ LAO NIANG WOULD BE 22 ON THAT DATE!

I will be so old! No offense to you older people, but damn! My life will become more and more disinteresting!

I can't even complain about rubbish anymore and have people say "Oh, that's cute, she's so young." Suddenly, I don't represent the youth opinion of Singaporeans anymore, coz I am a middle aged adult now.

Soon (7 days, you fuckers) I will completely lose the ability to blog, and people would stop coming to my site.

The last curious readers would come here, shake their heads sadly, and mumble, "Oh, this is boring..." and dejectedly open up mrbrown.com instead and listen to his podcasts.

A few people would still ask sometimes, when gossip goes slow, "Where has the interesting Xiaxue gone to?" but seriously, no one really cares.

A newer, younger generation of bloggers will scurry along, eager to have a job where they literally do nothing. Photoshop will go way beyond 7 into CS23.7, where these new bloggers are the masters - they would thus be prettier than I can ever transform myself.

They would mumble a random controversial statement ("I use handicapped toilets!") and the nation would hold its breath, saying in awe, "SUCH GUTS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!".

I will then be forced to work a day job, where I will become an admin clerk.

My life will be fattening because I sit at a desk the whole day, and thus I will be forced into a diet of salad and cuppucinos.

I'll take up smoking and my favourite brand of clothes will become gg>5 (fav outlet Raffles place coz it is so near), my favourite shoes Charles and Keith. There I will be, walking everyday to work from Tanjong Pager Mrt, and my colleagues will all be nice and wear cardigans/blazers.

I'll stop going clubbing coz "it is so tiring - and I'm too old", and instead go hang out at Balaclava where, for once, I don't have to hear my colleagues talk coz the bloody band is playing (yay).

I don't want. :(

I'm tired. Shall go sleep and wake up with even less blogging talent.

Yeah yeah dwindle away all you want. You will be missing out I tell you! *averts eyes* Yes indeed you will! I will, I will, be, erm, writing as a failed blogger tomorrow! Oh wait I already am.

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:D

Happy birthday to my bff!!!!!!



22? SO OLD. And also quite ugly. Hahaha

Everyone say Happy Birthday!

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Boring Monday

It is so boring! I can't believe my sleep time is back to normal again! (slept at 2am, woke up at 11.37am, chao turtle, wake up so early for fuck, all my friends are still sleeping)

I kinda slept early yesterday night coz Mike was away on a wedding and could only be back home (where his internet and computer is) NOW, but due to some plane fuck-up he can only come back by tonight, and thus I am awake and bored.

I've got nothing to do at home!

I wanna play mahjong.

I have finished surfing the tabloids for today, and I have watched all the dvds I wanted to watch, and I am bored.

I know I have already said I am bored like a gazillion times and this is possibly making you bored as well, but that's good.

Anyway, yesterday I wanted Gu huo zai (anyone remembers that show?! Damn old school!) part III again, the classic one where Gigi Lai dies after being raped (cue that song gan xin ti dai ni), and I felt an irresistable urge to date an ah beng again.

[Gu huo zai means "gangsters" in Hong Kong, and the show has Ekin Cheng, Jordan Chan in it, if you remember...]

As far as ah bengs are concerned, I think Mike is as far from ah beng as there can be, and I felt quite sad for a moment thinking about this.

Then it occurred to me that Ekin Cheng's girlfriend got raped (by a short and ugly guy no less) and then killed, so hey, maybe it is not that great to date an ah beng afterall.

And besides, local bengs are useless. It's only the Hong Kong mafia that's cool. They wear couture and date celebrities - all while holding a parang to chop people up. *whistles* The local bengs only squat around discuss their new hair dye colours... Cheh.

Anyway something has been bothering me recently.

People are calling me an spg. FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!

How is it that I can be an SPG when all the guys I have been together with were all Chinese (and one 1/4 Indian too), before Mike?

It puzzles me that when people hear my boyfriend is Caucasian, the first thing they come up with is, Oh, you must like him coz he is white. The second thing they come up with is, depending on how sexual they are, that either Mike has money, or has a long penis.

Why can't it be that I like his smothering good looks, or that I like him adoring me, or that he is smart, or that he smells nice, or his supreme talent in juggling (which he doesn't have) or something?

Stereotypes. But it's ok, coz stereotyping is inevitable.

Especially when there are so many spgs around.

Don't call me an SPG!!!! SPGs date fat, balding, loser Caucasians, and Mike is none of that.

And SPGs have STDs. I don't. I think. Fuck, what's this itch... OH, A MUSHROOM!! (I'm joking)

Kelvin told me sometime before, that he met this friend's friend who is a self-proclaimed SPG. She deems Asian guys as being of a lower calibre, and that she would never date, ie, a local guy, coz yadda yadda, whatever racist reasons.

Now the thing is, she is fucking fat and ugly.

There she is, yapping on about how she would never date a Chinese guy, and there Kelvin is, thinking, yeah, like any decent Chinese guy would wanna date YOU.

Classic case of sour grapes. You know you can't get a decent local guy, and therefore you say you wanna only date angmohs.

SPGs = losers.

Now angmohs - how many times have you seen a fat, balding, Caucasian male walking along the streets of Holland Village holding a young, but ridiculously ugly Filipino/Thai/insert random SEA country girl?

Why, if Caucasians are so superior (according to the spgs anyway), are they dating these disgusting chicks?

Maybe because there are old, fugly, loser Caucasians around who can't get any better white chicks in their own country.

Think about it, a fat, middle-aged American man in America, can possibly pork a chick that's close to his calibre, ie, fat and middle-aged.

Whoa! When he comes to Asia, the spgs all flock to him, because US currency is bigger than the SGD, and he is king. That, and the fact that his sperm breeds Eurasian babies.

He would have a choice of either a young ugly spg speaking with a fake accent, or a middle-aged white chick.

The white chick sounds like a better choice, you say.

That's true, but see, 1stly, the middle-aged white chick possibly is educated and works for her own living, meaning she will not give in to any chauvinistic behaviour the guy has.

The spg, however, is possibly less able of earning her own keep (think Thai hookers), and thus would give in to any shit the guy gives her.

Secondly, angmohs have a warped concept of Asian beauty (with the exception of Mike who has very good taste), and flat noses, small eyes, zero class (sorry, but I am thinking of domestic helpers milling along Liat Towers) and long labias - every single fucking thing can be credited and accepted due to "Oh well, she's Asian, it's normal for her race to look like that."

Fuck, there are Asians who look like this, and there are Asians who look like this:

(reason why I chose Cecilia Cheung is coz she is dating an angmoh guy too, and no one would call her an SPG, coz she is not with zero class)

So no, not all Asian girls look like those sluts you see in porn with their brown labias, pig nose and fake tits. There are those who have class too.

Some of you said I was contradicting myself when I said I was disgusted with the farangs in Thailand dating Thai girls.

Oh? How is that contradictory? I deem myself as an educated, above-average looking girl. I am not a gogo bar dancer who hooked up and married the angmoh who stuffed a few hundred baht down my ass crack.

Therefore, whenever I hear some Caucasian male go like, "I like Asian chicks," my immediate reaction is that he possibly likes the porn-star low-class sort, and this pisses me off coz I am bundled in the same group as these girls just coz I am Asian.

And of course, if you haven't understood it yet, I do think of myself as being superior to these girls.

In any case, it's a perfect match isn't it? The spg can't get any Asian guys who are better, and the old Caucasian male can get a young white girl either.

Asian men should stop getting pissed off that there are spgs around looking down on you. Coz now you know: You won't want disgusting spgs either.

On a different note, Eileen (Tan) and I were talking about penis sizes that day. I told her that it is a natural way of things for races to fuck within their races, because penis and vagina sizes of each race is possibly best fitted for each other.

If the Asian man has a smaller penis (stats here. I'm not trying to be racist), then he should screw the Asian girl, since Asian girls are smaller in stature and would have, well, tighter genitals.

(stop trying to say I am contradicting myself. Just coz I say it "should" be that way doesn't mean I must follow it. I also say we "should" be nice to the ozone layer but I still use my fridge.)

Eileen then frowned and said then isn't it better if White men went for Asian girls, thus resulting in great pleasure for both sexes?

I then frowned at her and said, "Then lidat the Asian guys and the White chicks screw who?"

Eileen laughed and said the White chicks can go for the Black guys...

I laughed and said that would leave the Black girls to have really bad sex with the Asian guys. Ha. *dry laughter*

This entry possibly offends the whole world. Anyway, there are obvious exceptions to the scenarios I managed, so there might just be rare case that when an old balding white guy likes a young, jobless asian chick, they might just have true love - and are not together just coz they both can't get any better.

---

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:(

I have absolutely nothing interesting to write about.

I've failed you all as a full-time blogger.

I'll go kill myself now, and end this misery.

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