Forumites are losers

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I received this email the other day, and for the life of me I cannot understand why people give a shit whether I eat an ice cream on the damn bus.

I am not a child who will drip the ice cream all over, and even if I tried to, I cannot coz the ice cream is a damn jelly that doesn't drip!

The only person who should care is the bus driver, and apparently he didn't give a flying fuck, so why should Singaporeans?

I don't mean to ask you all to be apathetic, but MAN! If you wanna go talk about something, please talk about something more substantial can?

It's fun to gossip about people for a bit, but you if start to take a serious stance and argue about why people should not be allowed to eat on public transport, you know you are quite a loser, don't you?

I think it's very funny because on that bus, nobody seemed to also give a fuck about me eating ice cream, so it can logically be concluded that real life people really don't mind, else they would have came to my face to tell me.

And since forum people seem to severely mind an ice cream on the bus, we can thus conclude only 1 thing:

Forum people are not real life people.

By that I mean they are just a strong persona online, while in real lives they are meek, useless wallflowers.

They are losers all communicating via a channel where their physical selves cannot be seen, because of various reasons, I dunno, maybe they have body odours, or they have a nervous lip twitch which makes people uncomfortable to talk to them... things like that.

Have you noticed how most forumites are really negative? That's right. That comes from the lack of talking to real humans.

I don't care if some of the forum people were defending me, or like me. I think you all should stop going to forums and discussing totally trashy topics of no consequence. Just stop it.

On a totally different note, I have started disliking girls who do yoga. You know, girls like that other cancer-ridden chick in Samsoon? Hate them. I don't know why I am this way.

I should stop too.

p/s: I watched the Princess Hours show and still find Daniel the MOST HANDSOME of them all. I am biased, I think chup chengs look the best!

p/p/s: Francis' latest reply is, "Ya...you just don't know what u r saying 'cause you are kena fuck while writing your blog in the 1st place....enjoy you fucking"

See, this is the kind of idiot forumites are. What am I talking about? Of course we should listen to his opinions. Look, his grammar is all perfect!

SCREW ALL FORUM LOSERS!

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Bye

Am going to England.

p/s: Am not really going, its a joke, get it? Like I wanna go clubbing there and get boobs grabbed by princes. Geddit? WHY NOBODY GETS IT?!

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Bloody stupid tree-burning Indonesians

It's Mid-autumn festival and I can't see the moon!

What the hell is their problem? I'd love to burn their asses.

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Korean boys!

Wooah!! Am going mad!

Momo bought this dvd back, some Korean drama called My Lovely Samsoon, and it has two fabulously super super cute Korean boys inside!

Behold:

They are both super cute can!

I don't know their names, but I was reduced to a drooling tween just watching the show, which is... erm, mediocre to say the least.

But got handsome boys mah!

Momo was watching it with me too, totally nonplussed, and I was squealing and going "HEN SHUAI!" every two seconds, cursing the cameras for focusing so much on fat Samsoon (the lead female) instead of the boys.

I asked Momo does she feel sad that because she is so old, young handsome boys like these won't like her, and she said a rather curt no. I think she is lying to herself.

I don't think I'd like being old.

I kept going, "How?! I cannot decide which one is more handsome, how?!!!!!!" in a hysterical manner and Momo quizzically asked, "Why must you decide?"

Cheh!

She dunno one lor, I am so pretty, I stand a chance ok! What if both like me one day! And what if, both of them go like,

"Wendy, which one of us do you like better?"
"Yes, NOW! Tell us now!"

And I go stuttering, like,

"ER, I DUNNO, I DUNNO, I LIKE BOTH OF YOU!! You got dimple and speak sexy Korean, he got freckles and pretty eyes, I DUNNO I DUNNO!"

and they will both stomp off in a handsome huff, muttering mutinously to themselves about insincere girls and indecisive people.

I wouldn't like that now, would I?

So yes, I must go back to choosing.

Sorry I haven't blogged for days. The only interesting thing I encountered for the past week was a 60cents jelly-like lychee ice cream I bought.

See, I told you it was jelly-like. What a weird surprise, you eat the ice cream thinking it's all ice and stuff, but it turns out rather chewy.

Not too bad tasting too.

Why the handsome Korean boys like fat Samsoon? I shall learn to be a pastry chef like her.

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Weak women

Sometimes I see girls so weak, I really feel like just giving them one tight slap to ask them to wake up!

And I don't mean weak physically - I mean weak mentally, where they would not defend themselves!

Example 1:

For goodness knows what reason, "Eric" was once again invited to play mahjong with us. Maybe he invites himself, hmm.

Now, he owes me $24, which I might say, is a super small amount, but he keeps claiming he has no money and no job... THEN WHY HE STILL PLAYING MJ AH?!

And lagi best. That day we had 2 tables, and he lost $12 to Benny. Still oweing me $20 from two weeks ago (he paid $4 which I used to treat Kelvin and Russ to milkshakes), he paid up the $12 to Benny! Wah pui chao nua! Why he like that one ah?

So anyway, I don't like him as it is.

His girlfriend, is not very likeable too, though mostly she just keeps quiet so that's fine.

But that day, we played mj till freaking 8am in the morning.

That would mean that the best of us bummers are possibly quite tired, and Eric's girlfriend, who has a full-time job I heard, is possibly super exhausted.

Now we were at Ann's place, and Eric's girlfriend has been sitting quietly beside him for around, I say, 7 hours? or so, WATCHING HIM PLAY DOTA AND MJ PLACIDLY.

DOTA! Fucking boring to be just watching!

I don't understand how ANY girls can be such pets you know, just sacrificing their time to do things their boyfriends like to do while being totally bored. YOUTH! Youth is how valuable and only come once! How can they just spend hours doing things they don't like?!

The time that she spent watching worthless Eric play MJ can easily be exchanged for time to do an eyelash extension and maybe a hair dye, making her prettier and worthy of better guys!

*shakes head in disbelief*

Never mind. The girl never made any noise. Not about being bored, or whatever. Just accompanying him.

Now beside the MJ tables were two couches, and the gf was just sitting there, beside this other friend of ours who was happily dozing on one couch.

Obviously after a while (being freaking 8am in the morning and not sleeping the whole night), the girlfriend fell asleep.

Eric hollered suddenly, in front of 8 people or so,

"Next time if you want to sleep don't come at all ok? Very irritating!"

In a super pissed off voice!

If anyone ever spoke to me like this I'd calmly walk up to him, smile and stuff some mahjong tiles in his mouth (mind you, they are dirty like hell and very hard) all while grabbing his crotch to smash his balls to little bits of scum (and cum. WHAHAHA) like his character... BUT NO!

All she did was to quietly attempt to wake up, turn on the tv to a minute volume, and tried not to fall asleep again while her boyfriend lost more money (and at the same time completely ignoring her existance).

If Eric is totally handsome I can understand the sacrifice. If he is terribly rich I can understand too. Or maybe his character is very good? But he is just really scrawny, wears bell-bottoms, not very clever, not very nice, and certainly quite poor.

The only reason I can think of for her sort of tolerance is that he screws damn well, but how do ugly people screw well? Well, I wouldn't know, would I?

(Also, he apparently read the last blog entry I wrote about him and said he doesn't care if I blog about him, so I thought maybe I might write this one too.)

Anyway, the point of the story is: Why are some girls so bloody stupid ah? It's only because there are girls who will take such bullshit that guys become such jerks; because they know they can get away with it!

Maybe, maybe this is what will happen in future for them...

Example 2:

Momo told me about this unfortunate client of hers whose husband fucked the maid.

GROSS.

The poor lady came over to our place and stayed for hours, not willing to go home to see witness her poor plight.

Now she is not a looker, and is really softspoken. She had school till sec 4 maybe, and since then have worked in her husband's minimart (who is owned by the mother-in-law) all her life, slogging and giving birth to 4 children for him. (1 mth to 6 years old)

The husband then had a freaking affair with the maid, and guess what? HE WANTED HER TO STAY ON IN THE FAMILY! He wanted the wife to accept that he was in love with her, and that she was to not send the maid back!

THEN WHAT THE CHILDREN GROW UP TO CALL THE MAID MOM AH?!

I CANNOT believe that that guy had the atrocity to have such a demand at all!

The stupid wife wanted to send the maid back, but the husband found the hidden passport and kept it, so she (said) she couldn't do anything. *roll eyes*

All she did was to cry.

The husband and the maid would disappear for hours on end, leaving the minimart and children under her care, and they would COME BACK WITH LOVE BITES ALL OVER.

As if it's not enough, the maid also didn't do her work, and would hit the kids and pull their hair! OMG. It's a one month old baby, and the wife let the slut maid take care of her kids! How stupid is she?

The maid would also throw things around when she is angry, and the HUSBAND DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Can you imagine? Not only you have to live in the same damn house as the other cheap woman your husband is fucking, you have to pay her money, and also take in her tantrums!

Wah that maid is really horrible.

The cb husband would fondle and massage the maid publicly in the minimart, and there was once an auntie who was a regular customer came in, went to the cashier, and told the wife, "Wah, can like that, very good hor, do work for you, and can touch her somemore! Can like that ah?" in Hokkien.

The wife just kept quiet, and at night, she told the husband not to do such things in public (what, only in public cannot ah?!), because people will talk.

The husband shouted at her back again, so she called Momo to cry.

-_-

And oh yeah. When the husband and wife quarrels, the maid would stand at the side and SNIGGER.

Oh I tell you, if that maid is mine she would have been slapped around 10 thousand times already. In fact, I might bite off her nipple. Both of them. (Joke, get it?)

I was like, "Why doesn't she tell the agency that the maid has been doing this?" but Momo said that she was afraid the husband would have to go to jail for fucking the help. WHICH HE TOTALLY DESERVES I SAY!

Anyway, so this silly wife didn't do anything, until Momo, being a heroine, stepped in and, together with the wife's brother, had an ultimatum showdown with the husband.

Either he gives the passport to them, or they will report him to Ministry of Manpower and make him go to damn jail! (which is too good for unrepenting scum like that)

So he did (give the passport, not go to jail), and the maid was sent back today. In the airport she kept sms-ing the husband, and when the agency people told her to stop, she went to throw another fit and broke her sim-card in half.

OMG, I really need to box her so bad.

Today's juicy news just came in, and the man told Momo that he is gonna divorce his wife and use his mom's name to bring the maid back into Singapore again coz he really loves her and he wants to "pursue his dreams".

Momo told him that if your dreams hurt so many people please go and die or something like that.

Please lar, that naive man thinks the maid really loves him. He is like 50, fat, and poor, while the maid is like my age! Nobody but his stupid wife would slog from 6am till 12 midnight everyday for him. Asshole, hope he burns in hell!

4 kids! Poor darlings.

I don't even understand why she doesn't want to divorce him! I will never accept a man who cheated on me with the maid. Goodness knows what 3rd-world STD she has!

I'd ask Momo for the maid's name tomorrow. Maybe we should write a petition to ask MOM to not allow her back in our country. Bloody home wrecker.

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Anyway, the point of the two stories is: I hate weak women!!!!

What century is it now, huh? DO WE STILL STAND AROUND AND ALLOW PEOPLE TO CIRCUMSIZE OUR CLITS?! ROARRRRR! OF COURSE NOT!

How DARE men bully us like that!!!!!!!

If any of my boyfriends ever cheats on me with the maid I will pretend to not mind and forgive him, and exactly one year later boil a pot of really hot oil.

I will then dress up in beautiful lingerie and persist in having kinky sex involving me tying him up.

He doesn't know, but I have sound-proofed the apartment.

I'd then ask him, "Darling, do you know what this is?" pointing to my left boob. He would say, "That's your breast baby..." smiling like a lecherous fool. I would then SLAP HIM and say, "THAT'S MY HEART, BROKEN!"

And he would start to panic because he is bound up and can feel the fury of a woman scorned.

"And Tauruses are very vengeful!"

He would reply, "But... I thought Scorpios are the vengeful ones?" and I would SLAP HIM again, asking him to shut up.

Having planned this for a year, my pot would whistle at this moment, telling me the oil is at it's hottest boiling point.

I would then gently inform him that that's where his penis is going, and chop it off in one swift action MUAHAHAHA!

I'd drop the penis in, turn off the fire, and take my LV luggage bag and fly off to Milan for the rest of my very happy life (having also stole all his money).

MUAHAHAHA! Think castration is a very good punishment indeed. For cheaters, molesters, and rapists. ALL CASTRATE!

And please lor STUPID WOMEN. If you want to get a maid, for goodness sake get a fucking ugly one.

p/s: Momo said her friend is 36, not 50.

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Birthdays, concerts, and unhappy presidents

Ah Ghim's birthday!

We met up at Novena Square to eat at a place stupid Wong recommended, saying it is a new restuarant that serves dim sum or something.

Lao niang took a $15 cab fare there, then in the end, they waited for me at the cab stand, saying "Wah lau, Wong was wrong, actually the place is like Ya Kun Kaya like that kind, small cafe only, cannot stay long one..."

Chao turtle that Eekean! She is damn xia suay she even called the place and, addressing herself as "Miss Wong", wanted to reserve a table. She said sheepishly later that it was no wonder the lady answering the phone didn't even bother to ask her the time. -_-

In the new we settled for the new Jap restaurant at Bugis...

Why we always make such bad choices one ah?

We stepped in and the Numa Numa song was playing. What's worse, it is in Chinese! Dunno what see cockroach I not scared scared anymore! Nabeh so disgusting!

We thought that in a bit it's gonna stop playing, but our worst fears was confirmed after we ordered our dishes:

GUO MEI MEI IS THE AMBASSADOR OF THE PLACE!

AND THEY ARE PLAYING HER CD ON LOOP! Which had like 6 tracks!

Omg kill me.

Throughout the dinner we heard the cockroach and lao shu ai da mi song around 6 times.

Nonetheless:

Wong back from Netherlands and Peiying back from India! I am so happy!


With me....

I don't know why so many people like photos without flash, I personally like it all sharp and clear.

Xiao feng trying to force feed Peiying some bland cabbage strands.

We realised this Ajisen branch restaurant is really very shrewd; they keep putting mounds of dry cabbage underneath their food so it looks like it's a big pile of yumminess but actually, you dig it open and BAH. Cabbage.

With Wong.


Their dessert!

Omg, only the green tea ice cream was edible. Look at the white balls with the brown sauce, and guess that brown sauce is?

I suppose most of us will think honey, or maple syrup... BUT IT IS TERIYAKI SAUCE FLOUR BALLS!

Goodness, it's totally salty and not sweet! What an unpleasant surprise.

The jelly pretending to be nata de coco is also just rather plain tasting agar agar.

Ghimz and PY doesn't like it...


Birthday Boy and his small cake!

Next: My shoppings!

I am siao over Juicy bags and terry cloth! I bought a lot of fake ones, see:

And I don't even use them anymore coz everyone else is using them! Bah.

Geylang purchases:

New heels!

Have to bring close-toed shoes to States when I go this Nov, it will be winter!

And a slutty dress!

It's obviously meant for prostitutes (since it is sold in a 24 hour shop in Geylang) but well, I think it's pretty! I love bareback dresses so much... :D

Went to Shuyin's boyfriend's choir concert in

Victoria Concert Hall...




With Wanyi




Poke Shuyin...


She doesn't love me anymore.... :(

Self shots!







Mei!


With her bf... Mine is halfway across the globe!!!!!! :(


3 of us!

We were totally overdressed, but whatever lar.

And when we were eating, Wanyi went to fold a

Ten-dollar bill...



Wanna see Mr Ishak very gleeful?

Just tilt the money to look at it upwards...


And downwards?



Fucking funny!!!!!!!! I kept laughing and couldn't stop.

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Damn good skin!

Advertorial

I have to admit I had my doubts when Cellnique first contacted me asking if I would like to try out their best-selling product, the Pro Sebum Gel; I have not heard of that yet!

The company is based in Malaysia, and apparently the brand is selling so well that they decided to break into the Singapore market too.

I put on make-up that day feeling a bit conscious about my skin, and wondering if the girls who are travelling down from KL to meet me later will start insulting my skin, you know, like how some beauticians are when they do facials for you...

In the end they didn't insult me (actually praised my skin, though after seeing a photo later you will see how they are just being polite), but I tell you, if they wanted to insult me they certainly can lor! All the girls had FABULOUS SKIN I TELL YOU.

It's all snowy white and super smooth no oil no visible pores kind.

Also there at Ding Tai Feng was the founder of Cellnique, and he is a bit crazy coz he ordered 30 xiao long baos on top of other food, but he also has super good skin lar!

And they started telling me a bit about their product. I'll tell you what they said later, because I bet you aren't interested now.

Anyway, they were very nice to me, and said to try to use the Pro Sebum Gel and see if I like it.

And thus, this was presented:

Nicest box ever!

(Although this nice box is still unavailable in Singapore yet... The current packaging looks like this.)

After showering that night, I had a look at the brochure, and it said that the gel is for removing blackheads effectively without any pain, minimizing pore size, and also reducing facial oil.

I don't have any blackheads what, then how? (Or at least I THOUGHT I didn't have blackheads...)

In any case, I took a picture of my nose first. Hmmm, small screen on camera, cannot see properly.

Squeezed some and put it on everywhere.

The gel feels a bit sticky initially, but when it dries up (in like 20 secs), you can immediately feel your skin feel tighter and softer. IT'S TRUE! I am not kidding, I swear!

5 minutes later I realised that my face felt really oily. This is good because it is getting the fatty whiteheads and blackheads out! Must be working!

I continued using the miracle gel for two weeks, and by the first week, my skin felt like a baby's ass.

I know this sounds like one of those ads where people give ridiculous testimonials coz they are paid to, but I AM SO NOT LYING.

I even have one witness ok! Eekean accidentally brushed my face and mumbled, "Wah, your skin... quite soft ah?" (cue me gushing about Cellnique).

By then I knew the gel was great for getting my skin soft and all that, but when I finally saw the high resolution 'Before & After' photos, I must say I am truly, truly impressed by the product.

Lo and Behold:

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AND

I swear upon the life of Cloudy that I DID NOT DO ANY EDITING TO MY SKIN.

Both photos are taken in sunlight (but somehow the first picture is more blue), and there you go, the vast, vast difference it made!

In fact, in the second photo you can even see that the cheeks have a pinkish tone to it lor!

I didn't even know I had so many blackheads right under my nose (wahahha, clever pun) k...

So yes, a little more about the product now that you are amazed. Cellnique used to be supplying their greatness only to beauticians and salons, but now, it is available for sale at all Sasa outlets!

You will be even more delighted to hear this:

It has a no-questions-ask no-nonsense money-back guarantee if you don't like it!

The Pro Sebum Gel costs $69.90, and do whatever you want with it. You have 14 days to try the product, and if you think, well, it's nothing fabulous - just bring it back to the store and you get a full refund!

I told Mr Beautiful-skin Founder that he is gonna get lots of refunds in Singapore due to kiasuism, but he just smiled and said he is gonna still do that to encourage people to try, and he is confident they won't return the product once they have used it.

Isn't this great?!

It is! Go try it and let me know if it works for you too. :D

p/s: 500,000 units were sold since launching! They can't all be wrong or kiasu.

p/p/s: Regarding being a sell-out. Firstly, I was only teasing Kenny. There's a chance he sincerely does like his Crocs and don't find them ugly *ahem*. I don't really think he is a sell-out; he is my friend afterall and I know him better than that.

Secondly, I would like to remind all readers that I have stuck to my principles and only accept advertorials on products I have tried, tested, and liked. If Cellnique didn't work for me, as the photos clearly show, I won't introduce it to you guys. Not because some of you are not assholes, but because I have a blog integrity to keep.

Don't understand the meaning of sell-out? "- to betray (an associate, one's country, a cause, etc.); turn traitor: He committed suicide rather than sell out to the enemy."

How did I? Siao. If I start writing for ipods or cigarettes I suppose you can say I did indeed. But not just yet. Maybe one day if I am offered enough money I might. Like $200,000 or something...

p/s: Please contact Cellnique at pro-support.sg@cellnique.com if you have any queries!

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